rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2010-11-08 02:55 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2010-11-08 02:55 pm
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Title: Fifteen Years: Part V – Worth Waiting For
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fonulyn
Rating: NC17 overall
Pairing: Toshiya/Die
Disclaimer: I own no one, only my dirty imagination.
Summary: Your life is formed by countless encounters and people who mean a lot to you, in one way or another. Sometimes all you can do is hope that all those encounters finally lead you to the point you always wanted to get to. And maybe you can enjoy the road there, on the way.
Comments:
fonulyn: So the final chapter of the story :) I hope you enjoyed the way here and I apologize for the long breaks I had with posting. I’m old and forgetful XD And now we finally get some moments with Die and Toshiya! ♥
And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Plus, the archive.
Previously happened:
Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV
Fifteen Years: Part V – Worth Waiting For
Die’s favourite time of day was the early morning, definitely. It had never been, not before Toshiya had somehow bewitched him and showed him just how enjoyable nice mornings could be when taken the right way. Which was kind of ironic, seeing that Toshiya was the sleepyhead in this relationship, and he had been the one to convince Die getting up in the early morning could be worthwhile. Already going outside when it was still almost dark, shadows lingering between the buildings and sun tentatively trying to cast its first rays over everything, was enchanting to say the least. And doing it with someone else instead of alone made it all even better. Die had grown to like everything from slow walks in the park to going jogging when the city was slowly waking up to a new day.
But his favourite type of mornings was the slow, languid ones, when there was no hurry to get up, no hurry to go anywhere, and he could just turn around in Toshiya’s arms and enjoy a few more minutes of sleep. Today was no exception, when the first rays of sun peeked through the gap in the curtains, making Die blink his eyes open, he only lazily rolled over. It never failed to make him smile when he reached out and his hand met soft, warm skin to touch. Automatically Toshiya rolled over as well, wrapping one of his long arms around Die to pull him closer into a warm embrace. This was what Die enjoyed the most, he thought distantly, as he buried his face into the bassist’s long neck and inhaled his scent deeply.
They could spend hours in bed, just dozing off half asleep, shifting every now and then but never getting too far from each other. Sometimes, often actually, it evolved into making out – neither of them minded bad morning breath, not with each other, and the mere thought made Die laugh amused – and slow lovemaking before they finally got up for some coffee. Sometimes Die would get up earlier, leaving the other man cuddle with the blankets as he fixed them both breakfast. Die was hazardous in the kitchen with sharp objects but he made the best coffee ever and his sandwiches were to die for.
Toshiya would then follow him in a while, when the scent of fresh coffee reached the bedroom finally, and sneak right up behind Die to wrap his arms around him and give him a good morning kiss. At moments like this Die enjoyed Toshiya’s habit of sleeping in the nude a bit more than he would even admit out loud.
They made it to eating breakfast, too. Eventually.
In the end how they got together was almost comical. They had been supposed to have dinner together, the whole band and no one else but them. Die had been late and when he had rushed into the restaurant, trying to get himself untangled from his scarf while searching for his friends with his gaze. He spotted Toshiya, sitting alone at a table for five, surprised as he had been so certain that he would be the last one to arrive. As he approached the table, he gave the bassist a smile, receiving one in return. “Finally! I was beginning to think I have to eat all alone.”
Die’s eyes flew wide and he stared at his friend, finally managing to tug the scarf off so he could bundle it up and stuff it into the sleeve of his jacket, before hanging the garment on the coat rack a couple of steps from the table. The good sides of eating in the corner table, you always had your clothes close to you. “Where are the guys?” He asked curiously, taking a seat across the table from Toshiya. Sitting right next to him would’ve felt kind of weird, and across the table was the next closest option. “Coming even later?”
“Nope.” Toshiya shook his head, laughing freely in this genuine way that made his nose wrinkle up and his eyes look so tiny he probably didn’t see anything. That was already enough to make Die melt, and he prayed to god or whoever might’ve been listening that no one spotted his dreamy smile. Soon enough, Toshiya distracted him by going on. “Shinya’s dog is puking nonstop and he had to take her to an emergency vet. Kyo is coming down with a cold and said he doesn’t want to risk it blooming right before the tour. And Kaoru’s wife is pissed off at him for some reason so he had to take her out to eat, just the two of them.”
“Oh.” Die nodded slowly, pursing his lips thoughtfully. “A whole bunch of coincidences.” Almost too many coincidences. Somehow it felt as if their bandmates had planned all of it, but just when he opened his mouth to point that out, the other man cut him off effectively.
“Yeah, tell me about it.” Toshiya snickered, his eyes sparkling as he handed a menu at the other man, obviously having chosen his food already himself. Automatically Die took it, smiling at the way their fingertips brushed against each other accidentally. “So it’s just the two of us.”
Die smiled as he opened the menu, scanning it to decide what he wanted to eat. He didn’t get that much time for his decision as the waitress appeared the next second, shamelessly trying to flirt the bassist up although all she got in return from the man were a polite smile and his order. Die didn’t feel like being experimental that day, and thankfully they had eaten in this same place already several times, so he just took the same dish he always did. Even the waitress flirting with Toshiya passed him by unnoticed as it happened every single time they were there, the girl didn’t seem to be discouraged by anything.
