rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-07-22 09:59 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2007-07-22 09:59 pm
(no subject)
Title: Spread Your Wings; Chapter 9: In Depth Research
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seinen_no and fonulyn
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: Die and Toshiya are unemployed and penniless, even sharing a crappy apartment as best friends although they can barely even afford that one either. Across the street there's a luxurious whore-house, and the two have the brilliant idea that they'll try to get inside information about how things are in there to be able to write a book about it, to cure all their financial problems. Everything doesn't go as planned though, and Die is fascinated by one of the prostitutes like a moth by a flame.
Comments:
fonulyn: And this chapter made me cry when I re-read it XD I admit everything! I am pathetic and let the stories effect me too much, even when they’re our own stories for god’s sake. …to be honest I cried even when we were writing this… But I don’t think you wanna listen to me blabbing about how pathetic I am so I’ll just say it shortly. I pity all of them, Tosh too, and I like that he’s being a really good friend there^^ Enjoy the chapter! And let us know what you think^^
seinen_no: Like many of you predicted, the troubles begin. Only maybe a bit differently than you thought (at least I hope so, 'cause this would've certainly taken me by surprise). Only this much, I really really pity all of them. Of course I do pity Kaoru and Die the most, but then I feel bad for Toshiya. He's trying to be a good friend and still he kinda loses him in a way, because Die doesn't seem to listen to any of his advices. But read for yourselves and let us know what you think. Drama…
Previously happened: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 , Part 8
Spread Your Wings
Chapter 9: In Depth Research
Bitterness filled the purple-haired man as he was staring at the door through which Die had just left; bitterness and anger. It had been long since he had cared for his situation, since he had cursed his miserable life. Die had shown him a glimpse of freedom, of something he had long forgotten, and he wasn't sure if he was glad about it.
Now it would be harder to go on like he had before, and the mere thought of allowing somebody to touch himself like the redhead had touched him, made him feel like utter scum.
Die had a good guess of how the other man felt, and it all made him just more and more determined to do something about the situation. Quickly, he made his way to his own room, thinking he could take a short nap before getting back to work again.
Apparently, it was Toshiya's free day and he had just gotten up to cook some tea on the small stove in the hall. "Hey...," He greeted his friend, an insecure smile on his lips. "Enjoyed your day off?" There was no accusation in his tone, nothing that showed if he was angry or not.
Die smiled, hoping that his friend wouldn't be mad at him. "Yeah. Too bad that it's over already." Spontaneously he hugged the other shortly, maybe wanting to thank him for being so patient with him somehow.
"With what did I deserve this?" Toshiya chuckled and hugged him back. "Was it worth it? You at least look good." Indeed, there was a little colour on the redhead's pale cheeks and a deep sparkle in his eyes which made clear that he was happy.
"It was." Die sighed, and everything in him made clear that he honestly meant it. "Too bad I won't have money to do that again in a long time..."
"Well," the other winked smirking, "you just need to go and find yourself somebody who's cheaper."
"It wouldn't work..." The redhead bit his lip slightly, averting his gaze.
Smiling softly, Toshiya crouched down in front of him, trying to catch a look at his eyes from below. "Wouldn't work? You like him a lot, right? I mean," he hesitated for a moment, a frown appearing on his forehead, "I was right, ne?"
"Right with what?" Seriously, Die looked his friend in the eye, toying with the hem of his shirt nervously.
"When I said that there's more; that you got yourself too involved."
"Yeah. I got myself too involved. But I can't help it. And I'm not sure if I'd even want to."
"You are in love!" came the dry statement from Toshiya and he handed him a cup of tea, nodding towards his room. Assuming Die would follow him, he left him standing there and sat down on his bed.
Looking a bit dumbfounded, Die followed his friend, sitting down on the bed beside him before taking a long sip from his mug.
"Die, we applied for this job because we were broke, freezing and fucking hungry and because we had this idea for the book. Now look what has happened. You fell in love with a whore, allowed somebody to watch you being fucked to use the money to buy said whore for a day." Toshiya looked at his friend dead serious. "There's no future for you two."
"So what are you trying to say?" Die arched an eyebrow, frowning slightly. "I can't turn back time and make it undone. Are you telling me to just forget about it?"
"Yes." The black-haired man nodded. "That's basically what I'm trying to tell you. C'mon," he sighed, "you came here as a straight man, and suddenly fell for this guy. I admit that there is something about him, but it's just maybe part of the magic of this place; of his job. He's working here for long and I can't believe that he just stops because a fool like you fell for him."
"I don't know if he'd want to stop for a 'fool like me' or anything." Die was still frowning and didn't look his friend in the eye, just taking a sip of the tea. "But the fact is that he can't stop. He's a friggin' prisoner here, and I want to help him. I need to." He had no intentions in forgetting about his feelings or the other man.
"What do you mean by saying he's a prisoner?" For a moment, Toshiya forgot about the main topic of this conversation and only asked curiously.
"That he's not here freewillingly." The other sighed, shaking his head. "It's just not fair that a good person like he is has to go through this..."
"But Die, don't you think it's him who has to find a way out if he's not here freewillingly? You can't save everybody." Toshiya didn't know his friend differently. Die had always been kind and helpful, but this was different, this was messing with people one shouldn't mess with and Toshiya feared that his friend was about to do something stupid.
"I don't want to save EVERYBODY," Die snapped, turning to look at the other, his eyes sparkling almost angrily. "I want to save HIM."
"And then?" Toshiya raised his voice as well. "You live happily ever after or what? Reality check Die, you don't have a job, have no money and all he can is spread his legs." He knew that he was hard, but he was determined to make his friend see that there was no chance for them.
"I don't know. I fucking have no idea!" Desperate, Die buried his face in his hands, not caring that the teamug fell on the mattress. Luckily he had already drunk the tea. "I can get a job somewhere. It can't be that impossible... there's plenty of jobs out there, somewhere." His voice was weird, as if he was trying to convince himself at the same time.
"Oh my god!" Toshiya yelped and instantly pulled him into his arms. "You really DO love him." Suddenly, he felt so helpless, didn't know what to advice his friend, had no idea if he should go on convincing him to let go of the prostitute or not. "But Die," his voice was considerably softer now, "what if all your effort is in vain? What if he doesn't feel anything for you; if he walks away the moment he is free to go?"
"I don't know. I just want to get him out of this place." Die clutched his friend's shirt in his fists, grateful for the comfort he offered. "If he walks away after that, there's nothing I can do really."
Toshiya's heart was aching because of the picture of misery in his arms and the desperation in the other's voice. "Wouldn't you be afraid he just stays out of pure gratefulness? And don't you think you only do this BECAUSE you hope he stays without caring for his reasons?"
"I really haven't thought it through that far. I just know he needs to get out of here." The redhead bit his lip, thinking silently for a while before going on. "But I don't want his gratefulness..." His voice was faint as he spoke the last words, but he meant them nevertheless.
"You want his love? What if he can't give it to you? What if his past haunts you once, if it makes you go crazy to know how many people have had him?" Still, his friend was only worried and tried his best to get things straight for Die, to make him think. "Right at this moment, there's somebody upstairs with him. What makes you think you can give him anything he doesn't have here?"
"I can give him the choice." Die turned his head, looking seriously at his friend. "The opportunity to do what he actually wants to. The rest is up to him."
There was utter compassion in Toshiya's eyes when he gazed back and his voice was only a faint whisper when he spoke again. "Doesn't it make you go crazy to know that there's somebody with him right now?" He saw that arguing with his friend didn't make any sense, but he knew he'd go on a rampage if he were him.
