rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2010-01-07 05:02 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2010-01-07 05:02 pm
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Learn to Love
2009
Die had never been a patient man. When he wanted something, he wanted it instantly and waiting for it wasn’t exactly a virtue he’d possess. Yet, when it came to things that were immensely important for him, he found himself possessing some magical patience he hadn’t even known he had. He didn’t know where it came from, didn’t know how he managed to do it but it was there, and had surfaced several times without him even noticing it.
When he had realized that he was actually harbouring some romantic feelings towards his best friend and bandmate, he found that patience suddenly striking him again. A part of him wanted to go and shout out his love from the rooftops, and while he knew that it was a silly thing to do it was seriously hard for him to hold back and not to do it. Yet he didn’t want to scare the other man away, he didn’t want to screw this up and ruin everything by being too straightforward and too demanding. How did he know if Toshiya even would mirror the feelings, in the end? He thought he had seen the signs in the air, but it could still be he was mistaken and seeing things he only wished to be there.
So he didn’t want to act hastily, didn’t push the topic and waited for things to proceed at their natural pace. The perfect opportunity was presented to him sooner than he had even dared to hope for. It was Shinya’s birthday party and they had all gathered in a club they used to go in frequently since no one usually recognized or approached them there. For the beginning of the evening they had been dancing, more or less, and watching Shinya get all sweet and mushy with his fiancée the more drunk he got. Somewhere along the time people began to disappear though, some dancing and some trying to find some interesting company for the night. At least Kaoru was already hitting on a girl with big boobs and a skirt that looked more like a wide belt, and was obviously going to score that night.
What Die was more focused on, was the fact that it left him and Toshiya alone at the table. Toshiya had turned to real hunk of a man, muscles and sheer confidence practically radiating from him, and at that moment it struck Die like a knife in his guts. He wanted the other man, so badly that it hurt and he didn’t only want to have a hot night filled with screwing like bunnies with him but he wanted him for real. For himself. He was fully aware that it might not work out but he couldn’t give a damn about it, he was willing to try. They were adults, after all, if it didn’t work out they could always deal with it, right?
So when the magical moment happened and time seemed to stand still, he didn’t even try to dodge. Toshiya leaned closer to him, their lips brushing against each other softly in a chaste kiss that promised so much more already. The next second they snapped, at the same time and moved to deepen the kiss, so much it almost hurt. Die practically bit Toshiya’s lower lip as he was yanked closer, the bassist’s fingers tangling in the chocolate brown hair. All Die could think of was how his head was spinning, how good Toshiya tasted, how his knees went weak and how it felt so amazing to be finally kissing him, how it was so good to feel the strong chest against his own and how he wanted more, more.
The kiss turned into two kisses, three, four, a whole set of passionate and massive face-sucking. Eventually Die found himself practically lying half on the table, with the other man pinning him down on it as the kiss grew even rougher, more demanding. Finally, somehow in their alcohol induced minds they realized they might need to slow things down and pulled apart, both focusing on filling their lungs with the very much needed air for the time being.
It was Die who broke the silence first, bringing his hand up to the bassist’s cheek. “Shit, Tosh… this feels so weird.” He snickered, his laughter joined by the other man. “I know. But I needed it.” That was the easy explanation and Die settled for it, gladly, as he heard Toshiya voice it out. It was a good start at least, since now they had established that they both indeed did want it. He looked up, into Toshiya’s deep eyes and somehow that gave him the final courage to go on with the statement.
“You know, Tosh,” his voice was low and husky, and he was absolutely certain that he saw the same feelings mirrored in the younger man’s eyes that he was harbouring inside of him. He took the final deep breath, before venturing out to say the words he had never voice before while meaning them so much. “I think I’m in love with you.”
He had prepared for several different reactions, but nothing had come even close to the look of sheer terror he now saw in Toshiya’s eyes. He could feel the younger man tense, saw the panicked look he gave him before abruptly yanking himself away. He practically ran, fled the scenery without looking back, without a single word of explanation.
