rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 02:06 am
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 02:06 am
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Title: Accepting Himself
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fonulyn
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kyo and Die
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do not get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: It’s Kyo’s pov. It's rather old, one of the first things I ever wrote. Somehow I still like it and thought I'd share it with you.
Accepting Himself
The smell of just made coffee filled my senses and I began to struggle in order to open my eyes. First the left one. Raise the eyelid... Good. Almost there. Now the other one. Good. Focusing my gaze… And what a view! Die was standing in the doorway, wearing only his pyjamas. He held a tray in his hands and he smiled oh-so-adorably. “Morning, Kyo-chan! I decided to make some breakfast for you.” I lifted myself to a sitting position and took the tray he was handing to me. “Thanks.” I muttered, not awake enough to hit him for calling me ‘chan’ as he sat on the bed beside me.
I managed to stuff the food into my mouth in no time. Die watched me, clearly amused. “You surely eat much for such a small guy.” I glanced at him. “Yeah, but that’s only because you cause me to have a big appetite.” I moved the tray to floor before I slammed Die lying onto the bed. “And I’m hungry still.” He smirked. “So, you want me to go get you some more bread?” “No.” I leaned down and pressed my lips on his neck. “I’m hungry for you.” “I see.” He lifted me up and gave me a smooch. I was helpless but to succumb.
After a moment I pulled back so I could just watch my beautiful guitarist for a second. He looked so utterly irresistible and all I wanted to do was to ravish him completely and forever. I never thought of myself as the sentimental type, but when I fell for Die, I fell hard. We had started... uhm... seeing each other three months ago, and now he practically spent his whole free time in my apartment. The only thing clouding my life at that moment was that as far as anyone knew, Die and I were still just friends. See, he was still very much in the closet if I may say so. I wanted to yell my joy to the whole world, but he had developed some sort of major problem with that. I agreed to keep our relationship a secret, although it meant that I wasn’t allowed to cling to him in public and stuff like that. It wasn’t easy, but what wouldn’t I do for that gorgeous guy?
I got dragged back from my thoughts when Die pinched my cheek and smirked. “I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but we have to get going. The rehearsal starts in half an hour.” Fuck. I completely had ignored the practice. “Do we really have to be there in time?” I tried to look at him as pleadingly as possible. He considered it for a while. “Mmmh, I guess that we could be a bit late this time...” I tangled my fingers in his shirt so I could pull him against me.“Great.”
---
A couple of days later I was sitting on the floor in our rehearsal-studio. It was still early in the morning, so I was all alone. I had spent the night there because yesterday a sudden inspiration hit me and I wanted to work the song out when I got the perfect opportunity. Some time in the night I fell asleep on the floor, but the work was nearly done. I was quite pleased with myself at that moment.
I was just grinning happily to myself when Die walked in. He seemed to be quite amused as he came to me and landed on his knees on the floor in front of me. “What’s so funny, Kyo?” I didn’t reply and just stared at him. Damn that man! He was wearing leather pants again. And with a sporty t-shirt. He has to have no sense of style at all... But why in hell does he look so hot then?
Die seemed confused. “What are you thinking?” I raised my hand to caress his cheek. “Nothing. Just that your skin looks unbelievingly soft...” He leaned into the touch and closed his eyes. “And..?” “And that your lips seem to be damn soft too.” I crawled to his lap and placed my mouth against his. He instantly parted his lips for me to enter and I used the kiss to distract him while I placed him lying back against the floor.
He opened his eyes and I looked him in the eye. It was like I could see straight through to his soul. He grinned. “Oh, and anything else?” I let my hands travel down his chest before I replied. “Then I thought that I’d get you down to the floor and fuck you mercilessly.” “Do you realize that we’re in a quite public place and anyone could walk right in on us?” I opened the button of his pants. “Oh yeah, I know. But really, that turns me on even more.” I kissed him again and he responded fiercely. Things were looking great to me. Just when I was about to get rid of his shirt we were pulled back to reality with a small giggle. Our eyes shot open and we stared briefly at each other before we turned our gaze and spotted a tall frame in the doorway.
Toshiya giggled again. “Don’t mind me guys, just continue on what you were doing.” We must’ve seemed really awkward, Die lying on the floor and I sitting on him, both blushing like hell. I felt Die tense beneath me and I rolled off of him. He stood up and tried to explain, his voice trembling. “Listen, Toshiya, this isn’t really what it seems...” I bit my lip and swallowed the words I almost were about to burst out. It hurt when Die tried to deny everything, deny me. But I saw the panic in his eyes and remained silent. This wasn’t easy for him either. Toshiya, however, didn’t buy the explanation. He just smiled happily. “Right, and pigs fly.” With that the bassist went to find his instrument.
Die blushed even more, if possible, and I tried to put my hand on his shoulder to calm him down. But he stepped away and avoided looking at me. I felt extremely rejected but I blinked the forming tears away from the corners of my eyes. I waited for the anger to boil inside of me, but it never came. Only plain sorrow. I don’t remember anything from that day’s practice. It was all too foggy. And I was so lost.