They got their foods soon later, and although until then they had been chatting idly about all the preparations for the upcoming tour – somehow they always ended up talking about work sooner or later, partly because it was such a big part of their lives and because they still loved what they did – they fell completely silent as they attended their food. Every now and then their eyes would meet as they glanced at each other, smiling automatically.
After some time Die couldn’t hold back a low chuckle any longer, his eyes sparkling as he looked up. “It feels almost like a date.” He confessed since indeed, he did feel like a girl on a first date with a cool guy she’d been admiring for a while already. Or maybe not quite like that, but something close to it and he thought the comparison was good enough. Just a moment earlier his foot had touched Toshiya’s under the table, and somehow that made his heart skip a beat while his rational mind just noted how the tables were too small for two tall guys like them.
For a second Toshiya was silent and Die was already going to say something further to explain it away in some innocent way, before Toshiya spoke up and took him by surprise completely. “Would you like it to be?” The question was spoken softly, Toshiya had set down his chopsticks and he was just smiling honestly at the guitarist, a warm look in his eyes.
At first Die didn’t know what to say, how to react. Hadn’t this been what he had wanted for ten years now? He knew the bassist well enough to know he was serious, wasn’t just joking or pulling off a prank on him. Before Die’s rational mind had the time to tear it all apart and rationalize it to death, he found himself nodding. “Yes. Yes I would.” He smiled, one of those stunning smiles of his and little did he know how fast it made Toshiya’s heart beat in turn.
“Good then.” Toshiya smiled even wider, raising his glass as if to suggest a toast. With that, it was settled. Their first date.
When Toshiya walked him home and gave him a good night kiss in the staircase, Die decided that this had been the best date in his whole life. And the best first kiss.
Years later Toshiya confessed that the whole dinner had been a plan, a huge set up to get Die in a nice restaurant together with him in what felt like an accidental manner. Die hit him with a pillow and pretended to be appalled, but secretly he was feeling all warm and happy inside.
They were never too explicit or obvious in public. Die could remember a whole two times Toshiya had held his hand in public and both times it had been in the middle of the night with pretty much no threat of getting caught. And a good excuse of being drunk to cover for them if needed. It didn’t mean that they didn’t enjoy being all touchy-feely when they could, though. Whenever they were working in the studio and had a short break, they would get together and at least enjoy the physical proximity even if it didn’t include touching. Usually there were some of those too, though. Toshiya would reach out and like accidentally brush his hand over Die’s, while Die would step closer until their shoulders were touching.
Seemingly accidental small gestures that held a whole world of meaning for them both.
Sometimes there were hugs, too, since they both knew that their bandmates were used to those. Toshiya hugged everyone when he felt like it, even the ones who didn’t like it and got all tense and uneasy because of it. He had gotten it from home, he always explained, they had been huggy and thus he was huggy even now. Die definitely didn’t mind, especially when they were both dead tired and had somehow just managed to drag their bones to work, trying to get something done, and when the first opportunity presented itself Toshiya sneaked to him to wrap him into an embrace.
“Oh hello, gorgeous,” Toshiya murmured against his neck, hugging him from behind. Being pressed against that strong body so closely made Die’s heartbeat go from zero to hundred in a fragment of a second and he couldn’t help but to let his eyes slip shut as he focused on the sensations. He loved the bassist’s strong arms around him like this, and instinctively brought his hands on Toshiya’s. Smiling, he tilted his head enough to bring their lips close to each other, whispering lowly. “Good morning to you too, sunshine.”
Actually, Die didn’t like sweet-talk. He remembered way too many girls he had tricked into bed by telling them they were more special to him than they were in reality and he wasn’t exactly proud of that. All those sweet nothings felt fake to him, and he didn’t want this to be fake. This was real and this would last. But when Toshiya told him he was beautiful all he could do was to blush and smile. It made him feel all warm inside, appreciated and precious. Although it wasn’t as much the words as the genuine look in the younger man’s eyes when he looked at him. Toshiya looked at him with such clear affection, admiration and appreciation that there was no way it could be faked or pretended.
Besides he had soon learned that even though Toshiya had been generous with petnames already when they had been friends, he was now filling them into every other sentence. The first time he had called Die ‘baby’ the older man had flinched and looked at him wide-eyed, but now it was like a routine for them, and Die found himself even returning the sugary names more than often.
It wasn’t easy to piss Die off but when it happened, he was so mad he could throw plates and cause a huge scene out of practically nothing, if it had happened to be the thing to make him snap. Toshiya was a gentle giant, he was always honest in his responses but he never picked fights. It didn’t mean he couldn’t argue if an occasion called, though. This time it had been completely stupid. As usual. Always when they fought it was about something idiotic, a minor thing that rubbed them both the wrong way until they snapped and it got blown out of proportion.
They had agreed upon eating takeout at home that day, curl up on the couch and watch one of their favourite movies as it was broadcasted on TV starting at eight in the evening. Toshiya had promised to be on time although he would hit some shops together with a friend, and Die had promised to fix up the dinner and get everything set. Then, twenty past eight when Toshiya still hadn’t arrived Die had managed to get himself into such a funk that there was no way out of it. Naturally, he was disappointed as a quarter of the movie was already gone, their food cooling off on the plates as for once he had actually dug out bowls for them instead of eating straight from the cartons.
