rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-09-24 09:16 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2007-09-24 09:16 pm
(no subject)
Title: Touched a Thousand Times; Chapter 5
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seinen_no and fonulyn
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: Dir en grey has been playing in the US, and the stressful touring is finally getting to them. Kaoru in particular has troubles controlling his nerves and bad mood, caused by the awakening jealousy inside of him, something he doesn’t want to admit to anyone.
Comments:
seinen_no: Oh, we took quite long to post this, didn't we? Well, fonulyn and I've been busy and away a lot. I hope it's been worth waiting for. Finally you'll find out if they get some or not though, knowing us there's only one answer, right? Have fun and enjoy!
fonulyn: Apologies for taking so long with this, but don’t they say that good things are worth waiting for? ;) I hope that the saying goes with this too. Thanks for again sticking with us till the end, and I hope that you enjoy the end of this fic! And there’s new projects already running :D
And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Previously happened: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
Touched a Thousand Times
Chapter 5
Still, they were both more quiet than usual and once the two bands were sitting in the chosen bar, Kaoru began a shallow conversation with Kyo while Die directed his attention towards Pig. After some time, the lead-guitarist began to drink excessively, first downed several shots and then ordered one beer after another. It was his way to deal with the uncomfortableness and the insecurity.
Die didn't even drink much, somehow not in the mood to get wasted that evening. He knew that the more he drank, the easier people could read his expression and then he wouldn't be able to keep up the facade that everything was fine. At one point he shot a worried glance at the older guitarist, noticing that he drank far more than usually.
Although Kaoru felt his lover's glance, he didn't slow down in the least. He just wanted to forget the embarrassing, confusing and above all frustrating happenings of that evening and the alcohol did its part. After some time, he began to talk more than usual even and that was a sign that he truly was drunk and not only ditsy.
At one point, Die noticed that the other guitarist was beginning to be totally wasted and decided that they would better retreat then. It was late already so he just told the others he was tired, and it was obvious that Kaoru needed to get to bed and stop drinking for the evening. Grabbing his lover's arm, he urged him to get up intending on guiding him to the hotel room.
Kaoru followed him freewillingly, didn't even cause a major scene. He clung to Die all the way and was groping him openly, smiling with slightly reddened cheeks. When the redhead finally had managed to manoeuvre them both into his room safely, Kaoru suddenly detached from him, surprisingly swaying only a little bit.
"You know," he began, stripping off his jacket with an annoyed movement, then moving further to remove his shirt, "I'm so hot." The ambiguousness of his words were mirrored in his self-confident smirk.
"You got that one right." Die couldn't help but to chuckle at the words, shaking his head a bit. He folded his arms across his chest, leaning against the wall behind him. "You should've drunk a bit less."
"But I'm not drunk!" Kaoru insisted and popped the button of his jeans. With a slightly clumsy step, he dropped down on the bed and kicked his legs to get rid of the limiting garment. It flew halfway through the room before it landed right at the redhead's feet. Only then it came clear that Kaoru didn't wear boxers.
With much effort, he crawled into the middle of the bed, lay down on his back and based his feet on the mattress. "I said I'm hot and I want you to do me. Now!" As if to emphasize his words, he parted his thighs a bit further, allowing the other man a perfect view. If Die hadn't known the older guitarist, he could've thought that he was sober and at his senses, only asking for what he wanted.
Die averted his gaze down, swallowing before he spoke up. "Kaoru, don't... You're drunk." He turned to look up at the other man again. "Just get some sleep and we see about it some other time."
As it seemed, the remark didn't even reach the older man's brains completely and he only tilted his head. "I told you, I am NOT drunk." Then, he smiled and rolled over on his stomach. Struggling to get on his hands and knees, he turned his head to look at the other guitarist. "Better like this?"
"No," Frustratedly the younger man shook his head, rolling his eyes and moving a bit closer to the bed. "Please, just get some sleep now. I won't do anything when you're that wasted."
"But Die," Kaoru's voice sounded soft, almost pleading all of a sudden and he rolled over on his back again. "I really do want you. I need you... here." With saying the last word, he brought his hand between his legs, his hazed eyes gazing directly into the other man's.
It was hard for the redhead, as a big part of him wanted to just agree. But he didn't feel comfortable with it, since Kaoru clearly was totally drunk and it would've felt like taking advantage of him. "I'm sorry. But I won't screw you. Not now." He sat down at the edge of the bed, touching the smaller man's arm. "I want you, but not like this."
A smile ghosted across the older guitarist's face and he rolled a bit closer to the other man. "Die, c'mon, let go and just fuck me." He could be very convincing, almost as if he had only drunken soda the whole evening. In a swift movement, he brought his hand to the redhead's jeans, instantly pulling down the zipper. "No holding back anymore. No regrets."
"Kaoru!" Die jumped back a bit, shaking his head. "I mean it. Not now." Inwardly he was feeling somewhat pathetic though. Wasn't this exactly what he had been waiting for? And still he couldn't grab the opportunity.
Wordlessly, Kaoru crawled closer again, and to prevent Die from fleeing, sat down on his lap. "Why not? I know you want it as much as I do. I'm so horny...," he whispered into the redhead's ear and wrapped his arms around his neck. "Don't be such a spoil-sport and just throw me down and do what we both have been waiting for."
"How many times do I need to say 'no'?" Die sounded truly desperate, pushed the smaller man off his lap and stood up.
For a long moment, Kaoru stared at him with huge eyes and it looked as if he was going to cry any second. But then, he only turned around and covered himself with the blanket. "Then go and fuck yourself," he mumbled, obviously not pleased about his lover's self-control.
"Kao..." Die's voice was faint, but he wasn't in the mood to argue about that and just silently grabbed the spare blanket, intending on checking if the couch was good enough to sleep on it.
He didn't get an answer anymore, because the addressed apparently had fallen asleep already. He was lying there in an odd position, half on the side, half on his stomach, drool dripping on the cushion from his open mouth.
The redhead couldn't sleep at first, not knowing if he should be angry at the other man or himself. Finally he passed out though, into uneasy dreams.
The first time Kaoru woke up, he felt a throbbing pain in his head and the sun hurt his eyes. He was thirsty, more than that, but when he set out to get up and get himself something to drink, the pain in his head caused him to moan and he decided that he could hold out without water a little longer. Pulling the blanket over his head, he shut out the sunlight and tried to get some more sleep to get away from the pain.
He was still like that when Die woke up and, sighing a bit in defeat, the redhead got up, rummaging through his bag before he went to sit on the bed's edge. "Here." He offered the other man a glass of water, along with a painkiller.
"Make it two," Kaoru remarked and took the pill along with the water. Only then he spotted the blanket on the couch and blinked at the other man curiously. What had happened? He couldn't remember everything anymore, only that he had tried to make Die screw him. "Oh God!" he breathed out and brought his hand to his hurting head. "Why did you sleep on the couch?" he asked, fearing the answer, but still needed to know.
"Because you were trying to molest me." Die had dug out a smirk from somewhere. "And didn't take 'no' as an answer." He saw the humour in the situation now, although he still would've rather seen things go differently.
"I was molesting you and you still refused to screw me?" Kaoru sounded disbelieving and tried to remember the happenings of the previous night. In his mind's eye, he saw himself lying sprawled on the bed, asking the other to take him, but from then on, nothing. Only complete darkness.
"It wasn't easy, I assure you. You were very convincing. And touchy." Die moved further on the bed, leaning his back against the headboard and pulling his legs close to his chest.
"Why didn't you give in then?" Knowing the answer somewhere in his blurred mind, Kaoru still wanted to hear it from the redhead. Slowly, although his head was still aching, he moved towards the other man and carefully rested against him.
"I really, honestly want you, but not like that. Not when you're drunk and wouldn't remember anything of it the next morning anyways." Absent mindedly Die wrapped one arm around him.
"Die?" The older guitarist looked straight at him and took a deep breath. "I am really sorry that everything is so messed up. But when you put your fingers into me yesterday, it was so odd and I suddenly was friggin' afraid." He hesitated for a moment before he continued. "I mean, if two fingers are feeling weird already, how is it going to be when you are inside me? You're quite huge, you know."
The statement made Die smile, shaking his head a bit. "I take that as a compliment." He became more serious when he went on though. "It's not that bad. It only feels weird in the beginning."
"I know." Kaoru bowed his head, looking at his fingers which were toying with the blanket. "And I really want it; I really want you, but I was like blocked all of a sudden yesterday. Maybe I pushed myself too much, expected too much from us."
"It's alright. Really." Die sighed a bit, moving his other arm around Kaoru as well and pulled him a bit closer against him. "Just listen to me, okay?" He looked at the other man and after receiving a nod, went on in a silent but steady voice. "I'm not going to lie to you and say this isn't frustrating. But it doesn't mean I will just walk out on you if you don't let me screw you. It's not like I would be able to just undo all the feelings I have for you." He tried to get his incoherent thoughts out in even somehow comprehensible sentences. "I just... just tell me, is it always going to be like this?" He looked the older man straight in the eye, something like nervousness somewhere in his gaze.
