rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 11:39 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 11:39 pm
(no subject)
Title: Against All Odds; Chapter 6
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seinen_no and fonulyn
Rating: PG13 [for this chap]
Pairing: Die and Kaoru [plus a bit of DiexOFC]
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Comments:
seinen_no: Oh guys, I can't say anything without spilling the beans about something of the content. So I keep my mouth shut and just grin a bit since I know what you don't … lalal^^ So, have fun as usual and keep up the commenting!
fonulyn: Well well, a hell lot happens in this chapter, and I better just leave you with it now XD Things are developing, it just needs a tiny bit patience^^
Previously happened: Against All Odds, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5
Against All Odds
Chapter 6
As the next morning came, Die still hadn’t gotten rid of the confusing mass of emotions and thoughts inside of him, and just slipped to the bathroom, not even sparing a glance at the other. He just couldn't face him right now, being too confused. Kaoru was still awake when the younger got up and he noticed that something had changed. It caused a bad feeling inside his stomach, but he pushed it away and instead got dressed as well. It was as if they were avoiding each other, both needing time to sort the confusing mixture of emotions and thoughts in their minds. For the first time, Kaoru was glad that he had a longer day than his step-brother, for he could use this as an excuse not to go home together with him.
No matter what he tried, Die's thoughts were occupied by the happenings of the previous night all day, and he couldn't get a moment's peace from it. Almost all the emotions were somehow connected with fear though. He was afraid about the feelings he had developed for Kaoru, afraid that they had go too far too fast, afraid of how other people would react once they found out that something developed between them. And when he had gone through it in his mind for several times, he was convinced that the only thing he could do was to forget about it, get some distance between himself and Kaoru and just try to live his life like normal teenaged boys did.
The tension between them was almost palpable whenever they were in the same room. Kaoru thought that Die only needed time to think and he was willing to grant him that, hoping he would decide for him in the end. It pained him to see how they had grown apart in such a short amount of time, but there was nothing he could do about it. Whenever he attempted to talk to the other, Die came up with pretence to avoid him, saying he had promised to help his mom or that he needed to make an important phonecall.
Although Kaoru knew those were false reasons, he never said anything. It was hard to just wait for some kind of absolution while his heart was slowly breaking. It was bitter. The first person he really had fallen in love with was his own brother, if only step-brother, and he didn't seem to care for him as much as he did. If he hadn't been so trapped in his own emotions, he would've laughed about the situation's irony.
Determinedly Die set out on his plan to just forget Kaoru and push the feelings he had developed aside and ignore them. He just wasn't ready to face the whole society just because of one person, no matter how important that person was. One part of his plan in forgetting the other was to replace him somehow. And that was when Nozomi came into the picture. She was in Die's class, and was head over heels for him. Die had even had a crush on her at one point, actually liked her, and thought that she might really be enough for him to forget about Kaoru.
She was one of the most popular, most beautiful girls at school and when Die signalled he'd be willing to date her, the rumor about them spread around campus instantly. Others called them the perfect match, but all that passed Kaoru by unnoticed. He still was the loner he had been before and avoided his schoolmates. But he kept an eye on the redhead from afar and when he saw him amongst his crew, a girl at his side, he frowned and risked a closer look.
Die had always been even annoyed by some of the other students at school who were just glued to each other all the time and making out during the breaks. But as he felt someone's eyes on him and turned to see Kaoru, he wrapped one arm around Nozomi's waist. Locking his eyes with Kaoru's, he leaned in to give her a kiss, somehow wanting to show that he was over whatever might've been between them. Although in reality he knew he wasn't over it, not even nearly.
Witnessing the redhead kiss this girl broke something inside Kaoru, yet he couldn't tear his eyes off him. It was like a punch in the face, as if Die wanted to show him that there had never been anything between them or that everything had just been a joke. Tears were stinging behind his eyelids, but he suppressed them as best as possible. He had been played by an inexperienced boy and now got the receipt. He could've dealt with it if the other had told him straight to the face that there was nothing between them or that, whatever there had been, was over. But being dumped like that hurt. Slowly, he turned around and walked away, not wanting to see anybody at that moment.
Seeing the expression on Kaoru's face made Die feel like the biggest asshole on the planet. He pushed the feeling aside though, and swallowed the few tears which were trying to break free. He was determined to pull this through, because in his eyes it was the only possibility right at that moment.
Although it was hard, Kaoru didn't say anything to Die, didn't even yell at him or wish him to hell like he usually would have. He simply fell silent and only talked when it was inevitable. Numbness had spread on his insides and he felt truly lonely for the first time of his life. There was nobody he could talk to; nobody to console and sooth him. Whenever Die's eyes met his, he quickly averted his gaze and practically fled the room as it brought tears to his eyes.
It was hard for Die too, and he practically used half of his time awake with swallowing tears and trying to just force himself to forget that there ever had been feelings between him and his step-brother. He hung out with Nozomi often, just trying to get used to being with her, although something was missing all the time. And when the girl asked him to go with her to one big party which was organized by school-mates, he agreed instantly as it would give him a reason to stay away from Kaoru for some more time.
Outwardly, Kaoru went on like before, studied, went to school and went back to his sarcastic, laconic self. He was glad whenever his brother wasn't there as it gave him some moments in which he could forget about him, forget the kisses that had made his knees go weak, and instead try to focus on something else. He was the one who opened the door at the night of the party, Nozomi greeting him with a friendly smile. "Hi, you must be Kaoru. Is Daisuke there? I'm here to pick him up."
Stunned, the pink-haired nodded and opened the door a bit further to let her in. He had to swallow to make his voice sound steady, but then answered. "He's in the bathroom. Will be down in a minute, I guess."
Almost instantly Die appeared on the stairs, smiling as he saw the girl. Inwardly he felt his heart shrinking again though, because he would've just wanted to throw himself at Kaoru and ignore his 'girlfriend'. "Hi," He smiled at Nozomi, and went to them, instinctively introducing them to each other. "This is Kaoru, as you probably guessed." He smiled at the girl, nodding towards his step-brother. But when he turned to the pink-haired boy, his heart stopped for a moment. He forced himself to go on though, but his voice sounded odd. "Kao, this is my girlfriend Nozomi."
The older cleared his throat and nodded, mechanically offering Nozomi a handshake. "Pleased to meet you." He felt like being trapped in a shitty movie, as if this wasn't really happening. "I need to study. Have fun tonight," he said monotonously and practically ran up the stairs, hiding in the bathroom. This had been too much, the words 'my girlfriend' echoing in his ears as the tears began to flow over his cheeks freely.
Nozomi smiled at the redhead and took his hand. "He's a freak. C'mon let's go. I don't want to be late." She obviously was just intending to shrug off the whole meeting with Kaoru, because the older boy had seemed to be a total weirdo.
"He's not." Die shook his head at the words, but then smiled at her, trying not to sound that harsh. "He just feels a bit uncomfortable around people he doesn't know." He squeezed the girl's hand a bit, intending on changing the topic and to forget about Kaoru. Although it hadn't been working this far either. "But let's go now."
They went to the house of a friend's friend where the party took place, loud music greeting them when they approached it. "This is going to be fun." Nozomi loved parties, loved to dance and furthermore, she had made up her mind that that night, she wouldn't allow the redhead to back off again, wanted to sleep with him finally. Holding his hand securely, she led the way through the crowd to the living-room once they had been let in. The room was almost empty of furniture now and some people were dancing in the middle. "I want to dance!" she decided, dragging the redhead with her.
"But I don't know how to." Die protested weakly, but allowed Nozomi to drag him along. Although he usually had liked parties somehow, he felt like he shouldn't be there, and that this was all so wrong somehow.
