rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-09-08 12:42 am
rabenhorst) wrote2007-09-08 12:42 am
(no subject)
Title: Touched a Thousand Times; Chapter 3
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seinen_no and fonulyn
Rating: PG [going up to NC17]
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: Dir en grey has been playing in the US, and the stressful touring is finally getting to them. Kaoru in particular has troubles controlling his nerves and bad mood, caused by the awakening jealousy inside of him, something he doesn’t want to admit to anyone.
Comments:
seinen_no: Hmm, I think I'm outta comments today. I've been feeling bad all week and it was getting worse from Wednesday on. I think I get a cold… Other than that, I hope you still like the story and do enjoy our little different Kao here. I promise, the old one will be back soon.
fonulyn: I’m too braindead to write a coherent comment right now. Pedagogic studies make me exhausted and I’m already completely ready to sleep for half a year and take a vacation XD So I just will advertise, like I sometimes do, the commercial person I am x) I’m sure most of you noticed already but just in case, there’s a really handy archive up at rabenhorst, feel free to browse around^^
And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Previously happened: Part 1, Part 2
Touched a Thousand Times
Chapter 3
It really didn't take long until Kaoru rang Die's doorbell. The lead-guitarist greeted him with a slightly nervous smile and held up a paper bag. "Bagels and bread." Instantly, the tension between them was back and made both of them a bit insecure. But once Kaoru was inside and hat taken off his shoes, he relaxed considerably. "Die, did you tidy up?" he asked grinning as he spotted the almost clean living-room.
"Yes. Just for you." Die laughed. He had approached the other from behind and now leaned to press a short kiss on his cheek. "Want some tea?"
He had just pulled on a t-shirt and jeans, not even bothering to brush his slightly wet hair as he had somehow got stuck cleaning and had had to take a really quick shower before the other came.
Subconsciously, Kaoru inhaled his scent, smelling the shower-gel and feeling the dampness of his hair on his shoulder. He tilted his head, smiling. "Tea sounds perfect." Somehow, he would have loved to sneak a peek into the bedroom to see if the redhead had just piled up all his stuff there or if he had tidied seriously.
"Wanna eat in the kitchen or in the living room?" The redhead looked at the other for a moment, grinning, before he pulled back and turned to head to the kitchen.
"I don't mind. Maybe the kitchen's better. Then we don't need to carry all the stuff into the living-room and back again." The older man chuckled.
"Just follow me then." The younger guitarist's voice sounded from somewhere in the kitchen already, and he swiftly began to cook some tea and see what he had in his fridge they could eat.
Tiptoeing, the older one looked over his shoulder and wrapped one arm around his waist. "I brought some cold-cuts and milk for the coffee too. I don't think anything that's in there is still edible after the tour."
"I guess you're right." Die chuckled, leaning a bit into the embrace. It felt a bit weird to be so close to his friend, but definitely nice. "I should just throw these away."
"You didn't even put them into boxes..." There was a slight trace of disgust in Kaoru's voice when he had spotted the indefinable food in the other's fridge. Laughing a bit, he detached from the younger guitarist and finally sat down at the table, waiting for the tea to be ready.
"Why should I put them into boxes when I use them all the time?" The redhead turned around, chuckling as he closed the fridge's door. "And then I somehow forgot them when we left for the tour..."
"I can't deny that there's some reason in your argument." Kaoru laughed and leaned over to fetch two butter knives from the drawer. He knew his friend's apartment as if it was his own, but still he felt like a stranger at the moment.
"What can I say, I'm a reasonable person." The tea was ready, and instantly the redhead poured both of them a mugful.
Along with the food and the tea, the mood relaxed and soon they were beginning to chat about things like they had before their friendship had been drifting apart. Soon, both of them were completely comfortable despite the slight tension that flared up whenever their gazes met or one of them gave the other a soft smile.
Kaoru couldn't deny that it made him happy to see that things seemed to work out, although they only made headway slowly and each small sign of affection from the other man still made him blush or chuckle nervously.
It was like walking on the wire, neither of them daring to do anything to change the situation. Die knew that this was hard on Kaoru, and therefore tried not to push him. It was weird for him as well, since his friend for so many years was now something more, and he still couldn't totally act according to that.
It was even weirder for the older guitarist, because he had never had a relationship with a man in the first place, although that wasn't the only reason why Kaoru was so stiff. He was still somehow afraid to lose the other man as a friend when this didn't work out and that made him act inhibited.
When Die finally got up to clear the table, Kaoru set out to help him. Both of them were reaching out for the same plate and when their hands touched, Kaoru lifted his head, finding the other's face only inches away from his own.
Smiling, he closed the distance, intending to initiate a kiss, but Die had the same idea and it ended up in them bumping their heads together. Rubbing the spot, Kaoru laughed. "Gods, I think we really have to work on that."
"Well, one of just has to learn to stay still." Die laughed, merrily, shaking his head a bit while he turned around to put the rest of the unneeded stuff away. "And I have nothing against practicing that, you know."
"But we can only practice it if we finally manage to really get to the kissing part," the older guitarist remarked grinning. Suddenly, he froze in his movement, only pursed his lips a bit and lifted his chin, patiently waiting for Die to notice it.
It took a moment, and the redhead was just about to reply something when he happened to take a look over his shoulder, the sight instantly making him smile. "You're way cute, you know that?" He didn't leave the other time to answer though, before carefully leaning in to press their lips together.
This time, they took it slow and first left it at only moving their lips against each other gently. But then, Kaoru opened his mouth a bit, allowing Die's tongue to slip inside and explore the new territory carefully. He had wrapped his arms around the other's waist and softly caressed his back, his eyes half closed as he enjoyed the sensations the contact evoked within him.
As they took it with no haste, they managed to go through it without messing up again, both even enjoying the contact, getting lost in it eventually. Subconsciously Die had cupped the other's cheek, tilting his head a bit to be able to deepen the contact. Willingly, Kaoru followed the younger man's gentle urging, his heart beating so fast that it threatened to burst his chest.
Inwardly, he thought that this was worth risking their friendship, because it made his head spin and stirred a flock of butterflies in his stomach. When they finally broke, Die still held his head in his hands and was smiling at him with sparkling eyes.
"See? Wasn't that bad." Die grinned brightly, pecking the other's lips quickly again. Somehow that had been just the confirmation he had needed, showing him that this was what he wanted. No matter that it was a mere kiss, it held so much more meaning to him.
"No." Kaoru shook his head and couldn't suppress the bright smile that was tugging his lips now. "Actually it was quite good."
If he could take a look at himself now, he wouldn't believe that this was him. The self-confident, almost arrogant, tattooed and always controlled leader of a famous rockband had disappeared and made way for an insecure and giggly teenager.
"Quite good?" The younger man laughed. "Wait until we try a few more times. Then it'll be breathtaking."
