rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 02:29 am
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 02:29 am
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Title: Pain
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fonulyn
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Kaoru and Die
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do not get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: WARNING! This contains a non-con situation, as in a rape. So if you think you can't handle that, please don't read. The fic in itself handles the dealing with such a trauma, as in a some kind of surviving story of one victim.
Pain
Die was sitting on the couch in their rehearsal studio. That day’s practice had already ended and he was only waiting for Kaoru to come so they could get going since they had agreed to grab some lunch together. They had actually been dating for about two weeks, and to Die it felt like he’d been with the other man for years. It was like they had some kind of mental connection, so they understood each other amazingly well. Whenever they were together, Die felt like he’d come home.
As soon as Kaoru entered the room and saw the other guitarist sitting there a warm glint lit in his eyes and his face broke into a gentle smile. He came near and crawled to sit on Die’s lap bending down to press his lips on the redhead’s full and soft ones. The younger man parted his lips and Kaoru slipped his tongue into the other’s mouth to play with its twin while Die wrapped his arms loosely around Kaoru’s waist and pulled him closer. After they parted the older man nuzzled the other’s neck. “Mmmmh… This is nice.” Die pressed his face into the bandleader’s soft blue hair.
“Hey, Kao…” Die blushed slightly and continued. ”Did you know that you’re the only man I’ve ever really kissed?” Kaoru smiled affectionately running his fingers along Die’s cheek. “I kinda guessed that. That’s why I want to take this slowly. I don’t want to ruin everything by rushing into things. I care for you too much to ever want to lose you.” Die smiled happily. Hearing that kind of words from the blue haired lead guitarist made his heart sing. Kaoru reached up and looked Die in the eye. “Actually I think I’m beginning to really love you.” The redhead grinned. “I love you too.”
*
Dir en grey had recently published their first album and toured hell of a lot in order to promote it. The tour was reaching its end and now they had played live three evenings in a row. Tonight’s show was in a middle sized club, as an opening act along with two other bands. They only had time to play five songs, but they put all their energy into their performance and the audience was thoroughly enjoying themselves.
In the back of the club, a tall dark haired man stood alone, back pressed against the wall. He watched. Like he had been watching for weeks, months even. He watched closely every little move the redheaded guitarist made on stage, memorizing every single moment. At that point, you could say that this dark man knew the guitarist’s daily routine probably better than the man himself. He’d been studying. And he learned quickly.
The man had an obsession. And that obsession had bright red hair and a wide grin. The man went to every single concert he was able to, he followed the guitarist around and had found out where he lived. He also had a plan. A plan, he had had for almost a year. Now he thought that it was the perfect time to take action. In three days. Three days and then was the moment.
*
It was a sunny Wednesday afternoon. Practice had ended early and Kaoru had asked if he could walk Die home. They walked side by side, enjoying the company and the soft breeze that caressed them. “So, Die, do you have any plans for tonight?” The redhead smiled stunningly at the bandleader. “Nope. Why? Did you have some plans?” Kaoru grinned. “Yeah. I planned that I’d take you out to dinner.” Die grinned back playfully. “What makes you think that I’d come with you, you dirty old man.” Kaoru smacked the other’s arm and formed an adorable pout. “I’m only a year older than you. So don’t talk like I’m some ancient relic.” They both laughed and soon realized that they were standing in front of Die’s apartment.
Die laid his hand on the door handle, but made no actual move to go inside. He turned around slowly and smiled when he noticed that the other was still standing there. “Is the offer still on? About the dinner.” The older one grinned looking satisfied. “Of course it is, dummy. I’ll pick you up at half past eight.” Die nodded, his heart swelling of emotion. He already felt the excitement course through him. “I can’t wait.” The younger man leaned downwards and pressed a quick kiss on the other’s lips before slipping into the apartment.
He left his shoes in the doorway and went into the kitchen to grab something to eat. He made himself a sandwich and stuffed it quickly into his mouth. He decided that he needed to get a shower before Kaoru came to pick him up, but before that he’d have to choose what to wear so he headed to his bedroom. Somehow he wanted to make an impression to the lead guitarist, although they’d known each other for years.
Die was a happy person, but at that moment he felt unusually happy. Kaoru had that affect on him. Whenever they spent time together the redhead felt like he definitely was one of the happiest men on earth. Although he never had been with another man before, hell, he had never even thought possible he’d want to be with another man, he suddenly wanted nothing more than to spend time with Kaoru. He laughed at himself whenever he got sentimental like that, but he honestly thought that his bandleader was the love of his life.
Suddenly Die was brought back from his thoughts when he heard a rustling noise behind himself. He quickly turned around. Had Kaoru forgot something? He raised his voice. “Kao? Is that you?” No one answered. Die felt his pulse speed up and he tried not to let his voice shake. “Hello?” He didn’t even have time to realize what hit him, before he was pinned up against the nearest wall. “What the f -” A rough hand pressed his throat. “Don’t you even try to say a word or I’ll kill you.” The attacker’s voice was a low growl, and in the semi-dark room Die could only see his silhouette.
Adrenaline starter to flow right through him and he started to struggle, but instantly the stranger tightened his grip on Die’s throat. The man was slightly taller than the guitarist, and definitely a lot stronger. The redhead’s vision started to blur, he tried desperately to catch his breath as his lungs screamed for oxygen. Then he felt a sudden pain in his temple where the other hit him. “Now try to be a good boy, so it won’t be so painful.” When Die kicked the attacker in spite of his words, he grabbed Die’s arm and threw him to the floor.
“What did I just tell you?” The man roared and aimed a strong kick to Die’s ribs. The redhead yelped in pain and tried to shelter his head with his arms. The attacker kept on kicking for a while, first aiming to the guitarist’s torso, and then couple of times to his head. Die tasted blood in his mouth and he realized that his teeth had pierced his lower lip. “Are you still going to fight?” The man asked laughing mockingly. Die spit a little blood to the floor. “Fuck you.” The man laughed at Die’s words, almost happily. “No. But I’m going to fuck you.”
Die’s eyes widened when he realized what the man had just said. A little light seeped through the curtains and he saw that his attacker was a tall and strong looking man with dark shoulder length hair. The gleam in the man’s eyes was almost psychotic and Die began to fear for his life. One more strong kick hit his head and his mind numbed momentarily. He felt strong arms lift him up, throw him onto the bed and rip his clothing off, garment by garment. He tried to struggle, but was rewarded with a strong grip on his throat once again.