The air was muggy and the music loud. Nozomi obviously didn't care that her boyfriend really didn't know how to dance and began to move once they had found a free spot on the dancefloor. She wrapped her arms around his neck and grinded against him, smiling all the time. She had been waiting for this day, wanted all her friends to see that they were an item, the most popular guy at school and she.
The redhead forced himself to smile at the girl, and even wrapped his arms around her waist, but somehow still tried to keep a tiny bit distance between them subconsciously. As he noticed it he instantly got mad at himself inwardly and tried to relax, tried to just enjoy the moment.
They were dancing for some time, but then, Nozomi got dragged away by a couple of her friends. The girls were obviously curious to get to know about the stage of hers and Die's relationship and went to the bathroom to talk. A few guys of Die's crew came up to him, patting his shoulder and whistling commendatory, dropping comments about his hot girlfriend, offering him a drink and bugging him for information as well.
Die just tried to dodge all the questions, changed the topic whenever he could and just gave some vague answers. He hadn't really gone very far with Nozomi yet, although it wasn't that she would've tried to slow them down. Quite the contrary, she was all over Die whenever possible. But he was always the one who came up with excuses and broke the moment before they got very far.
After some time, Nozomi returned with her friends, but the girls left them as soon as they had reached Die. "Guys, I have to kidnap him for a moment." She smiled at his friends and took his hand. "Let's go somewhere more quiet."
"More quiet?" Die arched an eyebrow, but allowed the girl take him wherever she wanted to, just following behind obediently.
Determinedly, Nozomi led the way upstairs into one of the bedrooms. Smiling, she closed the door behind them, biting her lip in pretended shyness. "I just wanted to be alone with you." With swaying hips, she approached the redhead and pushed him backwards until the bed limited him. Unhesitantly, she pulled the collar of his shirt, crushing their mouths together as she kissed him hungrily.
Die answered to the kiss, even bringing his arms around the girl again. He couldn't help but to think that Kaoru's lips felt so much better against his own. Quickly, he discarded the thought and blamed it on the slippery lip-gloss the girl used.
After they parted, Nozomi smiled blissfully at him and quickly pecked his lips again before taking a step backwards. Slowly, she began to unbutton her blouse and sat down on the bed, crawling to the bed-head when the garment was completely open and showed her red bra. "Come here. I want you to make love to me tonight." She seemed determined and it was shown in her movements and her voice.
Almost unnoticeably the redhead bit his bottom lip, the words causing him more panic than to look forward to it. Still, he got onto the bed and crawled closer to her, leaning in to give her a kiss when he was close enough. 'You can do this' was what he told himself over and over again, determined to give the girl what she wanted and at the same time make sure he would forget about Kaoru too.
While they were kissing, Nozomi slid out of her blouse and reached behind her back to open the bra. She smiled a bit at the way he kissed her and about the uncertain way how he caressed her shoulders. "Is this your first time?" The question sounded amused and somehow disbelieving even.
"Yeah," Die confessed, although it still embarrassed him a bit. He tried to force the blush down though, as well as the feeling that he shouldn't be doing this.
"Sweet." She smiled honestly and in a quick movement tugged his shirt over his head. "Just relax. Put your hands here." She took a hold of his hands and guided them to her breasts, initiating another kiss.
The redhead's movements were clearly nervous, but he tried his best to cover it. At least he could concentrate on the kisses, one thing he knew how to do properly. Although Kaoru's kisses were so much sweeter, made his heart pound while these kisses only made him slightly breathless. His heart was pounding, yes, but due to nervousness and not due to some undefined feelings than when he had kissed the other boy.
Nozomi didn't seem to be nervous at all, only somehow anticipating what was lying before them. After a long moment, she put her hand on Die's chest and pushed him a bit further. Smiling, she opened her skirt and wriggled out of it, then beckoned him again with a crooked index finger.
He came closer obediently, even smiling at her a bit and giving her a kiss to somehow smother his nervousness. His determination was just getting less and less strong with each passing moment though, because he couldn't help but to feel the whole moment was just wrong.
-
Meanwhile, Kaoru was lying on his bed and just stared at the ceiling. The tears had subsided, but the pain in his heart was as strong as at the moment when he had seen Die kiss the girl, when he had introduced her as 'my girlfriend'. Although he had never wanted this to happen, had been determined to grant the other his luck with another person, he had to admit now that he had been hoping Die'd choose him. At least he had anticipated him to be honest and tell him when he had fallen in love with somebody else. Never had Kaoru had such a heartache and it became even worse when he was thinking about the party Die and Nozomi had gone to. He knew what happened at those parties and couldn't deny that he was jealous at the girl. She would be the one to take the redhead's virginity, would always be his first.
-
Nozomi parted her legs a bit to make it easier for the redhead to come closer and kissed him back eagerly. Her hands slid down his chest, fingertips brushing over his nipples, slowly roaming lower until she reached the cuff of his pants where she opened the button unhesitantly.
When the button popped open, and the girls hands went to the zipper, Die panicked. That was the moment when it really struck him what he was just about to do. And he knew he didn't want it. Not with her. Everything she did, he compared to Kaoru, every time they kissed he saw Kaoru although he tried not to. And he just couldn't go through this, not now and not with Nozomi.
Abruptly, he pulled away, shaking his head quickly. "I'm sorry," He breathed out, looking at the girl from wide eyes. "I can't."
She misinterpreted his reaction as shyness and smiled soothingly. "It's okay to be nervous. Just relax and let me guide you." Carefully, she reached for the zipper again and pulled it down. "Just don't think about it."
"No, you don't get it." He tried to back off, and managed to lose balance and dropped to sit on the other end of the bed. "I just can't. I won't."
Nozomi looked shocked and even blushed a bit. "You won't? What does that mean? Never?" In a swift movement, she sat up and got on her knees, glaring at the redhead.
"I'm so sorry." Die shook his head, swallowing several times. "I should've never led you on this far..."
Suddenly, she felt uneasy and folded her arms across her chest to cover her bareness. "You mean this is it? You don't love me? Do you love somebody else?" Her voice was high and she almost shrieked as she couldn't believe this was happening. Nobody had ever rejected her like that.
The redhead averted his gaze, but felt like he at least owed her to be honest. "Yeah..." He nodded a bit, still repeating the words 'I'm sorry' not knowing what else to do.
Tears were gathering in Nozomi's eyes and she kicked his leg. "Get out! Fucking go and beat it." She just didn't want him around anymore, felt too disgraced to gather a clear thought.
Obediently Die got up from the bed, quickly zipping his pants and grabbing his shirt to slip it on. He apologized silently one more time before fleeing the room. On his way out, he bumped into one of his friends, but just ignored him and made his way out of the whole house. He practically ran the whole way home, although it was quite far away.
Kaoru still lay on his bed, his arms folded behind his head. He hadn't moved an inch since he had gotten into that position, hadn't even attended dinner, and had told his parents that he wasn't feeling well. He had looked so utterly miserable that they had believed him without questioning and just left him alone.
The redhead was completely out of breath when he arrived home, and tried to sneak upstairs without his mom or Kaoru's dad noticing. He managed to the door, but then realized that Kaoru would probably be there, and he just couldn't face him right at that moment. So he locked himself into the bathroom, just burying his face into his palms and trying to get a grip of himself. He wanted to cry, but he couldn't. Somehow he just knew he had screwed things up as badly as possible, and he felt like shit.
