rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 06:04 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 06:04 pm
Entry tags:
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Title: You Are the One
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fonulyn
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Kaoru x Die [Dir en grey]
Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do NOT get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: I staid up till 4 am to finish this and I had to get up at 7 am, so not much sleep for me^^ This is quite long, if you compare it to the other things I’ve written, but it’s still short. I still don’t know why I can’t write longer stories. heh, enjoy^^
You Are the One
“See you tomorrow!” the small vocalist shouted merrily before quickly slipping out of the studio’s door. It was the end of their daily practice and three members of the band had already left home or to do whatever their plans included for that day. Why only three? Both guitarists had been left behind to occupy the now quiet studio, since they’d agreed to go over the newest song. It wasn’t really like there’d been something wrong with the song, but they wanted to try the guitar parts out together before sealing the whole thing with the ‘finished’ mark.
Die was already strumming his guitar, sitting on one of the largest amps. His red hair had fallen on his face and covered his eyes which were locked on the older guitarist’s thin frame, studying the other intensely. Kaoru wiped a rebellious blonde strand out of his face before picking up his guitar and walking to the sitting man. “Okay, shall we start already?” Die only nodded. The lead guitarist’s presence always did this to him. He felt he couldn’t utter a single syllable without revealing too much of what was going on in his mind.
As everyone who’d been talking with Die properly during these past years would’ve guessed, the only thing in the redhead’s mind was his fellow guitarist and bandleader. Kyo knew, Toshiya knew, Shinya knew, half of the staff knew. Still Kaoru, normally being one of the smartest people around, managed to miss the fact that everything in Die’s life circled around the older man. Whenever Kaoru wanted to meet him, whatever Kaoru wanted to do, Die was there and ready to fill even the tiniest one of the lead guitarist’s wishes. It would be safe to say that for years the very meaning of Die’s life had been Kaoru and the feelings he had for the other man.
But did Kaoru mirror those feelings? Not that anyone was aware of. He didn’t have any long relationships, each one he had lasted for only a couple of months at most. However he didn’t show any interest in the redheaded guitarist in any way, if you don’t count the fact that they were best buddies and spending their time together hours almost every day. Die was getting frustrated, but he was too afraid to do anything radical so he just kept on dropping subtle hints to Kaoru who still seemed to be too dense to ever get it.
Back to the studio and the situation at hand. Kaoru seated himself on the floor beside his friend and began to play along the chords of the new song. Die forced himself to concentrate on the sheet of music in front of him, quickly catching up with the song. They played it for several times and made small additions and changes until finally Kaoru felt satisfied. “I think that we’ve got it now, Die.” he announced happily while standing up from the floor. Usually the redhead was much less a perfectionist but he still wasn’t happy with the very beginning of the rhythm parts of the song.
“I don’t now yet, Kao, maybe we should try this one out once more.” Kaoru knitted his eyebrows. He had this beginning headache and he was more than willing to go home already. Maybe a hot meal would be waiting there, if his girlfriend had been in an especially good mood. The only reason he’d even staid in the first place was the fact that working with Die was always more fun than hard work. But the idea of going home for maybe just sleep was too tempting. “But I think it sounds the best the way it is. Let’s just leave it like that. We can still change it if we want later.”
“Whatever you say, leadersan. Leaving early so you can go screw that nympho you’re living with?” The anger which radiated from Die was almost palpable and he clenched his fists nervously. “What?” Kaoru felt horribly confused. What on earth was Die talking about? “I don’t understand how me sleeping with anyone would affect you…” Suddenly he saw the blazing anger fade from Die’s deep eyes and being replaced by sorrow. The redhead’s voice was nothing but a broken whisper when he talked. “That’s right. I have no right to be this way.”
Before Kaoru had time to answer his friend walked out of the door closing it quietly behind himself.
When Kaoru stood alone in the studio, he kept on repeating Die’s words in his head over and over again, trying to get some logic into the whole fiasco. He tried to focus on every possible thing that could’ve been the one causing Die a hard time, but the thought of the other being in love with him never really crossed his mind. He considered the work related stress, tiredness, problems in the family, but nothing really seemed to fit the situation. But one thing he was sure of. There was something bothering Die, and he would find out what it was.
*
Die strolled down the street towards his home, hands in his pockets and deep in thoughts. He had thought that he’d be able to live without being loved by Kaoru, that somehow just seeing the other would be enough. But apparently he had been mistaken. Why was it that Kaoru didn’t realize how much Die loved him? The redhead had thought that the lead guitarist would find out in no time how he was adored, but since years passed by he began to realize that Kaoru just failed to see it all. ‘Maybe I’m just not good enough for him…’ He buried his hands deeper into his pockets and began to walk a little faster. ‘I’m just too stupid and too ugly. Maybe if I lost some weight and re-dyed my hair… Or I could start to read Platon. Maybe then he’d see me.’
Lost deep in his thoughts the redheaded rhythm guitarist continued on his lonely journey towards his own apartment.
*
‘Damn!’ Kaoru cursed in his mind trying to open the door of his apartment while balancing a bag full of groceries between his left hand and his chest. He was really tired and hoped that Omitsu, the girl he’d been living with for a few months, had prepared something to eat. ‘I must be getting old’ he thought, since every day the daily routines seemed to be harder and harder to get done. Finally he managed to open the door and kicked his shoes to the corner before heading to the kitchen. “I’m home!” He put the bag down on the kitchen table. ‘Weird, she’s not responding. Maybe she’s not home.’ His thoughts were proven wrong immediately by a rustling sound from the bedroom. He walked through the living room to the bedroom and opened the door.
