rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2011-02-06 05:43 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2011-02-06 05:43 pm
Entry tags:
[fic] Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi – SJM – Believe – Oneshot
Title: Believe
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fonulyn
Rating: PG13 (some bad language)
Pairing: Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi
Disclaimer: I own no one, only my dirty imagination.
Summary: Not all things can be explained with logic. Not everything makes sense. Yet in the end Kyuhyun finds that even the inexplicable somehow turns out perfectly clear.
Comments: I officially suck at summaries, so ignore the epic fail there and read the fic anyway XD It’s slight angst and slight fluff and lame attempts of humor and…something in the middle, I don’t know. I wrote it kind of haphazardly, the first scene I wrote was actually the fourth one in the fic and then I worked my way to the beginning, and then from the middle to the end. …which isn’t anything new, I always do it. And this babble makes no sense. ANYWAY. Read and enjoy? 8D
As much as Kyuhyun believes in logic, in things happening for a reason, it doesn’t mean he is omniscient and knows everything. Of course, he would love to. But no, unfortunately sometimes he is left completely clueless. Sometimes, he thinks, he just can’t see the reason and can’t find it no matter how much he tries. He always had faith, and maybe that is one reason why. He needed some kind of a folder for the inexplicable.
Something Kyuhyun can not explain with logic is why suddenly, against all expectations, he starts to develop addictions – addiction is a strong word but he figures it’s the best to describe the situation anyway – to things he never thought he’d notice. Of course he always knew Zhou Mi was attractive. And tall, that was pretty obvious too from the start. He just never thought that the man would become the center of his daydreams.
Granted, he has always liked a pair of nice legs. It isn’t even a secret, he has said it in an interview (naturally complimenting the interviewer’s pretty set of legs, and he can’t even remember her face anymore) but he never thought he would set his eyes on legs like these. Long, long, long, neverending legs that always somehow make him think of The Naked Gun 33 ⅓: The Final Insult and how the camera scans the female lead’s legs over and over again to make them seem miles long. Except that these legs just are that long by nature.
And it bothers him that suddenly the thought of a friggin’ Naked Gun –movie does such a good job turning him on.
Kyuhyun tries to ignore it, at first. But it only takes him a few days and he’s back staring at Zhou Mi’s legs and imagining how it would feel to run his lips along them, scrape his teeth over the kneecap, get the whole three miles of them around his hips…
Yep, he’s a goner. A goner with a boner. As much as the lame wordplay his tired mind produces makes him laugh, he has to admit that it’s true, too, with growing frequency.
Okay maybe it isn’t such a big mystery how he began to fall. Actually, it is quite easy to explain. There are better examples of things he finds perplexing, though.
For example, there is one thing he really can not understand, no matter how much he tries to wrap his mind around it. How could someone ever hate a person like Zhou Mi? Where do all those messages come from, how can so much cruelty exist in the minds of teenaged girls? He likes to think he’s not the most naïve one of the bunch and still he can’t come up with a decent explanation for that.
Logic? There is none. And Kyuhyun begins to find violent tendencies from his own up-until-now peace loving nature. It’s not the first time he imagines digging someone’s eyes out with a spoon.
If there is something Kyuhyun hates, it is feeling helpless.
Helpless is exactly what he feels right now. Zhou Mi is lying on his bed, back turned to the room and facing the wall in front of him. He could be sleeping, judging by the way the blanket is tugged over him, under his long arms. He isn’t. Sleeping, that is. Kyuhyun can see it in the tension in those shoulders, in the slight change in the posture. He knows he’s been noticed and that is confirmed a silent moment later when a soft voice breaks the silence.
“They hate me, don’t they?”
It’s not a real question, more a statement, and maybe that is the reason it feels like it’s breaking Kyuhyun’s heart. There is suppressed desperation to that tone, forced calmness and pain badly masked as amusement. He doesn’t know what to do, but somehow it feels natural to sit down on the edge of the bed. Before he even notices, he has reached out his hand, giving the other man’s thin arm a reassuring squeeze.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Again, Kyuhyun has no idea why he is moving. It feels like the most natural thing in the world to lie down on the mattress, above the covers, and carefully sneak one arm around the taller man’s waist. He holds his breath as Zhou Mi tenses for a second, only to then release all air from his lungs when he relaxes against him.
Besides, I don’t. Hate you, that is. He thinks but never voices out loud.
They just don’t know what they’re missing.
Kyuhyun’s ever growing list of things he can not understand gets a new addition when they somehow end up watching a romantic comedy, together with the whole SJM. Who picked the movie, no one knows, and although none of them wants to admit it, they secretly even enjoy watching it. They’re all more or less sprawled around the room, some on the couch and some on the floor, picking on their takeout.
Usually Kyuhyun hates sitting on the floor but right here, right now, he finds himself enjoying the way he can tilt his head to the side and rest it against Zhou Mi’s knee. He enjoys the way the other man reaches out, idly brushing his fingers through his hair. There is a certain familiarity to the moment and maybe it’s the romantic movie, maybe it’s the tiredness, but Kyuhyun feels uncharacteristically emotional.