"But then you need to attend a first aid course to be able to reanimate me," the older winked, tiptoed and pressed a short kiss on Die's lips before taking a step backwards. He opened the fridge, took out a bottle of soda and then nodded at a cupboard behind the other. "Maybe we should go into the living-room? Glasses?"
"Two glasses coming right up." Die nodded obediently, turning to get two classes from the cupboard. Together they headed to the living room, nestling comfortably on the couch beside each other.
For a moment, they were silent, just lost in deep thoughts. But it wasn't that kind of uncomfortable silence, just the one that came when there wasn't really anything to say. Carefully, Kaoru leaned closer to the other and even put his hand on Die's thigh. It was ridiculous, but he still felt odd when he did things like that, but he told himself that it was only natural to want to take things slow after such a long time of being close friends and only admiring the other from afar.
Naturally the younger man wrapped one arm around the other man, smiling as he felt him shift closer. He didn't mind taking things slow, since he was determined to make this work. He had never been this serious before when it came to a relationship. It was funny, because both of them were serious about this and still couldn't really act naturally like lovers would. It didn't matter at that moment though as both of them enjoyed the togetherness like that too.
"Strange," Kaoru spoke up after some time, "usually we would've longest begun to play computer games or watch a movie." He tilted his head, smiling at the other brightly.
"Yeah, because you would've gotten too nervous around me if you didn't have some distraction." Die teased, his bright grin showing that he didn't mean any offence with the words.
"Hey!" The older took on a hurt expression nevertheless. "I wasn't drooling after you constantly." A bit more quiet, he added. "At least not all the time."
"But most of the time anyways." The redhead laughed. He got a bit more serious though, looking interestedly at the other. "For how long?"
"Long!" Kaoru answered evasively, but kept his gaze directly at the other's in order not to show how embarrassed he really was.
"Months? Or years?"
"Do you remember the day when you all agreed on taking me in as lead-guitarist? Back then with Kisaki?" As Die nodded, the older man went on. "Since that day."
The redhead's eyes widened, as he was honestly surprised about that revelation. He had more expected something like three to four years, and even that would've been long already.
"Wow..." He didn't know what to say, somehow left totally speechless. "We... I mean, we didn't even know each other at all then."
"No. And I don't mean that I was in love with you back then already. I only mean that I liked you a lot and that I was attracted to you. The rest grew over the years." Chuckling nervously, Kaoru added. "Pathetic, right?"
"No, not really." Die gave the other a small honest smile. "I'm surprised you didn't say anything earlier... and technically you didn't say anything now either."
"At one point, I grew accustomed to the fact that I wouldn't have a chance. I mean, I knew you went both ways and still you never even hinted that you found me attractive or showed any kind of interest that went beyond friendship. So I learned to be your friend and I really wanted to be the best friend I could."
Suddenly, the older guitarist looked directly into the redhead's eyes, taking a deep breath. "It feels like I'm in love with you for an eternity already and that makes it kinda hard to just change the patterns and believe that this is really happening."
"I know." Die smiled, touching the other's cheek softly. "It's alright, you know. I guess I don't comprehend it completely yet either. Even when I only pull you nearer I first kinda think 'What are you doing?', and that it's crossing the line of friendship..."
"Exactly." Kaoru agreed nodding and as if to show him he truly wanted to leave the safety of friendship and try this adventure called relationship, he snuggled up even closer to the redhead, wrapping both arms around his torso. "But it's worth a try, right?"
"If it wasn't, I wouldn't have agreed upon it in the first place," the younger man announced instantly. "And now gimme a kiss before we begin to sound like a middle aged couple."
"Die, we ARE a middle aged couple," Kaoru pointed out grinning before he stretched his neck and caught the other's lips in a less careful and more passionate kiss than they had shared so far.
The contact was effective in silencing the redhead, as he completely directed his attention to the kiss. They were even a bit out of breath as they parted the next time.
"We aren't. We are rockstars." Die stated, eyes sparkling.
"How could I forget that?" Kaoru snickered and quickly pecked his lips again. "But usually you see rockstars with full bosomed chicks."
"That doesn't make us any less rockstars. Don't even doubt that!" Die chuckled, shaking his head. He reached for his glass that was on the table, but the other was leaning against him, making it difficult. Swiftly he grabbed the other's shoulders and made him lie down on the couch, his head pillowed on his lap. "Now stay there." He gave a secure grin, leaning to finally get his glass.
The action made Kaoru grin and he couldn't help but to think that it was quite a tempting place where his head was pillowed now. But he would never dare to do anything about it. "And who gives me my drink now?"
"You still need something to drink?" Die pretended to be surprised. "Well, maybe I can help you."
"Well, I don't really need to, but I would wanna," the older man replied winking, surprised about his own cockiness.
"Alright. Some soda then?" The redhead took the other's glass, guiding it to his lips. "Lift your head a bit and it should work."
"Aye sir." Obediently, Kaoru lifted his head and pursed his lips. He had to chuckle though since his position was far from being comfortable and his stomach muscles began to twitch and made his whole body shake.
"There." Die chuckled as the other got a bit of the drink, setting the glass back to the table. "Happy now?"
"Not really." Kaoru remained in that position and then suddenly wrapped his arms around the other's neck, pulling him down into another kiss. He could get used to this, do it all day. Die didn't have any objections, willingly leaning closer and responding to the gesture. This was rapidly becoming one of his favourite things to do.
They took their time and when they finally parted, Kaoru was slightly out of breath. "Now I'm happy," he gave away smiling. "Thank you."
"My pleasure." The other nodded, taking a deep breath. There was a moronic smile dancing on his lips though. "And now? Wanna stay here or do something?"
"I don't know. Should we do something? Actually, I enjoy the company quite a lot." Indeed, Kaoru had no intentions in going anywhere as he just wanted to spend time with the younger man and slowly try to get used to the thought that from now on they were a couple.
"Well, not really... We've spent time doing nothing before already." Die shrugged. And it was true, since they had spent countless nights just talking with each other, or silently keeping each other company.
"Yeah, and I spent endless nights either holding your hair or undressing you because you weren't capable anymore. You have no idea what kind of torture that was." The older tried to sound admonishing. "But at least you don't remember what I did..." he added with a smirk.
"Don't tell me you did something dirty while I didn't notice anything!" The younger man tried to look shocked, but a grin was tugging his lips anyways.
"Maybe." Came the instant answer and Kaoru's eyes were sparkling wickedly. Of course he had never dared to lay hands on his friend, far too afraid that he could wake up, but it was fun to toy with the thought nevertheless.
"I always knew you were a dirty old man." Die shook his head, laughing freely. "Too bad that you never did something and woke me up with it."
"I would've died, run away and changed my name if that had happened," the older gave away seriously. "Too bad you never became touchy when you were drunk."
"I do... but not in that way though." It was somewhat true, since Die had the tendency to cling to other people if he was drunk enough.
