rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2009-05-28 11:02 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2009-05-28 11:02 pm
(no subject)
Title: Spring; Chapter 8: There's gotta be a little rain sometimes
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seinen_no and fonulyn
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: Kaoru is the most popular guy at the whole school, the student council and a straight A student, leading a life that most people consider perfect and flawless. Die is a happy-go-lucky, lazy average student who more likes to concentrate on enjoying life rather than giving all of his time for studying. When the latter is about to fail physics amongst some other subjects, the former is hired to give him private lessons. The boys don’t exactly like each other to begin with though…
Comments:
seinen_no: Again I'm forced to give my comment here, but what am I to say? This is at least a loooong chapter XD I like it quite much, like the tension and if you wonder about the title, I've been humming "Rose garden" while correcting it (and then I had that song in my head all day). So that's what I want to give to you along to this chapter
"I beg your pardon. I never promised you a rose garden. Along with the sunshine. There's gotta be a little rain sometimes."
I think that says it all^^ Enjoy and dears, thank you all so much for your nice comments. Really makes us happy.
fonulyn: This is a chappie that never fails to get me all emotional. But I’m just pathetic like that XD Anyways, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! I just can’t help but to feel with the boys, laugh when they laugh and cry when they cry x) But I’ll shush now and let you to it^^
And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Plus, the archive .
Previously happened: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7
Chapter 8: There's gotta be a little rain sometimes
Sadly, the free day passed by all too fast, but the two teenagers made the most of it. They knew that the time afterwards would be hard; giving up on the closeness again and not be able to see each other as much as they would have wanted. Although he was usually very controlled, Kaoru caught himself staring out of the window at class more than once, thinking about his redheaded boyfriend.
He knew that Die wanted to meet as much as he himself, but that didn't change the fact that he was missing him badly. The worse thing was that he heard a lot of rumors going on about the other teen, about how he had been making out with some girl at a wild party the other day or how he had been caught drinking coffee with some beautiful long-legged blonde.
Although he knew it wasn't much likely, those rumors didn't help Kaoru to keep up the unflappable trust he had in Die and it got the first scratches. It was hard to keep up his façade as, whenever he heard a new rumor, he wanted to shout in the gossiper's face that this wasn't possible because HE was with the redhead, HE was his boyfriend.
The rumors were partly true, seeing that Die did party a lot and was hanging out with some other friends too than only Kyo to kill time whenever he couldn't meet his boyfriend. But he didn't go around hitting on girls, or other boys at that, so that side of the rumors was completely made up. Die was getting more and more frustrated about the little amount of time they were allowed to spend together though.
On several occasions it happened that his parents forced him to go somewhere with them just when he would've had the chance for some quality time with Kaoru, but that couldn't be helped. So he was clinging more or less desperately to the few short moments they got for themselves.
It began to become awkward between them even when they had time to meet. They both forced the feeling down though, because they knew they only had little time to share and didn't want to waste it by arguing. That caused the tension between them to grow until Kaoru was hardly able to control his jealousy.
Whenever Die told him about a party, even about some girls who had tried to force him to dance, his expression became petrified and no matter that he knew deep down inside that his boyfriend was faithful to him, he felt like slapping him. He simply didn't want to hear about those things, wanted to shut them out of their perfect little world, but at one point, he couldn't do that anymore. Time and time again, he saw Die how he told him to stop, how he told him he was scared and right now, it was Kaoru who became afraid that Die could have found out he didn't fall for guys after all, that he didn't fall for HIM.
Die didn't realize that Kaoru was feeling like that. He noticed the tension and it bothered him that they weren't as comfortable around each other as they used to be before. Whenever tension occurred, he tried to cover it by babbling, mostly about some party where he had been since those were the first things that came into his mind, and he was totally unaware that it only caused things to get worse.
One evening, they didn't have enough time to go to their hideout and thus stayed at Kaoru's place as his parents had gone to some official dinner, the older teen's mind had been travelling off for some time already and he didn't even listen to Die's stories anymore. Suddenly, he said. "You seem to have a lot of fun without me." It sounded harsher than intended, but he didn't realize it and just continued.
"You know, if you don't want this anymore, you can tell me. Really, I understand if you found out it's too much to ask of you to be with a guy, to be with me." He turned to look at the redhead, his eyes glistening with a mixture of defiance, serenity and coldness. Only if one knew how to look for it, one could see that in reality this was only a wall he had built for self-protection, that in reality he was afraid and insecure.
Inwardly, he was hoping for Die to tell him he was the only one, that he wouldn't ever want something else, but Kaoru also knew that he was the first person with whom Die had had sexual experiences despite his reputation, and he feared that the other one had now found out he wanted to try other things too.
It took a moment for Die to even realize what had been said, as this had come so totally out of the blue. At first all he could manage was a highly intelligent "What?" along with a dumbfounded expression. As it sunk into his brains though, he instantly frowned seriously. "I never said I don't want to be with you! NEVER! I'm just trying to keep myself busy so that I'm not dying of boredom while you have more important things to attend than me." He didn't mean to spit the words out quite as harshly as he did, but the built up tension was just too much and he snapped before being able to hold back.
That hit where it hurt as Kaoru was very well aware of the truth in those words. Yet, it only managed to make him angrier and he jumped up from his chair. "I'm sorry that I can't keep the little princess company all the time, but damnit Die, you KNEW before that I had to attend summer school. I applied before we even met each other. And you know I want to go to Todai. I need the good grades or I won't ever make it." He glared at the redhead. "And if keeping yourself busy means making out with random girls, then maybe I don't want you to want to be with me anymore!"
If the younger teenager hadn't been furious before, that did the trick easily and one could see it in the dangerous sparkle that appeared in his eyes. "When the fuck did you start believing everything that's told!?" He was clenching his fists, trying to calm down at least remotely. "I've NEVER made out with random girls after we got together, hell, I hardly ever did it before even! Are you going to believe ME or those RUMOURS now? Your choice, but if you choose the rumors then I'm out of here and you don't ever have to see me again. I bet you'd like that, huh? Your grades were always more important to you anyways!"
The last comment was like a stab to Kaoru's heart as he really felt like he had let the redhead down, hadn't succeeded in making him see how important he really was to him although he had to work hard to get a good exam. For a long moment, he only stared at the taller teen, unable to process what he had just said and what was going on in his own mind. He didn't believe the rumors, didn't want to believe them and yet he had been hoping that Die would manage to take the fears away from him, the insecurities.
For some reason though, the other one had managed to do the complete opposite and that caused the blood to rush through Kaoru's veins as anger stirred inside him. "Like that? It was ME who always has to rush to meet you, because _I_ can't allow myself to lie on the couch and just be lazy. And you tell me I might like if you left? You know what?" His voice grew louder, was high-pitched and sounded oddly strange in his own ears. "You are right! When you're gone, I can finally take a breath in between and wouldn't always be in a hurry. Then I could just do whatever _I_ want!"
After the words had left his mouth, something inside him hurt so much, and he could literally feel his heart break. Never in his whole life had he gone through something like that, but he knew that it was over, that Die would leave him for good. Everything had just gone wrong and no matter what he said now, he knew it wouldn't make things better again, couldn't repair what had been broken.
The younger teen was just staring at the other from wide eyes for a long moment, not knowing how to react to that. It felt like an eternity although in reality it were only seconds, before he finally found his voice back. "If I'm being such a burden why didn't you say something earlier? You just led me on and made me believe you loved me although apparently it was all just an act!" He was furious again, but at the same time it felt like someone had taken a hold of his heart and was squeezing until it hurt more than anything had hurt before in his life.
There was a lump in his throat and speaking was hard but he forced the words out despite his voice breaking. "You have no fucking clue how stupid it makes me feel, to spend a week after another just waiting for you all days when obviously you were just hoping for me to leave you alone. Well fuck you! I'm not going to waste a single second anymore hoping you'd love me back." At the exact second when the last word had left his lips he turned on his heels, storming out of the room.