Kaoru had heard him coming up the stairs and instinctively had taken a look at the clock. It was still early to come home from a Friday night's party, but he knew that Die wasn't up for dancing and such. So maybe he had gotten what he wanted and then came home already, trying to flee his so-called friends
When the redhead didn't return from the bathroom, Kaoru decided to look after him. He was still mad and moreover hurt, but if the price for being close to the other was to just be his friend, he could at least try to do that. Carefully, he knocked on the door, his voice only a whisper. "Die? Are you still in there? Something wrong?"
"Just, let me be." The redhead didn't want to talk right now. But still his voice sounded odd, since he somehow wanted to have the other near anyways. He just didn't know how to say it.
For a few seconds, the older hesitated, his hand on the handle. Again Die pushed him away without explaining anything to him and it caused the lump to come back to his throat. However, he swallowed his hurt and tried to make his voice sound as casual as possible. "Okay, just tell me when I can do something for you."
Die took a deep breath, collecting himself to say something. In the end all, he got out was only "I'm so sorry." But he meant it from the bottom of his heart.
Kaoru had already turned his back on the door, but froze in his movement when he heard the words echo muffled through the wood. First, he thought Die had spoken to himself, but simply had to ask. "What?"
"I'm sorry." The younger's voice was a bit more firm. "About everything."
At a moment's notice, Kaoru's heart was beating frantically again. Could that be? Was Die apologizing for ignoring and hurting him or was he only apologizing for not being honest. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to take anymore, he just nodded. "It's okay. You did what you had to." With having said that, he turned around and quickly went back to their room.
Somehow those words had a crushing effect on the redhead and he just hugged his legs closer, feeling like utter scum. He decided to go and talk to Kaoru though, after he had got a hold of himself. If he'd get a proper hold of himself.
There were so many emotions boiling up inside the older boy that it was causing tears to rise in his eyes again. To shut out all his surroundings, he tugged the blanket over his head and tried to calm down, tried to catch a clear thought and to get his feelings straight. There was no question, he still was in love with the redhead, but how did the other feel towards him? And even if Die felt something for him, would that be enough to forget how much he had hurt him? There was nothing more he could do than to wait and see how things turned out. And he truly wished Die would just come and hug him, tell him that he had done a mistake and that he loved him instead of Nozomi.
After a long time, Die had collected himself enough to try to talk to the other at least. Silently he went into their room, not even switching on the lights. He went to Kaoru's bed, carefully sitting down on the bed's edge at the other end and touched his leg. "Can we talk?" His voice was quiet, but oddly audible in the silent room.
It took a long moment until the other even stirred. Slowly, Kaoru turned around and peeked at the redhead through a gap between the blanket and the mattress. "I don't know." For some reason, he was strangely calm. Maybe because it couldn't get any worse for him. "Go ahead," he said finally and sat up.
"I really am sorry. I didn't mean to do this to you." The redhead looked straight at him, not knowing how to begin.
"You mean ignoring me? Not being honest with me and telling me that you fell in love with some girl? Forget it. I taught you how to kiss and nothing more. You had the right to act as you did." Kaoru tried to sound certain and cool, fighting against the want to just throw himself at the other and ask him to kiss him again.
"I didn't fall in love with her." Die averted his gaze, feeling a certain lump in his throat again. "And no, I had no right to do what I did. I can't even pretend that I did."
The first sentence caused a triumphant feeling inside the older boy and he couldn't prevent a small smile to tug the corners of his mouth. However, he became serious again at a moment's notice. "Die, what do you want to tell me? I can't deny that you hurt me. Deeply. Like nobody else before. What do you want to hear? That I forgive you? I already forgave you everything, but it's not up to me to give you an absolution. That, only you can do."
"I just want to explain to you. And I would make it all undone if I could, but it doesn't work that way..." Again the redhead was at the loss of words, not knowing what to say and how. "I don't have any other excuse than that I was scared. You just made me go through things I had never known before." He turned his eyes to meet the other's. "And I don't only mean the first kiss or so. I mean the feelings, emotions it evoked in me."
Swallowing hard, Kaoru had to avert his gaze. "It's me who should apologize to you. I should've never begun this or at least should've had the courage to end it before I fell for you." He bowed his head, not even realizing what he had just said.
Die's eyes widened a bit at the words, but he didn't dare to act on them or even ask about them, fearing he had heard wrong. "No, you didn't do anything wrong. And if I would've had the courage to admit to myself what I felt, feel, for you, we wouldn't have had to go through all this."
A single tear got caught in the older's eyelashes and fell down on his cheek when he looked up. "What is it then? What do you feel for me?" His heart threatened to burst his chest, pumping a mixture of hope and fear through his veins. All his young life, he had been looking for love, had been sleeping around, testing, trying things and people, but had never found it. And now, it sat right in front of him, in his reach and yet seemed to be so far away.
"I..." Die averted his gaze. He knew what he had to answer, knew what he felt. But still it was such a big thing to say it out loud. After a moment's silence he turned his eyes to meet the other's again, breaking the silence, his voice a mere whisper. "I love you."
Wordlessly, Kaoru sneaked his arms around his shoulders and hugged him tightly, pressing his face against his neck. "I was hoping you'd say that. I've been waiting for you to realize it, but almost lost hope and when you introduced Nozomi as your girlfriend, I thought I'd never have a change to get a place in your heart." The relief was clearly audible in his voice and he just babbled, speaking his mind without thinking about it. "I missed you so much; missed being close to you and missed your kisses." He laughed a bit dryly. "See, experience doesn't matter. You make me feel like a virgin and it feels so good."
Thankfully the redhead hugged the other in return, burying his face into his neck and inhaling his scent deep. "I'm still sorry. I was so stupid... and all the things I did..." He felt utterly relieved that Kaoru didn't push him away, at least that was more than he had expected after all this. "But after that one time when mom almost walked in on us, I kinda freaked out. I knew that I would have gone all the way with you if she hadn't barged in and I just... it made me just so nervous." He tried to explain at least part of the things that had been going through his mind.
"I suspected something like that." Kaoru spoke calmly, still holding him close to himself as he was too afraid to lose him again. "And I wanted to give you time to think about it. But then, you kissed her at the schoolyard and even looked straight at me as if to say that you found a substitute for me and didn't want me anymore, and you broke my heart." He looked up, gently putting his hand under Die's chin to make him look at him as well. "I hadn't been prepared for this. Had never thought I could feel this strongly for somebody. But if you decide to be with me, be sure about it. I couldn't possibly survive something like that again if you happen to have sudden doubts again."
"I am sure." Die nodded, biting his lower lip softly. "I've never been this sure about anything in my life." He really believed what he said, and just wanted to be near to the other, didn't want to lose him again.
"Thank you." Kaoru smiled honestly and couldn't resist to ghost his lips over Die's to feel their softness, his hot breath against his own. Ponderingly, he rolled his bottom lip between his teeth. "May I kiss you?" He just had to ask, somehow still not believing that Die had just confessed his love to him and that he was back in his arms again.
"I would love it." Die smiled honestly, relief washing over him as he finally believed this was happening. The other forgave him, and even wanted him back after all this.
"I really missed you." Kaoru had become serious, but his eyes were sparkling when he leaned in and connected their lips in a soft, gentle kiss. On their own accord, his eyes fluttered shut and he just focused on the feeling of the other's lips, on his taste and the warmth that radiated from his body. His heart was beating quickly, fluttering with joy when he tentatively moved in a bit to deepen the contact.
The redhead closed his eyes, concentrating on both the kiss and the feelings it woke in him. And there it was, the feeling that Kaoru's kisses always made spread through him, and what had been completely missing when he had kissed the girl. Everything just fell into place now, felt so right finally.