"I'm glad you never became too touchy, because I don't know if I could've taken it." That was true as well and Kaoru nodded to emphasize his words. Sighing contently, he rested his head on the other's lap again. "But luckily you can make it up to that now."
"Of course. I take it as my duty, to make it all up to you." The younger man looked totally convincing, nodding and patting the other's stomach.
"That sounds promising, you know. I lived kinda chaste lately." The older gave away without even wanting it. He remained calm though as if he had said that purposefully.
"Does it mean you're needy already?" Die grinned, leaning down until their noses were almost touching. "Just a word, you know."
It caused Kaoru to hold his breath and he had to swallow dryly. Yes, he was needy, no question about that, but he was also afraid to take that step together with the other man. So he only looked straight back at the redhead and tried to form a meaningful grin.
"Don't worry about it though." Die leaned back up, again patting the other's stomach. "There's no need to hurry." Somehow he sensed that the other wasn't ready for the next step yet. And who could blame him, after all they had technically been a couple for less than a day.
"Thank you." The older guitarist meant it, but still felt odd, like a schoolgirl maybe. It wasn't that he didn't want to, it was only that he needed time and thought one step after another would be best. After all, he had no practical experiences about how it worked with a guy. On the other hand, he knew the equipment well and that should make it easier.
"I really mean it. And if you wanna, well..." The younger man hesitated. "You know, like, know something, just ask."
That comment elicited hysterical laughter from Kaoru and he tilted his head to the side, away from the other. "Thank you. But now I really feel like a virgin," he got out between forceful chuckles. He knew that Die only meant to be nice, but this whole situation was so ridiculous somehow. Usually, he would suggest just getting it on right there and then to get over the insecurity, but he was too much of a coward for that.
"But you are one!" Die defended himself, but couldn't hold back some merry chuckles. "At least as far as I know... or did you leave something untold?"
"If you mean the backdoor," the older chuckled, "it's all shiny and new." He couldn't believe that he actually talked about things like that, but then, it was funny too and caused the mood to loosen up.
"Gooood. So no used goodies." The younger man laughed even louder, shaking his head. He reached for his drink, needing something to cool himself down.
"Nope. All yours." Kaoru grinned and followed the other's movement, reaching for the bottle straight because it was easier to drink from it in his position.
"I'm flattered though. You saved yourself all for me." Die grinned widely, leaning down to peck the other's lips before retreating again and taking a long sip of the soda.
The older man blushed a bit, because technically Die was right. He had never thought about trying it with another man than him. But he didn't want the mood to change and so asked grinning. "Who says you're getting a piece of me ever?"
"I'm kinda relying on that. Or do you think I'll live chaste for all my life from now on?" The question came with an arched eyebrow.
"No, but there are other ways to find satisfaction too." Kaoru pointed out. Actually, he hadn't thought about it like that. Of course he had imagined the other taking him in his dreams while jerking off, but now that the situation was at hand, he thought he might have idealized this and was afraid the real deal couldn't live up to the dream. "Sex is overestimated anyways," he added with a wink.
"You can't know that." Die winked. "After all, you don't know how good I am."
"Behold people! The great Daisuke's telling about his sexual capabilities," Kaoru mocked chuckling and then nodded. "Yeah, you're right. I can't know how good you are, but I have the slight hunch that I will find out."
"You will. Unless you kick me out before that. Or unless you decide that we need to live like nuns from now on."
"I think neither is an option. That is," there was some seriousness in Kaoru's eyes when he looked at the redhead, "if you bear with me."
They kept on talking, soon moving over to less intimate topics again. Still, they enjoyed dropping ambiguous comments every now and then. They always had done it, only that now they referred to their current situation. The mood was more relaxed than ever before during the past time, and they just went on chatting about everything that crossed their minds. It was almost like in the old days, only that now they were snuggling up more closely, the older man practically resting on the younger one's lap.
Kaoru enjoyed being close like that and sighed contently whenever Die's hand ran though his hair or down his back. They didn't run out of topics to discuss and soon it was getting dark outside again, the table filled with the remains from their ordered lunch and emptied beercans.
It was late when they fell silent, just sitting there for a while, lost in thoughts. It took a moment before Die broke the silence, his voice quiet and somehow hopeful. "Wanna stay overnight?"
"I'd love to." The older answered with a nod. They were both more or less lying entangled on the couch, sleepy but not really tired. "So I take the bed," he joked with a grin, "and a gentleman like you surely stays on the couch, right?"
"I thought about us both sharing the bed." Die grinned, tilting his head so that he could look the other in the eye better. "It's big enough, and you may have a separate blanket."
"I don't want a separate blanket." Kaoru was surprised about Die's offer and looked at him from wide eyes for a moment. It was true though, he wanted to be close to Die and the thought of cuddling under the same blanket sounded quite tempting if one asked him.
"Then you don't get one." The younger man chuckled, trying to somehow get up from the couch. "Kao, you're lying on my legs... help me a bit here."
Smirking, the older straddled Die's hips and sat down on his lap. "Better? Your legs are free now."
"Well, definitely an improvement!" Die looked somewhat surprised, but not in a bad way. "That is, if you don't want to get to bed after all."
"I don't know what I want." The answer was honest and accompanied by a bright smile.
"But you have to. Since I promised not to do anything against your will." Die said it easily, but looked still somehow serious.
"So you mean if I don't get up now and go to bed with you, you won't take me there?" Kaoru sounded somewhat disappointed, but finally slid off the other man and got on his feet. "Okay then. Content now?"
"Not really." Actually, the younger man even sighed disappointed, but then heaved himself up and got on his feet, only to grab the other's wrist. "Come on now."
Nodding, the older followed, even laughing a bit. "You know, I hope you didn't stuff everything from the living-room in your bedroom," he remarked shortly before they reached the door.
"I didn't. I'm disappointed that you think this less of me..." Die formed quite a believable pout, before opening the door and presenting a somewhat messy bedroom nevertheless.
"You know, I kinda always liked your bedroom and your bed." Kaoru gave away winking. Ably, without thinking anything, he unbuttoned his jeans and sat sown at the edge of the bed to take them off completely, followed by his socks. Then, he crawled into the middle of the huge bed, bouncing up and down a bit. "It's not as hard as mine."
"I'm glad you like it." The younger man hesitated for a moment, remembering that he didn't actually wear anything underneath his jeans.
The older noticed his hesitation and grinned. "What? Going commando?" He knew that his friend did that from time to time, but had left the other uninformed about his secret knowledge.
"Exactly." Die grinned brightly, tilting his head a bit. "Either you're good at guessing, or then your eyesight is abnormal."
"Or then I watched you change often enough to see you tend to forget your boxers from time to time?"
"Well, whatever. Want me to spare your innocence and go change in the other room?"
"Die!" Kaoru admonished, shaking his head. "I've seen you naked before too, you know." He got on his knees and crawled towards the bed's edge, beckoning the other to come closer.
Obediently Die came closer, grinning at the other a bit apologetically. "I know, but... I guess I tried to be polite."
