rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-09-13 09:19 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2007-09-13 09:19 pm
(no subject)
Title: Touched a Thousand Times; Chapter 4
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seinen_no and fonulyn
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: Dir en grey has been playing in the US, and the stressful touring is finally getting to them. Kaoru in particular has troubles controlling his nerves and bad mood, caused by the awakening jealousy inside of him, something he doesn’t want to admit to anyone.
Comments:
seinen_no: Well, what to say? Not much, I guess. Only that I friggin' look forward to seeing Diru in Amsterdam (that needed to be said again).
As to the story, I really pity our two here. They want to but somehow never really get there^^ But read for yourself and enjoy.
fonulyn: Gosh, I kinda pity them both here a hell lot. But well… problems are made to be solved, right? :D Just enjoy!
And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Previously happened: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Touched a Thousand Times
Chapter 4
Before the national tour began, the band had to meet a couple of times to discuss a few things. Kaoru and Die had agreed that they wouldn't mention their relationship just yet. It was still all too new and they were too occupied with processing the whole thing to be able to deal with the curious questions of their bandmates. Besides, they still hadn't gone further than mere kissing and a bit of petting. It annoyed both of them, but Kaoru just was too insecure to want to go all the way just yet.
They spent a hell lot of time together though, more than ever. Even when they were working during their free time they weren't far apart, sitting in the same room usually, both concentrated on what they were doing. Die had no explanation, but something in just having the other man near made him feel good. But it was beginning to be frustrating that they never got further than a few kisses and touches and although Die tried to give Kaoru time, it was getting more difficult for him to remain patient.
Soon, the tour began and with it, the guitarists were facing the problem of hiding their relationship. Although they were quite convinced that neither of their fellow bandmates would have anything against it, they still didn't want everybody to focus on them; especially because they still were living practically chaste.
Besides, hiding was exciting too. Sometimes, when they had separate hotel rooms, one of them would sneak into the room of the other at night, feeling like he did something forbidden. On the tour bus it was harder, but still they risked it and shared one of the too small bunks when the others were already snoring around them.
Everything went fine though, and no one caught them sharing a bed or anything equally suspicious. Once, Kyo saw Die sneak into the lead guitarist's room in the middle of the night, but as Die quickly explained something about their luggage getting mixed up he seemed to get away with it. At least none of the others ever said anything, and so the guitarists were glad and proud that they managed to hide so well.
The others were happy too since the two of them were getting along very well again and it was almost like in the old times. As a side-effect, Kaoru was far less moody than he had been lately and so everybody benefited from that.
When they were playing in Kyoto, they were meeting with Wednesday 13 and Pig again. Kaoru couldn't hide that he still wasn't pleased to meet the man who demanded so much attention from Die, but he was too high-spirited to let it show.
Pig managed to talk Die into showing him and the band some places around there in the evenings. It wasn't like the redhead knew the city well or anything, but as he knew the language at least he was able to take the Americans where they wanted to go. He didn't mind, although he would've wanted to spend more time with Kaoru. Still, it distracted him from the fact that the developing relationship between him and the lead guitarist seemed to be somewhat stuck, as they still hadn't moved past mere kissing.
Kaoru tried not to bother that Die hung out with the American band and instead spent some time with Kyo. The small vocalist loved that city and they had made it a habit to visit a few special places, whenever their schedule brought them there. But as the others staid around for more than one show, the old jealousy was seeping back into the older guitarist. Wherever Die showed up, there was Pig too and it began to annoy Kaoru that he didn't seem to have a minute alone with his lover.
One day when Kaoru went into Die's room and he found the two of them sitting on the bed, chatting animatedly, he only growled, turned on his heel and slammed the door shut behind him. That was the fist night after getting together which they spent separated without agreeing upon it.
It made Die even somewhat angry, and at first he thought he wouldn't go to the other guitarist to apologizes, but let him come to him instead. He still didn't get why Kaoru had just stormed out like that when he hadn't liked what he had seen instead of discussing it. But eventually Die ended up searching for Kaoru the next day, trying to carefully talk to him and see if he was still mad at him.
Of course Kaoru wasn't mad anymore. He had used the night to cool down. So when the other man now stood in front of him, being overly anxious not to say something wrong, he could only smile. "I'm sorry Die. Sometimes I'm bad tempered. But I still hate it that you only spend time with him and forget about me then." He didn't bother that it showed how insecure he still was about the redhead's feelings towards him and just spoke his mind.
"I really don't mean to leave you out," Die explained honestly. "And it would be nice if you spent time with us too. He's not going to be here for long, you know. Just try to bear with it for a while, okay?"
"It's not that I have anything against him personally," Kaoru explained with an excusatory smile. "So yeah, I promise to play nice from now on. And tonight, after the show, I will go out with you," he promised nodding and added quickly, "Oh, but the others said they'd come along too." He was relieved that their little quarrel seemed to be over now after they had talked about it.
"That sounds nice." The redhead smiled brightly, crossed the distance between them and pecked his lover's lips softly, now that he knew Kaoru wasn't mad anymore. "Let's have fun then." It was somewhat relieving in itself though, that they would all go and thus Kaoru would be too distracted to direct his anger at Pig again.
The evening was a bit hectic since something was wrong with the sound in the hall and they had to wait until Wednesday 13 could open for them. Still, everybody tried to remain cool and since they were all experienced, they managed quite well.
Die and Kaoru had just smoked a cigarette and were walking along the corridor towards the dressing room, when the lead-guitarist spotted Pig coming towards them. The American hadn't seen them yet and Die hadn't noticed him as well. Kaoru didn't know what caused him to suddenly grab the redhead's hand and pull him close into a deep kiss right where everybody could see them, but he somehow felt like marking his territory and show the other man that Die belonged to him.