For a few heartbeats Kaoru only looked at him silently, nibbling on his bottom lip. He had guessed how hard it was for the other man, because he felt with him. "No." The answer was firm and clear, going along with a headshake. "It certainly won't be like this always." He reached out for Die's hand, linking their fingers before he returned his gaze to his face. "I didn't lie when I said that I love you and that I want you. I don't understand myself anymore and have no idea why I'm acting like this. C'mon Die, you know me. I'm neither a coward nor frigid and I am fed up with living chaste too. But this is so important to me, more important than anything ever in my life and I don't know how to break this wall that keeps me from acting like I want."
"I really meant it too when I said that you can have as much time as you want. It's not going to kill me." Die was still gazing his lover in the eye, completely honest. "But please, don't get my hopes high only to bring me down again. I... it really isn't a glorious feeling to always get pushed away."
"I can only say again that I'm sorry. Die, I truly was determined to pull it through yesterday. But maybe we should've tried other things before..." Kaoru lifted his head, breathing a soft kiss on the other man's neck. "And I promise you don't have to walk around horny. I can as well help you otherwise until we are given the perfect opportunity to get to the screwing. Besides," he allowed a small smile to tug his lips, "if we already let off some steam, we might not be too frustrated and everything flows more smoothly."
"That might work." The redhead chuckled. "It's not like we couldn't do anything else..." He shifted a bit into a more comfortable position, still holding the other guitarist close. "You know, if you're just afraid of it, maybe you should nail me first? Then you'd at least know how it is..."
The wording caused the smile on Kaoru's lips to widen, but he shook his head. "I know how it is to nail somebody. And I honestly really would want you to do me. I've been waiting for a friggin' decade for that to happen and now I won't allow my stupid subconsciousness to ruin it."
"Well, but the offer is still on for later too," the younger man smiled, as the mood began to relax somewhat now that they were just lying there closely and talking things through.
"Believe me," Kaoru winked smirking, "it's tempting. Call me stubborn, but I will only do you after I had my first time. I want to know what it does to you." Suddenly, he sat up, ignoring the still present headache. "Say, when you jerk off, you use a vibrator too? I always asked myself that..."
The question made Die laugh, and it took a moment before he got a grip of himself enough to answer. "So that's the thing you always wanted to know of me?" He was still chuckling, turning to look at the other guitarist, answering the question shortly. "Sometimes."
"Well," Kaoru chuckled, "that's the thing I never really dared to ask. But I looked through your drawers once," he gave away blushing. "Where the fuck do you hide this thing? Or do you have a collection?" Trying to suppress his laughter, he bit his bottom lip and looked at the redhead from sparkling eyes. The tension and the headache seemed forgotten for the time being at least, and it was good to just talk about sex this way.
"No, I'm not a collector." Die chuckled. "And it's usually in my closet, you know, where I keep my underwear and stuff."
Encouraged because the other man answered so freewillingly, Kaoru instantly came up with the next question. "You prefer girls or guys in bed?"
"What is this, a national 'ask Die of his sex-life' day?" The younger man rolled his eyes theatrically, but nevertheless answered the question after he had thought about it for a while. "I don't know, really, both have their sides..."
"It would be a bit boring to talk about my non-existent sex-life, don't you think? Yours is just so much more exciting." Kaoru answered grinning, pressed a short kiss on his lover's lips and then reminded. "Besides, you offered yourself that if I want to know anything, I should ask..."
"I know, I know. And I'm not going to take it back." The younger man's eyes were sparkling, as finally the tension between them seemed to be gone.
"Then tell me," there was a teasing undertone in Kaoru's voice, "when you're screwing with a guy, which position do you prefer?"
A slight blush appeared on the redhead's cheeks, but his grin didn't even falter. "Depends awfully lot on the mood... but maybe a bit more the top."
The older burst out laughing. "I see. You're all macho." The blush earned Die another peck on his hot cheek though and a pet on the head. "And what position, I mean like which way?"
"You know, I don't really have an absolute favourite when it comes to that." The younger man chuckled slightly. "It depends on who I'm with."
"What would you want with me?" Kaoru had become serious at a moment's notice and now inquired the other man with an arched eyebrow.
"I can't know before we try it all." The answer came with a playful grin at first, but then the redhead really stopped to think about it for a while, and when he spoke, there was a slightly dreamy expression on his face. "I guess I just want you sprawled out on the mattress beneath me. You're gorgeous, you know?"
The compliment caused heat to rise on the lead-guitarist's cheeks and he knew that he was blushing a deep red. He had always been quite confident with his looks, but hearing those words from the other man made his heart beat a bit faster and certain warmth to gather in his stomach. "Thank you." He smiled and had to chuckle when he noticed Die's dreamy expression. "I still say you could've noticed that earlier."
"Well, technically I noticed. But I just didn't act on it." Die pointed out with a merry grin.
"Tell me how I tried to convince you to screw me yesterday night?" Kaoru demanded, mirroring the grin. "I want to know how much self-control you have, so that I know how much effort I have to put into it the next time."
"You don't have to take much effort even, as long as you're sober." The younger man admitted instantly, knowing he wouldn't have resisted much then. "You just threw yourself at me, telling how hot and horny you are."
"Gods," Kaoru groaned as if something hurt him very badly. "I was that cheap? I would've somehow thought I have more imagination when it comes to things I want."
"Don't worry. My lips are sealed, I won't tell anyone." Die laughed, pressing a small kiss on Kaoru's lips.
"Thank you." The older guitarist said theatrically. "I don't know what I would've done if you had told anybody. This embarrassment..." He shook his head.
"Although I bet the guys would pay well for info like that...."
"One word and you'll live chaste for a very, very long time still."
"So you're threatening me? Instead of trying to bribe me..." The younger man pouted instantly.
"I would bribe you right away if my head wouldn't feel like a water melon that's been dropped from the 4th floor." Kaoru stated, smiling a bit.
"Don't worry. I have patience." Die's smile was back, and he closed his eyes, leaning back into the cushions. "Wanna sleep still?"
"If you stay here now and won't go back to the couch." The older man nodded, slid down a bit and pillowed his head on the cushion, his arm wrapped around the redhead's waist.
"Deal." The younger man nodded as well, somehow still tired. It didn't take long until they both drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
It didn't last too long though since the reception called to wake them up after some time. They had to leave to get their plane and reach the next venue. It was a drag, because both bands were suffering from a major hang-over. Luckily, they would soon play the final in Tokyo and then have some time off before they had to go to the studio to finish their new album so that the circle of life for a rockband could begin again.
The talk had somehow made both of the guitarists relax, and the frustration melted away at least somewhat. They were laughing and joking again, not stressing too much about the fact that they still hadn't managed to make it all the way when it came to sex.
But like Kaoru had promised, there were more ways to find satisfaction than the mere act itself and he stuck to it. Die was even somewhat surprised how straight-forward the older was once he forgot about his insecurities. He was even more surprised how able the other was when it came to providing pleasure with his hand or his mouth as he had never thought that Kaoru would be so comfortable with that.
All in all they were getting used to the situation, both enjoying the good sides of their relationship and growing more and more close to each other. They didn't stress about sex anymore, and it instantly showed in the way they were acting. Sometimes Die still thought about it though, but stuck to his promise and gave Kaoru all the time he needed.
The thing was, that Kaoru thought he didn't need more time, but after their disastrous try, he didn't know how to let his lover know he was ready. Besides, the closer the end of the tour came, the less free time they were having as everybody was stressing about the final show, the biggest one which would be filmed for DVD.
They had their hands full of work for the last couple of days, everyone doing their fair share and more. It had to be perfect, everything simply had to work out smoothly and without major flaws.
No matter how often they had played shows like that already, such a huge venue always made them nervous and meant twice as much work for the staff members. Kaoru kept an eye on everything and since he was so much more relaxed now, his relationship with the other guitarist heading the right way, he even could be friendly around Pig again. Since the American knew about the relationship, it was easier to approach him anyways. Besides, Wednesday 13 would leave Tokyo only a day after the last gig and so Kaoru used the opportunity to apologize to the other guitarist for his sometimes rude behaviour and for being so bitchy.
Pig didn't seem to mind Kaoru's past moody behaviour that much, and instantly told him it was alright. Seeing the two make up made Die feel good too, as to him it was a sign that things would work out eventually. It also meant that he had at least gained the older guitarist's trust, and that their relationship seemed to be growing stronger as well. The mood was getting better the closer the last show came, since pleasant anticipation stirred in them.
Kyo was happy to play at home again and to have the possibility to retreat to his own apartment afterwards. He liked touring in Japan, but to him there was no place like home. Seeing the vocalist so happy about that small fact somehow made Kaoru think and he made up his mind that tonight would be perfect to finally make the relationship between the redhead and himself a real one.
Die had no idea about what the other man was thinking though, he only noticed that Kaoru seemed to be in an extremely good mood that day somehow. They had agreed that they'd both go to Die's place after the show for the night, wanting to spend some time together.