Kaoru looked quizzically at the woman he’d been living with and who was now gathering all her belongings into a huge navy-blue suitcase. “I’m leaving. I’ve had enough of this.” The blonde man didn’t quite understand. “Enough of what? I thought…” Omitsu’s voice sounded more high-pitched that ever before when she yelled. “Don’t pretend to be innocent, you bastard! I know. I know all about your dirty little games.” Quickly Kaoru tried to go through all the possible reasons for her to be mad in his head, but he came up with nothing.
“You know, Kao, you talk in your sleep.” Kaoru startled but she didn’t even notice while she was fuming with anger. “You don’t love me anymore because you have another. You love him, you sick faggot!” The lead guitarist still didn’t say a word, he only stared at Omitsu who kept on shoving her clothes into a suitcase and who was still yelling. “I can’t understand how I was so blind! I should’ve guessed, it was there right from the beginning! The way you two guitarists were always hanging on each other.” She raised her tear filled eyes to meet Kaoru’s. “You’ve slept with him too? God, I feel so… That’s so disgusting!”
Slowly Kaoru had begun to understand the situation and her last words made him snap back to reality. “Listen, Omitsu, I haven’t been cheating on you. And definitely not with my best friend.” He tried to keep his voice as steady as possible. Omitsu stopped with her frantic packing and turned to face the man she’d been living with. “Come on, Kaoru. You don’t believe that yourself either. I’ve seen the way you look at him, the way he looks at you. And I can tell you that it’s not just this ‘simple and innocent friendship’ that you pretend it to be.”
“I’ll tell you again that I haven’t done anything, Omitsu…” The blonde man tried pleadingly. “Bullshit! You love that disgusting scarecrow of a man more than me! Just admit that you love him, although he is annoying, ugly and stupid and laughs like a donkey and …” Suddenly she stopped talking when she felt Kaoru grip her shoulder firmly. She stared at the hand on her shoulder unbelievingly before averting her gaze and staring straight into the guitarist’s eyes. “Don’t you dare touch me.” She hissed from between clenched teeth. “Don’t you dare talk about him that way.” Kaoru replied calmly, although only seconds ago he was about to hit the woman in front of him.
Omitsu yanked her arm free and grabbed the suitcase before storming out of the door. Kaoru didn’t make a move to follow her, he just stood there and tried to collect his thoughts and make some sense out of them. He was so confused. He didn’t need these mixed up feelings to complicate his life even more, to make everything harder. He only knew that he somehow didn’t mind that Omitsu left. Some undefined part of him was actually relieved. Kaoru had always wanted to be in control of his own life. When everything was clear and well planned he felt safe, knowing what was coming next. But you can’t plan emotions and relationships. They just come as they are. And that made Kaoru feel uncertain about everything.
But then he realized that these feelings he had were far from confusing. It was quite simple actually. Love was one of the simplest things in this world.
‘Just admit that you love him.’
And then love him.
*
Cold breeze blew and made the colourful leaves of autumn dance around on the asphalt. Die walked slowly towards the rehearsal studio, hands in his pockets and a cigarette between his full lips. He was nervous, and the cig was about his tenth that morning. He hadn’t talked with Kaoru since he stormed off the studio two days earlier and he feared that the older one might be angry with him. ‘I hope this doesn’t make him hate me.’ He flicked off the remains of his cigarette before entering the building. ‘Well, here it goes.’
Die opened the door slowly and took off his jacket before turning to take a look around the room. Kaoru was the only one at the studio. ‘Weird…’ Die thought, not because the bandleader was already there, but because usually everyone else was present too when he arrived. But at least now he was able to apologize properly. He hoped with all the might he had that Kaoru wouldn’t hate his guts now. Of course the other had to be angry after hearing that kind of shouting out of nothing, but hopefully he wasn’t too mad. Carefully he ventured towards the lead guitarist who was sitting on the floor.
“Kao, I just wanted to apologize, about the other day. I didn’t intend to interfere with your personal life and I’m sorry.” Kaoru raised his gaze and interrupted the redhead by raising his hand. “Don’t worry, it’s all forgiven. Honestly, I couldn’t be mad at you, I care too much for you to let things like that bother me for long.” Die flashed his broad smile. He didn’t think he’d been this relieved ever before in his entire life. “So you don’t hate me? I’m really sorry about calling your girlfriend the way I did. I hope you’re happy with her.” The lead guitarist just shrugged. “She dumped me.”
That girl left him? What a fool. Die felt like a huge burden had been lifted off of him. ‘I care too much for you.’ Kaoru had said. But what had he actually meant by that? Was Die hoping for too much?
*
Kaoru had been lost in his thoughts for weeks. He had been so surprised by his own sudden realization that he had only been trying to sort everything out in his head. Now he was quite sure of what he felt for the redheaded guitarist, but he hadn’t figured out yet how to let the other man know about his feelings. It wasn’t that he was afraid, he felt himself surprisingly calm now that he’d admitted everything to himself. So he wasn’t scared, but he wanted it to be real. He wanted to wait for a good situation for his confession and let the whole thing sort itself smoothly. And he certainly didn’t want to make it sound like in some zero-budget romance movies, when both parties cried and shouted their confessions of love before breaking into a stepping number.
It was a sunny afternoon and Toshiya had bugged Kaoru long enough to admit them to finish early. Apparently Shinya had agreed to go somewhere with him since the bouncy bassist dragged him out of the door in a nanosecond. Laughter echoed from the other side of the studio, where Kyo was telling a series of perverted jokes to Die who was placing his guitar in its case. Kaoru approached his laughing bandmates after packing up his own guitar. He was really in a good mood, and so he decided that maybe he could test his luck.