Afterwards, one by one they excuse themselves and retreat to bed, aching for a few hours of sleep. Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi are the last ones there, as somehow neither of them wants to move. Kyuhyun’s legs are numb from sitting on the floor awkwardly, but his head is still resting on the other man’s knee and he really, really doesn’t want to move.
He doesn’t even realize he’s speaking before the words somehow make their way out of his mouth. “Don’t tell anyone I said this, but I almost got a bit teary when the couple got each other and true love took the clichéd victory.”
The words make Zhou Mi laugh, his voice dancing in the air softly, pitched low not to disturb the moment. He reaches out, again brushing his fingers against Kyuhyun’s temple, his fingers warm and the touch lingering a little longer than necessary. “Me too.” He pauses for a moment, long enough to make it seem he’s finished but then he speaks up again. “Too bad it doesn’t happen in real life.”
Kyuhyun still doesn’t want to move but he startles a bit, pulling back so he can look up at the other man. “What?” He knows his question is far from eloquent but honestly, if there is one person in the world he would’ve thought to believe in fairytale romances, it would be Zhou Mi. “Why do you say that?” He elaborates further, trying to prod an answer out of the Chinese.
If his perception doesn’t fail him, Zhou Mi looks just a little uncomfortable at that. He gives a one-shouldered shrug, pointedly avoiding Kyuhyun’s gaze and instead looks down at his fingers. "It just doesn’t. We don’t all get what we want. And I just don't see what good it would do to believe in fairy tales."
When he finally looks up, there is none of that nervousness visible anymore. It feels more than weird to see something like this. Zhou Mi, the very definition of sunshine and happiness, looking so ...cold. Emotionless, even. Like he has given up on something, although Kyuhyun doesn’t know what that something could be. He doesn’t like it, in any case. Zhou Mi isn’t supposed to give up, on anything. He is supposed to be the stubborn one, to the point of being extremely annoying.
"Shall we?" Kyuhyun doesn’t even realize he hasn’t said anything before Zhou Mi breaks the silence again and reaches out his hand, offering to help him off the floor. He is smiling, but that smile isn’t quite the same caliber as his usual ones, it doesn’t even really reach his eyes.
Automatically Kyuhyun takes his hand, his mind still refusing to co-operate.
That is not the last time Zhou Mi surprises Kyuhyun with something similar. In fact, he begins to surprise them all with short comments that seem somehow out of place. After he declines dinner and retreats from the room quickly, leaving everyone else staring after him, Kyuhyun can no longer hold back.
“What is happening to Zhou Mi?” He knows he looks confused, his eyes wide, gaping after the tall figure that just disappeared. None of the others seems to be any better, though, the same confusion reflecting on each their faces. The fact Zhou Mi didn’t want dinner isn’t that big of a deal, it happened sometimes to all of them. It was the way he had said it, completely devoid of any emotion or politeness, just flat.
That was scary.
No one knows what to say, but finally Donghae ventures further, giving a small shrug. “Well, he’s just been in a funk lately.” He tries his best but he had no explanation for it either. It’s hard to come up with something completely out of nothing.
“Funk?” Kyuhyun snorts. “You call it a funk when he gets all emotionless and dark?” Hell, they all knew that this man was supposed to be all sorts of happy and friendly.
“…well. Yeah.” Donghae shrugs again, but they all know the answer doesn’t really cut it.
Legs.
Kyuhyun decides he will go back to legs. Thinking of all this weird angst and bitchy people around him only gives him a headache anyway. He can as well try to ease it a bit by enjoying the sight of nice, long legs. There are plenty of chances to do that on set: filming their new music video ensures that there are people everywhere, from stylists to random hired hands. Dozens of pairs of legs.
He tries to focus on work, too, and look through his own performance to see if it needs something. It’s no surprise to him when his eyes drift off the monitor and instead he’s focusing on the pair of legs right across the room, crossed nonchalantly in a way that seems almost too innocent. He follows those legs up, higher and higher and higher – and damnit will they never end? – until he reaches hips, chest, shoulders, and finally the familiar features.
There is a slight frown on Zhou Mi’s lips and a barely noticeable wrinkle between his eyes. A wrinkle that clearly doesn’t come from focusing on something, and that should never be there in the first place. Kyuhyun decides he has to do something about that. Now. Before it gets any worse.
He is not going to watch the other man slip further down that line.
He is not going to lose that smile.
No matter what.
There aren’t many opportunities to talk to Zhou Mi that day and Kyuhyun has to grudgingly delay his plans. He is determined, though, and he doesn’t let it drag on too long. It’s the third day after the shooting when he waits for the evening, for everyone to be asleep, before he sneaks into the room Zhou Mi is uncharacteristically occupying alone. He notices the other man on the bed, under the covers and his back facing him, and instantly another moment from the past flashes through his mind.