After inhaling deeply once to gain the courage, Kaoru grabbed the hem of the other's shirt and pushed it up, planting a kiss on his belly. As Die bent down a bit, he managed to remove the garment completely, followed by his own. Then, he even opened the button of the younger man's jeans, but didn't go further. "No need for politeness," he whispered, sitting backwards on his heels, his eyes never leaving the other man.
Die shrugged, and with a small grin just got rid of his pants, kicking them to the corner. It wasn't that uncommon, and he wasn't exactly known for his shyness. As he noticed that the other's eyes were still on him he grinned, not saying anything though.
For a moment, Kaoru thought if he should get rid of his boxers too, but then only stretched his arms towards the other man, signalling him to come on the bed too. But not before he had roamed his eyes over every inch of Die's body, finally allowed to do so without having to conceal anything. Still, it managed to make him blush a bit, but he tried to cover it with a grin on his side.
The younger man noticed it though, but it just made him smile, feeling somewhat good, as well as having the other's eyes on him. Obediently he crawled on the bed, getting close to the other and pulling the blanket along.
Instantly, the older wrapped one arm around his waist and planted a soft kiss on his lips. The first real contact of skin on skin caused Kaoru's heartbeat to speed up, but he couldn't deny that he enjoyed it. Silently Die snuggled closer, releasing a content sigh. It was nice to share their warmth together, to be there close to the other like that. He could definitely get used to sleeping beside him.
"You know, somehow I would've imagined a guy feels less soft." Kaoru mentioned absent-mindedly while he allowed his palm to slide down the other's side, enjoying how the smooth skin felt beneath his fingers.
"What?" The redhead chuckled, tilting his head a bit and smiling at the other. "I assume that's a good thing though... to be soft I mean."
"It is good." The older confirmed nodding and finally looked up at the other, smiling. "I'm sorry. I talk nonsense. But it's really weird to have imagined certain things for so long and now live them."
"Just keep on talking." Die pressed a soft kiss on the corner of the other's mouth. "I like to know what goes on in that pretty head of yours."
"Not much at the moment." Kaoru had to laugh and pillowed his head on the younger man's shoulder. "You're damn self-confident. Did you know that?"
"Self confident? Why?" The younger man was even a bit surprised, as he hadn't expected a statement like that. After all, he had always thought that Kaoru was one of the most self confident persons on earth.
"I mean with this whole situation. When you came to me yesterday and told me you wanted to go out with me, I was stunned. I would have never had the guts." The older admitted quietly. True, usually there was nothing he feared, at least not in his job or when it came to fighting for a certain riff that belonged into a song. With the redhead and his affection towards him, it was totally different though.
"Well, it took a lot from me to be honest." Die admitted, slowly stroking the other's back, lost in his thoughts. "But then I thought that the worst possibility is that you get mad at me, and you already were. I guess there wasn't much to lose, technically."
"Still, I would have never dared." Kaoru insisted and put his palm on the other's chest, absent-mindedly drawing random patterns there. "The thought alone that I'm lying in bed next to you right now makes me nervous already." He chuckled, winking at Die.
"We've slept in a same bed before too." The younger man smirked, sneaking one arm around the other. "Besides, you don't need to fear me."
"Only that we were both dressed then and I was far less horny than I'm now. Plus," the older brought his face close to Die's, smirking, "I never allowed myself to look at you like I do now."
"You know, the hornyness can be helped." Die looked totally innocent, only the deep sparkle in his eyes showing that he had something on his mind.
A shiver ran down Kaoru's spine and he couldn't deny that this sounded promising. Slowly, very slowly, he brought his hand to the other's lower stomach, stopping there. "I know," he smiled sweetly, "and I would want to. But Die, I don't think I can... at least not yet and I don't know if I ... right now," he suddenly babbled and then rolled on his back, covering his eyes with his forearm. "Oh god, I sound like such a sissy."
"Don't worry about it, really." Hesitating only a second the redhead rolled closer, wrapping one arm around the other man. "Just take your time. It's only been so little time and all."
"But I really meant that I'm horny," the older guitarist breathed out, Die's body which was resting partly on top of him not helping to calm him down. Besides, he could feel the other's package on his thigh and that alone was strangely arousing in a way already.
"Want me to get on the couch?" Die offered, tilting his head to look at the other. He really didn't want to mess this up, and as it had been only a bit more than a day since their 'date', it was still all so new.
"NO!" Kaoru answered a bit too quick and a bit too loud. He didn't want to mess up things as well and thought if he now let the other go, Die would feel rejected. "Let's just calm down and cuddle okay? I mean, for the moment. Nobody rushes us."
"Sounds good to me." The older was rewarded with a smile. "We should sleep too, since we only have a few days off to get rid of the stress."
"That'll be hard." Kaoru snickered, but wrapped his arm around Die again and then closed his eyes. "Is it okay like this for you or too close?" He had never felt the urge to cuddle while sleeping, but with the redhead it was totally different and he truly enjoyed hearing his respiration, feeling how his chest moved with his breaths and all those small things.
"No, I'm totally fine." Die smiled, tilting his head to press a soft kiss somewhere on the other's hair. "Sleep well."
"You too. You too." The older whispered and nuzzled the other's neck before he became still, trying to sleep. It still took some time due to the uncommon situation, but finally he drifted off into a deep sleep.
The redhead fell into a peaceful sleep soon after. He had thought it might be uncomfortable to sleep so close, but had to find out that it wasn't the case, as he slept better than in a long time. The next morning they ate the rest of the food Kaoru had brought the previous day, and after that just relaxed and spent time together on the couch mostly, much like the previous night.
It was weird for both of them since Kaoru ran around in Die's clothes all day and had used a spare toothbrush the other had offered him, those small things giving the impression that they led a real relationship, although something was still amiss. They both agreed on storing some things of the other in their apartments, some clothes, toothbrushes and shavers; things like that. It elicited a good feeling in the older man, because it meant that this was serious, that they were really going for it.
That evening, Kaoru went back to his own apartment though. Not because they wouldn't have wanted to spend time together, but they had agreed on taking it slow, and that included that they took a few moments off from each other too. They always called each other as soon as they woke up though, somehow wanting to make the most of every moment.
Since they didn't have much free time left, they used the days to go out, to do usual stuff like going shopping together or visiting a fun fair. Those were things they had done before too, when they had only been friends, and they still enjoyed it to no end.
Toshiya had called Die one day, obviously terribly curious about how things were turning out and what exactly was going on. Die only let him understand that there wasn't anything wrong anymore, and told him that he shouldn't worry. It left the bassist curious still though, determined to find out what exactly was going on as he didn’t want to be left in the dark.
Author:
seinen_no and fonulynRating: PG [going up to NC17]
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: Dir en grey has been playing in the US, and the stressful touring is finally getting to them. Kaoru in particular has troubles controlling his nerves and bad mood, caused by the awakening jealousy inside of him, something he doesn’t want to admit to anyone.
