rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2010-03-13 12:48 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2010-03-13 12:48 pm
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Title: Fall
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fonulyn
Rating: PG
Pairing: Toshiya/Die
Theme: 049: Time goes by
Disclaimer: I own no one, only my dirty imagination.
Summary: The first time he looked into Toshiya’s deep eyes, he felt his heart break into thousand little pieces. And that night, over a glass of beer to get to know each other, they pieced his heart back together.
Comments:
fonulyn: This one I already wrote a while back, but never got around to post (bad, bad me) before now. Somehow I have a feeling it’s not quite consistent, it was supposed to head to a totally different direction than it eventually did. Yet, there are some sentences I’m quite fond of, some metaphors I just have to like. So yeah. I hope you like :) Also, inspired by this lovely prompt.
And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Plus, the archive.
Fall
Die still remembered his old classroom. Too cold in the winter, too hot in the summer, with the ever present scent of old books lingering in the air. The English lessons were always in the early morning and it was hard to focus while still fighting sleep. Several times he had just dozed off during the lesson, only to snap back to reality at some point. One time, he woke up from his distant haze, and when he raised his gaze up to look at the blackboard, he froze.
"Always make new mistakes."
There it was, written with white chalk in the middle of the blackboard. Four words, that somehow seemed to always come back to him. Even twenty years later, on his 34th birthday, he remembered that sentence, although its meaning seemed to have shifted a little during his life thus far.
When he was fourteen he thought the biggest mistake of his life was to wear black pants instead of dark blue jeans in the school party. Or being too lazy and just playing Nintendo although he should’ve been studying for the maths exam. Maybe stealing from the neighbour’s apple tree ranked somewhere on top of the list of huge mistakes as well. Small, concrete things that were clearly palpable and defined.
Twenty years later, everything was so much more abstract. Everything was complicated. Thoughts, figures, feelings, all mixed into one big incoherent mess that he couldn’t make any sense of. It sometimes made him wish he would still be fourteen and would only need to worry whether he was one of the popular kids or not.
Because somehow, he was beginning to feel that being an adult wasn’t that much fun after all.
Maybe, somewhere along the way, he had taken a wrong turn and he couldn’t make it undone any longer. Maybe the wrong decision was to pursue his dream and join a band. Or maybe the wrong decision was to cut his first, long relationship that had been meant to last through everything. Or maybe, the wrong decision had simply been the moment when he looked up into his new bandmate’s eyes.
Die still remembered the day Toshiya had first appeared at their rehearsal studio to meet up with them. He had had the most obnoxious loud laughter, crooked teeth and long wavy hair. He had been way too open, brutally honest and just all too likeable in general. It had seemed that this young man wouldn’t let anything stand before him, he would bust through a brick wall if needed, just to reach his goals.
Somehow Die had thought that was even scary. He wasn’t strong like that. He would rather let the fate bring him wherever he was supposed to go. He was a drifter, someone who floated through life instead of really taking part in it.
With Toshiya, that all changed.
Suddenly there was no fear any longer. It didn’t matter if he didn’t succeed in everything he tried, he knew that there would be someone to always back him up and bail him out of troubles. It seemed that the bouncy bassist brought the whole band together in a way they hadn’t been able to function before. He was the missing piece of the puzzle, and once he was there, they were all a part of a greater unity. Functional. Something that wouldn’t work if one of them was removed.
Even a bigger impact it had on Die’s personal life though. He had always been a social butterfly; getting along with everyone, but not really letting anyone close enough to see right through him. He was liked, had gazillions of shallow friends and acquaintances. Nevertheless, he felt lonely, felt like he didn’t have anyone who could tear down his defences and leave him raw, vulnerable, and still safe. He didn’t have anyone to trust, unconditionally.
Until he allowed himself to fall.
The first time he looked into Toshiya’s deep eyes, he felt his heart break into thousand little pieces. And that night, over a glass of beer to get to know each other, they pieced his heart back together. Still something was missing. There was one, essential piece that was missing from his heart now, a piece that Toshiya had slipped into his pocket to keep forever. A piece Die didn’t even want to claim back.
Nothing came of it that night. Nothing came of it the following eight years. There were moments when they were closer together, moments when it almost seemed that they would cross the last border. There even was a drunken kiss, love confessions long forgotten in the early morning hours the next day.
Or were they?
One night, exactly eight years after getting the band together, Toshiya appeared on Die’s doorstep. He was smiling, telling the older man that he had something important to tell. Die let him in, and for the next few hours they were sitting on his couch, the tea cooling in their mugs on the table, long forgotten. Toshiya talked. He talked, he told about his feelings, he told about the past eight years and what had been going on in his mind. He told Die he needed him.
Die listened silently. He absorbed every piece of information he was given. But from the first word on, he knew what he would do.
Again, he allowed himself to fall. He let himself sink into the world of feverish touches, incoherent kisses and unspoken promises.
This was his mistake. Falling. It was old, repeated a thousand times, yet always new. Every time he looked into those deep eyes he was helpless, he allowed the rest of the world to vanish from his mind as he only focused on the man before him. He was open, raw and vulnerable, in a way he had never been before. He let the other man close, handed him the rest of his heart so it could be complete again, the last piece returned.
This might be his mistake.
