(no subject)

[rabenhorst]

Title: untitled so far
Author: fonulyn
Rating: NC17 overall
Pairing: Kaoru and Die
Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do NOT get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: Slightly AU, and it’s my first multi-chapter story! *bounces excitedly* Heh, and if you have any suggestions for the name it would be really nice. So far they’re only ‘Part I’, ‘Part II’ etc.

Please tell me what you think^^


Part I: Dead Moon Rising
Kaoru’s point of view

It was a rainy day, once again. Probably it was all it did those days, rained. Of course I’m not made of sugar, and a bit of rain won’t hurt anyone, but still when it has rained for two weeks continuously I always begin to hate rain. Then I show how I feel by locking myself into my apartment, burying myself under the blankets and just being there, hidden from the cruel world. Too bad I have to go to work too. Otherwise I would stay there for the whole winter and wait for nicer weather to come.

I had been lurking inside for three days already, so I decided I was in serious need to go outside. I had a luxurious two week off from work, and I had really no plans what to do with it. After taking a shower and drying my dark hair I dressed in a dark shirt and tight jeans, those always made me look even leaner than I am, and I know I look good in those. I didn’t bother to take an umbrella, but soon noticed that it had been a bad idea since the rain kept on pouring on me.

As I reached my destination, a local bar I used to go often, my hair was dripping wet and so were my clothes. I headed straight for the men’s room to check the majority of the damage done to my appearance, and cursed like an old sailor once I saw how terrible I looked. It’s not like my looks would be the most important thing to me, but I definitely didn’t want to make a fool of myself, and that was exactly what I was doing right now. Cursing loudly again I tried to soothe my hair and make it look t least decent, so I would be able to go there and face the world.

Thankfully the bar was dimly lit, and therefore not many people noticed my miserable state as I walked out of the men’s room and to the counter. The bartender, an old friend of mine, knew what I wanted without asking and almost as soon as I had seated myself I found myself staring at an inviting drink. Not for long, however, as I downed it in a second, waiting for another.

The alcohol made me relax slowly, and I even turned to look at the bar for a while. There were a few people I knew, and I greeted them with a friendly nod. However I wasn’t particularly in the mood for some idle chitchat and so I just staid on my seat beside the counter and sipped on my drink, slower this time.

I had fully prepared to spend the night on my own, since not often I bumped into some people who wanted to follow me to my apartment or take me to theirs for some moments alone. Or there would’ve been women that were more than willing to share their bed with me, I am not bad looking if I may say so myself. The thing just was that I didn’t really want a woman’s company since I had a long ago noticed that I preferred male company during intimate situations.

A nice way to say I’m gay, isn’t it? Well, however there weren’t so many free gay men around that I would’ve got to go home with one every time I went to a bar. Of course every now and then I got lucky, but those were mostly one night stands and I had never even wanted to meet most of them again. Maybe it was something in me, but I didn’t feel the need to get any long term relationships.

My train of thought was roughly interrupted as I sensed a presence beside me. Someone sat there right on the next seat, and naturally that caught my curiosity. There was plenty of room in the bar, why would that someone want to sit beside me. There was only one way to find out, and so I turned my head so I could take a good look at the one beside me.

How I was surprised! That was most probably the most attractive man I had seen in a long time. He had dyed some red in his dark hair that looked like he hadn’t really bothered to comb it or anything. He was dressed in a pair of baggy jeans and a plain t-shirt, but somehow the casual look made him look even more attractive. Although his appearance wasn’t really neat and thought through, he emitted some carefree charm that made the style somewhat suit him.

This was what I saw with my first glance. Then I looked again, and began to notice some things about him and his features. He didn’t seem to notice me, and so I had time to let my gaze wander over his lush lips and roundish nose to his delicate eyebrows and back again, along his jawline to his neck.

“Is there something you like in particular?”

I startled a bit, I hadn’t realized I had been staring that obviously. A grin had appeared on those lips of his I had been admiring, and when I looked up I noticed that he was now looking straight at me. Did I already mention that I have never seen such an enchanting pair of eyes as his? If I did, I’ll just say it again, since I really felt like I could drown in those.

“I’m not sure yet. Maybe I should think about it longer.”

I’m sure my grin was as wide as his, and I tilted my head a bit to look better at him. There was a sparkle in his eyes as he took a sip of his drink and turned to me again, his eyes smiling along with the rest of him.

“But I guess I’m leaving, since my glass is empty already.”

There was no way one could miss the suggestiveness that was laced in his voice, and I had to even chuckle a bit before answering. Casually I reached my hand up and gestured for the bartender to come as I had already decided I’d buy this divine creature something to drink.

“We can fix that. I wouldn’t want you to leave yet when we just met. And I definitely wouldn’t want you to leave without me.”

Now it was his turn to chuckle, and he shook his head a bit so that the red bangs swayed slightly from side to side. That small gesture had a surprisingly strong affect on me, and I found myself staring at him once again.

“Then buy me a drink and we’ll see how things turn out.”

I was more than willing to comply, and soon there was a new drink in front of him. He rewarded me with his wide smile, and I instantly had to smile too. That smile was really infectious, and it would’ve probably been impossible not to smile.

We had a few drinks together, talking and laughing about something that I don’t remember anymore. I spent the most of my time just listening to his smooth voice without realizing what he was saying, staring at his lips as they moved and his eyes as the sparkle never left them. By now I definitely knew that I wanted him, and if I interpreted that look he had in his eyes, he wasn’t reluctant, far from it.

It was already long in the night when he finally got up, immediately winking at me. I had several times hinted that I would be glad to take him home with me that night, and I guess he was the kind who takes subtle and not-so-subtle hints.

“Will you show me the way to your apartment then?”

