rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 11:09 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 11:09 pm
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Title: The walk of life; Chapter 6: Pain and pleasure
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seinen_no and fonulyn
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Comments: WARNING sexual abuse in this chapter
seinen_no: Okay dears, another chap from us. I love this one; I really do. And although it has a lot of bad things, the good ones all nullify it. Maybe it’s even my fav chapter so far, but since I like everything, I can’t really tell that :D
I hope you all enjoy reading it as much asfonulyn and I enjoyed writing.
And I wanted to use this to thank you guys for being so faithful to our story and for leaving such nice comments. It always makes my day^^
fonulyn: I can only repeat what was already said^^ Heh, I love this chapter as well, and at least it makes me emotional^^; And you’ve all been great, and a huge thanks for all of you for staying with us and reading and commenting^^
Previously happened:
The walk of life, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5
The walk of life
Chapter 6: Pain and pleasure
For the first few minutes when they were back inside, neither of them said a word, but suddenly, the smaller man began to tremble. "They'll send us to solitude." His voice was tiny and barely audible.
"You can't know that." Die tried to calm the other down, but he didn't sound very convincing, seeing that he didn't really believe it himself even. "They might just deny us to go outside and lock us up here for some time." It was a common thing to do with smaller things, but starting a fight was considered something major.
"You don't believe that yourself, do you?" The other man was still trembling, as the mere imagination of being sent to solitude again caused fear to run through his veins. "That was a set-up. They wanted to separate us so that we're easy prey."
Kaoru's opinion was underlined when the cell opened and two guards, one of them Yamada, stepped inside. "You," he nodded towards Die, "come here." Wordlessly, they cuffed him again.
Die bit his lip, and staid silent as the guards cuffed him. He was hoping that they would only take him and leave Kaoru be since he seemed to really be afraid of solitude. Although he didn't know which would be the better option, since staying behind alone would definitely cause troubles as well.
But the guards cuffed Kaoru too and took both of them to the section of the solitude cells. Outwardly, the black-haired man displayed perfect calmness, but inwardly was dying from fear. Though somehow the knowledge that Die would be in the cell next to him made the thought of being isolated a bit more bearable.
Before they were locked away, Die was informed that he would have to do seven days for
starting the fight and Kaoru three for being involved.
'Seven days', was all that echoed in Die's mind as the door was locked and he was left there alone. Seven days, that was a whole week. And what would Kaoru do for the four days he would have to survive alone out there? It wouldn't be easy, seeing that everyone was against them now.
Silently Die fell to sit down in the corner of the cell, burying his face in his palms. A larger part of him didn't even realize the happenings anymore, only the maddening silence around him.
Instantly after being delivered to the dead silent darkness, Kaoru crawled into the farmost corner and closed his eyes. He tried to remain calm, tried not to think about what seven days of solitude would mean for Die nor what would happen to himself after he was released. After some time, he didn't know how long, it could've been ten minutes or ten hours, he banged against the wall. "Die, can you hear me?"
The redhead heard a distant sound, as if someone was banging against a wall somewhere at the other end of the corridor. He didn't react though, only leaned against the wall and tried not to panic in there.
All Kaoru wanted was to know if the other was okay and that he could hear him. That awareness alone would calm him down considerably and so he tried again, using one of the tin cups they had been given for water, to knock at the wall using the only morse he knew, S.O.S.
That managed to attract Die's attention, and somehow he snapped out of his blank state of mind. He turned to face the wall, realizing the sound was coming from the other side. "Kaoru?" His voice was a faint whisper at first, but then he repeated as loud as he was able to. "Kaoru!"
His name sounded muffled through the thick wall, yet it was audible and that mere fact caused Kaoru to smile. Feeling a bit less lost and alone, he put his hand on the wall and yelled. "Die! Just hang in there!" It was meant for both of them; just to survive these days.
Die couldn't quite make out the words, but he heard his name and that alone caused him to let out a relieved sigh and smile a bit. "We'll live through this!" He tried, just to say something, to let the other know he was there and heard at least part of what he had yelled.
Knowing that the redhead was right behind that wall and seemed to be okay, Kaoru finally slid down to the ground, leaning his back against the concrete barrier that divided them. This time, solitude wasn't half as threatening as the first time.
Every now and then, they tried to show the other that they were still alive and sane and these short moments were enough to keep them from losing their minds and getting lost in fear.
They were even able to sleep at nights, not being too intimidated by the thick silence.