“Die? Could I talk to you for a second?” Die raised his gaze to meet Kaoru’s and nodded still smiling. “Of course. I have always time for our great leadersama.” However, Kaoru didn’t have time to utter a single syllable before Kyo demanded their attention. “I’m gonna hit the road. Have fun you two.” He grinned while putting on his leather jacket. Die snorted with laughter. “Have fun working or at least talking about working? I doubt that.” Kyo just laughed and waved his hand. “You’re too damn lazy, Die.” And with that the vocalist slipped outside, closing the door behind himself. Kaoru noticed that Die’s attention had returned to him. “So, what did you want to talk me about? Did I play even worse than normally today?” His face beamed with a wide grin. “Don’t be an idiot. This has nothing to do with how you play.”
‘Well, here it goes. You never win if you don’t dare take risks.’ Kaoru thought and opened his mouth to speak again. “Want to go out with me?” There, straight to the point. Die looked puzzled. “Out? Like drinking?” Kaoru sighed deeply and tried not to let his nervousness show. “No, idiot. I mean a date. A real date after which we can kiss goodnight and agree to meet again. And maybe…” he let his voice trail off since he realized he might be going a bit too far. Die chuckled. “You seem to have planned everything already.” Kaoru was a bit surprised that Die took the offer so calmly. Maybe he still had hope? He broke into a smile. “Of course. I’m not the leader for nothing.”
*
Kaoru came to pick Die up at seven. The evening was beautiful, so they decided to walk to the restaurant. They ended up wandering around after sharing a meal since Kaoru had no idea what they should do. The Sun had disappeared long ago and the two guitarists walked side by side down the street. Die had shoved his hands tightly into his pockets and stole sideway glances at the bandleader, dwelling deep in his thoughts.
Why had the other man asked him on a date? First Die had thought that since Kaoru just broke up with his girlfriend not so long ago he was just horny and looking for an easy way to get laid. Being the consolation prize wasn’t what the rhythm guitarist wanted with his life, but when it came down to Kaoru he knew that he’d gladly accept any offer the older might throw at him. On the other hand the lead guitarist hadn’t made a single move that would’ve differed from a normal night out with guys. Unless you count that he opened the restaurant’s door for the redhead, but that he might’ve done anyway.
“Die?” A soft voice and a gentle grip on his bicep brought Die back from his thoughts. Kaoru had moved in closer, standing only inches away from the taller one. The redhead didn’t answer, he felt like his throat was so dry that no sound would escape it even if he tried. Instead he raised his left eyebrow and let the other know he was listening. Kaoru looked so irresistible that Die just wanted to kiss him properly. Would he dare to take the chance?
The older man opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by a soft pair of lips on his own. Die leaned in and pressed their mouths even tighter together, needing the closeness of the other man. Kaoru was pleasantly surprised. He moved his hands to Die’s nape and tangled his fingers with the crimson locks. Tentatively he flicked his tongue out tracing the line of the younger man’s upper lip. At first the kiss was a bit nervous, mirroring the slight confusion both men felt, but soon it moved into a deeper and more emotional one as they were like glued together.
Die felt his heart flutter out of joy, love, lust and several other feelings he couldn’t even name. The effect Kaoru had on him was enormous and he wanted more. He needed more, like an addict and couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed when the other pulled away. Kaoru let his fingers brush Die’s cheek slightly. “So…” he began and nervously avoided looking Die in the eye. “…wanna go home?” Die staid silent for a moment and considered the options. Home sure sounded good, but only if the other guitarist was willing to keep him company. “With or without you?” Those two sets of deep eyes looked into each other for few seconds. That was enough. They began to walk back to Die’s apartment, hand in hand, shoulder touching shoulder.
When they finally reached the apartment, Die opened the door quickly, not wanting to give Kaoru too much time so he’d reconsider and decide to leave. He left his shoes beside the door and headed for the living room being followed by the older guitarist. Die looked nervously around and decided to try and play the perfect host. “You want coffee or something?” Kaoru only shook his head. “Oh, okay. Tell me if you need anything.” The redhead watched the soft movements of the lead guitarist as he came closer. “I need you.” Kaoru said in a steady, firm voice before reaching to kiss the other man.
The kiss lasted as long as they both could manage without breath. When they parted, Kaoru let his palm rest against the soft skin of Die’s nape. The redhead’s cheeks were flushed beautifully, and he circled his arms tight around Kaoru’s waist. “Maybe we should take this slow… Not to rush into things…” Kaoru initiated another long kiss before replying. “We should. Never hurts to take things nice and slow. But that doesn’t prevent me from kissing you.” Die chuckled hoarsely. “Not at all.”
*
The bed creaked protesting when two grown men fell onto it the older on top of the younger. Kaoru had taken the leading role straight from the beginning guiding the redhead to move further. He almost ripped the hem of Die’s shirt when he tore it off those broad shoulders. The redhead unbuttoned the older one’s shirt and slid it off kissing the revealing skin. It was the first attempt of sexual interactions with another man for both of them, but it all felt so natural, like they belonged there in each other’s arms.
Kaoru kissed a wet trail across the other’s throat and finished by tugging his earlobe gently. The redhead gasped. ”Do we really have to take this slow?” Kaoru stopped his activities with the redhead’s ear for as long as he needed to reply. “No.” The younger man tilted his head and kissed the other’s neck hastily before suckling on his collarbone. “I mean…” he continued between his hard breaths. “We love each other so it’s no use in waiting, right?” He stopped for a moment and searched for Kaoru’s gaze. “You do love me, don’t you Kao?” The older one was impatiently tugging on the other’s pants. “Of course. Now let me get rid of these jeans.” “Kaoru!” The lead guitarist raised his gaze to meet Die’s and sighed deeply. “Why would I be here if I didn’t? I don’t usually jump into bed with my best friend without a good reason. And being just horny isn’t good enough for a reason.” Die didn’t really feel like arguing at that moment, he wanted the other man so badly, so he decided that answer would do.