That night, the show was extremely good and they all gave their best. Even Kyo was smiling and laughing in between, joking with Shinya and asking the audience to scream louder for them. It was a real blast and once it was over, they all were still high. Pig was waiting at the changing room, congratulating them for the good show. Kaoru had hugged his lover from behind, bouncing up and down a bit to express his splendid mood.
"That was so totally cool." Die was practically beaming, moving his hands back until he reached his lover's butt, to pull him even a bit closer. "So, when do you need to go?" He turned to address his American friend, something like slight melancholy in his tone. It had been nice to meet Pig, but he couldn't deny that it would also be nice to spend time with just Kaoru.
"My flight's leaving tomorrow early afternoon," came the answer with a smile. "So maybe we could go for a drink still?" Kaoru was chuckling a bit and pressed himself close against his lover's back. "I think we should go, Die," he stated. "Because I certainly won't go to the airport tomorrow to bid farewell."
"That sounds good. Any good suggestions where we could go?" The redhead was almost hyperactive, in a bouncy mood, and tilted his head to the side, planting a small kiss somewhere on his lover's face where he happened to reach.
"Batsu!" Toshiya screamed instantly, assuming he was invited to come along. The 'batsu' was one of those clubs where you sat in cell-like small recesses and got your drinks in test tubes or blood bottles. The waiters were dressed as nurses and doctors and one received an overall in case one entered the dance-floor because everybody spilled colour on you which was reacting with black light. "Wanna get dirty?" Kaoru asked his lover with a meaningful smirk.
"Well, why not." The answer came instantly with a merry chuckle. "Sounds just perfect." Almost everyone agreed on coming along, and soon they were just one big happy bunch, ready to go out and have fun.
They were taking taxis to get to the place not to cause an uproar in the underground. Luckily, the light in the batsu was dim and now that their haircolours and outfits were less extravagant than in the vk-times, they didn't attract that much attention anymore. Still, some people eyed the Americans curiously, but nobody approached them and they managed to get into one of the recesses without problems.
Like naturally Die instantly wrapped one arm around the lead guitarist, making him come a bit closer. He didn't even think about gestures like that anymore mostly, just acting on instinct. At least as long as he was sure that no stranger could spot them accidentally or, even worse, take a picture.
Kaoru enjoyed those gestures nevertheless as they came natural to both of them. He held back with the drinks and soon went over to something without alcohol, keeping an eye on his lover all the time. When Die was about to order another round of shots, he leaned over to him, whispering into his ear. "Maybe you shouldn't drink too much tonight..."
It instantly lit a sparkle in the redhead's eyes, and his constant smile widened even more. "That sounds kinda promising, you know..." The way the other had said it made clear he had something special in mind.
As an answer, Kaoru only grinned and gave him a short, but open-mouthed kiss while his hand caressed the redhead's inner thigh. It was important to him that Die didn't think he would back off again, because he surely had no intentions in doing so. Still, he didn't want his lover to be drunk, because that would make things impossible.
The younger man had no idea what exactly his lover had planned, since he didn't dare to believe yet what his mind told him at first. He was nevertheless already looking forward to when they'd retreat, obediently cutting down on his drinking instantly.
They still had a lot of fun that night, but when Pig and Toshiya began to tell perverted jokes, it seemed to be time to leave. Kaoru looked at the redhead from the side, smiling at him. "Wanna go home?" Midnight was long gone anyways and it wouldn't look like the two were fleeing the scenery. Still, Kyo grinned at them with his crooked teeth. "Wanna get laid, huh?"
"Exactly." Die winked merrily, winking at the small blonde. "Besides, it's late already." They said goodbyes to their friends, chatting for a moment still before retreating.
Kaoru even told Pig to come and visit them whenever he got the opportunity. It wasn't an empty promise as he thought his lover would like to meet his friend again soon. But then, he pushed Die out of the small place, directly into a waiting taxi which would bring them home. They were joking and laughing on their way, both in a good mood and totally relaxed, as they didn't remember when they had last had this much fun. It didn't even take long before they already were at the redhead's apartment.
After he had hung his jacket over a chair and slipped out of his shoes, Kaoru pulled the other man close to himself by his belt. "So," he purred with a soft smile, "this day was perfect, right?"
"Definitely close to that," Die admitted instantly, relaxing against the smaller man reflexively, enjoying the closeness already.
For a moment, Kaoru thought about how to begin this as he felt a bit stupid. "What would make it perfect perfect for you?" he finally asked, hoping the other would answer as he had assumed.
"Why?" The redhead chuckled and turned to face his lover better, wrapping his arms around his neck. "Would you believe me if I told you that having you here is enough?"
"Nope." Kaoru shook his head and planted a kiss somewhere on the other man's chin. When his lover didn't react in any way, he rolled his eyes. "Die... could you make this less hard for me and make me feel less odd?" He had to chuckle though as the younger guitarist just looked at him curiously like waiting for him to go on and explain his motives further.
"It would help if I knew what you are up to." Die leaned to plant a short kiss on the other man's mouth, instinctively shifting a bit so that he was standing even closer to him.
"I want you to make love to me," Kaoru whispered and then suddenly had to laugh. "For Christ’s sake, I want you to screw me finally."
"You mean it?" The redhead sounded a bit disbelieving, but couldn't hide his smile. Somehow he felt that the other man totally meant it this time, and it made a flock of butterflies flutter in his stomach.
"Gods." Kaoru growled and pushed his hand between Die's legs. "Believe me, I won't push you away anymore. Just be gentle, okay."
"Let's give it a try then." Die smiled, his eyes sparkling, and he took a good hold of the other man, lifting him up and stumbling towards the bedroom.
It caused Kaoru to chuckle and he began to unbutton his shirt on the way already. "Not even bride-style?" he mock-complained. "I'm disappointed."
"Want me to change that still." The younger man laughed, turning his head to look the older guitarist in the eye. "I do anything you want."
"Anything?" Kaoru smiled brightly, but didn't say what he had intended first and instead changed his mind. "Then pop my cherry, babe." He stressed the last word and underlined it with a smile that could've perfected the sun.
"Babe?" Die had to repeat it, but the way he was addressed made him just grin even more brightly. "I'll make this an unforgettable night for you, I promise." As soon as they were in the bedroom he carefully dropped his precious burden on the mattress.
"I hope you won't forget it either," Kaoru winked and backed himself up with his elbows to look at the other man. "Come here," he whispered, "You wear too many clothes."
Obediently the redhead crawled closer, his eyes locked on the other man's every move. He couldn't stop smiling, and not only because of the sweet anticipation. It was already contentment in itself to be able to be there with his lover.
Once he was near enough, Kaoru slowly slid both of his hands under his shirt, moving them upwards along the warm smooth skin until he quickly removed it. He was lying flat on his back, Die practically hovering above him and only feeling his breath wash over his face, seeing the small smile on his lips, caused a shiver down his spine. They had grown into loving each other and for some reason, Kaoru wasn't afraid anymore of what the night held for him.
As soon as the shirt was gone, Die leaned in to initiate a deep kiss, keeping the contact slow and gentle although it somehow still showed clearly how much he longed for the other guitarist. His hands were roaming all over Kaoru's skin, caressing everywhere he could reach, enjoying the feeling of soft skin beneath his fingertips.
The sensations the kiss evoked were shooting right through the older guitarist, right to his toes and then to his groin as it seemed. Die truly was a good kisser and once they had overcome the first slight problems, they had developed a common way.
As if to show him that he wanted to give himself as a gift, Kaoru let the other man dominate it, only playfully trying to take over control from time to time. Lost in the contact, he roamed his fingers over Die's chest to the belt of his jeans, undoing it without problems. Once he had opened the button and the zipper too, he moved his arms around his waist and slipped his fingers beneath the fabric, cupping the smooth buttocks in his palms while coevally sliding the pants down a bit.
The gesture made Die smile into the kiss, as somehow the whole moment felt more relaxed in a way than anything they had gone through before when it came to this. Tentatively, he moved a bit against the other man to bring their bodies closer, creating some friction with the movement. He had really meant it when he had said he wanted this to be an unforgettable event, and he wanted to give the other man everything he could.
But just thinking about the redhead and what he was doing caused Kaoru's head to spin and the need to rise. Automatically, his hips bucked up and he lifted his upper body in search for more closeness. Smiling as well, he finally pushed the other man's jeans down as far as he could reach, moving to the front to first softly brush along the arousal he found there and then drag the garment down further.
A soft sigh fell from the younger man at the touch, and he stilled in his movements for a while. He was yearning for proper skin on skin contact, determined that all their clothes needed to go as soon as possible.
As if Kaoru had read his mind, he looked at him straight with a wide smile. "Then help me get rid of the damn jeans..." To emphasize his plea, he wriggled a bit, lifted his butt and began to unbutton his pants.
Instantly the redhead obeyed, helping the other man to open his pants and pull the garment down only to discard it to the floor. He remained sitting for a while though, just letting his gaze roam over his lover's body, before leaning down and pressing a kiss somewhere on his thigh.