Somewhere between his other activities the dark haired man had managed to get rid of his own pants, and now he pressed his body against Die’s. “Now you’re going to get to know a real man.” The man’s hot breath struck in the redhead’s ear and he shivered unpleasantly. Die felt fingers tangle in his long red hair and pull painfully. Tears began to form in the corners of his eyes. “No… Stop… Please, don’t do it.” His own voice sounded odd and broken. “Please, no…” The man licked Die’s tears away and laughed. “Do you honestly think that I’d stop now? I want you. And whatever I want I will get.”
The man pinned Die’s hands above his head and spread his long lean legs with his own. Die felt his heart hammering like it was about to burst out of his chest, the fear was overwhelming. He tried desperately to free himself from the other’s grasp, but his efforts were in vain. Suddenly the dark haired man thrust into the redhead who felt like he was being killed. He heard desperate screaming and realized suddenly that he was the one who screamed himself. He tasted his own salty tears as the man began to move inside him. Laces of pain shot through him with each thrust, and he just wanted to die.
The guitarist didn’t remember feeling that much pain ever before in his life. The man on top of him was groaning in pleasure, and bit down in Die’s collarbone leaving a dark mark. After what might have been forever the man shuddered a final time and Die felt something warm dribble inside of him. The dark haired man forced the redhead’s head to bend down initiating a rough one sided kiss before collapsing on top of him.
Die was too afraid to move before he felt that the man above him had fallen asleep. When snoring filled the room, he began to struggle in order to get out from under the limp body of his attacker. Every single part of his body ached and he wasn’t so sure that he could even walk. It was like his lower back was on fire, he needed to bite his lip so that he wouldn’t cry out in pain. He shoved the man into his side and turned quickly away from him. He felt like vomiting, but nothing came actually up.
He leaned on the wall for support and headed away from the bed, away from his worst nightmare this far. Somehow he managed to drag himself into the bathroom and under the shower. He turned the shower on and let the hot water burn his skin. The water was so hot that it hurt, but Die didn’t care. He felt like burning was the only way to wash away the shame. It was like the dark haired man’s touches had left marks on his smooth skin and he felt filthy. Like he was covered in dirt, both inside and out.
He couldn’t stand for long, and soon he collapsed onto the floor. He leaned his back against the wall and buried his face into his hands. Strong sobs strove through his bruised and beaten body as he cried like he’d never cried before. The water had long ago turned freezing, but Die didn’t care. He didn’t even notice.
*
Kaoru was at Die’s door in time, a little over eight. He knocked on the door and waited. No one answered. He knocked again, a little louder this time. He glanced at his watch. Die was known of being always late, and now it was actually early. But why in hell didn’t he open the door. Kaoru sighed in annoyance and decided that he could as well go in and see what Die was up to.
The door wasn’t locked so Kaoru decided to go in and look for his band mate. He took a glance around the living room, nothing seemed out of ordinary. The room was a bit messy, couple of magazines was lying on the floor and some half-used clothes were thrown on the couch. Nothing unusual. “Die?” He tried to call his friend, first quietly, then louder. No answer. So he decided to go for the bedroom. The lights were out, but he could hear soft snoring. ‘Did that idiot really forget our date? He deserves to be waken up harshly.’ Kaoru thought and with that he flipped the light switch. When the lights snapped on and enlightened the whole room, he experienced the shock of his life.
A complete stranger to him was lying on the bed, drooling on the pillow and dressed only in a white t-shirt. There were random garments all over the floor and a small amount of blood on the sheets. ‘My god… Where’s Die?’ Kaoru’s thoughts were running fast and he really started to panic. He knew Die well enough to realize that the redhead wouldn’t just voluntarily jump into the bed with some random-guy. He took another look at the strange man, who looked like he was heavily drunk and sleeping it off. Kaoru figured that he wouldn’t have to worry about the man waking up in a really long time. Now he only needed to find Die and make sure he was okay. He heard a quiet sound of running water and came into the conclusion that by heading to the bathroom he’d find what he was looking for.
Kaoru opened the door to the bathroom and carefully looked inside. The first thing he saw was a mass of red hair. The younger guitarist was curled in to a small ball under the running water. He had buried his face into his hands and by the way his shoulders were shaking Kaoru could tell he was crying. Kaoru walked closer and turned off the shower before kneeling down in front of the crying man not caring that his jeans got soaking wet due to the pool of water on the floor. Now that he was closer he could see that the younger man’s whole body was covered with bruises. He gasped and brought his hand up to touch the other’s shoulder. “What the hell did that man do to you?”
“Don’t touch me.” Kaoru could barely recognize his friend’s broken voice. Die tried to inch away from the older one. “I’m filthy.” As soon as the words had left the redhead’s lips his whole body shook with another half choked sob. Kaoru slowly rose up and fetched a large fluffy towel. He leaned down and wrapped it around the other before sitting down again and hugging him close. “No you’re not. Can you tell me what happened?” Die couldn’t hold back anymore, he clutched Kaoru’s shirt knuckles white and broke down crying uncontrollably.
Kaoru didn’t know how long he just sat there holding the crying man in his arms. But after some time Die managed to form some logical sentences so that the older man could get a picture of what had happened. Kaoru’s first thought was to go and beat the crap out of that bastard who was still lying in the bedroom, at least his snoring still echoed around the apartment, but instead he decided to call the police. However he didn’t want to leave Die alone in the bathroom. “Die, do you think you can stand?” He received a small nod, and so he dragged both of them into a standing position, still holding the other securely.
Somehow Kaoru managed to get himself and the barely moving Die into the living-room, where he had seen the redhead’s phone. His own he had left in his car. He helped Die to sit down on the couch, and as soon as he let go of him, the younger one curled up into a ball, circling his arms around his legs. Kaoru’s heart felt like it was beating in his throat and he felt dizzy. He picked up the phone and dialled the number of police department.
