rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2009-09-13 02:27 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2009-09-13 02:27 pm
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Title: A Long Way
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seinen_no
Rating: PG
Pairing: Die/Toshiya
Disclaimer: The Dirus are mine and who claims something else is a blunt liar!
Summary: Not really needed here. It's a quiet moment in bed...
Comment: I don't think this needs many comments. It's a slow moment and more a longer drabble than a real fic. Still, I hope you enjoy reading it, because I enjoyed writing it^^
Oh, I think it's the first time I wrote something in first person and in simple present. It was weird for me and I hope I didn't make too many mistakes. Again, thanks to my hunneyfonulyn for proofreading! It's Die's POV, btw.
A Long Way
My fingertips run softly over the smooth skin of his arm without even recognizing it. I can't sleep. It doesn't matter though, doesn't happen that often anymore. I press myself closer to his warm body, curl around his back and seek more physical contact. Partly, because my ass is dangling over the edge of the small bed. Our management still refuses to book a room with one king-size bed for us and since neither of us wants to sleep in the crack, we don't push the two beds next to each other but rather share one. I don't want to complain though.
We've come a long way. Us, the guys, the management, we all had to learn to accept and to compromise. It wasn't always easy, certainly no picnic, but I survived; survived because of him. He is my steady rock, the one who taught me so many things about life and all that without ever lecturing me. I've had so many complexes, still have, but thanks to him, many of them are fading or fell into a deep slumber.
Everybody knew me as the one who's afraid of commitments. Truth is, I've always been too afraid to lead a real relationship, to fall in love, because I always thought about the moment when it would end. Even in the beginning, I saw the other one walk out on me one day and leave me in solitude. I am not good at arguing, can't come up with the right words at the given moment. So I always rather took the easy way out, dodged everything that could have become uncomfortable. The fear is still there, sleeping deep inside me and sometimes, at nights like these, it surfaces again. He could leave me; could decide that this isn't working, that I'm not good enough, that I don't love him enough, that our situation is too stuck to get it going again. These thoughts put a ring of steel around my heart, bring a lump to my throat and I can't help it. If he ever decides to go, he will take everything that is me with him. We've become one throughout all this time and that although it took us more than seven years of friendship until we first kissed.
If he has ever been afraid that this couldn't work, that this was putting everything we are working and living for, the band, into jeopardy, he didn't show it one single second. He seems to be the most self-confident person on earth when it comes to this. Despite everybody's belief, we managed to walk the tightrope between friendship and love. Together, or more with his seemingly endless enthusiasm and energy, we developed something that is a real, steady, relationship with everything that's going along with it. A part of me still can't believe that he loves me with all my quirks and weird habits. Instead of trying to change me though, he simply accepts them, leaves me alone when I'm grumpy in the mornings without making me feel abandoned. Only he can do that.
I can see the side of his face through the leaden darkness, see those features that are as gorgeous as they have always been. We've really come a long way...
The days of red hair and blue lipstick are over, but while the exterior changed, we are still the same people inside. Especially I, who still fights his demons every day. I know it sounds overly dramatic, but I don't know if I were still alive if it wasn't for him. Like naturally, he made me eat regularly, even gain some weight without making me feel ugly, made me quit drinking the nights through and pass out in the mornings. He gave me a good reason to be sober.
I chuckle a bit as I remember an incident where he firmly, but gently took the glass out of my hand, looked me in the eye and said with a mixture of amusement and deep conviction, "Man, you can't fuck when you're drunk."
How many nights of passionate ecstasy would I have missed if I hadn't taken that advice? Countless! That is typical for him. He always leaves you the choice but gives you a good reason why you should walk down the right path; his path. He is the first person I met who really takes me as I am, who knows me better than I do and who never tried to put me into a cage while I on the other hand sometimes felt like tying him to me. We both are flirts, get along with people easily, make friends easily, but everything with the tiny difference that he always was genuine while I was a fake. In reality I was insecure and the time came when that part of me surfaced, awoke the green monster in me and it put everything we had at risk.