He had been so angry that by the time Toshiya appeared through the front door he greeted him with a huge fit. He threw said bowls, filled with food, on the floor and even aimed one of them at the bassist, managed to knock down the small table next to the couch and the poor plant that had been on it was now lying on the floor in the middle of dirt and pieces of a broken clay pot. He hadn’t even stopped to think that there might be a good reason for the younger man to be late, had just dumped all of his frustration and anger on him.
Toshiya didn’t just stand there and take it, though, he griped in a few biting comments of his own before saying he would walk it off and grabbed his keys to vanish from the apartment again. It had left Die boiling with his anger alone, cleaning up the mess from the living room. The tears came later, the tears of frustration that he wiped away angrily as soon as he felt them hot on his cheeks. He knew he had been unfair, not giving Toshiya the time to defend himself in any way, and now on top of being angry and disappointed he was feeling guilty, too.
The front door opened again when he was trying to get the broken pot off the floor, having saved the plant into a big bucket where it might stay alive for long enough to be planted again, if they were lucky. It was a present from Toshiya’s mother so the damn thing had better survive. Die didn’t even look up from what he was doing, carefully picking up the small shards of clay into the waste bin he had with him. Toshiya didn’t say anything, either, only approached him and wordlessly crouched down right next to him to help him out.
They worked in silence for a good while, before all the shards were collected and there was nothing but dirt on the floor that would have to be wiped still. They kept on avoiding looking at each other, until finally Die collected all of himself and spoke up. “I’m sorry. I… didn’t mean to. Should’ve listened to you.” He almost only whispered the words, but he knew that they were heard anyway.
A second later he felt an arm being wrapped around his waist and gratefully he leaned against the younger man, closing his eyes to focus on his warmth. “You know, I’m sorry, too.” Toshiya spoke softly, his breath moving a few strands of hair off Die’s face. “I should’ve called you when I knew it’d take too long.” His long fingers were slowly caressing Die’s hipbone through the rough fabric of his jeans, his thumb hooked under the waistband. Somehow that made Die smile.
“Now c’mon. Let’s get this shit cleaned up and I’ll warm us canned soup.” He tilted his head to look up at Toshiya, offering him peace with an honest smile. It was met with one of Toshiya’s, a low chuckle spilling from the younger man as he replied. “Sounds good. We can watch the stupid movie on DVD anyway.”
Die didn’t reply, only craned his neck enough to make their lips meet.
It had become something like a tradition that every time before a new tour would start they would stay awake the whole night and do something they had never done before. This time, Toshiya got the brilliant idea that they should go to the nearby part at three am, when everyone else was asleep and there should be no one there. Die remarked that yes, no one but the rapists and murderers, waiting in the bushes to gut them alive, but Toshiya just waved it aside and pointed out that the park was in the middle of the most family-friendly area and there had never been any major disturbances there. Die still thought it was because no one else had had the great idea of going out there in the middle of the darkest night, but he agreed anyway.
Toshiya had been right, it was indeed a peaceful and beautiful place, tall trees rising above them and leaving only small areas of sky visible. They could even see a star or two, and Die stopped in the middle of the path with his head tilted backwards just to watch them. He remembered hearing that when you spotted the first star of the night, you could make a wish and he squeezed his eyes shut as soon as he saw one. He wasn’t sure if it worked only with the actual first star or with the first star you witnessed with your own eyes even if it was past three am, but it never hurt to try at least.
The next moment Toshiya hooked his arm with Die’s, tugging him further. “Look, the fountain isn’t frozen yet!” He pointed out enthusiastically, heading straight towards the small fountain a bit further away. Already on the way, Toshiya stumbled a bit to tug off his shoes, throwing them aside heedlessly without even taking a look where they landed. “Are you nuts!?” Was Die’s initial reaction as he watched eyes wide when his boyfriend climbed into the fountain, shrieking like a girl as it was cold as hell and his toes turned blue from the first steps in the water.
“I might be!” Toshiya admitted with a bright smile, laughing happily. “But this is fun!” The words made Die snort and shake his head, but he couldn’t hide a grin either. This was so typical for Toshiya. He never thought he could get sick or that it would be a stupid idea to climb into an icy-cold fountain the day before a tour would start and they’d need to be fit for the following weeks. In their three years together and during the ten years of friendship before, Die had several times admonished the bassist about his behaviour, only to be told not to act like a goddamn mother hen.
Okay, no mother hen this time, then. Die decided inwardly as he sat down on the edge of the fountain and unlaced his boots to throw them aside as well. “Make some room for me, too!” He grinned at the surprised look on Toshiya’s face, the next second stepping into the cold water as well. It was freezing and he knew it had been a stupid idea the second he felt his toes go numb, but then again, watching that sparkle in his lover’s eyes was way worth it. Laughing, Toshiya splashed some water on Die’s legs with his big feet, making the older man run away from him. Only to return back from behind to have his revenge, of course.
For a long moment they kept on running in circles in the pond, splashing water on each other, until Die couldn’t take it any longer and started whining about how cold it was and how he didn’t want to freeze his toes off. Laughing, Toshiya simply picked him up and placed him on the edge again, pecking his lush lips softly. “Better now?” He asked with a grin and Die nodded, answering with one of his own. “Yeah. But when we go back home you will rub my feet warm and make me hot chocolate.” He decided.
