rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 07:42 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 07:42 pm
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Title: Never
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fonulyn
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kaoru & Die
Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do NOT get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: This is short again, I had an inspiration in the bus when I was coming back from visiting my parents. Hehe, I tend to write a lot in busses. Anyways, thank for the first sentence topi_ankh.
There’s something in this that I actually like, but then again there’s a lot of things that I don’t like too. Now I’m not making any sense anymore. So you’ll just have to read and see for yourself^^
Never
I looked at his peaceful expression against the mountainside. As usual we had driven there as soon as we got enough free days to do so. The way was long, took us two days to get there by car, but Kaoru always refused to take the plane or the train. For some reason it was inevitable that we drove there in our own car, just the two of us. Not that it would’ve bothered me, quite the contrary. The drives were always something I enjoyed as much as staying in the mountains. We didn’t even usually talk a lot during the journey, it was more like silent enjoying of the fact that we were there together with no one else.
This time we had a week off - a rare occasion these days. And as I had suspected, as the first free day was turning towards the evening he told me to pack, since he had decided that we would leave at dawn. Silently I obeyed; it was something we hardly ever even discussed. The journeys, I mean. When we arrived there it was just like always. And I enjoyed every single minute of our stay.
Now here I was, watching him as we were standing on the edge of a cliff, mountains surrounding us from every side. A gentle breeze was caressing us, making our hair dance in some way. That was when he spoke.
“Die?” I didn’t answer, only looked at him signalling that I had heard. Somehow it felt better not to talk out loud at that moment. “You know why we always come here?”
This time I nodded. He had told me the story of this particular mountain a long ago. This was what the old people called ‘a mountain of promises.’ Every single promise made here was meant to be kept, and it was told that no one could make false promises here. Kaoru looked me seriously in the eye. “Now I’ll make a promise. Remember it and know that no other promise has ever meant this much to me.”
I bit my lip, fearing what would come next. He swallowed hard and looked at his feet for a moment before turning back to face me. One could tell that it was an emotional moment for him.
“Die, I want to promise you that I will never leave you, no matter what. I’ll always be here.” He had moved close to me and pressed his palm on my chest, right on the place where my heart was beating. “Here.”
I laughed softly and hugged him close, telling him that I knew he wasn’t going anywhere and that he loved me. We shared a gentle kiss and I told him, like so many times before, that I loved him more than anything. I also said that I wasn’t going to ever leave him either. Somehow it seemed to make him more emotional than usually, and there were small tears glimmering in his eyes, eyes full of love, gratitude and relief.
Now I know why.
*****
Again I’m standing on that very same spot I just told about. But this time I’m alone. There’s no one here to stand beside me and tell me he loves me, so all I can hold on to is the memory.
Like I said, now I know why Kaoru said those things that time we were here. He told me he would never leave me, but then he did. In the worst meaning of the word, since he isn’t even alive anymore. There is no such thing as Kaoru anymore, unless you count his bones buried in the ground somewhere. Only a few weeks after the trip I just told you about he managed to collect enough courage to tell me that he was dying. Of course, I didn’t believe him at first, but then I had to witness it happen.
Slowly he faded away, and I had to be strong. I still can feel tears roll down my cheeks whenever I think about him, about what happened to him. It wasn’t supposed to go that way. We were supposed to grow old together.
Unfortunately, in life, things don’t always go as planned.
He told me he would never leave me and then he did. He left me in this world all alone. To be honest with you, it took me long to get over the anger and sadness. But then I started to realize that I really was only angry with myself, since there had been nothing I could have done to help him when he needed me the most.
Now I’m trying to live again. One of the last things he told me was that I should go on. I’m not intending on forgetting him, not at all, but I guess I can let go of the anger and sorrow while still keeping the good memories. And those good moments I never want to forget, never will.
It is getting easier. Not much, and not fast. But it is. I can remember Kaoru’s smile, his eyes, his gentle touch and be happy for a moment, living in the memories.
Along with the thoughts of him, a soft breeze rises and toys in my hair like it did then. I can almost feel Kaoru’s hand on my cheek, his lips on my own. It feels like he’s there to comfort me.
And I know he never really left me.
Never.
Author:
fonulynRating: PG
Pairing: Kaoru & Die
Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do NOT get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: This is short again, I had an inspiration in the bus when I was coming back from visiting my parents. Hehe, I tend to write a lot in busses. Anyways, thank for the first sentence to
pi_ankh. There’s something in this that I actually like, but then again there’s a lot of things that I don’t like too. Now I’m not making any sense anymore. So you’ll just have to read and see for yourself^^
I looked at his peaceful expression against the mountainside. As usual we had driven there as soon as we got enough free days to do so. The way was long, took us two days to get there by car, but Kaoru always refused to take the plane or the train. For some reason it was inevitable that we drove there in our own car, just the two of us. Not that it would’ve bothered me, quite the contrary. The drives were always something I enjoyed as much as staying in the mountains. We didn’t even usually talk a lot during the journey, it was more like silent enjoying of the fact that we were there together with no one else.
