rabenhorst: (QMi happy)
rabenhorst ([personal profile] rabenhorst) wrote2011-03-20 11:11 am

[fic] Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi, Hangeng/Heechul – SJ(M) – Teach Me How – Oneshot

Title: Teach Me How
Author: [livejournal.com profile] fonulyn
Rating: PG13
Pairing: Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi, Hangeng/Heechul
Disclaimer: I own no one, only my dirty imagination.
Summary: Heechul has an amazing plan on how to spice up his lovelife. For that, he needs to recruit Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun for some help.
Comments: Uhm. I don’t speak any Chinese, so I made my Chinese friend translate all the Chinese phrases. If they say Beijing Duck or something equally random, it’s his fault and not mine, okay? I still figured he might be more reliable than Google Translate :/ I should seriously learn to say something more than “sweet and sour squirrel” in Chinese. Also, somehow whenever I write hanchul, Geng is magically missing and only appears in the end. I’m working on it.

Enjoy? :)



It was a perfectly peaceful morning. And it took only one word to shatter the silence in the whole building. “Seasoning!”

It was easy to notice Heechul had that tone in his voice. Yes, that tone. The very special I want something and you’d better not deny me or I will end you tone. He knew what he wanted and he knew he was going to get it. Simple as that.

That was nothing new, Zhou Mi had gotten used to that tone in Heechul’s voice already three weeks into knowing him. Hence he merely glanced up from the book he was reading when Heechul practically slammed through the door, grinning like the Cheshire cat. “There you are, Seasoning!”

Where else, Zhou Mi wanted to ask, it wasn’t like he spent much time elsewhere than on Kyuhyun’s bed, watching the younger man game or chatting with him or reading or… engaging in other activities together. He didn’t get the chance, though, not before Kyuhyun cut in from the floor where he was hunched with a controller, staring at the screen as he didn’t even pause his game. “Where else?”

Heechul simply waved him aside. “Beside the point.” He turned big, bright, eager eyes towards Zhou Mi, practically flopping down on the floor, on his knees, right in front of the Chinese man. “I need your help! I think my relationship could use a little bit of spicing up and I’ve been thinking of ways to impress Hannie and then I got this brilliant idea and you are exactly what I need!”

Zhou Mi’s eyes were almost comically wide as he stared at his friend like he had just lost his mind. This bit piqued even Kyuhyun’s interest and he tore away from his game, abandoning the controller on the floor as he scrambled up, tugging his jogging pants so they wouldn’t slide down too far, only exposing a slice of skin momentarily. He had furrowed his brows, almost possessively sliding an arm around Zhou Mi’s waist when he sat down next to him. “What do you need Zhou Mi for?” He sounded as suspicious as he looked. “I swear, if this is some dirty plan and I’m not included I’m going to –”

He didn’t get any further before Heechul cut him off with an impatient noise. “What are you, an idiot? I am not suggesting I’d snatch away your boyfriend for a dirty, hot threesome. Although come to think of it, it wouldn’t be such a bad idea, but I still think I can’t have Seasoning without you and…”

“Damn right you can’t!” Kyuhyun protested and it seemed like Heechul wanted to disagree, despite his earlier words, but the whole moment was broken when the person in question cut in quickly. “Heechul? Could you tell me what it is you want from me then?” Zhou Mi prodded gently with a smile, distracting Heechul from the conversation at hand. The way he placed his palm on Kyuhyun’s waist was very deliberate as well, visibly soothing the irrational flares of jealousy. Distantly Heechul noted that he had to hand it to Zhou Mi, the man was good at handling people around him. Almost as good as he was, that is. Or good in a different way.

With an exasperated sigh he rolled his eyes, struggling to get up from the floor to plop down on the bed as well. “Seasoning, you are absolutely adorable, but sometimes you are so dense I want to bash your head against a wall.” Heechul rolled his eyes, but there was clear affection laced in the words. He was ridiculously fond of the boy, that was no secret anyway.