The intense look had brought more colour to Kaoru's cheeks than the kiss before already and it was as if his whole body was blushing. When he felt Die's lips on his skin, he automatically parted his thighs a bit further to offer him more room, to invite him and allow him to do as he pleased. Other than that, he remained completely still despite his more rapidly rising and sinking chest as he was unable to reach the younger man with his hands.
Die enjoyed the moment to no end, the way Kaoru was just offering himself and allowed him to do as he wished turned him on to no end. He took his time, kissing and nibbling his trail up the other man's thigh, before biting down near his hipbone. His hands were following a bit behind, palming the soft skin on the other guitarist's legs.
Soft sighs and low moans were mixing with Kaoru's laborious respiration every now and then and when Die's teeth struck his skin, a palpable shudder shook his body and he groaned out loud in pleasure. Apparently, he was extremely sensitive on that spot. He hadn't even known that himself before. The slow way in which Die was exploring his body equalled worshipping something precious and it made him feel special and aroused him even more.
Unable to resist the temptation, the younger man moved up until their faces were only separated by inches, smiling at the other man for a moment and simply drowning in his eyes. Then, he initiated a deep kiss, cupping Kaoru's cheek in his palm.
On their own, the older man's arms found their way around his neck to hold him near, to intensify the feeling and deepen the contact as far as possible. He lifted one leg, wrapped it around his lover's hip and slowly moved his foot along his calve. He had never felt this close to anybody mentally and physically and everything in Die's behaviour told him that he felt the same.
They took their time with the kiss, until the redhead broke it, his breathing already ragged somewhat. He stopped for a moment, looking at the other man like asking if he was allowed to go on. After receiving a smile, he moved a bit further, fumbling for something inside the bedside drawer.
Curious, Kaoru stretched his neck to take a look at what his lover was doing there. "What'cha looking for?" he finally asked, a bit out of breath himself. "This." Die turned back to on, presenting him a small tube of lubricant, before initiating a short but passionate kiss. "Makes things easier."
"Good." The older guitarist nodded contently and leaned back against the mattress. There was still a slight blush on his cheeks and a smile dancing on his lips when he lifted his pelvis a bit to give Die better access to his butt. Other than that, he left everything to the other man and only concentrated on remaining as calm and relaxed as possible.
The redhead pressed a bunch of wet kisses on the older guitarist's neck, right beneath his ear. "Just tell me when to slow down and I'll give you a moment, okay?" He scraped his teeth along the soft skin, but didn't yet begin the prepping and only guided one hand to the other man's arousal, lacing his fingers around it.
It took Kaoru by surprise and his eyes opened wide along with his mouth, a loud moan escaping it. Unable to speak at that moment, he only nodded quickly a couple of times to show that he had understood. The heat inside him had passed a certain point which slowly made it unbearable and all he knew was that he needed the other man to do something to put out the fire within.
As Kaoru seemed to be lost in a wave of pleasure Die guided his other hand to his butt, carefully sliding one finger inside. He had taken a generous amount of lube and it was somewhat cool, but he had neither the time nor the energy to do something about it right then.
That was the reason though why the older guitarist gasped, his muscles clenching around the redhead's finger automatically. "Cold," he explained, chuckling breathlessly. But after a moment, he relaxed again and nodded. "Go on, it was just the lube..."
The redhead nodded, initiating a kiss while moving his finger in the other, carefully stretching him further before adding a second finger. He scissored them, coevally trying to find the right spot to sweep over.
It was still odd to have something inside there, but when Die had found what he had been looking for, a wave of pleasure shot through Kaoru's being like electricity, caused his body to jerk up and a groan to resonate in his throat. "Oh God!" He tilted his head, grinning at his lover.
"Liked that?" Die grinned straight back at him, repeating the action as he now knew where to aim.
"Y-yeah," Kaoru grunted although the confirmation wasn't needed. His hips were bucking up as he pushed against the digits inside him, urging them deeper.
The younger man kept himself busy by nibbling on his lover's neck, simultaneously moving his fingers inside of him and lazily stroking his arousal. He wanted to prepare the other man as best as possible, but he was also greedy for any kind of reaction from him, loving the way he was writhing in his arms.
Soon, Kaoru forgot the initial uncomfortableness as his whole mind was filled with the feelings the other man made him go through. He had lost all his shame, was moaning and openly showing Die how he liked to be touched and how good he felt. The other man seemed to be all over him, his hands and lips in all the right places to drive him insane, places of which existence he hadn't known before; at least not in that way.
Not wanting to rush, Die took his time with it, and only when he was sure that the other man was as ready as he'd ever be when it came to prepping, he retreated his fingers and pecked his lover's lips. "Are you ready?" He had to ask still, not wanting to risk doing anything against Kaoru's will.
The question brought Kaoru back to reality partly and he looked his lover straight in the eye. Then, he let his gaze roam to the other man's arousal and arched an eyebrow, managing to form a smirk. "I hope so..." Still, he spread his legs a bit more and slid down, offering himself to the other man completely.
"Tell me if it's too much." It wasn't even an empty phrase, since when it came down to it Die would've stopped if he was asked to. Swiftly he shifted closer and coated his arousal with some lube before positioning himself at the other man's entrance. Initiating a deep kiss, he moved his hips, fluently invading his lover. The feeling made him groan into the kiss instantly, the almost painful tightness causing a wave of pleasure to run through him.
First, Kaoru's whole being tensed and he bit his lip hard as a flash of pain shot along his nerve tracks to his brains. "Fuck this hurts!" he voiced his current state, but wrapped his legs around his lover, not allowing him to pull back. "Just a moment, gimme a second," he breathed out and then focused on the lower part of his body, trying to make it relax by the force of his mere will.
Die planted a bunch of wet kisses along the other man's face, soothingly sliding his palms along his sides. "Just relax." He forced himself to stay still despite the desperate want to move. In hopes to distract his lover, he brought his hand to his arousal again, wanting him to feel good.
The touch instantly demanded the older guitarist's whole attention and it was as if his being didn't know to which direction he should move. Kaoru began to pant, sweat gathering on his forehead when he signalled Die with a not too gentle kick of his heel against this butt that he could go on. "Okay. Just move and do what you did with your fingers."
The words made the younger man chuckle, and carefully he pulled back only to move forward again, taking the first thrusts slow and gentle. Rather soon, he started to pick up the pace though, his body demanding it. And he knew that it would get better for the other man as well.
At first, it still hurt a bit. Not much though and far less than Kaoru would have imagined it, considering the fact that Die really wasn't that small. But soon, he began to enjoy himself and found a way to move along with the rhythm, meeting the other man's thrusts half way. The incredible wave of bliss that rushed through him whenever Die struck that certain spot, made him want more, caused him to increase the pressure of his legs which were still hooked in the younger man's back.
Once Die had found the right angle, he kept it, wanting to provide the other man as much pleasure as possible. He was panting harshly already, the bliss that was coursing through him practically making his world spin. Still, most of his senses were directed at his lover, drinking in every single display of pleasure from him.
The whole moment was so intense, so intimate and so much filled with unknown pleasure that Kaoru was nearing the peak inexorably. Suddenly, he tilted his head and pressed a deep, sloppy kiss on his lover's lips when the sensations inside him were becoming too much, threatening to overpower him and drive him mad.
Only a split second later, he opened his mouth wide, breathing out. "Die, I-" But he never finished the sentence as the rest of it was drowned out by a deep, low groan which accompanied his orgasm. Shaking, he came between their bodies and then flagged, his chest heaving as he tried to get enough air in his lungs.
Almost at the same moment, the younger man reached his limits, the tightening muscles around his hardness being too much to take, making him cry out as it was simply overwhelming. He tensed violently, releasing himself as a wave of bliss blinded his senses for the few seconds.
Somehow feeling the other man spill his release inside him boosted the blissful state in which Kaoru was dwelling even more and he moaned again to voice his likes. Unable to speak just yet, he wrapped his arms around Die's shoulders and blindly planted a kiss somewhere on his skin.
Die practically collapsed on the other man, panting harshly. He was smiling moronically though, instantly turning to look at his lover. "Well..." He swallowed, trying to make his voice work. "Was it that bad?"
"Horrible!" Kaoru answered with a smirk and playfully bit into the other man's shoulder. "You really didn't lie," he admitted after a moment. "You're damn able."
"I'm happy I was able to satisfy you." The younger man laughed breathlessly, tilting his head enough to steal a short kiss from the other guitarist.
"For the time being," Kaoru added chuckling and took a deep breath. "Damn, if only I had known how good this can be, I would've made you screw me years ago already."
"We still have years ahead of us." Die's eyes were sparkling merrily as he turned to look his lover in the eye, smiling at him.
"Thank you for being so patient with me." The older man said seriously and got lost in his lover's deep brown eyes. "Years, huh?" He then asked, chuckling a bit again. "So you're planning on bearing me for longer?"
"You think I waited this long only to let you go then?" The younger man smirked playfully, leaning closer until their lips were almost touching. "Love you." As soon as the words left his lips he crossed the last distance, initiating a gentle kiss.