Immediately I stood up from my seat and downed the rest of my drink in one swift movement. I had no intentions in letting this chance flow by unused, and I wanted to make sure he didn’t have enough time to re-think it over and change his mind. I know I’m a selfish bastard, but I don’t remember when I last wanted someone so badly.

“Just follow me.”

I showed him my most charming smile, and even offered my arm although I was completely sure he wouldn’t touch it. So my mouth dropped slightly open as he linked his arm with mine, smiling ravishingly at me and even leaning a bit closer. He apparently had no problems in showing off in public that we were going to leave together, in every meaning of the word.

For some reason I felt a bubbling joy in my chest as we walked off together. Not only because I knew I was probably about to get laid, but because it was him I got to leave with.

For once life felt good.

*****



Part II: Burn
Die’s point of view

I did it often. Picked men from the bars and left with them to have my fun for the night. So it shouldn’t have been anything different this time, but when he offered his arm to me I somehow felt like I was something special, more than a cheap fuck to him. Then again, I discarded the thought quite soon as unnecessary one. If the pleasure was all I wanted from this, then why should I waste my time thinking how he felt like with me and what he thought about me.

Frankly, I quite enjoyed the stares the other customers gave us. So I held my head up high and flashed a few smiles around when my gaze happened to meet with someone’s. Our moment in glory was short though, and soon we were outside. I looked around if he had a car or something, but it seemed that wasn’t the case. However to make sure I directed a questioning glance at him.

“You live far away?”

The answer was a headshake and a friendly, maybe a bit apologizing smile. I really liked that smile of his, how it made his angular face look even more original, and how I lit up his eyes with a sparkle. I was really fond of his facial features after such a short time we had known each other. Especially his cheeks and his nose, for some reason. Someone might’ve thought they weren’t beautiful in classic way, but I think that being original is always attractive.

“I walked here. But if it’s a problem, we can call a cab.”

I smiled at the offer, shaking my head a bit. No, I wouldn’t definitely mind some walking if the way was short. It was actually quite a nice night, as the rain had stopped and now there was just the distant memory of it lingering in the air.

The walk wasn’t long, and quite soon I found myself on his doorstep as he fumbled with the keys to get the door opened. I waited patiently and as soon as he held the door open for me I stepped in and eyed my surroundings. It looked quite nice there, clean and all, unlike my own apartment. However I didn’t spend much time home so I didn’t care that much. As we arrived to the living-room he turned to smile at me again.

“Want to have a drink?”

I suppressed a light chuckle. Oh no, I didn’t want to have a drink, not at all. I wanted him, and that would be totally sufficient at the moment. Slowly I moved closer to him, and as I could sense his slight nervousness I began with closing him into a warm embrace. Tilting my head I nibbled slightly on his neck. As he sighed slightly and relaxed against me, I took it as a hint that I was allowed to go on, and ghosted my lips across his skin to his lips.

Honestly, I had been waiting for the chance to kiss him for the whole evening, and now that our lips met it was more than what I had imagined. Moving my mouth against his I deepened the kiss, quickly slipping my hands under his shirt to feel his soft skin against my fingertips. A soft mewl left his throat as I tilted his head to deepen the contact even more.

Hastily our hands moved on each other’s bodies, ripping and tugging on the disturbing garments. Soon both out shirts were lying discarded on the floor, and he began to pull me towards the bedroom. So, conservatively on the bed? I had nothing against it, that’s not the case, anything as long as we’d get it on.

I hesitated a bit as we reached the bed’s edge, since I didn’t know if he would prefer being the top or the bottom. Carefully I let our bodies fall to the bed, me on top of him and ready to switch places if he gave even the smallest hint to that direction. Basically I didn’t care, for I enjoyed it both ways. All answer I got from him though was an approving mewl and his fingers tangled in my hair, pulling softly.

As soon as he began to forcefully arch up from the sheets towards me, I decided we were ready to take the next step and get rid of the rest of the clothing we still had on. He let out a disapproving whimper as I left his lips and leaned away, but I tried to calm him by smiling and simultaneously already unzipping my jeans.

“We need to get rid of these too.”

The cutest blush I’d ever seen caressed his cheeks as he turned his gaze away and muttered something like ‘of course’. Probably he thought that I now considered him as a brainless idiot, but that was not the case. In my eyes he was gorgeous, and I simply couldn’t wait until I would get to feel him completely.

There was really no hurry to be seen in my movements, although I tried to get rid of my pants as swiftly as possible. Still, I didn’t want to seem too eager, nor did I want to scare him away. I don’t know if it was new to him or what, but for some reason he was slow with his trousers, and the blush was still on his face as he kept his eyes downcast.

Gently I took his chin between my thumb and index finger, and leaned close to press a soft kiss on his lips. Smiling as calmingly as possible I looked him straight in the eye, hoping that he wouldn’t want to back off now that I was already hard and ready to go.

“Something wrong?”

It seemed as if the blush even deepened a bit, but he only smiled and leaned to kiss me again. I interpreted it as his way to say that everything was just fine, and so I decided to give him a hand with undressing. With my talented help it didn’t take long before his jeans were discarded somewhere beside the bed and he was lying there in all his naked glory, eyes closed and utterly inviting.

I’m only telling the truth if I say that there hadn’t been anyone I would’ve considered more attractive before. I mean, there was something in him that made me want him, and no one else would be able to smother that burning fire inside of me. There’s the main reason, along with the fact that my body was aching in need, why I didn’t waste a second anymore and crawled to the bed on top of him, simultaneously grinding our hips together, the connection making both of us gasp.

“You have lube? And we need a condom too.”

