rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2011-01-18 06:22 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2011-01-18 06:22 pm
Entry tags:
Resident Evil, anyone? XD
Title: Torn Between Two Fires
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fonulyn
Rating: PG13
Pairing: Chris/Leon, Leon/Ada
Disclaimer: I own no one, only my dirty imagination.
Summary: Why is it so hard to figure out what it is you really want?
Comments:
This is dedicated toravanna since she’s the only one I share this fandom with *laughs* I’m sorry honey, it’s not really the first kiss you requested (that’ll follow later ;)) but I thought you might enjoy it anyway. And I hope you don’t mind the bits of Leon/Ada there ;___; And and and… I like it? 8D For what it’s worth *coughs* I should stop blathering, yes.
For as long as Chris remembers, there has been two ways to get Leon all flustered and make him clamp up completely out of reach. Way number one; bring up his undefined relationship – which can’t really even be labeled as a relationship, more as something unreachable, a itch he didn’t reach to scratch – with a certain bitch in a red dress. Leon would tense within a split second, the set of his jaw clenched tight and the muscles in his back flexing under his thin shirt. It hadn’t taken Chris long to figure out she was a topic never suitable to be brought up.
Way number two? That is something Chris had to snort at. Since way number two is he himself. Chris fucking Redfield. Sometimes he doesn’t even do it on purpose when he manages to make an untouchable cool like Leon stutter, stumble on his words and curse it under his breath right afterwards. It is easy, way too easy. At least on the surface, since what is lying beneath that… it is so scary that Chris doesn’t allow himself to think of it.
He has no words to define what is there anyway.
Sometimes he thinks he does. When they’re both lying still, his palm resting on Leon’s hip and his breath tickling the nape of his neck. When there’s comfortable silence between them and neither of them has to break it, the only sound in the air being their breathing. When he is lingering in the state between awake and asleep, and when nothing seems to be quite so scary anymore.
Then he thinks he knows what it is, that thing between them. But he doesn’t dare to say it out loud since it might break something. It might make the lingering moment vanish. And that is something he can not risk. He can’t risk not feeling that skin underneath his fingertips anymore, can’t risk being allowed to sink into the other man and forget himself, forget the past and the present and the future.
He needs it. He needs him.
Sometimes Chris can’t take it.
"What is she to you anyway?" He snaps although he doesn’t really mean to, and it’s too late to take it back when he watches Leon flinch just barely noticeably.
There is silence. Chilling, icy silence that stretches on until it feels like it might just suffocate them both. Leon is just looking at him, looking at him with those pale eyes that hide so much behind them. He can only guess what the burden Leon carries on his shoulders is, knowing only glimpses of it. And he doesn’t dare to ask.
“She is like a part of me I can’t let go,” he answers finally, his voice soft and barely audible. There is almost a pleading look in his eyes, tiredness to his smile as he looks at Chris and wordlessly asks him to understand.
Chris doesn’t mention it again. Maybe once, he thinks. Once the time is right.
Leon doesn’t lie. He might choose not to tell everything, and sometimes he does not answer. But he never lies. Not to people close to him, the ones he needs more than he needs to breathe. Even if he isn’t willing to admit that to anyone. And even if there are only very, very few of them.
Sometimes, he remembers the hazy moment, the way her fingers pressed against the side of his neck and how she was holding on to his jacket almost tight enough to rip it. He remembers her scent, the softness of her lips and the way her body was yielding against his own. He remembers a hot mouth and burning eyes, challenge to touch and to back off, at the same time.
It startles him that even thinking of it now, he can re-live it like it happened yesterday.
Even more, it startles him that thinking of it makes his mind drift off to another moment, very similar and yet completely different. He remembers a large palm on his hip, rough fingertips grazing against the skin of his back where his shirt was pushed upwards. He remembers a hot breath, the taste of coffee and spearmint, the smell of sweat closing in on him. He remembers his head spinning, his knees going weak and a rough whisper of “don’t leave yet” in his ear.
Leon’s eyes snap open and he has to stop thinking, has to empty his mind completely.
For a long moment he simply stares out of the window, not even blinking. Even afterwards, he has no idea what the hell is going on inside of him. It’s all getting more confusing the more he thinks of it.