They kept the kiss slow and Kaoru tried to pour all his affection for the younger into it; tried to show him how much he loved him even without words. Still, he couldn't believe that Die had finally chosen him, had left Nozomi just to be with him. He knew what a big decision that was and that it would affect all his further life. Die was simply utterly relieved that he was still allowed to be there, to be held by the other like that and to be close to him. The past happenings were still bothering him, because he still felt guilty, but he just pushed those thoughts to the back of his skull.
Even after they parted, Kaoru kept him close, his arms wrapped safely around his waist. He had found his smile again and looked straight into the redhead's eyes, straight to the bottom of his soul as it seemed. "I love you." He hadn't said it, in fact had never told anybody those words with really meaning them.
The words caused a pleasant warmth to spread inside the younger one, and he just smiled, hugging Kaoru tighter. "Love you too." He was still a bit surprised about how seriously he really meant it.
"Die," Kaoru's tone was serious and he retreated a bit, "I really mean it. Nobody ever made me feel like you do." At a moment's notice, he was grinning again. "Though you're a spoiled, inexperienced, mama's boy."
"I'm not!" Grinning widely the redhead playfully hit the other's shoulder. "At least I'm not admitting anything."
"Remember what I said about hitting me?" Effortlessly, Kaoru caught Die's hand in his own and held it tight. "And on top of everything, you're selfish and overly self-confident too."
"Am not." Die shook his head, but his smile didn't vanish completely. "When it comes to those, you're way further than I am."
"Only outwardly." The older winked and then quickly shifted the other side so that he could pull him to sit almost on his lap. "I didn't even show you half of my true self-confidence," he whispered cockily close to the redhead's ear.
"You didn't?" The younger chuckled, leaning a bit closer to the other. "I wonder what I missed..."
"This, you will have to find out on your own." Kaoru said teasingly and ran his lips down the redhead's neck. "But you surely missed something good."
A small shiver ran through Die's spine. "Well, I guess I need to work on finding it out then."
There was this nagging fear in the back of the older's skull that told him they had to be careful because their parents were only a few meters away from them. But he couldn't resist and dove his hands into Die's shirt to feel his smooth skin against his fingertips again.
The younger tilted his head, pressing a small kiss on the other's lips. He knew it was careless to do anything as their parents were so close, but he couldn't bring himself to care at that moment.
For some time, Kaoru only concentrated on caressing Die's back, kissing him shortly every now and then. He simply didn't want to urge the other, didn't want to rush things and instead enjoyed every second of being with him to the fullest. Despite that, he kept his ears directed at the stairs, not sure if Die's mom would want to talk to her son and ask him about the party.
Contently Die wrapped his arms around the Kaoru's neck, just enjoying the moment to the fullest. He couldn't resist the temptation and stole a deeper kiss from him in between, marvelling the feelings it again awoke in him.
But just as the older had suspected, there were steps on the stairs that came towards their room. Quickly, he pushed Die off him, smiling. "I told her I don't feel good, so if you get rid of her now, she might not be coming back again," he whispered, already pulling the blanket over himself.
It was just in time, because the door opened and Die's mom stretched her head inside. She smiled when she spotted her son sitting at the edge of Kaoru's bed, assuming he was taking care of his older step-brother. "Everything okay here? I heard you talk and just am too curious about the party."
"Yeah, everything alright. As long as Kao gets some sleep." Die smiled at his mother, standing up from the bed. "And the party was cool too. Although I left early since many of my friends did too." He just made up something that would be believable enough.
"Do you want to come downstairs for a moment and maybe eat something or do you want to stay here?" The pregnant woman went to Kaoru's bed and softly brushed over his cheek. "Is there something you need? You look a bit feverish."
Inwardly, the pink-haired was laughing, because the colour on his face originated from the kisses he had shared with his step-brother. "No." He shook his head, blinking tiredly. "I just have a major headache and want to sleep long. Thank you."
"I could use a quick snack." The redhead was indeed a bit hungry, and thought it'd be best to just get his mom out of there and exchange a few words with her in the kitchen while making a sandwich.
"Will you bring me something to drink when you come back?" Kaoru asked. He knew it was a good idea that the other went downstairs with his mother, but couldn't deny that he would have wanted him to stay; now that they finally got together and everything was clear between them. The woman smiled and gently put her hand on Die's shoulder. "Then come. I will make you a nice sandwich while you tell me about that girl you've been going out with."
"I'll get you something." Die gave Kaoru a bright smile, before following his mother out of the door. He would've just wanted to stay with him, but thought that now that things were finally clear they would have the possibility to spend enough time together later on too. Now it would be good to distract his mother and take her further away before she could notice anything.
Die's mother seemed to be in a really good mood and was determined to spend some time with her son, to learn about Nozomi and their relationship as she was curious like a cat. "So, this girl was cute. Is she your girlfriend?" She had been waiting for her son to bring a girl home once, because he seemed to be a late bloomer in her opinion.
"Well, she was..." The redhead answered honestly, sitting on a chair beside the table in the kitchen while his mother turned to make the sandwich. "But we kinda broke up."
"Oh." The woman turned around and then smiled encouragingly. "What was wrong? Wasn't she your type?" She patted his shoulder again. "Don't worry, other mothers have beautiful daughters as well."
"I'm sure they have." Die nodded, trying to look as innocent as possible. "Nozomi is nice, but well, it wasn't much more than friendship to begin with."
"I see." She was done with the sandwich and sat down at the table opposite to him. "Then it was good to stop it and focus on something else." She sighed and put her hands on her belly. "I can't wait for the birth. This little brat kicks me all the time."
The redhead tried to cover that it still bothered him how he felt like being replaced by the still unborn child. "Is it much different from when you were expecting me?" He thought that actually talking about it with his mom might make him accept it better.
"It is." She nodded smiling. "I was 16 years younger when I expected you and it was all new to me. Somehow it's relieving to know what awaits you, but it's also harder on the body." She was glad that her son seemed to be interested in this. "Once the child is there, I will have to rely on you to be the big brother and help me a bit. On you and Kaoru."
"We'll do our best." Die promised honestly. Although it annoyed both of them how the child was already the centre of attention, but helping as well as they could they could would also make his mom happy and therefore make life easier for everyone. "It's not long anymore, is it?" He was relieved for probably the first time that his mom liked to talk about the new baby so much, since now he could guide the discussion there so that he wouldn't have to sort his personal business with his mom.
"No, three weeks, maybe four the doc said." She was still smiling and stood up from the chair. "Dear, I will have to sit on the couch. My back's killing me. Do you want to join me or go back upstairs?"
"I guess I'd best go up to get Kao that drink before he falls asleep." Die smiled, standing up and taking a glass from the cupboard, deciding that the other could as well drink water.
"Okay. Tomorrow, I will have an appointment with the doc again and your dad and I will go and check the hospital. So we won't be there when you wake up. I will leave you something to eat, because I don't know how long it takes till we're back." She chuckled loudly. "I'm feeling like a fat whale."
"Don't worry. It'll pass." The redhead chuckled, turning to smile at his mother. "We'll survive, just take your time with it."
"Come here and give your old mom a good night kiss." She opened her arms, waiting for him to hug her.
Die set the glass on the edge of the table and hugged his mom tight, but careful that he wouldn't crush her belly. He was a bit paranoid and felt that his mom might just burst since she was so big. "Good night." He pecked her cheek briefly.
"Thanks Die. I know that I had a lot less time for you lately and I promise that after the child is born, we'll do something together once a week. Just the two of us." She winked and then slowly turned around, walking towards the door.
"That'd be nice." The redhead forced himself to smile although he knew it would probably never happen. Quickly he took the glass of water and headed upstairs, not wanting to risk that his mother would come up with more questions suddenly.