"I try not to think about it," the redhead confessed, closing his eyes for a moment. "Otherwise I'd just want to kill someone."
Wordlessly, the other pulled him back into his arms, kissing the top of his head. "Just please don't get yourself into trouble," he begged, his voice quiet.
"I won't," Die promised silently, not sure if he would be able to keep that promise though.
They didn't talk much more then, just staid together silently and thought about things. Eventually, when Die had to go to work, he was just automatically doing everything he needed to, his thoughts somewhere far away. Toshiya had to get away from everything and went out clubbing, determined to get wasted and forget about his best friend's misery.
With passing days, everything went back to normal as it seemed. Kaoru and Die were still spending every free minute together, only that the first tried not to talk too much about his customers, even concealed from the redhead when he was sore or otherwise aching.
One late evening, the boss called for Die, speaking about a mysterious offer he had gotten. When the redhead got out of the boss' office, he was pale as chalk, looking somewhat disturbed. He didn't go back to his room, not wanting to talk to his best friend at that moment, and instead headed outside to smoke a cigarette.
"Hey!" Kyo was leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette himself. His smile vanished though when he noticed the other's expression. "What happened? Something wrong?"
"No, no. Nothing's wrong." Die forced out a smile, but didn't succeed in his attempt to look casual.
For a long moment, the small blonde measured him, tilting his head. "I know you're lying. If you wanna talk about something, I promise not to gossip."
"Well," The redhead began without noticing it at first. He took a long drag of the cig, staring into the distance while going on. "I talked to the boss a moment ago."
"Gods, did you do something? I could cover you, really." Kyo looked obviously shocked.
"No, I didn't do anything." Die shook his head, inwardly adding 'yet' at the end of the sentence. "But he wants me to do something. And he just talked to me about it."
"Oh, will you get the job in the bar? That'd be so cool. All the ladies like the bartender and even though they are customers, you'd get a lot of tips," the blonde babbled enthusiastically. "Not to mention that you wouldn't have to clean up anymore."
"Nope. It's not the job in the bar." Finally, Die looked his friend in the eye, dead serious. His courage almost failed him and he thought he should just get it all out as quickly as possible. "You now that Kakihara guy?"
"Sure." The other nodded. "He's one of Kaoru's regulars. A weird guy. Hard but not brutal or so. Why?"
"He wants to fuck me."
Kyo's jaw dropped a few inches and for a few seconds, he could only stare at his friend. "And you declined, right?" But Die's pale face after the talk had spoken a clear language, yet Kyo didn't want to believe it. "Right?" he repeated more quiet.
"No." Die shook his head shortly, refusing to meet the other's gaze.
"Are you crazy? Didn't you learn anything from the time where he watched, where Kaoru fucked you?" The blonde man couldn't believe his friend was serious about this. "Why?"
"I need the money." Die explained shortly, rubbing his temples with his fingers. "And he pays a lot." He was determined to collect as much money as he could get to be able to buy Kaoru free one day, to help him out of this place.
"For what in the heavens do you need this much money? If you hadn't bought Kaoru that damn day, you would still have a lot. Fuck Die, I can borrow you some." Kyo had grabbed his arm, tugging it a bit to make the redhead look at him.
"He needed the day!" The redhead looked somewhat desperate, finally turning his head a bit to look at his friend. "And you don't have the kind of money I need. Even this won't give me enough, but it's a start at least."
"Okay Die. I see you don't want to talk about it. But do me a favour, a big one. Be careful. Prep yourself before he comes or let somebody help you. After all," Kyo hesitated, biting his lip, "you're almost still a virgin. Then you have to insist that he uses a condom. Tell me you insisted, please."
"I'm not that dumb." For the first time during their conversation the redhead actually smiled a bit. "He'll use one. And I'll survive, don't worry. Just please, don't tell anyone.."
Kyo blushed a bit and nodded. "I promise. My lips are sealed." The fact that they would use a condom had calmed him down somewhat. He knew, usually this was a rule, but their elitist guests paid a hell lot of money to do it without. That was the reason why the whores had to go to a checkup every month. Not that this promised safety for them.
"I'm just kinda nervous." Die admitted, chewing on his lip rather forceful. "I have no idea what he assumes, and expects from me."
"Usually the customers tell beforehand," Kyo said smiling and only then became aware that he was still clutching the other's arm and quickly let go. "I would now want to tell you not to be nervous, but I can't. If I were you, I'd be a wreck already," he confessed with a faint smile.
"The boss only said he wants to... fuck me, so I guess it's gonna be all." The redhead nodded as if he was trying to convince himself about it too. "Anyways, it's gonna be tomorrow already, so I don't have much time to worry beforehand."
"Gosh, tomorrow?" The blonde had problems to hide his shock. "Die, just go there and do your best. He probably wants you to be nervous, the blushing virgin."
"I suppose so." Die nodded, taking a deep breath. "So he at least gets what he wants." He smiled forcedly, intending on getting inside since his break was over.
Kyo remained standing where he was and placed another cigarette between his lips. He thought he had a pretty good guess what the reason for Die's decision was, but that was none of his business. At least he was determined to just be there for his friend and to keep silent about this.
Kaoru had just had his last customer and was mildly puzzled that somebody else than Die had come to take the sheets and take care of things. But then, the redhead had other things to attend too, so maybe he was just busy. It was still quite early for him and Kaoru just wanted to find the redhead and tell him that he could come over after his shift if he wanted.
A cigarette dangling between his lips, he left his room and waved at Aiji who was standing in the hall and waited for the elevator. "Hey. Last customer gone too or do you have a free day?" he asked. They never talked much, but that didn't mean that they disliked each other. It was just that Kaoru still preferred to be for himself than to mingle with the other whores.
"I have a free day, and I was told to spend it somewhere else than in my room." The grin on Aiji's face told that he didn't mind, and had fun with his free day anyways. "I don't know when I get to go back there, so I'm just trying to figure out where I want to sleep for the night."
"Are they redecorating your room at this time of the day or what?" Kaoru shook his head and asked himself if now everybody had gone nuts. He couldn't remember an incident before where one of them had just been banned from his room.
"Nope, there's a customer in there." The other shrugged. "They needed a room and mine was technically free."
"Okay Aiji," Kaoru rolled his eyes, "you fucking drama queen. NOW I'm curious. There's a customer in there? Do we have a new entry and no room or what?"
"Nope." Aiji shook his head, grinning slightly. "The customer, I believe you know him - Kakihara - is there sharing some privacy with one of our servants."
The purple-haired man grew pale as a sheet and his eyes widened. Kakihara? Die was in there with Kakihara. There was no other possibility than that. Still, maybe he was wrong. Die was just busy, helping Toshiya in the kitchen right at that moment, he was sure. "You mean...?" He didn't want to say it, his hands shaking slightly.
"He seems to be really fond of Die, you know." Aiji somehow managed to miss the change in the man he was talking to and went on casually. "Maybe he's been here too often and now just needed some change in the routines..?"
Kaoru had to swallow hard to keep his voice from trembling, fighting to get a grip on himself. "Yeah, probably. Well," he forced a smile on his lips, "my luck. I'm having off now. So enjoy your evening, ne."
Everything in him was screaming and he just wanted to bust through that door and keep the other man from touching the redhead. But he didn't do it. He had no right as it was Die's life and his decision what he did with his body. Yet, he couldn't deny that it hurt him; deeper than he had imagined possible. So he just wanted to end this conversation quickly and flee, retreat to his room and be alone.
Aiji just shot him a weird glance when he hurried away, as there was something suspicious in the other's behavior if one asked him.