Die was frozen. He just sat there and watched his best friend run away.
It only took a few moments for Die to startle from the lethargic state and actually go after the other man. He used a few minutes to mentally beat himself up for bringing it up so fast, but swiftly went over to disbelief and even anger. What kind of reaction had that been, damnit!? One didn’t just run away like that, not after a love confession and especially if it came from his best friend. What made him confused the most was that he was still certain he had seen it in Toshiya’s eyes, had seen the same feelings deep within there and couldn’t believe he’d been just imagining things.
He went to look for Toshiya, and the first guess to find him at his apartment had been the correct one. Miraculously, Toshiya even opened the door when Die rang the bell demandingly, looking as startled and dishevelled as he had looked just before running away. He tried to slam the door shut in front of Die, again, but the guitarist held him back and practically forced his way into the apartment. “Stop it, Tosh! You will now talk to me. C’mon, you can tell me you hate me if you want, just fucking talk! Don’t do this to me.” He wanted an explanation, and he bloody well would get one.
With a huge sigh, Toshiya closed the door after the other man, following him into the living room. There, he just stood in the middle of the floor, not saying a single word. He looked somehow out of it, like he wasn’t really present in the moment and that was enough to make Die almost panic. He didn’t let it show though, but instead turned around to face the other man as he spoke up. “So. Talk to me. C’mon Toshiya.” He put as much encouragement in his voice as he could, trying to urge the other man to say something, anything.
The silence was deafening. It seemed to drag on forever but Die was determined not to say anything, not before the other man would say something in between. Yet he was already on the verge of giving up, almost repeated what he had said before when a silent voice sounded through the air. “You… you meant what you said?” Toshiya spoke so lowly it was almost impossible to hear, and he didn’t even dare to look up at the guitarist and instead pretended to be immensely interested in the pattern of his carpet.
“Meant?” The words made Die angry, as tentatively as they were spoken. Didn’t the bassist know him better than that? He had a fiery temper, and he couldn’t hold back before it exploded. “Of course I meant what I said! I don’t fucking go around confessing my eternal love to my best friends just to get a kick out of it! I’ve been thinking of it for longer and I know what I’m saying. Tosh,” he forced himself to take a deep breath, to calm down and to sound more controlled. When he went on he looked straight at the other man, nothing but honesty in his whole posture. “I really do love you. Whether you want it or not.”
The next thing he knew was that there was a single tear glimmering on Toshiya’s cheek and that made him panic. He hadn’t wanted that! He didn’t want to make the other man cry for god’s sake, he had only wanted a bit more of those kisses and maybe something more and certainly not a scene like this. Toshiya sank down on the couch, sitting on the edge like a picture of sheer misery. “It’s not that I don’t want it…” His voice was still silent, and he stubbornly refused to look up to Die while speaking.
The anger was gone, replaced by worry and instinctively Die sat down on the couch as well, right beside his friend. When he spoke up, there was only a slight hint of the annoyance from before, as he gently urged the other to go on with his words. “Then what is it?” He wanted to get to the bottom of this, really sort it out now that they were knee-deep in the mess anyways.
Toshiya stuttered, running his fingers through his hair in a nervous gesture. One could see he was both drunk and really shaken up by all this, the tears still not far away. Finally, he managed to get the words out, trying to explain everything shortly. “I… it’s dangerous to love me.” It was the best he could offer, now at least.
“Dangerous?” Die sounded completely disbelieving, even a hint of the previous anger reflecting from the tone of his voice as he had no idea where this was now coming from. He tried his best to calm down though, knowing that it wouldn’t do any good if they both would be totally shaken and crying and yelling. He would better to be calm, the best he could. “C’mon Tosh, what the fuck are you blathering? You’re not making any sense. How could it be any more dangerous to love you than to anyone else in the wo –”
“Kazuya.” The one single word, the name, was spoken much more firmly than the words from before.