Die never left the wall though, leaning against it almost all the time as he knew Kaoru was just behind it. It was somehow that as long as he was as close as possible, he would also be safe. And he didn't want to think how he would survive once he truly was alone. But his stay wasn't as peaceful as Kaoru's for a certain reason.
One time, his door opened and a familiar figure stepped inside. "Hello Daisuke. Did you miss me?" Yamada directed the light of his flashlight directly at the redhead, displaying his usual evil grin.
'Oh God no.' Die's consciousness started screaming the moment the warden stepped in, and the remembrance of the time when Kaoru had been isolated before flashed through his mind. He looked away from the flashlight, turning his head towards one wall. He didn't even say anything, concentrating to calm himself down somehow.
Pleased, the warden noticed his terror and stepped closer, setting up right in front of him. He smirked, showing his yellow teeth. "Don't you think it's time to take another step in our relationship?" he asked teasingly, saliva collecting in the corners of his mouth while he spoke. "C'mon, get up and show some respect."
The words 'another step' made the redhead almost panic, as he wasn't sure what the warden meant by it. He didn't move yet, but as he was grabbed by his hair and tugged forcefully, he had to get up on his knees.
"Tske, tske, and there I thought you wanted to be a good boy so that I wouldn't have to visit Niikura. But as it seems, you don't care." Suddenly, Yamada released him from his grip and turned around to walk towards the door very slowly.
"No!" Die's eyes widened, and the word escaped him before he even knew he was talking. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, hanging his head a bit before going on. "Don't hurt him."
"Aw," Yamada drawled and turned around. "Isn't that cute? I prefer you anyways." He took obvious delight in the fact that he had total power over the redhead and approached him again. When he stood directly before him, he bent down, his voice hoarse, his foul breath striking Die's face. "Get up and strip."
"What!?" Die looked up, his eyes wide. His voice had been louder than intended, but he couldn't help it. He was just shocked and scared, not knowing how far exactly the warden was about to go.
Without pre-notice, he got smacked in the face. "Don't you dare to question my commands or I will make sure that I'm not the only one who pays you a visit tonight," Yamada barked, but smirked instantly. "And I will tell Niikura that it's your fault when his cute little ass is torn apart."
Biting his lip hard, the redhead got up on his shaky legs, avoiding to look at the other. He took a deep breath, quickly pulling his shirt over his head, hoping that all this was just meant to frighten him.
"Again, you're a clever boy. Hurry a bit." Once Die stood in front of him, completely naked, Yamada measured his appearance shamelessly, loving the small traces of fear he found in the noticeable trembling of the young man's body. Suddenly, his hand darted forward, grabbing the redhead's member while he brought his lips close to his ear. "You're lucky that I love that sweet mouth of yours. Get down on your knees and give it to me."
Still, Die didn't say a word, only dropped on his knees. He didn't care that it hurt, the rough surface of the floor digging into the soft skin of his knees. At least the pain distracted him from everything in this. He knew that signs of fear were just what Yamada was after, but he couldn't help himself, couldn't control the slight shaking of his body nor the panicking in his eyes.
The happenings next door were passing by Kaoru unnoticed. It was for the better though, because if he had known what was going on, unable to help his friend, he would've probably gone on a rampage.
Yamada visited Die regularly, always threatening to fuck him or to do something to Kaoru. He had developed various ways to humiliate the redhead, yet never went all the way. He was afraid, because although he seemed dull, Yamada had a good knowledge of the human nature and he had seen something in Kaoru's eyes that had touched his innermost and even threatened him.
He knew, once he truly hurt the redhead and Kaoru got wind of it, his reactions were unpredictable. As far as he was concerned, he was certain that the small, seemingly unimpressive man was capable of killing somebody. Yet, Die was too tempting for the warden to leave him alone completely.
Although Die was going through hell, he didn't cry a single night. After the warden left him he dragged himself to the wall that separated him from his only friend there, and leaned against it, finding some sort of comfort in the knowledge that he was at the other side. He was hoping that he would be able to keep Yamada from going to Kaoru, and he knew he would do almost anything to ensure that. Even if it meant losing his own dignity and obeying the warden's each command.
Solitude meant cold. Not only were the floors of the cells cold, it also froze your insides, banished any feeling of happiness and slowed down the heartbeat. The only thing that kept Kaoru from reaching this state of numbness was the thought of the man behind the wall. The friendship that had developed between them and the trust they had gained by protecting each other, had merged into something more. At least for the black-haired man. He had learned not to think about himself as a single person but as being a part of an inseparable unity.