It’s now or never. He knows he’s flirted with Zhou Mi enough times that it won’t come completely as a surprise if he offers a hug or a cuddle. He just hopes this all works out the way he planned it. His heart is beating like a drum, thudding against his ribs from the inside as he sits down on the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight. There is a small shift that shows Zhou Mi is awake, and aware of the presence right next to him. He probably recognized Kyuhyun when he walked in through that door.
Hesitantly, he reaches out and runs his fingers along the blankets, along the whole length of those insane legs, until he reaches a sheet-covered hip. He lets his hand rest there, unmoving for a moment, before he rubs on a sharp hipbone with his thumb.
“You do know you can always talk to me about everything, right?” He prods gently. His voice sounds almost too loud in the silent room, the darkness lingering around them like a cloud, obscuring everything and making the moment feel almost unreal. Maybe that’s why his heart begins to settle, why he isn’t that nervous anymore and why he suddenly knows they will get through this, somehow.
Zhou Mi shifts a bit, sits up and turns until he can look straight at the other man. He gives a small, weak smile. “I know.” Somehow in the darkness he looks even more pale than usual, his eyes shimmering in such dark tone that it’s impossible to read what is going on there. All Kyuhyun wants to do is to reach out and brush his fingers across a smooth cheek but he holds back, his fingernails digging into his palm.
“Then why don’t you?” He can’t keep the slight tinge of accusation away from his voice, no matter how much he tries. They’re friends. He has cried against Zhou Mi’s shoulder, damnit, and he never cries in front of anyone. He has held Zhou Mi while he was crying, even if he didn’t always know the reason for it, and he feels that should count for something.
“I… it’s just… I don’t.” A helpless shrug. It’s everything Zhou Mi can offer right now and he looks down again, fiddling with his long fingers almost nervously.
Kyuhyun doesn’t even realize he is speaking before he spits the words out, like bullets. “Stop that.” His voice is so harsh they both flinch but he manages to cover it faster, bounces back quicker. “Stop overanalyzing things. Stop beating yourself up for something that is not your fault.” He knows he is treading on thin ice, only hoping his assumptions are correct. By the look of things he is right, something flashing in Zhou Mi’s eyes.
His voice is quieter, almost a mere breath as he continues but Zhou Mi is still sitting there like frozen and he knows he will hear every word. “And d-don’t,” his voice breaks and he swallows hastily, averting his gaze as he goes on. “Don’t push me away.” Again his heart is hammering so hard it feels like it’s all the way in his throat.
It’s his turn to startle as a pair of long arms is wrapped around his waist, a cold nose pressed in his neck. He can both feel and hear the sob that shakes the thin form against his, and there is really nothing else he can do but cradle him in a warm embrace.
“I’m sorry.” Zhou Mi’s voice is silent, just a sniffle, but already in that short apology Kyuhyun can hear so much honesty.
“Don’t be.”
Okay maybe things don’t magically solve themselves instantly right after that. Maybe they don’t wake up with all of their worries washed away. But when Kyuhyun wakes up and Zhou Mi is still clinging on to him, he has a definite feeling that they’re on their way. He doesn’t even mind that his shoulder hurts from being in the same position for the whole night. Or would hurt if he could still feel it.
And he is right. Things start to get better. The mood gradually begins to shift. Day by day, moment by moment.
Afterwards he couldn’t have pinpointed the moment it happened but one day, standing there while his make up is being finished, he realizes that he is happy.
Zhou Mi looks at him across the room, smiling, and he knows what he sees in those eyes is exactly what he feels himself.
This is how Kyuhyun always wants to wake up. Skin on skin, lazy breaths on his neck. Long arms around him, fingers idly tracing his collarbone, travelling down his chest. A softly murmured ‘good morning’ against his jaw as he tilts his head to capture those lips in a soft kiss. Ridiculously long legs tangled with his own, trying to get as close as humanly possible.
This is how it’s supposed to be.
He didn’t know when that had happened, either. When it had changed from Kyuhyun-drooling-after-long-legs-secretly to long-legs-wrapped-around-Kyuhyun’s-hips. But goddamnit, he wasn’t going to complain. Not as long as he could have this. He told himself again and again he wasn’t sappy, he wasn’t romantic, it was just natural that he enjoyed moments naked in bed with his boyfriend. In reality?
He knew he had already fallen helplessly, long ago.
At first they had always messed up both beds, trying to cover the fact that only one of them was ever slept in. Until one morning Siwon, of all people, told them they didn’t need to bother, everyone knew anyway. Kyuhyun thought that was for the best.
Especially when he crawls into bed right next to Zhou Mi, underneath the same blanket and snuggles up close, ignoring that the other man tries to focus on reading. He presses his lips against Zhou Mi’s neck, blowing on the smooth skin until the other man is squirming and laughing, trying to push him away. He only stops when the book lies discarded somewhere next to them, their chests heaving along with ragged breaths and barely controlled laughter.
Kyuhyun stops, raising his head to look straight into those dark eyes gazing back at his own. He smiles and reaches out, brushes his fingers over the other man’s cheek. “You do know that I will always be there, right?”