And Toshiya did. When they got back home they dragged a big bucket into the living room, filling it with warm water. A moment later they were sitting on the couch side by side, Die almost half on Toshiya’s lap, as they tried to stuff their freezing feet into the bucket to get them warm again. They had a blanket wrapped around their forms, and they just couldn’t stop laughing.
When the blood began circulating again, Toshiya got up and fixed them both a mugful of hot chocolate, wordlessly taking Die’s legs on his lap to give him the promised foot-massage, his own feet neatly tucked away in woollen socks to keep them warm.
This was just the perfect way to spend a night, they both could agree on that. Especially when they didn’t stop at keeping each other warm, but used the last few hours in trying to get each other hot as hell.
They barely had the time to have a hot shower – together of course – to clean the stains off their bodies before they had to already get on the bus to leave.
The tours abroad always got to Die at some point, making him feel extremely exhausted. He enjoyed them, that was no problem, he loved meeting new people and seeing new things, loved playing a live in a different city every time and loved seeing the fans go batshit crazy over the band. He wouldn’t have traded this for anything, never. But still, the further the tour got, the more this certain tired melancholy was welling up inside of him. He missed being at home. He missed the comfortable bed and the way Toshiya always stole the covers from him just to make him play-fight him for them. He missed running to the bakery down the road to get them breakfast, warming up his fingers with a big cup of hot coffee when they felt like they were freezing off. He missed the flat screen TV and their DVD collection, the stupid series they could always dig up when they felt like watching them.
Everything was a whole lot easier because he didn’t have to miss Toshiya, though. He didn’t even want to think of how bad the melancholy blues would hit him if he didn’t have the other man with him. Besides, he knew that Toshiya felt the same. He was always enthusiastic about new places, sightseeing and embracing the local culinary, but he was getting tired of it too. He wanted to go back home and have a few days just for themselves as much as Die did. When they occasionally had hotels to stay in, they did sneak into the same room to share it together but it was different, it wasn’t quite the same as their bedroom at home or the comfortable but ugly couch in their living room.
It was four am and Die was again sitting there beside the window, watching the trees and road signs fly by as the bus passed them, but paying no attention to anything in reality. It had been raining earlier and there still were some raindrops stuck on the window, and a part of him felt like tracing them with his finger to see if there would be a recognizable pattern. Suddenly, there was a presence right next to him and he didn’t even startle, he had already recognized it to be Toshiya before he saw the familiar reflection in the glass in front of him.
“Can’t sleep again?” Toshiya asked lowly, sleepily, and it was obvious he had just woken up. Maybe to get something to drink, maybe to use the lavatories, or maybe just to check up on him, Die didn’t know and he didn’t ask. Instead he turned a bit until they were facing each other, smiling at the bassist softly. “No. I was thinking that in a bit more than a week we’ll already be home and I kind of can’t wait.” He admitted with a low chuckle, knowing the other man would understand him even when he went on. “And at the same time I don’t want this to end.”
Toshiya smiled, only to then yawn so widely it killed all possible traces of said smile quite effectively. It made the older man chuckle again, as somehow that simple gesture was so typically Toshiya that it made him want to jump him and hug him to death. “I know. But baby, if you don’t get some sleep every once in a while, this’ll be over before we get back home when you collapse in the lack of rest.” He pointed out in his best motherly tone, shifting a bit closer so he could lean against Die’s wide shoulder. Automatically Die wrapped an arm around the younger man, holding him in position that was comfortable for them both.
“I’m trying. It’s not like you’re sleeping now, either.” He pointed out, leaning down to playfully blow a strand of hair off Toshiya’s face. It tickled the younger man, who couldn’t hold back a merry giggle. “Am I not?” His eyes were indeed closed and he seemed completely relaxed, only the smile that was dancing on his lips ruining the perfect act. And of course the theatrical little snore he made right afterwards, causing Die to laugh again. Quickly Die clapped his hand in front of his mouth, though, not wanting to wake up everyone just by being too loud.
“No, you’re not. You big baby.” Die chuckled, his voice full of affection as he scooped the younger man up a bit further to make him more comfortable still. “Why aren’t you in bed, anyway?” He knew the answer even before it was spoken out loud, but it didn’t mean it made him any less happy when Toshiya muttered “was lonely there without you” in a defiant voice. Die refrained from pointing out that the bunk beds in the bus were way too small for them to share, even if they wanted to, and there was a bit too much audience for their tastes anyway.
“Let’s go, Tosh. I’ll be right in the next bunk and you can listen to my snoring if you can’t sleep,” Die suggested after a while, nudging the younger man a bit to show him he should get up. Toshiya resisted playfully, but when Die began to tickle his sides he was up in a nanosecond. Somehow he managed to pull of a miraculous pout-and-glare-while-you-laugh-your-ass-off, and Die was convinced that Toshiya was the only person in the whole wide world who could always pull off contradictions so well. “Okay. But you’d better keep your promise. And tomorrow! We have a hotel!” Toshiya pointed out happily, something so utterly content and naughty in his expression that it didn’t leave much up to Die’s imagination.
“Am looking forward to it.” Smiling, Die watched Toshiya go, watched the way his shirt stretched over his wide back and showed off his form perfectly. Only when the other man had disappeared behind the corner, he stood up as well, following him in a short distance. For the rest of the night his thoughts kept on circling around Toshiya, though, around the way his soft skin felt beneath his fingertips and how his hot breath hit his skin. It made him smile even wider. He knew that re-living that was just a matter of time.