Die survived through the night, just like he had promised. Kakikara didn't only settle for nailing him once though and when he finally was allowed to drag himself back to his room he was seriously aching all over. The man had left a generous tip though, and in the end Die had earned more than he had believed. But still, the only thing that got him through it was that he kept on telling himself for what he needed the money. It would go to a higher purpose.
On the way to his room, he bumped into Kyo. But the small blonde sensed that his friend needed some time for himself and only offered him to be there in case he needed someone to talk or something else. Toshiya had a late shift in the kitchen, and thus wasn't home when Die got there.
Only an hour afterwards, the door opened and the young black-haired man entered the apartment with an audible sigh. He saw that the lights were still burning in his friend's room and carefully knocked on the door. "Die, you still awake?" He just wanted to ask him, because he hadn't seen him at work that day and was worried if he got sick.
For a moment Die considered just remaining silent, not giving away that he was awake. He was still shaking slightly, only now completely realizing what had happened, re-living the happenings in his mind over and over again. Finally he spoke up though, his voice slightly muffled. "Yeah." He turned his head a bit, looking at the door over his shoulder as he was lying on his stomach on his bed.
Carefully, Toshiya entered the room, but stopped his track when he spotted the other. "Die, oh my god! Are you sick?" With two steps, he had reached the bed and sat down at the edge. His friend looked horrible. Worried, he put his hand on Die's forehead, trying to feel if he had a fever.
"I'm fine." Die shook his head a bit, carefully resting back against the pillow again, but keeping his eyes on his friend. "Could you gimme some painkillers though? I didn't find any, but I guess you have some..?"
"I thought you're fine." The black-haired practically inquired him with his gaze. "Die, what's wrong? Shall I call a doctor? You don't seem to get a cold."
"No, I don't need a doc. I just need painkillers and some sleep." The redhead tried to look as convincing as possible, even smiling a bit.
"Okay." Not completely satisfied with the answer, Toshiya stood up and went to his room to fetch the painkillers. After a few moments, he returned with them and a glass of water, sitting down at the edge of the bed again.
He watched his friend contemplatively while he took the pills and then shook his head. "Die, I know there's something wrong with you. But you don't need to tell me. Just know that I'm there, okay?" This was his usual trick to get make the other talk even if he didn't want to, using their friendship to make Die feel guilty.
The redhead closed his eyes, biting his lip forcefully for a moment. He didn't want to speak about it to the other, really not, since he knew that Toshiya would be angry at him. But he knew as well that he had all the right to be mad too. Something like this wasn't easy to keep inside though and he knew he would have to talk to someone eventually. "I..." He begun, his voice a bit shaky. "I doubt I can work tomorrow."
Sensing that something major was bugging his friend, Toshiya crawled on the mattress and lay down next to him. He also sensed that it wasn't anything physical, at least that didn't seem to be the reason for his sickness only. "No problem," he said softly and put his hand on Die's shoulder, "I will tell the others and the boss that you're sick."
"I suppose the boss knows already..." Die refused to meet the other's gaze, feeling somehow uneasy.
Toshiya purposefully pretended to be dumb and still asked, sounding a bit surprised. "You told him already?"
"He's the one who got me into this mess." The other let out a small laugh that sounded hysteric, even scary. "Although I can't blame anyone but myself."
Not able to bear the curiosity in him anymore, Toshiya squeezed the redhead's arm harder. "Die, would you please now tell me what happened in coherent sentences without me having to bug you for every little piece of information?"
A long pause followed, as Die practically held his breath, not knowing what to say, but eventually he couldn't just keep it in. "I guess one could say that I did some in depth research for the book." The words were almost too casual, since he tried to look like it didn't bother him.
"You just did what?" His friend stared at him in shock. Toshiya just didn't want to believe the whole magnitude of what Die had just said. "You... again with Kao?"
"I fucking wish..." The redhead ran his fingers through his hair in a nervous gesture, shaking his head a bit.
"Die, you sold yourself? What the fuck has gotten into you? I thought you were cured after the first time? Does anything I say mean something to you? Do you even listen to me or does your brain just shut down the moment I open my mouth?" Toshiya griped angrily. "I get that you wanted to get into Kao's pants, really, but what the fuck is that all about now? You change careers or what?"
"I do listen to you. And it's not like it'd be my dream-job and that I'm now going to take it as a hobby." Die sounded somewhat angry as well, but mostly just bitter and frustrated. "But I need the money."
"And then you just go and bend over for some old fart?" Toshiya hadn't calmed down in the least, far from it. "You could've come to me for fuck's sake. I would've given you my money and you know that. Don't you trust me? I hope it was worth the effort." He glared at his friend, shocked, disbelieving. "What do you need the money for anyways?"
"You don't have even nearly enough money. You haven't even SEEN that much money in your whole life." The redhead shifted, forgetting his aches in the sudden rush of anger, but it only resulted in a pained gasp and he fell back on the mattress. "I need a fucking fortune..."
The black-haired man was still staring at him, but his anger was slowly making way for frustration and disappointment. "You could've at least talked to me about it. And tell me, what's so fucking important to get that you allow somebody to fuck you?"
"I want to get him out of here." Die buried his face into the pillow, his voice sounding a bit muffled. They both knew very well whom he was talking about.
"But-" Toshiya was at the loss of words. What was he supposed to say? Bits and pieces of thoughts and emotions were running through him and in the end, he came to the conclusion that he felt deep compassion for his friend who was so unhappily in love. So he forced his own opinion to the background and only asked, his voice now soft again, "Do you even know how much money you'll need? Did you ask?"
"I talked about it in general with Kyo once, long ago, so I know about how big amounts we're talking here." The other sighed, turning his head to look at his friend from huge, desperate eyes. "But I don't know exactly."
"You fell hard for him, right? But I'm not sure if he'd want you to sell yourself to get him free. And," Toshiya took on a dead serious expression, "I won't allow you to do it again."
"Don't worry. My butt ain't worth enough to gain that kind of money." Die tried to smile a bit, although it came out as a forced grin.
"And what's your plan now? Work and save until you're fifty?" his black-haired friend asked, sarcasm audible in his voice. "Can't you try to forget it? I know it's hard, but the situation's just so stuck. There's nothing you can do."
"I can't just let go, and you should know it. I'll figure something out... And I have at least a start now." Die laughed cheerlessly, his eyes looking somehow empty. "Who would've thought that I earn more money in a few hours than ever before in my life."
In a loving gesture, Toshiya ran his spreaded fingers through the other's hair. "Just try to forget about it. And if you feel bad, you can always talk to me and tell me what bugs you." He was afraid that this incident would have an after effect on his friend of which he wasn't aware yet. He didn't want it to haunt Die in his dreams.
"I'll try to get over it." The redhead nodded, almost frantically. "It shouldn't be that big of a deal. It's not like I wouldn't have known beforehand how it'd be."
That comment made his friend laugh cheerlessly and Toshiya shook his head. "Yeah, but it's still different."
"I know. And he wasn't exactly easy on me..." Subconsciously Die leaned a bit closer to the other, searching for comfort. Their conversation had at least somehow calmed him down, because he had been able to talk to someone about the things that worried him.
"I'm sorry Die." Automatically, Toshiya wrapped his arms around the other man and pulled him against his chest. "Kaoru'd better appreciate this or I will ..." But he didn't finish the sentence, swallowing the comment.
"But he's not supposed to know." Die's eyes widened instantly, and he searched for the other's gaze, shaking his head a bit. "Don't say anything, please."
