rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-11-02 08:23 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2007-11-02 08:23 pm
(no subject)
Title: First Love, Last Love; Chapter 10
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seinen_no and fonulyn
Rating: NC17 overall
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: When Kaoru and his wife get a divorce, he is forced to leave his little daughter to live with her mother when he’s moving out. He finds support in his best friend, but is friendship everything life has in store for them? Or is their past together going to resurface now that Kaoru’s life has been turned upside down?[yes, I am aware that sounds like an ad for a b-class soap opera XD]
Comments:
seinen_no: Hi dears! I know it took us a bit longer again to post this chap and so I spare you all the babbling and only wish you fun reading.
fonulyn: I’ll let you go to the chapter with equally short comment x) I don’t even know how to stay still right now as I just realized I’m friggin’ going to see Dir en grey the day after tomorrow! *bounces* haha, sorry, I just had to get it out XD Enjoy the chapter!
And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Plus, the archive .
Previously happened: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9
First Love, Last Love
Chapter 10
Kaoru was out to watch a movie with an old friend and since Die didn't like that friend very much, he staid at home. Very much to his surprise, the door opened soon and he heard Mika come home although it was still early and they had allowed her to go to a certain party and stay over night at her best friend Ami's place. Wordlessly, the girl crossed the room and slammed her door shut, ignoring the redhead on the couch. He heard her gripe loudly though and some things hit the wall.
Suddenly, she stormed out, her face flushed and her eyes shimmering with a mixture of rage and sadness. "Die, can I ask you something?" she began and before the man had a chance to reply, she went on. "Say, when two friends want the same guy and they agree upon leaving him to the one whom he chooses, are you a bad friend and a selfish bitch when the winner doesn't drop him?"
"When the winner doesn't drop him?" Die looked somewhat puzzled and turned his attention completely towards the girl, setting down the magazine he had been reading. "Wanna explain the situation a bit more?" He wasn't sure if he what the girl had meant, and he had to admit he was a bit freaked since she seemed to be about to cry.
Mika was still standing and just looked at him for a few seconds, obviously fighting for composure. She didn't like it when she lost control, just like her father. "There's this super-cute and really sweet guy, Sho, and Ami spotted him first. But I honestly like that guy and she friggin’ knows it. Okay, so I suggested that we just both hit on him and the loser steps aside. You know, like letting him decide." She was babbling fast, seemingly without taking a breath in between.
"Well, and he chose me and now Ami says I'm a selfish, conceited bitch because I didn't decline." The last words were barely audible since tears were beginning to flow over her cheeks in torrents, sobs breaking her voice and she launched herself at the redhead, burying her face in the crook of his shoulder.
At first Die didn't know what to say and just patted her back, hugged her tight and tryed to calm her down somewhat. "Don't cry, Mika, please." He thought it'd be best to only hold her close and wait until she calmed down before talking to her about it. "You didn't do anything wrong."
She lifted her head and looked at him from reddened eyes. "But Ami hates me now and she said I'm a bad friend and I shouldn't even think about taking the guy she wants as well." She was practically yelling, too agitated to calm down.
"She doesn't hate you." The redhead kept calm, successfully even managing to cover his own nervousness about that he wasn't sure what to say. "She's probably just upset since she didn't get picked. It'll pass."
"How can you know? She threw me out and said she never ever wants to talk to me again." Mika was now half sitting on Die's lap. Her voice was a bit more quiet, but there were still tears welling in her eyes. "We've been best friends forever and we swore that no guy will tear our friendship apart." A forceful sob shook her. "I asked her again, if it was okay for her, when he asked me out and she told me to go ahead. But when I did, she freaked out..."
"I don't think that this will be the end of your friendship, really." Gently, Die moved away a strand of hair from the girl's face, pulling her completely to his lap. "If you really like this guy, and he likes you, it's only fair you can give it a shot together. Give Ami a few days to calm down and then talk to her about it seriously."
"You don't understand," Mika shook her head, again sobbing. "She has never been like that and Sho, Sho's really a hottie. He's the one EVERY girl just wants and now I have him and everybody hates me."
"How much do you exactly like him?" Die asked, trying to look her in the eye. "And I don't mean how good he looks but is it really him you want to be with?" He wasn't sure how serious this kind of teenaged crush would be, but he knew that nothing pissed young people off more than treating their feelings like something not serious or important. And it WAS important what she felt.
"A lot." Mika answered seriously. "I like him since longer already. He's playing baseball and participated in one of our plays. We got along so well, but he was always outta reach, you know. But as it seemed, he just didn't dare to ask me out. And now Ami and all my other friends hate me." She again started to cry, hugging the redhead tightly.
"They don't really hate you. They're just disappointed since this cool guy is now unavailable. They'll get over it." He hugged her back, just trying to soothe her somehow. He really believed what he said though, as he was willing to believe that Mika's friends would forgive her this incident when they noticed that she didn't do anything wrong exactly and that there are other cool guys still around. "And it wouldn't be fair if you dropped your chance to be happy with him just to please your friends."