Die was startled, not understanding what was going on. “Huh? What about him?”
“He shot himself. A-and he said he loved me.”
“C’mon, one psycho goes and offs himself and you –” At that point Die was done with anger, done with frustration and just wanted to make the other man feel better. He placed his palm on the bassist’s shoulder, trying to talk in a calming voice, the best he could.
That was the point when Toshiya burst out, practically yelling as he interrupted the other man harshly. “Can’t you see it!? He killed himself because he loved me! I - I can’t!” He was drunk and shaking, and when Die instinctively pulled him close he didn’t even try to resist, only clutched him helplessly. His long fingers curled in the white cotton of the shirt, his tears making the fabric damp on Die’s shoulder. “I don’t want anything to happen to you, I can’t have anything happen to you. I can’t.”
Die just wrapped his arms around Toshiya’s form, hugging him tight. It was comforting, how easily the bassist fell into the warm embrace, how they were like made for holding each other like this. Gently, Die pressed a kiss on the soft puff of his friend’s hair, his voice soft but firm. “I’m not going anywhere.” He was shocked, no question about that, but he knew now wasn’t the time to talk it through. Not when the bassist was trembling like this, crying miserably against his shoulder like he hadn’t done in years.
It took long until Toshiya finally started to calm down, his frantic crying subsiding and his hysterical shaking easing up. Throughout the whole time, Die was there, holding the other man close, stroking his back, whispering reassuring words into his ear.
Somewhere in the dead of night Die managed to manoeuvre them both into Toshiya’s wide bed. Nothing fishy, he definitely had no intentions in taking advantage of his friend when he was in a state like that, but he simply knew they both needed some sleep. They needed to sleep off the drunkenness, the hysteria and the desperation of the moment. In the morning, things would look much different. Die just dragged them both in the bed, under the blanket although they were still fully dressed and he didn’t stop for longer than to kick off his shoes.
Die didn’t get much sleep in the end, he was dozing off a bit in between while holding the other man close and watching over his sleep instead. Toshiya was like passed out, the emotional uproar of the day making him sleep like a stone without even dreaming anything. Die simply kept on holding him, stroking his back slowly while listening to his steady breathing. He didn’t dare to allow himself to think, to hope, since he had no idea how things would now turn out.
It was already close to noon when Toshiya stirred finally, blinking sleepily to open his eyes. He seemed to startle when he saw Die there, but it took him exactly ten seconds to relax into the embrace again. He placed his head on Die’s shoulder, focusing on the steady beat of his heart for a while. It didn’t even startle him when the guitarist finally spoke up, his voice resonating in the otherwise still air in the room. “Good morning.”
The words made Toshiya smile, and instinctively he brought one arm around Die’s waist to hug him back when he replied. “Good morning.” It meant a lot to him to notice he wasn’t alone, that the other man was still there and didn’t seem to have any intention in leaving again. “You know,” he spoke up after a while, and from the way Die tensed a little bit he could tell he was listening. “If you still mean what you said, last night… I do, too. I mean, love you.”
That was more than enough if one asked Die and he showed it by hugging the other man a bit tighter against himself. “I do.” He admitted lowly, and somehow the words, as simple as they were, calmed him down a lot, made him believe things would work out. “I meant every bit I said then.” Toshiya only nodded at that, not replying anything with words. Silence fell upon them, a comfortable one this time as they focused on holding each other.
Toshiya was toying with the other man’s shirt, tugging on the fabric of it absent-mindedly. Suddenly he had to chuckle though, and one could hear the emotionality in his voice, the fact that tears weren’t far away even now. “Just look at me. I’m such a puff of a man and tried to grow muscle to turn myself to a total hunk, and still I cry like a girl…” There was clear amusement laced in his tone as well, showing that he still saw the humour in the situation.