They would sneak into the same hotel room the next evening anyway.
Author:
fonulynRating: NC17 overall
Pairing: Toshiya/Die
Disclaimer: I own no one, only my dirty imagination.
Summary: Your life is formed by countless encounters and people who mean a lot to you, in one way or another. Sometimes all you can do is hope that all those encounters finally lead you to the point you always wanted to get to. And maybe you can enjoy the road there, on the way.
Comments:
fonulyn: So the final chapter of the story :) I hope you enjoyed the way here and I apologize for the long breaks I had with posting. I’m old and forgetful XD And now we finally get some moments with Die and Toshiya! ♥ And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Plus, the archive.
Previously happened:
Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV
Die’s favourite time of day was the early morning, definitely. It had never been, not before Toshiya had somehow bewitched him and showed him just how enjoyable nice mornings could be when taken the right way. Which was kind of ironic, seeing that Toshiya was the sleepyhead in this relationship, and he had been the one to convince Die getting up in the early morning could be worthwhile. Already going outside when it was still almost dark, shadows lingering between the buildings and sun tentatively trying to cast its first rays over everything, was enchanting to say the least. And doing it with someone else instead of alone made it all even better. Die had grown to like everything from slow walks in the park to going jogging when the city was slowly waking up to a new day.
But his favourite type of mornings was the slow, languid ones, when there was no hurry to get up, no hurry to go anywhere, and he could just turn around in Toshiya’s arms and enjoy a few more minutes of sleep. Today was no exception, when the first rays of sun peeked through the gap in the curtains, making Die blink his eyes open, he only lazily rolled over. It never failed to make him smile when he reached out and his hand met soft, warm skin to touch. Automatically Toshiya rolled over as well, wrapping one of his long arms around Die to pull him closer into a warm embrace. This was what Die enjoyed the most, he thought distantly, as he buried his face into the bassist’s long neck and inhaled his scent deeply.
They could spend hours in bed, just dozing off half asleep, shifting every now and then but never getting too far from each other. Sometimes, often actually, it evolved into making out – neither of them minded bad morning breath, not with each other, and the mere thought made Die laugh amused – and slow lovemaking before they finally got up for some coffee. Sometimes Die would get up earlier, leaving the other man cuddle with the blankets as he fixed them both breakfast. Die was hazardous in the kitchen with sharp objects but he made the best coffee ever and his sandwiches were to die for.
Toshiya would then follow him in a while, when the scent of fresh coffee reached the bedroom finally, and sneak right up behind Die to wrap his arms around him and give him a good morning kiss. At moments like this Die enjoyed Toshiya’s habit of sleeping in the nude a bit more than he would even admit out loud.
They made it to eating breakfast, too. Eventually.
In the end how they got together was almost comical. They had been supposed to have dinner together, the whole band and no one else but them. Die had been late and when he had rushed into the restaurant, trying to get himself untangled from his scarf while searching for his friends with his gaze. He spotted Toshiya, sitting alone at a table for five, surprised as he had been so certain that he would be the last one to arrive. As he approached the table, he gave the bassist a smile, receiving one in return. “Finally! I was beginning to think I have to eat all alone.”
Die’s eyes flew wide and he stared at his friend, finally managing to tug the scarf off so he could bundle it up and stuff it into the sleeve of his jacket, before hanging the garment on the coat rack a couple of steps from the table. The good sides of eating in the corner table, you always had your clothes close to you. “Where are the guys?” He asked curiously, taking a seat across the table from Toshiya. Sitting right next to him would’ve felt kind of weird, and across the table was the next closest option. “Coming even later?”
“Nope.” Toshiya shook his head, laughing freely in this genuine way that made his nose wrinkle up and his eyes look so tiny he probably didn’t see anything. That was already enough to make Die melt, and he prayed to god or whoever might’ve been listening that no one spotted his dreamy smile. Soon enough, Toshiya distracted him by going on. “Shinya’s dog is puking nonstop and he had to take her to an emergency vet. Kyo is coming down with a cold and said he doesn’t want to risk it blooming right before the tour. And Kaoru’s wife is pissed off at him for some reason so he had to take her out to eat, just the two of them.”
“Oh.” Die nodded slowly, pursing his lips thoughtfully. “A whole bunch of coincidences.” Almost too many coincidences. Somehow it felt as if their bandmates had planned all of it, but just when he opened his mouth to point that out, the other man cut him off effectively.
“Yeah, tell me about it.” Toshiya snickered, his eyes sparkling as he handed a menu at the other man, obviously having chosen his food already himself. Automatically Die took it, smiling at the way their fingertips brushed against each other accidentally. “So it’s just the two of us.”
Die smiled as he opened the menu, scanning it to decide what he wanted to eat. He didn’t get that much time for his decision as the waitress appeared the next second, shamelessly trying to flirt the bassist up although all she got in return from the man were a polite smile and his order. Die didn’t feel like being experimental that day, and thankfully they had eaten in this same place already several times, so he just took the same dish he always did. Even the waitress flirting with Toshiya passed him by unnoticed as it happened every single time they were there, the girl didn’t seem to be discouraged by anything.
They got their foods soon later, and although until then they had been chatting idly about all the preparations for the upcoming tour – somehow they always ended up talking about work sooner or later, partly because it was such a big part of their lives and because they still loved what they did – they fell completely silent as they attended their food. Every now and then their eyes would meet as they glanced at each other, smiling automatically.