Although the question seemed to break the comfortable silence it had to be asked, since it definitely was an important question. I saw the slight confusion in his eyes as he blinked a few times, obviously trying to focus on the real world for the moment. Then he nodded towards the small bedside table.

“In the top drawer.”

Reluctantly I left him with one last kiss and rolled to the side, reaching my hand to rummage through the drawer. It was neatly organized and it only took me a few seconds before I had gained the objects I had been looking for, and I was able to roll back to him. Engaging his lips in a deep kiss I poured some of the lubricant to my fingers, immediately slipping two digits inside of him and scissoring them to find the right spot to brush over.

I knew I had found what I was looking for as he let out a rather surprised groan and arched up from the mattress, his hands finding their way into my hair. The long kiss broke as he began to gasp for air, the blush on his cheeks this time caused only by excitement and need. Swiftly I retreated my fingers, rolling the condom on my arousal and coating it with lube before positioning myself to his entrance.

“Relax. And tell me if it hurts too much.”

My voice was soft, although I had some troubles with my ragged breathing at that moment. Not capable of waiting any more I moved my hips forwards, thrusting deep into him. The heat and tightness made me close my eyes, and my mouth hung open in desperate attempts to fill my lungs with air. The feeling of his muscles adjusting around me was indescribable, something that almost drove me over the edge at that instant.

Quite soon the pained frown faded from his face and he took a long, a bit shaky breath before moving his hips slightly against me, urging me to move. I complied, pulling back and slamming back in at a slow pace, still trying to fight the lust that clouded my mind so that I wouldn’t hurt him too badly. A series of groans was spilling from his throat, mixing with the sounds I made myself although I wasn’t conscious that I was doing that.

Rapidly we both neared the completion, and at some point I had laced my fingers around his length, moving my hand along it to provide him with the utmost feelings of bliss. Sweat was beading on our skins, somehow making all this feel more real, and not like I was trapped in some dream, a fantasy formed by my overly active imagination.

I don’t have any accurate memories of the following moments, all I know is that it was pure ecstasy, something so pleasurable I hardly ever had gone through. And that doesn’t mean I would be inexperienced or something, it just was something special for no real obvious reason. I remember that at one point his muscles started clenching and he screamed out his release, tensing for a split second.

Only a moment later I followed him, my climax hitting like a white blaze and washing away my whole consciousness. Blame me for being overly dramatic, but that’s how I felt. It was like being born again, and left me breathless for several moments as I collapsed on top of him, barely able to pull out.

On some level I sensed his fingers in my hair, and the touch was oddly calm and caring, something else I wouldn’t have expected. Panting, we laid there for several moments, silent and not even exchanging a word. Slowly his breathing got steadier and he seemed to drift off to sleep, at least judging by the way his chest moved in steady rhythm.

I allowed myself to enjoy the embrace for a moment longer before I carefully got up, eager not to wake him. My movements were ridiculously slow, as if I tried to hold on to the moment for every possible second. Still, I was soon on my feet and pulled on my only a bit wrinkled jeans, not caring that I was dirty and stained with his seed.

In the search for my shirt I moved to the other room, and noticed that I still could look at him through the opened door. Somehow he looked so fragile just lying there, unconscious and unaware of things happening around him. My gaze staid locked on his figure all the time as I dressed fully, laced my shoes and took the few steps to the door. Reluctantly I tore my gaze off him and looked at the door, my hand already on the handle.

I didn’t like the odd insecureness inside of myself. I didn’t like it at all, I shouldn’t be feeling like this in the first place.

Turning around I threw the last glance at his sleeping face before opening the door and stepping outside to the cold morning.

**********




Part III: Vengeance Is Mine
Kaoru’s point of view

It was late in the morning when I woke up, shifting restlessly on my bed. Slowly I forced my eyes open to look at the place beside me. I couldn’t help but to sigh disappointedly as I saw I was alone. Somehow I had known to expect this, I had seen it coming. Still a part of me had hoped that he would still be there and smile at me as I wake up.

Naïve and stupid of me, I know. I shook my head as it was quite frustrating since I had no idea why I reacted the way I did. It was completely expected and logical that he would leave, if not while I slept then at least right in the morning. So I had no reason to be so pissed off as I was now that I woke up alone and cold.

I wanted him. I really mean it, with every meaning of the word. Be greedy and selfish, but I hated the mere imagination about him with others and I wanted that nearly perfect form to belong to me and me only. There wasn’t much I could do though, after all he hadn’t even told me his name, neither had I told him mine. Sitting there I rummaged through my brain to find a good solution, something wise to do.

Few hours passed and I took a shower, got dressed and even ate a bit, but my thoughts never left the redhead and how I could get him back. My behaviour was getting a bit stalkerish, and the thought forced a grin to my lips, but still I didn’t have any intentions in letting go of my plans. The most logical thing I had come up with was that since he seemed to be like at home in bars, I could try to ask around if people knew him. I was sure that he would draw attention to himself, and therefore the task didn’t seem so impossible.

It turned out that I had been right. In the first bar I went into, the bartender knew his name and told me the places he used to go most often. Then after a short round and after bribing a few people with cheap drinks I found out quite a lot small fact about him. Like he preferred raw whiskey to any kind of drinks, and how he always sat alone for a few moments before choosing his company for the night. It really seemed that he chose, and everyone was willing to comply. Maybe it was partly his unbelievable charm that I was so eager to find him again.

I got one warning too. One guy told me that I shouldn’t try to find him again, and that he’d find me if he wanted to see me again. It was his way to function, I was told, he was apparently trying to keep himself in control of situations. Anyway, it didn’t take me long before I found out that he worked in a ware house nearby, and so I headed there, intending on bothering him as long as it took to make him promise me another date.

