(no subject)

[rabenhorst]

Title: At Life’s End
Author: fonulyn
Rating: PG
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: I own no one, only my dirty imagination.
Summary: What would you do if you only had an hour to live? Kaoru hates answering this kind of questions, but sometimes in life you can’t avoid them no matter how much you try.
Comments: This was written for my dear seinen_no, as I wanted to give her something nice^^ I initially wanted to give it to her for birthday but it’s still almost a month away and I ended up giving the drabble to her already XD I’m bad.

Well, anyways, as some of you might know already, in Finland Kaoru was asked in an interview what he would do if he only had an hour to live. Kaoru laughed, saying that someone had asked him the same question just minutes before. Then he thought for a long moment before saying he’d take a Japanese bath and a cold beer^^ So this is loosely based on that.

I was a bit iffy about posting this as nigiripop already wrote her awesome ficcie based on the same interview. But this didn’t leave me alone and I had to write it so I thought I might as well post it anyways x) Tell me what you think!

And feel free to add the journal if you like!



”What would you do if you only had an hour to live?”

Questions like that can easily throw Kaoru off balance, and he doesn’t know how he should respond to them. Usually he prefers to flash a smile, giving a soft laugh and shake his head, just mumbling something and discarding the question, moving to safer topics. It isn’t that he wouldn’t be able, or willing, to think about serious matters, to ponder things about life. It’s just that he doesn’t like to share his thoughts with anyone. If a distant friend asks him what he would do with his last living hour, he doesn’t deserve to know everything the question makes go through the guitarist’s mind.

Even before the question is finished Kaoru has images in his mind, incoherent pictures and unfinished thoughts, flowing through his consciousness in lightning speed and not giving him time to grasp them. Images of his friends, of his family, of the people he works with. Important people in his life. His mind has always worked fast and at moments like this he even surprises himself.

Still he can’t find the right words to answer the question. It’s so easy to just shrug it off and switch the topic, pretend that the moment didn’t hold anything serious in the first place. That’s what he would want to do, would NEED to do.

But when it’s Die asking, Kaoru can’t do anything else but to answer honestly.

He is already ready to try and form his thoughts into coherent sentences, his mind frantically arranging words, creating associations between bits and pieces to make something comprehensible out of it. But he makes the mistake to look the taller guitarist in the eye and all reason flees him. His carefully built sentences, his thought through words, everything slips from his mind and he can’t react fast enough to grasp them. So he ends up smiling, softly, apologetically. Lovingly.

“I don’t know.”

Kaoru sees Die’s face fall slightly, his curious expression turning into somewhat disappointed one, even sad. It instantly makes the older man feel like he should’ve tried harder, should’ve said out loud at least some of the things in his mind.

‘I would be with you.’

‘I would ask you to hold me, I would hold you. I might even cry against your shoulder, secretly.’

‘I love you.’

But the moment is gone, people around them running to get things ready for the show they will have in a few hours. Die is already turning to leave, but Kaoru can’t let him and gently takes a hold of his wrist to keep him there for a few more seconds. Their eyes meet, and Kaoru tries to show his emotions through the contact, hoping the younger man would see right through his mind, his soul. He has never been good with words, never able to say what he really wants to. Still this is important to him, and he wants Die to know it.

In that moment, it feels like he does. Die answers the smile, even brings his hand up to touch the other guitarist’s cheek with his fingertips, so softly that Kaoru wonders if it’s just a dream after all. But the younger man smiles, and that’s really everything that matters. And Kaoru knows, that in the evening when they secretly sneak into the same bed, under the covers and close to each other, he will let it all out. It’s the only moment when he feels safe enough to reveal his most well kept secrets, his feelings. His soul.

When Die is gone to fix last things he needs to do before they go out on stage and play, Kaoru has a short moment to think alone. Mechanically he does everything he needs to do, not paying attention to things around him as he knows everyone is aware of their duties and things will go smoothly.