The lead guitarist took a firm hold on the other’s waist and slid him further across the already crumpled sheets. He poured wet kisses and licks all over the redhead’s chest at the same time moving his hands down to unbutton his jeans. He slid his hand under the waistband of Die’s boxers and lightly squeezed his butt before sliding off all the garments that were covering that thin frame. Die shivered when he felt cold air hit his skin and his freed arousal and arched his back trying to get closer to the man on top of him. Kaoru wrapped his arms around the other’s torso kissing him passionately. He felt a light tugging on his own trousers as the redhead was trying to uncover his newly found lover too.
Swiftly the older man got rid of his own restricting garments and pressed their bodies together again, both enjoying the sensation of first real skin to skin contact with each other. Kaoru ran his palms all over the smooth flesh of his lover, trying to memorize every curve he found. Die was busy kissing and nibbling the blonde’s neck, chest and shoulders, just about anything he could reach with his lips. It didn’t take long before they both were breathing heavily, painfully needing each other. The lead guitarist still had the other pinned under him and he intended to keep it that way.
After some time Kaoru stopped his actions for a second, looking hesitantly around. “Die? We need something to lubricate if you intend to walk anytime soon.” The redhead sighed. “Can’t you just do it already?” He saw the concerned look on the older one’s face and he immediately had to give in. Whatever Kaoru wanted he would get. “Try the top drawer of the nightstand. I might have some hand lotion there.” The lead guitarist rolled to his side and reached out rummaging through the drawer, finally getting his hands on the small bottle of softening hand lotion.
He uncapped the bottle and rolled back on top of his younger lover. A long open mouthed kiss took place, and the air was filled with the soft noises Die made deep in his throat. One might’ve thought he was singing, judging by the way one sound became after another. Kaoru smiled into the kiss and pulled back a little. He coated his fingers with the hand lotion and looked his lover in the eye. “Die, I’ll warn you. I’ve never done this before so I’m not exactly the most confident man on earth right now.” The redhead only smiled and took Kaoru’s hand guiding it to his entrance. “I trust you.”
The older man slowly inserted two of his fingers and began to move them slowly inside the younger one. Die winced a little, the feeling was odd and somewhat unpleasant at first. But he began to like it more and more as Kaoru stretched him moving his fingers deeper and scissoring them. His panting was increasing and he considered himself ready for action. “Kao, I need you now.” The older one nodded at the whispered words, pulling his fingers out and coating himself with the lotion before positioning on the other’s entrance.
“This is going to hurt a bit, I think.” He whispered and leaned in to capture the redhead’s lips with yet another kiss. Slowly he made his way in to the man lying under him. He almost lost control over himself, the feeling of being inside Die was so incredible, this passion being much more than he had ever dared to even imagine. Die’s fingers tangled into the older man’s hair gripping tightly. Small tears formed in his eyes and he bit his lip before breathing out quietly. “Did you say ‘hurt a bit’? It fucking hurts a lot!” Kaoru halted his movements and looked worriedly at his redhead.
“Does it hurt too much? You want me to stop?” Die tried to relax and breathed in deep for a few times. He felt his body adjusting to the other’s length inside of him and the pain started to fade a little. “No, just make it feel better.” Kaoru still wasn’t completely sure of himself in this new situation, but he pulled back a little and slowly made his way back in. Die was gripping the older man’s shoulders knuckles white, and tried hard to force himself to relax again. Kaoru kept on kissing the redhead’s face and moving gently within him.
Bit by bit Die began to really enjoy the feeling, and when Kaoru hit something inside him that made him lose his vision for a while he forgot that any pain ever existed. He arched his back and pressed himself closer to his lover, meeting his thrusts. The older man brought his hand to the other’s arousal and started stroking it in time with his own movements. They both found their limits soon, not used to pleasure quite like the one they were experiencing in each others embrace, and reached their climaxes almost simultaneously crying out when being brought to release.
Exhausted, Kaoru collapsed on top of Die, nuzzling instantly closer. He pressed soft little kisses below he other’s ear and whispered smiling. “You are the one, you know?” The redhead smiled, happy now that he was lying in the warm embrace he’d been longing for so long. A comfortable silence filled the room, only sounds being their still somewhat breathless sighs. Die closed his arms around the slightly shorter man. He pressed his face into the other’s hair for a short while before leaning back a little and looking fondly at his love.
“Heh, that was something I’ve never done before.” Die chuckled and tousled Kaoru’s blonde strands affectionately. The older one smirked and turned his head so that he could watch the redhead’s face while resting his chin on the other’s chest. “But the important question isn’t whether it was your first time. I’m more interested in if it’ll be your last time as well?” The younger man took on a considering face. “Hmmm, let me think about that... No, I think there’ll be plenty of other times.”
Kaoru closed his eyes and inhaled deeply the scent of his loved one. “That’s good to hear. We still need practice, you know. That was far from perfect. But hey, it was the first time so it’s understandable, isn’t it?” Die formed a pout. “Kaoru… You’re not supposed to say things like that in a moment like this. You just should enjoy the feeling. And not certainly tell the one you just had sex with that he sucked.” The older man kissed the other’s chest. “C’mon, Die, you know I didn’t mean it that way. But I honestly think that we can do better. We can try to develop in that area.” He lifted himself up with his right elbow and gave the other a light peck on the nose. “Although I guess that only being with you is enough for me.”
Author:
fonulynRating: NC17
Pairing: Kaoru x Die [Dir en grey]
Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do NOT get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: I staid up till 4 am to finish this and I had to get up at 7 am, so not much sleep for me^^ This is quite long, if you compare it to the other things I’ve written, but it’s still short. I still don’t know why I can’t write longer stories. heh, enjoy^^
“See you tomorrow!” the small vocalist shouted merrily before quickly slipping out of the studio’s door. It was the end of their daily practice and three members of the band had already left home or to do whatever their plans included for that day. Why only three? Both guitarists had been left behind to occupy the now quiet studio, since they’d agreed to go over the newest song. It wasn’t really like there’d been something wrong with the song, but they wanted to try the guitar parts out together before sealing the whole thing with the ‘finished’ mark.