Author:
seinen_no and fonulynRating: PG13 [for this chap]
Pairing: Die and Kaoru [plus a bit of DiexOFC]
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Comments:
seinen_no: Oh guys, I can't say anything without spilling the beans about something of the content. So I keep my mouth shut and just grin a bit since I know what you don't … lalal^^ So, have fun as usual and keep up the commenting!fonulyn: Well well, a hell lot happens in this chapter, and I better just leave you with it now XD Things are developing, it just needs a tiny bit patience^^ Previously happened: Against All Odds, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5
Chapter 6
As the next morning came, Die still hadn’t gotten rid of the confusing mass of emotions and thoughts inside of him, and just slipped to the bathroom, not even sparing a glance at the other. He just couldn't face him right now, being too confused. Kaoru was still awake when the younger got up and he noticed that something had changed. It caused a bad feeling inside his stomach, but he pushed it away and instead got dressed as well. It was as if they were avoiding each other, both needing time to sort the confusing mixture of emotions and thoughts in their minds. For the first time, Kaoru was glad that he had a longer day than his step-brother, for he could use this as an excuse not to go home together with him.
No matter what he tried, Die's thoughts were occupied by the happenings of the previous night all day, and he couldn't get a moment's peace from it. Almost all the emotions were somehow connected with fear though. He was afraid about the feelings he had developed for Kaoru, afraid that they had go too far too fast, afraid of how other people would react once they found out that something developed between them. And when he had gone through it in his mind for several times, he was convinced that the only thing he could do was to forget about it, get some distance between himself and Kaoru and just try to live his life like normal teenaged boys did.
The tension between them was almost palpable whenever they were in the same room. Kaoru thought that Die only needed time to think and he was willing to grant him that, hoping he would decide for him in the end. It pained him to see how they had grown apart in such a short amount of time, but there was nothing he could do about it. Whenever he attempted to talk to the other, Die came up with pretence to avoid him, saying he had promised to help his mom or that he needed to make an important phonecall.
Although Kaoru knew those were false reasons, he never said anything. It was hard to just wait for some kind of absolution while his heart was slowly breaking. It was bitter. The first person he really had fallen in love with was his own brother, if only step-brother, and he didn't seem to care for him as much as he did. If he hadn't been so trapped in his own emotions, he would've laughed about the situation's irony.
Determinedly Die set out on his plan to just forget Kaoru and push the feelings he had developed aside and ignore them. He just wasn't ready to face the whole society just because of one person, no matter how important that person was. One part of his plan in forgetting the other was to replace him somehow. And that was when Nozomi came into the picture. She was in Die's class, and was head over heels for him. Die had even had a crush on her at one point, actually liked her, and thought that she might really be enough for him to forget about Kaoru.
She was one of the most popular, most beautiful girls at school and when Die signalled he'd be willing to date her, the rumor about them spread around campus instantly. Others called them the perfect match, but all that passed Kaoru by unnoticed. He still was the loner he had been before and avoided his schoolmates. But he kept an eye on the redhead from afar and when he saw him amongst his crew, a girl at his side, he frowned and risked a closer look.
Die had always been even annoyed by some of the other students at school who were just glued to each other all the time and making out during the breaks. But as he felt someone's eyes on him and turned to see Kaoru, he wrapped one arm around Nozomi's waist. Locking his eyes with Kaoru's, he leaned in to give her a kiss, somehow wanting to show that he was over whatever might've been between them. Although in reality he knew he wasn't over it, not even nearly.
Witnessing the redhead kiss this girl broke something inside Kaoru, yet he couldn't tear his eyes off him. It was like a punch in the face, as if Die wanted to show him that there had never been anything between them or that everything had just been a joke. Tears were stinging behind his eyelids, but he suppressed them as best as possible. He had been played by an inexperienced boy and now got the receipt. He could've dealt with it if the other had told him straight to the face that there was nothing between them or that, whatever there had been, was over. But being dumped like that hurt. Slowly, he turned around and walked away, not wanting to see anybody at that moment.
Seeing the expression on Kaoru's face made Die feel like the biggest asshole on the planet. He pushed the feeling aside though, and swallowed the few tears which were trying to break free. He was determined to pull this through, because in his eyes it was the only possibility right at that moment.
Although it was hard, Kaoru didn't say anything to Die, didn't even yell at him or wish him to hell like he usually would have. He simply fell silent and only talked when it was inevitable. Numbness had spread on his insides and he felt truly lonely for the first time of his life. There was nobody he could talk to; nobody to console and sooth him. Whenever Die's eyes met his, he quickly averted his gaze and practically fled the room as it brought tears to his eyes.
It was hard for Die too, and he practically used half of his time awake with swallowing tears and trying to just force himself to forget that there ever had been feelings between him and his step-brother. He hung out with Nozomi often, just trying to get used to being with her, although something was missing all the time. And when the girl asked him to go with her to one big party which was organized by school-mates, he agreed instantly as it would give him a reason to stay away from Kaoru for some more time.
Outwardly, Kaoru went on like before, studied, went to school and went back to his sarcastic, laconic self. He was glad whenever his brother wasn't there as it gave him some moments in which he could forget about him, forget the kisses that had made his knees go weak, and instead try to focus on something else. He was the one who opened the door at the night of the party, Nozomi greeting him with a friendly smile. "Hi, you must be Kaoru. Is Daisuke there? I'm here to pick him up."
Stunned, the pink-haired nodded and opened the door a bit further to let her in. He had to swallow to make his voice sound steady, but then answered. "He's in the bathroom. Will be down in a minute, I guess."
Almost instantly Die appeared on the stairs, smiling as he saw the girl. Inwardly he felt his heart shrinking again though, because he would've just wanted to throw himself at Kaoru and ignore his 'girlfriend'. "Hi," He smiled at Nozomi, and went to them, instinctively introducing them to each other. "This is Kaoru, as you probably guessed." He smiled at the girl, nodding towards his step-brother. But when he turned to the pink-haired boy, his heart stopped for a moment. He forced himself to go on though, but his voice sounded odd. "Kao, this is my girlfriend Nozomi."
The older cleared his throat and nodded, mechanically offering Nozomi a handshake. "Pleased to meet you." He felt like being trapped in a shitty movie, as if this wasn't really happening. "I need to study. Have fun tonight," he said monotonously and practically ran up the stairs, hiding in the bathroom. This had been too much, the words 'my girlfriend' echoing in his ears as the tears began to flow over his cheeks freely.
Nozomi smiled at the redhead and took his hand. "He's a freak. C'mon let's go. I don't want to be late." She obviously was just intending to shrug off the whole meeting with Kaoru, because the older boy had seemed to be a total weirdo.
"He's not." Die shook his head at the words, but then smiled at her, trying not to sound that harsh. "He just feels a bit uncomfortable around people he doesn't know." He squeezed the girl's hand a bit, intending on changing the topic and to forget about Kaoru. Although it hadn't been working this far either. "But let's go now."
They went to the house of a friend's friend where the party took place, loud music greeting them when they approached it. "This is going to be fun." Nozomi loved parties, loved to dance and furthermore, she had made up her mind that that night, she wouldn't allow the redhead to back off again, wanted to sleep with him finally. Holding his hand securely, she led the way through the crowd to the living-room once they had been let in. The room was almost empty of furniture now and some people were dancing in the middle. "I want to dance!" she decided, dragging the redhead with her.
"But I don't know how to." Die protested weakly, but allowed Nozomi to drag him along. Although he usually had liked parties somehow, he felt like he shouldn't be there, and that this was all so wrong somehow.