Comments:
seinen_no: Hmm, I think I'm outta comments today. I've been feeling bad all week and it was getting worse from Wednesday on. I think I get a cold… Other than that, I hope you still like the story and do enjoy our little different Kao here. I promise, the old one will be back soon.fonulyn: I’m too braindead to write a coherent comment right now. Pedagogic studies make me exhausted and I’m already completely ready to sleep for half a year and take a vacation XD So I just will advertise, like I sometimes do, the commercial person I am x) I’m sure most of you noticed already but just in case, there’s a really handy archive up at rabenhorst, feel free to browse around^^And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Previously happened: Part 1, Part 2
Chapter 3
It really didn't take long until Kaoru rang Die's doorbell. The lead-guitarist greeted him with a slightly nervous smile and held up a paper bag. "Bagels and bread." Instantly, the tension between them was back and made both of them a bit insecure. But once Kaoru was inside and hat taken off his shoes, he relaxed considerably. "Die, did you tidy up?" he asked grinning as he spotted the almost clean living-room.
"Yes. Just for you." Die laughed. He had approached the other from behind and now leaned to press a short kiss on his cheek. "Want some tea?"
He had just pulled on a t-shirt and jeans, not even bothering to brush his slightly wet hair as he had somehow got stuck cleaning and had had to take a really quick shower before the other came.
Subconsciously, Kaoru inhaled his scent, smelling the shower-gel and feeling the dampness of his hair on his shoulder. He tilted his head, smiling. "Tea sounds perfect." Somehow, he would have loved to sneak a peek into the bedroom to see if the redhead had just piled up all his stuff there or if he had tidied seriously.
"Wanna eat in the kitchen or in the living room?" The redhead looked at the other for a moment, grinning, before he pulled back and turned to head to the kitchen.
"I don't mind. Maybe the kitchen's better. Then we don't need to carry all the stuff into the living-room and back again." The older man chuckled.
"Just follow me then." The younger guitarist's voice sounded from somewhere in the kitchen already, and he swiftly began to cook some tea and see what he had in his fridge they could eat.
Tiptoeing, the older one looked over his shoulder and wrapped one arm around his waist. "I brought some cold-cuts and milk for the coffee too. I don't think anything that's in there is still edible after the tour."
"I guess you're right." Die chuckled, leaning a bit into the embrace. It felt a bit weird to be so close to his friend, but definitely nice. "I should just throw these away."
"You didn't even put them into boxes..." There was a slight trace of disgust in Kaoru's voice when he had spotted the indefinable food in the other's fridge. Laughing a bit, he detached from the younger guitarist and finally sat down at the table, waiting for the tea to be ready.
"Why should I put them into boxes when I use them all the time?" The redhead turned around, chuckling as he closed the fridge's door. "And then I somehow forgot them when we left for the tour..."
"I can't deny that there's some reason in your argument." Kaoru laughed and leaned over to fetch two butter knives from the drawer. He knew his friend's apartment as if it was his own, but still he felt like a stranger at the moment.
"What can I say, I'm a reasonable person." The tea was ready, and instantly the redhead poured both of them a mugful.
Along with the food and the tea, the mood relaxed and soon they were beginning to chat about things like they had before their friendship had been drifting apart. Soon, both of them were completely comfortable despite the slight tension that flared up whenever their gazes met or one of them gave the other a soft smile.
Kaoru couldn't deny that it made him happy to see that things seemed to work out, although they only made headway slowly and each small sign of affection from the other man still made him blush or chuckle nervously.
It was like walking on the wire, neither of them daring to do anything to change the situation. Die knew that this was hard on Kaoru, and therefore tried not to push him. It was weird for him as well, since his friend for so many years was now something more, and he still couldn't totally act according to that.
It was even weirder for the older guitarist, because he had never had a relationship with a man in the first place, although that wasn't the only reason why Kaoru was so stiff. He was still somehow afraid to lose the other man as a friend when this didn't work out and that made him act inhibited.
When Die finally got up to clear the table, Kaoru set out to help him. Both of them were reaching out for the same plate and when their hands touched, Kaoru lifted his head, finding the other's face only inches away from his own.
Smiling, he closed the distance, intending to initiate a kiss, but Die had the same idea and it ended up in them bumping their heads together. Rubbing the spot, Kaoru laughed. "Gods, I think we really have to work on that."
"Well, one of just has to learn to stay still." Die laughed, merrily, shaking his head a bit while he turned around to put the rest of the unneeded stuff away. "And I have nothing against practicing that, you know."
"But we can only practice it if we finally manage to really get to the kissing part," the older guitarist remarked grinning. Suddenly, he froze in his movement, only pursed his lips a bit and lifted his chin, patiently waiting for Die to notice it.
It took a moment, and the redhead was just about to reply something when he happened to take a look over his shoulder, the sight instantly making him smile. "You're way cute, you know that?" He didn't leave the other time to answer though, before carefully leaning in to press their lips together.
This time, they took it slow and first left it at only moving their lips against each other gently. But then, Kaoru opened his mouth a bit, allowing Die's tongue to slip inside and explore the new territory carefully. He had wrapped his arms around the other's waist and softly caressed his back, his eyes half closed as he enjoyed the sensations the contact evoked within him.
As they took it with no haste, they managed to go through it without messing up again, both even enjoying the contact, getting lost in it eventually. Subconsciously Die had cupped the other's cheek, tilting his head a bit to be able to deepen the contact. Willingly, Kaoru followed the younger man's gentle urging, his heart beating so fast that it threatened to burst his chest.
Inwardly, he thought that this was worth risking their friendship, because it made his head spin and stirred a flock of butterflies in his stomach. When they finally broke, Die still held his head in his hands and was smiling at him with sparkling eyes.
"See? Wasn't that bad." Die grinned brightly, pecking the other's lips quickly again. Somehow that had been just the confirmation he had needed, showing him that this was what he wanted. No matter that it was a mere kiss, it held so much more meaning to him.
"No." Kaoru shook his head and couldn't suppress the bright smile that was tugging his lips now. "Actually it was quite good."
If he could take a look at himself now, he wouldn't believe that this was him. The self-confident, almost arrogant, tattooed and always controlled leader of a famous rockband had disappeared and made way for an insecure and giggly teenager.
"Quite good?" The younger man laughed. "Wait until we try a few more times. Then it'll be breathtaking."
"But then you need to attend a first aid course to be able to reanimate me," the older winked, tiptoed and pressed a short kiss on Die's lips before taking a step backwards. He opened the fridge, took out a bottle of soda and then nodded at a cupboard behind the other. "Maybe we should go into the living-room? Glasses?"
"Two glasses coming right up." Die nodded obediently, turning to get two classes from the cupboard. Together they headed to the living room, nestling comfortably on the couch beside each other.