"Gods, you do all this without knowing what he thinks? Die, how often shall I tell you that you're stupid? What if Kaoru doesn't want your help? Did he even signal that he likes you too?" Toshiya sounded as desperate as his friend, but for different reasons. After a few seconds, he nodded defeated. "Okay, I won't say anything. I promise."
A relieved sigh escaped the redhead instantly. "Thank you." He staid silent for a moment, but it felt somehow that he owed the other even some kind of explanation. "I just don't think it's necessary for him to know it. I've made up my mind anyways..."
"You're one stubborn son of a bitch." His friend whispered almost lovingly. Toshiya knew, once Die had taken a decision, there was no way to make him step back. "But you will have to tell him what you feel once," he added seriously after a moment. "Otherwise you'll never know what he feels for you."
"I will. As soon as I manage to collect enough courage." Die's voice held a soft, almost dreamy undertone when he spoke, and it was somehow very clear how serious he was about his feelings.
"You....!" Gushingly, Toshiya hugged him tight. "One turns his back on you for a second and you're head over heels for a guy." Chuckling a bit in the attempt to lift the tension, he added. "At least you're not half-hearted and went for full drama."
"I know." The other chuckled, his smile honest as he looked up. "Deep down inside I've always been a drama-queen."
"I always knew it." The black-haired man grinned.
They were staying like this for a long time, Toshiya silently holding his friend, comforting him, until Die finally drifted off to sleep. After carefully spreading the blanket over him, he went back to his room and sat down on his bed. He couldn't sleep instantly, but thougt a lot about the redhead and his miserable situation.
Die had been right when he had predicted he wouldn't be able to work the next day. He was aching all over as he woke up in the morning, and spent the whole day in bed. Toshiya brought him something to eat, and in the evening all four of them sat in Die's room for a while, just chatting and relaxing.
Neither of them talked about the incident and tried to avoid the topic carefully. It wasn't easy though and demanded a lot creativity, because Die was wincing pained every now and then whenever he made a thoughtless movement.
Kyo told that their boss had made clear he wouldn't allow Die to stay in bed another day, although he would've needed it, and that he had to work early shift the next morning. "But don't worry. The others and I will do most of the work. You only have to take care of Kaoru's room."
"Thank you." Die was totally relieved that he wouldn't have to run around for the whole day, because moving still caused him serious troubles. He felt extremely lucky and grateful that he had such good friends who were helping him with everything. And he was determined to do his work as best as he could, hoping that Kaoru wouldn't find out what had happened.
"No need to thank me." Kyo waved aside laughing. "We just don't want to listen to your whining all day." They didn't talk that long anymore, because all of them had to get up very early. Everybody knew that the day would be tough for Die, but they were partly convinced that it was his own fault, although they were determined to make it as easy for him as possible. Die would've been the first to admit that it was his own fault, and he even felt a bit bad for causing the others extra work. He wouldn't survive alone though, and he knew it.
The next morning, when he went to Kaoru's room to help him get dressed, he dug out his best casual smile, trying to look as if everything was completely normal.
But when he was about to reach out his hands to tie the other's elaborate leather shirt, Kaoru took a step backwards, away from him. He was disappointed that Die pretended as if nothing had happened, that he didn't tell him about his experiences of being a whore.
The past day had been hell for him, as he had almost died from worrying about the redhead, his imagination providing him with horrible scenes of a bruised, torn Die. But now, he was standing right in front of him, wearing that winning smile of his, and still didn't talk to him. "Where were you yesterday?" Kaoru asked, his voice demanding, almost cold.
Instantly, the redhead's smile faltered, and his heart began to pound nervously. "I wasn't feeling that good and staid in bed." It at least was the truth, if not all of it. He was hoping the other would believe that he had been just sick, and would blame everything else on it as well, like the obvious soreness.
"Ah, I see." Pretending that he was content with this explanation, Kaoru lifted his arms and allowed the redhead to tie the laces of the shirt. They remained silent until he spoke up again, mentioning almost casual. "I hope your fuck with Kakihara was good. He can be quite rough."
Die flinched noticeably, instinctively taking a step backwards which caused him to gasp as burning pain shot up from his lower back. He forced himself to calm down though, trying to look casual. "Nothing I couldn't live through." Inwardly, his mind was racing though; how on earth had Kaoru found out?
Kaoru's eyes didn't give away what he felt and he kept his voice low. "You should've told me beforehand that you're thinking about getting into business. I could've given you a few good tips."
He had thought this conversation through over and over again, had imagined himself yelling at Die, telling him how stupid he had acted, but now he was incapable to show how hurt he actually was. He simply was too afraid that everything, he had thought was between them, had been nothing but a big cloud of smoke; and to keep himself from going insane, he put up the mask he had learned to wear throughout the years of being a prostitute.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not going to repeat that very soon." Die's voice was shaking slightly, although he tried all he could to keep calm, to act as if he was fine with everything. But the thought of what he'd gone through just the day before yesterday still made him tremble, and the coldness in Kaoru's voice made him almost panic already.
Kaoru turned around to face the window and to hide the tears which were welling in his eyes. Only after a second though, he turned around again, his expression perfectly blank. "And I thought you discovered your likes for easy money. What made you change your mind then?"
"You know, when I see someone important to me suffer, I have to do something." Die spoke honestly, not giving it another thought before the words were flowing out of his mouth. He didn't know if he was angry or frustrated, sad or just desperate. "I'm sorry if you disapprove. But after all, it's my ass we're talking about here, and if I want to sell it I damn well can."
The words hit where it hurt, but Kaoru didn't show it, remained completely motionless. He still had to swallow though before he could speak again. "It is your ass, no question about that. But make sure the one you're thinking you do this for wants your help too."
He wouldn't allow Die to sell himself out for him, didn't even want him to know that he had fallen in love with him, because he knew that this was reality and in this world, they didn't have a chance to be together. There was no happy end for them.
"What?" Die looked like he didn't believe a word he heard, momentarily dropping the strong facade he had been trying so much to hold up. "What's that supposed to mean?" The coldness in Kaoru's voice, the emptiness in those eyes hurt him more that he could've ever imagined. And for the first time, he wasn't sure if he had taken the right decision after all.
"That means," the other breathed out, "that I don't want your alms. I'm quite content with where I am and I ask you to stop messing with my business." Inwardly, his heart broke and he was sure one could hear it if one only listened closely. But he wanted Die to keep away from this business, didn't want him to get into troubles. Kaoru knew how dangerous the boss could be if one messed with his belongings. And, facing the truth, Kaoru was his property.
Die hadn't known that words could cause physical pain, but there he was and noticed that he was literally hurting because of what the other had said. "You don't mean that..." His voice was tiny though, and it was clear that he wasn't sure; he wasn't sure of anything anymore.
"You didn't think you can just waltz into my life and turn everything upside down, did you? I'm very well capable to look after myself, so thanks for the concern." Kaoru knew he couldn't bear the utterly hurt expression on the other's face for long, Die's sad gaze piercing right through his soul. "And now finish your work and then let me do my job."
Tears were burning in Die's eyes as he just grabbed the shirt to lace it properly, almost angrily. His hands were trembling violently, and as soon as he was done he wordlessly turned around, not able to say anything without breaking down completely.
At the same moment the door had closed behind him, tears began to run down the purple-haired man's cheeks. "I'm sorry, but I can't let you do this for me," he whispered, unable to move away from the spot where he was standing.