The air was muggy and the music loud. Nozomi obviously didn't care that her boyfriend really didn't know how to dance and began to move once they had found a free spot on the dancefloor. She wrapped her arms around his neck and grinded against him, smiling all the time. She had been waiting for this day, wanted all her friends to see that they were an item, the most popular guy at school and she.
The redhead forced himself to smile at the girl, and even wrapped his arms around her waist, but somehow still tried to keep a tiny bit distance between them subconsciously. As he noticed it he instantly got mad at himself inwardly and tried to relax, tried to just enjoy the moment.
They were dancing for some time, but then, Nozomi got dragged away by a couple of her friends. The girls were obviously curious to get to know about the stage of hers and Die's relationship and went to the bathroom to talk. A few guys of Die's crew came up to him, patting his shoulder and whistling commendatory, dropping comments about his hot girlfriend, offering him a drink and bugging him for information as well.
Die just tried to dodge all the questions, changed the topic whenever he could and just gave some vague answers. He hadn't really gone very far with Nozomi yet, although it wasn't that she would've tried to slow them down. Quite the contrary, she was all over Die whenever possible. But he was always the one who came up with excuses and broke the moment before they got very far.
After some time, Nozomi returned with her friends, but the girls left them as soon as they had reached Die. "Guys, I have to kidnap him for a moment." She smiled at his friends and took his hand. "Let's go somewhere more quiet."
"More quiet?" Die arched an eyebrow, but allowed the girl take him wherever she wanted to, just following behind obediently.
Determinedly, Nozomi led the way upstairs into one of the bedrooms. Smiling, she closed the door behind them, biting her lip in pretended shyness. "I just wanted to be alone with you." With swaying hips, she approached the redhead and pushed him backwards until the bed limited him. Unhesitantly, she pulled the collar of his shirt, crushing their mouths together as she kissed him hungrily.
Die answered to the kiss, even bringing his arms around the girl again. He couldn't help but to think that Kaoru's lips felt so much better against his own. Quickly, he discarded the thought and blamed it on the slippery lip-gloss the girl used.
After they parted, Nozomi smiled blissfully at him and quickly pecked his lips again before taking a step backwards. Slowly, she began to unbutton her blouse and sat down on the bed, crawling to the bed-head when the garment was completely open and showed her red bra. "Come here. I want you to make love to me tonight." She seemed determined and it was shown in her movements and her voice.
Almost unnoticeably the redhead bit his bottom lip, the words causing him more panic than to look forward to it. Still, he got onto the bed and crawled closer to her, leaning in to give her a kiss when he was close enough. 'You can do this' was what he told himself over and over again, determined to give the girl what she wanted and at the same time make sure he would forget about Kaoru too.
While they were kissing, Nozomi slid out of her blouse and reached behind her back to open the bra. She smiled a bit at the way he kissed her and about the uncertain way how he caressed her shoulders. "Is this your first time?" The question sounded amused and somehow disbelieving even.
"Yeah," Die confessed, although it still embarrassed him a bit. He tried to force the blush down though, as well as the feeling that he shouldn't be doing this.
"Sweet." She smiled honestly and in a quick movement tugged his shirt over his head. "Just relax. Put your hands here." She took a hold of his hands and guided them to her breasts, initiating another kiss.
The redhead's movements were clearly nervous, but he tried his best to cover it. At least he could concentrate on the kisses, one thing he knew how to do properly. Although Kaoru's kisses were so much sweeter, made his heart pound while these kisses only made him slightly breathless. His heart was pounding, yes, but due to nervousness and not due to some undefined feelings than when he had kissed the other boy.
Nozomi didn't seem to be nervous at all, only somehow anticipating what was lying before them. After a long moment, she put her hand on Die's chest and pushed him a bit further. Smiling, she opened her skirt and wriggled out of it, then beckoned him again with a crooked index finger.
He came closer obediently, even smiling at her a bit and giving her a kiss to somehow smother his nervousness. His determination was just getting less and less strong with each passing moment though, because he couldn't help but to feel the whole moment was just wrong.
-
Meanwhile, Kaoru was lying on his bed and just stared at the ceiling. The tears had subsided, but the pain in his heart was as strong as at the moment when he had seen Die kiss the girl, when he had introduced her as 'my girlfriend'. Although he had never wanted this to happen, had been determined to grant the other his luck with another person, he had to admit now that he had been hoping Die'd choose him. At least he had anticipated him to be honest and tell him when he had fallen in love with somebody else. Never had Kaoru had such a heartache and it became even worse when he was thinking about the party Die and Nozomi had gone to. He knew what happened at those parties and couldn't deny that he was jealous at the girl. She would be the one to take the redhead's virginity, would always be his first.
-
Nozomi parted her legs a bit to make it easier for the redhead to come closer and kissed him back eagerly. Her hands slid down his chest, fingertips brushing over his nipples, slowly roaming lower until she reached the cuff of his pants where she opened the button unhesitantly.
When the button popped open, and the girls hands went to the zipper, Die panicked. That was the moment when it really struck him what he was just about to do. And he knew he didn't want it. Not with her. Everything she did, he compared to Kaoru, every time they kissed he saw Kaoru although he tried not to. And he just couldn't go through this, not now and not with Nozomi.
Abruptly, he pulled away, shaking his head quickly. "I'm sorry," He breathed out, looking at the girl from wide eyes. "I can't."
She misinterpreted his reaction as shyness and smiled soothingly. "It's okay to be nervous. Just relax and let me guide you." Carefully, she reached for the zipper again and pulled it down. "Just don't think about it."
"No, you don't get it." He tried to back off, and managed to lose balance and dropped to sit on the other end of the bed. "I just can't. I won't."
Nozomi looked shocked and even blushed a bit. "You won't? What does that mean? Never?" In a swift movement, she sat up and got on her knees, glaring at the redhead.
"I'm so sorry." Die shook his head, swallowing several times. "I should've never led you on this far..."
Suddenly, she felt uneasy and folded her arms across her chest to cover her bareness. "You mean this is it? You don't love me? Do you love somebody else?" Her voice was high and she almost shrieked as she couldn't believe this was happening. Nobody had ever rejected her like that.
The redhead averted his gaze, but felt like he at least owed her to be honest. "Yeah..." He nodded a bit, still repeating the words 'I'm sorry' not knowing what else to do.
Tears were gathering in Nozomi's eyes and she kicked his leg. "Get out! Fucking go and beat it." She just didn't want him around anymore, felt too disgraced to gather a clear thought.
Obediently Die got up from the bed, quickly zipping his pants and grabbing his shirt to slip it on. He apologized silently one more time before fleeing the room. On his way out, he bumped into one of his friends, but just ignored him and made his way out of the whole house. He practically ran the whole way home, although it was quite far away.
Kaoru still lay on his bed, his arms folded behind his head. He hadn't moved an inch since he had gotten into that position, hadn't even attended dinner, and had told his parents that he wasn't feeling well. He had looked so utterly miserable that they had believed him without questioning and just left him alone.
The redhead was completely out of breath when he arrived home, and tried to sneak upstairs without his mom or Kaoru's dad noticing. He managed to the door, but then realized that Kaoru would probably be there, and he just couldn't face him right at that moment. So he locked himself into the bathroom, just burying his face into his palms and trying to get a grip of himself. He wanted to cry, but he couldn't. Somehow he just knew he had screwed things up as badly as possible, and he felt like shit.