Die was already strumming his guitar, sitting on one of the largest amps. His red hair had fallen on his face and covered his eyes which were locked on the older guitarist’s thin frame, studying the other intensely. Kaoru wiped a rebellious blonde strand out of his face before picking up his guitar and walking to the sitting man. “Okay, shall we start already?” Die only nodded. The lead guitarist’s presence always did this to him. He felt he couldn’t utter a single syllable without revealing too much of what was going on in his mind.
As everyone who’d been talking with Die properly during these past years would’ve guessed, the only thing in the redhead’s mind was his fellow guitarist and bandleader. Kyo knew, Toshiya knew, Shinya knew, half of the staff knew. Still Kaoru, normally being one of the smartest people around, managed to miss the fact that everything in Die’s life circled around the older man. Whenever Kaoru wanted to meet him, whatever Kaoru wanted to do, Die was there and ready to fill even the tiniest one of the lead guitarist’s wishes. It would be safe to say that for years the very meaning of Die’s life had been Kaoru and the feelings he had for the other man.
But did Kaoru mirror those feelings? Not that anyone was aware of. He didn’t have any long relationships, each one he had lasted for only a couple of months at most. However he didn’t show any interest in the redheaded guitarist in any way, if you don’t count the fact that they were best buddies and spending their time together hours almost every day. Die was getting frustrated, but he was too afraid to do anything radical so he just kept on dropping subtle hints to Kaoru who still seemed to be too dense to ever get it.
Back to the studio and the situation at hand. Kaoru seated himself on the floor beside his friend and began to play along the chords of the new song. Die forced himself to concentrate on the sheet of music in front of him, quickly catching up with the song. They played it for several times and made small additions and changes until finally Kaoru felt satisfied. “I think that we’ve got it now, Die.” he announced happily while standing up from the floor. Usually the redhead was much less a perfectionist but he still wasn’t happy with the very beginning of the rhythm parts of the song.
“I don’t now yet, Kao, maybe we should try this one out once more.” Kaoru knitted his eyebrows. He had this beginning headache and he was more than willing to go home already. Maybe a hot meal would be waiting there, if his girlfriend had been in an especially good mood. The only reason he’d even staid in the first place was the fact that working with Die was always more fun than hard work. But the idea of going home for maybe just sleep was too tempting. “But I think it sounds the best the way it is. Let’s just leave it like that. We can still change it if we want later.”
“Whatever you say, leadersan. Leaving early so you can go screw that nympho you’re living with?” The anger which radiated from Die was almost palpable and he clenched his fists nervously. “What?” Kaoru felt horribly confused. What on earth was Die talking about? “I don’t understand how me sleeping with anyone would affect you…” Suddenly he saw the blazing anger fade from Die’s deep eyes and being replaced by sorrow. The redhead’s voice was nothing but a broken whisper when he talked. “That’s right. I have no right to be this way.”
Before Kaoru had time to answer his friend walked out of the door closing it quietly behind himself.
When Kaoru stood alone in the studio, he kept on repeating Die’s words in his head over and over again, trying to get some logic into the whole fiasco. He tried to focus on every possible thing that could’ve been the one causing Die a hard time, but the thought of the other being in love with him never really crossed his mind. He considered the work related stress, tiredness, problems in the family, but nothing really seemed to fit the situation. But one thing he was sure of. There was something bothering Die, and he would find out what it was.
*
Die strolled down the street towards his home, hands in his pockets and deep in thoughts. He had thought that he’d be able to live without being loved by Kaoru, that somehow just seeing the other would be enough. But apparently he had been mistaken. Why was it that Kaoru didn’t realize how much Die loved him? The redhead had thought that the lead guitarist would find out in no time how he was adored, but since years passed by he began to realize that Kaoru just failed to see it all. ‘Maybe I’m just not good enough for him…’ He buried his hands deeper into his pockets and began to walk a little faster. ‘I’m just too stupid and too ugly. Maybe if I lost some weight and re-dyed my hair… Or I could start to read Platon. Maybe then he’d see me.’
Lost deep in his thoughts the redheaded rhythm guitarist continued on his lonely journey towards his own apartment.
*
‘Damn!’ Kaoru cursed in his mind trying to open the door of his apartment while balancing a bag full of groceries between his left hand and his chest. He was really tired and hoped that Omitsu, the girl he’d been living with for a few months, had prepared something to eat. ‘I must be getting old’ he thought, since every day the daily routines seemed to be harder and harder to get done. Finally he managed to open the door and kicked his shoes to the corner before heading to the kitchen. “I’m home!” He put the bag down on the kitchen table. ‘Weird, she’s not responding. Maybe she’s not home.’ His thoughts were proven wrong immediately by a rustling sound from the bedroom. He walked through the living room to the bedroom and opened the door.
Kaoru looked quizzically at the woman he’d been living with and who was now gathering all her belongings into a huge navy-blue suitcase. “I’m leaving. I’ve had enough of this.” The blonde man didn’t quite understand. “Enough of what? I thought…” Omitsu’s voice sounded more high-pitched that ever before when she yelled. “Don’t pretend to be innocent, you bastard! I know. I know all about your dirty little games.” Quickly Kaoru tried to go through all the possible reasons for her to be mad in his head, but he came up with nothing.
