rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 06:01 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 06:01 pm
Entry tags:
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Title: Broken
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fonulyn
Rating: PG [mentions of violence]
Pairing: Kaoru x Die
Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do NOT get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: This one is a kind of sequel forpi_ankh's fics Suspicious mind, Another Try and The Black Monster. But it's not inevitable to read those first, this one works as it's own oneshot too. Yeah, and this is kinda angsty too.
Broken
It’s really devastating how a human life can shatter into a million pieces. And what is destroyed in less than an hour takes years to get over even remotely. I hate it when I have to helplessly watch someone close to me suffer, but there are times I really can’t do anything about it. Although I’ve always known that human being is a fragile creature I never really remember that before something like this happens. Before something happens to the one I love most in this world.
Die came to me last night. It was about 3 am and I had to drag myself out of the bed. Cursing loudly like an old sailor I went to the door trying to keep my pyjama bottoms from dropping to my ankles. I was irritated, being waken up in the middle of the night but I couldn’t stop myself from going to the door anyway, it might be something important. And when I finally opened the door there he was, although I didn’t even recognize him at first.
He was leaning on the doorframe and looked like he was about to collapse to the ground and never get up again. His face was swollen and covered with bruises, his lip was broken, clothes torn and he held his limp left arm against his chest. Only one look at his teary eyes, full of pain and red from crying, made my heart break. My all brain functions ceased to exist and I just stood there staring at him for a while.
“Uhm, Kao, could I come in?” His voice was so quiet that I almost missed his words. But somehow that made me snap back to reality and I opened the door further to let him in. He took one tumbling step ahead and almost lost the control of his legs so I carefully wrapped my arm around him and held him in an upright position. He leaned on my shoulder and we managed to drag ourselves into my living room and onto the couch.
He winced when I accidentally touched his arm while helping him to sit down. “Sorry” I muttered and seated myself beside him. “What happened to you, Die? You look like hell.” Die took a pencil that was lying on the table and began to play with it with his right hand. “May I stay here for the night, Kao? I won’t be of any trouble, I promise.” I brought my hand up to carefully sweep a strand of red hair from his swollen face.
“Of course you can stay. But tell me what happened? Who did this?” He dropped the pencil and hung his head down trying to avoid looking me in the eye. “It’s nothing. I’m going to be okay.” I felt the anger start to boil inside of me. The one who dared to do this to Die should suffer and be painfully tortured to death. I felt like killing someone but instead I slightly touched Die’s knee and tried again. “Die, please, tell me. Why didn’t you go home?” I saw the panic in his eyes and he swallowed loudly.
“I can’t go back there.” Tears began to flow from his eyes. I wanted to embrace him and make all the worries go away, but I needed to know what had happened. When I saw how lost he was, how utterly broken both inside and out, I couldn’t help but think that a smile should always caress those features and that no one should be permitted to do such things to anyone, especially not to him. “Why is that?” I tried to make my voice as soft as possible, thinking that it would maybe soothe him a little.
He began to sob quietly. “He hit me, oh my god, he tried to kill me… he hit me… it hurt so, he… oh god… I… I can’t…” His voice broke and he couldn’t control the sobbing anymore. I enveloped him in my arms and stroke his back tenderly being careful not to hurt his arm. He leaned into my warmth grabbing the hem of my shirt like he was holding on for his dear life. I tried to act as calm as possible but my mind was racing. So that’s why Die had been so depressed lately. Had this been happening earlier too?
Ever since Die had moved in with the ‘man of his dreams’ as he said himself, he had been extremely happy for a while. Even happier than he usually was and that was a lot. But then it turned out that his lover was horribly jealous and suspicious of Die’s loyalty. He had even accused Die of having an affair with me, although we never did cross the line of friendship.
Not that I wouldn’t have wanted to, I have been in love with that charming redhead for longer than I can remember. But I know him well enough to know that he’d never cheat on anyone, it’s just against everything he believes in. And when he started dating this dream-guy I backed off and decided to seal my feelings deep into the confines of my heart. I didn’t want to break their happiness, ‘cause it would’ve wiped the happy smile from Die’s face and that would have been too much for me to bear.