The smile he gets in return is a real Zhou Mi smile. One that reaches all the way up to his eyes, makes his nose crinkle and even offers a flash of white teeth. One that lightens up the whole world and in the distance, Kyuhyun can hear harps and violins and other ridiculous crap people say they hear when they’re in love. Ridiculous or not, it’s there.
Maybe he doesn’t always need to know the reason why he acts. The only thing that matters is that he does.
He doesn’t need to know why, as long as he believes. As long as he feels. As long as he loves.
It might be difficult to always believe. But he knows he will always believe in this.
Believe in them.
---
One third of this I wrote when I was sick, one third when I was slightly hungover and I guess the remaining third kind of makes sense XD I hope you enjoyed anyway ♥
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Author:
fonulynRating: PG13 (some bad language)
Pairing: Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi
Disclaimer: I own no one, only my dirty imagination.
Summary: Not all things can be explained with logic. Not everything makes sense. Yet in the end Kyuhyun finds that even the inexplicable somehow turns out perfectly clear.
Comments: I officially suck at summaries, so ignore the epic fail there and read the fic anyway XD It’s slight angst and slight fluff and lame attempts of humor and…something in the middle, I don’t know. I wrote it kind of haphazardly, the first scene I wrote was actually the fourth one in the fic and then I worked my way to the beginning, and then from the middle to the end. …which isn’t anything new, I always do it. And this babble makes no sense. ANYWAY. Read and enjoy? 8D
As much as Kyuhyun believes in logic, in things happening for a reason, it doesn’t mean he is omniscient and knows everything. Of course, he would love to. But no, unfortunately sometimes he is left completely clueless. Sometimes, he thinks, he just can’t see the reason and can’t find it no matter how much he tries. He always had faith, and maybe that is one reason why. He needed some kind of a folder for the inexplicable.
Something Kyuhyun can not explain with logic is why suddenly, against all expectations, he starts to develop addictions – addiction is a strong word but he figures it’s the best to describe the situation anyway – to things he never thought he’d notice. Of course he always knew Zhou Mi was attractive. And tall, that was pretty obvious too from the start. He just never thought that the man would become the center of his daydreams.
Granted, he has always liked a pair of nice legs. It isn’t even a secret, he has said it in an interview (naturally complimenting the interviewer’s pretty set of legs, and he can’t even remember her face anymore) but he never thought he would set his eyes on legs like these. Long, long, long, neverending legs that always somehow make him think of The Naked Gun 33 ⅓: The Final Insult and how the camera scans the female lead’s legs over and over again to make them seem miles long. Except that these legs just are that long by nature.
And it bothers him that suddenly the thought of a friggin’ Naked Gun –movie does such a good job turning him on.
Kyuhyun tries to ignore it, at first. But it only takes him a few days and he’s back staring at Zhou Mi’s legs and imagining how it would feel to run his lips along them, scrape his teeth over the kneecap, get the whole three miles of them around his hips…
Yep, he’s a goner. A goner with a boner. As much as the lame wordplay his tired mind produces makes him laugh, he has to admit that it’s true, too, with growing frequency.
Okay maybe it isn’t such a big mystery how he began to fall. Actually, it is quite easy to explain. There are better examples of things he finds perplexing, though.
For example, there is one thing he really can not understand, no matter how much he tries to wrap his mind around it. How could someone ever hate a person like Zhou Mi? Where do all those messages come from, how can so much cruelty exist in the minds of teenaged girls? He likes to think he’s not the most naïve one of the bunch and still he can’t come up with a decent explanation for that.
Logic? There is none. And Kyuhyun begins to find violent tendencies from his own up-until-now peace loving nature. It’s not the first time he imagines digging someone’s eyes out with a spoon.
If there is something Kyuhyun hates, it is feeling helpless.
Helpless is exactly what he feels right now. Zhou Mi is lying on his bed, back turned to the room and facing the wall in front of him. He could be sleeping, judging by the way the blanket is tugged over him, under his long arms. He isn’t. Sleeping, that is. Kyuhyun can see it in the tension in those shoulders, in the slight change in the posture. He knows he’s been noticed and that is confirmed a silent moment later when a soft voice breaks the silence.
“They hate me, don’t they?”
It’s not a real question, more a statement, and maybe that is the reason it feels like it’s breaking Kyuhyun’s heart. There is suppressed desperation to that tone, forced calmness and pain badly masked as amusement. He doesn’t know what to do, but somehow it feels natural to sit down on the edge of the bed. Before he even notices, he has reached out his hand, giving the other man’s thin arm a reassuring squeeze.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Again, Kyuhyun has no idea why he is moving. It feels like the most natural thing in the world to lie down on the mattress, above the covers, and carefully sneak one arm around the taller man’s waist. He holds his breath as Zhou Mi tenses for a second, only to then release all air from his lungs when he relaxes against him.
Besides, I don’t. Hate you, that is. He thinks but never voices out loud.