"I don't care for the others, but Ami said I always get the good guys because I'm dad's daughter and sometimes I think she's right. Maybe I shouldn't have been born. Then you and dad would've gotten together earlier and I wouldn't cause any troubles for anybody." Of course she was not serious if she had thought about it more, but at least at that moment she was convinced of that.
"Stop that." Die looked straight at her, suddenly dead serious. "Don't ever think like that. You're special, and our lives would be so much emptier without you around." He smiled a bit, softly. "Of course I'm kinda sad I didn't manage to stay together with Kao the first time we tried, but I'm friggin' happy that you were born. So in the end it was best for everyone how things went."
"Thank you." A faint smile found its way to the girl's lips, the tears slowly subsiding. "But it's so hard. I seemingly can't do anything right and I honestly don't want to argue with Ami, but I want to be with Sho too."
"It's always hard to argue with friends, believe me I've been there too." The redhead was relieved to see the girl even trying to smile. "You just have to trust she wants to settle things if you only give her a bit time to calm down. If she's really your friend she won't hold this against you."
"Think so?" Mika looked at him straight. "I just don't know what to do now. Shall I call her or then wait and shall I try to explain or just not mention Sho again?"
"Give her a bit time and call her in a couple of days or go meet her." Die wasn't really that sure how teenaged girls tended to work these things out, but he tried his best still. "I think you should talk about it. If you don't ever mention it again it kinda remains unsettled, and that's never good."
Silently, the girl nodded and then planted a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you. I will try to work this out. Just like dad always told me one has to stand up for his decisions and get things straight between people." Sighing, she leaned the side of her head against his shoulder. "I don't know if I ever told you, but you're like a dad too." Chuckling a bit, she added. "Or like a mixture between a dad and a mom. Sometimes it's so much easier to talk to you."
"I can be the stepmom too if you want me to." Die chuckled, hugging her a bit tighter for a moment. "I really appreciate that you're willing to talk to me about these things. Although I have to admit I'm sometimes a bit lost with them."
"You shouldn't be. You're an old man and are supposed to know everything." Mika remarked, chuckling harder. "And you will have to keep quiet about Sho for dad will surely scare him away. He looks a bit... Well, dad would say he doesn’t look trustable."
"Am not! I'm not that old..." The redhead tried to form a playful pout, but in the end his curiosity won and he turned to look at her. "How does he look then? That didn't sound really good, you know..."
"In dad's eyes," the girl reminded and suddenly jumped up. "Wait, I show you a photo." She darted to her room, returning after a second. "The mohawk's not green anymore but pink now and when dad hears he's not only playing baseball but also is the guitarist and vocalist of a small punkband, he'll get suspicious."
"Well, your dad had a pink hair himself once." Die laughed, taking the photo and turning to look at it. He had to admit that he agreed with the girl, Kaoru would definitely think the guy was suspicious looking. He even thought a bit that way himself. "But I can see what you mean..."
"And he might think that Sho only hooked up with me because he's in a band and might think dad can help him with that," she explained further. Suddenly, her expression became dreamy and she smiled. "But he's not only good looking. He's nice and takes care of his sick grandma and is good at school."
"Now you're trying to make him appear like a saint." The redhead chuckled, casting a glance at the girl. She seemed to be really head over heels for this guy, and Die really hoped he'd be good enough for her. "And I still want to meet this wonderguy once. And so does Kao, if he finds out about that you're being this serious."
"He will find out when I marry him." Mika stated matter-of-factly, but had to laugh. "Sometimes it's friggin' hard to have two dads. You're both so jealous. Though dad a bit more than you. And mom's like a clucking hen or then doesn't care. Something in between there."
"But I at least promise that I won't try to scare him away." Die smiled brightly, handing the photo back to her. "Although I don't know if I would even have the slightest chance to do that anyways."
"Why's that? You can be pretty scary too. Only dad's surpassing your skills by far."
"Maybe I'm having self-confidence issues when it comes to that. Kao's so much scarier than I am. I'm too soft." He sighed theatrically.
"Yeah right," Mika snorted sarcastically and then got up. "You're such a huge softie." She didn't take him serious, remembering the countless fights they both had had where she had been truly frightened by the redhead.
"I somehow have the feeling you're not believing me completely." Die tried to sound hurt, but it was somewhat smothered by his merry grin.
"You know, sometimes you're just this huge idiot and more like a brother." Chuckling, the girl stood up and yawned widely. "But all this has been very tiring and I think I will try to get some sleep now." For a moment, she became serious again. "Thank you so much." She bowed down, giving him a peck on the cheek. "Dad."
"Nothing to thank me for." Die smiled, honestly meaning it from the bottom of his heart. "You know you can always come to talk to me if you want to. I mean it, whenever." He stood up as well, giving her a short hug. He couldn’t deny it, it had felt good when the girl had called him ‘dad’, be it only playfully or seriously.
"Beware. I might accept the offer." She squeezed him tight before going to her room. All the crying and the emotional uproar had been hard on her. Her eyes were burning, her mind numb and so she went to bed.