It startled the redhead, as he totally hadn't seen that coming. He had still been thinking they were supposed to keep the relationship a secret, and this wasn't exactly fitting to that plan. Despite his frantic thoughts he slowly relaxed into the contact, not making a move to pull away. After all, would it really matter that much if the people around them knew about it?
The American had spotted them almost at the same moment when Kaoru had made his move, but had frozen because he didn't know how to react to any of what he saw.
Kaoru felt a bit bad to take advantage of Die like that only because he wanted to show Pig that the redheaded guitarist belonged to him, but as the kiss dragged on, he slowly forgot the initial intention and only lived for the contact that took his breath away and made his head spin.
Only when they parted, the younger man noticed who was standing just a few steps away from them, and the realization made him blush fiercely. He would've reacted that way no matter who would've seen them though, but in addition he had no idea how his American friend would take this, if it would change what he thought of him.
Before anybody could say a word, Toshiya appeared behind Pig and marched along the corridor. "Been about time," he remarked, winking at the two guitarists before he opened the door to the dressing room and vanished inside. Kaoru turned bright red as well, looking to and fro between Piggy and his lover.
"We - ... I -" Die stuttered, not knowing what to say right now, taking a nervous glance at the lead guitarist like trying to make him help him. He covered his insecurity mostly with a winning smile though. Pig didn't exactly seem to mind and mostly just looked utterly surprised.
"What he wants to say is," Kaoru began, offering a smile of his own, "that we're kinda an item and I hope it's no problem for you." Still a bit stunned, the American shook his head, finally getting out of his paralysis and approached them. "No, not at all. I just never... I didn't," he babbled, scratching his neck nervously.
The lead-guitarist pecked Die's cheek shortly and whispered. "I leave you to talk alone for a moment." With having said that, he followed Toshiya into the dressing room, thinking the two friends could use the time to talk things through shortly.
At first the statement made the redhead nervous, but it turned out to become a rather pleasant talk after all. Piggy didn't have anything against them or the general idea of the guitarists being a couple. He had just been totally stunned since he would've never guessed it on his own. Die only hoped that this would make Kaoru more relaxed amongst everyone now that the relationship was common knowledge.
It did, since Toshiya instantly had informed their other bandmates as well. None of them was surprised though and when Die and Pig entered the dressing room as well after their talk, Kyo greeted the redhead with a wink. "Took you quite long, you know. I thought you'd be quicker."
"Quicker?" Die answered him grinning, seemingly totally at ease with the situation already. "Well, you know the saying, good things come slowly."
"I see." The blond man nodded and Toshiya shook his head. "Tske, tske, we thought you never wanted to enlighten us. I'm a bit disappointed, Kaoru." The lead-guitarist looked at his lover, seeking help and then grinned. "We just didn't want to overextend you with too much information at once. I thought the fact that Die and I get along again was sufficient for the beginning."
"Besides," The redhead informed, moving to sit down on the old couch they had there. "If you all are as clever as you try to appear, you should've known it already."
"Oh, but we did," Shinya interfered. "We were only waiting for you to drop the bomb." Somebody knocked on the door and a staff member poked his head inside, informing that the problems were solved now and Pig had to get ready for the show. The tall American nodded and winked at the others before he left.
"Really Kao," Toshiya went on as if nothing had happened, "you were acting quite obvious lately. Especially in the US." The lead-guitarist didn't answer to that, but blushed a bit and quickly sat down next to the redhead.
Like naturally Die sneaked one arm around his waist, pulling him a bit closer. "Well, it still managed to pass me by unnoticed then..."
He received a chuckle and a headshake from the drummer. "You were the only one who didn't realize anything."
This time, Kaoru took on an admonishing tone. "If you all knew it, you could've hinted him something. It might've made things easier."
Kyo burst out laughing. "But Kao, don't you remember? We only talk about music and don't have a personal relationship with each other...."
"You have to make a new statement now," the redhead teased, turning to grin at the lead guitarist beside him.
"Sure." Kaoru nodded. "WE don't have personal relationships amongst the band and whenever I share the bed with Die, we only talk about music..."
Die almost said something like 'which would be the truth', but got a hold of himself in the nick of time. He had promised not to pressure the other. "You think they'd buy that?"
Similar thoughts were running through the older guitarist's mind, because that statement had left his lips more or less accidentally. Inwardly, he made up his mind that this really had to be changed. He wanted the other and it was unfair to make Die wait any longer. "I dunno. Maybe," he answered to the question a bit absently.
They didn't have the time to talk much then, as soon they had to be attending their jobs. The show took their minds off any possible disturbing thought for the time being at least. But then afterwards, when they were all packing up, Kyo made a comment about Die being eager to get out of there to get laid, which managed to darken the redhead's mood somewhat.
He knew it was just a joke, and that their friends probably thought they were screwing like merry bunnies, and he also knew that he shouldn't let this affect himself, and that things would work out eventually, but it became harder and harder for him.
Kaoru had heard the comment as well and he noticed Die's reaction to it. He was kind of stuck in the situation, still afraid to allow the other just to screw him and on the other hand overly horny himself. So when they reached the hotel, he just followed Die into his room, leaning against the door after he had closed it. He fumbled about his bag, obviously looking for something there.
It caught Die's attention almost instantly, and he turned to look at him curiously. "What are you doing?" He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyes still on the other man.
"I got something for you." Kaoru answered grinning and finally retrieved a small item from his bag. He approached the other, crouching down on front of him. Wordlessly, he stretched two keys towards him. "I thought that if something happens to me, you could take care of my plants." He hadn't been sure if this was too much commitment for Die at once, but he really wanted him to have the keys to his apartment. "The small one's for the door in the hall and the big for my apartment door."