For a moment, they were silent, just lost in deep thoughts. But it wasn't that kind of uncomfortable silence, just the one that came when there wasn't really anything to say. Carefully, Kaoru leaned closer to the other and even put his hand on Die's thigh. It was ridiculous, but he still felt odd when he did things like that, but he told himself that it was only natural to want to take things slow after such a long time of being close friends and only admiring the other from afar.
Naturally the younger man wrapped one arm around the other man, smiling as he felt him shift closer. He didn't mind taking things slow, since he was determined to make this work. He had never been this serious before when it came to a relationship. It was funny, because both of them were serious about this and still couldn't really act naturally like lovers would. It didn't matter at that moment though as both of them enjoyed the togetherness like that too.
"Strange," Kaoru spoke up after some time, "usually we would've longest begun to play computer games or watch a movie." He tilted his head, smiling at the other brightly.
"Yeah, because you would've gotten too nervous around me if you didn't have some distraction." Die teased, his bright grin showing that he didn't mean any offence with the words.
"Hey!" The older took on a hurt expression nevertheless. "I wasn't drooling after you constantly." A bit more quiet, he added. "At least not all the time."
"But most of the time anyways." The redhead laughed. He got a bit more serious though, looking interestedly at the other. "For how long?"
"Long!" Kaoru answered evasively, but kept his gaze directly at the other's in order not to show how embarrassed he really was.
"Months? Or years?"
"Do you remember the day when you all agreed on taking me in as lead-guitarist? Back then with Kisaki?" As Die nodded, the older man went on. "Since that day."
The redhead's eyes widened, as he was honestly surprised about that revelation. He had more expected something like three to four years, and even that would've been long already.
"Wow..." He didn't know what to say, somehow left totally speechless. "We... I mean, we didn't even know each other at all then."
"No. And I don't mean that I was in love with you back then already. I only mean that I liked you a lot and that I was attracted to you. The rest grew over the years." Chuckling nervously, Kaoru added. "Pathetic, right?"
"No, not really." Die gave the other a small honest smile. "I'm surprised you didn't say anything earlier... and technically you didn't say anything now either."
"At one point, I grew accustomed to the fact that I wouldn't have a chance. I mean, I knew you went both ways and still you never even hinted that you found me attractive or showed any kind of interest that went beyond friendship. So I learned to be your friend and I really wanted to be the best friend I could."
Suddenly, the older guitarist looked directly into the redhead's eyes, taking a deep breath. "It feels like I'm in love with you for an eternity already and that makes it kinda hard to just change the patterns and believe that this is really happening."
"I know." Die smiled, touching the other's cheek softly. "It's alright, you know. I guess I don't comprehend it completely yet either. Even when I only pull you nearer I first kinda think 'What are you doing?', and that it's crossing the line of friendship..."
"Exactly." Kaoru agreed nodding and as if to show him he truly wanted to leave the safety of friendship and try this adventure called relationship, he snuggled up even closer to the redhead, wrapping both arms around his torso. "But it's worth a try, right?"
"If it wasn't, I wouldn't have agreed upon it in the first place," the younger man announced instantly. "And now gimme a kiss before we begin to sound like a middle aged couple."
"Die, we ARE a middle aged couple," Kaoru pointed out grinning before he stretched his neck and caught the other's lips in a less careful and more passionate kiss than they had shared so far.
The contact was effective in silencing the redhead, as he completely directed his attention to the kiss. They were even a bit out of breath as they parted the next time.
"We aren't. We are rockstars." Die stated, eyes sparkling.
"How could I forget that?" Kaoru snickered and quickly pecked his lips again. "But usually you see rockstars with full bosomed chicks."
"That doesn't make us any less rockstars. Don't even doubt that!" Die chuckled, shaking his head. He reached for his glass that was on the table, but the other was leaning against him, making it difficult. Swiftly he grabbed the other's shoulders and made him lie down on the couch, his head pillowed on his lap. "Now stay there." He gave a secure grin, leaning to finally get his glass.
The action made Kaoru grin and he couldn't help but to think that it was quite a tempting place where his head was pillowed now. But he would never dare to do anything about it. "And who gives me my drink now?"
"You still need something to drink?" Die pretended to be surprised. "Well, maybe I can help you."
"Well, I don't really need to, but I would wanna," the older man replied winking, surprised about his own cockiness.
"Alright. Some soda then?" The redhead took the other's glass, guiding it to his lips. "Lift your head a bit and it should work."
"Aye sir." Obediently, Kaoru lifted his head and pursed his lips. He had to chuckle though since his position was far from being comfortable and his stomach muscles began to twitch and made his whole body shake.
"There." Die chuckled as the other got a bit of the drink, setting the glass back to the table. "Happy now?"
"Not really." Kaoru remained in that position and then suddenly wrapped his arms around the other's neck, pulling him down into another kiss. He could get used to this, do it all day. Die didn't have any objections, willingly leaning closer and responding to the gesture. This was rapidly becoming one of his favourite things to do.
They took their time and when they finally parted, Kaoru was slightly out of breath. "Now I'm happy," he gave away smiling. "Thank you."
"My pleasure." The other nodded, taking a deep breath. There was a moronic smile dancing on his lips though. "And now? Wanna stay here or do something?"
"I don't know. Should we do something? Actually, I enjoy the company quite a lot." Indeed, Kaoru had no intentions in going anywhere as he just wanted to spend time with the younger man and slowly try to get used to the thought that from now on they were a couple.
"Well, not really... We've spent time doing nothing before already." Die shrugged. And it was true, since they had spent countless nights just talking with each other, or silently keeping each other company.
"Yeah, and I spent endless nights either holding your hair or undressing you because you weren't capable anymore. You have no idea what kind of torture that was." The older tried to sound admonishing. "But at least you don't remember what I did..." he added with a smirk.
"Don't tell me you did something dirty while I didn't notice anything!" The younger man tried to look shocked, but a grin was tugging his lips anyways.
"Maybe." Came the instant answer and Kaoru's eyes were sparkling wickedly. Of course he had never dared to lay hands on his friend, far too afraid that he could wake up, but it was fun to toy with the thought nevertheless.
"I always knew you were a dirty old man." Die shook his head, laughing freely. "Too bad that you never did something and woke me up with it."
"I would've died, run away and changed my name if that had happened," the older gave away seriously. "Too bad you never became touchy when you were drunk."
"I do... but not in that way though." It was somewhat true, since Die had the tendency to cling to other people if he was drunk enough.
"I'm glad you never became too touchy, because I don't know if I could've taken it." That was true as well and Kaoru nodded to emphasize his words. Sighing contently, he rested his head on the other's lap again. "But luckily you can make it up to that now."
"Of course. I take it as my duty, to make it all up to you." The younger man looked totally convincing, nodding and patting the other's stomach.
"That sounds promising, you know. I lived kinda chaste lately." The older gave away without even wanting it. He remained calm though as if he had said that purposefully.