Die still remained sitting on the couch, trying to read the magazine although his mind was circling around the conversation they had just had. He really wished everything would turn out well, and he had to admit to himself that somewhere deep inside he trusted Mika's judgement although the guy looked a bit suspicious. Without even noticing it he was beginning to drift off, finally falling asleep the magazine still on his lap.
It was already late when Kaoru opened the door and quietly slipped inside. He imagined his lover lying on the couch, the TV running and fast asleep. Two of those assumptions proved to be right as he spotted the other man snoring lightly on the couch. Tiptoeing, Kaoru sneaked up to him and then planted a soft kiss on the other's lips. When this didn't manage to wake Die, he tried again, playfully slipping his tongue between the slightly parted lips.
It made Die mewl, and he already responded to the kiss before he was even completely awake. As the other man pulled back he blinked, trying to open his eyes and see something. "Hi." He couldn't help but to smile instantly as he saw the older man.
"Hi." Kaoru mirrored the smile, lifted the other man's legs up and sat down on the couch, pillowing the legs on his lap. "You didn't have to wait for me, you know," he said in a teasing tone since both of them knew Die had just passed out on the couch while reading; the magazine on his lap proof enough.
"Aw, but I wanted to." The redhead chuckled, reaching out to put the mag away and turning his attention completely towards his lover. "I missed you already. Isn't it only logical to want to wait for you then?" He winked.
"If you really had missed me, you'd be lying in bed right now, wearing nothing but transparent films or so to please me," the older man replied dryly.
"Why is it that no one takes my words seriously today?" Die shook his head, rolling his eyes theatrically. "Maybe I just wanted you to carry me to bed and rip my clothes off."
"Maybe." Kaoru chuckled. "I must've missed your note then. 'Hun, don't drink too much for I need you to be strong enough...'. I think I need stronger glasses." He patted the other's legs and laughed, but suddenly frowned. "So Mika's back already?" He simply assumed that his lover had been referring to her.
"Yeah. She had a fight with Ami." Die explained honestly, looking at the other straight. "She came home, yelled for a while, cried against my shoulder and then we talked and she went to bed."
"Sounds like her." Kaoru nodded. "Something serious or one of her ten minutes I-hate-my-teenage-life things?"
"A bit more serious this time. They fought over a guy, and now Mika thinks Ami hates her forever for this. But she'll be fine."
"A guy?" The older became suspicious. "Tell me more."
"They just had a crush on the same guy and he picked Mika." Die shrugged a bit. "You know how hard it's to be the one who got rejected, so Ami's just probably pissed now. But she and Mika have been friends for ages, and I don't think she'll let this ruin everything."
"Yeah. In a week, the guy's gone and those two are friends again." The older guitarist thought his lover was right. "So she has a new boyfriend?" he asked casually, trying not to sound too suspicious.
"Yes." The redhead nodded, looking at the other carefully as if to see if he had any hidden motives.
"Did she tell anything about him?" Kaoru went on, toying with his lover's trouser legs. "How come she never tells me about those things?" He even sounded a bit hurt, if not angry.
"I just happened to be in the right place in the right time." Die sighed a bit, moving up and shifting until he was sitting beside the other man, leaning his head against his shoulder. "He plays baseball and is good at school. And he's a perfect person in any ways." He chuckled a bit, remembering how worshipping Mika's expression had been as she'd thought of her boyfriend.
"Yeah sure. And he's the son of Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Theresa," the older man snorted. "Lemme guess, he wants to study to become a doctor and help those in need, right?" He shook his head, folded his arms across his chest and took on a defiant expression. "I want to meet him."
"Just wait until we see if they're together still after a while. Don't scare him away immediately." The younger man turned his head a bit to sneak a peek at the other, still refusing to straighten and just leaning against him.
"Okay, but if she's serious with that guy, I want to meet him and I will put him to the acid test." Slowly, Kaoru wrapped his arm around his lover's shoulders. "I think I will have to learn to let her go..."
"You will. But it'll be hard on me too, you know." Die chuckled. "I feel sometimes like her mom for god's sake."
"Aw!" The older guitarist made a mock compassionate sound and tilted his head to peck the tip of his lover's nose. "You're doing a good job though. Living with two extravagant stubborn bull-heads."
"I know. I'm a saint." The answer came with a theatrical sigh. "But there's nothing I can do about it. I'm already hooked."
"Don't overdo it," Kaoru warned playfully and finally made a move to get up. "But let's go to bed. We can still talk there and when we're getting tired, we're already at the right place."
"Alright. But don't fall asleep too soon or I'll be talking to myself then." Die stole a short kiss from the other before getting on his feet, instantly heading towards the bedroom.
"I more likely fall for shutting you up somehow else." Quickly, the older guitarist followed him and when he was directly behind, slapped his butt not too gently. It instantly made the redhead yelp, who simply took a few quicker steps to escape the other. "You dirty old man."
"And I still give you the dirty, but not the old man. I'm not that much older than you." Kaoru paced up and crushed against his lover's back, making both of them tumble down on the bed.