Kaoru had heard him coming up the stairs and instinctively had taken a look at the clock. It was still early to come home from a Friday night's party, but he knew that Die wasn't up for dancing and such. So maybe he had gotten what he wanted and then came home already, trying to flee his so-called friends
When the redhead didn't return from the bathroom, Kaoru decided to look after him. He was still mad and moreover hurt, but if the price for being close to the other was to just be his friend, he could at least try to do that. Carefully, he knocked on the door, his voice only a whisper. "Die? Are you still in there? Something wrong?"
"Just, let me be." The redhead didn't want to talk right now. But still his voice sounded odd, since he somehow wanted to have the other near anyways. He just didn't know how to say it.
For a few seconds, the older hesitated, his hand on the handle. Again Die pushed him away without explaining anything to him and it caused the lump to come back to his throat. However, he swallowed his hurt and tried to make his voice sound as casual as possible. "Okay, just tell me when I can do something for you."
Die took a deep breath, collecting himself to say something. In the end all, he got out was only "I'm so sorry." But he meant it from the bottom of his heart.
Kaoru had already turned his back on the door, but froze in his movement when he heard the words echo muffled through the wood. First, he thought Die had spoken to himself, but simply had to ask. "What?"
"I'm sorry." The younger's voice was a bit more firm. "About everything."
At a moment's notice, Kaoru's heart was beating frantically again. Could that be? Was Die apologizing for ignoring and hurting him or was he only apologizing for not being honest. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to take anymore, he just nodded. "It's okay. You did what you had to." With having said that, he turned around and quickly went back to their room.
Somehow those words had a crushing effect on the redhead and he just hugged his legs closer, feeling like utter scum. He decided to go and talk to Kaoru though, after he had got a hold of himself. If he'd get a proper hold of himself.
There were so many emotions boiling up inside the older boy that it was causing tears to rise in his eyes again. To shut out all his surroundings, he tugged the blanket over his head and tried to calm down, tried to catch a clear thought and to get his feelings straight. There was no question, he still was in love with the redhead, but how did the other feel towards him? And even if Die felt something for him, would that be enough to forget how much he had hurt him? There was nothing more he could do than to wait and see how things turned out. And he truly wished Die would just come and hug him, tell him that he had done a mistake and that he loved him instead of Nozomi.
After a long time, Die had collected himself enough to try to talk to the other at least. Silently he went into their room, not even switching on the lights. He went to Kaoru's bed, carefully sitting down on the bed's edge at the other end and touched his leg. "Can we talk?" His voice was quiet, but oddly audible in the silent room.
It took a long moment until the other even stirred. Slowly, Kaoru turned around and peeked at the redhead through a gap between the blanket and the mattress. "I don't know." For some reason, he was strangely calm. Maybe because it couldn't get any worse for him. "Go ahead," he said finally and sat up.
"I really am sorry. I didn't mean to do this to you." The redhead looked straight at him, not knowing how to begin.
"You mean ignoring me? Not being honest with me and telling me that you fell in love with some girl? Forget it. I taught you how to kiss and nothing more. You had the right to act as you did." Kaoru tried to sound certain and cool, fighting against the want to just throw himself at the other and ask him to kiss him again.
"I didn't fall in love with her." Die averted his gaze, feeling a certain lump in his throat again. "And no, I had no right to do what I did. I can't even pretend that I did."
The first sentence caused a triumphant feeling inside the older boy and he couldn't prevent a small smile to tug the corners of his mouth. However, he became serious again at a moment's notice. "Die, what do you want to tell me? I can't deny that you hurt me. Deeply. Like nobody else before. What do you want to hear? That I forgive you? I already forgave you everything, but it's not up to me to give you an absolution. That, only you can do."
"I just want to explain to you. And I would make it all undone if I could, but it doesn't work that way..." Again the redhead was at the loss of words, not knowing what to say and how. "I don't have any other excuse than that I was scared. You just made me go through things I had never known before." He turned his eyes to meet the other's. "And I don't only mean the first kiss or so. I mean the feelings, emotions it evoked in me."
Swallowing hard, Kaoru had to avert his gaze. "It's me who should apologize to you. I should've never begun this or at least should've had the courage to end it before I fell for you." He bowed his head, not even realizing what he had just said.
Die's eyes widened a bit at the words, but he didn't dare to act on them or even ask about them, fearing he had heard wrong. "No, you didn't do anything wrong. And if I would've had the courage to admit to myself what I felt, feel, for you, we wouldn't have had to go through all this."
A single tear got caught in the older's eyelashes and fell down on his cheek when he looked up. "What is it then? What do you feel for me?" His heart threatened to burst his chest, pumping a mixture of hope and fear through his veins. All his young life, he had been looking for love, had been sleeping around, testing, trying things and people, but had never found it. And now, it sat right in front of him, in his reach and yet seemed to be so far away.
"I..." Die averted his gaze. He knew what he had to answer, knew what he felt. But still it was such a big thing to say it out loud. After a moment's silence he turned his eyes to meet the other's again, breaking the silence, his voice a mere whisper. "I love you."
Wordlessly, Kaoru sneaked his arms around his shoulders and hugged him tightly, pressing his face against his neck. "I was hoping you'd say that. I've been waiting for you to realize it, but almost lost hope and when you introduced Nozomi as your girlfriend, I thought I'd never have a change to get a place in your heart." The relief was clearly audible in his voice and he just babbled, speaking his mind without thinking about it. "I missed you so much; missed being close to you and missed your kisses." He laughed a bit dryly. "See, experience doesn't matter. You make me feel like a virgin and it feels so good."
Thankfully the redhead hugged the other in return, burying his face into his neck and inhaling his scent deep. "I'm still sorry. I was so stupid... and all the things I did..." He felt utterly relieved that Kaoru didn't push him away, at least that was more than he had expected after all this. "But after that one time when mom almost walked in on us, I kinda freaked out. I knew that I would have gone all the way with you if she hadn't barged in and I just... it made me just so nervous." He tried to explain at least part of the things that had been going through his mind.
"I suspected something like that." Kaoru spoke calmly, still holding him close to himself as he was too afraid to lose him again. "And I wanted to give you time to think about it. But then, you kissed her at the schoolyard and even looked straight at me as if to say that you found a substitute for me and didn't want me anymore, and you broke my heart." He looked up, gently putting his hand under Die's chin to make him look at him as well. "I hadn't been prepared for this. Had never thought I could feel this strongly for somebody. But if you decide to be with me, be sure about it. I couldn't possibly survive something like that again if you happen to have sudden doubts again."
"I am sure." Die nodded, biting his lower lip softly. "I've never been this sure about anything in my life." He really believed what he said, and just wanted to be near to the other, didn't want to lose him again.
"Thank you." Kaoru smiled honestly and couldn't resist to ghost his lips over Die's to feel their softness, his hot breath against his own. Ponderingly, he rolled his bottom lip between his teeth. "May I kiss you?" He just had to ask, somehow still not believing that Die had just confessed his love to him and that he was back in his arms again.
"I would love it." Die smiled honestly, relief washing over him as he finally believed this was happening. The other forgave him, and even wanted him back after all this.
"I really missed you." Kaoru had become serious, but his eyes were sparkling when he leaned in and connected their lips in a soft, gentle kiss. On their own accord, his eyes fluttered shut and he just focused on the feeling of the other's lips, on his taste and the warmth that radiated from his body. His heart was beating quickly, fluttering with joy when he tentatively moved in a bit to deepen the contact.
The redhead closed his eyes, concentrating on both the kiss and the feelings it woke in him. And there it was, the feeling that Kaoru's kisses always made spread through him, and what had been completely missing when he had kissed the girl. Everything just fell into place now, felt so right finally.