Author:
seinen_no and fonulynRating: NC17
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: Dir en grey has been playing in the US, and the stressful touring is finally getting to them. Kaoru in particular has troubles controlling his nerves and bad mood, caused by the awakening jealousy inside of him, something he doesn’t want to admit to anyone.
Comments:
seinen_no: Oh, we took quite long to post this, didn't we? Well, fonulyn and I've been busy and away a lot. I hope it's been worth waiting for. Finally you'll find out if they get some or not fonulyn: Apologies for taking so long with this, but don’t they say that good things are worth waiting for? ;) I hope that the saying goes with this too. Thanks for again sticking with us till the end, and I hope that you enjoy the end of this fic! And there’s new projects already running :D And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Previously happened: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
Chapter 5
Still, they were both more quiet than usual and once the two bands were sitting in the chosen bar, Kaoru began a shallow conversation with Kyo while Die directed his attention towards Pig. After some time, the lead-guitarist began to drink excessively, first downed several shots and then ordered one beer after another. It was his way to deal with the uncomfortableness and the insecurity.
Die didn't even drink much, somehow not in the mood to get wasted that evening. He knew that the more he drank, the easier people could read his expression and then he wouldn't be able to keep up the facade that everything was fine. At one point he shot a worried glance at the older guitarist, noticing that he drank far more than usually.
Although Kaoru felt his lover's glance, he didn't slow down in the least. He just wanted to forget the embarrassing, confusing and above all frustrating happenings of that evening and the alcohol did its part. After some time, he began to talk more than usual even and that was a sign that he truly was drunk and not only ditsy.
At one point, Die noticed that the other guitarist was beginning to be totally wasted and decided that they would better retreat then. It was late already so he just told the others he was tired, and it was obvious that Kaoru needed to get to bed and stop drinking for the evening. Grabbing his lover's arm, he urged him to get up intending on guiding him to the hotel room.
Kaoru followed him freewillingly, didn't even cause a major scene. He clung to Die all the way and was groping him openly, smiling with slightly reddened cheeks. When the redhead finally had managed to manoeuvre them both into his room safely, Kaoru suddenly detached from him, surprisingly swaying only a little bit.
"You know," he began, stripping off his jacket with an annoyed movement, then moving further to remove his shirt, "I'm so hot." The ambiguousness of his words were mirrored in his self-confident smirk.
"You got that one right." Die couldn't help but to chuckle at the words, shaking his head a bit. He folded his arms across his chest, leaning against the wall behind him. "You should've drunk a bit less."
"But I'm not drunk!" Kaoru insisted and popped the button of his jeans. With a slightly clumsy step, he dropped down on the bed and kicked his legs to get rid of the limiting garment. It flew halfway through the room before it landed right at the redhead's feet. Only then it came clear that Kaoru didn't wear boxers.
With much effort, he crawled into the middle of the bed, lay down on his back and based his feet on the mattress. "I said I'm hot and I want you to do me. Now!" As if to emphasize his words, he parted his thighs a bit further, allowing the other man a perfect view. If Die hadn't known the older guitarist, he could've thought that he was sober and at his senses, only asking for what he wanted.
Die averted his gaze down, swallowing before he spoke up. "Kaoru, don't... You're drunk." He turned to look up at the other man again. "Just get some sleep and we see about it some other time."
As it seemed, the remark didn't even reach the older man's brains completely and he only tilted his head. "I told you, I am NOT drunk." Then, he smiled and rolled over on his stomach. Struggling to get on his hands and knees, he turned his head to look at the other guitarist. "Better like this?"
"No," Frustratedly the younger man shook his head, rolling his eyes and moving a bit closer to the bed. "Please, just get some sleep now. I won't do anything when you're that wasted."
"But Die," Kaoru's voice sounded soft, almost pleading all of a sudden and he rolled over on his back again. "I really do want you. I need you... here." With saying the last word, he brought his hand between his legs, his hazed eyes gazing directly into the other man's.
It was hard for the redhead, as a big part of him wanted to just agree. But he didn't feel comfortable with it, since Kaoru clearly was totally drunk and it would've felt like taking advantage of him. "I'm sorry. But I won't screw you. Not now." He sat down at the edge of the bed, touching the smaller man's arm. "I want you, but not like this."
A smile ghosted across the older guitarist's face and he rolled a bit closer to the other man. "Die, c'mon, let go and just fuck me." He could be very convincing, almost as if he had only drunken soda the whole evening. In a swift movement, he brought his hand to the redhead's jeans, instantly pulling down the zipper. "No holding back anymore. No regrets."
"Kaoru!" Die jumped back a bit, shaking his head. "I mean it. Not now." Inwardly he was feeling somewhat pathetic though. Wasn't this exactly what he had been waiting for? And still he couldn't grab the opportunity.
Wordlessly, Kaoru crawled closer again, and to prevent Die from fleeing, sat down on his lap. "Why not? I know you want it as much as I do. I'm so horny...," he whispered into the redhead's ear and wrapped his arms around his neck. "Don't be such a spoil-sport and just throw me down and do what we both have been waiting for."
"How many times do I need to say 'no'?" Die sounded truly desperate, pushed the smaller man off his lap and stood up.
For a long moment, Kaoru stared at him with huge eyes and it looked as if he was going to cry any second. But then, he only turned around and covered himself with the blanket. "Then go and fuck yourself," he mumbled, obviously not pleased about his lover's self-control.
"Kao..." Die's voice was faint, but he wasn't in the mood to argue about that and just silently grabbed the spare blanket, intending on checking if the couch was good enough to sleep on it.
He didn't get an answer anymore, because the addressed apparently had fallen asleep already. He was lying there in an odd position, half on the side, half on his stomach, drool dripping on the cushion from his open mouth.
The redhead couldn't sleep at first, not knowing if he should be angry at the other man or himself. Finally he passed out though, into uneasy dreams.
The first time Kaoru woke up, he felt a throbbing pain in his head and the sun hurt his eyes. He was thirsty, more than that, but when he set out to get up and get himself something to drink, the pain in his head caused him to moan and he decided that he could hold out without water a little longer. Pulling the blanket over his head, he shut out the sunlight and tried to get some more sleep to get away from the pain.
He was still like that when Die woke up and, sighing a bit in defeat, the redhead got up, rummaging through his bag before he went to sit on the bed's edge. "Here." He offered the other man a glass of water, along with a painkiller.
"Make it two," Kaoru remarked and took the pill along with the water. Only then he spotted the blanket on the couch and blinked at the other man curiously. What had happened? He couldn't remember everything anymore, only that he had tried to make Die screw him. "Oh God!" he breathed out and brought his hand to his hurting head. "Why did you sleep on the couch?" he asked, fearing the answer, but still needed to know.
"Because you were trying to molest me." Die had dug out a smirk from somewhere. "And didn't take 'no' as an answer." He saw the humour in the situation now, although he still would've rather seen things go differently.
"I was molesting you and you still refused to screw me?" Kaoru sounded disbelieving and tried to remember the happenings of the previous night. In his mind's eye, he saw himself lying sprawled on the bed, asking the other to take him, but from then on, nothing. Only complete darkness.
"It wasn't easy, I assure you. You were very convincing. And touchy." Die moved further on the bed, leaning his back against the headboard and pulling his legs close to his chest.
"Why didn't you give in then?" Knowing the answer somewhere in his blurred mind, Kaoru still wanted to hear it from the redhead. Slowly, although his head was still aching, he moved towards the other man and carefully rested against him.
"I really, honestly want you, but not like that. Not when you're drunk and wouldn't remember anything of it the next morning anyways." Absent mindedly Die wrapped one arm around him.
"Die?" The older guitarist looked straight at him and took a deep breath. "I am really sorry that everything is so messed up. But when you put your fingers into me yesterday, it was so odd and I suddenly was friggin' afraid." He hesitated for a moment before he continued. "I mean, if two fingers are feeling weird already, how is it going to be when you are inside me? You're quite huge, you know."
The statement made Die smile, shaking his head a bit. "I take that as a compliment." He became more serious when he went on though. "It's not that bad. It only feels weird in the beginning."
"I know." Kaoru bowed his head, looking at his fingers which were toying with the blanket. "And I really want it; I really want you, but I was like blocked all of a sudden yesterday. Maybe I pushed myself too much, expected too much from us."
"It's alright. Really." Die sighed a bit, moving his other arm around Kaoru as well and pulled him a bit closer against him. "Just listen to me, okay?" He looked at the other man and after receiving a nod, went on in a silent but steady voice. "I'm not going to lie to you and say this isn't frustrating. But it doesn't mean I will just walk out on you if you don't let me screw you. It's not like I would be able to just undo all the feelings I have for you." He tried to get his incoherent thoughts out in even somehow comprehensible sentences. "I just... just tell me, is it always going to be like this?" He looked the older man straight in the eye, something like nervousness somewhere in his gaze.