Maybe, insists a small part of his brains he silences very effectively, he should stop thinking and start feeling instead.
Author:
fonulynRating: PG13
Pairing: Chris/Leon, Leon/Ada
Disclaimer: I own no one, only my dirty imagination.
Summary: Why is it so hard to figure out what it is you really want?
Comments:
This is dedicated to
ravanna since she’s the only one I share this fandom with *laughs* I’m sorry honey, it’s not really the first kiss you requested (that’ll follow later ;)) but I thought you might enjoy it anyway. And I hope you don’t mind the bits of Leon/Ada there ;___; And and and… I like it? 8D For what it’s worth *coughs* I should stop blathering, yes.For as long as Chris remembers, there has been two ways to get Leon all flustered and make him clamp up completely out of reach. Way number one; bring up his undefined relationship – which can’t really even be labeled as a relationship, more as something unreachable, a itch he didn’t reach to scratch – with a certain bitch in a red dress. Leon would tense within a split second, the set of his jaw clenched tight and the muscles in his back flexing under his thin shirt. It hadn’t taken Chris long to figure out she was a topic never suitable to be brought up.
Way number two? That is something Chris had to snort at. Since way number two is he himself. Chris fucking Redfield. Sometimes he doesn’t even do it on purpose when he manages to make an untouchable cool like Leon stutter, stumble on his words and curse it under his breath right afterwards. It is easy, way too easy. At least on the surface, since what is lying beneath that… it is so scary that Chris doesn’t allow himself to think of it.
He has no words to define what is there anyway.
Sometimes he thinks he does. When they’re both lying still, his palm resting on Leon’s hip and his breath tickling the nape of his neck. When there’s comfortable silence between them and neither of them has to break it, the only sound in the air being their breathing. When he is lingering in the state between awake and asleep, and when nothing seems to be quite so scary anymore.
Then he thinks he knows what it is, that thing between them. But he doesn’t dare to say it out loud since it might break something. It might make the lingering moment vanish. And that is something he can not risk. He can’t risk not feeling that skin underneath his fingertips anymore, can’t risk being allowed to sink into the other man and forget himself, forget the past and the present and the future.
He needs it. He needs him.
Sometimes Chris can’t take it.
"What is she to you anyway?" He snaps although he doesn’t really mean to, and it’s too late to take it back when he watches Leon flinch just barely noticeably.
There is silence. Chilling, icy silence that stretches on until it feels like it might just suffocate them both. Leon is just looking at him, looking at him with those pale eyes that hide so much behind them. He can only guess what the burden Leon carries on his shoulders is, knowing only glimpses of it. And he doesn’t dare to ask.
“She is like a part of me I can’t let go,” he answers finally, his voice soft and barely audible. There is almost a pleading look in his eyes, tiredness to his smile as he looks at Chris and wordlessly asks him to understand.
Chris doesn’t mention it again. Maybe once, he thinks. Once the time is right.
Leon doesn’t lie. He might choose not to tell everything, and sometimes he does not answer. But he never lies. Not to people close to him, the ones he needs more than he needs to breathe. Even if he isn’t willing to admit that to anyone. And even if there are only very, very few of them.
Sometimes, he remembers the hazy moment, the way her fingers pressed against the side of his neck and how she was holding on to his jacket almost tight enough to rip it. He remembers her scent, the softness of her lips and the way her body was yielding against his own. He remembers a hot mouth and burning eyes, challenge to touch and to back off, at the same time.
It startles him that even thinking of it now, he can re-live it like it happened yesterday.
Even more, it startles him that thinking of it makes his mind drift off to another moment, very similar and yet completely different. He remembers a large palm on his hip, rough fingertips grazing against the skin of his back where his shirt was pushed upwards. He remembers a hot breath, the taste of coffee and spearmint, the smell of sweat closing in on him. He remembers his head spinning, his knees going weak and a rough whisper of “don’t leave yet” in his ear.
Leon’s eyes snap open and he has to stop thinking, has to empty his mind completely.