After some time Die couldn’t hold back a low chuckle any longer, his eyes sparkling as he looked up. “It feels almost like a date.” He confessed since indeed, he did feel like a girl on a first date with a cool guy she’d been admiring for a while already. Or maybe not quite like that, but something close to it and he thought the comparison was good enough. Just a moment earlier his foot had touched Toshiya’s under the table, and somehow that made his heart skip a beat while his rational mind just noted how the tables were too small for two tall guys like them.
For a second Toshiya was silent and Die was already going to say something further to explain it away in some innocent way, before Toshiya spoke up and took him by surprise completely. “Would you like it to be?” The question was spoken softly, Toshiya had set down his chopsticks and he was just smiling honestly at the guitarist, a warm look in his eyes.
At first Die didn’t know what to say, how to react. Hadn’t this been what he had wanted for ten years now? He knew the bassist well enough to know he was serious, wasn’t just joking or pulling off a prank on him. Before Die’s rational mind had the time to tear it all apart and rationalize it to death, he found himself nodding. “Yes. Yes I would.” He smiled, one of those stunning smiles of his and little did he know how fast it made Toshiya’s heart beat in turn.
“Good then.” Toshiya smiled even wider, raising his glass as if to suggest a toast. With that, it was settled. Their first date.
When Toshiya walked him home and gave him a good night kiss in the staircase, Die decided that this had been the best date in his whole life. And the best first kiss.
Years later Toshiya confessed that the whole dinner had been a plan, a huge set up to get Die in a nice restaurant together with him in what felt like an accidental manner. Die hit him with a pillow and pretended to be appalled, but secretly he was feeling all warm and happy inside.
They were never too explicit or obvious in public. Die could remember a whole two times Toshiya had held his hand in public and both times it had been in the middle of the night with pretty much no threat of getting caught. And a good excuse of being drunk to cover for them if needed. It didn’t mean that they didn’t enjoy being all touchy-feely when they could, though. Whenever they were working in the studio and had a short break, they would get together and at least enjoy the physical proximity even if it didn’t include touching. Usually there were some of those too, though. Toshiya would reach out and like accidentally brush his hand over Die’s, while Die would step closer until their shoulders were touching.
Seemingly accidental small gestures that held a whole world of meaning for them both.
Sometimes there were hugs, too, since they both knew that their bandmates were used to those. Toshiya hugged everyone when he felt like it, even the ones who didn’t like it and got all tense and uneasy because of it. He had gotten it from home, he always explained, they had been huggy and thus he was huggy even now. Die definitely didn’t mind, especially when they were both dead tired and had somehow just managed to drag their bones to work, trying to get something done, and when the first opportunity presented itself Toshiya sneaked to him to wrap him into an embrace.
“Oh hello, gorgeous,” Toshiya murmured against his neck, hugging him from behind. Being pressed against that strong body so closely made Die’s heartbeat go from zero to hundred in a fragment of a second and he couldn’t help but to let his eyes slip shut as he focused on the sensations. He loved the bassist’s strong arms around him like this, and instinctively brought his hands on Toshiya’s. Smiling, he tilted his head enough to bring their lips close to each other, whispering lowly. “Good morning to you too, sunshine.”
Actually, Die didn’t like sweet-talk. He remembered way too many girls he had tricked into bed by telling them they were more special to him than they were in reality and he wasn’t exactly proud of that. All those sweet nothings felt fake to him, and he didn’t want this to be fake. This was real and this would last. But when Toshiya told him he was beautiful all he could do was to blush and smile. It made him feel all warm inside, appreciated and precious. Although it wasn’t as much the words as the genuine look in the younger man’s eyes when he looked at him. Toshiya looked at him with such clear affection, admiration and appreciation that there was no way it could be faked or pretended.
Besides he had soon learned that even though Toshiya had been generous with petnames already when they had been friends, he was now filling them into every other sentence. The first time he had called Die ‘baby’ the older man had flinched and looked at him wide-eyed, but now it was like a routine for them, and Die found himself even returning the sugary names more than often.
It wasn’t easy to piss Die off but when it happened, he was so mad he could throw plates and cause a huge scene out of practically nothing, if it had happened to be the thing to make him snap. Toshiya was a gentle giant, he was always honest in his responses but he never picked fights. It didn’t mean he couldn’t argue if an occasion called, though. This time it had been completely stupid. As usual. Always when they fought it was about something idiotic, a minor thing that rubbed them both the wrong way until they snapped and it got blown out of proportion.
They had agreed upon eating takeout at home that day, curl up on the couch and watch one of their favourite movies as it was broadcasted on TV starting at eight in the evening. Toshiya had promised to be on time although he would hit some shops together with a friend, and Die had promised to fix up the dinner and get everything set. Then, twenty past eight when Toshiya still hadn’t arrived Die had managed to get himself into such a funk that there was no way out of it. Naturally, he was disappointed as a quarter of the movie was already gone, their food cooling off on the plates as for once he had actually dug out bowls for them instead of eating straight from the cartons.
