rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 02:24 am
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 02:24 am
Entry tags:
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Title: Uncertainty
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fonulyn
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kaoru and Die
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do not get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: I wrote this in the middle of the night when I was supposed to be studying for my chemistry exam. It's short, like everything I make as I simply am not able to write long things alone XD
Uncertainty
“Heyah, guys.” Shinya greeted in his quiet manner as he walked through the door of the rehearsal studio. He had a small girl in his arms, lying fast asleep against his shoulder. “I hope you don’t mind I brought her along. It’s just that I couldn’t get anyone to look after her today and since we only had this meeting…” Kaoru smiled and shook his head. “You can bring her over anytime, Shin. Just take her to the office room so we won’t disturb her.” The slender drummer smiled thankful and hurried to the office beside the studio. Shinya had gotten married whole three years ago and his little daughter was a bit under two years old. The girl was happy and smiled a lot, and soon had all the members of the band circled around her little finger. Even Kyo would spend hours with the little one and play silly games.
When Shinya came back and got seated the meeting could begin. Kaoru was immediately in charge, going through all the matters that needed to be discussed. The time flew, and soon they had everything under control. After some idle chitchat Kyo declared that he needed to get some sleep, because tomorrow he had a lot to do. Then he was off. Toshiya only stayed to beg Kaoru to borrow his car next Friday. What had happened to his own, Kaoru never got to know. Shinya’s little daughter had woken up and now she was sitting on her father’s lap and playing with his hair. Kaoru sat down beside those two.
“So, Shin, she’ll turn two years this August?” Shinya nodded and smiled at his daughter. The little girl looked Kaoru straight in the eye and smiled a bit shyly. Kaoru directed his words to her. “Did you know that you are just as pretty as your father? Even prettier.” The girl giggled and shifted a little on her father’s lap. She reached out and gave a wrinkled piece of paper to the bandleader. “This is for me?” Kaoru asked and after receiving a silent nod he smiled. “Well, thank you.” It was a drawing, Kaoru couldn’t figure out what it was supposed to be. Actually it looked like a pile colourful clouds or something. The guitarist shifted his gaze back at the girl. “It’s beautiful. I’ll treasure it.”
He received another small smile before Shinya raised his voice. “So, Kao, how are you and Die doing?” Kaoru smirked. “Things couldn’t be better. It’s like I grow a little closer to him every day, even though I didn’t think it would be possible anymore.” The guitarists had been living together for years now, and although Kaoru usually liked to keep things concerning his private life to himself he felt comfortable enough with the drummer so he could practically tell him honestly what he thought. “Well thank you for your kind words, babe.” Kaoru looked upwards only to find the grinning redhead standing in front of him. He couldn’t help but smile. “How long have you been standing there?” Die just shrugged. “Long enough. Care to go home?”
Die had been watching the events whole time. He smiled to himself as he noticed how fond the little girl was of Kaoru. But at the same time this nagging feeling was inside his skull. He couldn’t identify it wholly, but he did realize that he needed to talk with the other guitarist. The sooner the better. Somehow he couldn’t shake the depressing thoughts of Kaoru wanting to have his own children. It wasn’t like Die didn’t like children himself. Quite the contrary. But the thing was that he knew that if Kaoru really wanted to have a child of his own, he would do anything to get one. And if that happened, Die knew that there wasn’t much he could do to help it then.
The ride home was silent, both men busy with their thoughts. Kaoru was troubled only with trying to decide what he wanted to eat once home. He was starving and tried to recall what they had in their fridge back home. Die’s thoughts ran around in circles. He had this unpleasant feeling in his stomach which told him he was scared out of his mind. Only thing he was sure of at that moment was that he loved his bandleader so much that he’d do anything to make him happy. Since they lived quite near the studio it didn’t take long before they stepped inside of the apartment they shared.
Kaoru threw his coat aiming for the nearby couch. He missed by a couple of inches and cursing heavily he went to pick up the annoying piece of garment. After putting it properly to the hanger he started to head off to the kitchen. “I’m starving. You want anything, hunny?” Kaoru stopped when he felt the other grab his arm. He turned around puzzled. Die looked unsure of himself at that moment and Kaoru began to worry and instinctively stepped in closer in order to embrace his beloved. He let out a quiet surprised sound when the taller man pulled back slipping too far away for said embrace. Die rubbed the floor with his sock and looked utterly nervous.