"Fuck!" Kaoru fell onto his bed, face first and buried his head underneath a cushion. He hadn't intended on hurting Die. He loved him for Christ's sake, so why should he want him to leave? But he had said just that a few seconds ago and now it made him feel like scum, like the biggest jerk on earth. Never would he have believed that love could hurt so much, but it did and even the tears that were leaving his eyes didn't manage to mend his broken heart. How had this begun; how had it come this far? Unable to move nor to breathe freely anymore, he just stayed where he was, thinking and crying until he was exhausted and drifted off into an uneasy sleep.
The redhead ran straight out of the house and into the street, not looking where he headed. Stubborn tears were flowing down his cheeks and caused his vision to blur until he didn't even see where he was going. Still he kept on running until his lungs were burning in the need for oxygen, until his legs simply didn't carry him anymore. Wordlessly he collapsed beside the nearest wall, crying out his heart's content uncontrollably. He had buried his face into his palms, curled up into a ball and he didn't even notice the glances a random passer-by threw his way. His world had just come to an end and he didn't care he was crying like a girl, he simply felt so hurt, so betrayed and so alone.
The next day, Kaoru acted like a robot, showered, got dressed and went to school like he was supposed to. But he felt like an empty shell, as if the thing that made life worth living had been sucked out of him and only left emptiness behind. Whenever he allowed his mind to wander, tears began to fill his eyes and he had to fight them down not to attract the attention of his fellow students.
The only question that was nagging him was if he could ever make it up to Die again, if he could make him believe that he did love him. That was his only wish. Throughout all the days they couldn't meet, he had been keeping up his good humor by just imagining how it'd be once they saw, how Die's eyes would sparkle, how he would smile at him. All that was gone now; there was no Die waiting for him tonight although it was one of the days where he didn't have anything to do after school and although it would've been for a few hours only, they still would've made it worth sharing them.
Die on the other hand was totally impossible the next morning. Late at night he had somehow managed to get himself back home and into his own bed, where he had stayed awake for hours still. Tears wouldn't come anymore, not although he felt like choking, like crying would've made him feel better. When he woke up he was more than cranky. He yelled at his little sisters and threw them out of his room, refusing to go down for breakfast and only growled angrily at his mother when she knocked on the door and asked him to let her in. Stubbornly he stayed locked up in his own room, crying or just staring out of the window, thinking of everything that had gone wrong.
When the coast was clear he quickly sneaked out, but very much to his discomfort bumped into his mother on the way. He snapped at her, plainly yelling and finally ran out of the house even slamming the door shut behind himself. The poor woman was totally confused. She had never seen her son like that and had only one plausible explanation; Die must be lovesick. Since she had no idea when he had picked up a girlfriend, she went to her oldest daughter, asking Erika if she knew something about it. Finally, the girl at least admitted that Die indeed was dating someone, but kept quiet about the fact that it was a boy. She didn't like lying to her mother, but also thought that telling her would be Die's business.
At school, Kaoru simply threw his lunch into the garbage and went up to the roof where he would be left in peace and could try to focus. He had reached the point where he was certain he would do anything to make it up to the redheaded teen, would even kneel down in front of him and ask forgiveness. Still, he wasn't sure anymore if everything had only been his fault. Why hadn't Die just told him he loved him and that those rumors were only rumors? Why had he put it so weirdly that had forced Kaoru to act? Anyhow, he didn't care anymore for those things, only tried to come up with the best way how to apologize although he knew he didn't dare to just call the other teen and ask him for a meeting.
At first the redhead had been determined not to bother, had wanted to just forget all about the older teen and go on with his life as before meeting him. But somehow his steps led him to their secret hideout, to the place where they had spent so many hours together just enjoying each other's company. That somehow made his heart cramp and he knew he couldn't just walk away like that. He knew they needed to talk, and he knew he wanted to be with Kaoru still.
The only things stopping him from going to apologize were his pride and his insecurity. He simply felt like it hadn't been all his fault, and on the other hand he wasn't sure where his place was in the other teen's life. He had been so sure about the love between them, but the argument had shook him thoroughly and now he wasn't even sure if the other had ever loved him in the first place as much as he had thought.
Kaoru on the other hand was certain about his feelings for the redhead and only Die's words had made him see that the other one might have not been as secure about them. But he had told him more than once, had shown it with his kisses, his touches and the fact that he indeed had spent every free second with the redhead. It was true that he had gotten too little sleep because of that more than once, that he had been rushing to his boyfriend and although he really had enjoyed every moment with him, he had begun to feel burned out, as if everything tried to eat him up. But before yesterday night, he hadn't even thought about breaking up seriously, more about trying to cut his other duties down to a minimum.
He even had asked himself why he wanted to go to Todai so desperately and if he wasn't making a fool out of himself by trying to emulate his older brother. Die had shown him that there were so many things to enjoy in life, things besides a good reputation, being the teachers' pet and a good son. Things, he had never seen before Die had pointed him at them. It was as if the other teen had become his eyes, his breath of life and now that he was gone, he felt like withering away slowly. If this had been about something else, he wouldn't have had any problems to stand up and apologize like one expected. But Die was important to him, more important than he knew probably and that made it hard to just go to him and admit that he had done a mistake.
It seemed like they were stuck in the situation, neither of them willing to be the first one to apologize, to be the one suggesting a meeting. Although they were both clearly suffering from the current situation. Die had met Kyo only once after the argument with his boyfriend, and that hadn't been exactly the meeting of two best friends. The redhead had been in a bad mood, retreated into his shell until he had snapped at Kyo and had stormed off the place. He felt like that was the only thing he was doing nowadays; running from things.
It made him feel like such a coward but he didn't know what else to do, didn't know how to fix things and how to finally say he was sorry and he shouldn't have been so selfish in his demands. Kaoru's life's pursuit was to get to the best university in the country and who was he to compete with that? If he really loved the older teen, wouldn't it mean he should allow him to make studying top priority?
At first, Kyo had been angry because of Die's act, but when he had thought about it afterwards, he had come to the conclusion that there must have been something that had caused his crankiness. So he had shown up at Kaoru's place, ignoring the glare he had received from his older cousin. Sadly, Kaoru had simply ignored him, no matter what question he had asked or what he had said, his features had remained petrified. Still, he wasn't stupid and counted one and one together. Before he left, all he said was. "I don't think he'd push you away if you ask him for a meeting."
As soon as the words had left his mouth, he went out of there, asking himself if he had committed a mistake by interfering or not. The last words though made Kaoru cry again because he knew Die wouldn't push him away. But what if they met and the other one only told him that it had been a wise idea to break up? What if he had shut off with their relationship already?
Still, the next day, after sleeping one night over it, he sent Die a text message if he would be willing to meet and talk about things again. Kaoru suggested the small café at the other end of town, neutral ground and told Die he'd be waiting there for him from seven till nine after school. He didn't dare to write 'I love you' as it would have sounded totally unbelievable, and so he just settled for a more formal 'yours Kaoru'.
It sounded so formal that the redhead could feel his heart stop beating for a moment when he received it. So this was it, the end, and nothing could be done. He was determined to try to work it through though, and it took him only mere seconds to agree on the meeting. He didn't want to wait until that late in the evening though, and decided to go meet the other teenager earlier. So when Kaoru stepped out of his classroom after the last lesson, he was waiting. Die had taken a seat a bit further away in the corridor, trying to pretend he was there by accident.
Knowing that he had some time until he would have to be at the café, Kaoru was the last to leave class and strolled down the corridor without haste. When he spotted the redhead, he froze completely though, his eyes widening a bit in surprise. "Die?!" Quickly, he closed the distance between them, his voice only an intense whisper. "What are you doing here?" He didn't know if this was a good or a bad sign and it made his heart pound madly in his chest. Just standing so close in front of the other one caused flashbacks in his mind, remembrances of shared moments of togetherness.