He had been so angry that by the time Toshiya appeared through the front door he greeted him with a huge fit. He threw said bowls, filled with food, on the floor and even aimed one of them at the bassist, managed to knock down the small table next to the couch and the poor plant that had been on it was now lying on the floor in the middle of dirt and pieces of a broken clay pot. He hadn’t even stopped to think that there might be a good reason for the younger man to be late, had just dumped all of his frustration and anger on him.
Toshiya didn’t just stand there and take it, though, he griped in a few biting comments of his own before saying he would walk it off and grabbed his keys to vanish from the apartment again. It had left Die boiling with his anger alone, cleaning up the mess from the living room. The tears came later, the tears of frustration that he wiped away angrily as soon as he felt them hot on his cheeks. He knew he had been unfair, not giving Toshiya the time to defend himself in any way, and now on top of being angry and disappointed he was feeling guilty, too.
The front door opened again when he was trying to get the broken pot off the floor, having saved the plant into a big bucket where it might stay alive for long enough to be planted again, if they were lucky. It was a present from Toshiya’s mother so the damn thing had better survive. Die didn’t even look up from what he was doing, carefully picking up the small shards of clay into the waste bin he had with him. Toshiya didn’t say anything, either, only approached him and wordlessly crouched down right next to him to help him out.
They worked in silence for a good while, before all the shards were collected and there was nothing but dirt on the floor that would have to be wiped still. They kept on avoiding looking at each other, until finally Die collected all of himself and spoke up. “I’m sorry. I… didn’t mean to. Should’ve listened to you.” He almost only whispered the words, but he knew that they were heard anyway.
A second later he felt an arm being wrapped around his waist and gratefully he leaned against the younger man, closing his eyes to focus on his warmth. “You know, I’m sorry, too.” Toshiya spoke softly, his breath moving a few strands of hair off Die’s face. “I should’ve called you when I knew it’d take too long.” His long fingers were slowly caressing Die’s hipbone through the rough fabric of his jeans, his thumb hooked under the waistband. Somehow that made Die smile.
“Now c’mon. Let’s get this shit cleaned up and I’ll warm us canned soup.” He tilted his head to look up at Toshiya, offering him peace with an honest smile. It was met with one of Toshiya’s, a low chuckle spilling from the younger man as he replied. “Sounds good. We can watch the stupid movie on DVD anyway.”
Die didn’t reply, only craned his neck enough to make their lips meet.
It had become something like a tradition that every time before a new tour would start they would stay awake the whole night and do something they had never done before. This time, Toshiya got the brilliant idea that they should go to the nearby part at three am, when everyone else was asleep and there should be no one there. Die remarked that yes, no one but the rapists and murderers, waiting in the bushes to gut them alive, but Toshiya just waved it aside and pointed out that the park was in the middle of the most family-friendly area and there had never been any major disturbances there. Die still thought it was because no one else had had the great idea of going out there in the middle of the darkest night, but he agreed anyway.
Toshiya had been right, it was indeed a peaceful and beautiful place, tall trees rising above them and leaving only small areas of sky visible. They could even see a star or two, and Die stopped in the middle of the path with his head tilted backwards just to watch them. He remembered hearing that when you spotted the first star of the night, you could make a wish and he squeezed his eyes shut as soon as he saw one. He wasn’t sure if it worked only with the actual first star or with the first star you witnessed with your own eyes even if it was past three am, but it never hurt to try at least.
The next moment Toshiya hooked his arm with Die’s, tugging him further. “Look, the fountain isn’t frozen yet!” He pointed out enthusiastically, heading straight towards the small fountain a bit further away. Already on the way, Toshiya stumbled a bit to tug off his shoes, throwing them aside heedlessly without even taking a look where they landed. “Are you nuts!?” Was Die’s initial reaction as he watched eyes wide when his boyfriend climbed into the fountain, shrieking like a girl as it was cold as hell and his toes turned blue from the first steps in the water.
“I might be!” Toshiya admitted with a bright smile, laughing happily. “But this is fun!” The words made Die snort and shake his head, but he couldn’t hide a grin either. This was so typical for Toshiya. He never thought he could get sick or that it would be a stupid idea to climb into an icy-cold fountain the day before a tour would start and they’d need to be fit for the following weeks. In their three years together and during the ten years of friendship before, Die had several times admonished the bassist about his behaviour, only to be told not to act like a goddamn mother hen.
Okay, no mother hen this time, then. Die decided inwardly as he sat down on the edge of the fountain and unlaced his boots to throw them aside as well. “Make some room for me, too!” He grinned at the surprised look on Toshiya’s face, the next second stepping into the cold water as well. It was freezing and he knew it had been a stupid idea the second he felt his toes go numb, but then again, watching that sparkle in his lover’s eyes was way worth it. Laughing, Toshiya splashed some water on Die’s legs with his big feet, making the older man run away from him. Only to return back from behind to have his revenge, of course.
For a long moment they kept on running in circles in the pond, splashing water on each other, until Die couldn’t take it any longer and started whining about how cold it was and how he didn’t want to freeze his toes off. Laughing, Toshiya simply picked him up and placed him on the edge again, pecking his lush lips softly. “Better now?” He asked with a grin and Die nodded, answering with one of his own. “Yeah. But when we go back home you will rub my feet warm and make me hot chocolate.” He decided.
And Toshiya did. When they got back home they dragged a big bucket into the living room, filling it with warm water. A moment later they were sitting on the couch side by side, Die almost half on Toshiya’s lap, as they tried to stuff their freezing feet into the bucket to get them warm again. They had a blanket wrapped around their forms, and they just couldn’t stop laughing.