The officers came quickly. The dark haired man barely woke up when he was dragged to the waiting police car, and didn’t cause any troubles. Kaoru gave the polices his name and phone number and was permitted to leave. He went into the bedroom and grabbed some of Die’s clothes and stuffed them into a suitcase. Then he went back to the redhead, who was still sitting on the couch in the very same position he had been in when Kaoru had called the police. “Come on, Die, let’s get you dressed.” The younger man wasn’t exactly co-operative, but he didn’t fight back and let Kaoru dress him in a pair of baggy jeans and a large blue t-shirt. After finishing his task Kaoru yanked Die up and commanded. “Okay. Now we go.” Die looked like he woke up at that moment. ”Go where?” “To the hospital, then to police station. After that into my apartment. You’re staying there for a while now.” Die only nodded and let Kaoru to take him into the waiting car.
The check-up at the hospital was quick but detailed, the doctors asked short questions and Die answered as much as he could in his broken state. The polices were present all the time, so they had only a few more questions to ask and pretty soon the guitarists were excused after the police chief asked Kaoru to visit the police station the next day. When they arrived into Kaoru’s apartment Kaoru helped Die to sit down on the couch. It was only fifteen minutes to ten, but Kaoru didn’t quite know what to say or do. He sat down beside Die, who was staring blankly at nothing at all. “Die?” The younger man snapped to reality and turned a little so that he could look the older one in the eye. “Are you hungry?”
Die sighed. “Kao, I don’t honestly think that I could eat anything right now.”
“Uh, okay. If there’s anything you need, just let me know.”
The redhead nodded slightly. The silence fell upon them.
“Kaoru?”
“Yes?”
“Could I go to sleep? I’m tired.” Kaoru nodded, rose up and offered his hand to Die, who took it and followed the other blindly. The lead guitarist located old pyjamas that he figured would fit Die, and helped the redhead to change. Since he had no guestroom, he led the younger man to his own bed and covered him with a large blanket. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Die. “Really, if you need anything, just say so.” Die nodded again. His eyes still reflected fear and pain, and small tears formed in the corners of his eyes.
Kaoru sighed and stood up. “Good night.” He whispered and began to walk towards the door. When he grabbed the door handle and was about to go out of the door he heard a small voice that stopped him. “Kaoru?” The man in question turned back around. “Yes?”
Die had sat up slightly and he looked at the other with pleading eyes. “Can I ask you a favour?”
Kaoru smiled a little. “Of course you can.”
“Would you hold me?”
The fear in Die’s eyes was so intense that Kaoru could never imagine denying his wish. Not that he’d denied it in any other situation. Usually whenever Die wanted something, Kaoru felt a strong urge to give it to him. Now Kaoru just nodded and returned to the bed before slipping under the covers and enveloping the younger man into his arms. Die curled up to him and clutched him like he was his only safe in this world.
*
The next day Kaoru woke up, dressed himself and Die, and took the younger man into the living room before preparing something for breakfast. When he came back from the kitchen with some soup Die was sitting on the couch and staring out of the window. Kaoru sat down beside him. “I brought you soup. It’s not really a good breakfast, but I honestly forgot to go shopping and it’s all I have.” Kaoru tried to give the bowl to Die, but the younger man didn’t even move. He hardly blinked.
“Die… You need to eat.” As the other still didn’t move, Kaoru took the spoon and brought a spoonful of soup to Die’s full lips. The redhead opened his mouth reflexively and even swallowed when the food was in his mouth. Slowly Kaoru continued to feed the younger guitarist until the bowl was empty. Then he rose up and went to kitchen to wash the dishes. When he was ready, he glanced at the clock. 12:25. He remembered that he’d promised to meet with the local police chief at one, so he really should get going.
Kaoru went into the living room only to find Die still sitting and staring out of the window, into nothing at all. The lead guitarist felt like crying when he saw his once so lively and happy friend so broken. “Die?” The red headed man raised his head and looked the older guitarist in the eye. “Die, I need to visit the police station. Can you manage here alone for a while?” The younger man nodded and returned to gaze out of the window. Kaoru sighed and left, intending to come back as soon as possible.
*
Kaoru walked in through the doors and saw a tall man leaning on the table in the back of the large room. He glanced up from his papers and immediately spotted the guitarist. “Ah, mr. Niikura. I’m the chief of this police department, Yasuhiro. Nice to meet you.” He stood up, came nearer and offered his hand. Kaoru shook it and the chief continued. “I need to discuss with you about the actions we should take according to this very unfortunate accident which happened to your friend.” Kaoru nodded. “So maybe we should go to my office and –“ The man was cut off when a small young man in a police’s uniform entered the room.
The young police came near and leaned in to whisper something to the police chief. The tall man’s expression darkened and he turned around to face Kaoru. “If you’d kindly wait here, mr. Niikura, my presence is needed elsewhere for a moment.” “No problem, take your time.” The chief bowed lightly and exited the room. When left alone Kaoru glanced around in the room. There were four cells, three of them empty. He felt anger start to boil in him when he realized who was in the only occupied cell. The dark haired man sitting on the bunk recognized the blue haired guitarist too, and stood up before walking nearer.
“Hey, you’re the one who got me here, aren’t you? C’mon, it was really nothing, I didn’t even kill that friend of yours. It did him only good.” The dark haired man shouted and pointed a finger at Kaoru. The guitarist chose to ignore the man, but soon realized that it might have been a mistake. An evil grin appeared on the man’s lips and he started talking in a loud firm voice. “You know, I always thought it would be good, but hell, it was perfect! I really loved the way his tears flowed down his pretty cheeks. That was definitely one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. He really has beautiful eyes, so clear and one can definitely see his emotions in them, especially his fear.” The man stressed the last word and continued.
“And the way he screamed in pain when I thrust in him without even prepping him first. He was a virgin in that department, wasn’t he? I mean, otherwise he couldn’t have bled like that. I think I really tore him apart.” Kaoru’s fists clenched and he bit his bottom lip so hard that it drew blood. The dark haired man was lucky that he was behind bars so the lead guitarist couldn’t attack him. As Kaoru said nothing, the man smirked and decided to go on. “Too bad he wasn’t very co-operative. I had to beat some sense into him. I hope I didn’t break any of his pretty bones. It would be a real shame. But I think that he must have some really colourful bruises right now. You should’ve seen the way he begged for mercy, although I silenced him quite soon. It was heart-breaking. I think that next time I’ll make him beg even more.”