For a few heartbeats Kaoru only looked at him silently, nibbling on his bottom lip. He had guessed how hard it was for the other man, because he felt with him. "No." The answer was firm and clear, going along with a headshake. "It certainly won't be like this always." He reached out for Die's hand, linking their fingers before he returned his gaze to his face. "I didn't lie when I said that I love you and that I want you. I don't understand myself anymore and have no idea why I'm acting like this. C'mon Die, you know me. I'm neither a coward nor frigid and I am fed up with living chaste too. But this is so important to me, more important than anything ever in my life and I don't know how to break this wall that keeps me from acting like I want."
"I really meant it too when I said that you can have as much time as you want. It's not going to kill me." Die was still gazing his lover in the eye, completely honest. "But please, don't get my hopes high only to bring me down again. I... it really isn't a glorious feeling to always get pushed away."
"I can only say again that I'm sorry. Die, I truly was determined to pull it through yesterday. But maybe we should've tried other things before..." Kaoru lifted his head, breathing a soft kiss on the other man's neck. "And I promise you don't have to walk around horny. I can as well help you otherwise until we are given the perfect opportunity to get to the screwing. Besides," he allowed a small smile to tug his lips, "if we already let off some steam, we might not be too frustrated and everything flows more smoothly."
"That might work." The redhead chuckled. "It's not like we couldn't do anything else..." He shifted a bit into a more comfortable position, still holding the other guitarist close. "You know, if you're just afraid of it, maybe you should nail me first? Then you'd at least know how it is..."
The wording caused the smile on Kaoru's lips to widen, but he shook his head. "I know how it is to nail somebody. And I honestly really would want you to do me. I've been waiting for a friggin' decade for that to happen and now I won't allow my stupid subconsciousness to ruin it."
"Well, but the offer is still on for later too," the younger man smiled, as the mood began to relax somewhat now that they were just lying there closely and talking things through.
"Believe me," Kaoru winked smirking, "it's tempting. Call me stubborn, but I will only do you after I had my first time. I want to know what it does to you." Suddenly, he sat up, ignoring the still present headache. "Say, when you jerk off, you use a vibrator too? I always asked myself that..."
The question made Die laugh, and it took a moment before he got a grip of himself enough to answer. "So that's the thing you always wanted to know of me?" He was still chuckling, turning to look at the other guitarist, answering the question shortly. "Sometimes."
"Well," Kaoru chuckled, "that's the thing I never really dared to ask. But I looked through your drawers once," he gave away blushing. "Where the fuck do you hide this thing? Or do you have a collection?" Trying to suppress his laughter, he bit his bottom lip and looked at the redhead from sparkling eyes. The tension and the headache seemed forgotten for the time being at least, and it was good to just talk about sex this way.
"No, I'm not a collector." Die chuckled. "And it's usually in my closet, you know, where I keep my underwear and stuff."
Encouraged because the other man answered so freewillingly, Kaoru instantly came up with the next question. "You prefer girls or guys in bed?"
"What is this, a national 'ask Die of his sex-life' day?" The younger man rolled his eyes theatrically, but nevertheless answered the question after he had thought about it for a while. "I don't know, really, both have their sides..."
"It would be a bit boring to talk about my non-existent sex-life, don't you think? Yours is just so much more exciting." Kaoru answered grinning, pressed a short kiss on his lover's lips and then reminded. "Besides, you offered yourself that if I want to know anything, I should ask..."
"I know, I know. And I'm not going to take it back." The younger man's eyes were sparkling, as finally the tension between them seemed to be gone.
"Then tell me," there was a teasing undertone in Kaoru's voice, "when you're screwing with a guy, which position do you prefer?"
A slight blush appeared on the redhead's cheeks, but his grin didn't even falter. "Depends awfully lot on the mood... but maybe a bit more the top."
The older burst out laughing. "I see. You're all macho." The blush earned Die another peck on his hot cheek though and a pet on the head. "And what position, I mean like which way?"
"You know, I don't really have an absolute favourite when it comes to that." The younger man chuckled slightly. "It depends on who I'm with."
"What would you want with me?" Kaoru had become serious at a moment's notice and now inquired the other man with an arched eyebrow.
"I can't know before we try it all." The answer came with a playful grin at first, but then the redhead really stopped to think about it for a while, and when he spoke, there was a slightly dreamy expression on his face. "I guess I just want you sprawled out on the mattress beneath me. You're gorgeous, you know?"
The compliment caused heat to rise on the lead-guitarist's cheeks and he knew that he was blushing a deep red. He had always been quite confident with his looks, but hearing those words from the other man made his heart beat a bit faster and certain warmth to gather in his stomach. "Thank you." He smiled and had to chuckle when he noticed Die's dreamy expression. "I still say you could've noticed that earlier."
"Well, technically I noticed. But I just didn't act on it." Die pointed out with a merry grin.
"Tell me how I tried to convince you to screw me yesterday night?" Kaoru demanded, mirroring the grin. "I want to know how much self-control you have, so that I know how much effort I have to put into it the next time."
"You don't have to take much effort even, as long as you're sober." The younger man admitted instantly, knowing he wouldn't have resisted much then. "You just threw yourself at me, telling how hot and horny you are."
"Gods," Kaoru groaned as if something hurt him very badly. "I was that cheap? I would've somehow thought I have more imagination when it comes to things I want."
"Don't worry. My lips are sealed, I won't tell anyone." Die laughed, pressing a small kiss on Kaoru's lips.
"Thank you." The older guitarist said theatrically. "I don't know what I would've done if you had told anybody. This embarrassment..." He shook his head.
"Although I bet the guys would pay well for info like that...."
"One word and you'll live chaste for a very, very long time still."
"So you're threatening me? Instead of trying to bribe me..." The younger man pouted instantly.
"I would bribe you right away if my head wouldn't feel like a water melon that's been dropped from the 4th floor." Kaoru stated, smiling a bit.
"Don't worry. I have patience." Die's smile was back, and he closed his eyes, leaning back into the cushions. "Wanna sleep still?"
"If you stay here now and won't go back to the couch." The older man nodded, slid down a bit and pillowed his head on the cushion, his arm wrapped around the redhead's waist.
"Deal." The younger man nodded as well, somehow still tired. It didn't take long until they both drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
It didn't last too long though since the reception called to wake them up after some time. They had to leave to get their plane and reach the next venue. It was a drag, because both bands were suffering from a major hang-over. Luckily, they would soon play the final in Tokyo and then have some time off before they had to go to the studio to finish their new album so that the circle of life for a rockband could begin again.
The talk had somehow made both of the guitarists relax, and the frustration melted away at least somewhat. They were laughing and joking again, not stressing too much about the fact that they still hadn't managed to make it all the way when it came to sex.
But like Kaoru had promised, there were more ways to find satisfaction than the mere act itself and he stuck to it. Die was even somewhat surprised how straight-forward the older was once he forgot about his insecurities. He was even more surprised how able the other was when it came to providing pleasure with his hand or his mouth as he had never thought that Kaoru would be so comfortable with that.
All in all they were getting used to the situation, both enjoying the good sides of their relationship and growing more and more close to each other. They didn't stress about sex anymore, and it instantly showed in the way they were acting. Sometimes Die still thought about it though, but stuck to his promise and gave Kaoru all the time he needed.
The thing was, that Kaoru thought he didn't need more time, but after their disastrous try, he didn't know how to let his lover know he was ready. Besides, the closer the end of the tour came, the less free time they were having as everybody was stressing about the final show, the biggest one which would be filmed for DVD.
They had their hands full of work for the last couple of days, everyone doing their fair share and more. It had to be perfect, everything simply had to work out smoothly and without major flaws.
No matter how often they had played shows like that already, such a huge venue always made them nervous and meant twice as much work for the staff members. Kaoru kept an eye on everything and since he was so much more relaxed now, his relationship with the other guitarist heading the right way, he even could be friendly around Pig again. Since the American knew about the relationship, it was easier to approach him anyways. Besides, Wednesday 13 would leave Tokyo only a day after the last gig and so Kaoru used the opportunity to apologize to the other guitarist for his sometimes rude behaviour and for being so bitchy.
Pig didn't seem to mind Kaoru's past moody behaviour that much, and instantly told him it was alright. Seeing the two make up made Die feel good too, as to him it was a sign that things would work out eventually. It also meant that he had at least gained the older guitarist's trust, and that their relationship seemed to be growing stronger as well. The mood was getting better the closer the last show came, since pleasant anticipation stirred in them.
Kyo was happy to play at home again and to have the possibility to retreat to his own apartment afterwards. He liked touring in Japan, but to him there was no place like home. Seeing the vocalist so happy about that small fact somehow made Kaoru think and he made up his mind that tonight would be perfect to finally make the relationship between the redhead and himself a real one.
Die had no idea about what the other man was thinking though, he only noticed that Kaoru seemed to be in an extremely good mood that day somehow. They had agreed that they'd both go to Die's place after the show for the night, wanting to spend some time together.