Being this close and seeing the other teenager made tears well up in the redhead's eyes again but he forced them down and somehow managed to look completely casual as he spoke. "You wanted to talk to me, right? Well here I am." He was even surprised of how calm and collected he sounded, although he was still aching inside.
For a few seconds, the older teen only stared at him in disbelief. "B-but here? Don't you think this isn't exactly the perfect place?" He could still hear the voices of his classmates and didn't remember if the teacher had left the room already or not. He certainly didn't want to discuss something as delicate as his love-life where people could overhear them easily. Finally, he let out a deep sigh and rolled his eyes. "Fine!" Grabbing Die's wrist, he determinedly pulled him along, down the corridor and up to the second floor where the classrooms of the sixth formers were. They had a lounge and if they were lucky, it wouldn't even be locked.
Obediently the younger one followed, trying to suppress the nervousness and the insecurities that were just trying to push their way up again. He bit his teeth harshly together though, forcing himself to calm down and remain determined. The lounge appeared not to be locked, and it was empty naturally now that school was over for the day.
As soon as the door clicked shut behind them Die spoke up, keeping his eyes cast down as he knew the nervousness would be back at a single glance up. "I - I'm sorry. I know that it's important for you to get good grades and be successful and I had no right to demand more attention from you or anything... I didn't want this to happen."
Kaoru was sure that one could hear the weight fall off his shoulders and he dared to take Die's hand into his, bringing it to his cheek. "No, you did have the right. After all, I told you so many times that I love you and I should have acted more like it too. I'm so sorry. Please, please just forget what I said. I didn't mean a word. I know you didn't fool around, but I was just so- so jealous just thinking of all the girls who have a crush on you. And then I thought about the time in the hut and it all kept on adding up and made me think I ain't what you want anymore."
He fell silent, gazing at the redhead who still kept his eyes on the floor. Somehow, it felt oddly good to just get everything out, to be honest and say what had bothered him so much. Besides, Die still didn't yank his hand free and the warm touch made his heart flutter in a totally different way than the nervousness from before.
Slowly Die raised his gaze, meeting the other teen's eyes finally. There was something much like relief written across his features and he couldn't keep a small smile from tugging the corners of his mouth. "But you really are all I want." The words were honest, coming straight from the bottom of his heart. "I - I wasn't ready to go all the way back then. I didn't mean to freak out but I just was too nervous and then couldn't. But I really want you." He underlined the words even by stepping closer until their bodies were almost touching. "In every sense of the word."
All the older teen could do was to stare down the redhead's black eyes, the look he found there causing his throat to dry up. Everything had been said and although there were still things that would have to be discussed, he knew that everything would turn out well for them now. "And I do love you. More than my studies." Carefully, he leaned in and brushed his lips across his boyfriend’s, sighing deeply at their softness. Before this could become a real kiss, he pulled back again though. "Just know you can always stop me. It wasn't that it bothered me at that moment," he tried to explain. "It was only that afterwards I had so many doubts."
"I know," Die nodded, as he had understood the explanation earlier already and he knew what had gone through the other teen, at least mostly. Only a whispered 'I love you' had the time to escape his lips anymore before he initiated a deep kiss, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's neck to keep him close. The contact was the last thing that convinced him, made him realize that he truly didn't want anything else than this.
It caused Kaoru's knees to go weak and he felt like either falling down or then like flying through the air weightlessly. Why did they have to argue at all when everything seemed to be so easy, when all he could have ever wanted was right there in his arms? Slowly, he allowed his palms to slide down the redhead's back, pulling him as close to himself as possible. Being in love was a wonderful feeling, but the knowledge to be loved back was better, outweighed everything else he had ever gone through.
The kiss had something even a bit desperate in it, and when it broke they initiated another one straight away. It was as if the contact was vital after being apart for those days, something they needed as a reassurance that nothing had really changed between them. It evolved into a whole series of kisses, neither of them willing to let go, until they were finally forced to catch their breaths, their foreheads still touching as they kept on gazing straight at each other's eyes. Finally, Die was the one who spoke up, his voice somewhat breathless. "I mean it. I really want you."
The words made a forceful shiver run down the smaller teen's back and he tilted his head a bit. "Like now?" He knew he probably sounded and looked utterly dumb, but he couldn't help it. Did Die mean he wanted to do it right there, in this room where somebody could barge in any second theoretically? The thought alone caused a nervous feeling somewhere in the pits of his stomach, but also made his heart beat a bit faster than it had done already.
A small chuckle escaped the younger one and he nodded. He hadn't really thought about it before but now the idea did sound tempting. It wouldn't leave him more time to think about it, nor time to freak out. So he nodded. "Yeah." Afterwards he pulled his boyfriend into another deep kiss.
Together, they were moving to the small couch that occupied a corner of the room and although Kaoru was dead nervous, he had similar thoughts as his boyfriend. A huge weight would be taken off them, the tension and anxiety about how the first time would be would make them more relaxed probably. As a sign that he agreed, he brushed Die's light jacket off his shoulders, instantly moving his fingers to the hem of his shirt.
Die didn't resist, quite the contrary was trying to help the older teen the best he could to get rid of their shirts. As soon as the garments were discarded to the floor he initiated a deep kiss, partly to distract himself from the nervousness that was welling up inside of him. When the back of his legs hit the couch he allowed himself to fall down on it, pulling his boyfriend after him so that they didn't need to break the kiss.
Their hearts were beating like mad and Kaoru could swear he could feel the other one's against his chest while his own seemed to beat in his throat. He still had the condoms and the lube in his backpack, but that thing had been dropped in the middle of the room right after their first kiss. Right at that moment, he didn't bother though, only enjoyed to feel his boyfriend's body move against his own, feel his hands roam all over his back and his breath tickle his face. It was enough to cause the heat to gather in his groin already, the nervousness making way for desire at least partly.
Although nervous the younger man could feel the heat devolve on his being, truly wanting more of the closeness, more of his boyfriend. Right now he was able to push back the nervousness, even so much that he wondered why he had freaked out like that the first time they had tried to go through with it. His hands were trembling slightly as he moved to undo the button of the other teen's pants, in an attempt to get rid of them.
Before that could happen, Kaoru had to get up and used the moment to get his backpack. Giving Die a short kiss, he whispered. "A sec. I- I need to get something." Quickly, he snatched the bag, his pants open already, and went back to his boyfriend, dropping the two needed items on his belly. Before he got back on the couch, he opened Die's pants as well though and used the moment to get rid of them completely.
There was a flutter of nervousness inside the redhead and he had to hold his breath for a moment. But after having the other teen close to himself again he calmed down at least somewhat, pulling him into a deep kiss again. Somehow those seemed to calm him down, made the heat replace the insecurity and made him yearn for more. Without breaking the contact, Kaoru worked to rid himself of his jeans until they could be discarded to the floor. The fact that they weren't exactly safe there, that somebody could easily walk in on them, didn't even cross his mind anymore as every thought seemed to be drowned out by want, need and nervousness.
This time, he managed to open the lube without problems and poured some in his hand. That was the point where Die looked away, not wanting to get even more nervous than he already was. When he felt a finger slide inside of him it caused a similar odd feeling than the last time, but this time he managed to stay calm and not to just freak out randomly. He took a few deep breaths, trying to force himself to relax.
The older teen tried his best to calm him, planting a bunch of feathery kisses all over his boyfriend's neck and shoulder, even using his teeth boldly as he had found out that Die did like that, made small agreeing sounds. As if rushed, the tension inside and between them needing a channel out, he quickly inserted a second finger, stretching the passage for him as beest as possible, to prepare Die while hoping that it wouldn't cause him more pain than necessary. Still, Kaoru was inexperienced with this and soon withdrew his digits again.
Breathing heavily from arousal, he asked. "Can I enter now?" It didn't even occur to him that this was somewhat unromantic as all he could focus on was the burning need in his loins and the want to get it over with somewhat. Die took a deep breath, directing his gaze at the older teen and trying to manage a smile at him. Here it goes, he wouldn't get more ready than this and he nodded. "Yeah. Take it slow at first?" he practically pleaded, but deep down inside knew that the other teen loved him and wouldn't intentionally hurt him.