"Does it mean you're needy already?" Die grinned, leaning down until their noses were almost touching. "Just a word, you know."
It caused Kaoru to hold his breath and he had to swallow dryly. Yes, he was needy, no question about that, but he was also afraid to take that step together with the other man. So he only looked straight back at the redhead and tried to form a meaningful grin.
"Don't worry about it though." Die leaned back up, again patting the other's stomach. "There's no need to hurry." Somehow he sensed that the other wasn't ready for the next step yet. And who could blame him, after all they had technically been a couple for less than a day.
"Thank you." The older guitarist meant it, but still felt odd, like a schoolgirl maybe. It wasn't that he didn't want to, it was only that he needed time and thought one step after another would be best. After all, he had no practical experiences about how it worked with a guy. On the other hand, he knew the equipment well and that should make it easier.
"I really mean it. And if you wanna, well..." The younger man hesitated. "You know, like, know something, just ask."
That comment elicited hysterical laughter from Kaoru and he tilted his head to the side, away from the other. "Thank you. But now I really feel like a virgin," he got out between forceful chuckles. He knew that Die only meant to be nice, but this whole situation was so ridiculous somehow. Usually, he would suggest just getting it on right there and then to get over the insecurity, but he was too much of a coward for that.
"But you are one!" Die defended himself, but couldn't hold back some merry chuckles. "At least as far as I know... or did you leave something untold?"
"If you mean the backdoor," the older chuckled, "it's all shiny and new." He couldn't believe that he actually talked about things like that, but then, it was funny too and caused the mood to loosen up.
"Gooood. So no used goodies." The younger man laughed even louder, shaking his head. He reached for his drink, needing something to cool himself down.
"Nope. All yours." Kaoru grinned and followed the other's movement, reaching for the bottle straight because it was easier to drink from it in his position.
"I'm flattered though. You saved yourself all for me." Die grinned widely, leaning down to peck the other's lips before retreating again and taking a long sip of the soda.
The older man blushed a bit, because technically Die was right. He had never thought about trying it with another man than him. But he didn't want the mood to change and so asked grinning. "Who says you're getting a piece of me ever?"
"I'm kinda relying on that. Or do you think I'll live chaste for all my life from now on?" The question came with an arched eyebrow.
"No, but there are other ways to find satisfaction too." Kaoru pointed out. Actually, he hadn't thought about it like that. Of course he had imagined the other taking him in his dreams while jerking off, but now that the situation was at hand, he thought he might have idealized this and was afraid the real deal couldn't live up to the dream. "Sex is overestimated anyways," he added with a wink.
"You can't know that." Die winked. "After all, you don't know how good I am."
"Behold people! The great Daisuke's telling about his sexual capabilities," Kaoru mocked chuckling and then nodded. "Yeah, you're right. I can't know how good you are, but I have the slight hunch that I will find out."
"You will. Unless you kick me out before that. Or unless you decide that we need to live like nuns from now on."
"I think neither is an option. That is," there was some seriousness in Kaoru's eyes when he looked at the redhead, "if you bear with me."
They kept on talking, soon moving over to less intimate topics again. Still, they enjoyed dropping ambiguous comments every now and then. They always had done it, only that now they referred to their current situation. The mood was more relaxed than ever before during the past time, and they just went on chatting about everything that crossed their minds. It was almost like in the old days, only that now they were snuggling up more closely, the older man practically resting on the younger one's lap.
Kaoru enjoyed being close like that and sighed contently whenever Die's hand ran though his hair or down his back. They didn't run out of topics to discuss and soon it was getting dark outside again, the table filled with the remains from their ordered lunch and emptied beercans.
It was late when they fell silent, just sitting there for a while, lost in thoughts. It took a moment before Die broke the silence, his voice quiet and somehow hopeful. "Wanna stay overnight?"
"I'd love to." The older answered with a nod. They were both more or less lying entangled on the couch, sleepy but not really tired. "So I take the bed," he joked with a grin, "and a gentleman like you surely stays on the couch, right?"
"I thought about us both sharing the bed." Die grinned, tilting his head so that he could look the other in the eye better. "It's big enough, and you may have a separate blanket."
"I don't want a separate blanket." Kaoru was surprised about Die's offer and looked at him from wide eyes for a moment. It was true though, he wanted to be close to Die and the thought of cuddling under the same blanket sounded quite tempting if one asked him.
"Then you don't get one." The younger man chuckled, trying to somehow get up from the couch. "Kao, you're lying on my legs... help me a bit here."
Smirking, the older straddled Die's hips and sat down on his lap. "Better? Your legs are free now."
"Well, definitely an improvement!" Die looked somewhat surprised, but not in a bad way. "That is, if you don't want to get to bed after all."
"I don't know what I want." The answer was honest and accompanied by a bright smile.
"But you have to. Since I promised not to do anything against your will." Die said it easily, but looked still somehow serious.
"So you mean if I don't get up now and go to bed with you, you won't take me there?" Kaoru sounded somewhat disappointed, but finally slid off the other man and got on his feet. "Okay then. Content now?"
"Not really." Actually, the younger man even sighed disappointed, but then heaved himself up and got on his feet, only to grab the other's wrist. "Come on now."
Nodding, the older followed, even laughing a bit. "You know, I hope you didn't stuff everything from the living-room in your bedroom," he remarked shortly before they reached the door.
"I didn't. I'm disappointed that you think this less of me..." Die formed quite a believable pout, before opening the door and presenting a somewhat messy bedroom nevertheless.
"You know, I kinda always liked your bedroom and your bed." Kaoru gave away winking. Ably, without thinking anything, he unbuttoned his jeans and sat sown at the edge of the bed to take them off completely, followed by his socks. Then, he crawled into the middle of the huge bed, bouncing up and down a bit. "It's not as hard as mine."
"I'm glad you like it." The younger man hesitated for a moment, remembering that he didn't actually wear anything underneath his jeans.
The older noticed his hesitation and grinned. "What? Going commando?" He knew that his friend did that from time to time, but had left the other uninformed about his secret knowledge.
"Exactly." Die grinned brightly, tilting his head a bit. "Either you're good at guessing, or then your eyesight is abnormal."
"Or then I watched you change often enough to see you tend to forget your boxers from time to time?"
"Well, whatever. Want me to spare your innocence and go change in the other room?"
"Die!" Kaoru admonished, shaking his head. "I've seen you naked before too, you know." He got on his knees and crawled towards the bed's edge, beckoning the other to come closer.
Obediently Die came closer, grinning at the other a bit apologetically. "I know, but... I guess I tried to be polite."
After inhaling deeply once to gain the courage, Kaoru grabbed the hem of the other's shirt and pushed it up, planting a kiss on his belly. As Die bent down a bit, he managed to remove the garment completely, followed by his own. Then, he even opened the button of the younger man's jeans, but didn't go further. "No need for politeness," he whispered, sitting backwards on his heels, his eyes never leaving the other man.