"I still say that a year is plenty!" Die had to laugh as they fell into a pile of limbs on the mattress, rolling over a couple of times until he found himself pinned down underneath his lover.
The older guitarist used the moment to initiate a deep kiss, backing his upper body up by basing his hands besides his lover's head. "Ten months, it's only ten months," he reminded as they both took a short breath, before he sealed the other's lips again.
The redhead didn't hurry, holding on to the kiss for as long as it lasted and only returning to the topic as they parted to inhale again. "Ten months is almost a year."
"But only almost!" Grinning, Kaoru wrapped his arms around the other man, again rolling them over until he was lying underneath him. He enjoyed feeling his lover's weight upon him, to feel his warmth and his breath wash over his face.
"Don't worry." Die smirked, nuzzling his nose against the other's. "I love you anyways. Even though you're hopelessly old."
"And fat, and wrinkly." The older guitarist added sighing. "I don't even deserve you. A gorgeous young stud such as you would easily find something more young and firm."
"But I don't want anything young and firm." The younger man slid his hands along the other's sides, pinching him playfully. "I like it that you have decent thighs now. You're still far from being fat." He took on an innocent expression before going on. "And about being wrinkly..."
Kaoru squirmed, trying to dodge his lover's hands and chuckled. "What about being wrinkly?" he demanded to know, looking as serious as he was capable of.
"You've got another one again." The redhead grinned triumphantly, although he was simply teasing the other.
"Bastard!" The older man hit his head playfully and moved his hands to pinch Die's sides as well. "If one looks closely, you have some too."
"I do not. I'm still smooth and look half my age." Die shook his head firmly, sounding completely convinced.
"Yeah right. Maybe when you don't wear your contacts in the morning," Kaoru teased smirking. He knew his lover was vain too at times. Not as much as he himself, but they both just enjoyed to tease each other with that fact.
"Screw you." The younger man pouted playfully, theatrically rolling a bit further from the other.
"But that's boring."
"What?"
"To screw me." Kaoru snickered, carefully sliding closer to his lover again. "I do prefer if you're involved too," he whispered into the other's ear. "Even though you're an old fart just like me."
"Don't you dare to call me that." Although he tried hard, Die wasn't able to suppress all his chuckles. "You never say pretty things to me. Only always mocking me."
"I never compliment you?" The older guitarist shook his head. "That's not true. I always tell you how good you look beside me," he mocked. It wasn't true, because in reality he told his lover more often how much he liked certain things in him.
"But I could use more compliments." The redhead laughed softly, turning to face the other properly and snuggling close to him.
"You're precious to me. Everything in you and if you now ask me to name all the things I like most in you, we won't get any sleep ever." The mocking undertone had left Kaoru's voice and he looked seriously at the other man.
"Just gimme a kiss." Die smiled, looking the other deep in the eye. He knew very well how much they loved each other, and didn't need any lists from his lover to make him more self confident. Obediently, the older man closed the last distance between them and initiated a soft, slow kiss. He brought his hands up, tangling his fingers in the soft strands which were dyed dark red, almost mahogany at the moment.
The contact made the younger man smile, and he instantly pressed himself a bit closer, tangling their legs together. At moments like that it almost felt as if they had just fallen in love, everything being new. They took their time, sampling the pleasure of the kiss and the closeness as long as possible. Kaoru certainly didn't take his lover for granted, but at a moment like that, he became aware of how lucky he was to have the other by his side. Absent-mindedly, his thumb felt for his own wedding ring, like reminding himself that this was real.
As they parted they still staid close to each other, both smiling as they were simply happy and content. "I was wrong," Die almost whispered after a while, a merry sparkle in his eyes. "You don't really even have any wrinkles. You're plain perfect."
The words caused a warm smile to spread all over Kaoru's face and his eyes were sparkling. "You have no idea how much I love you," he gave away with a small sigh.
"I have a good guess though." The redhead informed, leaning to peck the other's lips quickly. They fell silent for a moment, just lying there close to each other. Still, neither of them was willing to sleep just yet. Kaoru's mind was wandering to his daughter and the fact that she was rapidly becoming a grown woman. As much as the thought frightened him, made him see that he was growing older as well, he was certain that Die would still be there, even when Mika once moved out, studied, married and founded a family of her own.
Die simply fell into his thoughts as well, before breaking the silence after a long while. "Kao? I thought you should know, I wrote my will." He turned to look the other in the eye. After the car accident he had been thinking about how no one knew when one of them would be gone, seeing how fragile life was. It had scared him somewhat, but he had learned to just live with the thought, knowing he had Kaoru to share his life with for as long as they were allowed to have.
"I see." The short answer was a sign that the older man didn't want to talk about that. As much as Kaoru was a reasonable person, he simply didn't like to imagine that his lover could die unexpectedly soon. If it was about him, he didn't have problems to sort his things in case he died. In fact, he had written his will some time ago already, but hadn't seen the necessity to talk about it to somebody yet.
"I just thought it would be best to be ready in case something happens..." Die went on, a bit tentatively since he really wanted to talk about this but he knew that the other was more than uneasy with the topic judging by the way he reacted.