They kept the kiss slow and Kaoru tried to pour all his affection for the younger into it; tried to show him how much he loved him even without words. Still, he couldn't believe that Die had finally chosen him, had left Nozomi just to be with him. He knew what a big decision that was and that it would affect all his further life. Die was simply utterly relieved that he was still allowed to be there, to be held by the other like that and to be close to him. The past happenings were still bothering him, because he still felt guilty, but he just pushed those thoughts to the back of his skull.
Even after they parted, Kaoru kept him close, his arms wrapped safely around his waist. He had found his smile again and looked straight into the redhead's eyes, straight to the bottom of his soul as it seemed. "I love you." He hadn't said it, in fact had never told anybody those words with really meaning them.
The words caused a pleasant warmth to spread inside the younger one, and he just smiled, hugging Kaoru tighter. "Love you too." He was still a bit surprised about how seriously he really meant it.
"Die," Kaoru's tone was serious and he retreated a bit, "I really mean it. Nobody ever made me feel like you do." At a moment's notice, he was grinning again. "Though you're a spoiled, inexperienced, mama's boy."
"I'm not!" Grinning widely the redhead playfully hit the other's shoulder. "At least I'm not admitting anything."
"Remember what I said about hitting me?" Effortlessly, Kaoru caught Die's hand in his own and held it tight. "And on top of everything, you're selfish and overly self-confident too."
"Am not." Die shook his head, but his smile didn't vanish completely. "When it comes to those, you're way further than I am."
"Only outwardly." The older winked and then quickly shifted the other side so that he could pull him to sit almost on his lap. "I didn't even show you half of my true self-confidence," he whispered cockily close to the redhead's ear.
"You didn't?" The younger chuckled, leaning a bit closer to the other. "I wonder what I missed..."
"This, you will have to find out on your own." Kaoru said teasingly and ran his lips down the redhead's neck. "But you surely missed something good."
A small shiver ran through Die's spine. "Well, I guess I need to work on finding it out then."
There was this nagging fear in the back of the older's skull that told him they had to be careful because their parents were only a few meters away from them. But he couldn't resist and dove his hands into Die's shirt to feel his smooth skin against his fingertips again.
The younger tilted his head, pressing a small kiss on the other's lips. He knew it was careless to do anything as their parents were so close, but he couldn't bring himself to care at that moment.
For some time, Kaoru only concentrated on caressing Die's back, kissing him shortly every now and then. He simply didn't want to urge the other, didn't want to rush things and instead enjoyed every second of being with him to the fullest. Despite that, he kept his ears directed at the stairs, not sure if Die's mom would want to talk to her son and ask him about the party.
Contently Die wrapped his arms around the Kaoru's neck, just enjoying the moment to the fullest. He couldn't resist the temptation and stole a deeper kiss from him in between, marvelling the feelings it again awoke in him.
But just as the older had suspected, there were steps on the stairs that came towards their room. Quickly, he pushed Die off him, smiling. "I told her I don't feel good, so if you get rid of her now, she might not be coming back again," he whispered, already pulling the blanket over himself.
It was just in time, because the door opened and Die's mom stretched her head inside. She smiled when she spotted her son sitting at the edge of Kaoru's bed, assuming he was taking care of his older step-brother. "Everything okay here? I heard you talk and just am too curious about the party."
"Yeah, everything alright. As long as Kao gets some sleep." Die smiled at his mother, standing up from the bed. "And the party was cool too. Although I left early since many of my friends did too." He just made up something that would be believable enough.
"Do you want to come downstairs for a moment and maybe eat something or do you want to stay here?" The pregnant woman went to Kaoru's bed and softly brushed over his cheek. "Is there something you need? You look a bit feverish."
Inwardly, the pink-haired was laughing, because the colour on his face originated from the kisses he had shared with his step-brother. "No." He shook his head, blinking tiredly. "I just have a major headache and want to sleep long. Thank you."
"I could use a quick snack." The redhead was indeed a bit hungry, and thought it'd be best to just get his mom out of there and exchange a few words with her in the kitchen while making a sandwich.
"Will you bring me something to drink when you come back?" Kaoru asked. He knew it was a good idea that the other went downstairs with his mother, but couldn't deny that he would have wanted him to stay; now that they finally got together and everything was clear between them. The woman smiled and gently put her hand on Die's shoulder. "Then come. I will make you a nice sandwich while you tell me about that girl you've been going out with."
"I'll get you something." Die gave Kaoru a bright smile, before following his mother out of the door. He would've just wanted to stay with him, but thought that now that things were finally clear they would have the possibility to spend enough time together later on too. Now it would be good to distract his mother and take her further away before she could notice anything.
Die's mother seemed to be in a really good mood and was determined to spend some time with her son, to learn about Nozomi and their relationship as she was curious like a cat. "So, this girl was cute. Is she your girlfriend?" She had been waiting for her son to bring a girl home once, because he seemed to be a late bloomer in her opinion.
"Well, she was..." The redhead answered honestly, sitting on a chair beside the table in the kitchen while his mother turned to make the sandwich. "But we kinda broke up."
"Oh." The woman turned around and then smiled encouragingly. "What was wrong? Wasn't she your type?" She patted his shoulder again. "Don't worry, other mothers have beautiful daughters as well."
"I'm sure they have." Die nodded, trying to look as innocent as possible. "Nozomi is nice, but well, it wasn't much more than friendship to begin with."
"I see." She was done with the sandwich and sat down at the table opposite to him. "Then it was good to stop it and focus on something else." She sighed and put her hands on her belly. "I can't wait for the birth. This little brat kicks me all the time."
The redhead tried to cover that it still bothered him how he felt like being replaced by the still unborn child. "Is it much different from when you were expecting me?" He thought that actually talking about it with his mom might make him accept it better.
"It is." She nodded smiling. "I was 16 years younger when I expected you and it was all new to me. Somehow it's relieving to know what awaits you, but it's also harder on the body." She was glad that her son seemed to be interested in this. "Once the child is there, I will have to rely on you to be the big brother and help me a bit. On you and Kaoru."
"We'll do our best." Die promised honestly. Although it annoyed both of them how the child was already the centre of attention, but helping as well as they could they could would also make his mom happy and therefore make life easier for everyone. "It's not long anymore, is it?" He was relieved for probably the first time that his mom liked to talk about the new baby so much, since now he could guide the discussion there so that he wouldn't have to sort his personal business with his mom.
"No, three weeks, maybe four the doc said." She was still smiling and stood up from the chair. "Dear, I will have to sit on the couch. My back's killing me. Do you want to join me or go back upstairs?"
"I guess I'd best go up to get Kao that drink before he falls asleep." Die smiled, standing up and taking a glass from the cupboard, deciding that the other could as well drink water.
"Okay. Tomorrow, I will have an appointment with the doc again and your dad and I will go and check the hospital. So we won't be there when you wake up. I will leave you something to eat, because I don't know how long it takes till we're back." She chuckled loudly. "I'm feeling like a fat whale."
"Don't worry. It'll pass." The redhead chuckled, turning to smile at his mother. "We'll survive, just take your time with it."
"Come here and give your old mom a good night kiss." She opened her arms, waiting for him to hug her.
Die set the glass on the edge of the table and hugged his mom tight, but careful that he wouldn't crush her belly. He was a bit paranoid and felt that his mom might just burst since she was so big. "Good night." He pecked her cheek briefly.
"Thanks Die. I know that I had a lot less time for you lately and I promise that after the child is born, we'll do something together once a week. Just the two of us." She winked and then slowly turned around, walking towards the door.
"That'd be nice." The redhead forced himself to smile although he knew it would probably never happen. Quickly he took the glass of water and headed upstairs, not wanting to risk that his mother would come up with more questions suddenly.