“You know, Kao, you talk in your sleep.” Kaoru startled but she didn’t even notice while she was fuming with anger. “You don’t love me anymore because you have another. You love him, you sick faggot!” The lead guitarist still didn’t say a word, he only stared at Omitsu who kept on shoving her clothes into a suitcase and who was still yelling. “I can’t understand how I was so blind! I should’ve guessed, it was there right from the beginning! The way you two guitarists were always hanging on each other.” She raised her tear filled eyes to meet Kaoru’s. “You’ve slept with him too? God, I feel so… That’s so disgusting!”
Slowly Kaoru had begun to understand the situation and her last words made him snap back to reality. “Listen, Omitsu, I haven’t been cheating on you. And definitely not with my best friend.” He tried to keep his voice as steady as possible. Omitsu stopped with her frantic packing and turned to face the man she’d been living with. “Come on, Kaoru. You don’t believe that yourself either. I’ve seen the way you look at him, the way he looks at you. And I can tell you that it’s not just this ‘simple and innocent friendship’ that you pretend it to be.”
“I’ll tell you again that I haven’t done anything, Omitsu…” The blonde man tried pleadingly. “Bullshit! You love that disgusting scarecrow of a man more than me! Just admit that you love him, although he is annoying, ugly and stupid and laughs like a donkey and …” Suddenly she stopped talking when she felt Kaoru grip her shoulder firmly. She stared at the hand on her shoulder unbelievingly before averting her gaze and staring straight into the guitarist’s eyes. “Don’t you dare touch me.” She hissed from between clenched teeth. “Don’t you dare talk about him that way.” Kaoru replied calmly, although only seconds ago he was about to hit the woman in front of him.
Omitsu yanked her arm free and grabbed the suitcase before storming out of the door. Kaoru didn’t make a move to follow her, he just stood there and tried to collect his thoughts and make some sense out of them. He was so confused. He didn’t need these mixed up feelings to complicate his life even more, to make everything harder. He only knew that he somehow didn’t mind that Omitsu left. Some undefined part of him was actually relieved. Kaoru had always wanted to be in control of his own life. When everything was clear and well planned he felt safe, knowing what was coming next. But you can’t plan emotions and relationships. They just come as they are. And that made Kaoru feel uncertain about everything.
But then he realized that these feelings he had were far from confusing. It was quite simple actually. Love was one of the simplest things in this world.
‘Just admit that you love him.’
And then love him.
*
Cold breeze blew and made the colourful leaves of autumn dance around on the asphalt. Die walked slowly towards the rehearsal studio, hands in his pockets and a cigarette between his full lips. He was nervous, and the cig was about his tenth that morning. He hadn’t talked with Kaoru since he stormed off the studio two days earlier and he feared that the older one might be angry with him. ‘I hope this doesn’t make him hate me.’ He flicked off the remains of his cigarette before entering the building. ‘Well, here it goes.’
Die opened the door slowly and took off his jacket before turning to take a look around the room. Kaoru was the only one at the studio. ‘Weird…’ Die thought, not because the bandleader was already there, but because usually everyone else was present too when he arrived. But at least now he was able to apologize properly. He hoped with all the might he had that Kaoru wouldn’t hate his guts now. Of course the other had to be angry after hearing that kind of shouting out of nothing, but hopefully he wasn’t too mad. Carefully he ventured towards the lead guitarist who was sitting on the floor.
“Kao, I just wanted to apologize, about the other day. I didn’t intend to interfere with your personal life and I’m sorry.” Kaoru raised his gaze and interrupted the redhead by raising his hand. “Don’t worry, it’s all forgiven. Honestly, I couldn’t be mad at you, I care too much for you to let things like that bother me for long.” Die flashed his broad smile. He didn’t think he’d been this relieved ever before in his entire life. “So you don’t hate me? I’m really sorry about calling your girlfriend the way I did. I hope you’re happy with her.” The lead guitarist just shrugged. “She dumped me.”
That girl left him? What a fool. Die felt like a huge burden had been lifted off of him. ‘I care too much for you.’ Kaoru had said. But what had he actually meant by that? Was Die hoping for too much?
*
Kaoru had been lost in his thoughts for weeks. He had been so surprised by his own sudden realization that he had only been trying to sort everything out in his head. Now he was quite sure of what he felt for the redheaded guitarist, but he hadn’t figured out yet how to let the other man know about his feelings. It wasn’t that he was afraid, he felt himself surprisingly calm now that he’d admitted everything to himself. So he wasn’t scared, but he wanted it to be real. He wanted to wait for a good situation for his confession and let the whole thing sort itself smoothly. And he certainly didn’t want to make it sound like in some zero-budget romance movies, when both parties cried and shouted their confessions of love before breaking into a stepping number.
It was a sunny afternoon and Toshiya had bugged Kaoru long enough to admit them to finish early. Apparently Shinya had agreed to go somewhere with him since the bouncy bassist dragged him out of the door in a nanosecond. Laughter echoed from the other side of the studio, where Kyo was telling a series of perverted jokes to Die who was placing his guitar in its case. Kaoru approached his laughing bandmates after packing up his own guitar. He was really in a good mood, and so he decided that maybe he could test his luck.
“Die? Could I talk to you for a second?” Die raised his gaze to meet Kaoru’s and nodded still smiling. “Of course. I have always time for our great leadersama.” However, Kaoru didn’t have time to utter a single syllable before Kyo demanded their attention. “I’m gonna hit the road. Have fun you two.” He grinned while putting on his leather jacket. Die snorted with laughter. “Have fun working or at least talking about working? I doubt that.” Kyo just laughed and waved his hand. “You’re too damn lazy, Die.” And with that the vocalist slipped outside, closing the door behind himself. Kaoru noticed that Die’s attention had returned to him. “So, what did you want to talk me about? Did I play even worse than normally today?” His face beamed with a wide grin. “Don’t be an idiot. This has nothing to do with how you play.”