”Look, Kao, I’m sorry. But I need to say this so please listen.” Die sighed heavily avoiding the questioning gaze his lover had directed at him. “I know that you love kids, shit, that’s common knowledge so I could say everyone knows that you love kids. Hell, I think that you could have become, no, still could become a perfect father. But yes, I’m male, in case you haven’t noticed, and I can’t give you children as much as I’d want to. I know you damn well, so I know that you’re not completely gay. I mean that I understand if you have some kind of fatherly side you need to express. So what I’m trying to say is go find yourself a nice woman to love and grow a family if that’s what makes you feel your life’s worth living. I won’t hold you back…” at this point the redhead’s babbling was cut off because he couldn’t bite back the soft sobs anymore.
Kaoru moved in closer to Die and sat on the couch pulling the taller man along to sit on his lap. Die tried to control himself, to be strong, still he couldn’t help but bury his face into the crook of the older one’s neck. Kaoru stroke Die’s back soothingly. “Shhh… Die, it’s okay. Now listen to what I have to say.” he whispered quietly. “I don’t think that it matters if I’m gay or not, because I’m not intending to go looking for anyone, male or female. I do love children, but…” he raised his hand to wipe away a big tear from the other man’s cheek. “…I love you more than life itself, as mushy as it sounds.” He kissed his lover’s forehead affectionately. “I don’t know where in hell did you get that one, but as sure as I’m now sitting here I’m not going to let you go. Never. I need you to complete my life.”
“But doesn’t it make you sad to know there won’t be any ‘little Kaorus’?” Die’s voice was muffled and there was still a hint of pain laced in it. Kaoru gently grabbed the redhead’s head and tilted it so they could stare each other in the eye. “Die. Listen carefully so the words will sink into your brain.” Die’s eyes were wide and tears still glimmered in the corners of his eyes. He somehow managed to nod. Kaoru made sure the other was listening before he continued: “I. Love. You. I never want to leave you. Nothing you do or won’t do or can’t do will change that, unless it’s that you don’t want to be with me anymore.”
Die smiled through his tears and reached up to kiss the older man gently. They melted together with ease and there was so much of love and devotion poured into that kiss that it was almost too much. After a long time they parted and staid securely tangled together in each other’s arms. Finally Die broke the silence whispering: “I’m sorry, Kao.” The slightly shorter man just smiled and ran his index finger along the side of the younger guitarist’s face. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, sweets. Just try to realize that you’re nothing short of perfect for me.” To Kaoru the smile he received from the redhead in return was the most beautiful and heart-warming thing he’d ever seen.
Author:
fonulynRating: PG
Pairing: Kaoru and Die
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do not get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: I wrote this in the middle of the night when I was supposed to be studying for my chemistry exam. It's short, like everything I make as I simply am not able to write long things alone XD
“Heyah, guys.” Shinya greeted in his quiet manner as he walked through the door of the rehearsal studio. He had a small girl in his arms, lying fast asleep against his shoulder. “I hope you don’t mind I brought her along. It’s just that I couldn’t get anyone to look after her today and since we only had this meeting…” Kaoru smiled and shook his head. “You can bring her over anytime, Shin. Just take her to the office room so we won’t disturb her.” The slender drummer smiled thankful and hurried to the office beside the studio. Shinya had gotten married whole three years ago and his little daughter was a bit under two years old. The girl was happy and smiled a lot, and soon had all the members of the band circled around her little finger. Even Kyo would spend hours with the little one and play silly games.
When Shinya came back and got seated the meeting could begin. Kaoru was immediately in charge, going through all the matters that needed to be discussed. The time flew, and soon they had everything under control. After some idle chitchat Kyo declared that he needed to get some sleep, because tomorrow he had a lot to do. Then he was off. Toshiya only stayed to beg Kaoru to borrow his car next Friday. What had happened to his own, Kaoru never got to know. Shinya’s little daughter had woken up and now she was sitting on her father’s lap and playing with his hair. Kaoru sat down beside those two.
“So, Shin, she’ll turn two years this August?” Shinya nodded and smiled at his daughter. The little girl looked Kaoru straight in the eye and smiled a bit shyly. Kaoru directed his words to her. “Did you know that you are just as pretty as your father? Even prettier.” The girl giggled and shifted a little on her father’s lap. She reached out and gave a wrinkled piece of paper to the bandleader. “This is for me?” Kaoru asked and after receiving a silent nod he smiled. “Well, thank you.” It was a drawing, Kaoru couldn’t figure out what it was supposed to be. Actually it looked like a pile colourful clouds or something. The guitarist shifted his gaze back at the girl. “It’s beautiful. I’ll treasure it.”