Die shrugged, and with a small grin just got rid of his pants, kicking them to the corner. It wasn't that uncommon, and he wasn't exactly known for his shyness. As he noticed that the other's eyes were still on him he grinned, not saying anything though.
For a moment, Kaoru thought if he should get rid of his boxers too, but then only stretched his arms towards the other man, signalling him to come on the bed too. But not before he had roamed his eyes over every inch of Die's body, finally allowed to do so without having to conceal anything. Still, it managed to make him blush a bit, but he tried to cover it with a grin on his side.
The younger man noticed it though, but it just made him smile, feeling somewhat good, as well as having the other's eyes on him. Obediently he crawled on the bed, getting close to the other and pulling the blanket along.
Instantly, the older wrapped one arm around his waist and planted a soft kiss on his lips. The first real contact of skin on skin caused Kaoru's heartbeat to speed up, but he couldn't deny that he enjoyed it. Silently Die snuggled closer, releasing a content sigh. It was nice to share their warmth together, to be there close to the other like that. He could definitely get used to sleeping beside him.
"You know, somehow I would've imagined a guy feels less soft." Kaoru mentioned absent-mindedly while he allowed his palm to slide down the other's side, enjoying how the smooth skin felt beneath his fingers.
"What?" The redhead chuckled, tilting his head a bit and smiling at the other. "I assume that's a good thing though... to be soft I mean."
"It is good." The older confirmed nodding and finally looked up at the other, smiling. "I'm sorry. I talk nonsense. But it's really weird to have imagined certain things for so long and now live them."
"Just keep on talking." Die pressed a soft kiss on the corner of the other's mouth. "I like to know what goes on in that pretty head of yours."
"Not much at the moment." Kaoru had to laugh and pillowed his head on the younger man's shoulder. "You're damn self-confident. Did you know that?"
"Self confident? Why?" The younger man was even a bit surprised, as he hadn't expected a statement like that. After all, he had always thought that Kaoru was one of the most self confident persons on earth.
"I mean with this whole situation. When you came to me yesterday and told me you wanted to go out with me, I was stunned. I would have never had the guts." The older admitted quietly. True, usually there was nothing he feared, at least not in his job or when it came to fighting for a certain riff that belonged into a song. With the redhead and his affection towards him, it was totally different though.
"Well, it took a lot from me to be honest." Die admitted, slowly stroking the other's back, lost in his thoughts. "But then I thought that the worst possibility is that you get mad at me, and you already were. I guess there wasn't much to lose, technically."
"Still, I would have never dared." Kaoru insisted and put his palm on the other's chest, absent-mindedly drawing random patterns there. "The thought alone that I'm lying in bed next to you right now makes me nervous already." He chuckled, winking at Die.
"We've slept in a same bed before too." The younger man smirked, sneaking one arm around the other. "Besides, you don't need to fear me."
"Only that we were both dressed then and I was far less horny than I'm now. Plus," the older brought his face close to Die's, smirking, "I never allowed myself to look at you like I do now."
"You know, the hornyness can be helped." Die looked totally innocent, only the deep sparkle in his eyes showing that he had something on his mind.
A shiver ran down Kaoru's spine and he couldn't deny that this sounded promising. Slowly, very slowly, he brought his hand to the other's lower stomach, stopping there. "I know," he smiled sweetly, "and I would want to. But Die, I don't think I can... at least not yet and I don't know if I ... right now," he suddenly babbled and then rolled on his back, covering his eyes with his forearm. "Oh god, I sound like such a sissy."
"Don't worry about it, really." Hesitating only a second the redhead rolled closer, wrapping one arm around the other man. "Just take your time. It's only been so little time and all."
"But I really meant that I'm horny," the older guitarist breathed out, Die's body which was resting partly on top of him not helping to calm him down. Besides, he could feel the other's package on his thigh and that alone was strangely arousing in a way already.
"Want me to get on the couch?" Die offered, tilting his head to look at the other. He really didn't want to mess this up, and as it had been only a bit more than a day since their 'date', it was still all so new.
"NO!" Kaoru answered a bit too quick and a bit too loud. He didn't want to mess up things as well and thought if he now let the other go, Die would feel rejected. "Let's just calm down and cuddle okay? I mean, for the moment. Nobody rushes us."
"Sounds good to me." The older was rewarded with a smile. "We should sleep too, since we only have a few days off to get rid of the stress."
"That'll be hard." Kaoru snickered, but wrapped his arm around Die again and then closed his eyes. "Is it okay like this for you or too close?" He had never felt the urge to cuddle while sleeping, but with the redhead it was totally different and he truly enjoyed hearing his respiration, feeling how his chest moved with his breaths and all those small things.
"No, I'm totally fine." Die smiled, tilting his head to press a soft kiss somewhere on the other's hair. "Sleep well."
"You too. You too." The older whispered and nuzzled the other's neck before he became still, trying to sleep. It still took some time due to the uncommon situation, but finally he drifted off into a deep sleep.
The redhead fell into a peaceful sleep soon after. He had thought it might be uncomfortable to sleep so close, but had to find out that it wasn't the case, as he slept better than in a long time. The next morning they ate the rest of the food Kaoru had brought the previous day, and after that just relaxed and spent time together on the couch mostly, much like the previous night.
It was weird for both of them since Kaoru ran around in Die's clothes all day and had used a spare toothbrush the other had offered him, those small things giving the impression that they led a real relationship, although something was still amiss. They both agreed on storing some things of the other in their apartments, some clothes, toothbrushes and shavers; things like that. It elicited a good feeling in the older man, because it meant that this was serious, that they were really going for it.
That evening, Kaoru went back to his own apartment though. Not because they wouldn't have wanted to spend time together, but they had agreed on taking it slow, and that included that they took a few moments off from each other too. They always called each other as soon as they woke up though, somehow wanting to make the most of every moment.
Since they didn't have much free time left, they used the days to go out, to do usual stuff like going shopping together or visiting a fun fair. Those were things they had done before too, when they had only been friends, and they still enjoyed it to no end.
Toshiya had called Die one day, obviously terribly curious about how things were turning out and what exactly was going on. Die only let him understand that there wasn't anything wrong anymore, and told him that he shouldn't worry. It left the bassist curious still though, determined to find out what exactly was going on as he didn’t want to be left in the dark.
no subject
hehe, but they ARE middle aged XD And a couple. So it's only logical x) And gosh, you're so right, if there was a Die with no clothes on even anywhere near me I wouldn't be able to stay calm XD
*huggles* I know the feeling, I feel totally demotivated too and I've only had like a couple of weeks of studies now x) We so totally need to take over the world! Agreed! *fetches a kettle to use as a helmet and marches along*
no subject
haha yeah xD it is true but the thought itself is funny nevertheless xDDD agreed. *___* *takes a handkerchief to stop the nose from bleeding*
hehe that's the spirit! xD *takes out a pan to use it as a weapon* >D what land should we conquer first? XD