At that point Kaoru had lost his temper completely. He bit his teeth together and moved in so close the other man he could cursing the bars which were blocking the way. The dark haired man gulped loudly and backed off against the wall. He tried not to show his fear, but he definitely believed that if those bars weren’t there, he would be dead by now. Kaoru spoke quietly, but there was so much hate and anger laced in his voice that it made the other man shiver with fear. “You will never go near him again. I’ll make sure you will rot in jail for as long as you live, even if it’s the last thing I do. And if you somehow manage to get out and make your way near him, I will kill you. Slowly and painfully. Understood?” The dark haired man nodded slowly and held his breath. He didn’t dare to breathe until when Kaoru had left the room.
Kaoru was sitting in the hall his face buried in his hands when the police chief found him. “Oh, mr. Niikura. I thought you were supposed to wait for me in the cell department.” Kaoru lifted his head and stood up. “I’m sorry. But if I had stayed there I might’ve done something I’d regret.” “That’s okay, let’s go to my office now. I’ll give you exact details of what you need to do.” The chief gestured Kaoru to follow him, which the smaller man obediently did.
*
Kaoru was truly worried about Die. The redhead had been staring out of the window for all morning. In fact he had been sitting on the same spot on Kaoru’s couch staring out of the window all the time when he was awake. It was only a week after the assault, and Kaoru knew it would be a miracle if Die would be any better so soon. But still he had hoped for it. Now he tried to make the everyday life as easy to the other as possible.
For a couple of days Kaoru had to feed Die by offering the food to him like to a child. Then the younger man started to eat by himself, all Kaoru needed to do was to bring the food in front of him. Slowly, Die began to show interest in small everyday activities. But most of the time, he was lost, staring out of the window. When his friends visited him, he did greet them and answered when he was asked a question. But that was about it in the beginning.
During the first few weeks he cried a lot. Then Kaoru took him in his arms and let him cry against his shoulder until he calmed down. Many times he fell asleep in the other’s comforting embrace, mostly because he was overly tired after not being able to sleep at night due to the nightmares. He used to wake up screaming, covered in cold sweat. And then also Kaoru didn’t ask anything, he only hugged the other closer and offered silent comfort which was gladly accepted.
Once again Die woke up, heart pumping million miles per hour. He had been dreaming again and even the memory of that dream made him shiver. Then he felt a pair of arms envelope him and he leaned into the warm embrace. “Shhh… It’s okay, Die, it’s only a dream. It can’t hurt you.” Of course Die already knew that dreams couldn’t hurt him, but it felt good to hear someone else say it out loud. So the redhead nuzzled closer the older man and hugged him tighter. “Thank you, Kao.” Kaoru smiled. “It’s nothing. You’re welcome.” Die raised his gaze and locked it to meet the older one’s eyes. “No, I really mean it. Thank you for everything. Thanks for not abandoning me and thank you for being here for me. Thank you for still loving me.” The smaller man just leaned in and kissed the other softly, tenderly. “I’ll always love you.”
Author:
fonulynRating: NC-17
Pairing: Kaoru and Die
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do not get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: WARNING! This contains a non-con situation, as in a rape. So if you think you can't handle that, please don't read. The fic in itself handles the dealing with such a trauma, as in a some kind of surviving story of one victim.
Die was sitting on the couch in their rehearsal studio. That day’s practice had already ended and he was only waiting for Kaoru to come so they could get going since they had agreed to grab some lunch together. They had actually been dating for about two weeks, and to Die it felt like he’d been with the other man for years. It was like they had some kind of mental connection, so they understood each other amazingly well. Whenever they were together, Die felt like he’d come home.
As soon as Kaoru entered the room and saw the other guitarist sitting there a warm glint lit in his eyes and his face broke into a gentle smile. He came near and crawled to sit on Die’s lap bending down to press his lips on the redhead’s full and soft ones. The younger man parted his lips and Kaoru slipped his tongue into the other’s mouth to play with its twin while Die wrapped his arms loosely around Kaoru’s waist and pulled him closer. After they parted the older man nuzzled the other’s neck. “Mmmmh… This is nice.” Die pressed his face into the bandleader’s soft blue hair.
“Hey, Kao…” Die blushed slightly and continued. ”Did you know that you’re the only man I’ve ever really kissed?” Kaoru smiled affectionately running his fingers along Die’s cheek. “I kinda guessed that. That’s why I want to take this slowly. I don’t want to ruin everything by rushing into things. I care for you too much to ever want to lose you.” Die smiled happily. Hearing that kind of words from the blue haired lead guitarist made his heart sing. Kaoru reached up and looked Die in the eye. “Actually I think I’m beginning to really love you.” The redhead grinned. “I love you too.”
Dir en grey had recently published their first album and toured hell of a lot in order to promote it. The tour was reaching its end and now they had played live three evenings in a row. Tonight’s show was in a middle sized club, as an opening act along with two other bands. They only had time to play five songs, but they put all their energy into their performance and the audience was thoroughly enjoying themselves.
In the back of the club, a tall dark haired man stood alone, back pressed against the wall. He watched. Like he had been watching for weeks, months even. He watched closely every little move the redheaded guitarist made on stage, memorizing every single moment. At that point, you could say that this dark man knew the guitarist’s daily routine probably better than the man himself. He’d been studying. And he learned quickly.
The man had an obsession. And that obsession had bright red hair and a wide grin. The man went to every single concert he was able to, he followed the guitarist around and had found out where he lived. He also had a plan. A plan, he had had for almost a year. Now he thought that it was the perfect time to take action. In three days. Three days and then was the moment.
It was a sunny Wednesday afternoon. Practice had ended early and Kaoru had asked if he could walk Die home. They walked side by side, enjoying the company and the soft breeze that caressed them. “So, Die, do you have any plans for tonight?” The redhead smiled stunningly at the bandleader. “Nope. Why? Did you have some plans?” Kaoru grinned. “Yeah. I planned that I’d take you out to dinner.” Die grinned back playfully. “What makes you think that I’d come with you, you dirty old man.” Kaoru smacked the other’s arm and formed an adorable pout. “I’m only a year older than you. So don’t talk like I’m some ancient relic.” They both laughed and soon realized that they were standing in front of Die’s apartment.
