rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 06:43 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 06:43 pm
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Title: The Heart
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fonulyn
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kaoru and Die [Dir en grey]
Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do NOT get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: Well... I hope you enjoy? :)
The Heart
You know, there’s one thing I’ve learned during all these years in which I’ve been a part of this band. Well, I’ve learned a lot, but this one thing never ceases to amaze me. It’s how different people are, and how five totally different persons can run a band together and make it work. Even better make it perfect, like no human being alone could do.
I’m the leader in this band I’m in. I also bring in the rational thinking, and I’m the only one who can take care of our schedules so that everything won’t fall apart. So I’m the reason, the brain.
Our bassist brings charm and style. He always looks good, and he had this amazing ability to get along with everyone. On stage he’s like at home, bringing confidence into every one of us.
The drummer brings a kind of safety. We can always depend on his calmness and in his ability not to panic no matter how bad things seem to be. He is the steady rock in the ocean we can hold on.
The art and creativity stream from our vocalist. He is the endless source of high-class lyrics and never ending ideas. He pretty much makes the band what it is, with his unique voice and undeniable talent.
Then there’s our rhythm guitarist. The tall redhead with a wide smile and sparkling eyes. He has a fun loving attitude and there’s no one else in this world with more happiness to share.
He is the heart.
And he stole mine.
***
I’ve always pretended to be the strong one, while the truth is I’m awfully insecure. Especially when it comes to emotions and relationships. See, I’m more the rational kind of person, thinking and re-thinking everything. So when he turned my world upside down I was helpless. I didn’t know what to do. On the one hand I would’ve done anything in my power to make him mine. But the other half of me didn’t want to give in, didn’t want to be like that; didn’t want to be in love.
Slowly I began to realize that he was everything to me. The dream I had every night, the one thought that was in my head wherever I went. It wasn’t like I lost the capability to work or so, I still managed to do everything I needed. In fact, it was quite a lot easier than one might think. I lived perfectly normal life, except that every moment he was on my mind. Somewhere inside my skull, behind the rationality’s veil.
Everything went quite fast once things started to proceed. One night after practice he came to my place. I had invited them all, to watch a movie or something. Every once in a while I felt like we needed to do something besides practice together, all five of us, and then I arranged these evenings consisting of watching a movie, drinking and eating. That evening everyone else left early and he stayed behind, saying he needed to talk with me.
We sat in my living room, on the same couch we had been sitting while watching the film earlier that day. But now there was only the two of us. He cleared his throat, looked nervous. I held my breath and waited for what he had to say. Then he looked at me and slowly spoke, each word falling from his lips like a raindrop from the clouds.
‘I care for you’, he began, nervously playing with the hem of his shirt, ‘I care for you a lot’. I felt a lump in my throat, threatening to choke me. I fought, trying not to get torn into pieces by my own mixed up emotions. There was a pause and he bit his lip before breaking the silence. ‘I know this sounds pathetic, but I love you.’
‘I love you.’
There it was. He really had said it. And instantly I got lost in the moment and leaned in to press my lips on his. Somehow I felt whole. But after those seconds my rational mind jumped in and I quickly pulled away. I told him to go, to leave and let me be alone. At least for that evening.
I spent the night thinking about my life, how it was and how it could be. I thought hard about the good and the bad sides of getting involved with a bandmate. But after I had run out of all the reasons I still hadn’t decided.
All I needed to make it real was one more reason. And he gave me the reason. To be exact, he was the reason.
When he looked into my eyes I saw no questions, only answers. It was like this was the easiest thing on earth, and I had only managed to make it complicated in my own mind.
There was no way I could’ve said ‘no’ when he asked me the question that made my world go round in circles. Or it really wasn’t a question, more like a statement, telling me that’s how it should be, how it’s supposed to be. I just always think of it as the point where my world fell into its place.
I can still hear his words echoing in my ears. That conversation is forever imprinted in my memory. How he came to me the next day and simply stated what he felt.
“I need you.” He stood in the doorway, looking at me. I shook my head frantically. Couldn’t he see that I didn’t know what to do, what to think?
“Don’t say that. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to give you what you want.” I had to protest, at the same time knowing perfectly well that I was lying. I could do it, if I only tried enough. I could give him everything he wanted, since all he craved for was me.
“People aren’t supposed to know everything in advance. Just improvise, that’s what makes life worth living.” There it was again, the fun-loving carefree attitude that drew me to him in the first place.
“But the world is cruel, Die. What if we can’t make it? What if the world breaks us? What if…” I spat out the questions as fast as they rose from the confines of my mind. All the ‘what ifs’ that had been haunting my every moment.
He silenced me by raising his hand. “Do you love me?”
“Yes…” I nodded shakily, my whole world being like a jigsaw puzzle with half of the pieces missing. He however made my life complete. In only seconds, with one single sentence, he cleared the mist and I could see again. He brought me the solution, while I had been too blind and stupid to see it.
“Then let me be with you.”
***
There’s no such thing as eternal happiness, everything comes to an end some day. But human life is limited, so that happiness can last for a lifetime.
I want to grow old, so I can spend every minute of my remaining time with him.