They were still waiting and for a moment Heechul revelled in that, basked in the curiosity and knowing that he held the cards. Still, it was impossible to contain his enthusiasm as he spoke. "I want you to teach me Chinese!"




Half an hour later they were both still on the bed, Zhou Mi leaning against the wall with a notebook on his knees and Heechul lying on the mattress, his feet quite deliberately on Kyuhyun’s pillow. Not that Kyuhyun even really noticed, he had retreated back to his game with an eyeroll and muttered complaints about impossible idiots he had to deal with.

"How about I love you?" Zhou Mi suggested, tapping his cheek with the pencil he was holding. He looked absolutely adorable with his pursed lips and the thoughtful expression, and for a second Heechul considered cooing at him and pinching his cheeks, only to discard the idea as useless for now.

"I love you?” Heechul snorted, waving his hand dismissively as if that had been the worst suggestion in ages and didn’t even really qualify worthy an answer. “No, that's so boring. Anyone knows how to say that! I need something more unique. Something that’ll sweep Hankyung off his feet!" He grinned, an enthusiastic sparkle in his eyes. Zhou Mi resisted the urge to point out that there wasn’t really any need to do that, the man was a hopeless addict to begin with, but he knew Heechul would have none of his reasoning.

So he settled for trying to come up with something else.




After half an hour of futile attempts (“How about ‘Your eyes are beautiful.’? It would be a nice thing to say.” “Oh god where did you learn that mushy crap?” “Alright, how about ‘you are my destiny’?” “Eww.”) later, Zhou Mi was close to giving up, or alternately stabbing his pencil into Heechul’s eye.

It didn’t exactly help that Heechul was convinced Chinese was a language way beyond his grasp, something that he would never ever be able to learn. More than the obligatory ‘I love you’ that anyone could say, he added after one of his long rants about how Chinese is the stupidest language of all stupid languages. He was still determined to put his plan into action. He just didn’t accept any of the suggested lines to learn, or didn’t manage to pronounce them correctly.

Heechul was beginning to be as frustrated as his Chinese instructor, rolling on his back to look up at the ceiling. "Why is this all so difficult!” He whined theatrically, kicking Kyuhyun’s pillow down from the bed. It was the pillow’s fault, he was certain. Besides, it made him feel better, kind of. “Kyuhyun, tell me something easy." He rolled back over, staring at the younger man intently.

Kyuhyun was still sitting in front of the TV, the controller in hand and he didn’t even avert his eyes of the battle he was currently winning. "Gun kai. Si qu ba." He answered easily, releasing a small victory cry right after. “Jing la!

"Oh that's easy. I could learn it." Heechul mused, but it only took a second for him to be distracted by the look on Zhou Mi’s face. He looked absolutely scandalized, staring at Kyuhyun from huge, disapproving eyes.

"Kyuhyun! Who taught you that!?" He demanded loudly, but there was no response from the floor, if one didn’t count the dismissive snort.

That piqued Heechul’s interest and he arched one of his perfectly plucked eyebrows questioningly. "Why? What?"

Zhou Mi looked somewhat embarrassed, still frowning at his darling boyfriend as he sent a dirty look his way. "Well basically he just told you to… fuck off and kill yourself." He explained, inching backwards as if he knew what would follow right after.

Kyuhyun could barely dodge the book that was thrown at him, along with some screeched curses and insults.

Two minutes later Heechul decided that it was actually useful to know that in Chinese, too. He even thanked Kyuhyun for it with a theatrical “you’re not always completely useless, after all!” But Kyuhyun knew him well enough to take it the right way.

The next quarter of an hour they spent repeating the words again and again until Heechul was confident enough he would remember them.




Zhou Mi had nearly endless patience. Kyuhyun would know, he had gotten private Chinese lessons (yes, sometimes they actually did study Chinese, even if most of the time they got distracted by other things) often enough to be well acquainted with the teacher side of Zhou Mi. He could repeat the same thing over and over again, never got annoyed by incompetent and bitchy students. At least, until Heechul came along.