There wasn’t many people at the warehouse when I arrived, and it was really easy to spot him in the farmost corner, apparently fighting with a large box, trying to balance it on top of another. I stood a bit further away for a moment, waiting for him to get his task ready before I raised my voice to cut through the silence.

“Die.”

He turned to look at me, a bit surprised since I knew his name although he hadn’t mentioned it. His features looked simply irresistible when he was completely puzzled, and so I rewarded him with a smile, and tilted my head before explaining.

“I shortly described you in the bar, and there were many who seemed to know you. You must’ve left an impression.”

If my eyes were correct he blushed slightly, looking a bit embarrassed. Was it because he hadn’t told me his name after such intimate moment, or that I otherwise made him uneasy, I don’t know, but I have to admit that I liked the way his cheeks got their deep red colour. It might also be that he thought my stalkerish behaviour was too intimidating.

In any case, I only stood there, smiling ravishingly and looking straight at him. It was perfectly clear that he tried to figure out what to say, but wasn’t very successful. Still, I waited patiently, since I thought it was up to him to say something now.

“Why did you do that?”

Finally he managed to stutter out the question that probably had been burning on his tongue straight from the beginning. I waited a moment before answering, since a part of me enjoyed the fact that he was feeling uneasy. It was a payback of some sort, and I felt justified to make him feel a bit nervous since he had put me through all those mixed up feelings in the morning when I noticed him gone.

“I wanted to.”

I couldn’t hold my answer forever, but when I finally gave it he didn’t seem satisfied. His eyes were still full of questions and he wanted me to answer those. I wasn’t sure how much I should give away of my thoughts, since I wasn’t fully aware of them myself either. This time it was him who didn’t say a thing and only waited for me to go on. I guess I deserved it in a way.

“I want to take you out today. When are you off from work?”

Straight to the point, I complimented myself for that. Another thing I took great enjoyment of was his expression as he stared at me with his mouth hanging slightly open. I, however, only smiled calmly, probably looking like I was the most confident man on earth. Still I couldn’t help that my heart sped up a bit, and I even slightly held my breath as I waited for his answer. Then it came. The most relieving grin I’ve ever seen.

“In fifteen minutes. Will you wait?”

I nodded, the smile still on place. Where would I’ve gone anyway? I was there only for one reason, and that was to get him back home with me and make him see that he was far better with me than without. At this point I was starting to sound like a character in a romance movie in my thoughts, but I couldn’t have cared less.

To be exact, he was standing there before me after twenty minutes, smiling at me and ready to leave. I took him to a nice, cosy but cheap restaurant and I think we both enjoyed it quite a lot in fact. After we had both finished eating we walked around a bit, talking about stuff. Neither of us talked very much though, somehow we felt so much at ease with each other that it wasn’t necessary even.

Again I took him to my place, and stopped right when we were at the front door, smiling at him. I didn’t want him to feel threatened or anything, and I knew I had been acting a bit weirdly since I looked him up again and all.

“Wanna come in?”

The answer was a wide smile again. I had learnt to like that smile quite a lot, it held something enchanting and made me feel irrationally happy for some reason.

“Of course. I thought you’d never ask.”

I opened the door and gestured for him to go in first. Everything was going by my plan, and I knew I had him where I wanted for the moment at least. Now I would really be able to try and make him mine. For once and for all.

**********



Part IV: Drain Me
Kaoru’s point of view


As soon as we went in I threw him forcefully against the wall, pressing my body against his and grinding our hips together. Hungrily my lips sought for his, and finally I managed to engage us in a deep open mouthed kiss. I was very target orientated, and my goal was to make him feel so good that he would learn to know the same need I was going through.

Why is it that I always manage to sound this desperate, pathetic and pompous when I talk about him? I already admitted that I was beginning to get obsessed with him, quite desperately even. Still, what can I do? It’s not every day you manage to stumble across a person as captivating as he is. He isn’t the most handsome person in the world, but the way he just is makes him so attractive.

“Now, move your ass to the bedroom.”

My voice was just a husky whisper, and I grabbed his shirt to yank him away from the wall and into the bedroom. He stumbled a bit with his long legs, since I forced him to walk backwards, and I did my best to distract him with licking and nibbling the skin below his ear. It didn’t take long before we reached the bed and fell down to it with a thump, me on top of him.

For some moments we only concentrated on grinding out growing arousals together and exchanging kisses and touches, the passion growing with each movement of our bodies. Between two feverish kisses he suddenly turned his head away so that my lips met his cheek instead of his mouth. I didn’t mind though, and only began to nibble along the soft skin, down to his neck.

“Don’t you think now that you know my name you could share yours?”

I have to admit that I startled a bit, for I truly hadn’t realized that I hadn’t even told him my name yet. Turning to him I saw his small happy grin, as he looked at me with sparkling eyes. There was nothing else to do than to answer the grin with one of my own, and I hastily planted a small kiss on his jaw before retreating again and answering to his question.

“Kaoru.”

I earned an approving nod and a slightly pondering expression, and he seemed to think if the name fit me or not. Although I still wanted him, almost painfully, I had nothing against this moment too for it somehow felt like it bound us together. Wistful thinking probably, but it’s nice to live in a land of dreams every now and then. At least for a moment I can think there’s something deeper there.

“Just ‘Kaoru’, no surnames or anything?”

His voice made me snap out of the slight trance I had fallen into, and my smile widened as I nodded, confirming my earlier words. Exchanging names usually is something people do automatically when they meet, but in our case it felt like it was something special, something more meaningful. Again, call me a dreamer and I’ll admit it.

“Just ‘Kaoru’. It’s enough.”