Author:
seinen_no and fonulynRating: NC17
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: Die and Toshiya are unemployed and penniless, even sharing a crappy apartment as best friends although they can barely even afford that one either. Across the street there's a luxurious whore-house, and the two have the brilliant idea that they'll try to get inside information about how things are in there to be able to write a book about it, to cure all their financial problems. Everything doesn't go as planned though, and Die is fascinated by one of the prostitutes like a moth by a flame.
Comments:
fonulyn: And this chapter made me cry when I re-read it XD I admit everything! I am pathetic and let the stories effect me too much, even when they’re our own stories for god’s sake. …to be honest I cried even when we were writing this… But I don’t think you wanna listen to me blabbing about how pathetic I am so I’ll just say it shortly. I pity all of them, Tosh too, and I like that he’s being a really good friend there^^ Enjoy the chapter! And let us know what you think^^seinen_no: Like many of you predicted, the troubles begin. Only maybe a bit differently than you thought (at least I hope so, 'cause this would've certainly taken me by surprise). Only this much, I really really pity all of them. Of course I do pity Kaoru and Die the most, but then I feel bad for Toshiya. He's trying to be a good friend and still he kinda loses him in a way, because Die doesn't seem to listen to any of his advices. But read for yourselves and let us know what you think. Drama…Previously happened: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 , Part 8
Chapter 9: In Depth Research
Bitterness filled the purple-haired man as he was staring at the door through which Die had just left; bitterness and anger. It had been long since he had cared for his situation, since he had cursed his miserable life. Die had shown him a glimpse of freedom, of something he had long forgotten, and he wasn't sure if he was glad about it.
Now it would be harder to go on like he had before, and the mere thought of allowing somebody to touch himself like the redhead had touched him, made him feel like utter scum.
Die had a good guess of how the other man felt, and it all made him just more and more determined to do something about the situation. Quickly, he made his way to his own room, thinking he could take a short nap before getting back to work again.
Apparently, it was Toshiya's free day and he had just gotten up to cook some tea on the small stove in the hall. "Hey...," He greeted his friend, an insecure smile on his lips. "Enjoyed your day off?" There was no accusation in his tone, nothing that showed if he was angry or not.
Die smiled, hoping that his friend wouldn't be mad at him. "Yeah. Too bad that it's over already." Spontaneously he hugged the other shortly, maybe wanting to thank him for being so patient with him somehow.
"With what did I deserve this?" Toshiya chuckled and hugged him back. "Was it worth it? You at least look good." Indeed, there was a little colour on the redhead's pale cheeks and a deep sparkle in his eyes which made clear that he was happy.
"It was." Die sighed, and everything in him made clear that he honestly meant it. "Too bad I won't have money to do that again in a long time..."
"Well," the other winked smirking, "you just need to go and find yourself somebody who's cheaper."
"It wouldn't work..." The redhead bit his lip slightly, averting his gaze.
Smiling softly, Toshiya crouched down in front of him, trying to catch a look at his eyes from below. "Wouldn't work? You like him a lot, right? I mean," he hesitated for a moment, a frown appearing on his forehead, "I was right, ne?"
"Right with what?" Seriously, Die looked his friend in the eye, toying with the hem of his shirt nervously.
"When I said that there's more; that you got yourself too involved."
"Yeah. I got myself too involved. But I can't help it. And I'm not sure if I'd even want to."
"You are in love!" came the dry statement from Toshiya and he handed him a cup of tea, nodding towards his room. Assuming Die would follow him, he left him standing there and sat down on his bed.
Looking a bit dumbfounded, Die followed his friend, sitting down on the bed beside him before taking a long sip from his mug.
"Die, we applied for this job because we were broke, freezing and fucking hungry and because we had this idea for the book. Now look what has happened. You fell in love with a whore, allowed somebody to watch you being fucked to use the money to buy said whore for a day." Toshiya looked at his friend dead serious. "There's no future for you two."
"So what are you trying to say?" Die arched an eyebrow, frowning slightly. "I can't turn back time and make it undone. Are you telling me to just forget about it?"
"Yes." The black-haired man nodded. "That's basically what I'm trying to tell you. C'mon," he sighed, "you came here as a straight man, and suddenly fell for this guy. I admit that there is something about him, but it's just maybe part of the magic of this place; of his job. He's working here for long and I can't believe that he just stops because a fool like you fell for him."
"I don't know if he'd want to stop for a 'fool like me' or anything." Die was still frowning and didn't look his friend in the eye, just taking a sip of the tea. "But the fact is that he can't stop. He's a friggin' prisoner here, and I want to help him. I need to." He had no intentions in forgetting about his feelings or the other man.
"What do you mean by saying he's a prisoner?" For a moment, Toshiya forgot about the main topic of this conversation and only asked curiously.
"That he's not here freewillingly." The other sighed, shaking his head. "It's just not fair that a good person like he is has to go through this..."
"But Die, don't you think it's him who has to find a way out if he's not here freewillingly? You can't save everybody." Toshiya didn't know his friend differently. Die had always been kind and helpful, but this was different, this was messing with people one shouldn't mess with and Toshiya feared that his friend was about to do something stupid.
"I don't want to save EVERYBODY," Die snapped, turning to look at the other, his eyes sparkling almost angrily. "I want to save HIM."
"And then?" Toshiya raised his voice as well. "You live happily ever after or what? Reality check Die, you don't have a job, have no money and all he can is spread his legs." He knew that he was hard, but he was determined to make his friend see that there was no chance for them.
"I don't know. I fucking have no idea!" Desperate, Die buried his face in his hands, not caring that the teamug fell on the mattress. Luckily he had already drunk the tea. "I can get a job somewhere. It can't be that impossible... there's plenty of jobs out there, somewhere." His voice was weird, as if he was trying to convince himself at the same time.
"Oh my god!" Toshiya yelped and instantly pulled him into his arms. "You really DO love him." Suddenly, he felt so helpless, didn't know what to advice his friend, had no idea if he should go on convincing him to let go of the prostitute or not. "But Die," his voice was considerably softer now, "what if all your effort is in vain? What if he doesn't feel anything for you; if he walks away the moment he is free to go?"
"I don't know. I just want to get him out of this place." Die clutched his friend's shirt in his fists, grateful for the comfort he offered. "If he walks away after that, there's nothing I can do really."
Toshiya's heart was aching because of the picture of misery in his arms and the desperation in the other's voice. "Wouldn't you be afraid he just stays out of pure gratefulness? And don't you think you only do this BECAUSE you hope he stays without caring for his reasons?"
"I really haven't thought it through that far. I just know he needs to get out of here." The redhead bit his lip, thinking silently for a while before going on. "But I don't want his gratefulness..." His voice was faint as he spoke the last words, but he meant them nevertheless.
"You want his love? What if he can't give it to you? What if his past haunts you once, if it makes you go crazy to know how many people have had him?" Still, his friend was only worried and tried his best to get things straight for Die, to make him think. "Right at this moment, there's somebody upstairs with him. What makes you think you can give him anything he doesn't have here?"
"I can give him the choice." Die turned his head, looking seriously at his friend. "The opportunity to do what he actually wants to. The rest is up to him."
There was utter compassion in Toshiya's eyes when he gazed back and his voice was only a faint whisper when he spoke again. "Doesn't it make you go crazy to know that there's somebody with him right now?" He saw that arguing with his friend didn't make any sense, but he knew he'd go on a rampage if he were him.
"I try not to think about it," the redhead confessed, closing his eyes for a moment. "Otherwise I'd just want to kill someone."
Wordlessly, the other pulled him back into his arms, kissing the top of his head. "Just please don't get yourself into trouble," he begged, his voice quiet.
"I won't," Die promised silently, not sure if he would be able to keep that promise though.