He is the heart.
He is my heart.
Author:
fonulynRating: PG
Pairing: Kaoru and Die [Dir en grey]
Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do NOT get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: Well... I hope you enjoy? :)
You know, there’s one thing I’ve learned during all these years in which I’ve been a part of this band. Well, I’ve learned a lot, but this one thing never ceases to amaze me. It’s how different people are, and how five totally different persons can run a band together and make it work. Even better make it perfect, like no human being alone could do.
I’m the leader in this band I’m in. I also bring in the rational thinking, and I’m the only one who can take care of our schedules so that everything won’t fall apart. So I’m the reason, the brain.
Our bassist brings charm and style. He always looks good, and he had this amazing ability to get along with everyone. On stage he’s like at home, bringing confidence into every one of us.
The drummer brings a kind of safety. We can always depend on his calmness and in his ability not to panic no matter how bad things seem to be. He is the steady rock in the ocean we can hold on.
The art and creativity stream from our vocalist. He is the endless source of high-class lyrics and never ending ideas. He pretty much makes the band what it is, with his unique voice and undeniable talent.
Then there’s our rhythm guitarist. The tall redhead with a wide smile and sparkling eyes. He has a fun loving attitude and there’s no one else in this world with more happiness to share.
He is the heart.
And he stole mine.
I’ve always pretended to be the strong one, while the truth is I’m awfully insecure. Especially when it comes to emotions and relationships. See, I’m more the rational kind of person, thinking and re-thinking everything. So when he turned my world upside down I was helpless. I didn’t know what to do. On the one hand I would’ve done anything in my power to make him mine. But the other half of me didn’t want to give in, didn’t want to be like that; didn’t want to be in love.
Slowly I began to realize that he was everything to me. The dream I had every night, the one thought that was in my head wherever I went. It wasn’t like I lost the capability to work or so, I still managed to do everything I needed. In fact, it was quite a lot easier than one might think. I lived perfectly normal life, except that every moment he was on my mind. Somewhere inside my skull, behind the rationality’s veil.
Everything went quite fast once things started to proceed. One night after practice he came to my place. I had invited them all, to watch a movie or something. Every once in a while I felt like we needed to do something besides practice together, all five of us, and then I arranged these evenings consisting of watching a movie, drinking and eating. That evening everyone else left early and he stayed behind, saying he needed to talk with me.
We sat in my living room, on the same couch we had been sitting while watching the film earlier that day. But now there was only the two of us. He cleared his throat, looked nervous. I held my breath and waited for what he had to say. Then he looked at me and slowly spoke, each word falling from his lips like a raindrop from the clouds.
‘I care for you’, he began, nervously playing with the hem of his shirt, ‘I care for you a lot’. I felt a lump in my throat, threatening to choke me. I fought, trying not to get torn into pieces by my own mixed up emotions. There was a pause and he bit his lip before breaking the silence. ‘I know this sounds pathetic, but I love you.’
‘I love you.’
There it was. He really had said it. And instantly I got lost in the moment and leaned in to press my lips on his. Somehow I felt whole. But after those seconds my rational mind jumped in and I quickly pulled away. I told him to go, to leave and let me be alone. At least for that evening.
I spent the night thinking about my life, how it was and how it could be. I thought hard about the good and the bad sides of getting involved with a bandmate. But after I had run out of all the reasons I still hadn’t decided.
All I needed to make it real was one more reason. And he gave me the reason. To be exact, he was the reason.
When he looked into my eyes I saw no questions, only answers. It was like this was the easiest thing on earth, and I had only managed to make it complicated in my own mind.
There was no way I could’ve said ‘no’ when he asked me the question that made my world go round in circles. Or it really wasn’t a question, more like a statement, telling me that’s how it should be, how it’s supposed to be. I just always think of it as the point where my world fell into its place.
I can still hear his words echoing in my ears. That conversation is forever imprinted in my memory. How he came to me the next day and simply stated what he felt.
“I need you.” He stood in the doorway, looking at me. I shook my head frantically. Couldn’t he see that I didn’t know what to do, what to think?
“Don’t say that. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to give you what you want.” I had to protest, at the same time knowing perfectly well that I was lying. I could do it, if I only tried enough. I could give him everything he wanted, since all he craved for was me.
“People aren’t supposed to know everything in advance. Just improvise, that’s what makes life worth living.” There it was again, the fun-loving carefree attitude that drew me to him in the first place.
“But the world is cruel, Die. What if we can’t make it? What if the world breaks us? What if…” I spat out the questions as fast as they rose from the confines of my mind. All the ‘what ifs’ that had been haunting my every moment.
He silenced me by raising his hand. “Do you love me?”
“Yes…” I nodded shakily, my whole world being like a jigsaw puzzle with half of the pieces missing. He however made my life complete. In only seconds, with one single sentence, he cleared the mist and I could see again. He brought me the solution, while I had been too blind and stupid to see it.
“Then let me be with you.”
There’s no such thing as eternal happiness, everything comes to an end some day. But human life is limited, so that happiness can last for a lifetime.
I want to grow old, so I can spend every minute of my remaining time with him.
He is the heart.
He is my heart.