Die laid his hand on the door handle, but made no actual move to go inside. He turned around slowly and smiled when he noticed that the other was still standing there. “Is the offer still on? About the dinner.” The older one grinned looking satisfied. “Of course it is, dummy. I’ll pick you up at half past eight.” Die nodded, his heart swelling of emotion. He already felt the excitement course through him. “I can’t wait.” The younger man leaned downwards and pressed a quick kiss on the other’s lips before slipping into the apartment.
He left his shoes in the doorway and went into the kitchen to grab something to eat. He made himself a sandwich and stuffed it quickly into his mouth. He decided that he needed to get a shower before Kaoru came to pick him up, but before that he’d have to choose what to wear so he headed to his bedroom. Somehow he wanted to make an impression to the lead guitarist, although they’d known each other for years.
Die was a happy person, but at that moment he felt unusually happy. Kaoru had that affect on him. Whenever they spent time together the redhead felt like he definitely was one of the happiest men on earth. Although he never had been with another man before, hell, he had never even thought possible he’d want to be with another man, he suddenly wanted nothing more than to spend time with Kaoru. He laughed at himself whenever he got sentimental like that, but he honestly thought that his bandleader was the love of his life.
Suddenly Die was brought back from his thoughts when he heard a rustling noise behind himself. He quickly turned around. Had Kaoru forgot something? He raised his voice. “Kao? Is that you?” No one answered. Die felt his pulse speed up and he tried not to let his voice shake. “Hello?” He didn’t even have time to realize what hit him, before he was pinned up against the nearest wall. “What the f -” A rough hand pressed his throat. “Don’t you even try to say a word or I’ll kill you.” The attacker’s voice was a low growl, and in the semi-dark room Die could only see his silhouette.
Adrenaline starter to flow right through him and he started to struggle, but instantly the stranger tightened his grip on Die’s throat. The man was slightly taller than the guitarist, and definitely a lot stronger. The redhead’s vision started to blur, he tried desperately to catch his breath as his lungs screamed for oxygen. Then he felt a sudden pain in his temple where the other hit him. “Now try to be a good boy, so it won’t be so painful.” When Die kicked the attacker in spite of his words, he grabbed Die’s arm and threw him to the floor.
“What did I just tell you?” The man roared and aimed a strong kick to Die’s ribs. The redhead yelped in pain and tried to shelter his head with his arms. The attacker kept on kicking for a while, first aiming to the guitarist’s torso, and then couple of times to his head. Die tasted blood in his mouth and he realized that his teeth had pierced his lower lip. “Are you still going to fight?” The man asked laughing mockingly. Die spit a little blood to the floor. “Fuck you.” The man laughed at Die’s words, almost happily. “No. But I’m going to fuck you.”
Die’s eyes widened when he realized what the man had just said. A little light seeped through the curtains and he saw that his attacker was a tall and strong looking man with dark shoulder length hair. The gleam in the man’s eyes was almost psychotic and Die began to fear for his life. One more strong kick hit his head and his mind numbed momentarily. He felt strong arms lift him up, throw him onto the bed and rip his clothing off, garment by garment. He tried to struggle, but was rewarded with a strong grip on his throat once again.
Somewhere between his other activities the dark haired man had managed to get rid of his own pants, and now he pressed his body against Die’s. “Now you’re going to get to know a real man.” The man’s hot breath struck in the redhead’s ear and he shivered unpleasantly. Die felt fingers tangle in his long red hair and pull painfully. Tears began to form in the corners of his eyes. “No… Stop… Please, don’t do it.” His own voice sounded odd and broken. “Please, no…” The man licked Die’s tears away and laughed. “Do you honestly think that I’d stop now? I want you. And whatever I want I will get.”
The man pinned Die’s hands above his head and spread his long lean legs with his own. Die felt his heart hammering like it was about to burst out of his chest, the fear was overwhelming. He tried desperately to free himself from the other’s grasp, but his efforts were in vain. Suddenly the dark haired man thrust into the redhead who felt like he was being killed. He heard desperate screaming and realized suddenly that he was the one who screamed himself. He tasted his own salty tears as the man began to move inside him. Laces of pain shot through him with each thrust, and he just wanted to die.
The guitarist didn’t remember feeling that much pain ever before in his life. The man on top of him was groaning in pleasure, and bit down in Die’s collarbone leaving a dark mark. After what might have been forever the man shuddered a final time and Die felt something warm dribble inside of him. The dark haired man forced the redhead’s head to bend down initiating a rough one sided kiss before collapsing on top of him.
Die was too afraid to move before he felt that the man above him had fallen asleep. When snoring filled the room, he began to struggle in order to get out from under the limp body of his attacker. Every single part of his body ached and he wasn’t so sure that he could even walk. It was like his lower back was on fire, he needed to bite his lip so that he wouldn’t cry out in pain. He shoved the man into his side and turned quickly away from him. He felt like vomiting, but nothing came actually up.
He leaned on the wall for support and headed away from the bed, away from his worst nightmare this far. Somehow he managed to drag himself into the bathroom and under the shower. He turned the shower on and let the hot water burn his skin. The water was so hot that it hurt, but Die didn’t care. He felt like burning was the only way to wash away the shame. It was like the dark haired man’s touches had left marks on his smooth skin and he felt filthy. Like he was covered in dirt, both inside and out.
He couldn’t stand for long, and soon he collapsed onto the floor. He leaned his back against the wall and buried his face into his hands. Strong sobs strove through his bruised and beaten body as he cried like he’d never cried before. The water had long ago turned freezing, but Die didn’t care. He didn’t even notice.
Kaoru was at Die’s door in time, a little over eight. He knocked on the door and waited. No one answered. He knocked again, a little louder this time. He glanced at his watch. Die was known of being always late, and now it was actually early. But why in hell didn’t he open the door. Kaoru sighed in annoyance and decided that he could as well go in and see what Die was up to.
The door wasn’t locked so Kaoru decided to go in and look for his band mate. He took a glance around the living room, nothing seemed out of ordinary. The room was a bit messy, couple of magazines was lying on the floor and some half-used clothes were thrown on the couch. Nothing unusual. “Die?” He tried to call his friend, first quietly, then louder. No answer. So he decided to go for the bedroom. The lights were out, but he could hear soft snoring. ‘Did that idiot really forget our date? He deserves to be waken up harshly.’ Kaoru thought and with that he flipped the light switch. When the lights snapped on and enlightened the whole room, he experienced the shock of his life.