They didn't talk much more then, just staid together silently and thought about things. Eventually, when Die had to go to work, he was just automatically doing everything he needed to, his thoughts somewhere far away. Toshiya had to get away from everything and went out clubbing, determined to get wasted and forget about his best friend's misery.
With passing days, everything went back to normal as it seemed. Kaoru and Die were still spending every free minute together, only that the first tried not to talk too much about his customers, even concealed from the redhead when he was sore or otherwise aching.
One late evening, the boss called for Die, speaking about a mysterious offer he had gotten. When the redhead got out of the boss' office, he was pale as chalk, looking somewhat disturbed. He didn't go back to his room, not wanting to talk to his best friend at that moment, and instead headed outside to smoke a cigarette.
"Hey!" Kyo was leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette himself. His smile vanished though when he noticed the other's expression. "What happened? Something wrong?"
"No, no. Nothing's wrong." Die forced out a smile, but didn't succeed in his attempt to look casual.
For a long moment, the small blonde measured him, tilting his head. "I know you're lying. If you wanna talk about something, I promise not to gossip."
"Well," The redhead began without noticing it at first. He took a long drag of the cig, staring into the distance while going on. "I talked to the boss a moment ago."
"Gods, did you do something? I could cover you, really." Kyo looked obviously shocked.
"No, I didn't do anything." Die shook his head, inwardly adding 'yet' at the end of the sentence. "But he wants me to do something. And he just talked to me about it."
"Oh, will you get the job in the bar? That'd be so cool. All the ladies like the bartender and even though they are customers, you'd get a lot of tips," the blonde babbled enthusiastically. "Not to mention that you wouldn't have to clean up anymore."
"Nope. It's not the job in the bar." Finally, Die looked his friend in the eye, dead serious. His courage almost failed him and he thought he should just get it all out as quickly as possible. "You now that Kakihara guy?"
"Sure." The other nodded. "He's one of Kaoru's regulars. A weird guy. Hard but not brutal or so. Why?"
"He wants to fuck me."
Kyo's jaw dropped a few inches and for a few seconds, he could only stare at his friend. "And you declined, right?" But Die's pale face after the talk had spoken a clear language, yet Kyo didn't want to believe it. "Right?" he repeated more quiet.
"No." Die shook his head shortly, refusing to meet the other's gaze.
"Are you crazy? Didn't you learn anything from the time where he watched, where Kaoru fucked you?" The blonde man couldn't believe his friend was serious about this. "Why?"
"I need the money." Die explained shortly, rubbing his temples with his fingers. "And he pays a lot." He was determined to collect as much money as he could get to be able to buy Kaoru free one day, to help him out of this place.
"For what in the heavens do you need this much money? If you hadn't bought Kaoru that damn day, you would still have a lot. Fuck Die, I can borrow you some." Kyo had grabbed his arm, tugging it a bit to make the redhead look at him.
"He needed the day!" The redhead looked somewhat desperate, finally turning his head a bit to look at his friend. "And you don't have the kind of money I need. Even this won't give me enough, but it's a start at least."
"Okay Die. I see you don't want to talk about it. But do me a favour, a big one. Be careful. Prep yourself before he comes or let somebody help you. After all," Kyo hesitated, biting his lip, "you're almost still a virgin. Then you have to insist that he uses a condom. Tell me you insisted, please."
"I'm not that dumb." For the first time during their conversation the redhead actually smiled a bit. "He'll use one. And I'll survive, don't worry. Just please, don't tell anyone.."
Kyo blushed a bit and nodded. "I promise. My lips are sealed." The fact that they would use a condom had calmed him down somewhat. He knew, usually this was a rule, but their elitist guests paid a hell lot of money to do it without. That was the reason why the whores had to go to a checkup every month. Not that this promised safety for them.
"I'm just kinda nervous." Die admitted, chewing on his lip rather forceful. "I have no idea what he assumes, and expects from me."
"Usually the customers tell beforehand," Kyo said smiling and only then became aware that he was still clutching the other's arm and quickly let go. "I would now want to tell you not to be nervous, but I can't. If I were you, I'd be a wreck already," he confessed with a faint smile.
"The boss only said he wants to... fuck me, so I guess it's gonna be all." The redhead nodded as if he was trying to convince himself about it too. "Anyways, it's gonna be tomorrow already, so I don't have much time to worry beforehand."
"Gosh, tomorrow?" The blonde had problems to hide his shock. "Die, just go there and do your best. He probably wants you to be nervous, the blushing virgin."
"I suppose so." Die nodded, taking a deep breath. "So he at least gets what he wants." He smiled forcedly, intending on getting inside since his break was over.
Kyo remained standing where he was and placed another cigarette between his lips. He thought he had a pretty good guess what the reason for Die's decision was, but that was none of his business. At least he was determined to just be there for his friend and to keep silent about this.
Kaoru had just had his last customer and was mildly puzzled that somebody else than Die had come to take the sheets and take care of things. But then, the redhead had other things to attend too, so maybe he was just busy. It was still quite early for him and Kaoru just wanted to find the redhead and tell him that he could come over after his shift if he wanted.
A cigarette dangling between his lips, he left his room and waved at Aiji who was standing in the hall and waited for the elevator. "Hey. Last customer gone too or do you have a free day?" he asked. They never talked much, but that didn't mean that they disliked each other. It was just that Kaoru still preferred to be for himself than to mingle with the other whores.
"I have a free day, and I was told to spend it somewhere else than in my room." The grin on Aiji's face told that he didn't mind, and had fun with his free day anyways. "I don't know when I get to go back there, so I'm just trying to figure out where I want to sleep for the night."
"Are they redecorating your room at this time of the day or what?" Kaoru shook his head and asked himself if now everybody had gone nuts. He couldn't remember an incident before where one of them had just been banned from his room.
"Nope, there's a customer in there." The other shrugged. "They needed a room and mine was technically free."
"Okay Aiji," Kaoru rolled his eyes, "you fucking drama queen. NOW I'm curious. There's a customer in there? Do we have a new entry and no room or what?"
"Nope." Aiji shook his head, grinning slightly. "The customer, I believe you know him - Kakihara - is there sharing some privacy with one of our servants."
The purple-haired man grew pale as a sheet and his eyes widened. Kakihara? Die was in there with Kakihara. There was no other possibility than that. Still, maybe he was wrong. Die was just busy, helping Toshiya in the kitchen right at that moment, he was sure. "You mean...?" He didn't want to say it, his hands shaking slightly.
"He seems to be really fond of Die, you know." Aiji somehow managed to miss the change in the man he was talking to and went on casually. "Maybe he's been here too often and now just needed some change in the routines..?"
Kaoru had to swallow hard to keep his voice from trembling, fighting to get a grip on himself. "Yeah, probably. Well," he forced a smile on his lips, "my luck. I'm having off now. So enjoy your evening, ne."
Everything in him was screaming and he just wanted to bust through that door and keep the other man from touching the redhead. But he didn't do it. He had no right as it was Die's life and his decision what he did with his body. Yet, he couldn't deny that it hurt him; deeper than he had imagined possible. So he just wanted to end this conversation quickly and flee, retreat to his room and be alone.
Aiji just shot him a weird glance when he hurried away, as there was something suspicious in the other's behavior if one asked him.
Die survived through the night, just like he had promised. Kakikara didn't only settle for nailing him once though and when he finally was allowed to drag himself back to his room he was seriously aching all over. The man had left a generous tip though, and in the end Die had earned more than he had believed. But still, the only thing that got him through it was that he kept on telling himself for what he needed the money. It would go to a higher purpose.