When the blood began circulating again, Toshiya got up and fixed them both a mugful of hot chocolate, wordlessly taking Die’s legs on his lap to give him the promised foot-massage, his own feet neatly tucked away in woollen socks to keep them warm.
This was just the perfect way to spend a night, they both could agree on that. Especially when they didn’t stop at keeping each other warm, but used the last few hours in trying to get each other hot as hell.
They barely had the time to have a hot shower – together of course – to clean the stains off their bodies before they had to already get on the bus to leave.
The tours abroad always got to Die at some point, making him feel extremely exhausted. He enjoyed them, that was no problem, he loved meeting new people and seeing new things, loved playing a live in a different city every time and loved seeing the fans go batshit crazy over the band. He wouldn’t have traded this for anything, never. But still, the further the tour got, the more this certain tired melancholy was welling up inside of him. He missed being at home. He missed the comfortable bed and the way Toshiya always stole the covers from him just to make him play-fight him for them. He missed running to the bakery down the road to get them breakfast, warming up his fingers with a big cup of hot coffee when they felt like they were freezing off. He missed the flat screen TV and their DVD collection, the stupid series they could always dig up when they felt like watching them.
Everything was a whole lot easier because he didn’t have to miss Toshiya, though. He didn’t even want to think of how bad the melancholy blues would hit him if he didn’t have the other man with him. Besides, he knew that Toshiya felt the same. He was always enthusiastic about new places, sightseeing and embracing the local culinary, but he was getting tired of it too. He wanted to go back home and have a few days just for themselves as much as Die did. When they occasionally had hotels to stay in, they did sneak into the same room to share it together but it was different, it wasn’t quite the same as their bedroom at home or the comfortable but ugly couch in their living room.
It was four am and Die was again sitting there beside the window, watching the trees and road signs fly by as the bus passed them, but paying no attention to anything in reality. It had been raining earlier and there still were some raindrops stuck on the window, and a part of him felt like tracing them with his finger to see if there would be a recognizable pattern. Suddenly, there was a presence right next to him and he didn’t even startle, he had already recognized it to be Toshiya before he saw the familiar reflection in the glass in front of him.
“Can’t sleep again?” Toshiya asked lowly, sleepily, and it was obvious he had just woken up. Maybe to get something to drink, maybe to use the lavatories, or maybe just to check up on him, Die didn’t know and he didn’t ask. Instead he turned a bit until they were facing each other, smiling at the bassist softly. “No. I was thinking that in a bit more than a week we’ll already be home and I kind of can’t wait.” He admitted with a low chuckle, knowing the other man would understand him even when he went on. “And at the same time I don’t want this to end.”
Toshiya smiled, only to then yawn so widely it killed all possible traces of said smile quite effectively. It made the older man chuckle again, as somehow that simple gesture was so typically Toshiya that it made him want to jump him and hug him to death. “I know. But baby, if you don’t get some sleep every once in a while, this’ll be over before we get back home when you collapse in the lack of rest.” He pointed out in his best motherly tone, shifting a bit closer so he could lean against Die’s wide shoulder. Automatically Die wrapped an arm around the younger man, holding him in position that was comfortable for them both.
“I’m trying. It’s not like you’re sleeping now, either.” He pointed out, leaning down to playfully blow a strand of hair off Toshiya’s face. It tickled the younger man, who couldn’t hold back a merry giggle. “Am I not?” His eyes were indeed closed and he seemed completely relaxed, only the smile that was dancing on his lips ruining the perfect act. And of course the theatrical little snore he made right afterwards, causing Die to laugh again. Quickly Die clapped his hand in front of his mouth, though, not wanting to wake up everyone just by being too loud.
“No, you’re not. You big baby.” Die chuckled, his voice full of affection as he scooped the younger man up a bit further to make him more comfortable still. “Why aren’t you in bed, anyway?” He knew the answer even before it was spoken out loud, but it didn’t mean it made him any less happy when Toshiya muttered “was lonely there without you” in a defiant voice. Die refrained from pointing out that the bunk beds in the bus were way too small for them to share, even if they wanted to, and there was a bit too much audience for their tastes anyway.
“Let’s go, Tosh. I’ll be right in the next bunk and you can listen to my snoring if you can’t sleep,” Die suggested after a while, nudging the younger man a bit to show him he should get up. Toshiya resisted playfully, but when Die began to tickle his sides he was up in a nanosecond. Somehow he managed to pull of a miraculous pout-and-glare-while-you-laugh-your-ass-off, and Die was convinced that Toshiya was the only person in the whole wide world who could always pull off contradictions so well. “Okay. But you’d better keep your promise. And tomorrow! We have a hotel!” Toshiya pointed out happily, something so utterly content and naughty in his expression that it didn’t leave much up to Die’s imagination.
“Am looking forward to it.” Smiling, Die watched Toshiya go, watched the way his shirt stretched over his wide back and showed off his form perfectly. Only when the other man had disappeared behind the corner, he stood up as well, following him in a short distance. For the rest of the night his thoughts kept on circling around Toshiya, though, around the way his soft skin felt beneath his fingertips and how his hot breath hit his skin. It made him smile even wider. He knew that re-living that was just a matter of time.
They would sneak into the same hotel room the next evening anyway.