“I give up! You’re not accepting anything I suggest!” Zhou Mi practically shot up from the bed, throwing his notepad down on the floor and the pen somewhere across the room without looking. He didn’t exactly look enraged or even really angry, but he was clearly frustrated and his cheeks were flushed from the slight agitation. A good look on him, Kyuhyun noted distantly, having stored away his game a while back. These two and their lesson were much more entertaining anyway.

“It’s because you only suggest sugary sweet mushy crap!” Heechul protested, and to be fair he had a point. Most of Zhou Mi’s suggestions had been like ripped straight from romantic teen-comedies or other sickeningly sweet movies he liked to watch from time to time. Not that Heechul didn’t enjoy the movies occasionally, he just didn’t exactly want to live one. Or make Hangeng laugh at him for using such lines. He huffed, lifting his chin challengingly to look at his teacher. “Seriously, is that how you got Kyuhyun spread his legs for you?”

“I did not!” Zhou Mi looked almost as scandalized as a moment before. He even had the decency to blush lightly – also a good look on him as Kyuhyun noted silently from his spectator’s spot on the floor. “Sugary sweet mushy crap is romantic, Chul! You should try it sometime.” Zhou Mi went on, rolling his eyes to demonstrate just how impossible his friend was.

“Romantic?” Heechul arched an eyebrow, turning to look at Kyuhyun questioningly. He knew that the younger man wasn’t exactly keen on sugary confessions of love. At least hadn’t been before that whirlwind of a Chinese fashion-addict had turned his lovelife upside down.

Right now, Kyuhyun just shrugged. “You get used to it.” He tried to aim for nonchalance, but the slow smile on his lips gave him away easily. Heechul rolled his eyes.




Other small tantrums and some reconciliation later, Zhou Mi was sitting on the bed again, having even retrieved his notepad and a new pen to show his good will. Kyuhyun was now sitting right beside the bed, his arms folded on the edge of the mattress and his chin resting on them. They were just close enough for Zhou Mi to brush over Kyuhyun’s hair absent-mindedly every now and then, for Kyuhyun to trace the seam of Zhou Mi’s trousers with his index finger. And other sickeningly sweet little gestures that Heechul found quite adorable, actually.

Kyuhyun had taken it upon himself to help the two with the language lessons, and although his suggestions had been more or less crap too (“You are more addictive than Tetris!” “…that sucks.” “I know.”) he was beginning to get the hang of it. At least, getting more towards the Heechul-approved lines.

They had been silent for a good moment, thinking of the next suggestion, when Kyuhyun suddenly broke into a line of Mandarin in a deep, almost seductive voice. "Geng yong li de gan wo." He purred, and although Heechul had no idea what it meant, he could already now throw a guess into the right direction.

Especially given by the way Zhou Mi blushed so deep it looked like his head would explode any second. "Oh... I didn't think you remembered that." He stuttered lowly, avoiding both Kyuhyun’s and Heechul’s eyes in favour of scribbling random patterns on his notebook.

Kyuhyun’s smirk was priceless, and he took the conscious effort to heave himself up from the floor and on the bed, only to lean closer to his still blushing boyfriend. He sneaked an arm around Zhou Mi’s waist, bringing his lips right next to his ear. "Of course I remember it when you moan it for me. Shui ru jiao rong." If Heechul’s eyes didn’t fail him, Kyuhyun’s hand was sneaking underneath Zhou Mi’s shirt already.

Zhou Mi shuddered, his eyes falling shut on their own and his lips slightly parted to let a gasp of air through. If nothing else, that at least got Heechul curious and his eyes were sparkling with enthusiasm as he bounced a little on his place. "What is it? C’mon, tell me!"