"I know." Kaoru sighed deeply. Although he would've preferred to drop the topic, he still lifted his head to look at his lover. "Why now?"
"You mean why I wrote it now?" The younger man arched an eyebrow. "I guess the accident freaked me out a bit. You know, I don't really want that everything I own goes to my parents or siblings."
The comment made the older man smile for he knew his lover got along with his family quite well. He had never thought about the other's testament and who would inherit his belongings. He himself had enough money of his own and the few things which held a sentimental value for him were not expensive anyways. Still, Kaoru asked, joking a bit for it made it easier for him to deal with the topic. "So who'll inherit your treasures?"
"Well, I thought I'd leave a bit to my folks, mostly money to make sure they won't have problems." Die smiled, even chuckling a bit. "But mostly all the rubbish goes to you and Mika. You can throw away what you don't need or want."
"Gods Die!" The tone of Kaoru's voice was admonishing. "You think I could throw anything away when you're gone?" The mere thought caused his heart to cramp and an unpleasant shudder to run down his spine. "You want Mika to get something?"
"Yeah." The redhead nodded firmly. "She really is like a daughter to me, and I want to act on it."
"Sometimes I ask myself how it would've been if Nozomi hadn't been there. You now, like us being her parents straight from the beginning." The older man shifted a bit closer to his lover and gave him a short kiss on his cheek. "You should tell her that she's mentioned in your will. Although," he chuckled, "she might fall for poisoning you or so."
"I guess I can take that risk. She'll be filthy rich once she inherits us both, and even something from her mother on top of it." Die chuckled, contently snuggling a bit into the embrace, enjoying the way he was allowed to be close to the other man.
"But she'll be ancient before that happens," Kaoru stated matter-of-factly. "Don't you dare to lave me before time." Softly, pushed his hand under his lover's t-shirt, drawing random patterns on his belly.
"Don't worry." The smile on the redhead's face softened. "I don't plan on going anywhere. I'm gonna try to cling on to you for as long as possible."
"Good. Then I can now tell you that I mentioned you in my will as well. Mika will have to share with you," the older man whispered, kissing his lover's neck.
"I guess she won't mind." Die bit his lower lip softly, somehow beginning to be all too emotional. Quickly he wiped a lone tear away from his cheek, hoping the other didn't notice. "But yeah. I just wanted you to know... we don't need to talk about dying any longer."
"Babe..." Kaoru only called the other man that when they were alone and there was the need to console Die somehow. He had very well noticed the tear, the single waterdrop had sparkled silver on his lover's cheek; and he had also noticed the other's hasty movement to get rid of it. It was a sign that Die was emotional and still didn't want to show it.
"I'm sorry." The younger man smiled, trying to blink away the water from his eyes and appear calmer than he really was. But the fact was that the loving tone of the other's voice and the way he looked at him were just about to tear down the last of his facade.
"Don't be sorry when there's no reason." The older guitarist hugged him a bit tighter, stretching his neck to plant a soft kiss on both of the other's eyes, forcing him to close his eyelids. Die inhaled a bit shakily, feeling somewhat pathetic as he just broke down without any reason. Somehow all the feelings from fear to relief and pure love were just crushing down on him. He shifted a bit, burying his face into his lover's neck and simply inhaling the familiar scent that always seemed to calm him down.
Silently, Kaoru just held him, his hand resting on the back of his lover's head, caressing him. His heart was pounding a bit quicker, the emotions not leaving him unaffected, only that he had a thicker wall to protect himself. The fact that his lover had just told him he loved Mika like his own daughter caused certain, pleasant warmth to spread inside him, although he had known it before already.
For a long time they just staid there like that, close to each other and not saying a single word. Slowly Die calmed down, but still didn't move an inch, remaining there as close as possible to the other man, almost clinging on to him still. Kaoru would have never imagined that he could crave for closeness like this, that he would be able to sleep with somebody wrapped around him. If one had told him that some time ago, he would've said it's impossible, he wasn't a very emotional person. But the redhead had proved him wrong, since he couldn't imagine to sleep without feeling his warm body near, smelling his scent, his warmth devolving on him. "I love you." He whispered after a long time, more to himself than to his lover, and kissed the other's hair.
Still the words managed to make Die smile, and wordlessly he tilted his head a bit to look at the other, reaching to peck his lips chastely. "Love you too." He didn't care if they sounded somewhat desperate, as he meant every word, every emotion honestly with everything in him.
After some time, they both simply drifted off without even realizing it. They were still clinging to each other and whenever one of them turned around in his sleep, the other followed instantly as if drawn closer by gravity. It was something that had developed throughout the years and still managed to amuse everybody they dared to tell about it. It was as if every molecule in their beings knew they had to be close to each other, and they always subconsciously tried to keep the contact. It had taken long before they had even noticed it themselves though, as it had developed completely naturally on its own without them trying to aim for it.
Just like they had developed so many other habits while living together. It was comforting to know how the other one would react to certain things, what was waiting for you. Every once in a while, Die got up before his lover to make them a decent breakfast. It was his way to show his lover that he cared and he appreciated that Kaoru usually took care of it, being a morning person. But on those days, the older guitarist slept in late and nothing seemed to be able to wake him.