The gesture made Die smile though, as this was definitely a new step in their relationship. Not the step he would've assumed to be the next, but he appreciated it nevertheless. "Thanks." He rewarded the other with a soft peck on the lips. "I will get you copies of mine, as a gift in return," he promised, smiling at the older man.
"But make sure to wrap them nicely." The older guitarist winked, stood up slowly and crawled on the redhead's lap. With a dreamy expression, he unzipped Die's sweat jacket, only to drop it on the floor, soon followed by his shirt. Planting a few firm kisses on his lover's neck, Kaoru worked his way to his ear. "I'm sorry that I made you wait so long...."
The words made Die's heart beat faster already, and his eyes widened slightly. Could it be? He didn't waste any time for asking questions though, thinking it would be best to take his chances when given. He slid his hands under the smaller man's shirt, only to move it upwards because he wanted to get rid of it. As Kaoru happened to tilt his head into a certain angle Die instantly initiated a deep, somewhat hungry kiss.
They had been this far already, even a bit further, but still there was a certain tension between them that made clear Kaoru was willing to give it a try finally. Still lost in the kiss which was totally dominated by the redhead, he pushed him backwards, coevally moving his hands downwards to unbutton his pants. Adrenalin was rushing through his veins and his heart went a thousand miles an hour when he finally slid off Die to push the fabric down.
The younger man kept his eyes locked on his lover, trying to somehow calm down his frantically beating heart. He couldn't believe it was finally happening, after all the waiting and trying. It was even a relief already, as he had begun to be frustrated since they'd been so stuck for so long. As soon as the older man moved closer again, Die grabbed the hem of his trousers, sliding the button open easily.
Kaoru's skin was on fire and all of his blood seemed to rush towards his groin. Both were breathing heavily already, but he remained still, waiting until the other got his pants opened completely. A part of him had been yearning for this as much as his lover and the need drowned out his fear and insecurity for the time being. They didn't say a word though, both afraid to break the moment with it.
Although they fumbled with the garments, the nervousness making them act somewhat carelessly, finally the clothes were cast aside, thrown somewhere to the floor. The younger man reached for the other, pulling him closer against himself, marvelling the feeling of skin on skin with all his senses.
The movement and the touch caused Kaoru's eyes to fall shut and a soft sigh spilled from his lips. Encouraged because everything had gone quite smoothly so far, he grinded his hips against the other guitarist's, the slight friction making him gasp and then groan sexily.
The sound alone was almost too much for the redhead, as everything in the other man just turned him on to no end. He let his hands slide along Kaoru's back, enjoying the feeling of the smooth skin, simultaneously tilting his head to steal another hungry kiss from him, simply needing him already.
Mewling into the contact, the older guitarist repeated the action, addicted to the feelings it evoked in him. His hands were all over the younger man, sliding over the taut chest to his soft stomach and the perfectly smooth skin of his sides. The kiss alone would've been enough though to arouse him, shooting through his being like electricity as it held something raw and demanding which Die hadn't shown so far.
For a while they just enjoyed the moment as it was, the slowly rising heat within being a sweet torment in its own way. Finally, Die got impatient though and rolled them over until he was lying on top of the other man, grinding against him to gain more friction for both of them.
Kaoru threw his head back and a louder moan pushed its way through his parted lips. His chest was heaving already and his hands were moving across the younger man's shoulders as if searching for something to hold on to. He could feel Die's arousal touch his own, felt how much the other one wanted him already.
The redhead ran his lips along Kaoru's neck, kissing and nibbling on the slightly sweaty skin, tasting the other. His scent was like closing in on him, everything just driving him mad. His every sense was directed to the older man and his reactions, like keeping an eye on him to see if this was really happening. Slowly, he guided his hand down between their bodies, running his palm over the other's groin.
On their own, Kaoru's hips bucked up, seeking for more friction. Unable to reach Die with his hand, he moved his leg a bit, lifting his knee to pay him back the same way. But he couldn't do much than to surrender to what the other did to him as he was pinned down on the mattress, practically unable to move. Somehow, this even turned him on, although he would have never thought so.
Somehow Die managed to make his voice sound even somewhat steady, although he was only breathing the words out. "Kao, I need you..." Somehow the few words included a plea, as the younger man was like asking for a permission to go further.
Hearing those words made Kaoru swallow hard and he looked up, directly into his lover's eyes. Still trying to think about a possible answer, his subconsciousness did that for him and he parted his thighs a bit further to make room for his lover. His mind was already so much blurred by pleasure, the need so high and he truly wanted this as well, wanted to feel all of the other man. At least that was what he thought.
Die gave him a quick smile, pecking his lips softly. He knew it was the first time for Kaoru, and was determined to make it as good as possible for him. Still moving his hand on the other man's arousal, he moved the other hand down to his butt, initiating a deep kiss to distract him while pushing one finger inside.
Kaoru tensed considerably. This was different from how he had imagined it. It didn't hurt, no, but it was odd and it was even more odd when the other began to move the digit inside him. He forced himself to remain calm, tried to relax and focus on the kiss, but didn't quite succeed. When Die pushed a second finger into him, he panicked, broke the kiss and shook his head. "Stop, stop!" Pressing both of his palms against the other's chest, he pushed him away. "I- ... I can't."
Die startled, his lust and pleasure hazed brains not realizing straight away what had happened. He fell backwards a bit, stumbling to gain back his balance. "What's wrong?" He forced himself to get a grip, looking at the other a bit worriedly even. Had he missed something?
"This ... this is just too weird." Kaoru shook his head still and sat up a bit. His chest was heaving, the just experienced pleasure that had been coursing through his veins drowned out by the shock. Apparently, he hadn't been prepared for that mentally. "I'm sorry. I think I'm not ready yet." He whispered excusatory.