All that is long over now. I know that he is mine and that I don't have to worry about him leaving me for anyone better. He had had the opportunity more than once. That must be the reason why I love him so unconditionally; why I handed him my heart and all that belongs to it. Maybe he will leave me one day and what we have will break into a thousand pieces. Right now, I can't imagine how life would be without him, without his smile, his laughter, his touches, his love... He even taught me that an argument isn't the end of the world and it doesn't mean everything's over.
I remember our first bad argument. He was so angry at me and I thought it was the end of the world when he slammed the door shut behind him. It took one full hour till he came back. I was sitting on his bed, back then we still had two apartments, was crying and packed my belongings into a bag. When he realized what I was doing, I saw pure shock in his eyes. He was terrified and it took him a good deal of time till he dared to ask me what I was doing. I was hardly able to speak through the sobs and told him I am packing my stuff because after this argument, he most definitely wouldn't want me in his apartment and life anymore. And I still remember what he did then. Laugh. He was laughing loud and hard and although at first I thought he was laughing at me and my misery, I realized pretty quickly that he was laughing at my stupidity.
Yes, we've come a long way...
We had our fair share of wild parties through the whole night, success with the band and of course passionate sex. Gods, the sex... Still, all these things became a bit less with the years. The parties are rare, turned into small gatherings of good friends with food and wine, the sex is slower, more loving and goes deeply under the skin these days. It's more violins and harps than trumpets and fanfares. Different, but not any less perfect. Only the band is still there, the routine of recording albums and touring keeping us alive.
He shifts a bit and opens his eyes. I can see that he's instantly wide awake when he notices I'm not sleeping. Still, his voice sounds oddly different, creaking like an old door when he speaks up. "What's wrong baby? Can't sleep?" The smile he gives me lightens the whole room although it's faint and yet speaks of all the emotions he holds for me. He turns around in my arms, brings our faces very close to each other and kisses me gently before I have the time to reply anything.
Yes, we've come a long way, but there's a long way ahead of us still and I will enjoy every step of it.
Author:
seinen_noRating: PG
Pairing: Die/Toshiya
Disclaimer: The Dirus are mine and who claims something else is a blunt liar!
Summary: Not really needed here. It's a quiet moment in bed...
Comment: I don't think this needs many comments. It's a slow moment and more a longer drabble than a real fic. Still, I hope you enjoy reading it, because I enjoyed writing it^^
Oh, I think it's the first time I wrote something in first person and in simple present. It was weird for me and I hope I didn't make too many mistakes. Again, thanks to my hunney
fonulyn for proofreading! It's Die's POV, btw.My fingertips run softly over the smooth skin of his arm without even recognizing it. I can't sleep. It doesn't matter though, doesn't happen that often anymore. I press myself closer to his warm body, curl around his back and seek more physical contact. Partly, because my ass is dangling over the edge of the small bed. Our management still refuses to book a room with one king-size bed for us and since neither of us wants to sleep in the crack, we don't push the two beds next to each other but rather share one. I don't want to complain though.
We've come a long way. Us, the guys, the management, we all had to learn to accept and to compromise. It wasn't always easy, certainly no picnic, but I survived; survived because of him. He is my steady rock, the one who taught me so many things about life and all that without ever lecturing me. I've had so many complexes, still have, but thanks to him, many of them are fading or fell into a deep slumber.
Everybody knew me as the one who's afraid of commitments. Truth is, I've always been too afraid to lead a real relationship, to fall in love, because I always thought about the moment when it would end. Even in the beginning, I saw the other one walk out on me one day and leave me in solitude. I am not good at arguing, can't come up with the right words at the given moment. So I always rather took the easy way out, dodged everything that could have become uncomfortable. The fear is still there, sleeping deep inside me and sometimes, at nights like these, it surfaces again. He could leave me; could decide that this isn't working, that I'm not good enough, that I don't love him enough, that our situation is too stuck to get it going again. These thoughts put a ring of steel around my heart, bring a lump to my throat and I can't help it. If he ever decides to go, he will take everything that is me with him. We've become one throughout all this time and that although it took us more than seven years of friendship until we first kissed.