---
Die avoided me for nearly a week, and I let him. He surely needed some time to think. And the best I could do was to prepare myself for the possibility that he wouldn’t want to see me ever again. He had silently returned to sleep in his own apartment, he talked to me as little as possible and he never let himself to be alone with me. Still I could feel him watching me. I could sense those deep-brown eyes cast my way whenever no one was looking. When I managed to look him in the eye, I saw the love he had for me. It hadn’t changed. Or at least that’s how it seemed. Now I only had to get myself to go talk to him. I simply couldn’t take the situation anymore. The things had to be cleared and I knew that I couldn’t let him slip away from me so easily. I needed him.
I found myself in front of Die’s apartment at one in the morning. What a time to go for a walk... I had planned to get there earlier, but I had to take a few drinks to encourage me. After that I had walked around in the park for a while, to clear my thoughts. It’s a miracle that I was still alive, considering that I had walked alone in the park in the middle of the night. Don’t they say that love makes you do silly things?
Well, anyway, I was at Die’s apartment and since I still had the spare key I used it and entered. The lights were still on in the kitchen and I headed there. Die was sitting beside the table and he looked up to me when I stood in the doorway. “Hey.” My voice sounded tiny. “Hey.” He stood up and nervously ran his fingers through his hair. I moved in and stepped closer to face him. “Die, I need to talk to you. About... you know, us.” He stared blankly at me and didn’t look like he was going to say anything so I continued: “It seems that you’ve been avoiding me awfully lot lately... and what can I say, I don’t like how the things are now.” I shrudded and decided to say all that was in my mind.
“It’s that, you know, my feelings haven’t changed... I still care for you. Hell, I still love you, you idiot. But if you just keep running away from me, eventually I’ll have to let go. I can’t keep hanging on for nothing.” My voice broke, but I had to get it all out. “If you’re ashamed of me and don’t love me or whatever, just say so now and I’ll walk away for good. But if there’s even a chance...” My voice failed me completely and I just tried to calm myself. Then I felt a pair of strong arms envelope me. “I’m sorry, Kyo. I had no right to treat you like I did. I was just so scared.” He paused for a second and lifted my head up so he could look me in the eye. “But I’ve been thinking a lot and now I think that I can face myself and the world if... just if you’re with me.” He rested his forehead against mine. “Please forgive me, Kyo.”
I wrapped my arms around him and smiled. Things couldn’t have turned out better. “Of course.” He grinned happily and that completely made my heart melt. “But Kyo, I didn’t know that you could get that emotional. And I never could have imagined that you’d confess your love like that, it’s just so un-Kyo and...”
“Die.”
“Yes?”
“Shut the fuck up and kiss me.”
Author:
fonulynRating: PG
Pairing: Kyo and Die
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do not get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: It’s Kyo’s pov. It's rather old, one of the first things I ever wrote. Somehow I still like it and thought I'd share it with you.
The smell of just made coffee filled my senses and I began to struggle in order to open my eyes. First the left one. Raise the eyelid... Good. Almost there. Now the other one. Good. Focusing my gaze… And what a view! Die was standing in the doorway, wearing only his pyjamas. He held a tray in his hands and he smiled oh-so-adorably. “Morning, Kyo-chan! I decided to make some breakfast for you.” I lifted myself to a sitting position and took the tray he was handing to me. “Thanks.” I muttered, not awake enough to hit him for calling me ‘chan’ as he sat on the bed beside me.
I managed to stuff the food into my mouth in no time. Die watched me, clearly amused. “You surely eat much for such a small guy.” I glanced at him. “Yeah, but that’s only because you cause me to have a big appetite.” I moved the tray to floor before I slammed Die lying onto the bed. “And I’m hungry still.” He smirked. “So, you want me to go get you some more bread?” “No.” I leaned down and pressed my lips on his neck. “I’m hungry for you.” “I see.” He lifted me up and gave me a smooch. I was helpless but to succumb.
After a moment I pulled back so I could just watch my beautiful guitarist for a second. He looked so utterly irresistible and all I wanted to do was to ravish him completely and forever. I never thought of myself as the sentimental type, but when I fell for Die, I fell hard. We had started... uhm... seeing each other three months ago, and now he practically spent his whole free time in my apartment. The only thing clouding my life at that moment was that as far as anyone knew, Die and I were still just friends. See, he was still very much in the closet if I may say so. I wanted to yell my joy to the whole world, but he had developed some sort of major problem with that. I agreed to keep our relationship a secret, although it meant that I wasn’t allowed to cling to him in public and stuff like that. It wasn’t easy, but what wouldn’t I do for that gorgeous guy?
I got dragged back from my thoughts when Die pinched my cheek and smirked. “I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but we have to get going. The rehearsal starts in half an hour.” Fuck. I completely had ignored the practice. “Do we really have to be there in time?” I tried to look at him as pleadingly as possible. He considered it for a while. “Mmmh, I guess that we could be a bit late this time...” I tangled my fingers in his shirt so I could pull him against me.“Great.”
A couple of days later I was sitting on the floor in our rehearsal-studio. It was still early in the morning, so I was all alone. I had spent the night there because yesterday a sudden inspiration hit me and I wanted to work the song out when I got the perfect opportunity. Some time in the night I fell asleep on the floor, but the work was nearly done. I was quite pleased with myself at that moment.