A faint smile ghosted across Kaoru's lips and he nodded, leaning in to give his boyfriend a short, but sweet kiss. "Of course," he whispered and while he spoke, already positioned himself at the entrance. It was hard to push inside, the tight ring of muscles trying to prevent any kind of intrusion and he had to use more force than intended. The tightness around his arousal caused his head to spin and his mind to blur and all he was hoping was that it felt at least acceptable for Die because he wouldn't want to just pull away again.
A small strangled cry of pain escaped the younger one as the searing pain seemed to shoot up from his lower back and invade every single molecule of his being. He tried to calm down, to relax and to concentrate on the closeness, doing everything he could to force the pain away. Grabbing Kaoru's head he pulled him into a deep kiss, trying to distract himself with it. The sound sent a cold shiver down Kaoru's spine and he instantly stopped all his movements, giving the other one time to get used to him. After a few seconds though, he began to move tentatively, unable to hold back completely. Besides, he was hoping to do it the right way to cause Die pleasure too, to make it good for him as well.
Slowly Die was relaxing and it was getting easier, until he didn't feel like dying anymore. The pain was still present, and he had to bite the insides of his cheeks to stifle the whimpers that were trying to escape him. But it was at least getting easier and that gave him hope that it would get better eventually, that the pain would go away. At one point, the older teen seemed to remember that he should offer more to take his boyfriend's mind of the pain. He had noticed how tense Die was, but believed it was getting better already. Carefully, he brought his hand between them, taking a hold of the other teen’s length. Somehow he was disappointed when he realized that Die was only half erect as he somehow had believed this should be so good for both of them to get off.
Probably it would have been if this hadn't been the first time for them, especially for the redhead, and he simply hadn't been prepared for this despite all. He hadn't expected so much pain, and as it had come unexpectedly it caused him to tense up even more and that resulted in the pain becoming more as well. The touch distracted Die from the hurting though, and a low moan escaped him as the first sound after the pained cry from before. The heat was returning into his being and while the pain hadn't gone away it was more bearable right now.
Everything was so new for both of them and the tightness made Kaoru almost go insane. He was grunting, picking up the pace of his thrusts as much of his ministrations on the redhead's arousal. It didn't need much more for him and he could already feel the certain tickling feeling in his lower body, predicting the orgasm. When it hit him, he squeezed his eyes shut, stilled for a few seconds and only concentrated on the bliss washing through his whole being.
Remaining inside, he kept on working Die's arousal, kissed the sensitive spot behind his ear and just hoped it was good enough to push him over the edge too. For a moment Die thought that he would be left hanging and that it wouldn't be enough to get him there too. But the touches on his arousal, the closeness and the shared warmth managed to make him forget about the experienced pain completely and it didn't take long before he was pushed high enough. The climax hit him and an almost relieved groan accompanied it as he arched off the couch while releasing himself.
Kaoru kept on stroking him slowly while he used the moment to carefully pull away from him. Somehow this hadn't been as he had expected, but it still had been good. Quickly, he got rid of the condom, knotted it and dropped it to the floor. Only when their gazes met, he smiled faintly, leaned down and gave Die a gentle kiss. "Did it hurt you very much?" he asked, somehow sensing that something had been utterly wrong.
The younger one swallowed hard, smiling at the other and shook his head a bit. "Don't worry about it." He tried to play it down, trying his best to convince both of them that it hadn't been such a big deal. "The beginning was only weird, it was the first time and all..."
The words caused the nagging voice in Kaoru's head to hush and made him smile wider. "Yeah. For me too." He didn't only mean that it had been his first time with a guy, but his first time in general although he couldn't help thinking that Die didn't realize it. After exchanging another short kiss, he got up and rummaged through his backpack until he had found a package of paper tissues, using one to first wipe Die clean and then cleaned his own belly from his boyfriend's release.
Knowing that moving would probably cause Die an uncomfortable feeling in his lower back, he tried to be as attentive as he could, gathered his clothes and even helped him getting dressed again before putting on clothes himself. "I think it's better if we don't stay here," he explained, smiling apologetically. Sadly, he didn't even have enough time to seek their hideout and he felt utterly bad just because he couldn't hold the other one longer, couldn't cuddle with him and tell him how much this had meant to him.
Right now the redhead didn't mind though, being as happy as a person can get. He sneaked his arms around Kaoru's neck to give him a long kiss, thanking him wordlessly for everything. While the actual sex-part hadn't been perfect for him, the way how he was being taken care of now made him feel utterly good and loved. Kaoru wouldn't have needed to shower him with affection like that but he did it nevertheless, and that meant a lot to Die, all those nice small gestures.
He walked Die home even and they just stood in the garden for a long moment, looking at each other silently. After what had felt like an eternity, Kaoru spoke up, his voice low and a bit insecure. "We... we see tomorrow?" he asked, sounding almost shy. "I can skip this one tutoring lesson and we could be alone and talk." Despite that this sounded utterly fishy, he really meant it; for the first time thinking they really would have to talk.
The offer made Die smile, but he shook his head a bit, leaning in to steal a quick kiss. "You don't need to skip it because of me. After all, you've promised to be there, right?" He brought his hand up to touch the other teen's cheek softly, trying to make his smile as convincing and secure as possible. "We have plenty of time to talk later. I'm just glad to have you back." The latter statement came straight from his heart.
One could see how Kaoru grit his teeth, how he had to swallow against the rising lump in his throat. "I- I'm glad to have you back too." Suddenly, he hugged the taller teen tight, completely forgetting that Die's mother only needed to cast a glance through the kitchen-window to see them. "So we meet on Friday then?" That was three days away, but for some reason it didn't even bother him.
After releasing the redhead from his grasp, he took his hands into his and looked him in the eyes. "You have fun. And I mean it. Go and party for the both of us. Fuck, even dance with the girls but just don't forget about me and don't think I wouldn't love you, okay?"
"Kaoru... I would never forget you. I'll be counting hours until we see again!" Die chuckled a bit as he really meant it, would be counting hours until Friday when they could see again finally. He had no words for how much it meant to him to hear those words from the older one, especially since he knew how much he meant them. "I love you."
"I love you too." Kaoru smiled, then pecked Die's lips and even slapped his butt a bit. Suddenly, he felt so light as if all his troubles, all his fears and problems had vanished into nothingness and he felt like dancing. Before he closed the gate that led to the street, he turned around once again and smiled at his boyfriend widely. But then he hurried home, although he knew he wouldn't manage to sleep at all, he would have to try at least.
The younger teen even raised his hand to wave a bit to the other one. Only when Kaoru had disappeared out of sight he finally turned around to go inside. He couldn't deny that every step hurt and his lower back was like on fire, but he tried to look casual and normal. And the moment afterwards had already made him feel more than good, and he thought inwardly that the pain was worth it.
Author:
seinen_no and fonulynRating: NC17
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: Kaoru is the most popular guy at the whole school, the student council and a straight A student, leading a life that most people consider perfect and flawless. Die is a happy-go-lucky, lazy average student who more likes to concentrate on enjoying life rather than giving all of his time for studying. When the latter is about to fail physics amongst some other subjects, the former is hired to give him private lessons. The boys don’t exactly like each other to begin with though…
Comments:
seinen_no: Again I'm forced to give my comment here, but what am I to say? This is at least a loooong chapter XD I like it quite much, like the tension and if you wonder about the title, I've been humming "Rose garden" while correcting it (and then I had that song in my head all day). So that's what I want to give to you along to this chapter"I beg your pardon. I never promised you a rose garden. Along with the sunshine. There's gotta be a little rain sometimes."
I think that says it all^^ Enjoy and dears, thank you all so much for your nice comments. Really makes us happy.
fonulyn: This is a chappie that never fails to get me all emotional. But I’m just pathetic like that XD Anyways, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! I just can’t help but to feel with the boys, laugh when they laugh and cry when they cry x) But I’ll shush now and let you to it^^And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Plus, the archive .