Kyuhyun smirked and rested his chin on Zhou Mi’s shoulder, obviously not intending on providing the translation. It took a moment of incoherent mumbling from the Chinese man, but finally he cleared his throat and looked up at Heechul. "Something along the lines of 'fuck me hard and make me yours'." He admitted, his blush deepening.

“Seasoning,” Heechul grinned, gesturing towards the notepad. “Write that down for me. Right now. We’ve found our winner.”




Kyuhyun’s suggestion turned out to be full of win. Heechul decided he had a new Chinese teacher and appeared for regular lessons much to Zhou Mi’s dismay and embarrassment. Especially when the lessons turned into show-and-tells of their sexlives more often than language practices.

Heechul learned a whole lot of practical Chinese. If practical Chinese meant the same as bedroom Chinese. And judging by the bottle of expensive champagne Hangeng bought for Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun, he wasn’t exactly against that progress.

Besides, Zhou Mi got a whole lot more willing to teach the new phrases when Kyuhyun promised they could always first practice them together in private, just the two of them.



---
2276 words.

I know Zhou Mi probably isn’t that easy to embarrass, but he was otherwise distracted too. And Kyuhyun is a brat. That’s my excuse 8D

Now I’ll go back to the longer writing project that will be the end of me one of these days.


Feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Plus, the archive.

[identity profile] imxaxreader.livejournal.com 2011-03-20 12:35 pm (UTC)(link)
HOMG, TOO STUBBORN WAYLT. >:\ ahfashfjsd is this one of those an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth cases because i feel like it is. >.< but but but you should go write angst if you feel like it!

[identity profile] fonulyn.livejournal.com 2011-03-20 12:37 pm (UTC)(link)
I TOLD YOU I AM >:/ I don't think I will, I think I'll write some sugary sweet mushy fluff to counter-attack the angst XD ...though I'm listening to 7 Years of Love again and it makes me cry ;____;

[identity profile] imxaxreader.livejournal.com 2011-03-20 12:47 pm (UTC)(link)
YES, WHICH IS PROLLY WHY I SHOULDN'T HAVE EXPECTED ANYTHING ELSE. >:/ lol waylt you seem to change your mind every other minute otl. but but but sugary sweet mushy fluff can always counter-attack horrible depressing all levels of crappiness angst! jahfjshfks i swear if i'm to listen to that song again, i'll be so tempted to write tear-inducing stuff. >.<

P.S THE BLOND!KYU ICON IS KILLING ME. I SO LOVE HIM WITH THAT HAIRSTYLE. /flails

[identity profile] fonulyn.livejournal.com 2011-03-20 12:51 pm (UTC)(link)
*laughs* That's how I am! XD I change my mind every other second and I can't decide on what to do x) I have the song on repeat for like half an hour now.

I LOVE THAT HAIR. I DO.

[identity profile] imxaxreader.livejournal.com 2011-03-20 01:03 pm (UTC)(link)
lol but you know ilu even if you're the spazziest qmi fangirl on earth, so i don't really mind you being like that. XDD how do you still exist after listening to that lovely song on repeat. you aren't crying now, are you? |:

THERE IS SOMETHING LOVABLE ABOUT BLOND!KYU. AND THAT HAIR SUITS HIM IN THEIR DON'T DON ERA SO WELL. <33

[identity profile] fonulyn.livejournal.com 2011-03-20 01:14 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm glad you don't mind XD My attention span is the one of a goldfish, thirty seconds. It's a miracle I ever finish anything. ...just a little bit ;___;

IT DOEEESSS~ I admit I think I prefer the dark hair but the blond style has a special place in my heart ♥

[identity profile] imxaxreader.livejournal.com 2011-03-20 01:36 pm (UTC)(link)
lol, i really don't. =))))))) orz that's also prolly one of the reasons why you have like 7458927429 unfinished fics because you can't seem to stay fixed in just one. XDD not that i mind, really. MORE QMI FICS FOR US! :3

oh well, kyu will look absolutely gorgeous with just about any hairstyle i guess. ♥