He nodded, before leaning up and giving me a brief kiss. It seemed he was done questioning, as he engaged another kiss as soon as the first ended, simultaneously bucking up against me. As soon as he grinded our bodies together I was reminded of the aching need between my legs, and I had to close my eyes to the pleasure the slight friction caused. Judging by the gasp that fell from his parted lips he felt the same, and instantly arched up again to repeat his action.

Almost desperately I fumbled with the button of my jeans, dragging them down as soon as I had got them opened. I pulled away from him to get rid of my clothes as quickly as I was able to, but he was apparently faster than me for he was already lying there inviting in his bareness when I crawled close again. Leaning in I pressed a hungry kiss on his mouth while moving my hand to his groin, softly palming his arousal.

I was rewarded with a rather audible moan as he threw his head backwards, moving his hips to the touch. I couldn’t prevent a grin to rise to my lips as this was exactly what I had wanted, exactly what I had waited for. Seeing his features twist while he was lost in pleasure like this was something I quickly learned to yearn for. I would’ve probably only continued like that, savouring his expressions and the soft sounds falling from his lips, but he suddenly gripped my wrist, making me stop.

“Why don’t you just do it… Kaoru.”

I loved the way my name rolled off his tongue, it sounded like the word held so much more besides just the fact that it was my name. His eyes sought for mine, and in his gaze I saw need that equalled my own, and what was I to deny him his wish? I had been prepared well, and it took me only a small moment to grab the tube of lubricant from beside us. Wasting no more seconds I poured some of the lube on my fingers and slipped two of them instantly inside of him.

The low groan that fell from his lush lips sent shiver down my spine and it immediately forced me to close my eyes to fight back the enormous wave of lust that threatened to blind my senses. He was already moving back against my digits, but I inserted third one just to be sure I wouldn’t hurt him too badly. As the sounds he was emitting began to get a more frustrated sound I withdrew my fingers, positioning myself on his entrance instead.

I looked into his eyes, and almost already spoke what was on my mind before I changed my mind. I was going to tell him that I would stop if it would be too painful, and that he should just relax so it wouldn’t feel so bad. But there was something in his eyes that told me he knew it already, so I only smiled, leaning close again to initiate yet another deep kiss when thrusting inside of him.

Almost instantly his body tensed, and I could tell his muscles were desperately trying to adjust around me. Gathering all my senses I forced myself to stay still, waiting until I felt him start to relax. When he slightly moved his hips against me I knew for sure that he considered himself ready, and it gave me the permission to move again, first slowly, then picking up the pace.

Always I had liked to be on top, but never before had I experienced anything quite like what I was going through now. I had no explanation for it, nor did I need one. I locked my gaze to his slightly flushed face, as he held his eyes closed while his mouth hung slightly open, letting the quiet moans fall freely. Unable to resist the temptation I leaned closer again, ghosting my lips over his until he subconsciously captured me in a sloppy kiss.

The heat between us increased with each movement of our bodies, as I tried to keep the thrusts at a steady rhythm although he was writhing and squirming beneath me in the waves of his passion. My own brains had almost shut themselves down, the pleasure rapidly blinding everything else from my mind and overpowering every possible clear thought. Almost instinctively I sneaked my hand between our damp bodies to lace my fingers around his hardness, stroking slowly.

The noises he made became even louder as our movements grew rougher, more forceful. I could tell that he wasn’t much further from the peak than I was, and I was determined to send us both over the edge as simultaneously as I would be able to. Increasing the intensity of my ministrations on his arousal I slammed in even quicker and deeper, the action resulting in both of us groaning quite loudly, our voices mingling together.

Then it hit me, one of the most forceful climaxes I have ever experienced, making my whole being tense and my muscles clench when I came hard inside of him. He followed only seconds after me, spilling his release all over our stomachs with a feral cry of satisfaction. Panting, we collapsed into a heap of limbs on the sheets, both trying to recover from the intense bliss and still enjoying the touch of skin on skin.

It didn’t take long before the sleep overcame me. But long enough for me to linger in the blissful feelings and hope that he’d fall asleep too so he would still be here when I woke up and I wouldn’t have to go through the trouble of finding him again.

***********



Part V: For the Love I Bear
Kaoru’s point of view


The morning light cast soft shadows on his peaceful face as he slept there beside me. I had known that if I make him too tired he will sleep longer than I, and I will have the chance to still wake up with him in the morning. There just was something in him that gave away that he liked to sleep long in the mornings, until the midday maybe.

I tried hard not to wake him up, but the temptation was simply too big and I had to trace the line of his eyebrows with my index finger. He looked even more enchanting with his relaxed features if possible, and I found myself thinking how nice it would be to wake up next to him the next morning too. To wake up beside him the morning after that, for weeks, months, maybe the rest of our lives. Softly I ghosted my finger down the bridge of his nose, as I was held captive by him.

To always wake up beside him…

Wait a moment? Where did those thoughts come from? I stopped examining his face and rolled to my back, frowning since I was highly disturbed by my own thoughts. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way, nor was I supposed to sound so sappy and pathetic. Still, there had to be something behind those thoughts, they wouldn’t just come by themselves, right? Slowly I sat up, even sighing a bit for I had no idea what I was supposed to do now. I only knew that I still wanted to wake up beside him every morning from now on.

He shifted there beside me, and I turned to him only to meet a pair of opened eyes staring right back. At first he seemed to be slightly confused, but quite soon a wide smile spread across his features as he seemed to remember where he was and why he was there. I assumed that he must’ve been slightly disturbed by the fact that he hadn’t been able to flee the scenery while I slept, but he covered it well.

“Morning.”

His voice was slightly raspy due to the sleep, and I couldn’t help that it made me shiver. However, I forced the most carefree and happy smile to my lips, trying to look like there was nothing bothering in the whole situation for me.