They just don’t know what they’re missing.
Kyuhyun’s ever growing list of things he can not understand gets a new addition when they somehow end up watching a romantic comedy, together with the whole SJM. Who picked the movie, no one knows, and although none of them wants to admit it, they secretly even enjoy watching it. They’re all more or less sprawled around the room, some on the couch and some on the floor, picking on their takeout.
Usually Kyuhyun hates sitting on the floor but right here, right now, he finds himself enjoying the way he can tilt his head to the side and rest it against Zhou Mi’s knee. He enjoys the way the other man reaches out, idly brushing his fingers through his hair. There is a certain familiarity to the moment and maybe it’s the romantic movie, maybe it’s the tiredness, but Kyuhyun feels uncharacteristically emotional.
Afterwards, one by one they excuse themselves and retreat to bed, aching for a few hours of sleep. Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi are the last ones there, as somehow neither of them wants to move. Kyuhyun’s legs are numb from sitting on the floor awkwardly, but his head is still resting on the other man’s knee and he really, really doesn’t want to move.
He doesn’t even realize he’s speaking before the words somehow make their way out of his mouth. “Don’t tell anyone I said this, but I almost got a bit teary when the couple got each other and true love took the clichéd victory.”
The words make Zhou Mi laugh, his voice dancing in the air softly, pitched low not to disturb the moment. He reaches out, again brushing his fingers against Kyuhyun’s temple, his fingers warm and the touch lingering a little longer than necessary. “Me too.” He pauses for a moment, long enough to make it seem he’s finished but then he speaks up again. “Too bad it doesn’t happen in real life.”
Kyuhyun still doesn’t want to move but he startles a bit, pulling back so he can look up at the other man. “What?” He knows his question is far from eloquent but honestly, if there is one person in the world he would’ve thought to believe in fairytale romances, it would be Zhou Mi. “Why do you say that?” He elaborates further, trying to prod an answer out of the Chinese.
If his perception doesn’t fail him, Zhou Mi looks just a little uncomfortable at that. He gives a one-shouldered shrug, pointedly avoiding Kyuhyun’s gaze and instead looks down at his fingers. "It just doesn’t. We don’t all get what we want. And I just don't see what good it would do to believe in fairy tales."
When he finally looks up, there is none of that nervousness visible anymore. It feels more than weird to see something like this. Zhou Mi, the very definition of sunshine and happiness, looking so ...cold. Emotionless, even. Like he has given up on something, although Kyuhyun doesn’t know what that something could be. He doesn’t like it, in any case. Zhou Mi isn’t supposed to give up, on anything. He is supposed to be the stubborn one, to the point of being extremely annoying.
"Shall we?" Kyuhyun doesn’t even realize he hasn’t said anything before Zhou Mi breaks the silence again and reaches out his hand, offering to help him off the floor. He is smiling, but that smile isn’t quite the same caliber as his usual ones, it doesn’t even really reach his eyes.
Automatically Kyuhyun takes his hand, his mind still refusing to co-operate.
That is not the last time Zhou Mi surprises Kyuhyun with something similar. In fact, he begins to surprise them all with short comments that seem somehow out of place. After he declines dinner and retreats from the room quickly, leaving everyone else staring after him, Kyuhyun can no longer hold back.
“What is happening to Zhou Mi?” He knows he looks confused, his eyes wide, gaping after the tall figure that just disappeared. None of the others seems to be any better, though, the same confusion reflecting on each their faces. The fact Zhou Mi didn’t want dinner isn’t that big of a deal, it happened sometimes to all of them. It was the way he had said it, completely devoid of any emotion or politeness, just flat.
That was scary.
No one knows what to say, but finally Donghae ventures further, giving a small shrug. “Well, he’s just been in a funk lately.” He tries his best but he had no explanation for it either. It’s hard to come up with something completely out of nothing.
“Funk?” Kyuhyun snorts. “You call it a funk when he gets all emotionless and dark?” Hell, they all knew that this man was supposed to be all sorts of happy and friendly.
“…well. Yeah.” Donghae shrugs again, but they all know the answer doesn’t really cut it.
Legs.
Kyuhyun decides he will go back to legs. Thinking of all this weird angst and bitchy people around him only gives him a headache anyway. He can as well try to ease it a bit by enjoying the sight of nice, long legs. There are plenty of chances to do that on set: filming their new music video ensures that there are people everywhere, from stylists to random hired hands. Dozens of pairs of legs.
He tries to focus on work, too, and look through his own performance to see if it needs something. It’s no surprise to him when his eyes drift off the monitor and instead he’s focusing on the pair of legs right across the room, crossed nonchalantly in a way that seems almost too innocent. He follows those legs up, higher and higher and higher – and damnit will they never end? – until he reaches hips, chest, shoulders, and finally the familiar features.
There is a slight frown on Zhou Mi’s lips and a barely noticeable wrinkle between his eyes. A wrinkle that clearly doesn’t come from focusing on something, and that should never be there in the first place. Kyuhyun decides he has to do something about that. Now. Before it gets any worse.