Previously happened: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7
Sadly, the free day passed by all too fast, but the two teenagers made the most of it. They knew that the time afterwards would be hard; giving up on the closeness again and not be able to see each other as much as they would have wanted. Although he was usually very controlled, Kaoru caught himself staring out of the window at class more than once, thinking about his redheaded boyfriend.
He knew that Die wanted to meet as much as he himself, but that didn't change the fact that he was missing him badly. The worse thing was that he heard a lot of rumors going on about the other teen, about how he had been making out with some girl at a wild party the other day or how he had been caught drinking coffee with some beautiful long-legged blonde.
Although he knew it wasn't much likely, those rumors didn't help Kaoru to keep up the unflappable trust he had in Die and it got the first scratches. It was hard to keep up his façade as, whenever he heard a new rumor, he wanted to shout in the gossiper's face that this wasn't possible because HE was with the redhead, HE was his boyfriend.
The rumors were partly true, seeing that Die did party a lot and was hanging out with some other friends too than only Kyo to kill time whenever he couldn't meet his boyfriend. But he didn't go around hitting on girls, or other boys at that, so that side of the rumors was completely made up. Die was getting more and more frustrated about the little amount of time they were allowed to spend together though.
On several occasions it happened that his parents forced him to go somewhere with them just when he would've had the chance for some quality time with Kaoru, but that couldn't be helped. So he was clinging more or less desperately to the few short moments they got for themselves.
It began to become awkward between them even when they had time to meet. They both forced the feeling down though, because they knew they only had little time to share and didn't want to waste it by arguing. That caused the tension between them to grow until Kaoru was hardly able to control his jealousy.
Whenever Die told him about a party, even about some girls who had tried to force him to dance, his expression became petrified and no matter that he knew deep down inside that his boyfriend was faithful to him, he felt like slapping him. He simply didn't want to hear about those things, wanted to shut them out of their perfect little world, but at one point, he couldn't do that anymore. Time and time again, he saw Die how he told him to stop, how he told him he was scared and right now, it was Kaoru who became afraid that Die could have found out he didn't fall for guys after all, that he didn't fall for HIM.
Die didn't realize that Kaoru was feeling like that. He noticed the tension and it bothered him that they weren't as comfortable around each other as they used to be before. Whenever tension occurred, he tried to cover it by babbling, mostly about some party where he had been since those were the first things that came into his mind, and he was totally unaware that it only caused things to get worse.
One evening, they didn't have enough time to go to their hideout and thus stayed at Kaoru's place as his parents had gone to some official dinner, the older teen's mind had been travelling off for some time already and he didn't even listen to Die's stories anymore. Suddenly, he said. "You seem to have a lot of fun without me." It sounded harsher than intended, but he didn't realize it and just continued.
"You know, if you don't want this anymore, you can tell me. Really, I understand if you found out it's too much to ask of you to be with a guy, to be with me." He turned to look at the redhead, his eyes glistening with a mixture of defiance, serenity and coldness. Only if one knew how to look for it, one could see that in reality this was only a wall he had built for self-protection, that in reality he was afraid and insecure.
Inwardly, he was hoping for Die to tell him he was the only one, that he wouldn't ever want something else, but Kaoru also knew that he was the first person with whom Die had had sexual experiences despite his reputation, and he feared that the other one had now found out he wanted to try other things too.
It took a moment for Die to even realize what had been said, as this had come so totally out of the blue. At first all he could manage was a highly intelligent "What?" along with a dumbfounded expression. As it sunk into his brains though, he instantly frowned seriously. "I never said I don't want to be with you! NEVER! I'm just trying to keep myself busy so that I'm not dying of boredom while you have more important things to attend than me." He didn't mean to spit the words out quite as harshly as he did, but the built up tension was just too much and he snapped before being able to hold back.
That hit where it hurt as Kaoru was very well aware of the truth in those words. Yet, it only managed to make him angrier and he jumped up from his chair. "I'm sorry that I can't keep the little princess company all the time, but damnit Die, you KNEW before that I had to attend summer school. I applied before we even met each other. And you know I want to go to Todai. I need the good grades or I won't ever make it." He glared at the redhead. "And if keeping yourself busy means making out with random girls, then maybe I don't want you to want to be with me anymore!"
If the younger teenager hadn't been furious before, that did the trick easily and one could see it in the dangerous sparkle that appeared in his eyes. "When the fuck did you start believing everything that's told!?" He was clenching his fists, trying to calm down at least remotely. "I've NEVER made out with random girls after we got together, hell, I hardly ever did it before even! Are you going to believe ME or those RUMOURS now? Your choice, but if you choose the rumors then I'm out of here and you don't ever have to see me again. I bet you'd like that, huh? Your grades were always more important to you anyways!"
The last comment was like a stab to Kaoru's heart as he really felt like he had let the redhead down, hadn't succeeded in making him see how important he really was to him although he had to work hard to get a good exam. For a long moment, he only stared at the taller teen, unable to process what he had just said and what was going on in his own mind. He didn't believe the rumors, didn't want to believe them and yet he had been hoping that Die would manage to take the fears away from him, the insecurities.
For some reason though, the other one had managed to do the complete opposite and that caused the blood to rush through Kaoru's veins as anger stirred inside him. "Like that? It was ME who always has to rush to meet you, because _I_ can't allow myself to lie on the couch and just be lazy. And you tell me I might like if you left? You know what?" His voice grew louder, was high-pitched and sounded oddly strange in his own ears. "You are right! When you're gone, I can finally take a breath in between and wouldn't always be in a hurry. Then I could just do whatever _I_ want!"
After the words had left his mouth, something inside him hurt so much, and he could literally feel his heart break. Never in his whole life had he gone through something like that, but he knew that it was over, that Die would leave him for good. Everything had just gone wrong and no matter what he said now, he knew it wouldn't make things better again, couldn't repair what had been broken.
The younger teen was just staring at the other from wide eyes for a long moment, not knowing how to react to that. It felt like an eternity although in reality it were only seconds, before he finally found his voice back. "If I'm being such a burden why didn't you say something earlier? You just led me on and made me believe you loved me although apparently it was all just an act!" He was furious again, but at the same time it felt like someone had taken a hold of his heart and was squeezing until it hurt more than anything had hurt before in his life.
There was a lump in his throat and speaking was hard but he forced the words out despite his voice breaking. "You have no fucking clue how stupid it makes me feel, to spend a week after another just waiting for you all days when obviously you were just hoping for me to leave you alone. Well fuck you! I'm not going to waste a single second anymore hoping you'd love me back." At the exact second when the last word had left his lips he turned on his heels, storming out of the room.
"Fuck!" Kaoru fell onto his bed, face first and buried his head underneath a cushion. He hadn't intended on hurting Die. He loved him for Christ's sake, so why should he want him to leave? But he had said just that a few seconds ago and now it made him feel like scum, like the biggest jerk on earth. Never would he have believed that love could hurt so much, but it did and even the tears that were leaving his eyes didn't manage to mend his broken heart. How had this begun; how had it come this far? Unable to move nor to breathe freely anymore, he just stayed where he was, thinking and crying until he was exhausted and drifted off into an uneasy sleep.
The redhead ran straight out of the house and into the street, not looking where he headed. Stubborn tears were flowing down his cheeks and caused his vision to blur until he didn't even see where he was going. Still he kept on running until his lungs were burning in the need for oxygen, until his legs simply didn't carry him anymore. Wordlessly he collapsed beside the nearest wall, crying out his heart's content uncontrollably. He had buried his face into his palms, curled up into a ball and he didn't even notice the glances a random passer-by threw his way. His world had just come to an end and he didn't care he was crying like a girl, he simply felt so hurt, so betrayed and so alone.