The younger man shook his head, rubbing his temples with his fingers and trying to force his body to cool down. "Not ready yet, huh?" He couldn't keep the slight bitterness away from his voice, sounding utterly frustrated. "I don't get it! How can you be not ready, if you fucking waited for this for years? When will you be ready then?" He looked up at the other, straight in the eye. "When? Or will it never happen?"
Kaoru bit his lip, shocked by Die's harsh words. "I'm sorry," he repeated, casting his eyes down. "It's not that I don't want to, it's only that ... I dunno." He looked up, searching for the other man's gaze. "Please don't be mad." After taking a deep breath, he reached out his hand to touch Die's face with his fingertips.
Die turned his head, dodging the touch. He knew he was acting unfair, but he couldn't help it, the disappointment weighing too heavy right at that moment. "I'm not mad." He tried to make his voice sound as calm as possible. "Just gimme a moment to calm down."
The older guitarist felt utterly miserable, and above all frustrated. He had wanted it so badly himself and after a few moments had passed, he didn't know anymore why he had acted so forcefully. Carefully, he moved closer to Die and wrapped his arms around him, whispering. "Maybe we could try it again?"
"I - " The younger man hung his head, closing his eyes. "I don't think it's a good idea." Honestly speaking, he wasn't sure if he could take being rejected again like that. Not that soon at least. If it had been anyone else but Kaoru, he would've let go longest, but this meant too much to him to let something like that come and ruin it.
"Then let me help you otherwise." While Kaoru spoke, he roamed one hand down to the other's arousal and before Die could push him away, laced his fingers around it one by one. His heart was still pounding frantically and there was a dangerous cocktail of mixed emotions coursing through him. Maybe he was so inhibited, because he wanted it to be perfect, because it meant so much to him and he had been waiting for so many years; enough time to envision it as something perfect.
Die had already been about to say that it wasn't needed, that he would be able to get a grip on himself eventually, but when he felt the touch, his eyes fell shut, a small groan escaping his throat on its own.
"I love you." It was the first time that Kaoru really said those words and not only spoke about being in love with the other man. To emphasize his seriousness, he gave Die a gentle kiss, slowly moving his hand on his arousal. The soft noises that were resonating in the air turned into louder ones and Kaoru had to admit that he loved to hear those confessions of pleasure. But suddenly, the moment was broken as somebody knocked on the door forcefully.
"Fuck!" Die cursed, the frustration hitting him full force as he realized that there was someone on the door, apparently impatient since it only took a few seconds before another harsh knock sounded in the air. It was beginning to be too much to take, and Die was sure that with enough frustration he'd die one day.
"We can ignore it," the older guitarist offered quietly, not making a move to get away from his lover. But when he heard Toshiya's voice behind the door calling for them, he looked to and fro between the redhead and the door.
Finally, he gave Die a short kiss. "Just stay like this, I'm back in a second." Quickly, he covered the short distance to the door and opened it a small gap, hiding his naked form behind it. "Tosh, what do you want?"
The bassist smiled. "Our car'll be here in a moment and Pig asked if we all go to the club together." The lead-guitarist growled dangerously. "Give us a moment, we'll be there." He knew that his lover had promised to go to the club and so had he, but right at that moment, he would've preferred to stay safely in the room and try to work on their relationship.
"A moment? How long will that be?" Toshiya arched an eyebrow, but after receiving an annoyed glare from the lead guitarist he just raised his hands. "Forget that I asked. You can have ten minutes." The bassist was gone almost as quickly as he had come, heading to inform the others about the slight delay.
"Ten minutes," Kaoru repeated, crawling back onto the bed. "Are ten minutes enough for you?" He knew how frustrating it would be for the younger man to just cut it and usually ten minutes were sufficient, but with all the stress, he wasn't so sure.
"I have no idea." Die drew a deep breath, covering his eyes with his arm. "Maybe it would be the best if I just took a cold shower."
"No, I don't think so." Kaoru sounded determined, pushed the other back against the cushions and instead of bringing his hand back to the arousal, used his mouth. But then, another knock sounded at their door, accompanied by the not too pleased voice of their vocalist. "Let's go. I was persuaded to go too and I want to get over with it!"
The redhead was completely sure he would just cry, as everything seemed to be against them. Hadn't it been enough for this evening already? But there wasn't much they were able to do, with a persistent vocalist still knocking on the door and telling them to hurry.
The older man looked deeply compassionate and utterly miserable when he withdrew his head, closing his eyes. "Kyo, get the fuck into the lobby and wait there!" he yelled, before turning to his lover again. "I'm so sorry. Wanna take a cold shower now?"
"I don't think I have a choice." Die looked like a picture of misery, the frustration mixing with everything and making him want to just break something. He forced himself to get on his feet though, heading to the bathroom and just trying to get a hold of himself.
Kaoru followed him with his eyes and then slowly stood up to get dressed as well. He felt bad, and moreover he felt like he had let the other man down. All he could do now was to hope that this hadn't destroyed anything between them and that the other guitarist didn't think he wouldn't trust him, because that certainly wasn’t the case.
Though Kaoru really didn't feel like going out, his sense of duty didn't allow him to back off. Besides, if the redhead managed after such a disastrous evening, he could do that as well.
It took a long while before the younger guitarist returned from the bathroom, silently getting ready for going out. He didn't know what to think at this moment, a confusing mix of emotions in him. Technically, he didn't blame the older guitarist for anything, knowing it was hard on him to adjust to the situation. But he wasn't sure how long he could take always being pushed away the last minute. That was the worst, being on guard all the time fearing the moment might end any second. He still wasn't willing to let go though, and tried hard not to direct his disappointment at the older man.