He is not going to watch the other man slip further down that line.
He is not going to lose that smile.
No matter what.
There aren’t many opportunities to talk to Zhou Mi that day and Kyuhyun has to grudgingly delay his plans. He is determined, though, and he doesn’t let it drag on too long. It’s the third day after the shooting when he waits for the evening, for everyone to be asleep, before he sneaks into the room Zhou Mi is uncharacteristically occupying alone. He notices the other man on the bed, under the covers and his back facing him, and instantly another moment from the past flashes through his mind.
It’s now or never. He knows he’s flirted with Zhou Mi enough times that it won’t come completely as a surprise if he offers a hug or a cuddle. He just hopes this all works out the way he planned it. His heart is beating like a drum, thudding against his ribs from the inside as he sits down on the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight. There is a small shift that shows Zhou Mi is awake, and aware of the presence right next to him. He probably recognized Kyuhyun when he walked in through that door.
Hesitantly, he reaches out and runs his fingers along the blankets, along the whole length of those insane legs, until he reaches a sheet-covered hip. He lets his hand rest there, unmoving for a moment, before he rubs on a sharp hipbone with his thumb.
“You do know you can always talk to me about everything, right?” He prods gently. His voice sounds almost too loud in the silent room, the darkness lingering around them like a cloud, obscuring everything and making the moment feel almost unreal. Maybe that’s why his heart begins to settle, why he isn’t that nervous anymore and why he suddenly knows they will get through this, somehow.
Zhou Mi shifts a bit, sits up and turns until he can look straight at the other man. He gives a small, weak smile. “I know.” Somehow in the darkness he looks even more pale than usual, his eyes shimmering in such dark tone that it’s impossible to read what is going on there. All Kyuhyun wants to do is to reach out and brush his fingers across a smooth cheek but he holds back, his fingernails digging into his palm.
“Then why don’t you?” He can’t keep the slight tinge of accusation away from his voice, no matter how much he tries. They’re friends. He has cried against Zhou Mi’s shoulder, damnit, and he never cries in front of anyone. He has held Zhou Mi while he was crying, even if he didn’t always know the reason for it, and he feels that should count for something.
“I… it’s just… I don’t.” A helpless shrug. It’s everything Zhou Mi can offer right now and he looks down again, fiddling with his long fingers almost nervously.
Kyuhyun doesn’t even realize he is speaking before he spits the words out, like bullets. “Stop that.” His voice is so harsh they both flinch but he manages to cover it faster, bounces back quicker. “Stop overanalyzing things. Stop beating yourself up for something that is not your fault.” He knows he is treading on thin ice, only hoping his assumptions are correct. By the look of things he is right, something flashing in Zhou Mi’s eyes.
His voice is quieter, almost a mere breath as he continues but Zhou Mi is still sitting there like frozen and he knows he will hear every word. “And d-don’t,” his voice breaks and he swallows hastily, averting his gaze as he goes on. “Don’t push me away.” Again his heart is hammering so hard it feels like it’s all the way in his throat.
It’s his turn to startle as a pair of long arms is wrapped around his waist, a cold nose pressed in his neck. He can both feel and hear the sob that shakes the thin form against his, and there is really nothing else he can do but cradle him in a warm embrace.
“I’m sorry.” Zhou Mi’s voice is silent, just a sniffle, but already in that short apology Kyuhyun can hear so much honesty.
“Don’t be.”
Okay maybe things don’t magically solve themselves instantly right after that. Maybe they don’t wake up with all of their worries washed away. But when Kyuhyun wakes up and Zhou Mi is still clinging on to him, he has a definite feeling that they’re on their way. He doesn’t even mind that his shoulder hurts from being in the same position for the whole night. Or would hurt if he could still feel it.
And he is right. Things start to get better. The mood gradually begins to shift. Day by day, moment by moment.
Afterwards he couldn’t have pinpointed the moment it happened but one day, standing there while his make up is being finished, he realizes that he is happy.
Zhou Mi looks at him across the room, smiling, and he knows what he sees in those eyes is exactly what he feels himself.
This is how Kyuhyun always wants to wake up. Skin on skin, lazy breaths on his neck. Long arms around him, fingers idly tracing his collarbone, travelling down his chest. A softly murmured ‘good morning’ against his jaw as he tilts his head to capture those lips in a soft kiss. Ridiculously long legs tangled with his own, trying to get as close as humanly possible.
This is how it’s supposed to be.
He didn’t know when that had happened, either. When it had changed from Kyuhyun-drooling-after-long-legs-secretly to long-legs-wrapped-around-Kyuhyun’s-hips. But goddamnit, he wasn’t going to complain. Not as long as he could have this. He told himself again and again he wasn’t sappy, he wasn’t romantic, it was just natural that he enjoyed moments naked in bed with his boyfriend. In reality?
He knew he had already fallen helplessly, long ago.