And now he knows the answer.

An hour later, before they start to get ready to play the gig, the interviewer asks the same question. “What would you do if you only had an hour to live?” Kaoru smiles, laughing softly as he directs his eyes straight at the man who asked the question, despite the presence of the translator. But he doesn’t see a Finnish guy whose job is to ask him a few questions, he looks straight through him. He sees blonde hair, stunning smile, and the deep brown eyes of the man he wants to share his life with. He feels long arms wrap around him, pull him closer and a pair of soft lips press against the side of his neck.

Outwardly he remains completely calm, but inwardly his heart is beating frantically in his chest. Still his smile doesn’t falter, his voice is calm and soft as he replies.

“I’d take a Japanese bath.”

‘With Die.’

Comments

[biharaku.livejournal.com]

It was a lovely fic ^______^
But a question; do you know if that interview was recorded? ._.

[fonulyn.livejournal.com]

Thank you^^
Hm, and I don't know if it was recorded... Probably not, as they showed it from the big screen at the festival before Diru played. If I find it though I'll let ya know.

[biharaku.livejournal.com]

Thank you ^-^
(If you happen to know anymore details of it, you are also very welcome to spam :D)

[drpaccy.livejournal.com]

I'm really actually in a hurry, but I want to take the time to comment ^^

As for the fic, wonderful job! I enjoyed it a lot :D Taking a japanese bath with Die would be a lovely way to spend your last hour <3
God, I always hear about this interview everywhere and even saw a picture and now I'm dying to see it ;___; I really hope it was recorded...

[fonulyn.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I appreciate that you took the time to type that down^^ And I'm really glad you liked it! heh, plus I would definitely love to take a bath with Die x)

And as said above, it was a really short interview, the interviewer only asked two questions. And if you're interested, here, I took two shots of the screen: 1, 2

[drpaccy.livejournal.com]

Well, I know I would just forget to comment if I ran off before doing it, so I just quickly typed it down xDD Yes, a bath with Die would be lovely x)

That's too bad, but thanks for the shots! Do you remember what the other question was, though, and his answer?

[aya-3003.livejournal.com]

xD

[fonulyn.livejournal.com]

^^

[oanja.livejournal.com]

Aw, how sweet of Kao.

Sorry brain is not working so I can't think of anything better to say... *runs away ashamed*

[fonulyn.livejournal.com]

No worries :D Thanks for the comment anyways!

[seinen-no.livejournal.com]

Hunny! I told you how much I like the fic. I could cry, 'cause you can put so many emotions into short things, say much with few words. I am incapable of doing that and thus really enjoy it when I read things like that.

You know, they are just perfect together! The small gestures you described and Kaoru's thoughts. It's definetely a great b-day pressie^^
Thank you soooo much!!!!

*bigbigbigbig hugs*

[fonulyn.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you hunney^^ It really means a lot to me that you liked it. I was somewhat nervous, and I wrote it in like twenty minutes in a rush of inspiration when I couldn't sleep.

You're so welcome!^^ heh, although it came a bit too early to be a proper present XD *coughs* And they're always perfect together x)

*biiiig hugs back*

[seinen-no.livejournal.com]

Heh, I almost always get my presents way early. It's because neither Nicole nor I can wait to give each other our presents. I got hers already too and it never smothers the idea and still makes me utterly happy.
I thought about the fic while driving home from Munich tonight and I really wished it would be like that. You should've seen them on stage hun. Die coming over to Kao, a phat grin on his face, and when he wanted to lean his back against Kao, that bastard took a step aside and made Die stumble. It amused him to no end... Kao I mean. And Sangha got a pick and it's now 10am and I haven't slept since 3am and am tired and still too hyper to go to bed^^
I can't wait to meet you later on and to go on with our little smutty stuff *coughs* And I thought about what you said, that all those things would mean too much topping for Die and since I'd still like to write this one-night-stand thingy once, we could make it the other way around. That is, if Die finally gets over his fear of hurting Kao. I think after the tying up and then the thing in the basement, it should be pretty clear, ne? So we wouldn't have to stress it anymore and Kao could just screw him blind again?
Gosh, and now I'm babbling nonsense... I really should sleep a bit x)
*big big hugs*