Die was too confused to think straight, and had too many troubles surviving through each day to sort out his thoughts and emotions. But if he'd thought about it, he would've noticed that his cellmate had become a friend for him, and even more. The only person there whom he trusted, the only with whom he was really able to talk honestly. In fact, if he thought back his whole life he had never trusted anyone so much, never had enjoyed someone's company like this.
Kaoru would've wanted to stay there as long as his cellmate. Not only because he would have major troubles to survive the assaults of other inmates without the his protection, but simply because he knew how hard it would be for Die to remain there, completely alone with his thoughts and fears. It even came to his mind that he could resist the wardens when they took him back to his cell or to start another fight, but knew that it would do more harm than good in the end. So he followed them obediently when the door opened and two guards took him back to the cell.
The redhead had somewhere lost count of days, but as he noticed one day that Kaoru didn't answer to him anymore when he tried to signal to him, he knew he had been taken back. The knowledge made his heart shrink, and he just leaned against the wall unmoving, trying not to panic. He simply felt so cold, so alone.
The upcoming four days were pure hell for both of them. The unavoidable morning showers turned out to be the most dangerous moments for Kaoru and he only got away from being raped by pure luck more than once. Other than that, he tried to avoid public places, never went out into the yard or to the library. After breakfast, he went straight to work and staid there as long as possible, then tried to catch a guard on his way back to the cell whom he could follow.
Die didn't know which was harder, being alone in the silence or being visited by Yamada each day, twice on some days. He was beginning to be numb inside, not really caring for anything that happened around him and mostly acting like a robot. As Yamada noticed the lack of responses he developed new ways to humiliate the other though, and made every day life even harder for him.
On the seventh day, Kaoru was waiting for the return of his cellmate impatiently. He was afraid how Die would look like, how much solitude would have affected him and he feared that he could be broken. After all, it had been his first time in isolation and after what only a few days had done to Kaoru, he didn't want to imagine what a whole week could've done to his friend. Furthermore, he couldn't wait to have him back, only to have somebody to talk to and to gain back the feeling of safety the other's proximity provided, as he tried to make himself believe.
As the guards brought Die back, he looked dead as much as he felt dead. His eyes were just staring blankly into nothingness. But as the guards left, and the door of the cell was locked behind him his eyes began to move. His gaze stopped as he noticed the other man, and a sound something between a sob and a relieved sigh left his lips.
Shocked, Kaoru noticed the change in his friend's appearance. His hair was greasy, his cheeks and eyes hollow. Only when his gaze fell upon himself, he noticed a small glimmer, something between relief and hope. Without hesitating, Kaoru jumped up and pulled the other into his arms, whispering faintly. "Welcome back."
That broke down the barriers completely, and Die simply clutched the other and broke down crying. He hadn't cried in the isolation cell, he hadn't cried when Yamada had plainly used him, but now that he was back with his friend again, it all broke free and he couldn't hold back the tears and frantic sobbing.
Swallowing hard against the rising lump in his throat, Kaoru tightened his hold on the other man, soothingly caressing his back. But when Die's tears didn't subside, sobs shaking his body violently, he took his head in both hands and kissed him chastely, only lips on lips. His mind was blank from other thoughts than the terror the other must have experienced to break down like this.
A soft gasp escaped the redhead as he felt the other's lips on his. They felt soft, unbelievably soft. A calming blankness invaded his mind as he only concentrated on the feeling of the other's lips slightly moving against his own, forgetting the terror of past days at least for the time being.
Kaoru was acting like in a haze, only focusing on soothing the other man, on giving him some comfort after the long time without human contact. Slowly, he moved him to his bunk and made him first sit, then gently pushed him to lie down. His heart was racing when he crawled next to him, caressed his cheeks and bowed his head to kiss him again.
Die was still clutching the other's shirt, but the closeness made him slowly relax. He held his eyes closed, concentrating on the way the other was kissing him chastely, and on the warmth they shared. He felt that the numbness inside him was fading slowly, the cold emptiness turned into something more alive again.
The fact that Die hadn't showered in days, that his hair was greasy and sticky when Kaoru ran his fingers through it, didn't matter to him. He simply didn't care. After some time, when the other man slowly relaxed and the time for simply soothing him was up, Kaoru had to admit that he enjoyed being close to him like that. He enjoyed touching him, feeling his lips on his own and feeling the others increasing heartbeat.
Slowly Die allowed himself to believe that this was really happening, and the fact that he was with the other again made him happier than he would've thought was possible. A big part of him hoped that this moment would never end, and that he could stay there close to Kaoru forever, simply kissing each other.