A complete stranger to him was lying on the bed, drooling on the pillow and dressed only in a white t-shirt. There were random garments all over the floor and a small amount of blood on the sheets. ‘My god… Where’s Die?’ Kaoru’s thoughts were running fast and he really started to panic. He knew Die well enough to realize that the redhead wouldn’t just voluntarily jump into the bed with some random-guy. He took another look at the strange man, who looked like he was heavily drunk and sleeping it off. Kaoru figured that he wouldn’t have to worry about the man waking up in a really long time. Now he only needed to find Die and make sure he was okay. He heard a quiet sound of running water and came into the conclusion that by heading to the bathroom he’d find what he was looking for.
Kaoru opened the door to the bathroom and carefully looked inside. The first thing he saw was a mass of red hair. The younger guitarist was curled in to a small ball under the running water. He had buried his face into his hands and by the way his shoulders were shaking Kaoru could tell he was crying. Kaoru walked closer and turned off the shower before kneeling down in front of the crying man not caring that his jeans got soaking wet due to the pool of water on the floor. Now that he was closer he could see that the younger man’s whole body was covered with bruises. He gasped and brought his hand up to touch the other’s shoulder. “What the hell did that man do to you?”
“Don’t touch me.” Kaoru could barely recognize his friend’s broken voice. Die tried to inch away from the older one. “I’m filthy.” As soon as the words had left the redhead’s lips his whole body shook with another half choked sob. Kaoru slowly rose up and fetched a large fluffy towel. He leaned down and wrapped it around the other before sitting down again and hugging him close. “No you’re not. Can you tell me what happened?” Die couldn’t hold back anymore, he clutched Kaoru’s shirt knuckles white and broke down crying uncontrollably.
Kaoru didn’t know how long he just sat there holding the crying man in his arms. But after some time Die managed to form some logical sentences so that the older man could get a picture of what had happened. Kaoru’s first thought was to go and beat the crap out of that bastard who was still lying in the bedroom, at least his snoring still echoed around the apartment, but instead he decided to call the police. However he didn’t want to leave Die alone in the bathroom. “Die, do you think you can stand?” He received a small nod, and so he dragged both of them into a standing position, still holding the other securely.
Somehow Kaoru managed to get himself and the barely moving Die into the living-room, where he had seen the redhead’s phone. His own he had left in his car. He helped Die to sit down on the couch, and as soon as he let go of him, the younger one curled up into a ball, circling his arms around his legs. Kaoru’s heart felt like it was beating in his throat and he felt dizzy. He picked up the phone and dialled the number of police department.
The officers came quickly. The dark haired man barely woke up when he was dragged to the waiting police car, and didn’t cause any troubles. Kaoru gave the polices his name and phone number and was permitted to leave. He went into the bedroom and grabbed some of Die’s clothes and stuffed them into a suitcase. Then he went back to the redhead, who was still sitting on the couch in the very same position he had been in when Kaoru had called the police. “Come on, Die, let’s get you dressed.” The younger man wasn’t exactly co-operative, but he didn’t fight back and let Kaoru dress him in a pair of baggy jeans and a large blue t-shirt. After finishing his task Kaoru yanked Die up and commanded. “Okay. Now we go.” Die looked like he woke up at that moment. ”Go where?” “To the hospital, then to police station. After that into my apartment. You’re staying there for a while now.” Die only nodded and let Kaoru to take him into the waiting car.
The check-up at the hospital was quick but detailed, the doctors asked short questions and Die answered as much as he could in his broken state. The polices were present all the time, so they had only a few more questions to ask and pretty soon the guitarists were excused after the police chief asked Kaoru to visit the police station the next day. When they arrived into Kaoru’s apartment Kaoru helped Die to sit down on the couch. It was only fifteen minutes to ten, but Kaoru didn’t quite know what to say or do. He sat down beside Die, who was staring blankly at nothing at all. “Die?” The younger man snapped to reality and turned a little so that he could look the older one in the eye. “Are you hungry?”
Die sighed. “Kao, I don’t honestly think that I could eat anything right now.”
“Uh, okay. If there’s anything you need, just let me know.”
The redhead nodded slightly. The silence fell upon them.
“Kaoru?”
“Yes?”
“Could I go to sleep? I’m tired.” Kaoru nodded, rose up and offered his hand to Die, who took it and followed the other blindly. The lead guitarist located old pyjamas that he figured would fit Die, and helped the redhead to change. Since he had no guestroom, he led the younger man to his own bed and covered him with a large blanket. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Die. “Really, if you need anything, just say so.” Die nodded again. His eyes still reflected fear and pain, and small tears formed in the corners of his eyes.
Kaoru sighed and stood up. “Good night.” He whispered and began to walk towards the door. When he grabbed the door handle and was about to go out of the door he heard a small voice that stopped him. “Kaoru?” The man in question turned back around. “Yes?”
Die had sat up slightly and he looked at the other with pleading eyes. “Can I ask you a favour?”
Kaoru smiled a little. “Of course you can.”
“Would you hold me?”
The fear in Die’s eyes was so intense that Kaoru could never imagine denying his wish. Not that he’d denied it in any other situation. Usually whenever Die wanted something, Kaoru felt a strong urge to give it to him. Now Kaoru just nodded and returned to the bed before slipping under the covers and enveloping the younger man into his arms. Die curled up to him and clutched him like he was his only safe in this world.
The next day Kaoru woke up, dressed himself and Die, and took the younger man into the living room before preparing something for breakfast. When he came back from the kitchen with some soup Die was sitting on the couch and staring out of the window. Kaoru sat down beside him. “I brought you soup. It’s not really a good breakfast, but I honestly forgot to go shopping and it’s all I have.” Kaoru tried to give the bowl to Die, but the younger man didn’t even move. He hardly blinked.
“Die… You need to eat.” As the other still didn’t move, Kaoru took the spoon and brought a spoonful of soup to Die’s full lips. The redhead opened his mouth reflexively and even swallowed when the food was in his mouth. Slowly Kaoru continued to feed the younger guitarist until the bowl was empty. Then he rose up and went to kitchen to wash the dishes. When he was ready, he glanced at the clock. 12:25. He remembered that he’d promised to meet with the local police chief at one, so he really should get going.