‘Well, here it goes. You never win if you don’t dare take risks.’ Kaoru thought and opened his mouth to speak again. “Want to go out with me?” There, straight to the point. Die looked puzzled. “Out? Like drinking?” Kaoru sighed deeply and tried not to let his nervousness show. “No, idiot. I mean a date. A real date after which we can kiss goodnight and agree to meet again. And maybe…” he let his voice trail off since he realized he might be going a bit too far. Die chuckled. “You seem to have planned everything already.” Kaoru was a bit surprised that Die took the offer so calmly. Maybe he still had hope? He broke into a smile. “Of course. I’m not the leader for nothing.”
*
Kaoru came to pick Die up at seven. The evening was beautiful, so they decided to walk to the restaurant. They ended up wandering around after sharing a meal since Kaoru had no idea what they should do. The Sun had disappeared long ago and the two guitarists walked side by side down the street. Die had shoved his hands tightly into his pockets and stole sideway glances at the bandleader, dwelling deep in his thoughts.
Why had the other man asked him on a date? First Die had thought that since Kaoru just broke up with his girlfriend not so long ago he was just horny and looking for an easy way to get laid. Being the consolation prize wasn’t what the rhythm guitarist wanted with his life, but when it came down to Kaoru he knew that he’d gladly accept any offer the older might throw at him. On the other hand the lead guitarist hadn’t made a single move that would’ve differed from a normal night out with guys. Unless you count that he opened the restaurant’s door for the redhead, but that he might’ve done anyway.
“Die?” A soft voice and a gentle grip on his bicep brought Die back from his thoughts. Kaoru had moved in closer, standing only inches away from the taller one. The redhead didn’t answer, he felt like his throat was so dry that no sound would escape it even if he tried. Instead he raised his left eyebrow and let the other know he was listening. Kaoru looked so irresistible that Die just wanted to kiss him properly. Would he dare to take the chance?
The older man opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by a soft pair of lips on his own. Die leaned in and pressed their mouths even tighter together, needing the closeness of the other man. Kaoru was pleasantly surprised. He moved his hands to Die’s nape and tangled his fingers with the crimson locks. Tentatively he flicked his tongue out tracing the line of the younger man’s upper lip. At first the kiss was a bit nervous, mirroring the slight confusion both men felt, but soon it moved into a deeper and more emotional one as they were like glued together.
Die felt his heart flutter out of joy, love, lust and several other feelings he couldn’t even name. The effect Kaoru had on him was enormous and he wanted more. He needed more, like an addict and couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed when the other pulled away. Kaoru let his fingers brush Die’s cheek slightly. “So…” he began and nervously avoided looking Die in the eye. “…wanna go home?” Die staid silent for a moment and considered the options. Home sure sounded good, but only if the other guitarist was willing to keep him company. “With or without you?” Those two sets of deep eyes looked into each other for few seconds. That was enough. They began to walk back to Die’s apartment, hand in hand, shoulder touching shoulder.
When they finally reached the apartment, Die opened the door quickly, not wanting to give Kaoru too much time so he’d reconsider and decide to leave. He left his shoes beside the door and headed for the living room being followed by the older guitarist. Die looked nervously around and decided to try and play the perfect host. “You want coffee or something?” Kaoru only shook his head. “Oh, okay. Tell me if you need anything.” The redhead watched the soft movements of the lead guitarist as he came closer. “I need you.” Kaoru said in a steady, firm voice before reaching to kiss the other man.
The kiss lasted as long as they both could manage without breath. When they parted, Kaoru let his palm rest against the soft skin of Die’s nape. The redhead’s cheeks were flushed beautifully, and he circled his arms tight around Kaoru’s waist. “Maybe we should take this slow… Not to rush into things…” Kaoru initiated another long kiss before replying. “We should. Never hurts to take things nice and slow. But that doesn’t prevent me from kissing you.” Die chuckled hoarsely. “Not at all.”
*
The bed creaked protesting when two grown men fell onto it the older on top of the younger. Kaoru had taken the leading role straight from the beginning guiding the redhead to move further. He almost ripped the hem of Die’s shirt when he tore it off those broad shoulders. The redhead unbuttoned the older one’s shirt and slid it off kissing the revealing skin. It was the first attempt of sexual interactions with another man for both of them, but it all felt so natural, like they belonged there in each other’s arms.
Kaoru kissed a wet trail across the other’s throat and finished by tugging his earlobe gently. The redhead gasped. ”Do we really have to take this slow?” Kaoru stopped his activities with the redhead’s ear for as long as he needed to reply. “No.” The younger man tilted his head and kissed the other’s neck hastily before suckling on his collarbone. “I mean…” he continued between his hard breaths. “We love each other so it’s no use in waiting, right?” He stopped for a moment and searched for Kaoru’s gaze. “You do love me, don’t you Kao?” The older one was impatiently tugging on the other’s pants. “Of course. Now let me get rid of these jeans.” “Kaoru!” The lead guitarist raised his gaze to meet Die’s and sighed deeply. “Why would I be here if I didn’t? I don’t usually jump into bed with my best friend without a good reason. And being just horny isn’t good enough for a reason.” Die didn’t really feel like arguing at that moment, he wanted the other man so badly, so he decided that answer would do.
The lead guitarist took a firm hold on the other’s waist and slid him further across the already crumpled sheets. He poured wet kisses and licks all over the redhead’s chest at the same time moving his hands down to unbutton his jeans. He slid his hand under the waistband of Die’s boxers and lightly squeezed his butt before sliding off all the garments that were covering that thin frame. Die shivered when he felt cold air hit his skin and his freed arousal and arched his back trying to get closer to the man on top of him. Kaoru wrapped his arms around the other’s torso kissing him passionately. He felt a light tugging on his own trousers as the redhead was trying to uncover his newly found lover too.