Still making himself believe that everything he did was just meant to comfort his friend, Kaoru slipped his hands inside the other's shirt and slowly caressed his soft sides. Coevally, he tested his luck and licked across Die's lush bottom lip, hoping not to get too far with this and praying that the other would open his mouth for him.
Instinctively, not even thinking, the redhead parted his lips and allowed the other to deepen the soft contact. He moved a bit closer even, seeking for more warmth and closeness, to make the coldness from inside of him melt completely.
The gentle kiss caused Kaoru's heartbeat to speed up until it felt like bursting his chest. They were moving in silent stipulation, not exchanging a single word. And thinking back, Kaoru had to see that he had never felt so close to somebody before in his life.
Time didn't matter as neither of them knew how long they were just kissing each other, exchanging gentle touches and communicating only through them without a word being said.
Like naturally, Kaoru rolled up the redhead's shirt, finally pulling it over his head. Still, no word left his lips when he moved his hand down to the button of the other's pants. After reassuring himself by stealing another kiss, he removed that garment as well, leaving the closeness only for as long as it took to discard the jeans to the floor.
Die was moving like in a haze, his fingers toying with the hem of the other's shirt before tugging it upwards. He had no clear reasons in his mind, he only wanted to feel Kaoru's skin against his, to be there close to him.
Feeling the other man's hot breath ghosting over his face, his smooth skin against his own, touched a part deep inside the smaller man which he had stubbornly denied for such a long time already. But that night, he granted himself the simple happiness of not thinking about it, of just enjoying the magical moment. In wrapping his arms around Die's neck, he pressed their bodies close together and initiated another tender kiss.
Slowly the kiss evolved into something deeper, something almost desperate as they both needed it equally much. They were as close against each other as possible, but still Die felt he wanted to get closer somehow. His fingers were in the other's hair, ensuring that the kiss wouldn't be broken suddenly.
Kaoru's ears were deaf to the usual noises of the night that were filling the air. All he heard was the beating of their hearts, the heavy respiration of the man in his arms. And all he felt was Die's tongue in his mouth, his hands in his hair and his body so close, filling his insides with warmth he thought had been lost forever. Slowly, his body was reacting to the closeness and caused him to release a quiet sigh into the kiss.
The redhead's body was reacting as well, and he couldn't hold back small sighs that fell from his lips but were muffled by the kiss. He was blind for everything else but the other there close to him, didn't spare any part of his consciousness for anything else. His fingers had been moving along the other's side, and without rethinking it again, he let his hand travel further down to the other's groin.
The touch elicited a needy groan that finally broke the kiss. Easily, Kaoru stopped Die by grabbing his wrists. But before he could break the magical moment with saying a word, Kaoru quickly pecked his lips and then removed his pants.
A soft smile was dancing on Die's lips as he looked the other in the eye. As soon as all the clothes were gotten rid of, he pulled Kaoru closer again, kissing him and finishing what he had intended with guiding his hand back down. All the time he was purely acting on instinct, banning the conscious thoughts away from his mind.
Kaoru mirrored the smile, but it ceased as soon as he felt the touch on his bare arousal. Although Die had touched him like that several times before, there was something new to it, something that caused a forceful shudder to run through his body along with another soft moan to spill from his lips. Always making sure to stay as close to the other man as possible, he let his hands roam down Die's chest, over his lower stomach and further to pay him back the same way.
Die had to close his eyes as he felt the other man's hand on his length, sending an electric shiver through him. A low moan erupted from him, and he couldn't help but to instinctively move his hips forward, trying to get more of the contact.
Their movements were slow and gentle, sharing tender touches and deep kisses. It was exactly what both men needed, what they had been craving for and now provided for the other. They were acting like one being, inhaling when the other did, their quiet moans mixing in the air. Finally, they were climaxing together; sharing the moment of bliss, of being engulfed by pure pleasure that completed the moment and made it special.
Even afterwards Die staid as close to the other as possible, not caring for their sticky bodies. There was a smile on his lips for the first time in more than a week, and it was the first time he felt warm, felt like he might still be able to go on with his life since he had something, someone, to live for.
It was more than gratitude, more than the will to still comfort the redhead, when Kaoru wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly. At that moment, he never wanted to let go, would have given everything to always lie together like this. Twined with the other man, his head pillowed in the crook of Die's shoulder, he finally fell asleep.
The redhead staid awake longer, listening to the other's heartbeat in the darkness. It had a comforting effect on him, and eventually he drifted off as well, holding on to the other man even when asleep.