So typical for him, Die couldn’t help but to think, and the words made him laugh lowly. “Don’t worry. I always knew you were girly.” He teased in return, as somehow falling back to the familiar banter was so easy. They had always mocked each other like this, lovingly of course.
That elicited a snort from the bassist, who even took the effort to tilt his head so he could look at the older man straight. “Now look who’s talking, mister ‘I use strawberry scented shampoo’!” He shot back his best comeuppance for the time being.
“But hey, it smells good!” Die defended himself, unable to hold back the laughter this time.
Suddenly, Toshiya moved and buried his nose into the other man’s hair, inhaling his scent deeply. His voice was dreamy when he spoke, hardly even audible and somehow the tone of it made Die’s heart skip a beat, his world stop turning for a second. “You’re right, it does.” Toshiya almost only whispered, going on after a second in a voice even lower. “But you smell even better.”
It made Die smile, and when Toshiya pulled back he looked him straight in the eye. “Does this mean that we can stop thinking about dying?” He tried tentatively, something careful in his voice as he wasn’t sure how to address the topic really. He knew they should talk about it still, and that they would, but not right now. Now they would just need to get back on track, calm down and maybe, just maybe they could try to begin building something from this. The talk could wait a few days. There would be a lot to sort through anyways, and although he knew it wouldn’t be an easy task somehow he was willing to take it upon himself anyway. “I’m not going anywhere, y’know.” He felt the need to add, still.
Toshiya smiled, softly, and there was clear affection in the touch when he brought up his hand, brushing his fingers over the older man’s cheek. “Yeah. I suppose we can.” He nodded a bit, the look in his eyes completely honest.
“Good.” Die smiled. He was practically shining, his eyes sparkling happily like he was a kid in the candy store. He couldn’t even hold back a low chuckle as he took the other man’s head between his palms, pressing their foreheads together. “Now shut up and kiss me.”
When their lips met they both had the feeling that things would turn out alright in the end. Things would work out, after all. As long as they’d stick together.
Previous Part
2009
Die had never been a patient man. When he wanted something, he wanted it instantly and waiting for it wasn’t exactly a virtue he’d possess. Yet, when it came to things that were immensely important for him, he found himself possessing some magical patience he hadn’t even known he had. He didn’t know where it came from, didn’t know how he managed to do it but it was there, and had surfaced several times without him even noticing it.
When he had realized that he was actually harbouring some romantic feelings towards his best friend and bandmate, he found that patience suddenly striking him again. A part of him wanted to go and shout out his love from the rooftops, and while he knew that it was a silly thing to do it was seriously hard for him to hold back and not to do it. Yet he didn’t want to scare the other man away, he didn’t want to screw this up and ruin everything by being too straightforward and too demanding. How did he know if Toshiya even would mirror the feelings, in the end? He thought he had seen the signs in the air, but it could still be he was mistaken and seeing things he only wished to be there.
So he didn’t want to act hastily, didn’t push the topic and waited for things to proceed at their natural pace. The perfect opportunity was presented to him sooner than he had even dared to hope for. It was Shinya’s birthday party and they had all gathered in a club they used to go in frequently since no one usually recognized or approached them there. For the beginning of the evening they had been dancing, more or less, and watching Shinya get all sweet and mushy with his fiancée the more drunk he got. Somewhere along the time people began to disappear though, some dancing and some trying to find some interesting company for the night. At least Kaoru was already hitting on a girl with big boobs and a skirt that looked more like a wide belt, and was obviously going to score that night.
What Die was more focused on, was the fact that it left him and Toshiya alone at the table. Toshiya had turned to real hunk of a man, muscles and sheer confidence practically radiating from him, and at that moment it struck Die like a knife in his guts. He wanted the other man, so badly that it hurt and he didn’t only want to have a hot night filled with screwing like bunnies with him but he wanted him for real. For himself. He was fully aware that it might not work out but he couldn’t give a damn about it, he was willing to try. They were adults, after all, if it didn’t work out they could always deal with it, right?