Despite the routine they had developed, the familiar patterns their lives followed mostly, they both had enough creativity and spontaneity to make their lives interesting. They still spent evenings out together every now and then, simply having fun, but they had learned to appreciate a silent evening at home, just spending time together without even doing much anything. Die's mother, who had accepted their relationship almost without problems, always used to tell that it was the mixture which kept the fire burning. The guitarists tried to take it to heart, surprising the other every now and then with smaller or bigger things. A romantic dinner here, clubbing there, anything that brought a change worked just fine.
It was a miracle how they managed to survive without fighting seriously all along, especially since both of them were totally bull headed and stubborn. They did have their arguments, but it wasn't about anything serious and they usually ended up tangled together just forgetting about the arguing and letting the steam off otherwise. After the bigger fight when Mika had forced them to apologize each other they hadn't had anything even remotely that major, and it somehow made both of them enormously relieved.
Whenever anybody asked them how they did it, the answer was two shrugs. They had no clue why the bad arguments staid off, but they certainly didn't miss them. Besides, they told whoever wanted to know, there surely were other things more worth to attend than wasting precious time together by being mad. Maybe the answer was that they were still as much in love as when they had gotten together, maybe even more. Whenever one of them was away, they called each other in the evenings, whispering sweet nothings and refusing to hang up simply because they wanted to hear each others voices.
Sometimes Mika mocked them about it, only lovingly though as she noticed that the two of them seemed to be still going through something that resembled a desperate first love. At times it was almost as if the guitarists were two teenagers, exchanging small notes or calls whenever possible as they couldn't stay away from each other. Mika wasn't the only one to mock them, because their bandmates did that as well. Of course only in a friendly manner since they didn't want to risk Kaoru taking revenge on them. But they didn't really have to fear anything since the lead-guitarist hadn't tortured them with interviews or an extremely tight time-table in a long time.
Even though the whole band seemed to be taking it more easy when it came to work, they still got surprisingly much done, even surprising themselves with their productivity and the drive to finish something. They all had their personal lives now though, that demanded more time than a few years ago. But since they had gained a certain level of wealth, of course they weren't filthy rich, but it was enough to live without sorrow, they were allowed to take a step back.
Every single one of them still loved what they were doing, but they didn't see the necessity of touring three quarters of the year while spending the last quarter in the studio anymore. Besides, the bandmates had learned to understand each other almost without words which enabled them to use the time they had more effectively. And not being forced to work every single day of the year just strengthened their love for their work, made them see how much they had enjoyed it and still did. Everything was more relaxed in a way, no huge amounts of pressure coming from every single direction, no force to do endless amount of work.
Author:
seinen_no and fonulynRating: NC17 overall
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: When Kaoru and his wife get a divorce, he is forced to leave his little daughter to live with her mother when he’s moving out. He finds support in his best friend, but is friendship everything life has in store for them? Or is their past together going to resurface now that Kaoru’s life has been turned upside down?
Comments:
seinen_no: Hi dears! I know it took us a bit longer again to post this chap and so I spare you all the babbling and only wish you fun reading. fonulyn: I’ll let you go to the chapter with equally short comment x) I don’t even know how to stay still right now as I just realized I’m friggin’ going to see Dir en grey the day after tomorrow! *bounces* haha, sorry, I just had to get it out XD Enjoy the chapter!And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Plus, the archive .
Previously happened: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9
Chapter 10
Kaoru was out to watch a movie with an old friend and since Die didn't like that friend very much, he staid at home. Very much to his surprise, the door opened soon and he heard Mika come home although it was still early and they had allowed her to go to a certain party and stay over night at her best friend Ami's place. Wordlessly, the girl crossed the room and slammed her door shut, ignoring the redhead on the couch. He heard her gripe loudly though and some things hit the wall.
Suddenly, she stormed out, her face flushed and her eyes shimmering with a mixture of rage and sadness. "Die, can I ask you something?" she began and before the man had a chance to reply, she went on. "Say, when two friends want the same guy and they agree upon leaving him to the one whom he chooses, are you a bad friend and a selfish bitch when the winner doesn't drop him?"
"When the winner doesn't drop him?" Die looked somewhat puzzled and turned his attention completely towards the girl, setting down the magazine he had been reading. "Wanna explain the situation a bit more?" He wasn't sure if he what the girl had meant, and he had to admit he was a bit freaked since she seemed to be about to cry.
Mika was still standing and just looked at him for a few seconds, obviously fighting for composure. She didn't like it when she lost control, just like her father. "There's this super-cute and really sweet guy, Sho, and Ami spotted him first. But I honestly like that guy and she friggin’ knows it. Okay, so I suggested that we just both hit on him and the loser steps aside. You know, like letting him decide." She was babbling fast, seemingly without taking a breath in between.
"Well, and he chose me and now Ami says I'm a selfish, conceited bitch because I didn't decline." The last words were barely audible since tears were beginning to flow over her cheeks in torrents, sobs breaking her voice and she launched herself at the redhead, burying her face in the crook of his shoulder.