I was just grinning happily to myself when Die walked in. He seemed to be quite amused as he came to me and landed on his knees on the floor in front of me. “What’s so funny, Kyo?” I didn’t reply and just stared at him. Damn that man! He was wearing leather pants again. And with a sporty t-shirt. He has to have no sense of style at all... But why in hell does he look so hot then?
Die seemed confused. “What are you thinking?” I raised my hand to caress his cheek. “Nothing. Just that your skin looks unbelievingly soft...” He leaned into the touch and closed his eyes. “And..?” “And that your lips seem to be damn soft too.” I crawled to his lap and placed my mouth against his. He instantly parted his lips for me to enter and I used the kiss to distract him while I placed him lying back against the floor.
He opened his eyes and I looked him in the eye. It was like I could see straight through to his soul. He grinned. “Oh, and anything else?” I let my hands travel down his chest before I replied. “Then I thought that I’d get you down to the floor and fuck you mercilessly.” “Do you realize that we’re in a quite public place and anyone could walk right in on us?” I opened the button of his pants. “Oh yeah, I know. But really, that turns me on even more.” I kissed him again and he responded fiercely. Things were looking great to me. Just when I was about to get rid of his shirt we were pulled back to reality with a small giggle. Our eyes shot open and we stared briefly at each other before we turned our gaze and spotted a tall frame in the doorway.
Toshiya giggled again. “Don’t mind me guys, just continue on what you were doing.” We must’ve seemed really awkward, Die lying on the floor and I sitting on him, both blushing like hell. I felt Die tense beneath me and I rolled off of him. He stood up and tried to explain, his voice trembling. “Listen, Toshiya, this isn’t really what it seems...” I bit my lip and swallowed the words I almost were about to burst out. It hurt when Die tried to deny everything, deny me. But I saw the panic in his eyes and remained silent. This wasn’t easy for him either. Toshiya, however, didn’t buy the explanation. He just smiled happily. “Right, and pigs fly.” With that the bassist went to find his instrument.
Die blushed even more, if possible, and I tried to put my hand on his shoulder to calm him down. But he stepped away and avoided looking at me. I felt extremely rejected but I blinked the forming tears away from the corners of my eyes. I waited for the anger to boil inside of me, but it never came. Only plain sorrow. I don’t remember anything from that day’s practice. It was all too foggy. And I was so lost.
Die avoided me for nearly a week, and I let him. He surely needed some time to think. And the best I could do was to prepare myself for the possibility that he wouldn’t want to see me ever again. He had silently returned to sleep in his own apartment, he talked to me as little as possible and he never let himself to be alone with me. Still I could feel him watching me. I could sense those deep-brown eyes cast my way whenever no one was looking. When I managed to look him in the eye, I saw the love he had for me. It hadn’t changed. Or at least that’s how it seemed. Now I only had to get myself to go talk to him. I simply couldn’t take the situation anymore. The things had to be cleared and I knew that I couldn’t let him slip away from me so easily. I needed him.
I found myself in front of Die’s apartment at one in the morning. What a time to go for a walk... I had planned to get there earlier, but I had to take a few drinks to encourage me. After that I had walked around in the park for a while, to clear my thoughts. It’s a miracle that I was still alive, considering that I had walked alone in the park in the middle of the night. Don’t they say that love makes you do silly things?
Well, anyway, I was at Die’s apartment and since I still had the spare key I used it and entered. The lights were still on in the kitchen and I headed there. Die was sitting beside the table and he looked up to me when I stood in the doorway. “Hey.” My voice sounded tiny. “Hey.” He stood up and nervously ran his fingers through his hair. I moved in and stepped closer to face him. “Die, I need to talk to you. About... you know, us.” He stared blankly at me and didn’t look like he was going to say anything so I continued: “It seems that you’ve been avoiding me awfully lot lately... and what can I say, I don’t like how the things are now.” I shrudded and decided to say all that was in my mind.
“It’s that, you know, my feelings haven’t changed... I still care for you. Hell, I still love you, you idiot. But if you just keep running away from me, eventually I’ll have to let go. I can’t keep hanging on for nothing.” My voice broke, but I had to get it all out. “If you’re ashamed of me and don’t love me or whatever, just say so now and I’ll walk away for good. But if there’s even a chance...” My voice failed me completely and I just tried to calm myself. Then I felt a pair of strong arms envelope me. “I’m sorry, Kyo. I had no right to treat you like I did. I was just so scared.” He paused for a second and lifted my head up so he could look me in the eye. “But I’ve been thinking a lot and now I think that I can face myself and the world if... just if you’re with me.” He rested his forehead against mine. “Please forgive me, Kyo.”
I wrapped my arms around him and smiled. Things couldn’t have turned out better. “Of course.” He grinned happily and that completely made my heart melt. “But Kyo, I didn’t know that you could get that emotional. And I never could have imagined that you’d confess your love like that, it’s just so un-Kyo and...”
“Die.”
“Yes?”
“Shut the fuck up and kiss me.”
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Aww
Glorious end~
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