So when the magical moment happened and time seemed to stand still, he didn’t even try to dodge. Toshiya leaned closer to him, their lips brushing against each other softly in a chaste kiss that promised so much more already. The next second they snapped, at the same time and moved to deepen the kiss, so much it almost hurt. Die practically bit Toshiya’s lower lip as he was yanked closer, the bassist’s fingers tangling in the chocolate brown hair. All Die could think of was how his head was spinning, how good Toshiya tasted, how his knees went weak and how it felt so amazing to be finally kissing him, how it was so good to feel the strong chest against his own and how he wanted more, more.
The kiss turned into two kisses, three, four, a whole set of passionate and massive face-sucking. Eventually Die found himself practically lying half on the table, with the other man pinning him down on it as the kiss grew even rougher, more demanding. Finally, somehow in their alcohol induced minds they realized they might need to slow things down and pulled apart, both focusing on filling their lungs with the very much needed air for the time being.
It was Die who broke the silence first, bringing his hand up to the bassist’s cheek. “Shit, Tosh… this feels so weird.” He snickered, his laughter joined by the other man. “I know. But I needed it.” That was the easy explanation and Die settled for it, gladly, as he heard Toshiya voice it out. It was a good start at least, since now they had established that they both indeed did want it. He looked up, into Toshiya’s deep eyes and somehow that gave him the final courage to go on with the statement.
“You know, Tosh,” his voice was low and husky, and he was absolutely certain that he saw the same feelings mirrored in the younger man’s eyes that he was harbouring inside of him. He took the final deep breath, before venturing out to say the words he had never voice before while meaning them so much. “I think I’m in love with you.”
He had prepared for several different reactions, but nothing had come even close to the look of sheer terror he now saw in Toshiya’s eyes. He could feel the younger man tense, saw the panicked look he gave him before abruptly yanking himself away. He practically ran, fled the scenery without looking back, without a single word of explanation.
Die was frozen. He just sat there and watched his best friend run away.
It only took a few moments for Die to startle from the lethargic state and actually go after the other man. He used a few minutes to mentally beat himself up for bringing it up so fast, but swiftly went over to disbelief and even anger. What kind of reaction had that been, damnit!? One didn’t just run away like that, not after a love confession and especially if it came from his best friend. What made him confused the most was that he was still certain he had seen it in Toshiya’s eyes, had seen the same feelings deep within there and couldn’t believe he’d been just imagining things.
He went to look for Toshiya, and the first guess to find him at his apartment had been the correct one. Miraculously, Toshiya even opened the door when Die rang the bell demandingly, looking as startled and dishevelled as he had looked just before running away. He tried to slam the door shut in front of Die, again, but the guitarist held him back and practically forced his way into the apartment. “Stop it, Tosh! You will now talk to me. C’mon, you can tell me you hate me if you want, just fucking talk! Don’t do this to me.” He wanted an explanation, and he bloody well would get one.
With a huge sigh, Toshiya closed the door after the other man, following him into the living room. There, he just stood in the middle of the floor, not saying a single word. He looked somehow out of it, like he wasn’t really present in the moment and that was enough to make Die almost panic. He didn’t let it show though, but instead turned around to face the other man as he spoke up. “So. Talk to me. C’mon Toshiya.” He put as much encouragement in his voice as he could, trying to urge the other man to say something, anything.
The silence was deafening. It seemed to drag on forever but Die was determined not to say anything, not before the other man would say something in between. Yet he was already on the verge of giving up, almost repeated what he had said before when a silent voice sounded through the air. “You… you meant what you said?” Toshiya spoke so lowly it was almost impossible to hear, and he didn’t even dare to look up at the guitarist and instead pretended to be immensely interested in the pattern of his carpet.