Author:
seinen_no and fonulynRating: NC17
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: Dir en grey has been playing in the US, and the stressful touring is finally getting to them. Kaoru in particular has troubles controlling his nerves and bad mood, caused by the awakening jealousy inside of him, something he doesn’t want to admit to anyone.
Comments:
seinen_no: Well, what to say? Not much, I guess. Only that I friggin' look forward to seeing Diru in Amsterdam (that needed to be said again). As to the story, I really pity our two here. They want to but somehow never really get there^^ But read for yourself and enjoy.
fonulyn: Gosh, I kinda pity them both here a hell lot. But well… problems are made to be solved, right? :D Just enjoy!And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Previously happened: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Chapter 4
Before the national tour began, the band had to meet a couple of times to discuss a few things. Kaoru and Die had agreed that they wouldn't mention their relationship just yet. It was still all too new and they were too occupied with processing the whole thing to be able to deal with the curious questions of their bandmates. Besides, they still hadn't gone further than mere kissing and a bit of petting. It annoyed both of them, but Kaoru just was too insecure to want to go all the way just yet.
They spent a hell lot of time together though, more than ever. Even when they were working during their free time they weren't far apart, sitting in the same room usually, both concentrated on what they were doing. Die had no explanation, but something in just having the other man near made him feel good. But it was beginning to be frustrating that they never got further than a few kisses and touches and although Die tried to give Kaoru time, it was getting more difficult for him to remain patient.
Soon, the tour began and with it, the guitarists were facing the problem of hiding their relationship. Although they were quite convinced that neither of their fellow bandmates would have anything against it, they still didn't want everybody to focus on them; especially because they still were living practically chaste.
Besides, hiding was exciting too. Sometimes, when they had separate hotel rooms, one of them would sneak into the room of the other at night, feeling like he did something forbidden. On the tour bus it was harder, but still they risked it and shared one of the too small bunks when the others were already snoring around them.
Everything went fine though, and no one caught them sharing a bed or anything equally suspicious. Once, Kyo saw Die sneak into the lead guitarist's room in the middle of the night, but as Die quickly explained something about their luggage getting mixed up he seemed to get away with it. At least none of the others ever said anything, and so the guitarists were glad and proud that they managed to hide so well.
The others were happy too since the two of them were getting along very well again and it was almost like in the old times. As a side-effect, Kaoru was far less moody than he had been lately and so everybody benefited from that.
When they were playing in Kyoto, they were meeting with Wednesday 13 and Pig again. Kaoru couldn't hide that he still wasn't pleased to meet the man who demanded so much attention from Die, but he was too high-spirited to let it show.
Pig managed to talk Die into showing him and the band some places around there in the evenings. It wasn't like the redhead knew the city well or anything, but as he knew the language at least he was able to take the Americans where they wanted to go. He didn't mind, although he would've wanted to spend more time with Kaoru. Still, it distracted him from the fact that the developing relationship between him and the lead guitarist seemed to be somewhat stuck, as they still hadn't moved past mere kissing.
Kaoru tried not to bother that Die hung out with the American band and instead spent some time with Kyo. The small vocalist loved that city and they had made it a habit to visit a few special places, whenever their schedule brought them there. But as the others staid around for more than one show, the old jealousy was seeping back into the older guitarist. Wherever Die showed up, there was Pig too and it began to annoy Kaoru that he didn't seem to have a minute alone with his lover.
One day when Kaoru went into Die's room and he found the two of them sitting on the bed, chatting animatedly, he only growled, turned on his heel and slammed the door shut behind him. That was the fist night after getting together which they spent separated without agreeing upon it.
It made Die even somewhat angry, and at first he thought he wouldn't go to the other guitarist to apologizes, but let him come to him instead. He still didn't get why Kaoru had just stormed out like that when he hadn't liked what he had seen instead of discussing it. But eventually Die ended up searching for Kaoru the next day, trying to carefully talk to him and see if he was still mad at him.
Of course Kaoru wasn't mad anymore. He had used the night to cool down. So when the other man now stood in front of him, being overly anxious not to say something wrong, he could only smile. "I'm sorry Die. Sometimes I'm bad tempered. But I still hate it that you only spend time with him and forget about me then." He didn't bother that it showed how insecure he still was about the redhead's feelings towards him and just spoke his mind.
"I really don't mean to leave you out," Die explained honestly. "And it would be nice if you spent time with us too. He's not going to be here for long, you know. Just try to bear with it for a while, okay?"
"It's not that I have anything against him personally," Kaoru explained with an excusatory smile. "So yeah, I promise to play nice from now on. And tonight, after the show, I will go out with you," he promised nodding and added quickly, "Oh, but the others said they'd come along too." He was relieved that their little quarrel seemed to be over now after they had talked about it.
"That sounds nice." The redhead smiled brightly, crossed the distance between them and pecked his lover's lips softly, now that he knew Kaoru wasn't mad anymore. "Let's have fun then." It was somewhat relieving in itself though, that they would all go and thus Kaoru would be too distracted to direct his anger at Pig again.
The evening was a bit hectic since something was wrong with the sound in the hall and they had to wait until Wednesday 13 could open for them. Still, everybody tried to remain cool and since they were all experienced, they managed quite well.
Die and Kaoru had just smoked a cigarette and were walking along the corridor towards the dressing room, when the lead-guitarist spotted Pig coming towards them. The American hadn't seen them yet and Die hadn't noticed him as well. Kaoru didn't know what caused him to suddenly grab the redhead's hand and pull him close into a deep kiss right where everybody could see them, but he somehow felt like marking his territory and show the other man that Die belonged to him.