When Die’s lover started to have these suspicions about an affair between Die and me, I couldn’t help feeling a bit guilty. Although nothing happened between us it didn’t mean that I didn’t have dreams about it. I constantly thought how it would be to have him in my arms, how it would feel to properly kiss him and hold him. So in a way I was committing the crime I was suspected of. But I believe that Die never has considered me more than his best friend.
So that monster had beaten Die up in a fit of jealousy? The bitterness of guilt landed upon me, and I blamed myself for what had happened. Maybe that man had seen the way I look at Die and instantly thought that Die felt the same towards me. But why? Why did he have to do this? Poor, innocent Die, who never did anything wrong had to suffer because of me. I felt a lonely tear roll down my cheek and I tried to hold Die as close as possible, offering him all the comfort I could.
I felt Die slowly relax in my embrace, and moments later he fell asleep exhausted from all the crying. I watched his sleeping face, so peaceful despite of the bruises and dried blood. Tears had stained his cheeks and he seemed to be so fragile. Carefully I examined his left hand which had seemed to be hurt badly. As far as I could figure it out, there was something wrong with his elbow. I decided to get him to see a doctor the next day.
Die pressed himself closer to me, still fast asleep. I leaned into the cushions comfortably, trying not to wake him up or hurt him any more by touching his bruises. My heart filled with love as I watched him sleep. My beautiful Die, how can someone hurt you this way? Why does the world have to be so cruel on the innocent ones?
As much as it pains me, I can’t really heal the wounds this has caused him, or take that enormous amount of pain away. I can offer him all the support he needs, but in the end it’s up to him whether he can leave the past behind or not. He just has to sort out all the sorrow, pain and anger that dwell in him.
He needs time. A lot of time. Maybe a lifetime.
Meanwhile I can do nothing. Nothing but continue on being his shoulder to cry on and hope that someday he’ll be able to get over this. And hope that someday he’ll be able to love me.
I’ll wait for as long as it takes.
Author:
fonulynRating: PG [mentions of violence]
Pairing: Kaoru x Die
Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do NOT get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: This one is a kind of sequel for
pi_ankh's fics Suspicious mind, Another Try and The Black Monster. But it's not inevitable to read those first, this one works as it's own oneshot too. Yeah, and this is kinda angsty too.It’s really devastating how a human life can shatter into a million pieces. And what is destroyed in less than an hour takes years to get over even remotely. I hate it when I have to helplessly watch someone close to me suffer, but there are times I really can’t do anything about it. Although I’ve always known that human being is a fragile creature I never really remember that before something like this happens. Before something happens to the one I love most in this world.
Die came to me last night. It was about 3 am and I had to drag myself out of the bed. Cursing loudly like an old sailor I went to the door trying to keep my pyjama bottoms from dropping to my ankles. I was irritated, being waken up in the middle of the night but I couldn’t stop myself from going to the door anyway, it might be something important. And when I finally opened the door there he was, although I didn’t even recognize him at first.
He was leaning on the doorframe and looked like he was about to collapse to the ground and never get up again. His face was swollen and covered with bruises, his lip was broken, clothes torn and he held his limp left arm against his chest. Only one look at his teary eyes, full of pain and red from crying, made my heart break. My all brain functions ceased to exist and I just stood there staring at him for a while.
“Uhm, Kao, could I come in?” His voice was so quiet that I almost missed his words. But somehow that made me snap back to reality and I opened the door further to let him in. He took one tumbling step ahead and almost lost the control of his legs so I carefully wrapped my arm around him and held him in an upright position. He leaned on my shoulder and we managed to drag ourselves into my living room and onto the couch.
He winced when I accidentally touched his arm while helping him to sit down. “Sorry” I muttered and seated myself beside him. “What happened to you, Die? You look like hell.” Die took a pencil that was lying on the table and began to play with it with his right hand. “May I stay here for the night, Kao? I won’t be of any trouble, I promise.” I brought my hand up to carefully sweep a strand of red hair from his swollen face.