On the way to his room, he bumped into Kyo. But the small blonde sensed that his friend needed some time for himself and only offered him to be there in case he needed someone to talk or something else. Toshiya had a late shift in the kitchen, and thus wasn't home when Die got there.
Only an hour afterwards, the door opened and the young black-haired man entered the apartment with an audible sigh. He saw that the lights were still burning in his friend's room and carefully knocked on the door. "Die, you still awake?" He just wanted to ask him, because he hadn't seen him at work that day and was worried if he got sick.
For a moment Die considered just remaining silent, not giving away that he was awake. He was still shaking slightly, only now completely realizing what had happened, re-living the happenings in his mind over and over again. Finally he spoke up though, his voice slightly muffled. "Yeah." He turned his head a bit, looking at the door over his shoulder as he was lying on his stomach on his bed.
Carefully, Toshiya entered the room, but stopped his track when he spotted the other. "Die, oh my god! Are you sick?" With two steps, he had reached the bed and sat down at the edge. His friend looked horrible. Worried, he put his hand on Die's forehead, trying to feel if he had a fever.
"I'm fine." Die shook his head a bit, carefully resting back against the pillow again, but keeping his eyes on his friend. "Could you gimme some painkillers though? I didn't find any, but I guess you have some..?"
"I thought you're fine." The black-haired practically inquired him with his gaze. "Die, what's wrong? Shall I call a doctor? You don't seem to get a cold."
"No, I don't need a doc. I just need painkillers and some sleep." The redhead tried to look as convincing as possible, even smiling a bit.
"Okay." Not completely satisfied with the answer, Toshiya stood up and went to his room to fetch the painkillers. After a few moments, he returned with them and a glass of water, sitting down at the edge of the bed again.
He watched his friend contemplatively while he took the pills and then shook his head. "Die, I know there's something wrong with you. But you don't need to tell me. Just know that I'm there, okay?" This was his usual trick to get make the other talk even if he didn't want to, using their friendship to make Die feel guilty.
The redhead closed his eyes, biting his lip forcefully for a moment. He didn't want to speak about it to the other, really not, since he knew that Toshiya would be angry at him. But he knew as well that he had all the right to be mad too. Something like this wasn't easy to keep inside though and he knew he would have to talk to someone eventually. "I..." He begun, his voice a bit shaky. "I doubt I can work tomorrow."
Sensing that something major was bugging his friend, Toshiya crawled on the mattress and lay down next to him. He also sensed that it wasn't anything physical, at least that didn't seem to be the reason for his sickness only. "No problem," he said softly and put his hand on Die's shoulder, "I will tell the others and the boss that you're sick."
"I suppose the boss knows already..." Die refused to meet the other's gaze, feeling somehow uneasy.
Toshiya purposefully pretended to be dumb and still asked, sounding a bit surprised. "You told him already?"
"He's the one who got me into this mess." The other let out a small laugh that sounded hysteric, even scary. "Although I can't blame anyone but myself."
Not able to bear the curiosity in him anymore, Toshiya squeezed the redhead's arm harder. "Die, would you please now tell me what happened in coherent sentences without me having to bug you for every little piece of information?"
A long pause followed, as Die practically held his breath, not knowing what to say, but eventually he couldn't just keep it in. "I guess one could say that I did some in depth research for the book." The words were almost too casual, since he tried to look like it didn't bother him.
"You just did what?" His friend stared at him in shock. Toshiya just didn't want to believe the whole magnitude of what Die had just said. "You... again with Kao?"
"I fucking wish..." The redhead ran his fingers through his hair in a nervous gesture, shaking his head a bit.
"Die, you sold yourself? What the fuck has gotten into you? I thought you were cured after the first time? Does anything I say mean something to you? Do you even listen to me or does your brain just shut down the moment I open my mouth?" Toshiya griped angrily. "I get that you wanted to get into Kao's pants, really, but what the fuck is that all about now? You change careers or what?"
"I do listen to you. And it's not like it'd be my dream-job and that I'm now going to take it as a hobby." Die sounded somewhat angry as well, but mostly just bitter and frustrated. "But I need the money."
"And then you just go and bend over for some old fart?" Toshiya hadn't calmed down in the least, far from it. "You could've come to me for fuck's sake. I would've given you my money and you know that. Don't you trust me? I hope it was worth the effort." He glared at his friend, shocked, disbelieving. "What do you need the money for anyways?"
"You don't have even nearly enough money. You haven't even SEEN that much money in your whole life." The redhead shifted, forgetting his aches in the sudden rush of anger, but it only resulted in a pained gasp and he fell back on the mattress. "I need a fucking fortune..."
The black-haired man was still staring at him, but his anger was slowly making way for frustration and disappointment. "You could've at least talked to me about it. And tell me, what's so fucking important to get that you allow somebody to fuck you?"
"I want to get him out of here." Die buried his face into the pillow, his voice sounding a bit muffled. They both knew very well whom he was talking about.
"But-" Toshiya was at the loss of words. What was he supposed to say? Bits and pieces of thoughts and emotions were running through him and in the end, he came to the conclusion that he felt deep compassion for his friend who was so unhappily in love. So he forced his own opinion to the background and only asked, his voice now soft again, "Do you even know how much money you'll need? Did you ask?"
"I talked about it in general with Kyo once, long ago, so I know about how big amounts we're talking here." The other sighed, turning his head to look at his friend from huge, desperate eyes. "But I don't know exactly."
"You fell hard for him, right? But I'm not sure if he'd want you to sell yourself to get him free. And," Toshiya took on a dead serious expression, "I won't allow you to do it again."
"Don't worry. My butt ain't worth enough to gain that kind of money." Die tried to smile a bit, although it came out as a forced grin.
"And what's your plan now? Work and save until you're fifty?" his black-haired friend asked, sarcasm audible in his voice. "Can't you try to forget it? I know it's hard, but the situation's just so stuck. There's nothing you can do."
"I can't just let go, and you should know it. I'll figure something out... And I have at least a start now." Die laughed cheerlessly, his eyes looking somehow empty. "Who would've thought that I earn more money in a few hours than ever before in my life."
In a loving gesture, Toshiya ran his spreaded fingers through the other's hair. "Just try to forget about it. And if you feel bad, you can always talk to me and tell me what bugs you." He was afraid that this incident would have an after effect on his friend of which he wasn't aware yet. He didn't want it to haunt Die in his dreams.
"I'll try to get over it." The redhead nodded, almost frantically. "It shouldn't be that big of a deal. It's not like I wouldn't have known beforehand how it'd be."
That comment made his friend laugh cheerlessly and Toshiya shook his head. "Yeah, but it's still different."
"I know. And he wasn't exactly easy on me..." Subconsciously Die leaned a bit closer to the other, searching for comfort. Their conversation had at least somehow calmed him down, because he had been able to talk to someone about the things that worried him.
"I'm sorry Die." Automatically, Toshiya wrapped his arms around the other man and pulled him against his chest. "Kaoru'd better appreciate this or I will ..." But he didn't finish the sentence, swallowing the comment.
"But he's not supposed to know." Die's eyes widened instantly, and he searched for the other's gaze, shaking his head a bit. "Don't say anything, please."
"Gods, you do all this without knowing what he thinks? Die, how often shall I tell you that you're stupid? What if Kaoru doesn't want your help? Did he even signal that he likes you too?" Toshiya sounded as desperate as his friend, but for different reasons. After a few seconds, he nodded defeated. "Okay, I won't say anything. I promise."