It startled the redhead, as he totally hadn't seen that coming. He had still been thinking they were supposed to keep the relationship a secret, and this wasn't exactly fitting to that plan. Despite his frantic thoughts he slowly relaxed into the contact, not making a move to pull away. After all, would it really matter that much if the people around them knew about it?
The American had spotted them almost at the same moment when Kaoru had made his move, but had frozen because he didn't know how to react to any of what he saw.
Kaoru felt a bit bad to take advantage of Die like that only because he wanted to show Pig that the redheaded guitarist belonged to him, but as the kiss dragged on, he slowly forgot the initial intention and only lived for the contact that took his breath away and made his head spin.
Only when they parted, the younger man noticed who was standing just a few steps away from them, and the realization made him blush fiercely. He would've reacted that way no matter who would've seen them though, but in addition he had no idea how his American friend would take this, if it would change what he thought of him.
Before anybody could say a word, Toshiya appeared behind Pig and marched along the corridor. "Been about time," he remarked, winking at the two guitarists before he opened the door to the dressing room and vanished inside. Kaoru turned bright red as well, looking to and fro between Piggy and his lover.
"We - ... I -" Die stuttered, not knowing what to say right now, taking a nervous glance at the lead guitarist like trying to make him help him. He covered his insecurity mostly with a winning smile though. Pig didn't exactly seem to mind and mostly just looked utterly surprised.
"What he wants to say is," Kaoru began, offering a smile of his own, "that we're kinda an item and I hope it's no problem for you." Still a bit stunned, the American shook his head, finally getting out of his paralysis and approached them. "No, not at all. I just never... I didn't," he babbled, scratching his neck nervously.
The lead-guitarist pecked Die's cheek shortly and whispered. "I leave you to talk alone for a moment." With having said that, he followed Toshiya into the dressing room, thinking the two friends could use the time to talk things through shortly.
At first the statement made the redhead nervous, but it turned out to become a rather pleasant talk after all. Piggy didn't have anything against them or the general idea of the guitarists being a couple. He had just been totally stunned since he would've never guessed it on his own. Die only hoped that this would make Kaoru more relaxed amongst everyone now that the relationship was common knowledge.
It did, since Toshiya instantly had informed their other bandmates as well. None of them was surprised though and when Die and Pig entered the dressing room as well after their talk, Kyo greeted the redhead with a wink. "Took you quite long, you know. I thought you'd be quicker."
"Quicker?" Die answered him grinning, seemingly totally at ease with the situation already. "Well, you know the saying, good things come slowly."
"I see." The blond man nodded and Toshiya shook his head. "Tske, tske, we thought you never wanted to enlighten us. I'm a bit disappointed, Kaoru." The lead-guitarist looked at his lover, seeking help and then grinned. "We just didn't want to overextend you with too much information at once. I thought the fact that Die and I get along again was sufficient for the beginning."
"Besides," The redhead informed, moving to sit down on the old couch they had there. "If you all are as clever as you try to appear, you should've known it already."
"Oh, but we did," Shinya interfered. "We were only waiting for you to drop the bomb." Somebody knocked on the door and a staff member poked his head inside, informing that the problems were solved now and Pig had to get ready for the show. The tall American nodded and winked at the others before he left.
"Really Kao," Toshiya went on as if nothing had happened, "you were acting quite obvious lately. Especially in the US." The lead-guitarist didn't answer to that, but blushed a bit and quickly sat down next to the redhead.
Like naturally Die sneaked one arm around his waist, pulling him a bit closer. "Well, it still managed to pass me by unnoticed then..."
He received a chuckle and a headshake from the drummer. "You were the only one who didn't realize anything."
This time, Kaoru took on an admonishing tone. "If you all knew it, you could've hinted him something. It might've made things easier."
Kyo burst out laughing. "But Kao, don't you remember? We only talk about music and don't have a personal relationship with each other...."
"You have to make a new statement now," the redhead teased, turning to grin at the lead guitarist beside him.
"Sure." Kaoru nodded. "WE don't have personal relationships amongst the band and whenever I share the bed with Die, we only talk about music..."
Die almost said something like 'which would be the truth', but got a hold of himself in the nick of time. He had promised not to pressure the other. "You think they'd buy that?"
Similar thoughts were running through the older guitarist's mind, because that statement had left his lips more or less accidentally. Inwardly, he made up his mind that this really had to be changed. He wanted the other and it was unfair to make Die wait any longer. "I dunno. Maybe," he answered to the question a bit absently.
They didn't have the time to talk much then, as soon they had to be attending their jobs. The show took their minds off any possible disturbing thought for the time being at least. But then afterwards, when they were all packing up, Kyo made a comment about Die being eager to get out of there to get laid, which managed to darken the redhead's mood somewhat.
He knew it was just a joke, and that their friends probably thought they were screwing like merry bunnies, and he also knew that he shouldn't let this affect himself, and that things would work out eventually, but it became harder and harder for him.
Kaoru had heard the comment as well and he noticed Die's reaction to it. He was kind of stuck in the situation, still afraid to allow the other just to screw him and on the other hand overly horny himself. So when they reached the hotel, he just followed Die into his room, leaning against the door after he had closed it. He fumbled about his bag, obviously looking for something there.
It caught Die's attention almost instantly, and he turned to look at him curiously. "What are you doing?" He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyes still on the other man.
"I got something for you." Kaoru answered grinning and finally retrieved a small item from his bag. He approached the other, crouching down on front of him. Wordlessly, he stretched two keys towards him. "I thought that if something happens to me, you could take care of my plants." He hadn't been sure if this was too much commitment for Die at once, but he really wanted him to have the keys to his apartment. "The small one's for the door in the hall and the big for my apartment door."