At first they had always messed up both beds, trying to cover the fact that only one of them was ever slept in. Until one morning Siwon, of all people, told them they didn’t need to bother, everyone knew anyway. Kyuhyun thought that was for the best.
Especially when he crawls into bed right next to Zhou Mi, underneath the same blanket and snuggles up close, ignoring that the other man tries to focus on reading. He presses his lips against Zhou Mi’s neck, blowing on the smooth skin until the other man is squirming and laughing, trying to push him away. He only stops when the book lies discarded somewhere next to them, their chests heaving along with ragged breaths and barely controlled laughter.
Kyuhyun stops, raising his head to look straight into those dark eyes gazing back at his own. He smiles and reaches out, brushes his fingers over the other man’s cheek. “You do know that I will always be there, right?”
The smile he gets in return is a real Zhou Mi smile. One that reaches all the way up to his eyes, makes his nose crinkle and even offers a flash of white teeth. One that lightens up the whole world and in the distance, Kyuhyun can hear harps and violins and other ridiculous crap people say they hear when they’re in love. Ridiculous or not, it’s there.
Maybe he doesn’t always need to know the reason why he acts. The only thing that matters is that he does.
He doesn’t need to know why, as long as he believes. As long as he feels. As long as he loves.
It might be difficult to always believe. But he knows he will always believe in this.
Believe in them.
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One third of this I wrote when I was sick, one third when I was slightly hungover and I guess the remaining third kind of makes sense XD I hope you enjoyed anyway ♥
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You have no idea how HAPPY I was when I refreshed Miracle page for the zillionth time today and found this!! I've been really craving for QMi fanfic and we were kind of deprived of it lately. So yeah, this fic totally made my night!!! <3 <3
I can't imagine not-smiling-and-dark!Mi!! ;A; It must be a scary sight. And very, very heart-breaking. Our sunshine should always genuinely happy forever. He deserves to live in a perfect world where rainbow and glitters fall from the sky and unicorn fly and everyone loves him so very dearly. Because he is precious, so very precious! /sobs
Sorry, I can't write more coherent comment, but one thing for sure, I heart this story!! QMi forever!! <3
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Me neither ;__; You're SO right, he deserves to live in that happy land of pure sunshine and even when it rains it's just pretty glitter and everyone loves him. Since he is pure love ♥
No need to apologize! I'm glad you liked and thank you so much for commenting! ♥
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Qmi~~~~~~~ *dancing around*
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This is.. oh my god.. this is... Ahhhhhhhhhhhh..... Qmi~~~~~~
Finally I finish reading this and I'm doing it between classes XDD
And I completely looooooooove this this is awesome and I've been craving for more Qmi lately since I couldn't find many but you wrote this and Ahhhhhhh.. this is sooooooo awesome.
Dark and not smiling Zhou Mi is sooooo scary and I rather not imagine it further since I don't wanna see more of dark and unhappy Zhou Mi even if it only in my imagination.
And they did get each other and true love took the clichéd victory in the end~~
The smile he gets in return is a real Zhou Mi smile. One that reaches all the way up to his eyes, makes his nose crinkle and even offers a flash of white teeth. One that lightens up the whole world and in the distance, Kyuhyun can hear harps and violins and other ridiculous crap people say they hear when they’re in love. Ridiculous or not, it’s there.
Maybe he doesn’t always need to know the reason why he acts. The only thing that matters is that he does.
He doesn’t need to know why, as long as he believes. As long as he feels. As long as he loves.
and I love that part so damn much!
Thank you for sharing this.. <33
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I don't wanna see him unhappy even in my imagination either :( That is not natural! But thankfully all ended well and in smiles ;D
Thank you for reading and commenting! ;) I'm happy you liked!
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I've adored your fics like ages, yeah i mean those which are about dir en grey. I've read them... oh, i don't even know how many times (and never commented, yeah, i'm horrible)
But now. Now one of my fav deg-author is ALSO writing QMI which is my otp ;-----------------; <3 I'm in heaven, so in heaven. And it surprises me that there actually are other people hwo like both dir en grey and super junior :--D But that's just great.
And this fic was ... aw. I'm melting. And I'm afraid I'm unable to express myself properly in english so hope you don't mind if I switch language. and god i hope i don't remember wrong when i say you're a finn.
no kuitenkin, pidin ihan hirveästi tosta tunnelmasta, se pysyi koko ajan jotenkin herkkänä. Ihan kuin se vois jotenkin särkyä millä hetkellä hyvänsä, en varmaan hengittänyt kunnolla koko ficin aikana, kun tuntui et sekin jo rikkoisi jotain.
Melankolia uppoaa muhun myös aina (duh, suomalaiset) ja eritoten tällaiset, joissa on kuitenkin melankoliasta huolimatta selkeästi onnellinen loppu.
Pidän myös ihan hirveästi siitä, millainen Kyuhyun tässä on. Jotenkin vastaa mun omia mielikuviani siitä ja no, bias is a bias, joten mä koen tärkeäksi ficcejä lukiessa sen, että ne mielikuvat, mitä se ficci antaa, vastaisi, tai ei ainakaan kovin pahasti taistelisi omia ajatuksiani vastaan.