“Meant?” The words made Die angry, as tentatively as they were spoken. Didn’t the bassist know him better than that? He had a fiery temper, and he couldn’t hold back before it exploded. “Of course I meant what I said! I don’t fucking go around confessing my eternal love to my best friends just to get a kick out of it! I’ve been thinking of it for longer and I know what I’m saying. Tosh,” he forced himself to take a deep breath, to calm down and to sound more controlled. When he went on he looked straight at the other man, nothing but honesty in his whole posture. “I really do love you. Whether you want it or not.”
The next thing he knew was that there was a single tear glimmering on Toshiya’s cheek and that made him panic. He hadn’t wanted that! He didn’t want to make the other man cry for god’s sake, he had only wanted a bit more of those kisses and maybe something more and certainly not a scene like this. Toshiya sank down on the couch, sitting on the edge like a picture of sheer misery. “It’s not that I don’t want it…” His voice was still silent, and he stubbornly refused to look up to Die while speaking.
The anger was gone, replaced by worry and instinctively Die sat down on the couch as well, right beside his friend. When he spoke up, there was only a slight hint of the annoyance from before, as he gently urged the other to go on with his words. “Then what is it?” He wanted to get to the bottom of this, really sort it out now that they were knee-deep in the mess anyways.
Toshiya stuttered, running his fingers through his hair in a nervous gesture. One could see he was both drunk and really shaken up by all this, the tears still not far away. Finally, he managed to get the words out, trying to explain everything shortly. “I… it’s dangerous to love me.” It was the best he could offer, now at least.
“Dangerous?” Die sounded completely disbelieving, even a hint of the previous anger reflecting from the tone of his voice as he had no idea where this was now coming from. He tried his best to calm down though, knowing that it wouldn’t do any good if they both would be totally shaken and crying and yelling. He would better to be calm, the best he could. “C’mon Tosh, what the fuck are you blathering? You’re not making any sense. How could it be any more dangerous to love you than to anyone else in the wo –”
“Kazuya.” The one single word, the name, was spoken much more firmly than the words from before.
Die was startled, not understanding what was going on. “Huh? What about him?”
“He shot himself. A-and he said he loved me.”
“C’mon, one psycho goes and offs himself and you –” At that point Die was done with anger, done with frustration and just wanted to make the other man feel better. He placed his palm on the bassist’s shoulder, trying to talk in a calming voice, the best he could.
That was the point when Toshiya burst out, practically yelling as he interrupted the other man harshly. “Can’t you see it!? He killed himself because he loved me! I - I can’t!” He was drunk and shaking, and when Die instinctively pulled him close he didn’t even try to resist, only clutched him helplessly. His long fingers curled in the white cotton of the shirt, his tears making the fabric damp on Die’s shoulder. “I don’t want anything to happen to you, I can’t have anything happen to you. I can’t.”
Die just wrapped his arms around Toshiya’s form, hugging him tight. It was comforting, how easily the bassist fell into the warm embrace, how they were like made for holding each other like this. Gently, Die pressed a kiss on the soft puff of his friend’s hair, his voice soft but firm. “I’m not going anywhere.” He was shocked, no question about that, but he knew now wasn’t the time to talk it through. Not when the bassist was trembling like this, crying miserably against his shoulder like he hadn’t done in years.
It took long until Toshiya finally started to calm down, his frantic crying subsiding and his hysterical shaking easing up. Throughout the whole time, Die was there, holding the other man close, stroking his back, whispering reassuring words into his ear.
Somewhere in the dead of night Die managed to manoeuvre them both into Toshiya’s wide bed. Nothing fishy, he definitely had no intentions in taking advantage of his friend when he was in a state like that, but he simply knew they both needed some sleep. They needed to sleep off the drunkenness, the hysteria and the desperation of the moment. In the morning, things would look much different. Die just dragged them both in the bed, under the blanket although they were still fully dressed and he didn’t stop for longer than to kick off his shoes.
