rabenhorst: (die meraluna)
rabenhorst ([personal profile] rabenhorst) wrote2007-08-14 10:07 pm

(no subject)

Title: At Life’s End
Author: [livejournal.com profile] fonulyn
Rating: PG
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: I own no one, only my dirty imagination.
Summary: What would you do if you only had an hour to live? Kaoru hates answering this kind of questions, but sometimes in life you can’t avoid them no matter how much you try.
Comments: This was written for my dear [livejournal.com profile] seinen_no, as I wanted to give her something nice^^ I initially wanted to give it to her for birthday but it’s still almost a month away and I ended up giving the drabble to her already XD I’m bad.

Well, anyways, as some of you might know already, in Finland Kaoru was asked in an interview what he would do if he only had an hour to live. Kaoru laughed, saying that someone had asked him the same question just minutes before. Then he thought for a long moment before saying he’d take a Japanese bath and a cold beer^^ So this is loosely based on that.

I was a bit iffy about posting this as [livejournal.com profile] nigiripop already wrote her awesome ficcie based on the same interview. But this didn’t leave me alone and I had to write it so I thought I might as well post it anyways x) Tell me what you think!

And feel free to add the journal if you like!



”What would you do if you only had an hour to live?”

Questions like that can easily throw Kaoru off balance, and he doesn’t know how he should respond to them. Usually he prefers to flash a smile, giving a soft laugh and shake his head, just mumbling something and discarding the question, moving to safer topics. It isn’t that he wouldn’t be able, or willing, to think about serious matters, to ponder things about life. It’s just that he doesn’t like to share his thoughts with anyone. If a distant friend asks him what he would do with his last living hour, he doesn’t deserve to know everything the question makes go through the guitarist’s mind.

Even before the question is finished Kaoru has images in his mind, incoherent pictures and unfinished thoughts, flowing through his consciousness in lightning speed and not giving him time to grasp them. Images of his friends, of his family, of the people he works with. Important people in his life. His mind has always worked fast and at moments like this he even surprises himself.

Still he can’t find the right words to answer the question. It’s so easy to just shrug it off and switch the topic, pretend that the moment didn’t hold anything serious in the first place. That’s what he would want to do, would NEED to do.

But when it’s Die asking, Kaoru can’t do anything else but to answer honestly.

He is already ready to try and form his thoughts into coherent sentences, his mind frantically arranging words, creating associations between bits and pieces to make something comprehensible out of it. But he makes the mistake to look the taller guitarist in the eye and all reason flees him. His carefully built sentences, his thought through words, everything slips from his mind and he can’t react fast enough to grasp them. So he ends up smiling, softly, apologetically. Lovingly.

“I don’t know.”

Kaoru sees Die’s face fall slightly, his curious expression turning into somewhat disappointed one, even sad. It instantly makes the older man feel like he should’ve tried harder, should’ve said out loud at least some of the things in his mind.

‘I would be with you.’

‘I would ask you to hold me, I would hold you. I might even cry against your shoulder, secretly.’

‘I love you.’


But the moment is gone, people around them running to get things ready for the show they will have in a few hours. Die is already turning to leave, but Kaoru can’t let him and gently takes a hold of his wrist to keep him there for a few more seconds. Their eyes meet, and Kaoru tries to show his emotions through the contact, hoping the younger man would see right through his mind, his soul. He has never been good with words, never able to say what he really wants to. Still this is important to him, and he wants Die to know it.

In that moment, it feels like he does. Die answers the smile, even brings his hand up to touch the other guitarist’s cheek with his fingertips, so softly that Kaoru wonders if it’s just a dream after all. But the younger man smiles, and that’s really everything that matters. And Kaoru knows, that in the evening when they secretly sneak into the same bed, under the covers and close to each other, he will let it all out. It’s the only moment when he feels safe enough to reveal his most well kept secrets, his feelings. His soul.

When Die is gone to fix last things he needs to do before they go out on stage and play, Kaoru has a short moment to think alone. Mechanically he does everything he needs to do, not paying attention to things around him as he knows everyone is aware of their duties and things will go smoothly.

And now he knows the answer.

An hour later, before they start to get ready to play the gig, the interviewer asks the same question. “What would you do if you only had an hour to live?” Kaoru smiles, laughing softly as he directs his eyes straight at the man who asked the question, despite the presence of the translator. But he doesn’t see a Finnish guy whose job is to ask him a few questions, he looks straight through him. He sees blonde hair, stunning smile, and the deep brown eyes of the man he wants to share his life with. He feels long arms wrap around him, pull him closer and a pair of soft lips press against the side of his neck.

Outwardly he remains completely calm, but inwardly his heart is beating frantically in his chest. Still his smile doesn’t falter, his voice is calm and soft as he replies.

“I’d take a Japanese bath.”

‘With Die.’




[identity profile] biharaku.livejournal.com 2007-08-16 11:44 am (UTC)(link)
Bad fangirl! You can not be in fornt of The Toshiya and ignore the Toshiyaness! XD
Wasn't it him who angsted ovet throwing a water bottle at a fan...?

[identity profile] fonulyn.livejournal.com 2007-08-16 12:04 pm (UTC)(link)
haha, I tried to get in front of Die but people kept pushing me XD But you're right, I should've been more focused on THE Toshiya!
A water bottle? I don't know... o_O

[identity profile] biharaku.livejournal.com 2007-08-16 01:12 pm (UTC)(link)
Most Dir fan's are like stones at concerts, sadly ._. I do believe that The Toshiya is changing name though *glances at poster* I swear, there's a B there.
Kind of like "Boshiya" or something o_O
Eh, my mistake perhaps? ^^;

[identity profile] fonulyn.livejournal.com 2007-08-16 02:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Boshiya! That sounds ... bad XD hm, and well, here people were yelling and screaming and jumping and totally into the show.

nah, probably I just haven't heard of it^^

[identity profile] biharaku.livejournal.com 2007-08-16 02:32 pm (UTC)(link)
You think? 8D Well, they do that, but still they manage to stay in the same damn spot. How? o_o;;

[identity profile] fonulyn.livejournal.com 2007-08-16 02:34 pm (UTC)(link)
I wouldn't recommend him to change his name to that at least XD
Hm, I dunno. I didn't stay in the same spot as people were pushing me towards Kyo all the time x)

[identity profile] biharaku.livejournal.com 2007-08-16 02:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Naah, perhaps not XD
Seemigly your front was better than mine.
... And, how may icons do you have? *stare*

[identity profile] fonulyn.livejournal.com 2007-08-16 02:45 pm (UTC)(link)
Might be. I have no idea x)

Many :D I can upload 105 icons on my account since my lovely hunney [livejournal.com profile] seinen_no bought me extra slots for those^^