That night, the show was extremely good and they all gave their best. Even Kyo was smiling and laughing in between, joking with Shinya and asking the audience to scream louder for them. It was a real blast and once it was over, they all were still high. Pig was waiting at the changing room, congratulating them for the good show. Kaoru had hugged his lover from behind, bouncing up and down a bit to express his splendid mood.
"That was so totally cool." Die was practically beaming, moving his hands back until he reached his lover's butt, to pull him even a bit closer. "So, when do you need to go?" He turned to address his American friend, something like slight melancholy in his tone. It had been nice to meet Pig, but he couldn't deny that it would also be nice to spend time with just Kaoru.
"My flight's leaving tomorrow early afternoon," came the answer with a smile. "So maybe we could go for a drink still?" Kaoru was chuckling a bit and pressed himself close against his lover's back. "I think we should go, Die," he stated. "Because I certainly won't go to the airport tomorrow to bid farewell."
"That sounds good. Any good suggestions where we could go?" The redhead was almost hyperactive, in a bouncy mood, and tilted his head to the side, planting a small kiss somewhere on his lover's face where he happened to reach.
"Batsu!" Toshiya screamed instantly, assuming he was invited to come along. The 'batsu' was one of those clubs where you sat in cell-like small recesses and got your drinks in test tubes or blood bottles. The waiters were dressed as nurses and doctors and one received an overall in case one entered the dance-floor because everybody spilled colour on you which was reacting with black light. "Wanna get dirty?" Kaoru asked his lover with a meaningful smirk.
"Well, why not." The answer came instantly with a merry chuckle. "Sounds just perfect." Almost everyone agreed on coming along, and soon they were just one big happy bunch, ready to go out and have fun.
They were taking taxis to get to the place not to cause an uproar in the underground. Luckily, the light in the batsu was dim and now that their haircolours and outfits were less extravagant than in the vk-times, they didn't attract that much attention anymore. Still, some people eyed the Americans curiously, but nobody approached them and they managed to get into one of the recesses without problems.
Like naturally Die instantly wrapped one arm around the lead guitarist, making him come a bit closer. He didn't even think about gestures like that anymore mostly, just acting on instinct. At least as long as he was sure that no stranger could spot them accidentally or, even worse, take a picture.
Kaoru enjoyed those gestures nevertheless as they came natural to both of them. He held back with the drinks and soon went over to something without alcohol, keeping an eye on his lover all the time. When Die was about to order another round of shots, he leaned over to him, whispering into his ear. "Maybe you shouldn't drink too much tonight..."
It instantly lit a sparkle in the redhead's eyes, and his constant smile widened even more. "That sounds kinda promising, you know..." The way the other had said it made clear he had something special in mind.
As an answer, Kaoru only grinned and gave him a short, but open-mouthed kiss while his hand caressed the redhead's inner thigh. It was important to him that Die didn't think he would back off again, because he surely had no intentions in doing so. Still, he didn't want his lover to be drunk, because that would make things impossible.
The younger man had no idea what exactly his lover had planned, since he didn't dare to believe yet what his mind told him at first. He was nevertheless already looking forward to when they'd retreat, obediently cutting down on his drinking instantly.
They still had a lot of fun that night, but when Pig and Toshiya began to tell perverted jokes, it seemed to be time to leave. Kaoru looked at the redhead from the side, smiling at him. "Wanna go home?" Midnight was long gone anyways and it wouldn't look like the two were fleeing the scenery. Still, Kyo grinned at them with his crooked teeth. "Wanna get laid, huh?"
"Exactly." Die winked merrily, winking at the small blonde. "Besides, it's late already." They said goodbyes to their friends, chatting for a moment still before retreating.
Kaoru even told Pig to come and visit them whenever he got the opportunity. It wasn't an empty promise as he thought his lover would like to meet his friend again soon. But then, he pushed Die out of the small place, directly into a waiting taxi which would bring them home. They were joking and laughing on their way, both in a good mood and totally relaxed, as they didn't remember when they had last had this much fun. It didn't even take long before they already were at the redhead's apartment.
After he had hung his jacket over a chair and slipped out of his shoes, Kaoru pulled the other man close to himself by his belt. "So," he purred with a soft smile, "this day was perfect, right?"
"Definitely close to that," Die admitted instantly, relaxing against the smaller man reflexively, enjoying the closeness already.
For a moment, Kaoru thought about how to begin this as he felt a bit stupid. "What would make it perfect perfect for you?" he finally asked, hoping the other would answer as he had assumed.
"Why?" The redhead chuckled and turned to face his lover better, wrapping his arms around his neck. "Would you believe me if I told you that having you here is enough?"
"Nope." Kaoru shook his head and planted a kiss somewhere on the other man's chin. When his lover didn't react in any way, he rolled his eyes. "Die... could you make this less hard for me and make me feel less odd?" He had to chuckle though as the younger guitarist just looked at him curiously like waiting for him to go on and explain his motives further.
"It would help if I knew what you are up to." Die leaned to plant a short kiss on the other man's mouth, instinctively shifting a bit so that he was standing even closer to him.
"I want you to make love to me," Kaoru whispered and then suddenly had to laugh. "For Christ’s sake, I want you to screw me finally."
"You mean it?" The redhead sounded a bit disbelieving, but couldn't hide his smile. Somehow he felt that the other man totally meant it this time, and it made a flock of butterflies flutter in his stomach.
"Gods." Kaoru growled and pushed his hand between Die's legs. "Believe me, I won't push you away anymore. Just be gentle, okay."
"Let's give it a try then." Die smiled, his eyes sparkling, and he took a good hold of the other man, lifting him up and stumbling towards the bedroom.
It caused Kaoru to chuckle and he began to unbutton his shirt on the way already. "Not even bride-style?" he mock-complained. "I'm disappointed."
"Want me to change that still." The younger man laughed, turning his head to look the older guitarist in the eye. "I do anything you want."
"Anything?" Kaoru smiled brightly, but didn't say what he had intended first and instead changed his mind. "Then pop my cherry, babe." He stressed the last word and underlined it with a smile that could've perfected the sun.
"Babe?" Die had to repeat it, but the way he was addressed made him just grin even more brightly. "I'll make this an unforgettable night for you, I promise." As soon as they were in the bedroom he carefully dropped his precious burden on the mattress.
"I hope you won't forget it either," Kaoru winked and backed himself up with his elbows to look at the other man. "Come here," he whispered, "You wear too many clothes."
Obediently the redhead crawled closer, his eyes locked on the other man's every move. He couldn't stop smiling, and not only because of the sweet anticipation. It was already contentment in itself to be able to be there with his lover.
Once he was near enough, Kaoru slowly slid both of his hands under his shirt, moving them upwards along the warm smooth skin until he quickly removed it. He was lying flat on his back, Die practically hovering above him and only feeling his breath wash over his face, seeing the small smile on his lips, caused a shiver down his spine. They had grown into loving each other and for some reason, Kaoru wasn't afraid anymore of what the night held for him.
As soon as the shirt was gone, Die leaned in to initiate a deep kiss, keeping the contact slow and gentle although it somehow still showed clearly how much he longed for the other guitarist. His hands were roaming all over Kaoru's skin, caressing everywhere he could reach, enjoying the feeling of soft skin beneath his fingertips.
The sensations the kiss evoked were shooting right through the older guitarist, right to his toes and then to his groin as it seemed. Die truly was a good kisser and once they had overcome the first slight problems, they had developed a common way.
As if to show him that he wanted to give himself as a gift, Kaoru let the other man dominate it, only playfully trying to take over control from time to time. Lost in the contact, he roamed his fingers over Die's chest to the belt of his jeans, undoing it without problems. Once he had opened the button and the zipper too, he moved his arms around his waist and slipped his fingers beneath the fabric, cupping the smooth buttocks in his palms while coevally sliding the pants down a bit.
The gesture made Die smile into the kiss, as somehow the whole moment felt more relaxed in a way than anything they had gone through before when it came to this. Tentatively, he moved a bit against the other man to bring their bodies closer, creating some friction with the movement. He had really meant it when he had said he wanted this to be an unforgettable event, and he wanted to give the other man everything he could.
But just thinking about the redhead and what he was doing caused Kaoru's head to spin and the need to rise. Automatically, his hips bucked up and he lifted his upper body in search for more closeness. Smiling as well, he finally pushed the other man's jeans down as far as he could reach, moving to the front to first softly brush along the arousal he found there and then drag the garment down further.
A soft sigh fell from the younger man at the touch, and he stilled in his movements for a while. He was yearning for proper skin on skin contact, determined that all their clothes needed to go as soon as possible.
As if Kaoru had read his mind, he looked at him straight with a wide smile. "Then help me get rid of the damn jeans..." To emphasize his plea, he wriggled a bit, lifted his butt and began to unbutton his pants.
Instantly the redhead obeyed, helping the other man to open his pants and pull the garment down only to discard it to the floor. He remained sitting for a while though, just letting his gaze roam over his lover's body, before leaning down and pressing a kiss somewhere on his thigh.