A relieved sigh escaped the redhead instantly. "Thank you." He staid silent for a moment, but it felt somehow that he owed the other even some kind of explanation. "I just don't think it's necessary for him to know it. I've made up my mind anyways..."
"You're one stubborn son of a bitch." His friend whispered almost lovingly. Toshiya knew, once Die had taken a decision, there was no way to make him step back. "But you will have to tell him what you feel once," he added seriously after a moment. "Otherwise you'll never know what he feels for you."
"I will. As soon as I manage to collect enough courage." Die's voice held a soft, almost dreamy undertone when he spoke, and it was somehow very clear how serious he was about his feelings.
"You....!" Gushingly, Toshiya hugged him tight. "One turns his back on you for a second and you're head over heels for a guy." Chuckling a bit in the attempt to lift the tension, he added. "At least you're not half-hearted and went for full drama."
"I know." The other chuckled, his smile honest as he looked up. "Deep down inside I've always been a drama-queen."
"I always knew it." The black-haired man grinned.
They were staying like this for a long time, Toshiya silently holding his friend, comforting him, until Die finally drifted off to sleep. After carefully spreading the blanket over him, he went back to his room and sat down on his bed. He couldn't sleep instantly, but thougt a lot about the redhead and his miserable situation.
Die had been right when he had predicted he wouldn't be able to work the next day. He was aching all over as he woke up in the morning, and spent the whole day in bed. Toshiya brought him something to eat, and in the evening all four of them sat in Die's room for a while, just chatting and relaxing.
Neither of them talked about the incident and tried to avoid the topic carefully. It wasn't easy though and demanded a lot creativity, because Die was wincing pained every now and then whenever he made a thoughtless movement.
Kyo told that their boss had made clear he wouldn't allow Die to stay in bed another day, although he would've needed it, and that he had to work early shift the next morning. "But don't worry. The others and I will do most of the work. You only have to take care of Kaoru's room."
"Thank you." Die was totally relieved that he wouldn't have to run around for the whole day, because moving still caused him serious troubles. He felt extremely lucky and grateful that he had such good friends who were helping him with everything. And he was determined to do his work as best as he could, hoping that Kaoru wouldn't find out what had happened.
"No need to thank me." Kyo waved aside laughing. "We just don't want to listen to your whining all day." They didn't talk that long anymore, because all of them had to get up very early. Everybody knew that the day would be tough for Die, but they were partly convinced that it was his own fault, although they were determined to make it as easy for him as possible. Die would've been the first to admit that it was his own fault, and he even felt a bit bad for causing the others extra work. He wouldn't survive alone though, and he knew it.
The next morning, when he went to Kaoru's room to help him get dressed, he dug out his best casual smile, trying to look as if everything was completely normal.
But when he was about to reach out his hands to tie the other's elaborate leather shirt, Kaoru took a step backwards, away from him. He was disappointed that Die pretended as if nothing had happened, that he didn't tell him about his experiences of being a whore.
The past day had been hell for him, as he had almost died from worrying about the redhead, his imagination providing him with horrible scenes of a bruised, torn Die. But now, he was standing right in front of him, wearing that winning smile of his, and still didn't talk to him. "Where were you yesterday?" Kaoru asked, his voice demanding, almost cold.
Instantly, the redhead's smile faltered, and his heart began to pound nervously. "I wasn't feeling that good and staid in bed." It at least was the truth, if not all of it. He was hoping the other would believe that he had been just sick, and would blame everything else on it as well, like the obvious soreness.
"Ah, I see." Pretending that he was content with this explanation, Kaoru lifted his arms and allowed the redhead to tie the laces of the shirt. They remained silent until he spoke up again, mentioning almost casual. "I hope your fuck with Kakihara was good. He can be quite rough."
Die flinched noticeably, instinctively taking a step backwards which caused him to gasp as burning pain shot up from his lower back. He forced himself to calm down though, trying to look casual. "Nothing I couldn't live through." Inwardly, his mind was racing though; how on earth had Kaoru found out?
Kaoru's eyes didn't give away what he felt and he kept his voice low. "You should've told me beforehand that you're thinking about getting into business. I could've given you a few good tips."
He had thought this conversation through over and over again, had imagined himself yelling at Die, telling him how stupid he had acted, but now he was incapable to show how hurt he actually was. He simply was too afraid that everything, he had thought was between them, had been nothing but a big cloud of smoke; and to keep himself from going insane, he put up the mask he had learned to wear throughout the years of being a prostitute.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not going to repeat that very soon." Die's voice was shaking slightly, although he tried all he could to keep calm, to act as if he was fine with everything. But the thought of what he'd gone through just the day before yesterday still made him tremble, and the coldness in Kaoru's voice made him almost panic already.
Kaoru turned around to face the window and to hide the tears which were welling in his eyes. Only after a second though, he turned around again, his expression perfectly blank. "And I thought you discovered your likes for easy money. What made you change your mind then?"
"You know, when I see someone important to me suffer, I have to do something." Die spoke honestly, not giving it another thought before the words were flowing out of his mouth. He didn't know if he was angry or frustrated, sad or just desperate. "I'm sorry if you disapprove. But after all, it's my ass we're talking about here, and if I want to sell it I damn well can."
The words hit where it hurt, but Kaoru didn't show it, remained completely motionless. He still had to swallow though before he could speak again. "It is your ass, no question about that. But make sure the one you're thinking you do this for wants your help too."
He wouldn't allow Die to sell himself out for him, didn't even want him to know that he had fallen in love with him, because he knew that this was reality and in this world, they didn't have a chance to be together. There was no happy end for them.
"What?" Die looked like he didn't believe a word he heard, momentarily dropping the strong facade he had been trying so much to hold up. "What's that supposed to mean?" The coldness in Kaoru's voice, the emptiness in those eyes hurt him more that he could've ever imagined. And for the first time, he wasn't sure if he had taken the right decision after all.
"That means," the other breathed out, "that I don't want your alms. I'm quite content with where I am and I ask you to stop messing with my business." Inwardly, his heart broke and he was sure one could hear it if one only listened closely. But he wanted Die to keep away from this business, didn't want him to get into troubles. Kaoru knew how dangerous the boss could be if one messed with his belongings. And, facing the truth, Kaoru was his property.
Die hadn't known that words could cause physical pain, but there he was and noticed that he was literally hurting because of what the other had said. "You don't mean that..." His voice was tiny though, and it was clear that he wasn't sure; he wasn't sure of anything anymore.
"You didn't think you can just waltz into my life and turn everything upside down, did you? I'm very well capable to look after myself, so thanks for the concern." Kaoru knew he couldn't bear the utterly hurt expression on the other's face for long, Die's sad gaze piercing right through his soul. "And now finish your work and then let me do my job."
Tears were burning in Die's eyes as he just grabbed the shirt to lace it properly, almost angrily. His hands were trembling violently, and as soon as he was done he wordlessly turned around, not able to say anything without breaking down completely.
At the same moment the door had closed behind him, tears began to run down the purple-haired man's cheeks. "I'm sorry, but I can't let you do this for me," he whispered, unable to move away from the spot where he was standing.
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And the other thing, YES I'M SURE. DD:
(of the happy ending) FONuLYN PROMISED YOU'D POST IT SUUUNN
And I can't draw if I don't feel like it :D In fact, I can't draw at all if not from a reference picture...
But I'm glad you liked my exquisite work of art anyway XD
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And I'm sorry, it's been me who has caused the delay, 'cause I still wanted to add two things to the last chap. They are only minor, but I needed them there for my salvation x)
Now it's ready to be posted and I think fonulyn's already working on it.
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What things? O_o Does that mean I need to read it again still?
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