“Morning.”

For a long moment we just staid still, both smiling and neither of us saying a word. It was a bit awkward, but not as uncomfortable as I had thought it would be. After all, he still saw me as a guy who he had just spent the night with two times now. For all I knew, there was nothing that would’ve made him want to stay, and I just waited for him to say what I knew he would say next.

“Well, I’d better get going.”

There it came. ‘I’d better get going.’ I didn’t say a word still, nor did I move. I simply continued looking at him. For a while he looked like he actually waited for a reply, but then he interpreted my silence so that I had nothing to say, and he silently sat up. Moving to the edge of the bed he moved his feet to touch the floor and stood up, my eyes never leaving his form. At that point I was still trying to figure out what to say, and I watched in silence as he dressed himself and finally took a tentative step towards the door, giving me an apologetic glance. That was the last kick I needed.

“I don’t want you to go.”

He froze in his movement, staring at me like I was somehow mentally challenged. Nervously glancing a bit to his sides, he staid there silently, apparently waiting for me to possibly go on. But I didn’t. I just stared straight at him, trying to catch his gaze with my own and waited for what his reaction would be. So I was forcing him to say something, now there would be no way for him to just walk out without a word.

“What? Well, eventually I have to.”

Smiling, still nervously, he went on, gesturing weakly with his hand. He tried to play it of like I was just asking for him to stay for a while, although in reality he knew what I meant. There had been no doubts left as my voice told it all: I wanted him to stay for longer than hours, longer than days and weeks. So I argued further.

“No, you don’t. Just stay with me.”

He didn’t move from where he was standing. I guess I was practically begging him with my eyes to stay, and he didn’t really react at all. All he did was t shift nervously, change his weight from one foot to another and back while chewing on his bottom lip. He still decided to play he didn’t understand what I meant.

“Stay with you? Like for how long?”

There it was now. The ultimate question in our situation. I mean, if I would now confess to him that I wanted him completely, it would be like taking the final step over the cliff and see if he would save me or not. It took me a few moments of collecting my courage but then I managed to spit it out.

“For good.”

He froze, standing there like petrified. There I had admitted I wanted him for always, and he clearly didn’t know how to react to it. I have no idea what was going on in that pretty head of his, but I could tell he was thinking of what I just said, for his expression was utterly confused, even terrified.

I have to say that his nervousness was contagious, and I was beginning to feel completely nervous myself too. Shifting uncomfortably on the bed I reached to the nightstand to a pack of cigarettes, pulling out one and lighting it immediately after I managed to find a lighter too. Taking a long drag of the cig I turned to look at him again, only to find him standing exactly the way he had been standing a moment ago when I turned away.

Finally he moved, turning to the door and it got the first reaction out of me. I reached my hand out towards him, raiding my voice simultaneously.

“You can’t just leave like this.”

He turned to look at me again, unbelieving look in his big, beautiful eyes. I guess I had surprised him with my possessiveness, for he was still clearly nervous and even seemed to be frustrated because of his own insecurity or because of my behaviour. His voice sounded odd, even a bit hysterical when he spoke.

“I can’t leave!? Do you honestly think that after getting laid twice I would be willing to share my whole life with someone I hardly even know!?”

His eyes were flaming with something I interpreted as anger, and the clenching of his fists was clearly visible although he held his hands in his pockets. I had long ago forgotten my cigarette that now burned alone on the ashtray, a bit of smoke rising higher from where it laid. I had predicted that he’d react a bit like this, but this was angrier than what I saw coming.

“Well, no.”

I answered, giving my voice an offended tone although in reality that was exactly what I had thought. Still, I couldn’t admit it to him, could I? He already thought I was completely insane. It wasn’t possible for me to now explain to him how in my mind everything would work out fine and I never had really thought about reality, about how it more likely would turn out.

Always I’ve had this a bit romantic side in me that is willing to believe such things like soulmates or love at first sight. This wasn’t necessarily that strong, at least for the time being, but I had a definite feeling that this would evolve into something more serious and stable than anything I had shared with another person before. The problem was only to make him see it too, to make him realize how there were sparkles flying between us and how it really was electricity of some sort.

I was so much puzzled, that maybe a bit shocked because of the situation, that I didn’t even notice first that he didn’t reply anything. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, obviously trying to say something but never succeeded in it. This looked bad, I had no doubts of it anymore. Now I wouldn’t probably ever see him again, he’d make sure of it.

“This is fucking weird. I’m getting out of here.”

He didn’t even give me time to react before he rushed through the door, leaving it slightly ajar behind him. So this was it, right? He definitely had just left me standing here alone and with no hope for the relationship I had somehow become obsessed with. Things weren’t supposed to go this way! I have always been proud of managing my life how I wanted it, but now when I really wanted something it suddenly slipped away from my reach.

I didn’t know whether to yell and kick the walls in rage or cry my eyes out. The confusing mixture of feelings inside of me was something completely new, and I definitely hated it. I would’ve hated him too if I wouldn’t have happened to love him instead. Above all I felt lost, since I had no idea what to do next. I felt cold, like the warmth had just escaped through that open door along with him.

How could he be so cold? Or then again, why should he something else but cold. We never agreed on having any form of relationship, we ever agreed on anything else but to have fun together. Did we even agree on that? I guess it only happened too.

Now I would just have to learn how to live with the situation. I definitely wouldn’t try to search him again, since that would make him hate me even more. That was the last thing I needed. Sighing I lit another cigarette and went to close the door properly. Somehow it felt like closing door in my soul too, if I’m allowed to speak figuratively.

A romantic fool.