But he was beginning to think it wasn't a mistake after all.
Author:
fonulynRating: PG
Pairing: Toshiya/Die
Theme: 049: Time goes by
Disclaimer: I own no one, only my dirty imagination.
Summary: The first time he looked into Toshiya’s deep eyes, he felt his heart break into thousand little pieces. And that night, over a glass of beer to get to know each other, they pieced his heart back together.
Comments:
fonulyn: This one I already wrote a while back, but never got around to post (bad, bad me) before now. Somehow I have a feeling it’s not quite consistent, it was supposed to head to a totally different direction than it eventually did. Yet, there are some sentences I’m quite fond of, some metaphors I just have to like. So yeah. I hope you like :) Also, inspired by this lovely prompt.And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Plus, the archive.
Die still remembered his old classroom. Too cold in the winter, too hot in the summer, with the ever present scent of old books lingering in the air. The English lessons were always in the early morning and it was hard to focus while still fighting sleep. Several times he had just dozed off during the lesson, only to snap back to reality at some point. One time, he woke up from his distant haze, and when he raised his gaze up to look at the blackboard, he froze.
"Always make new mistakes."
There it was, written with white chalk in the middle of the blackboard. Four words, that somehow seemed to always come back to him. Even twenty years later, on his 34th birthday, he remembered that sentence, although its meaning seemed to have shifted a little during his life thus far.
When he was fourteen he thought the biggest mistake of his life was to wear black pants instead of dark blue jeans in the school party. Or being too lazy and just playing Nintendo although he should’ve been studying for the maths exam. Maybe stealing from the neighbour’s apple tree ranked somewhere on top of the list of huge mistakes as well. Small, concrete things that were clearly palpable and defined.
Twenty years later, everything was so much more abstract. Everything was complicated. Thoughts, figures, feelings, all mixed into one big incoherent mess that he couldn’t make any sense of. It sometimes made him wish he would still be fourteen and would only need to worry whether he was one of the popular kids or not.
Because somehow, he was beginning to feel that being an adult wasn’t that much fun after all.
Maybe, somewhere along the way, he had taken a wrong turn and he couldn’t make it undone any longer. Maybe the wrong decision was to pursue his dream and join a band. Or maybe the wrong decision was to cut his first, long relationship that had been meant to last through everything. Or maybe, the wrong decision had simply been the moment when he looked up into his new bandmate’s eyes.
Die still remembered the day Toshiya had first appeared at their rehearsal studio to meet up with them. He had had the most obnoxious loud laughter, crooked teeth and long wavy hair. He had been way too open, brutally honest and just all too likeable in general. It had seemed that this young man wouldn’t let anything stand before him, he would bust through a brick wall if needed, just to reach his goals.
Somehow Die had thought that was even scary. He wasn’t strong like that. He would rather let the fate bring him wherever he was supposed to go. He was a drifter, someone who floated through life instead of really taking part in it.
With Toshiya, that all changed.
Suddenly there was no fear any longer. It didn’t matter if he didn’t succeed in everything he tried, he knew that there would be someone to always back him up and bail him out of troubles. It seemed that the bouncy bassist brought the whole band together in a way they hadn’t been able to function before. He was the missing piece of the puzzle, and once he was there, they were all a part of a greater unity. Functional. Something that wouldn’t work if one of them was removed.
Even a bigger impact it had on Die’s personal life though. He had always been a social butterfly; getting along with everyone, but not really letting anyone close enough to see right through him. He was liked, had gazillions of shallow friends and acquaintances. Nevertheless, he felt lonely, felt like he didn’t have anyone who could tear down his defences and leave him raw, vulnerable, and still safe. He didn’t have anyone to trust, unconditionally.
Until he allowed himself to fall.
The first time he looked into Toshiya’s deep eyes, he felt his heart break into thousand little pieces. And that night, over a glass of beer to get to know each other, they pieced his heart back together. Still something was missing. There was one, essential piece that was missing from his heart now, a piece that Toshiya had slipped into his pocket to keep forever. A piece Die didn’t even want to claim back.
Nothing came of it that night. Nothing came of it the following eight years. There were moments when they were closer together, moments when it almost seemed that they would cross the last border. There even was a drunken kiss, love confessions long forgotten in the early morning hours the next day.
Or were they?
One night, exactly eight years after getting the band together, Toshiya appeared on Die’s doorstep. He was smiling, telling the older man that he had something important to tell. Die let him in, and for the next few hours they were sitting on his couch, the tea cooling in their mugs on the table, long forgotten. Toshiya talked. He talked, he told about his feelings, he told about the past eight years and what had been going on in his mind. He told Die he needed him.
Die listened silently. He absorbed every piece of information he was given. But from the first word on, he knew what he would do.
Again, he allowed himself to fall. He let himself sink into the world of feverish touches, incoherent kisses and unspoken promises.
This was his mistake. Falling. It was old, repeated a thousand times, yet always new. Every time he looked into those deep eyes he was helpless, he allowed the rest of the world to vanish from his mind as he only focused on the man before him. He was open, raw and vulnerable, in a way he had never been before. He let the other man close, handed him the rest of his heart so it could be complete again, the last piece returned.
This might be his mistake.
But he was beginning to think it wasn't a mistake after all.
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