Swiftly the older man got rid of his own restricting garments and pressed their bodies together again, both enjoying the sensation of first real skin to skin contact with each other. Kaoru ran his palms all over the smooth flesh of his lover, trying to memorize every curve he found. Die was busy kissing and nibbling the blonde’s neck, chest and shoulders, just about anything he could reach with his lips. It didn’t take long before they both were breathing heavily, painfully needing each other. The lead guitarist still had the other pinned under him and he intended to keep it that way.
After some time Kaoru stopped his actions for a second, looking hesitantly around. “Die? We need something to lubricate if you intend to walk anytime soon.” The redhead sighed. “Can’t you just do it already?” He saw the concerned look on the older one’s face and he immediately had to give in. Whatever Kaoru wanted he would get. “Try the top drawer of the nightstand. I might have some hand lotion there.” The lead guitarist rolled to his side and reached out rummaging through the drawer, finally getting his hands on the small bottle of softening hand lotion.
He uncapped the bottle and rolled back on top of his younger lover. A long open mouthed kiss took place, and the air was filled with the soft noises Die made deep in his throat. One might’ve thought he was singing, judging by the way one sound became after another. Kaoru smiled into the kiss and pulled back a little. He coated his fingers with the hand lotion and looked his lover in the eye. “Die, I’ll warn you. I’ve never done this before so I’m not exactly the most confident man on earth right now.” The redhead only smiled and took Kaoru’s hand guiding it to his entrance. “I trust you.”
The older man slowly inserted two of his fingers and began to move them slowly inside the younger one. Die winced a little, the feeling was odd and somewhat unpleasant at first. But he began to like it more and more as Kaoru stretched him moving his fingers deeper and scissoring them. His panting was increasing and he considered himself ready for action. “Kao, I need you now.” The older one nodded at the whispered words, pulling his fingers out and coating himself with the lotion before positioning on the other’s entrance.
“This is going to hurt a bit, I think.” He whispered and leaned in to capture the redhead’s lips with yet another kiss. Slowly he made his way in to the man lying under him. He almost lost control over himself, the feeling of being inside Die was so incredible, this passion being much more than he had ever dared to even imagine. Die’s fingers tangled into the older man’s hair gripping tightly. Small tears formed in his eyes and he bit his lip before breathing out quietly. “Did you say ‘hurt a bit’? It fucking hurts a lot!” Kaoru halted his movements and looked worriedly at his redhead.
“Does it hurt too much? You want me to stop?” Die tried to relax and breathed in deep for a few times. He felt his body adjusting to the other’s length inside of him and the pain started to fade a little. “No, just make it feel better.” Kaoru still wasn’t completely sure of himself in this new situation, but he pulled back a little and slowly made his way back in. Die was gripping the older man’s shoulders knuckles white, and tried hard to force himself to relax again. Kaoru kept on kissing the redhead’s face and moving gently within him.
Bit by bit Die began to really enjoy the feeling, and when Kaoru hit something inside him that made him lose his vision for a while he forgot that any pain ever existed. He arched his back and pressed himself closer to his lover, meeting his thrusts. The older man brought his hand to the other’s arousal and started stroking it in time with his own movements. They both found their limits soon, not used to pleasure quite like the one they were experiencing in each others embrace, and reached their climaxes almost simultaneously crying out when being brought to release.
Exhausted, Kaoru collapsed on top of Die, nuzzling instantly closer. He pressed soft little kisses below he other’s ear and whispered smiling. “You are the one, you know?” The redhead smiled, happy now that he was lying in the warm embrace he’d been longing for so long. A comfortable silence filled the room, only sounds being their still somewhat breathless sighs. Die closed his arms around the slightly shorter man. He pressed his face into the other’s hair for a short while before leaning back a little and looking fondly at his love.
“Heh, that was something I’ve never done before.” Die chuckled and tousled Kaoru’s blonde strands affectionately. The older one smirked and turned his head so that he could watch the redhead’s face while resting his chin on the other’s chest. “But the important question isn’t whether it was your first time. I’m more interested in if it’ll be your last time as well?” The younger man took on a considering face. “Hmmm, let me think about that... No, I think there’ll be plenty of other times.”
Kaoru closed his eyes and inhaled deeply the scent of his loved one. “That’s good to hear. We still need practice, you know. That was far from perfect. But hey, it was the first time so it’s understandable, isn’t it?” Die formed a pout. “Kaoru… You’re not supposed to say things like that in a moment like this. You just should enjoy the feeling. And not certainly tell the one you just had sex with that he sucked.” The older man kissed the other’s chest. “C’mon, Die, you know I didn’t mean it that way. But I honestly think that we can do better. We can try to develop in that area.” He lifted himself up with his right elbow and gave the other a light peck on the nose. “Although I guess that only being with you is enough for me.”
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I really love your work so I'm going off to read some more. Ciao. ^^
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Thank you^^ I hope you'll like the other stuff too!
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I cracked up laughing when I read that part!xDDD
It is so cute and so hilarious the way they're so completely at ease around each other x3
I love your stories <333
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I love the way they're like 'yes yes we'll take it slow'.
Five seconds later: humphumphump.
GO BOYS, PRACTICE! Lots and lots. And then film it and put it on youtube. *whistles innocently*
:3 It made me go mushy... ahhhhh such a nice story except for that bitch dissing Die. She best hope I don't meet her in a dark alley. D< I will have vengeance!
Loved it <3
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haha they didn't really know what they even wanted, eh? XD But it's not their fault *coughs* It's impossible to resist such a temptation 8D (And oh yes on Youtube... yes)
Thank you dear! <3 I'm so glad to hear you liked it ;)