At first Die didn't know what to say and just patted her back, hugged her tight and tryed to calm her down somewhat. "Don't cry, Mika, please." He thought it'd be best to only hold her close and wait until she calmed down before talking to her about it. "You didn't do anything wrong."
She lifted her head and looked at him from reddened eyes. "But Ami hates me now and she said I'm a bad friend and I shouldn't even think about taking the guy she wants as well." She was practically yelling, too agitated to calm down.
"She doesn't hate you." The redhead kept calm, successfully even managing to cover his own nervousness about that he wasn't sure what to say. "She's probably just upset since she didn't get picked. It'll pass."
"How can you know? She threw me out and said she never ever wants to talk to me again." Mika was now half sitting on Die's lap. Her voice was a bit more quiet, but there were still tears welling in her eyes. "We've been best friends forever and we swore that no guy will tear our friendship apart." A forceful sob shook her. "I asked her again, if it was okay for her, when he asked me out and she told me to go ahead. But when I did, she freaked out..."
"I don't think that this will be the end of your friendship, really." Gently, Die moved away a strand of hair from the girl's face, pulling her completely to his lap. "If you really like this guy, and he likes you, it's only fair you can give it a shot together. Give Ami a few days to calm down and then talk to her about it seriously."
"You don't understand," Mika shook her head, again sobbing. "She has never been like that and Sho, Sho's really a hottie. He's the one EVERY girl just wants and now I have him and everybody hates me."
"How much do you exactly like him?" Die asked, trying to look her in the eye. "And I don't mean how good he looks but is it really him you want to be with?" He wasn't sure how serious this kind of teenaged crush would be, but he knew that nothing pissed young people off more than treating their feelings like something not serious or important. And it WAS important what she felt.
"A lot." Mika answered seriously. "I like him since longer already. He's playing baseball and participated in one of our plays. We got along so well, but he was always outta reach, you know. But as it seemed, he just didn't dare to ask me out. And now Ami and all my other friends hate me." She again started to cry, hugging the redhead tightly.
"They don't really hate you. They're just disappointed since this cool guy is now unavailable. They'll get over it." He hugged her back, just trying to soothe her somehow. He really believed what he said though, as he was willing to believe that Mika's friends would forgive her this incident when they noticed that she didn't do anything wrong exactly and that there are other cool guys still around. "And it wouldn't be fair if you dropped your chance to be happy with him just to please your friends."
"I don't care for the others, but Ami said I always get the good guys because I'm dad's daughter and sometimes I think she's right. Maybe I shouldn't have been born. Then you and dad would've gotten together earlier and I wouldn't cause any troubles for anybody." Of course she was not serious if she had thought about it more, but at least at that moment she was convinced of that.
"Stop that." Die looked straight at her, suddenly dead serious. "Don't ever think like that. You're special, and our lives would be so much emptier without you around." He smiled a bit, softly. "Of course I'm kinda sad I didn't manage to stay together with Kao the first time we tried, but I'm friggin' happy that you were born. So in the end it was best for everyone how things went."
"Thank you." A faint smile found its way to the girl's lips, the tears slowly subsiding. "But it's so hard. I seemingly can't do anything right and I honestly don't want to argue with Ami, but I want to be with Sho too."
"It's always hard to argue with friends, believe me I've been there too." The redhead was relieved to see the girl even trying to smile. "You just have to trust she wants to settle things if you only give her a bit time to calm down. If she's really your friend she won't hold this against you."
"Think so?" Mika looked at him straight. "I just don't know what to do now. Shall I call her or then wait and shall I try to explain or just not mention Sho again?"
"Give her a bit time and call her in a couple of days or go meet her." Die wasn't really that sure how teenaged girls tended to work these things out, but he tried his best still. "I think you should talk about it. If you don't ever mention it again it kinda remains unsettled, and that's never good."
Silently, the girl nodded and then planted a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you. I will try to work this out. Just like dad always told me one has to stand up for his decisions and get things straight between people." Sighing, she leaned the side of her head against his shoulder. "I don't know if I ever told you, but you're like a dad too." Chuckling a bit, she added. "Or like a mixture between a dad and a mom. Sometimes it's so much easier to talk to you."
"I can be the stepmom too if you want me to." Die chuckled, hugging her a bit tighter for a moment. "I really appreciate that you're willing to talk to me about these things. Although I have to admit I'm sometimes a bit lost with them."
"You shouldn't be. You're an old man and are supposed to know everything." Mika remarked, chuckling harder. "And you will have to keep quiet about Sho for dad will surely scare him away. He looks a bit... Well, dad would say he doesn’t look trustable."
"Am not! I'm not that old..." The redhead tried to form a playful pout, but in the end his curiosity won and he turned to look at her. "How does he look then? That didn't sound really good, you know..."
"In dad's eyes," the girl reminded and suddenly jumped up. "Wait, I show you a photo." She darted to her room, returning after a second. "The mohawk's not green anymore but pink now and when dad hears he's not only playing baseball but also is the guitarist and vocalist of a small punkband, he'll get suspicious."