The intense look had brought more colour to Kaoru's cheeks than the kiss before already and it was as if his whole body was blushing. When he felt Die's lips on his skin, he automatically parted his thighs a bit further to offer him more room, to invite him and allow him to do as he pleased. Other than that, he remained completely still despite his more rapidly rising and sinking chest as he was unable to reach the younger man with his hands.
Die enjoyed the moment to no end, the way Kaoru was just offering himself and allowed him to do as he wished turned him on to no end. He took his time, kissing and nibbling his trail up the other man's thigh, before biting down near his hipbone. His hands were following a bit behind, palming the soft skin on the other guitarist's legs.
Soft sighs and low moans were mixing with Kaoru's laborious respiration every now and then and when Die's teeth struck his skin, a palpable shudder shook his body and he groaned out loud in pleasure. Apparently, he was extremely sensitive on that spot. He hadn't even known that himself before. The slow way in which Die was exploring his body equalled worshipping something precious and it made him feel special and aroused him even more.
Unable to resist the temptation, the younger man moved up until their faces were only separated by inches, smiling at the other man for a moment and simply drowning in his eyes. Then, he initiated a deep kiss, cupping Kaoru's cheek in his palm.
On their own, the older man's arms found their way around his neck to hold him near, to intensify the feeling and deepen the contact as far as possible. He lifted one leg, wrapped it around his lover's hip and slowly moved his foot along his calve. He had never felt this close to anybody mentally and physically and everything in Die's behaviour told him that he felt the same.
They took their time with the kiss, until the redhead broke it, his breathing already ragged somewhat. He stopped for a moment, looking at the other man like asking if he was allowed to go on. After receiving a smile, he moved a bit further, fumbling for something inside the bedside drawer.
Curious, Kaoru stretched his neck to take a look at what his lover was doing there. "What'cha looking for?" he finally asked, a bit out of breath himself. "This." Die turned back to on, presenting him a small tube of lubricant, before initiating a short but passionate kiss. "Makes things easier."
"Good." The older guitarist nodded contently and leaned back against the mattress. There was still a slight blush on his cheeks and a smile dancing on his lips when he lifted his pelvis a bit to give Die better access to his butt. Other than that, he left everything to the other man and only concentrated on remaining as calm and relaxed as possible.
The redhead pressed a bunch of wet kisses on the older guitarist's neck, right beneath his ear. "Just tell me when to slow down and I'll give you a moment, okay?" He scraped his teeth along the soft skin, but didn't yet begin the prepping and only guided one hand to the other man's arousal, lacing his fingers around it.
It took Kaoru by surprise and his eyes opened wide along with his mouth, a loud moan escaping it. Unable to speak at that moment, he only nodded quickly a couple of times to show that he had understood. The heat inside him had passed a certain point which slowly made it unbearable and all he knew was that he needed the other man to do something to put out the fire within.
As Kaoru seemed to be lost in a wave of pleasure Die guided his other hand to his butt, carefully sliding one finger inside. He had taken a generous amount of lube and it was somewhat cool, but he had neither the time nor the energy to do something about it right then.
That was the reason though why the older guitarist gasped, his muscles clenching around the redhead's finger automatically. "Cold," he explained, chuckling breathlessly. But after a moment, he relaxed again and nodded. "Go on, it was just the lube..."
The redhead nodded, initiating a kiss while moving his finger in the other, carefully stretching him further before adding a second finger. He scissored them, coevally trying to find the right spot to sweep over.
It was still odd to have something inside there, but when Die had found what he had been looking for, a wave of pleasure shot through Kaoru's being like electricity, caused his body to jerk up and a groan to resonate in his throat. "Oh God!" He tilted his head, grinning at his lover.
"Liked that?" Die grinned straight back at him, repeating the action as he now knew where to aim.
"Y-yeah," Kaoru grunted although the confirmation wasn't needed. His hips were bucking up as he pushed against the digits inside him, urging them deeper.
The younger man kept himself busy by nibbling on his lover's neck, simultaneously moving his fingers inside of him and lazily stroking his arousal. He wanted to prepare the other man as best as possible, but he was also greedy for any kind of reaction from him, loving the way he was writhing in his arms.
Soon, Kaoru forgot the initial uncomfortableness as his whole mind was filled with the feelings the other man made him go through. He had lost all his shame, was moaning and openly showing Die how he liked to be touched and how good he felt. The other man seemed to be all over him, his hands and lips in all the right places to drive him insane, places of which existence he hadn't known before; at least not in that way.
Not wanting to rush, Die took his time with it, and only when he was sure that the other man was as ready as he'd ever be when it came to prepping, he retreated his fingers and pecked his lover's lips. "Are you ready?" He had to ask still, not wanting to risk doing anything against Kaoru's will.
The question brought Kaoru back to reality partly and he looked his lover straight in the eye. Then, he let his gaze roam to the other man's arousal and arched an eyebrow, managing to form a smirk. "I hope so..." Still, he spread his legs a bit more and slid down, offering himself to the other man completely.
"Tell me if it's too much." It wasn't even an empty phrase, since when it came down to it Die would've stopped if he was asked to. Swiftly he shifted closer and coated his arousal with some lube before positioning himself at the other man's entrance. Initiating a deep kiss, he moved his hips, fluently invading his lover. The feeling made him groan into the kiss instantly, the almost painful tightness causing a wave of pleasure to run through him.
First, Kaoru's whole being tensed and he bit his lip hard as a flash of pain shot along his nerve tracks to his brains. "Fuck this hurts!" he voiced his current state, but wrapped his legs around his lover, not allowing him to pull back. "Just a moment, gimme a second," he breathed out and then focused on the lower part of his body, trying to make it relax by the force of his mere will.
Die planted a bunch of wet kisses along the other man's face, soothingly sliding his palms along his sides. "Just relax." He forced himself to stay still despite the desperate want to move. In hopes to distract his lover, he brought his hand to his arousal again, wanting him to feel good.
The touch instantly demanded the older guitarist's whole attention and it was as if his being didn't know to which direction he should move. Kaoru began to pant, sweat gathering on his forehead when he signalled Die with a not too gentle kick of his heel against this butt that he could go on. "Okay. Just move and do what you did with your fingers."
The words made the younger man chuckle, and carefully he pulled back only to move forward again, taking the first thrusts slow and gentle. Rather soon, he started to pick up the pace though, his body demanding it. And he knew that it would get better for the other man as well.
At first, it still hurt a bit. Not much though and far less than Kaoru would have imagined it, considering the fact that Die really wasn't that small. But soon, he began to enjoy himself and found a way to move along with the rhythm, meeting the other man's thrusts half way. The incredible wave of bliss that rushed through him whenever Die struck that certain spot, made him want more, caused him to increase the pressure of his legs which were still hooked in the younger man's back.
Once Die had found the right angle, he kept it, wanting to provide the other man as much pleasure as possible. He was panting harshly already, the bliss that was coursing through him practically making his world spin. Still, most of his senses were directed at his lover, drinking in every single display of pleasure from him.
The whole moment was so intense, so intimate and so much filled with unknown pleasure that Kaoru was nearing the peak inexorably. Suddenly, he tilted his head and pressed a deep, sloppy kiss on his lover's lips when the sensations inside him were becoming too much, threatening to overpower him and drive him mad.
Only a split second later, he opened his mouth wide, breathing out. "Die, I-" But he never finished the sentence as the rest of it was drowned out by a deep, low groan which accompanied his orgasm. Shaking, he came between their bodies and then flagged, his chest heaving as he tried to get enough air in his lungs.
Almost at the same moment, the younger man reached his limits, the tightening muscles around his hardness being too much to take, making him cry out as it was simply overwhelming. He tensed violently, releasing himself as a wave of bliss blinded his senses for the few seconds.
Somehow feeling the other man spill his release inside him boosted the blissful state in which Kaoru was dwelling even more and he moaned again to voice his likes. Unable to speak just yet, he wrapped his arms around Die's shoulders and blindly planted a kiss somewhere on his skin.
Die practically collapsed on the other man, panting harshly. He was smiling moronically though, instantly turning to look at his lover. "Well..." He swallowed, trying to make his voice work. "Was it that bad?"
"Horrible!" Kaoru answered with a smirk and playfully bit into the other man's shoulder. "You really didn't lie," he admitted after a moment. "You're damn able."
"I'm happy I was able to satisfy you." The younger man laughed breathlessly, tilting his head enough to steal a short kiss from the other guitarist.
"For the time being," Kaoru added chuckling and took a deep breath. "Damn, if only I had known how good this can be, I would've made you screw me years ago already."
"We still have years ahead of us." Die's eyes were sparkling merrily as he turned to look his lover in the eye, smiling at him.
"Thank you for being so patient with me." The older man said seriously and got lost in his lover's deep brown eyes. "Years, huh?" He then asked, chuckling a bit again. "So you're planning on bearing me for longer?"
"You think I waited this long only to let you go then?" The younger man smirked playfully, leaning closer until their lips were almost touching. "Love you." As soon as the words left his lips he crossed the last distance, initiating a gentle kiss.
no subject
That's exactly what I told somebody else today. XD Can't remmember who it was though. x_x *mrs slow brains*