For a long moment he simply stares out of the window, not even blinking. Even afterwards, he has no idea what the hell is going on inside of him. It’s all getting more confusing the more he thinks of it.
Maybe, insists a small part of his brains he silences very effectively, he should stop thinking and start feeling instead.
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It's nice to find another Chris/Leon fan! : )
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I'm happy to hear you like it! :D And there will probably be more, even if only drabbles XD
Yes it is :D The fandom is quite quiet, isn't it?
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First of all THANK YOU for making a pretty stupid day look a little bit more – filled with the beauty of writing, the beauty of THIS pairing, for you know I crave for them so much and nobody really seems to care – besides us, so to say – and -
I really found this really touching. I think you REALLY hit Leon bull's eye; I mean, this really is the way he seems to act and think towards Ada, never really letting her go, always keeping her in his mind; she still attracts him when they meet in Pueblo AFTER NOT GAVING SEEN HER SINCE FIVE YEARS (was it even more??) and I just LOVED to see that she is, and will always be, a part of him he cannot let go. He just can't. He might not have loved her, but he definitely holds onto her, and what she meant and means to him.
Aaah. Such a lovely piece of fiction ♥
Your style was just as amazing as I've always known it – very fluent and floating; reading is just such a great thing to do when you wrote something, and I also loved the views we get on their relationship, the way it's there, all of this is; it's such a strong way of showing this strange sort of distrust, yet – love; which never pays the bills and can make you go crazy but is, and always will be, such an important part of you. He needs him; oh yes. In my own world he absolutely does XD
Thank you so, so much for this. You REALLY made me smile with it, even when its undertone is a hard, bitter, yet pretty realistic one. ♥ I'msowaitingtoreadmorefromyouaboutthesetooboys *__*
Haaah. Thank you for sharing this fandom with me ♥ But this fiction really left one question in my head: who is it, in your eyes, that holds most of their ties together; who is the needy one in general? Here it's Chris, clearly inferior to Leon and Leon's train of emotions; which I find quite interesting, for Chris is usually the superior character in my short fiction, with Leon having way more bruises he needs to let heal with his help than the other way round. (which is kinda ALSO what happens here; for Leon needs the memory of Ada in a very cryptic way, too)
Ah, too much talking ♥ Once again: thank you. This is the highlight of my evening ♥
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I am more familiar with Leon and maybe that's why I'm always more pleased with how his character forms XD And there definitely is something between Ada and Leon, something they probably can't define themselves. They're entwined and neither can let go of the other completely. I don't know if it's love (I don't think it is but it might be me being selfish XD) but it's there.
But my gosh you're making me blush here! ♥ haha but I loved hiding those little glimpses of a relationship in there, these small everyday things or moments that would not occur if they weren't close.
Who? Hm, in a way I think they both are. I think that in my mind, Leon is the one with more... complex undercurrents and wounds that need to heal. He needs support from Chris in a way, he needs something steady in his life and he is still struggling with piecing himself back together properly, even if he hides it well. At the same time, Chris needs Leon in his life and I think he's struggling with trying to understand. He doesn't really understand what is going on inside Leon's mind and it's frustrating, he would like to just crack his head open and make some sense into it XD Kinda, he wants to be there for Leon and wants to be strong for him, but he doesn't really know how. If that now makes any sense, I'm tired and I feel a bit incoherent *laughs*
No no, never too much talking! &hears; Your comment SO made my evening! Thank you!
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I think you actually make a lot of sense - in fact, we always have to keep in mind they're actually sharing one hell of a nightmare and try to make it through life somehow; which is not always easy, especially since they've both experienced the happening with different people surrounding them, and I do think as much as both of them want another one besides them, and want to be there for someone else in return, it's hard, taking another hand again and just - admitting and allowing to love. To accept. To let go and carry on.
♥
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Exactly, they're both going through a lot and it's not easy to let go of that. I think it's kind of easier to try support someone else instead of focusing on yourself, since then you can suppress your own troubles for a while. Although, in the end one always has to face the troubles. And as you said, accept, let go, move on. They'll need each other for it ;)
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But I'm sure Chris will eventually make Leon appreciate the people around him ^^
I'm really looking forward to reading more of this! <3
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