***********



Part VI: One More Day
Die’s point of view


I couldn’t help but to feel completely satisfied when I woke up. I mean, I was so utterly comfortable and this strange feeling of peace lingered in me. Blinking a few times I got my eyes opened, and immediately froze for a brief second as I saw who was sitting on the bed beside me. My heart sped up a bit, in a good way even, and I tried to stay unmoving so that he wouldn’t notice I’m awake. I simply wanted to watch him.

The moment went on for some seconds still, but all too soon he turned a bit to look at me. I can’t deny that it was a welcomed sight too, his eyes were so deep and enchanting that I could’ve stared at them for who knows how long. Almost instantly I created a wide smile, hoping it would convince him that I was perfectly confident with the situation. That’s the way, cover up your confusion with a winning smile.

“Morning.”

I was surprised how steady my voice was, although I had just woken up. He smiled at me happily, completely stunningly in my opinion. However, I quickly forced the incoherent thoughts to the back of my skull, trying to just forget them and normalize the situation.

“Morning.”

He answered with that beautiful smile still on his face. I bet we were both equally confused, for the different reasons maybe, since we just staid there staring at each other with similar dumb smiles. I waited for him to say something, for some reason I didn’t want to get up just yet. But as the silence went on and on I couldn’t take it anymore, and decided it was my job to break it.

“Well, I’d better get going.”

I had thought that this statement would get some sort of reaction out of him, but to my slight disappointment he said nothing still, only sat there without moving an inch, barely blinking at all. My nervousness went up with each silent moment, so I decided he agreed as he didn’t at least say anything that would’ve made me doubt it. I slid to the edge of the bed, getting on my feet as I began to search for my clothes with my eyes.

My garments were scattered all over the floor, and for some reason I felt a tiny bit uncomfortable there when I had to stand up with nothing to cover my form, especially when I felt his eyes on me. As quickly as I was able to without seeming all too rushing and eager to go I got into my clothes, the oppressive silence still lingering there between us. As I was ready, I took a step towards the door, but something made me hesitate and I turned to look at him a bit apologetically.

“I don’t want you to go.”

I froze. What had he just said? I felt like I might be reading into the situation a bit too much, but he sounded like he never wanted me to go. He wasn’t just talking about this very moment. For some reason it disturbed me in a way I had never imagined it could’ve felt. I was actually scared. So I decided the best to do would try and pretend like I didn’t comprehend what he had just said.

“What? Well, eventually I have to.”

Nervously he chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, apparently trying to come up with a reply. I guess we were both nervous, and the slight tension that was lingering in the room definitely didn’t make anything easier. I found myself almost holding my breath as I waited for his reply.

“No, you don’t. Just stay with me.”

I still didn’t move, as I didn’t completely believe what I was just hearing. He wanted me to stay with him. His eyes were begging me, I wasn’t even sure what he was hoping from me. I just couldn’t give him utter devotion and commitment if that was what he was after.

“Stay with you? Like for how long?”

He flinched a bit at my question, and the silence went on for some more moments as he obviously tried to decide what to say. I was torn in half, for a part in me wanted him to confirm my suspicions and say he wanted me completely, but a lot larger part of me was simply terrified he would say that.

“For good.”

Again I froze, staying where I was, not even taking a step. I think I was even holding my breath, frantically trying to figure out what to say, what to do in the situation I suddenly found myself in. He lit a cigarette, and I just stared at it for a good moment, my mind blank from any form of thoughts, only this oppressing feeling in my chest. What to do?

My first instinct was to run, and I followed it, turning around and reaching for the doorknob. I thought that if I’d now get out of there, the whole thing would be forgotten and I could go on with my life the way I had been living it this far also. I was afraid of changes, I admit it. Suddenly his voice stopped me on my track.

“You can’t just leave like this.”

I turned around, meeting his eyes with mine. This was heading into a direction I hadn’t thought it’d go. I had to admit to myself that he was highly attractive, and I would’ve probably made an exception to my normal patterns by asking him to meet me again some time, but this was all beginning to be too much.

“I can’t leave!? Do you honestly think that after getting laid twice I would be willing to share my whole life with someone I hardly even know!?”

Slight anger was rising in me, and I didn’t even care I sounded a bit hysterical. My fists clenched slightly, as I was utterly frustrated and uncertain of what to do. The thing that made me the most angry was that I still wanted to see him again. Still, I definitely didn’t want to be possessed by him, and I saw no way in the situation to get out so that I could still have fun with him without the seriousness he obviously expected from me.

“Well, no.”

He sounded offended, but somehow I knew he was lying. He had expected me to want to stay there as much as he wanted me to. I tried to reply something, tried to tell him how he shouldn’t expect things like that from me, but all I could do was to open and close my mouth a few times. Finally I decided I needed time to think, and I should flee the scenery as soon as possible.

“This is fucking weird. I’m getting out of here.”

Swiftly I opened the door and got out, not bothering to check if I closed the door behind me or not. I stormed out, straight to my own apartment and just sat there dumbly, trying to figure out how things went this way. It was all just so new to me.

The next morning I was still as confused as before. I just couldn’t eat and couldn’t think straight, for my thoughts still lingered in the past happenings. At work everything went fine, for working distracted me so that I didn’t have the time to dwell in my mixed up thoughts. Still, as soon as I got out of there all I could think of was again the previous day.

Who the hell did he think he was, assuming that I would want to have anything to do with him in the first place? I simply didn’t want to admit to myself that I had wanted to spend time with him, and probably I had shown it with everything I’d done. The problem was, I didn’t want to be tied up to a solid relationship. I had never had one, not really, and I had simply been living my whole life moving from one night stand to another.

I really wanted to hate him. I really did. I wanted to hate him for making me feel this confused.