En mä nyt oikeastaan tähän hätään ja vuorokauden aikaan osaa muuta sanoa kuin että keep going, you are wonderful <3
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There are surprisingly many people who like both! Although I guess people usually move from one fandom to another instead of juggling them both XD But hey I've always multi-tasked *laughs*
Ja et muista ollenkaan väärin :D Eli kumpikin kieli käy aivan mainiosti!
Et uskokaan, kuinka suuri kohteliaisuus tuo on ♥ Minä yleensäkin yritän aina keskittyä tunnelmaan enemmän kuin juoneen, ja jos se edes jokseenkin välittyi lukijalle, se on paras palkinto mitä tästä voi saada :)
Onnellinen loppu on ihan pakollinen! Minä en pysty elämään surullisten loppujen kanssa XD Tiedän, olen säälittävä XD
Tiedän mitä tarkotat tuollakin. Minua ärsyttää lukijana suunnattomasti, jos joku henkilöistä on kirjotettu IHAN eri lailla kun itse sen näen. Jostain syystä Kyun kirjottaminen tuntuu helpolta, en edes tiedä miksi :) Jotenkin se vaan loksahti kohdalleen, kai x)
Kiitos kiitos kiitos ♥♥♥ Tämä sinun kommenttisi pelasti kyllä koko illan :D
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THIS WAS THE SWEETEST THING EVERY /CLINGS TO YOU.
I SHOULD BE FINISHING A DUMB HISTORY PROJECT BUT IDRGAF. BECAUSE QMI COMES BEFORE ALL THAT.
♥ THIS. WAS SO ADORABLE. /mems forever ♥
gosh i love you.
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And I hope you got your history project done, too! ;)
♥ ♥ ♥
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How could someone ever hate a person like Zhou Mi? YES KYU BB, I'VE BEEN ASKING THAT SAME QUESTION MYSELF. i seriously don't know what's up with those people who hates zhou mi. i mean what how can you even hate someone who's basically happiness and sunshine personified? mimi doesn't deserve to be hated. he just..doesn't. ;_________;
They just don’t know what they’re missing. i couldn't agree more! mimi's haters are just wasting half of their lives loathing someone who doesn't really deserve so much hate.
Usually Kyuhyun hates sitting on the floor but right here, right now, he finds himself enjoying the way he can tilt his head to the side and rest it against Zhou Mi’s knee. He enjoys the way the other man reaches out, idly brushing his fingers through his hair. ...is it weird that i pretty much squealed at this lovely scene that basically just painted itself in my head? <333
“Don’t push me away.” /sobs this one little sentence just really did it for me. i can just imagine kyu saying this, almost tearing up and holding himself together for mimi. hdfkahdfkas be strong both of you ;~;
This is how Kyuhyun always wants to wake up. Skin on skin, lazy breaths on his neck. Long arms around him, fingers idly tracing his collarbone, travelling down his chest. A softly murmured ‘good morning’ against his jaw as he tilts his head to capture those lips in a soft kiss. Ridiculously long legs tangled with his own, trying to get as close as humanly possible. YES YES YES THIS IS JUST THE PERFECT WAY TO WAKE UP EVERY SINGLE DAY. /bricked
HAFKAJFKASKAL I ALMOST LAUGHED WHEN I GOT TO THIS PART "get the whole three miles of them around his hips..." AND I WAS ALL 'WHAT AREN'T WE JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS LAST TIME' orz basically, it just amused me to no end. XDDD but but but this was such a lovely piece unnie! this was angst and fluff perfectly rolled into one and i thoroughly enjoyed reading it. this was such a great story to come home to, so thankyouuuuu~
now go finish that showerporn~qmi you're writing! hdkasfksano subject
Those people just really have no idea what they're missing! Mimi is the sweetest thing ever and pure sunshine and sweetness and awh ;___; How does he even do it? He's just so darn sweet ♥
I'm GLAD you squealed at it 8D Since I loved imagining the moment, too, how it's so slow and calm and intimate and yeah. I'm a sucker for moods, I always focus on that x)
Now they have each other and can be strong together! ;___; Oh true love conquers it all! ♥
hahaha and I must agree it'd be an amazing way to wake up XD
YOU KNOW WHAT? I LAUGHED TOO. Since when I was finishing this up I remembered out conversation and it made me go all 8DDDD when I typed that bit XD BUT IT FIT SO WELL. Yes. Besides, it's not my fault that Mimi's legs belong around Kyu's hips *coughs*
Thank you sooo much~ ♥ I'm really happy you liked it! :)
haha I try I try XD but I'm still only halfway done with it XD♥♥♥
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<3 <3 <3
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anyway.
I always love qmi fics. This isn't exception. It's beautifully written also... ah, the love.....
^^
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Thank you! :) I'm glad to hear you liked it!
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And you manage to make them lovely but nowhere near sappy. I love it, and you.
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