“Of course you can stay. But tell me what happened? Who did this?” He dropped the pencil and hung his head down trying to avoid looking me in the eye. “It’s nothing. I’m going to be okay.” I felt the anger start to boil inside of me. The one who dared to do this to Die should suffer and be painfully tortured to death. I felt like killing someone but instead I slightly touched Die’s knee and tried again. “Die, please, tell me. Why didn’t you go home?” I saw the panic in his eyes and he swallowed loudly.
“I can’t go back there.” Tears began to flow from his eyes. I wanted to embrace him and make all the worries go away, but I needed to know what had happened. When I saw how lost he was, how utterly broken both inside and out, I couldn’t help but think that a smile should always caress those features and that no one should be permitted to do such things to anyone, especially not to him. “Why is that?” I tried to make my voice as soft as possible, thinking that it would maybe soothe him a little.
He began to sob quietly. “He hit me, oh my god, he tried to kill me… he hit me… it hurt so, he… oh god… I… I can’t…” His voice broke and he couldn’t control the sobbing anymore. I enveloped him in my arms and stroke his back tenderly being careful not to hurt his arm. He leaned into my warmth grabbing the hem of my shirt like he was holding on for his dear life. I tried to act as calm as possible but my mind was racing. So that’s why Die had been so depressed lately. Had this been happening earlier too?
Ever since Die had moved in with the ‘man of his dreams’ as he said himself, he had been extremely happy for a while. Even happier than he usually was and that was a lot. But then it turned out that his lover was horribly jealous and suspicious of Die’s loyalty. He had even accused Die of having an affair with me, although we never did cross the line of friendship.
Not that I wouldn’t have wanted to, I have been in love with that charming redhead for longer than I can remember. But I know him well enough to know that he’d never cheat on anyone, it’s just against everything he believes in. And when he started dating this dream-guy I backed off and decided to seal my feelings deep into the confines of my heart. I didn’t want to break their happiness, ‘cause it would’ve wiped the happy smile from Die’s face and that would have been too much for me to bear.
When Die’s lover started to have these suspicions about an affair between Die and me, I couldn’t help feeling a bit guilty. Although nothing happened between us it didn’t mean that I didn’t have dreams about it. I constantly thought how it would be to have him in my arms, how it would feel to properly kiss him and hold him. So in a way I was committing the crime I was suspected of. But I believe that Die never has considered me more than his best friend.
So that monster had beaten Die up in a fit of jealousy? The bitterness of guilt landed upon me, and I blamed myself for what had happened. Maybe that man had seen the way I look at Die and instantly thought that Die felt the same towards me. But why? Why did he have to do this? Poor, innocent Die, who never did anything wrong had to suffer because of me. I felt a lonely tear roll down my cheek and I tried to hold Die as close as possible, offering him all the comfort I could.
I felt Die slowly relax in my embrace, and moments later he fell asleep exhausted from all the crying. I watched his sleeping face, so peaceful despite of the bruises and dried blood. Tears had stained his cheeks and he seemed to be so fragile. Carefully I examined his left hand which had seemed to be hurt badly. As far as I could figure it out, there was something wrong with his elbow. I decided to get him to see a doctor the next day.
Die pressed himself closer to me, still fast asleep. I leaned into the cushions comfortably, trying not to wake him up or hurt him any more by touching his bruises. My heart filled with love as I watched him sleep. My beautiful Die, how can someone hurt you this way? Why does the world have to be so cruel on the innocent ones?
As much as it pains me, I can’t really heal the wounds this has caused him, or take that enormous amount of pain away. I can offer him all the support he needs, but in the end it’s up to him whether he can leave the past behind or not. He just has to sort out all the sorrow, pain and anger that dwell in him.
He needs time. A lot of time. Maybe a lifetime.
Meanwhile I can do nothing. Nothing but continue on being his shoulder to cry on and hope that someday he’ll be able to get over this. And hope that someday he’ll be able to love me.
I’ll wait for as long as it takes.