If he has ever been afraid that this couldn't work, that this was putting everything we are working and living for, the band, into jeopardy, he didn't show it one single second. He seems to be the most self-confident person on earth when it comes to this. Despite everybody's belief, we managed to walk the tightrope between friendship and love. Together, or more with his seemingly endless enthusiasm and energy, we developed something that is a real, steady, relationship with everything that's going along with it. A part of me still can't believe that he loves me with all my quirks and weird habits. Instead of trying to change me though, he simply accepts them, leaves me alone when I'm grumpy in the mornings without making me feel abandoned. Only he can do that.
I can see the side of his face through the leaden darkness, see those features that are as gorgeous as they have always been. We've really come a long way...
The days of red hair and blue lipstick are over, but while the exterior changed, we are still the same people inside. Especially I, who still fights his demons every day. I know it sounds overly dramatic, but I don't know if I were still alive if it wasn't for him. Like naturally, he made me eat regularly, even gain some weight without making me feel ugly, made me quit drinking the nights through and pass out in the mornings. He gave me a good reason to be sober.
I chuckle a bit as I remember an incident where he firmly, but gently took the glass out of my hand, looked me in the eye and said with a mixture of amusement and deep conviction, "Man, you can't fuck when you're drunk."
How many nights of passionate ecstasy would I have missed if I hadn't taken that advice? Countless! That is typical for him. He always leaves you the choice but gives you a good reason why you should walk down the right path; his path. He is the first person I met who really takes me as I am, who knows me better than I do and who never tried to put me into a cage while I on the other hand sometimes felt like tying him to me. We both are flirts, get along with people easily, make friends easily, but everything with the tiny difference that he always was genuine while I was a fake. In reality I was insecure and the time came when that part of me surfaced, awoke the green monster in me and it put everything we had at risk.
All that is long over now. I know that he is mine and that I don't have to worry about him leaving me for anyone better. He had had the opportunity more than once. That must be the reason why I love him so unconditionally; why I handed him my heart and all that belongs to it. Maybe he will leave me one day and what we have will break into a thousand pieces. Right now, I can't imagine how life would be without him, without his smile, his laughter, his touches, his love... He even taught me that an argument isn't the end of the world and it doesn't mean everything's over.
I remember our first bad argument. He was so angry at me and I thought it was the end of the world when he slammed the door shut behind him. It took one full hour till he came back. I was sitting on his bed, back then we still had two apartments, was crying and packed my belongings into a bag. When he realized what I was doing, I saw pure shock in his eyes. He was terrified and it took him a good deal of time till he dared to ask me what I was doing. I was hardly able to speak through the sobs and told him I am packing my stuff because after this argument, he most definitely wouldn't want me in his apartment and life anymore. And I still remember what he did then. Laugh. He was laughing loud and hard and although at first I thought he was laughing at me and my misery, I realized pretty quickly that he was laughing at my stupidity.
Yes, we've come a long way...
We had our fair share of wild parties through the whole night, success with the band and of course passionate sex. Gods, the sex... Still, all these things became a bit less with the years. The parties are rare, turned into small gatherings of good friends with food and wine, the sex is slower, more loving and goes deeply under the skin these days. It's more violins and harps than trumpets and fanfares. Different, but not any less perfect. Only the band is still there, the routine of recording albums and touring keeping us alive.
He shifts a bit and opens his eyes. I can see that he's instantly wide awake when he notices I'm not sleeping. Still, his voice sounds oddly different, creaking like an old door when he speaks up. "What's wrong baby? Can't sleep?" The smile he gives me lightens the whole room although it's faint and yet speaks of all the emotions he holds for me. He turns around in my arms, brings our faces very close to each other and kisses me gently before I have the time to reply anything.
Yes, we've come a long way, but there's a long way ahead of us still and I will enjoy every step of it.