Author:
seinen_no and fonulynRating: NC17
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Comments: WARNING sexual abuse in this chapter
seinen_no: Okay dears, another chap from us. I love this one; I really do. And although it has a lot of bad things, the good ones all nullify it. Maybe it’s even my fav chapter so far, but since I like everything, I can’t really tell that :DI hope you all enjoy reading it as much as
fonulyn and I enjoyed writing. And I wanted to use this to thank you guys for being so faithful to our story and for leaving such nice comments. It always makes my day^^
fonulyn: I can only repeat what was already said^^ Heh, I love this chapter as well, and at least it makes me emotional^^; And you’ve all been great, and a huge thanks for all of you for staying with us and reading and commenting^^Previously happened:
The walk of life, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5
Chapter 6: Pain and pleasure
For the first few minutes when they were back inside, neither of them said a word, but suddenly, the smaller man began to tremble. "They'll send us to solitude." His voice was tiny and barely audible.
"You can't know that." Die tried to calm the other down, but he didn't sound very convincing, seeing that he didn't really believe it himself even. "They might just deny us to go outside and lock us up here for some time." It was a common thing to do with smaller things, but starting a fight was considered something major.
"You don't believe that yourself, do you?" The other man was still trembling, as the mere imagination of being sent to solitude again caused fear to run through his veins. "That was a set-up. They wanted to separate us so that we're easy prey."
Kaoru's opinion was underlined when the cell opened and two guards, one of them Yamada, stepped inside. "You," he nodded towards Die, "come here." Wordlessly, they cuffed him again.
Die bit his lip, and staid silent as the guards cuffed him. He was hoping that they would only take him and leave Kaoru be since he seemed to really be afraid of solitude. Although he didn't know which would be the better option, since staying behind alone would definitely cause troubles as well.
But the guards cuffed Kaoru too and took both of them to the section of the solitude cells. Outwardly, the black-haired man displayed perfect calmness, but inwardly was dying from fear. Though somehow the knowledge that Die would be in the cell next to him made the thought of being isolated a bit more bearable.
Before they were locked away, Die was informed that he would have to do seven days for
starting the fight and Kaoru three for being involved.
'Seven days', was all that echoed in Die's mind as the door was locked and he was left there alone. Seven days, that was a whole week. And what would Kaoru do for the four days he would have to survive alone out there? It wouldn't be easy, seeing that everyone was against them now.
Silently Die fell to sit down in the corner of the cell, burying his face in his palms. A larger part of him didn't even realize the happenings anymore, only the maddening silence around him.
Instantly after being delivered to the dead silent darkness, Kaoru crawled into the farmost corner and closed his eyes. He tried to remain calm, tried not to think about what seven days of solitude would mean for Die nor what would happen to himself after he was released. After some time, he didn't know how long, it could've been ten minutes or ten hours, he banged against the wall. "Die, can you hear me?"
The redhead heard a distant sound, as if someone was banging against a wall somewhere at the other end of the corridor. He didn't react though, only leaned against the wall and tried not to panic in there.
All Kaoru wanted was to know if the other was okay and that he could hear him. That awareness alone would calm him down considerably and so he tried again, using one of the tin cups they had been given for water, to knock at the wall using the only morse he knew, S.O.S.
That managed to attract Die's attention, and somehow he snapped out of his blank state of mind. He turned to face the wall, realizing the sound was coming from the other side. "Kaoru?" His voice was a faint whisper at first, but then he repeated as loud as he was able to. "Kaoru!"
His name sounded muffled through the thick wall, yet it was audible and that mere fact caused Kaoru to smile. Feeling a bit less lost and alone, he put his hand on the wall and yelled. "Die! Just hang in there!" It was meant for both of them; just to survive these days.
Die couldn't quite make out the words, but he heard his name and that alone caused him to let out a relieved sigh and smile a bit. "We'll live through this!" He tried, just to say something, to let the other know he was there and heard at least part of what he had yelled.
Knowing that the redhead was right behind that wall and seemed to be okay, Kaoru finally slid down to the ground, leaning his back against the concrete barrier that divided them. This time, solitude wasn't half as threatening as the first time.
Every now and then, they tried to show the other that they were still alive and sane and these short moments were enough to keep them from losing their minds and getting lost in fear.
They were even able to sleep at nights, not being too intimidated by the thick silence.