Die didn’t get much sleep in the end, he was dozing off a bit in between while holding the other man close and watching over his sleep instead. Toshiya was like passed out, the emotional uproar of the day making him sleep like a stone without even dreaming anything. Die simply kept on holding him, stroking his back slowly while listening to his steady breathing. He didn’t dare to allow himself to think, to hope, since he had no idea how things would now turn out.
It was already close to noon when Toshiya stirred finally, blinking sleepily to open his eyes. He seemed to startle when he saw Die there, but it took him exactly ten seconds to relax into the embrace again. He placed his head on Die’s shoulder, focusing on the steady beat of his heart for a while. It didn’t even startle him when the guitarist finally spoke up, his voice resonating in the otherwise still air in the room. “Good morning.”
The words made Toshiya smile, and instinctively he brought one arm around Die’s waist to hug him back when he replied. “Good morning.” It meant a lot to him to notice he wasn’t alone, that the other man was still there and didn’t seem to have any intention in leaving again. “You know,” he spoke up after a while, and from the way Die tensed a little bit he could tell he was listening. “If you still mean what you said, last night… I do, too. I mean, love you.”
That was more than enough if one asked Die and he showed it by hugging the other man a bit tighter against himself. “I do.” He admitted lowly, and somehow the words, as simple as they were, calmed him down a lot, made him believe things would work out. “I meant every bit I said then.” Toshiya only nodded at that, not replying anything with words. Silence fell upon them, a comfortable one this time as they focused on holding each other.
Toshiya was toying with the other man’s shirt, tugging on the fabric of it absent-mindedly. Suddenly he had to chuckle though, and one could hear the emotionality in his voice, the fact that tears weren’t far away even now. “Just look at me. I’m such a puff of a man and tried to grow muscle to turn myself to a total hunk, and still I cry like a girl…” There was clear amusement laced in his tone as well, showing that he still saw the humour in the situation.
So typical for him, Die couldn’t help but to think, and the words made him laugh lowly. “Don’t worry. I always knew you were girly.” He teased in return, as somehow falling back to the familiar banter was so easy. They had always mocked each other like this, lovingly of course.
That elicited a snort from the bassist, who even took the effort to tilt his head so he could look at the older man straight. “Now look who’s talking, mister ‘I use strawberry scented shampoo’!” He shot back his best comeuppance for the time being.
“But hey, it smells good!” Die defended himself, unable to hold back the laughter this time.
Suddenly, Toshiya moved and buried his nose into the other man’s hair, inhaling his scent deeply. His voice was dreamy when he spoke, hardly even audible and somehow the tone of it made Die’s heart skip a beat, his world stop turning for a second. “You’re right, it does.” Toshiya almost only whispered, going on after a second in a voice even lower. “But you smell even better.”
It made Die smile, and when Toshiya pulled back he looked him straight in the eye. “Does this mean that we can stop thinking about dying?” He tried tentatively, something careful in his voice as he wasn’t sure how to address the topic really. He knew they should talk about it still, and that they would, but not right now. Now they would just need to get back on track, calm down and maybe, just maybe they could try to begin building something from this. The talk could wait a few days. There would be a lot to sort through anyways, and although he knew it wouldn’t be an easy task somehow he was willing to take it upon himself anyway. “I’m not going anywhere, y’know.” He felt the need to add, still.
Toshiya smiled, softly, and there was clear affection in the touch when he brought up his hand, brushing his fingers over the older man’s cheek. “Yeah. I suppose we can.” He nodded a bit, the look in his eyes completely honest.
“Good.” Die smiled. He was practically shining, his eyes sparkling happily like he was a kid in the candy store. He couldn’t even hold back a low chuckle as he took the other man’s head between his palms, pressing their foreheads together. “Now shut up and kiss me.”
When their lips met they both had the feeling that things would turn out alright in the end. Things would work out, after all. As long as they’d stick together.