The gesture made Die smile though, as this was definitely a new step in their relationship. Not the step he would've assumed to be the next, but he appreciated it nevertheless. "Thanks." He rewarded the other with a soft peck on the lips. "I will get you copies of mine, as a gift in return," he promised, smiling at the older man.
"But make sure to wrap them nicely." The older guitarist winked, stood up slowly and crawled on the redhead's lap. With a dreamy expression, he unzipped Die's sweat jacket, only to drop it on the floor, soon followed by his shirt. Planting a few firm kisses on his lover's neck, Kaoru worked his way to his ear. "I'm sorry that I made you wait so long...."
The words made Die's heart beat faster already, and his eyes widened slightly. Could it be? He didn't waste any time for asking questions though, thinking it would be best to take his chances when given. He slid his hands under the smaller man's shirt, only to move it upwards because he wanted to get rid of it. As Kaoru happened to tilt his head into a certain angle Die instantly initiated a deep, somewhat hungry kiss.
They had been this far already, even a bit further, but still there was a certain tension between them that made clear Kaoru was willing to give it a try finally. Still lost in the kiss which was totally dominated by the redhead, he pushed him backwards, coevally moving his hands downwards to unbutton his pants. Adrenalin was rushing through his veins and his heart went a thousand miles an hour when he finally slid off Die to push the fabric down.
The younger man kept his eyes locked on his lover, trying to somehow calm down his frantically beating heart. He couldn't believe it was finally happening, after all the waiting and trying. It was even a relief already, as he had begun to be frustrated since they'd been so stuck for so long. As soon as the older man moved closer again, Die grabbed the hem of his trousers, sliding the button open easily.
Kaoru's skin was on fire and all of his blood seemed to rush towards his groin. Both were breathing heavily already, but he remained still, waiting until the other got his pants opened completely. A part of him had been yearning for this as much as his lover and the need drowned out his fear and insecurity for the time being. They didn't say a word though, both afraid to break the moment with it.
Although they fumbled with the garments, the nervousness making them act somewhat carelessly, finally the clothes were cast aside, thrown somewhere to the floor. The younger man reached for the other, pulling him closer against himself, marvelling the feeling of skin on skin with all his senses.
The movement and the touch caused Kaoru's eyes to fall shut and a soft sigh spilled from his lips. Encouraged because everything had gone quite smoothly so far, he grinded his hips against the other guitarist's, the slight friction making him gasp and then groan sexily.
The sound alone was almost too much for the redhead, as everything in the other man just turned him on to no end. He let his hands slide along Kaoru's back, enjoying the feeling of the smooth skin, simultaneously tilting his head to steal another hungry kiss from him, simply needing him already.
Mewling into the contact, the older guitarist repeated the action, addicted to the feelings it evoked in him. His hands were all over the younger man, sliding over the taut chest to his soft stomach and the perfectly smooth skin of his sides. The kiss alone would've been enough though to arouse him, shooting through his being like electricity as it held something raw and demanding which Die hadn't shown so far.
For a while they just enjoyed the moment as it was, the slowly rising heat within being a sweet torment in its own way. Finally, Die got impatient though and rolled them over until he was lying on top of the other man, grinding against him to gain more friction for both of them.
Kaoru threw his head back and a louder moan pushed its way through his parted lips. His chest was heaving already and his hands were moving across the younger man's shoulders as if searching for something to hold on to. He could feel Die's arousal touch his own, felt how much the other one wanted him already.
The redhead ran his lips along Kaoru's neck, kissing and nibbling on the slightly sweaty skin, tasting the other. His scent was like closing in on him, everything just driving him mad. His every sense was directed to the older man and his reactions, like keeping an eye on him to see if this was really happening. Slowly, he guided his hand down between their bodies, running his palm over the other's groin.
On their own, Kaoru's hips bucked up, seeking for more friction. Unable to reach Die with his hand, he moved his leg a bit, lifting his knee to pay him back the same way. But he couldn't do much than to surrender to what the other did to him as he was pinned down on the mattress, practically unable to move. Somehow, this even turned him on, although he would have never thought so.
Somehow Die managed to make his voice sound even somewhat steady, although he was only breathing the words out. "Kao, I need you..." Somehow the few words included a plea, as the younger man was like asking for a permission to go further.
Hearing those words made Kaoru swallow hard and he looked up, directly into his lover's eyes. Still trying to think about a possible answer, his subconsciousness did that for him and he parted his thighs a bit further to make room for his lover. His mind was already so much blurred by pleasure, the need so high and he truly wanted this as well, wanted to feel all of the other man. At least that was what he thought.
Die gave him a quick smile, pecking his lips softly. He knew it was the first time for Kaoru, and was determined to make it as good as possible for him. Still moving his hand on the other man's arousal, he moved the other hand down to his butt, initiating a deep kiss to distract him while pushing one finger inside.
Kaoru tensed considerably. This was different from how he had imagined it. It didn't hurt, no, but it was odd and it was even more odd when the other began to move the digit inside him. He forced himself to remain calm, tried to relax and focus on the kiss, but didn't quite succeed. When Die pushed a second finger into him, he panicked, broke the kiss and shook his head. "Stop, stop!" Pressing both of his palms against the other's chest, he pushed him away. "I- ... I can't."
Die startled, his lust and pleasure hazed brains not realizing straight away what had happened. He fell backwards a bit, stumbling to gain back his balance. "What's wrong?" He forced himself to get a grip, looking at the other a bit worriedly even. Had he missed something?
"This ... this is just too weird." Kaoru shook his head still and sat up a bit. His chest was heaving, the just experienced pleasure that had been coursing through his veins drowned out by the shock. Apparently, he hadn't been prepared for that mentally. "I'm sorry. I think I'm not ready yet." He whispered excusatory.