Die never left the wall though, leaning against it almost all the time as he knew Kaoru was just behind it. It was somehow that as long as he was as close as possible, he would also be safe. And he didn't want to think how he would survive once he truly was alone. But his stay wasn't as peaceful as Kaoru's for a certain reason.
One time, his door opened and a familiar figure stepped inside. "Hello Daisuke. Did you miss me?" Yamada directed the light of his flashlight directly at the redhead, displaying his usual evil grin.
'Oh God no.' Die's consciousness started screaming the moment the warden stepped in, and the remembrance of the time when Kaoru had been isolated before flashed through his mind. He looked away from the flashlight, turning his head towards one wall. He didn't even say anything, concentrating to calm himself down somehow.
Pleased, the warden noticed his terror and stepped closer, setting up right in front of him. He smirked, showing his yellow teeth. "Don't you think it's time to take another step in our relationship?" he asked teasingly, saliva collecting in the corners of his mouth while he spoke. "C'mon, get up and show some respect."
The words 'another step' made the redhead almost panic, as he wasn't sure what the warden meant by it. He didn't move yet, but as he was grabbed by his hair and tugged forcefully, he had to get up on his knees.
"Tske, tske, and there I thought you wanted to be a good boy so that I wouldn't have to visit Niikura. But as it seems, you don't care." Suddenly, Yamada released him from his grip and turned around to walk towards the door very slowly.
"No!" Die's eyes widened, and the word escaped him before he even knew he was talking. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, hanging his head a bit before going on. "Don't hurt him."
"Aw," Yamada drawled and turned around. "Isn't that cute? I prefer you anyways." He took obvious delight in the fact that he had total power over the redhead and approached him again. When he stood directly before him, he bent down, his voice hoarse, his foul breath striking Die's face. "Get up and strip."
"What!?" Die looked up, his eyes wide. His voice had been louder than intended, but he couldn't help it. He was just shocked and scared, not knowing how far exactly the warden was about to go.
Without pre-notice, he got smacked in the face. "Don't you dare to question my commands or I will make sure that I'm not the only one who pays you a visit tonight," Yamada barked, but smirked instantly. "And I will tell Niikura that it's your fault when his cute little ass is torn apart."
Biting his lip hard, the redhead got up on his shaky legs, avoiding to look at the other. He took a deep breath, quickly pulling his shirt over his head, hoping that all this was just meant to frighten him.
"Again, you're a clever boy. Hurry a bit." Once Die stood in front of him, completely naked, Yamada measured his appearance shamelessly, loving the small traces of fear he found in the noticeable trembling of the young man's body. Suddenly, his hand darted forward, grabbing the redhead's member while he brought his lips close to his ear. "You're lucky that I love that sweet mouth of yours. Get down on your knees and give it to me."
Still, Die didn't say a word, only dropped on his knees. He didn't care that it hurt, the rough surface of the floor digging into the soft skin of his knees. At least the pain distracted him from everything in this. He knew that signs of fear were just what Yamada was after, but he couldn't help himself, couldn't control the slight shaking of his body nor the panicking in his eyes.
The happenings next door were passing by Kaoru unnoticed. It was for the better though, because if he had known what was going on, unable to help his friend, he would've probably gone on a rampage.
Yamada visited Die regularly, always threatening to fuck him or to do something to Kaoru. He had developed various ways to humiliate the redhead, yet never went all the way. He was afraid, because although he seemed dull, Yamada had a good knowledge of the human nature and he had seen something in Kaoru's eyes that had touched his innermost and even threatened him.
He knew, once he truly hurt the redhead and Kaoru got wind of it, his reactions were unpredictable. As far as he was concerned, he was certain that the small, seemingly unimpressive man was capable of killing somebody. Yet, Die was too tempting for the warden to leave him alone completely.
Although Die was going through hell, he didn't cry a single night. After the warden left him he dragged himself to the wall that separated him from his only friend there, and leaned against it, finding some sort of comfort in the knowledge that he was at the other side. He was hoping that he would be able to keep Yamada from going to Kaoru, and he knew he would do almost anything to ensure that. Even if it meant losing his own dignity and obeying the warden's each command.
Solitude meant cold. Not only were the floors of the cells cold, it also froze your insides, banished any feeling of happiness and slowed down the heartbeat. The only thing that kept Kaoru from reaching this state of numbness was the thought of the man behind the wall. The friendship that had developed between them and the trust they had gained by protecting each other, had merged into something more. At least for the black-haired man. He had learned not to think about himself as a single person but as being a part of an inseparable unity.