Kaoru went into the living room only to find Die still sitting and staring out of the window, into nothing at all. The lead guitarist felt like crying when he saw his once so lively and happy friend so broken. “Die?” The red headed man raised his head and looked the older guitarist in the eye. “Die, I need to visit the police station. Can you manage here alone for a while?” The younger man nodded and returned to gaze out of the window. Kaoru sighed and left, intending to come back as soon as possible.
Kaoru walked in through the doors and saw a tall man leaning on the table in the back of the large room. He glanced up from his papers and immediately spotted the guitarist. “Ah, mr. Niikura. I’m the chief of this police department, Yasuhiro. Nice to meet you.” He stood up, came nearer and offered his hand. Kaoru shook it and the chief continued. “I need to discuss with you about the actions we should take according to this very unfortunate accident which happened to your friend.” Kaoru nodded. “So maybe we should go to my office and –“ The man was cut off when a small young man in a police’s uniform entered the room.
The young police came near and leaned in to whisper something to the police chief. The tall man’s expression darkened and he turned around to face Kaoru. “If you’d kindly wait here, mr. Niikura, my presence is needed elsewhere for a moment.” “No problem, take your time.” The chief bowed lightly and exited the room. When left alone Kaoru glanced around in the room. There were four cells, three of them empty. He felt anger start to boil in him when he realized who was in the only occupied cell. The dark haired man sitting on the bunk recognized the blue haired guitarist too, and stood up before walking nearer.
“Hey, you’re the one who got me here, aren’t you? C’mon, it was really nothing, I didn’t even kill that friend of yours. It did him only good.” The dark haired man shouted and pointed a finger at Kaoru. The guitarist chose to ignore the man, but soon realized that it might have been a mistake. An evil grin appeared on the man’s lips and he started talking in a loud firm voice. “You know, I always thought it would be good, but hell, it was perfect! I really loved the way his tears flowed down his pretty cheeks. That was definitely one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. He really has beautiful eyes, so clear and one can definitely see his emotions in them, especially his fear.” The man stressed the last word and continued.
“And the way he screamed in pain when I thrust in him without even prepping him first. He was a virgin in that department, wasn’t he? I mean, otherwise he couldn’t have bled like that. I think I really tore him apart.” Kaoru’s fists clenched and he bit his bottom lip so hard that it drew blood. The dark haired man was lucky that he was behind bars so the lead guitarist couldn’t attack him. As Kaoru said nothing, the man smirked and decided to go on. “Too bad he wasn’t very co-operative. I had to beat some sense into him. I hope I didn’t break any of his pretty bones. It would be a real shame. But I think that he must have some really colourful bruises right now. You should’ve seen the way he begged for mercy, although I silenced him quite soon. It was heart-breaking. I think that next time I’ll make him beg even more.”
At that point Kaoru had lost his temper completely. He bit his teeth together and moved in so close the other man he could cursing the bars which were blocking the way. The dark haired man gulped loudly and backed off against the wall. He tried not to show his fear, but he definitely believed that if those bars weren’t there, he would be dead by now. Kaoru spoke quietly, but there was so much hate and anger laced in his voice that it made the other man shiver with fear. “You will never go near him again. I’ll make sure you will rot in jail for as long as you live, even if it’s the last thing I do. And if you somehow manage to get out and make your way near him, I will kill you. Slowly and painfully. Understood?” The dark haired man nodded slowly and held his breath. He didn’t dare to breathe until when Kaoru had left the room.
Kaoru was sitting in the hall his face buried in his hands when the police chief found him. “Oh, mr. Niikura. I thought you were supposed to wait for me in the cell department.” Kaoru lifted his head and stood up. “I’m sorry. But if I had stayed there I might’ve done something I’d regret.” “That’s okay, let’s go to my office now. I’ll give you exact details of what you need to do.” The chief gestured Kaoru to follow him, which the smaller man obediently did.
Kaoru was truly worried about Die. The redhead had been staring out of the window for all morning. In fact he had been sitting on the same spot on Kaoru’s couch staring out of the window all the time when he was awake. It was only a week after the assault, and Kaoru knew it would be a miracle if Die would be any better so soon. But still he had hoped for it. Now he tried to make the everyday life as easy to the other as possible.
For a couple of days Kaoru had to feed Die by offering the food to him like to a child. Then the younger man started to eat by himself, all Kaoru needed to do was to bring the food in front of him. Slowly, Die began to show interest in small everyday activities. But most of the time, he was lost, staring out of the window. When his friends visited him, he did greet them and answered when he was asked a question. But that was about it in the beginning.
During the first few weeks he cried a lot. Then Kaoru took him in his arms and let him cry against his shoulder until he calmed down. Many times he fell asleep in the other’s comforting embrace, mostly because he was overly tired after not being able to sleep at night due to the nightmares. He used to wake up screaming, covered in cold sweat. And then also Kaoru didn’t ask anything, he only hugged the other closer and offered silent comfort which was gladly accepted.
Once again Die woke up, heart pumping million miles per hour. He had been dreaming again and even the memory of that dream made him shiver. Then he felt a pair of arms envelope him and he leaned into the warm embrace. “Shhh… It’s okay, Die, it’s only a dream. It can’t hurt you.” Of course Die already knew that dreams couldn’t hurt him, but it felt good to hear someone else say it out loud. So the redhead nuzzled closer the older man and hugged him tighter. “Thank you, Kao.” Kaoru smiled. “It’s nothing. You’re welcome.” Die raised his gaze and locked it to meet the older one’s eyes. “No, I really mean it. Thank you for everything. Thanks for not abandoning me and thank you for being here for me. Thank you for still loving me.” The smaller man just leaned in and kissed the other softly, tenderly. “I’ll always love you.”
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i hate what happened to die but i enjoyed reading it. thanks for posting, even if its a late sorta comment
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I hate what happened to Die as well, but I kind of enjoyed writing the whole story. Or maybe 'enjoy' is the wrong word, but it needed to come out and I had no other choice but to type it down. And since it's a difficult topic after all, I'm really glad to hear that you liked it!