He received another small smile before Shinya raised his voice. “So, Kao, how are you and Die doing?” Kaoru smirked. “Things couldn’t be better. It’s like I grow a little closer to him every day, even though I didn’t think it would be possible anymore.” The guitarists had been living together for years now, and although Kaoru usually liked to keep things concerning his private life to himself he felt comfortable enough with the drummer so he could practically tell him honestly what he thought. “Well thank you for your kind words, babe.” Kaoru looked upwards only to find the grinning redhead standing in front of him. He couldn’t help but smile. “How long have you been standing there?” Die just shrugged. “Long enough. Care to go home?”
Die had been watching the events whole time. He smiled to himself as he noticed how fond the little girl was of Kaoru. But at the same time this nagging feeling was inside his skull. He couldn’t identify it wholly, but he did realize that he needed to talk with the other guitarist. The sooner the better. Somehow he couldn’t shake the depressing thoughts of Kaoru wanting to have his own children. It wasn’t like Die didn’t like children himself. Quite the contrary. But the thing was that he knew that if Kaoru really wanted to have a child of his own, he would do anything to get one. And if that happened, Die knew that there wasn’t much he could do to help it then.
The ride home was silent, both men busy with their thoughts. Kaoru was troubled only with trying to decide what he wanted to eat once home. He was starving and tried to recall what they had in their fridge back home. Die’s thoughts ran around in circles. He had this unpleasant feeling in his stomach which told him he was scared out of his mind. Only thing he was sure of at that moment was that he loved his bandleader so much that he’d do anything to make him happy. Since they lived quite near the studio it didn’t take long before they stepped inside of the apartment they shared.
Kaoru threw his coat aiming for the nearby couch. He missed by a couple of inches and cursing heavily he went to pick up the annoying piece of garment. After putting it properly to the hanger he started to head off to the kitchen. “I’m starving. You want anything, hunny?” Kaoru stopped when he felt the other grab his arm. He turned around puzzled. Die looked unsure of himself at that moment and Kaoru began to worry and instinctively stepped in closer in order to embrace his beloved. He let out a quiet surprised sound when the taller man pulled back slipping too far away for said embrace. Die rubbed the floor with his sock and looked utterly nervous.
”Look, Kao, I’m sorry. But I need to say this so please listen.” Die sighed heavily avoiding the questioning gaze his lover had directed at him. “I know that you love kids, shit, that’s common knowledge so I could say everyone knows that you love kids. Hell, I think that you could have become, no, still could become a perfect father. But yes, I’m male, in case you haven’t noticed, and I can’t give you children as much as I’d want to. I know you damn well, so I know that you’re not completely gay. I mean that I understand if you have some kind of fatherly side you need to express. So what I’m trying to say is go find yourself a nice woman to love and grow a family if that’s what makes you feel your life’s worth living. I won’t hold you back…” at this point the redhead’s babbling was cut off because he couldn’t bite back the soft sobs anymore.
Kaoru moved in closer to Die and sat on the couch pulling the taller man along to sit on his lap. Die tried to control himself, to be strong, still he couldn’t help but bury his face into the crook of the older one’s neck. Kaoru stroke Die’s back soothingly. “Shhh… Die, it’s okay. Now listen to what I have to say.” he whispered quietly. “I don’t think that it matters if I’m gay or not, because I’m not intending to go looking for anyone, male or female. I do love children, but…” he raised his hand to wipe away a big tear from the other man’s cheek. “…I love you more than life itself, as mushy as it sounds.” He kissed his lover’s forehead affectionately. “I don’t know where in hell did you get that one, but as sure as I’m now sitting here I’m not going to let you go. Never. I need you to complete my life.”
“But doesn’t it make you sad to know there won’t be any ‘little Kaorus’?” Die’s voice was muffled and there was still a hint of pain laced in it. Kaoru gently grabbed the redhead’s head and tilted it so they could stare each other in the eye. “Die. Listen carefully so the words will sink into your brain.” Die’s eyes were wide and tears still glimmered in the corners of his eyes. He somehow managed to nod. Kaoru made sure the other was listening before he continued: “I. Love. You. I never want to leave you. Nothing you do or won’t do or can’t do will change that, unless it’s that you don’t want to be with me anymore.”
Die smiled through his tears and reached up to kiss the older man gently. They melted together with ease and there was so much of love and devotion poured into that kiss that it was almost too much. After a long time they parted and staid securely tangled together in each other’s arms. Finally Die broke the silence whispering: “I’m sorry, Kao.” The slightly shorter man just smiled and ran his index finger along the side of the younger guitarist’s face. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, sweets. Just try to realize that you’re nothing short of perfect for me.” To Kaoru the smile he received from the redhead in return was the most beautiful and heart-warming thing he’d ever seen.
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I really liked this XDD
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*flails*
8D
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