Die was too confused to think straight, and had too many troubles surviving through each day to sort out his thoughts and emotions. But if he'd thought about it, he would've noticed that his cellmate had become a friend for him, and even more. The only person there whom he trusted, the only with whom he was really able to talk honestly. In fact, if he thought back his whole life he had never trusted anyone so much, never had enjoyed someone's company like this.
Kaoru would've wanted to stay there as long as his cellmate. Not only because he would have major troubles to survive the assaults of other inmates without the his protection, but simply because he knew how hard it would be for Die to remain there, completely alone with his thoughts and fears. It even came to his mind that he could resist the wardens when they took him back to his cell or to start another fight, but knew that it would do more harm than good in the end. So he followed them obediently when the door opened and two guards took him back to the cell.
The redhead had somewhere lost count of days, but as he noticed one day that Kaoru didn't answer to him anymore when he tried to signal to him, he knew he had been taken back. The knowledge made his heart shrink, and he just leaned against the wall unmoving, trying not to panic. He simply felt so cold, so alone.
The upcoming four days were pure hell for both of them. The unavoidable morning showers turned out to be the most dangerous moments for Kaoru and he only got away from being raped by pure luck more than once. Other than that, he tried to avoid public places, never went out into the yard or to the library. After breakfast, he went straight to work and staid there as long as possible, then tried to catch a guard on his way back to the cell whom he could follow.
Die didn't know which was harder, being alone in the silence or being visited by Yamada each day, twice on some days. He was beginning to be numb inside, not really caring for anything that happened around him and mostly acting like a robot. As Yamada noticed the lack of responses he developed new ways to humiliate the other though, and made every day life even harder for him.
On the seventh day, Kaoru was waiting for the return of his cellmate impatiently. He was afraid how Die would look like, how much solitude would have affected him and he feared that he could be broken. After all, it had been his first time in isolation and after what only a few days had done to Kaoru, he didn't want to imagine what a whole week could've done to his friend. Furthermore, he couldn't wait to have him back, only to have somebody to talk to and to gain back the feeling of safety the other's proximity provided, as he tried to make himself believe.
As the guards brought Die back, he looked dead as much as he felt dead. His eyes were just staring blankly into nothingness. But as the guards left, and the door of the cell was locked behind him his eyes began to move. His gaze stopped as he noticed the other man, and a sound something between a sob and a relieved sigh left his lips.
Shocked, Kaoru noticed the change in his friend's appearance. His hair was greasy, his cheeks and eyes hollow. Only when his gaze fell upon himself, he noticed a small glimmer, something between relief and hope. Without hesitating, Kaoru jumped up and pulled the other into his arms, whispering faintly. "Welcome back."
That broke down the barriers completely, and Die simply clutched the other and broke down crying. He hadn't cried in the isolation cell, he hadn't cried when Yamada had plainly used him, but now that he was back with his friend again, it all broke free and he couldn't hold back the tears and frantic sobbing.
Swallowing hard against the rising lump in his throat, Kaoru tightened his hold on the other man, soothingly caressing his back. But when Die's tears didn't subside, sobs shaking his body violently, he took his head in both hands and kissed him chastely, only lips on lips. His mind was blank from other thoughts than the terror the other must have experienced to break down like this.
A soft gasp escaped the redhead as he felt the other's lips on his. They felt soft, unbelievably soft. A calming blankness invaded his mind as he only concentrated on the feeling of the other's lips slightly moving against his own, forgetting the terror of past days at least for the time being.
Kaoru was acting like in a haze, only focusing on soothing the other man, on giving him some comfort after the long time without human contact. Slowly, he moved him to his bunk and made him first sit, then gently pushed him to lie down. His heart was racing when he crawled next to him, caressed his cheeks and bowed his head to kiss him again.
Die was still clutching the other's shirt, but the closeness made him slowly relax. He held his eyes closed, concentrating on the way the other was kissing him chastely, and on the warmth they shared. He felt that the numbness inside him was fading slowly, the cold emptiness turned into something more alive again.
The fact that Die hadn't showered in days, that his hair was greasy and sticky when Kaoru ran his fingers through it, didn't matter to him. He simply didn't care. After some time, when the other man slowly relaxed and the time for simply soothing him was up, Kaoru had to admit that he enjoyed being close to him like that. He enjoyed touching him, feeling his lips on his own and feeling the others increasing heartbeat.
Slowly Die allowed himself to believe that this was really happening, and the fact that he was with the other again made him happier than he would've thought was possible. A big part of him hoped that this moment would never end, and that he could stay there close to Kaoru forever, simply kissing each other.