The next day, Kaoru acted like a robot, showered, got dressed and went to school like he was supposed to. But he felt like an empty shell, as if the thing that made life worth living had been sucked out of him and only left emptiness behind. Whenever he allowed his mind to wander, tears began to fill his eyes and he had to fight them down not to attract the attention of his fellow students.
The only question that was nagging him was if he could ever make it up to Die again, if he could make him believe that he did love him. That was his only wish. Throughout all the days they couldn't meet, he had been keeping up his good humor by just imagining how it'd be once they saw, how Die's eyes would sparkle, how he would smile at him. All that was gone now; there was no Die waiting for him tonight although it was one of the days where he didn't have anything to do after school and although it would've been for a few hours only, they still would've made it worth sharing them.
Die on the other hand was totally impossible the next morning. Late at night he had somehow managed to get himself back home and into his own bed, where he had stayed awake for hours still. Tears wouldn't come anymore, not although he felt like choking, like crying would've made him feel better. When he woke up he was more than cranky. He yelled at his little sisters and threw them out of his room, refusing to go down for breakfast and only growled angrily at his mother when she knocked on the door and asked him to let her in. Stubbornly he stayed locked up in his own room, crying or just staring out of the window, thinking of everything that had gone wrong.
When the coast was clear he quickly sneaked out, but very much to his discomfort bumped into his mother on the way. He snapped at her, plainly yelling and finally ran out of the house even slamming the door shut behind himself. The poor woman was totally confused. She had never seen her son like that and had only one plausible explanation; Die must be lovesick. Since she had no idea when he had picked up a girlfriend, she went to her oldest daughter, asking Erika if she knew something about it. Finally, the girl at least admitted that Die indeed was dating someone, but kept quiet about the fact that it was a boy. She didn't like lying to her mother, but also thought that telling her would be Die's business.
At school, Kaoru simply threw his lunch into the garbage and went up to the roof where he would be left in peace and could try to focus. He had reached the point where he was certain he would do anything to make it up to the redheaded teen, would even kneel down in front of him and ask forgiveness. Still, he wasn't sure anymore if everything had only been his fault. Why hadn't Die just told him he loved him and that those rumors were only rumors? Why had he put it so weirdly that had forced Kaoru to act? Anyhow, he didn't care anymore for those things, only tried to come up with the best way how to apologize although he knew he didn't dare to just call the other teen and ask him for a meeting.
At first the redhead had been determined not to bother, had wanted to just forget all about the older teen and go on with his life as before meeting him. But somehow his steps led him to their secret hideout, to the place where they had spent so many hours together just enjoying each other's company. That somehow made his heart cramp and he knew he couldn't just walk away like that. He knew they needed to talk, and he knew he wanted to be with Kaoru still.
The only things stopping him from going to apologize were his pride and his insecurity. He simply felt like it hadn't been all his fault, and on the other hand he wasn't sure where his place was in the other teen's life. He had been so sure about the love between them, but the argument had shook him thoroughly and now he wasn't even sure if the other had ever loved him in the first place as much as he had thought.
Kaoru on the other hand was certain about his feelings for the redhead and only Die's words had made him see that the other one might have not been as secure about them. But he had told him more than once, had shown it with his kisses, his touches and the fact that he indeed had spent every free second with the redhead. It was true that he had gotten too little sleep because of that more than once, that he had been rushing to his boyfriend and although he really had enjoyed every moment with him, he had begun to feel burned out, as if everything tried to eat him up. But before yesterday night, he hadn't even thought about breaking up seriously, more about trying to cut his other duties down to a minimum.
He even had asked himself why he wanted to go to Todai so desperately and if he wasn't making a fool out of himself by trying to emulate his older brother. Die had shown him that there were so many things to enjoy in life, things besides a good reputation, being the teachers' pet and a good son. Things, he had never seen before Die had pointed him at them. It was as if the other teen had become his eyes, his breath of life and now that he was gone, he felt like withering away slowly. If this had been about something else, he wouldn't have had any problems to stand up and apologize like one expected. But Die was important to him, more important than he knew probably and that made it hard to just go to him and admit that he had done a mistake.
It seemed like they were stuck in the situation, neither of them willing to be the first one to apologize, to be the one suggesting a meeting. Although they were both clearly suffering from the current situation. Die had met Kyo only once after the argument with his boyfriend, and that hadn't been exactly the meeting of two best friends. The redhead had been in a bad mood, retreated into his shell until he had snapped at Kyo and had stormed off the place. He felt like that was the only thing he was doing nowadays; running from things.
It made him feel like such a coward but he didn't know what else to do, didn't know how to fix things and how to finally say he was sorry and he shouldn't have been so selfish in his demands. Kaoru's life's pursuit was to get to the best university in the country and who was he to compete with that? If he really loved the older teen, wouldn't it mean he should allow him to make studying top priority?
At first, Kyo had been angry because of Die's act, but when he had thought about it afterwards, he had come to the conclusion that there must have been something that had caused his crankiness. So he had shown up at Kaoru's place, ignoring the glare he had received from his older cousin. Sadly, Kaoru had simply ignored him, no matter what question he had asked or what he had said, his features had remained petrified. Still, he wasn't stupid and counted one and one together. Before he left, all he said was. "I don't think he'd push you away if you ask him for a meeting."
As soon as the words had left his mouth, he went out of there, asking himself if he had committed a mistake by interfering or not. The last words though made Kaoru cry again because he knew Die wouldn't push him away. But what if they met and the other one only told him that it had been a wise idea to break up? What if he had shut off with their relationship already?
Still, the next day, after sleeping one night over it, he sent Die a text message if he would be willing to meet and talk about things again. Kaoru suggested the small café at the other end of town, neutral ground and told Die he'd be waiting there for him from seven till nine after school. He didn't dare to write 'I love you' as it would have sounded totally unbelievable, and so he just settled for a more formal 'yours Kaoru'.
It sounded so formal that the redhead could feel his heart stop beating for a moment when he received it. So this was it, the end, and nothing could be done. He was determined to try to work it through though, and it took him only mere seconds to agree on the meeting. He didn't want to wait until that late in the evening though, and decided to go meet the other teenager earlier. So when Kaoru stepped out of his classroom after the last lesson, he was waiting. Die had taken a seat a bit further away in the corridor, trying to pretend he was there by accident.
Knowing that he had some time until he would have to be at the café, Kaoru was the last to leave class and strolled down the corridor without haste. When he spotted the redhead, he froze completely though, his eyes widening a bit in surprise. "Die?!" Quickly, he closed the distance between them, his voice only an intense whisper. "What are you doing here?" He didn't know if this was a good or a bad sign and it made his heart pound madly in his chest. Just standing so close in front of the other one caused flashbacks in his mind, remembrances of shared moments of togetherness.
Being this close and seeing the other teenager made tears well up in the redhead's eyes again but he forced them down and somehow managed to look completely casual as he spoke. "You wanted to talk to me, right? Well here I am." He was even surprised of how calm and collected he sounded, although he was still aching inside.
For a few seconds, the older teen only stared at him in disbelief. "B-but here? Don't you think this isn't exactly the perfect place?" He could still hear the voices of his classmates and didn't remember if the teacher had left the room already or not. He certainly didn't want to discuss something as delicate as his love-life where people could overhear them easily. Finally, he let out a deep sigh and rolled his eyes. "Fine!" Grabbing Die's wrist, he determinedly pulled him along, down the corridor and up to the second floor where the classrooms of the sixth formers were. They had a lounge and if they were lucky, it wouldn't even be locked.
Obediently the younger one followed, trying to suppress the nervousness and the insecurities that were just trying to push their way up again. He bit his teeth harshly together though, forcing himself to calm down and remain determined. The lounge appeared not to be locked, and it was empty naturally now that school was over for the day.
As soon as the door clicked shut behind them Die spoke up, keeping his eyes cast down as he knew the nervousness would be back at a single glance up. "I - I'm sorry. I know that it's important for you to get good grades and be successful and I had no right to demand more attention from you or anything... I didn't want this to happen."