[porediamu.livejournal.com]

Kjeh! Mä muistan tän haastattelun, mutta aika heikohkosti. Kaorun kaikki Suomi-kehut meni ihan ohi. :X

I usually don't like Die/Kao (Die is Shinya's whore, really) but good writers like you FORCE me to read. Also, I've read every Die/Shin fic on this planet so... ^^

Btw, I knew what Kao was going to say 'cause I heard a word "biiru". :DD I loved how the whole audience laughed @ it.

[fonulyn.livejournal.com]

En sinänsä ihmettele, että se tilanne oli aika hektinen ja adrenaliini virtasi XD Asioita unohtuu helposti.

Nooooo, Shin isn't allowed to lay his hands on Die, Die belongs to Kao XD *coughs* Just ignore me. I'm happy you liked this even though the pairing isn't your favorite! It makes the compliment even bigger^^ Thank you!

haha, true XD His answer was one of the best answers heard that weekend. Although I liked the answer of the Kotiteollisuus-singer too x)
I just had to leave the beer out of the fic since I didn't think it'd fit there x)

[porediamu.livejournal.com]

Hitto, laitoin TAAS väärään kohtaan komman. Poistin sen. Sattanan livejorma. -____-' Ai miten niin ei olisi sopinut? "KALJAA! ... Dien päältä juotuna." AH AH AH!

Oon peelo. Just ignore ME.

Et voi muuten kiistää, etteikö Die ja Shin olis vähintään bestoja. Diellä ainakin on joku huomattava ongelma käsiensä kanssa (ne kun kummallisesti eksyy aina Shinin harteille, kyljelle... perseelle).

Excuse my englannittomuus.

[silverdemon88.livejournal.com]

heheheheh that was awesome ^^ they shouldnt have to do it secretly, let the world know! lmao look forward to reading more *hints*

[fonulyn.livejournal.com]

I can try to come up with more, but nowadays I write so little alone... Thanks for commenting dear! I'm glad you liked it.

[silverdemon88.livejournal.com]

eh I mean more fics ><'' gah I am not with it

o.O what language are you speaking? *slaps on the no0b hat* I can make out KyoxShinya in the last comment. imho thats a great pairing...

[fonulyn.livejournal.com]

Finnish^^ We're from Finland you see, and one has to sometimes switch to the native language x) And yeah, KyoxShin is a good pair.

[silverdemon88.livejournal.com]

Sorry if I seemed rude ^^' I love other languages.

I've never tried writing with someone else. Seems to be harder for me.

dont push yourself to write ><'' I just love them so much I crave them. Take your time I can wait ^^

[ex-radioporn122.livejournal.com]

[fonulyn.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Your comment means a lot to me, seeing how much I love your writing^^

I can so see Kaoru's apologetical smile in my mind, as it seems to be such a Kaoru-thing to do. And he's probably getting away with almost anything with that smile, as he just hypnotizes people with it 8D
Gods, I love the mere image of a bath like that x)

heh, I can always try. The only thing is that I feel so blocked often, and I can't get anything actually written. The stuff is all in my mind but I can't get it into words. There's only a couple of things I've written I'm actually slightly pleased with.

[sanghamyers.livejournal.com]

Aww, that was so cute. SnuggleKao is back! I can really imagine him being like this. Well, I know he is ;) and he's with Die! Period. =D Lovely fic, dear!

[fonulyn.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much^^ I'm happeeh to hear that you liked it! I kinda liked it myself so it's even nicer to hear others do too XD

Oh, and Die and Kao are so totally together! They can't deny it. And I bet Die has tattooed 'Kaoru's property' into his butt.