Then why did my thoughts wander back to those deep eyes of his, to the feeling of that silky skin on my own. It was like everything I had been was somehow now wrong. There was too much pressure for me to change and accept that things don’t always stay the same. And it made me scared.

I wandered around aimlessly along the streets, not really wanting to go home or do anything else. As I saw the bar where we had met I stopped, standing there for a long moment and just staring at those solid walls as if they could give me every answer I needed. I pushed my hands into my pockets, sighing in deep as all I was rewarded with was more questions.

Why was it so hard to just let go and forget about the whole disturbing situation now that I was finally alone again?

I continued walking, not really knowing where I was heading to. Walking somehow made me feel less restless, as I had even something to do. I didn’t know for how long I just strolled down the streets, lost deep in my thoughts until I suddenly bumped into someone. It was like heavenly guidance of some sort, that I accidentally happened to walk just there.

Soon I realized that I was staring right into a matching pair of deep eyes. He looked surprised, and I guess so did I. Neither of us had really prepared to this meeting. At that moment I decided I could at least try. Try to forget the fears and try something new with him. I still didn’t want to be tied to him completely, and I wouldn’t allow that. What I wanted was the chance to at least meet him again, maybe a few times and see what would come.

See what the world would bring to us. So I collected my courage and took the final step off the cliff.

“Kaoru. We need to talk.”

***********



Part VII: End of the Road

Kaoru’s point of view


“Kaoru. We need to talk.”

His voice sounded hard as it cut through the silence suddenly. I only bowed my head and nodded, since I had no idea what there could be to talk anymore. He had said clearly that he wanted to get the hell away from me, and there was nothing I could do to it. However I tried to smile politely and gestured towards a small cafeteria nearby.

“What about a cup of coffee while we talk?”

I had never heard my own voice sound so tiny and lost. Sill, he didn’t seem to notice my confusion and after a moment’s thoughtful silence I received an agreeing nod and he led us to the cafeteria. We seated ourselves into a dark corner table, a bit further away from the other people. The waiter came, took the orders and left, and we didn’t exchange a single word in between. He kept his eyes away from me, and I tried to keep my own eyes cast down. However I couldn’t help but to take brief glances at his face.

Every time when I let my eyes rest on his features I felt the warm feeling spread in my chest again. The emotion hadn’t died, quite the contrary. Now there was some sadness laced in it, and it pained me to be this close to him for some reason. Actually I knew the reason too, it was because I would’ve wanted to lean closer and touch him, feel his warmth against me and know he cared for me.

Now I’m beginning to sound like a middle aged woman again, am I not? I am middle aged though, so maybe I should only worry for sounding like a woman. I was getting distracted by my own incoherent thoughts and slowly shook my head to rid myself of those unneeded and unwanted traces of thought. My movement caught his attention though, and he turned those deep and emotional eyes of his towards mine.

“Something wrong?”

I guess he interpreted my gesture as a sign that I wanted to be somewhere else rather than here. In a way he was right, but on the other hand I still hadn’t completely given up hope that he might regret leaving and say he still wanted to try with me. Although the hope was fading with every passing second as he didn’t say anything at all. To his question I answered with shaking my head.

“Nothing.”

He only nodded, and averted his gaze again, and we again just sat there in silence as long as the waiter brought our coffees and left again. He took a sip of his drink and chewed on his bottom lip for a moment obviously trying to collect his thoughts. Then he slowly turned to look at me and began to speak softly, his voice barely audible.

“I have never been one to get into lasting relationships. I prefer to meet new people, have my fun with them and be on my way the next day to look for new people. That you searched me again after that first night was something that never happens to me.”

His voice staid calm and silent, and every now and then I had difficulties in following, since I had to fight to hear everything. Still, every time I tried to say something, every time I was about to interrupt he raised his hand slightly, making me stay silent and wait until he was finished.

“Then you said that you want more. You basically said you want to be the only one I’m with and you want us to become something. You said you want me to stay for good. When you said that I became scared. You have no idea how terrified I was, even when I thought that I’d maybe have something serious going on with another human being. And the thing that scared me the most was that when I thought about that possibility, it sounded quite tempting.”

A deep sigh left his lips as he got a bit frustrated, trying to explain what was going on in that pretty head of his. I however didn’t even notice that I was holding my breath, waiting for what was to come next. So it wasn’t me, there was nothing wrong with me. It was him, and the fact that he feared commitment. I didn’t have time to take the thought further, before he raised his gaze to meet my eyes again.

“I realized that I might really want to stay with you, but that would’ve meant that a whole era of my life would end there. No more going into a bar and leaving with a different person each time. No more sleeping around and getting drunk night after night. Still, would that be bad? I guess not. It’s just that it would be a big change, and I am a bit scared of changes.”

He chuckled slightly, shaking his head. Subconsciously I let a small smile appear on my face, as seeing him smile and hearing his soft laughter made my heart beat a tiny bit faster again. His next words almost passed me by unheard as I felt like drowning in his deep eyes.

“I really tried to get away from you.”

There was a soft smile curving his lips and I had to answer it by smiling myself. Somehow it made me feel relieved to know that he would’ve maybe wanted to try with me, but the fears had been too strong. I wanted just to reach my hand and caress his cheek, and promise I’d take the fears away and make things right. But who was I to promise things like that.

Suddenly his voice cut through the silence again, and I hadn’t even said a word yet. I had only been listening to him and dwelling on my own thoughts. So his question took me by surprise and I only gasped and waited for him to repeat it.

“Would you mind if I asked you out tonight?”

Would I mind? That was definitely more than I had been given hopes for. We could start with a dinner, and maybe go to movies or hit a bar together. However, in his smile I saw that he was being honest with me. Maybe I still did have hope.

Maybe this time the beauty of what we had between us would last.


***********