Kaoru was sure that one could hear the weight fall off his shoulders and he dared to take Die's hand into his, bringing it to his cheek. "No, you did have the right. After all, I told you so many times that I love you and I should have acted more like it too. I'm so sorry. Please, please just forget what I said. I didn't mean a word. I know you didn't fool around, but I was just so- so jealous just thinking of all the girls who have a crush on you. And then I thought about the time in the hut and it all kept on adding up and made me think I ain't what you want anymore."
He fell silent, gazing at the redhead who still kept his eyes on the floor. Somehow, it felt oddly good to just get everything out, to be honest and say what had bothered him so much. Besides, Die still didn't yank his hand free and the warm touch made his heart flutter in a totally different way than the nervousness from before.
Slowly Die raised his gaze, meeting the other teen's eyes finally. There was something much like relief written across his features and he couldn't keep a small smile from tugging the corners of his mouth. "But you really are all I want." The words were honest, coming straight from the bottom of his heart. "I - I wasn't ready to go all the way back then. I didn't mean to freak out but I just was too nervous and then couldn't. But I really want you." He underlined the words even by stepping closer until their bodies were almost touching. "In every sense of the word."
All the older teen could do was to stare down the redhead's black eyes, the look he found there causing his throat to dry up. Everything had been said and although there were still things that would have to be discussed, he knew that everything would turn out well for them now. "And I do love you. More than my studies." Carefully, he leaned in and brushed his lips across his boyfriend’s, sighing deeply at their softness. Before this could become a real kiss, he pulled back again though. "Just know you can always stop me. It wasn't that it bothered me at that moment," he tried to explain. "It was only that afterwards I had so many doubts."
"I know," Die nodded, as he had understood the explanation earlier already and he knew what had gone through the other teen, at least mostly. Only a whispered 'I love you' had the time to escape his lips anymore before he initiated a deep kiss, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's neck to keep him close. The contact was the last thing that convinced him, made him realize that he truly didn't want anything else than this.
It caused Kaoru's knees to go weak and he felt like either falling down or then like flying through the air weightlessly. Why did they have to argue at all when everything seemed to be so easy, when all he could have ever wanted was right there in his arms? Slowly, he allowed his palms to slide down the redhead's back, pulling him as close to himself as possible. Being in love was a wonderful feeling, but the knowledge to be loved back was better, outweighed everything else he had ever gone through.
The kiss had something even a bit desperate in it, and when it broke they initiated another one straight away. It was as if the contact was vital after being apart for those days, something they needed as a reassurance that nothing had really changed between them. It evolved into a whole series of kisses, neither of them willing to let go, until they were finally forced to catch their breaths, their foreheads still touching as they kept on gazing straight at each other's eyes. Finally, Die was the one who spoke up, his voice somewhat breathless. "I mean it. I really want you."
The words made a forceful shiver run down the smaller teen's back and he tilted his head a bit. "Like now?" He knew he probably sounded and looked utterly dumb, but he couldn't help it. Did Die mean he wanted to do it right there, in this room where somebody could barge in any second theoretically? The thought alone caused a nervous feeling somewhere in the pits of his stomach, but also made his heart beat a bit faster than it had done already.
A small chuckle escaped the younger one and he nodded. He hadn't really thought about it before but now the idea did sound tempting. It wouldn't leave him more time to think about it, nor time to freak out. So he nodded. "Yeah." Afterwards he pulled his boyfriend into another deep kiss.
Together, they were moving to the small couch that occupied a corner of the room and although Kaoru was dead nervous, he had similar thoughts as his boyfriend. A huge weight would be taken off them, the tension and anxiety about how the first time would be would make them more relaxed probably. As a sign that he agreed, he brushed Die's light jacket off his shoulders, instantly moving his fingers to the hem of his shirt.
Die didn't resist, quite the contrary was trying to help the older teen the best he could to get rid of their shirts. As soon as the garments were discarded to the floor he initiated a deep kiss, partly to distract himself from the nervousness that was welling up inside of him. When the back of his legs hit the couch he allowed himself to fall down on it, pulling his boyfriend after him so that they didn't need to break the kiss.
Their hearts were beating like mad and Kaoru could swear he could feel the other one's against his chest while his own seemed to beat in his throat. He still had the condoms and the lube in his backpack, but that thing had been dropped in the middle of the room right after their first kiss. Right at that moment, he didn't bother though, only enjoyed to feel his boyfriend's body move against his own, feel his hands roam all over his back and his breath tickle his face. It was enough to cause the heat to gather in his groin already, the nervousness making way for desire at least partly.
Although nervous the younger man could feel the heat devolve on his being, truly wanting more of the closeness, more of his boyfriend. Right now he was able to push back the nervousness, even so much that he wondered why he had freaked out like that the first time they had tried to go through with it. His hands were trembling slightly as he moved to undo the button of the other teen's pants, in an attempt to get rid of them.
Before that could happen, Kaoru had to get up and used the moment to get his backpack. Giving Die a short kiss, he whispered. "A sec. I- I need to get something." Quickly, he snatched the bag, his pants open already, and went back to his boyfriend, dropping the two needed items on his belly. Before he got back on the couch, he opened Die's pants as well though and used the moment to get rid of them completely.
There was a flutter of nervousness inside the redhead and he had to hold his breath for a moment. But after having the other teen close to himself again he calmed down at least somewhat, pulling him into a deep kiss again. Somehow those seemed to calm him down, made the heat replace the insecurity and made him yearn for more. Without breaking the contact, Kaoru worked to rid himself of his jeans until they could be discarded to the floor. The fact that they weren't exactly safe there, that somebody could easily walk in on them, didn't even cross his mind anymore as every thought seemed to be drowned out by want, need and nervousness.
This time, he managed to open the lube without problems and poured some in his hand. That was the point where Die looked away, not wanting to get even more nervous than he already was. When he felt a finger slide inside of him it caused a similar odd feeling than the last time, but this time he managed to stay calm and not to just freak out randomly. He took a few deep breaths, trying to force himself to relax.
The older teen tried his best to calm him, planting a bunch of feathery kisses all over his boyfriend's neck and shoulder, even using his teeth boldly as he had found out that Die did like that, made small agreeing sounds. As if rushed, the tension inside and between them needing a channel out, he quickly inserted a second finger, stretching the passage for him as beest as possible, to prepare Die while hoping that it wouldn't cause him more pain than necessary. Still, Kaoru was inexperienced with this and soon withdrew his digits again.
Breathing heavily from arousal, he asked. "Can I enter now?" It didn't even occur to him that this was somewhat unromantic as all he could focus on was the burning need in his loins and the want to get it over with somewhat. Die took a deep breath, directing his gaze at the older teen and trying to manage a smile at him. Here it goes, he wouldn't get more ready than this and he nodded. "Yeah. Take it slow at first?" he practically pleaded, but deep down inside knew that the other teen loved him and wouldn't intentionally hurt him.
A faint smile ghosted across Kaoru's lips and he nodded, leaning in to give his boyfriend a short, but sweet kiss. "Of course," he whispered and while he spoke, already positioned himself at the entrance. It was hard to push inside, the tight ring of muscles trying to prevent any kind of intrusion and he had to use more force than intended. The tightness around his arousal caused his head to spin and his mind to blur and all he was hoping was that it felt at least acceptable for Die because he wouldn't want to just pull away again.
A small strangled cry of pain escaped the younger one as the searing pain seemed to shoot up from his lower back and invade every single molecule of his being. He tried to calm down, to relax and to concentrate on the closeness, doing everything he could to force the pain away. Grabbing Kaoru's head he pulled him into a deep kiss, trying to distract himself with it. The sound sent a cold shiver down Kaoru's spine and he instantly stopped all his movements, giving the other one time to get used to him. After a few seconds though, he began to move tentatively, unable to hold back completely. Besides, he was hoping to do it the right way to cause Die pleasure too, to make it good for him as well.