Still making himself believe that everything he did was just meant to comfort his friend, Kaoru slipped his hands inside the other's shirt and slowly caressed his soft sides. Coevally, he tested his luck and licked across Die's lush bottom lip, hoping not to get too far with this and praying that the other would open his mouth for him.
Instinctively, not even thinking, the redhead parted his lips and allowed the other to deepen the soft contact. He moved a bit closer even, seeking for more warmth and closeness, to make the coldness from inside of him melt completely.
The gentle kiss caused Kaoru's heartbeat to speed up until it felt like bursting his chest. They were moving in silent stipulation, not exchanging a single word. And thinking back, Kaoru had to see that he had never felt so close to somebody before in his life.
Time didn't matter as neither of them knew how long they were just kissing each other, exchanging gentle touches and communicating only through them without a word being said.
Like naturally, Kaoru rolled up the redhead's shirt, finally pulling it over his head. Still, no word left his lips when he moved his hand down to the button of the other's pants. After reassuring himself by stealing another kiss, he removed that garment as well, leaving the closeness only for as long as it took to discard the jeans to the floor.
Die was moving like in a haze, his fingers toying with the hem of the other's shirt before tugging it upwards. He had no clear reasons in his mind, he only wanted to feel Kaoru's skin against his, to be there close to him.
Feeling the other man's hot breath ghosting over his face, his smooth skin against his own, touched a part deep inside the smaller man which he had stubbornly denied for such a long time already. But that night, he granted himself the simple happiness of not thinking about it, of just enjoying the magical moment. In wrapping his arms around Die's neck, he pressed their bodies close together and initiated another tender kiss.
Slowly the kiss evolved into something deeper, something almost desperate as they both needed it equally much. They were as close against each other as possible, but still Die felt he wanted to get closer somehow. His fingers were in the other's hair, ensuring that the kiss wouldn't be broken suddenly.
Kaoru's ears were deaf to the usual noises of the night that were filling the air. All he heard was the beating of their hearts, the heavy respiration of the man in his arms. And all he felt was Die's tongue in his mouth, his hands in his hair and his body so close, filling his insides with warmth he thought had been lost forever. Slowly, his body was reacting to the closeness and caused him to release a quiet sigh into the kiss.
The redhead's body was reacting as well, and he couldn't hold back small sighs that fell from his lips but were muffled by the kiss. He was blind for everything else but the other there close to him, didn't spare any part of his consciousness for anything else. His fingers had been moving along the other's side, and without rethinking it again, he let his hand travel further down to the other's groin.
The touch elicited a needy groan that finally broke the kiss. Easily, Kaoru stopped Die by grabbing his wrists. But before he could break the magical moment with saying a word, Kaoru quickly pecked his lips and then removed his pants.
A soft smile was dancing on Die's lips as he looked the other in the eye. As soon as all the clothes were gotten rid of, he pulled Kaoru closer again, kissing him and finishing what he had intended with guiding his hand back down. All the time he was purely acting on instinct, banning the conscious thoughts away from his mind.
Kaoru mirrored the smile, but it ceased as soon as he felt the touch on his bare arousal. Although Die had touched him like that several times before, there was something new to it, something that caused a forceful shudder to run through his body along with another soft moan to spill from his lips. Always making sure to stay as close to the other man as possible, he let his hands roam down Die's chest, over his lower stomach and further to pay him back the same way.
Die had to close his eyes as he felt the other man's hand on his length, sending an electric shiver through him. A low moan erupted from him, and he couldn't help but to instinctively move his hips forward, trying to get more of the contact.
Their movements were slow and gentle, sharing tender touches and deep kisses. It was exactly what both men needed, what they had been craving for and now provided for the other. They were acting like one being, inhaling when the other did, their quiet moans mixing in the air. Finally, they were climaxing together; sharing the moment of bliss, of being engulfed by pure pleasure that completed the moment and made it special.
Even afterwards Die staid as close to the other as possible, not caring for their sticky bodies. There was a smile on his lips for the first time in more than a week, and it was the first time he felt warm, felt like he might still be able to go on with his life since he had something, someone, to live for.
It was more than gratitude, more than the will to still comfort the redhead, when Kaoru wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly. At that moment, he never wanted to let go, would have given everything to always lie together like this. Twined with the other man, his head pillowed in the crook of Die's shoulder, he finally fell asleep.
The redhead staid awake longer, listening to the other's heartbeat in the darkness. It had a comforting effect on him, and eventually he drifted off as well, holding on to the other man even when asleep.