The younger man shook his head, rubbing his temples with his fingers and trying to force his body to cool down. "Not ready yet, huh?" He couldn't keep the slight bitterness away from his voice, sounding utterly frustrated. "I don't get it! How can you be not ready, if you fucking waited for this for years? When will you be ready then?" He looked up at the other, straight in the eye. "When? Or will it never happen?"
Kaoru bit his lip, shocked by Die's harsh words. "I'm sorry," he repeated, casting his eyes down. "It's not that I don't want to, it's only that ... I dunno." He looked up, searching for the other man's gaze. "Please don't be mad." After taking a deep breath, he reached out his hand to touch Die's face with his fingertips.
Die turned his head, dodging the touch. He knew he was acting unfair, but he couldn't help it, the disappointment weighing too heavy right at that moment. "I'm not mad." He tried to make his voice sound as calm as possible. "Just gimme a moment to calm down."
The older guitarist felt utterly miserable, and above all frustrated. He had wanted it so badly himself and after a few moments had passed, he didn't know anymore why he had acted so forcefully. Carefully, he moved closer to Die and wrapped his arms around him, whispering. "Maybe we could try it again?"
"I - " The younger man hung his head, closing his eyes. "I don't think it's a good idea." Honestly speaking, he wasn't sure if he could take being rejected again like that. Not that soon at least. If it had been anyone else but Kaoru, he would've let go longest, but this meant too much to him to let something like that come and ruin it.
"Then let me help you otherwise." While Kaoru spoke, he roamed one hand down to the other's arousal and before Die could push him away, laced his fingers around it one by one. His heart was still pounding frantically and there was a dangerous cocktail of mixed emotions coursing through him. Maybe he was so inhibited, because he wanted it to be perfect, because it meant so much to him and he had been waiting for so many years; enough time to envision it as something perfect.
Die had already been about to say that it wasn't needed, that he would be able to get a grip on himself eventually, but when he felt the touch, his eyes fell shut, a small groan escaping his throat on its own.
"I love you." It was the first time that Kaoru really said those words and not only spoke about being in love with the other man. To emphasize his seriousness, he gave Die a gentle kiss, slowly moving his hand on his arousal. The soft noises that were resonating in the air turned into louder ones and Kaoru had to admit that he loved to hear those confessions of pleasure. But suddenly, the moment was broken as somebody knocked on the door forcefully.
"Fuck!" Die cursed, the frustration hitting him full force as he realized that there was someone on the door, apparently impatient since it only took a few seconds before another harsh knock sounded in the air. It was beginning to be too much to take, and Die was sure that with enough frustration he'd die one day.
"We can ignore it," the older guitarist offered quietly, not making a move to get away from his lover. But when he heard Toshiya's voice behind the door calling for them, he looked to and fro between the redhead and the door.
Finally, he gave Die a short kiss. "Just stay like this, I'm back in a second." Quickly, he covered the short distance to the door and opened it a small gap, hiding his naked form behind it. "Tosh, what do you want?"
The bassist smiled. "Our car'll be here in a moment and Pig asked if we all go to the club together." The lead-guitarist growled dangerously. "Give us a moment, we'll be there." He knew that his lover had promised to go to the club and so had he, but right at that moment, he would've preferred to stay safely in the room and try to work on their relationship.
"A moment? How long will that be?" Toshiya arched an eyebrow, but after receiving an annoyed glare from the lead guitarist he just raised his hands. "Forget that I asked. You can have ten minutes." The bassist was gone almost as quickly as he had come, heading to inform the others about the slight delay.
"Ten minutes," Kaoru repeated, crawling back onto the bed. "Are ten minutes enough for you?" He knew how frustrating it would be for the younger man to just cut it and usually ten minutes were sufficient, but with all the stress, he wasn't so sure.
"I have no idea." Die drew a deep breath, covering his eyes with his arm. "Maybe it would be the best if I just took a cold shower."
"No, I don't think so." Kaoru sounded determined, pushed the other back against the cushions and instead of bringing his hand back to the arousal, used his mouth. But then, another knock sounded at their door, accompanied by the not too pleased voice of their vocalist. "Let's go. I was persuaded to go too and I want to get over with it!"
The redhead was completely sure he would just cry, as everything seemed to be against them. Hadn't it been enough for this evening already? But there wasn't much they were able to do, with a persistent vocalist still knocking on the door and telling them to hurry.
The older man looked deeply compassionate and utterly miserable when he withdrew his head, closing his eyes. "Kyo, get the fuck into the lobby and wait there!" he yelled, before turning to his lover again. "I'm so sorry. Wanna take a cold shower now?"
"I don't think I have a choice." Die looked like a picture of misery, the frustration mixing with everything and making him want to just break something. He forced himself to get on his feet though, heading to the bathroom and just trying to get a hold of himself.
Kaoru followed him with his eyes and then slowly stood up to get dressed as well. He felt bad, and moreover he felt like he had let the other man down. All he could do now was to hope that this hadn't destroyed anything between them and that the other guitarist didn't think he wouldn't trust him, because that certainly wasn’t the case.
Though Kaoru really didn't feel like going out, his sense of duty didn't allow him to back off. Besides, if the redhead managed after such a disastrous evening, he could do that as well.
It took a long while before the younger guitarist returned from the bathroom, silently getting ready for going out. He didn't know what to think at this moment, a confusing mix of emotions in him. Technically, he didn't blame the older guitarist for anything, knowing it was hard on him to adjust to the situation. But he wasn't sure how long he could take always being pushed away the last minute. That was the worst, being on guard all the time fearing the moment might end any second. He still wasn't willing to let go though, and tried hard not to direct his disappointment at the older man.
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Haha, stupid me thought you'd really be there at 6 only and thus I started answering the comments, but forgot to check in on msn first. I apologize :D