Slowly Die was relaxing and it was getting easier, until he didn't feel like dying anymore. The pain was still present, and he had to bite the insides of his cheeks to stifle the whimpers that were trying to escape him. But it was at least getting easier and that gave him hope that it would get better eventually, that the pain would go away. At one point, the older teen seemed to remember that he should offer more to take his boyfriend's mind of the pain. He had noticed how tense Die was, but believed it was getting better already. Carefully, he brought his hand between them, taking a hold of the other teen’s length. Somehow he was disappointed when he realized that Die was only half erect as he somehow had believed this should be so good for both of them to get off.
Probably it would have been if this hadn't been the first time for them, especially for the redhead, and he simply hadn't been prepared for this despite all. He hadn't expected so much pain, and as it had come unexpectedly it caused him to tense up even more and that resulted in the pain becoming more as well. The touch distracted Die from the hurting though, and a low moan escaped him as the first sound after the pained cry from before. The heat was returning into his being and while the pain hadn't gone away it was more bearable right now.
Everything was so new for both of them and the tightness made Kaoru almost go insane. He was grunting, picking up the pace of his thrusts as much of his ministrations on the redhead's arousal. It didn't need much more for him and he could already feel the certain tickling feeling in his lower body, predicting the orgasm. When it hit him, he squeezed his eyes shut, stilled for a few seconds and only concentrated on the bliss washing through his whole being.
Remaining inside, he kept on working Die's arousal, kissed the sensitive spot behind his ear and just hoped it was good enough to push him over the edge too. For a moment Die thought that he would be left hanging and that it wouldn't be enough to get him there too. But the touches on his arousal, the closeness and the shared warmth managed to make him forget about the experienced pain completely and it didn't take long before he was pushed high enough. The climax hit him and an almost relieved groan accompanied it as he arched off the couch while releasing himself.
Kaoru kept on stroking him slowly while he used the moment to carefully pull away from him. Somehow this hadn't been as he had expected, but it still had been good. Quickly, he got rid of the condom, knotted it and dropped it to the floor. Only when their gazes met, he smiled faintly, leaned down and gave Die a gentle kiss. "Did it hurt you very much?" he asked, somehow sensing that something had been utterly wrong.
The younger one swallowed hard, smiling at the other and shook his head a bit. "Don't worry about it." He tried to play it down, trying his best to convince both of them that it hadn't been such a big deal. "The beginning was only weird, it was the first time and all..."
The words caused the nagging voice in Kaoru's head to hush and made him smile wider. "Yeah. For me too." He didn't only mean that it had been his first time with a guy, but his first time in general although he couldn't help thinking that Die didn't realize it. After exchanging another short kiss, he got up and rummaged through his backpack until he had found a package of paper tissues, using one to first wipe Die clean and then cleaned his own belly from his boyfriend's release.
Knowing that moving would probably cause Die an uncomfortable feeling in his lower back, he tried to be as attentive as he could, gathered his clothes and even helped him getting dressed again before putting on clothes himself. "I think it's better if we don't stay here," he explained, smiling apologetically. Sadly, he didn't even have enough time to seek their hideout and he felt utterly bad just because he couldn't hold the other one longer, couldn't cuddle with him and tell him how much this had meant to him.
Right now the redhead didn't mind though, being as happy as a person can get. He sneaked his arms around Kaoru's neck to give him a long kiss, thanking him wordlessly for everything. While the actual sex-part hadn't been perfect for him, the way how he was being taken care of now made him feel utterly good and loved. Kaoru wouldn't have needed to shower him with affection like that but he did it nevertheless, and that meant a lot to Die, all those nice small gestures.
He walked Die home even and they just stood in the garden for a long moment, looking at each other silently. After what had felt like an eternity, Kaoru spoke up, his voice low and a bit insecure. "We... we see tomorrow?" he asked, sounding almost shy. "I can skip this one tutoring lesson and we could be alone and talk." Despite that this sounded utterly fishy, he really meant it; for the first time thinking they really would have to talk.
The offer made Die smile, but he shook his head a bit, leaning in to steal a quick kiss. "You don't need to skip it because of me. After all, you've promised to be there, right?" He brought his hand up to touch the other teen's cheek softly, trying to make his smile as convincing and secure as possible. "We have plenty of time to talk later. I'm just glad to have you back." The latter statement came straight from his heart.
One could see how Kaoru grit his teeth, how he had to swallow against the rising lump in his throat. "I- I'm glad to have you back too." Suddenly, he hugged the taller teen tight, completely forgetting that Die's mother only needed to cast a glance through the kitchen-window to see them. "So we meet on Friday then?" That was three days away, but for some reason it didn't even bother him.
After releasing the redhead from his grasp, he took his hands into his and looked him in the eyes. "You have fun. And I mean it. Go and party for the both of us. Fuck, even dance with the girls but just don't forget about me and don't think I wouldn't love you, okay?"
"Kaoru... I would never forget you. I'll be counting hours until we see again!" Die chuckled a bit as he really meant it, would be counting hours until Friday when they could see again finally. He had no words for how much it meant to him to hear those words from the older one, especially since he knew how much he meant them. "I love you."
"I love you too." Kaoru smiled, then pecked Die's lips and even slapped his butt a bit. Suddenly, he felt so light as if all his troubles, all his fears and problems had vanished into nothingness and he felt like dancing. Before he closed the gate that led to the street, he turned around once again and smiled at his boyfriend widely. But then he hurried home, although he knew he wouldn't manage to sleep at all, he would have to try at least.
The younger teen even raised his hand to wave a bit to the other one. Only when Kaoru had disappeared out of sight he finally turned around to go inside. He couldn't deny that every step hurt and his lower back was like on fire, but he tried to look casual and normal. And the moment afterwards had already made him feel more than good, and he thought inwardly that the pain was worth it.
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Sorry sorry I just had that thought. :P
Awwm I felt like crying in the beginning. *pout* Such teenage angst but then everything got better. :)
Of course sex for the first time in all terms of the words sucks. I mean nervousness the awkwardness yeah first time sucks but it's still special. Awwwwww.
*huggles Kaoru and Die*
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Yeah, the first time always sucks but it will always be remembered too. Aw, and a bit of teenage angst is good unless it has an end too, eh?
Thanks dear, for the nice comment.
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Much drama with their relationship.
You write well.
*waiting on the next chapter* ^^
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Next chap shall come soon.
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but they did more than just taaaalk x) which is brilliant! xD
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I was dreeding that they would breakup =/ but they manage to work it out.
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But hey, of course they can't break up for real. We are way too fond of having them together :D
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I'm so curious ^^"
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I really liked it! They just need practice now *_*
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you bad good-writers... distracting me (deliciously) from my duties XD
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Here it is, their real first time =]This was sweet, even though that kind of first time isn't really glamorous ^^' They just need more experience 8D Especially Die, since it's probably not really pleasant >o< Unless he becomes a masochist xD
Anyway, that was really nice to read, as always <3 =]
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Thank you dear, we're so glad that oyu enjoyed this chap!
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But I shall read it now!
-reads-
God sake... my Dad came in during their smexy time. Which kinda ruined the flow... T_T
But he bought me chocolate pudding! :D
Anyway, Kaoru's back in my good books. Poor Kyo getting shouted at.
And poor Die's bum. -rubs it better-
It's nice to have them argue, as awful as that sounds.
If everything was constantly happy, I'd be worried. xD
You guys are my favourite writers on teh net ^____^
And happy birthday fonulyn (my thingy tells me it's your birthday -shifty eyes-)
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I think too that an argument every now and then is just good XD Keeps things interesting, and there's always the making-up which is good! haha, as long as it ends happily, some angst is good XD
Thank you so much!^^ Glad that you like!
And thank you, again! :D It indeed is my birthday today ;)
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the tension really 'fiuuhhh' (read: they can fix the problem and turn to some sweet-ness
but, I'm worry about Die's mom O_O
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Hm, we will see what happens ;) She will have a big role in the future.
Thank you for reading, dear! And commenting^^