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I had to comment, I'mma save this k? xD
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I almost cried ALMOST
I have written something similar, RukixKyo one, needs work now that I've read. Seinen_no has it if you want to read it, I can send it :D but the fic is like 60pages long...
I plan to read more soexpect more comments. Oh yeah I'm gunna save "spread your wings" to my pc...hope you dont mind
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Do read all you want! It's only encouraged ;) And of course we don't mind if you save it. It's just an honor!
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aww you shouldn't hate yourself for that! *hugs* it's really good when fanfiction touches the tough subjects in life, cuz life isn't as bright as we want it to be, ne? ^^
I mean.. if it was bright, then Die and Kaoru would be gay in RL and they'd definitely be a couple *halos* :3 and Diru would write and perform a birthday song for me that I desperately want *sigh*
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*hugs back* You're right with that too^^ I mean, I usually want fanfics to be happy at least in the end since I hate sad endings, but having some 'seriousness' in between is only good. And well, in a way the stories do portray real life (although they never happened with these characters XD) so I suppose it's natural to go through the whole variety of subjects.
Aw maybe they will one day (when you're filthy rich and pay them gazillion for it XD) and damn, I'll rather keep on living inside my head where they're perfectly together XD
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When I'm filthy rich I'm gonna pay them to star in a porn movie that I'd sponsor/produce *nodnod* >XD
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haha, that made me so crack up! And I would SO give all my money to support that movie! Just tell me when you're rich enough to start talking them into it XDD
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I'll definitely let you know! 8DDD
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I am happy I found it again~
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I don't know much about fiction on LJ but I've noticed that when people write stuff about such a delicate subject, it reads like they've tried to make it into porn or something, which personally, I find highly unrealistic and insensitive. I don't know if they're the right words... but I just... don't like it. .__.
It's just nice to find a fic that deals with it correctly, you know? Because stuff like this needs to be covered but you have to have a certain maturity to do it well.
But anyway, enough pretentious preaching from me. It's not like I'd be able to pull it off. xD
I would actually assist Kaoru in killing that dude. Do NOT mess with Die *death glare*
But the ending made me smile :3 It's nice that he has Kao being all supportive.
Wow, a vaguely serious comment. .__. I must be feeling ill. Or just very hot.
I did read the sequel to this as well, which of course, I enjoyed, but I wanted to comment on this one, even though it's old.
Now I must keep away from this journal so I can attempt to write my own stories D:
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And another huge thank you for those words you said! I'm really glad that you found it handled well! It's not like I'd have any personal experience with said subject (thank god!) but I noticed too that people tend to shrug even the serious topics off and turn it to mere porn (and hey, I LIKE porn but there's a time and place for everything, sheesh). Like these "Oh honey I got raped, please fuck me so I get over it in five minutes! :O" -fics. As if something of that majority could be 'cured' in a few moments! haha, but now I am rambling, so better stop XD
I would assist him with it too, trust me. I would gladly kill that guy with my bare hands
if he'd exist in reality x)! I'm glad that the ending made you smile though :) It wasn't meant to be all dark and depressive, so that's good!haha, I've said it before and I'll say it again: ANY comment from you is a good one ;D
And hey, you can always come back for more reading later on ;D Thanks again for the comment! <3
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Ahaha, I have read quite a lot of the archive, to be honest. There's a lot there xD
But yeah, since I wasn't even around on LJ at that time (i'm such a noob), I'm not going to ignore fics that I haven't had a chance to read just because they're old. I just didn't know if they were meant to be commented on xD Which sounds stupid. And I wanted to comment on Descendants of Darkness but it would've been a page long rant about Kaoru winning over Toshiya, so I avoided doing so, just in case I made enemies xD.
No problem :3
Oh no, I wouldn't wish that on anybody at all and really I don't think you necessarily need personal experience to write. I'm most certainly not a gay man and I've never been in a relationship but I have some idea of how it would work.
You've just got to use your head, you know? Think logically and use common sense. If you don't think you can write something sensitive and write it well, don't do it. It's one thing writing bad smut or whatever, but when it comes to something like this... .___. I dunno if I sound horrible... I don't intend to.
And exactly... there's loads of those stories where they get raped on monday and then they're fucking their boyfriend by wednesday. That would not happen, no matter how much they love each other.
Or there's the ones where they fall in love with their attacker. .___. I suppose if it's some kind of twisted perception of love... or like... they've become totally dependent on the other person and think that that is what love is, then okay, it's more plausible. but not 'oh you've kept me in a cellar for the last year and a bit, lets get married'.
Bloody hell. that was a long, pointless rant .__. I apologise.
He better be scared. T_T
Aye it did :3 Especially since Die did not deserve that at all. I mean, no one does... but Die ;___; *cuddles*
My comments are always so much longer than other people's. Not coz they're constructive but because I waffle .__. I'm still not convinced they're any good but if you insist xD
Welcome again xD *goes reluctantly back to word*
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haha there indeed is a lot there XD At least one doesn't run out of fics to read that soon! And hey, that's the right attitude! :) When I first discovered lj, I went through all the entries in the Die/Kaoru community (it was actually the first comm I found XD) until the place was created. Yeah, I was that much of a no-life addict XD
*coughs* Well, I can't deny that there are several people who would probably disagree with that rant XD There are so many D/K people on the journal's friends-list! Personally, I would've wanted to write a Kaoru/Die/Toshiya -vampire fic. You know, with all three of them somehow ending up together XD But I was told it'd be impossible *pouts*
You're right with that too! It's not necessary to have personal experience, but it IS allowed to use common sense! Like, there was this one author who kept on writing about eating-disorders and such, claiming she knew EVERYTHING about them since she had one, and now she would show how the fics would be done right. I didn't like that arrogant attitude, but neither the fics, so... XD
Oh, yeah, that's one thing. The "Stockholm Syndrome" x) Where the kidnapped falls in love with the kidnapper and so on. It can happen, human mind is that twisted, but what are the odds anyways? And it doesn't happen all *snap* like that either, like in most of those fics it does. It needs time to develop.
Die deserves only sunshine and roses! C'mon, that man is an angel, I swear! As in, of course a drinking and smoking angel XD But anyways. He's utterly sweet.
Hey, I don't think it matters if they're good or not, since I like them and THAT is the main thing! ;)
Good luck with that!