This time we had a week off - a rare occasion these days. And as I had suspected, as the first free day was turning towards the evening he told me to pack, since he had decided that we would leave at dawn. Silently I obeyed; it was something we hardly ever even discussed. The journeys, I mean. When we arrived there it was just like always. And I enjoyed every single minute of our stay.
Now here I was, watching him as we were standing on the edge of a cliff, mountains surrounding us from every side. A gentle breeze was caressing us, making our hair dance in some way. That was when he spoke.
“Die?” I didn’t answer, only looked at him signalling that I had heard. Somehow it felt better not to talk out loud at that moment. “You know why we always come here?”
This time I nodded. He had told me the story of this particular mountain a long ago. This was what the old people called ‘a mountain of promises.’ Every single promise made here was meant to be kept, and it was told that no one could make false promises here. Kaoru looked me seriously in the eye. “Now I’ll make a promise. Remember it and know that no other promise has ever meant this much to me.”
I bit my lip, fearing what would come next. He swallowed hard and looked at his feet for a moment before turning back to face me. One could tell that it was an emotional moment for him.
“Die, I want to promise you that I will never leave you, no matter what. I’ll always be here.” He had moved close to me and pressed his palm on my chest, right on the place where my heart was beating. “Here.”
I laughed softly and hugged him close, telling him that I knew he wasn’t going anywhere and that he loved me. We shared a gentle kiss and I told him, like so many times before, that I loved him more than anything. I also said that I wasn’t going to ever leave him either. Somehow it seemed to make him more emotional than usually, and there were small tears glimmering in his eyes, eyes full of love, gratitude and relief.
Now I know why.
Again I’m standing on that very same spot I just told about. But this time I’m alone. There’s no one here to stand beside me and tell me he loves me, so all I can hold on to is the memory.
Like I said, now I know why Kaoru said those things that time we were here. He told me he would never leave me, but then he did. In the worst meaning of the word, since he isn’t even alive anymore. There is no such thing as Kaoru anymore, unless you count his bones buried in the ground somewhere. Only a few weeks after the trip I just told you about he managed to collect enough courage to tell me that he was dying. Of course, I didn’t believe him at first, but then I had to witness it happen.
Slowly he faded away, and I had to be strong. I still can feel tears roll down my cheeks whenever I think about him, about what happened to him. It wasn’t supposed to go that way. We were supposed to grow old together.
Unfortunately, in life, things don’t always go as planned.
He told me he would never leave me and then he did. He left me in this world all alone. To be honest with you, it took me long to get over the anger and sadness. But then I started to realize that I really was only angry with myself, since there had been nothing I could have done to help him when he needed me the most.
Now I’m trying to live again. One of the last things he told me was that I should go on. I’m not intending on forgetting him, not at all, but I guess I can let go of the anger and sorrow while still keeping the good memories. And those good moments I never want to forget, never will.
It is getting easier. Not much, and not fast. But it is. I can remember Kaoru’s smile, his eyes, his gentle touch and be happy for a moment, living in the memories.
Along with the thoughts of him, a soft breeze rises and toys in my hair like it did then. I can almost feel Kaoru’s hand on my cheek, his lips on my own. It feels like he’s there to comfort me.
And I know he never really left me.
Never.
no subject
I've read it a lot of times already and it always makes me cry. But it also soothes me. I know this sounds weird, but that's how it is. Dies feelings are so well described and mirror my own. I had a similar expierience after my mom died. After that I was at peace with her death and could go on with my live.
I like how you described Kao and his actings. While reading one really gets emotional, too. one wouldn't expect him to act this way. But it's so lovely.
again, thank you!^^
Sorry for my babbling!
no subject
And well, it doesn't sound that weird that it soothes too, I know what you mean. It's kinda about surviving, being able to accept things like death, and I'm glad if you found it realistic^^
heh, and I guess Kao gets emotional since it's so important to him. Even when you don't tend to show your feelings always openly, there are moments when you feel the need to do it.
And don't apologize! I loved to read your babbling :D Thanks again for commenting!
no subject
It was very realistic! And very romantic, too!
I love Kao being emotional, honestly. It's good to not see him as the always strong leader-sama.
Thankies! I tend to do that.X) *babbles some more*
no subject
I like to see him emotional sometimes too, since I don't think it's normal for people to always be strong, and always have control over themselves. So, it's kinda Kao's weak moment there XD
heehe, I tend to babble a hell lot too XD