"Well, your dad had a pink hair himself once." Die laughed, taking the photo and turning to look at it. He had to admit that he agreed with the girl, Kaoru would definitely think the guy was suspicious looking. He even thought a bit that way himself. "But I can see what you mean..."
"And he might think that Sho only hooked up with me because he's in a band and might think dad can help him with that," she explained further. Suddenly, her expression became dreamy and she smiled. "But he's not only good looking. He's nice and takes care of his sick grandma and is good at school."
"Now you're trying to make him appear like a saint." The redhead chuckled, casting a glance at the girl. She seemed to be really head over heels for this guy, and Die really hoped he'd be good enough for her. "And I still want to meet this wonderguy once. And so does Kao, if he finds out about that you're being this serious."
"He will find out when I marry him." Mika stated matter-of-factly, but had to laugh. "Sometimes it's friggin' hard to have two dads. You're both so jealous. Though dad a bit more than you. And mom's like a clucking hen or then doesn't care. Something in between there."
"But I at least promise that I won't try to scare him away." Die smiled brightly, handing the photo back to her. "Although I don't know if I would even have the slightest chance to do that anyways."
"Why's that? You can be pretty scary too. Only dad's surpassing your skills by far."
"Maybe I'm having self-confidence issues when it comes to that. Kao's so much scarier than I am. I'm too soft." He sighed theatrically.
"Yeah right," Mika snorted sarcastically and then got up. "You're such a huge softie." She didn't take him serious, remembering the countless fights they both had had where she had been truly frightened by the redhead.
"I somehow have the feeling you're not believing me completely." Die tried to sound hurt, but it was somewhat smothered by his merry grin.
"You know, sometimes you're just this huge idiot and more like a brother." Chuckling, the girl stood up and yawned widely. "But all this has been very tiring and I think I will try to get some sleep now." For a moment, she became serious again. "Thank you so much." She bowed down, giving him a peck on the cheek. "Dad."
"Nothing to thank me for." Die smiled, honestly meaning it from the bottom of his heart. "You know you can always come to talk to me if you want to. I mean it, whenever." He stood up as well, giving her a short hug. He couldn’t deny it, it had felt good when the girl had called him ‘dad’, be it only playfully or seriously.
"Beware. I might accept the offer." She squeezed him tight before going to her room. All the crying and the emotional uproar had been hard on her. Her eyes were burning, her mind numb and so she went to bed.
Die still remained sitting on the couch, trying to read the magazine although his mind was circling around the conversation they had just had. He really wished everything would turn out well, and he had to admit to himself that somewhere deep inside he trusted Mika's judgement although the guy looked a bit suspicious. Without even noticing it he was beginning to drift off, finally falling asleep the magazine still on his lap.
It was already late when Kaoru opened the door and quietly slipped inside. He imagined his lover lying on the couch, the TV running and fast asleep. Two of those assumptions proved to be right as he spotted the other man snoring lightly on the couch. Tiptoeing, Kaoru sneaked up to him and then planted a soft kiss on the other's lips. When this didn't manage to wake Die, he tried again, playfully slipping his tongue between the slightly parted lips.
It made Die mewl, and he already responded to the kiss before he was even completely awake. As the other man pulled back he blinked, trying to open his eyes and see something. "Hi." He couldn't help but to smile instantly as he saw the older man.
"Hi." Kaoru mirrored the smile, lifted the other man's legs up and sat down on the couch, pillowing the legs on his lap. "You didn't have to wait for me, you know," he said in a teasing tone since both of them knew Die had just passed out on the couch while reading; the magazine on his lap proof enough.
"Aw, but I wanted to." The redhead chuckled, reaching out to put the mag away and turning his attention completely towards his lover. "I missed you already. Isn't it only logical to want to wait for you then?" He winked.
"If you really had missed me, you'd be lying in bed right now, wearing nothing but transparent films or so to please me," the older man replied dryly.
"Why is it that no one takes my words seriously today?" Die shook his head, rolling his eyes theatrically. "Maybe I just wanted you to carry me to bed and rip my clothes off."
"Maybe." Kaoru chuckled. "I must've missed your note then. 'Hun, don't drink too much for I need you to be strong enough...'. I think I need stronger glasses." He patted the other's legs and laughed, but suddenly frowned. "So Mika's back already?" He simply assumed that his lover had been referring to her.
"Yeah. She had a fight with Ami." Die explained honestly, looking at the other straight. "She came home, yelled for a while, cried against my shoulder and then we talked and she went to bed."
"Sounds like her." Kaoru nodded. "Something serious or one of her ten minutes I-hate-my-teenage-life things?"
"A bit more serious this time. They fought over a guy, and now Mika thinks Ami hates her forever for this. But she'll be fine."
"A guy?" The older became suspicious. "Tell me more."
"They just had a crush on the same guy and he picked Mika." Die shrugged a bit. "You know how hard it's to be the one who got rejected, so Ami's just probably pissed now. But she and Mika have been friends for ages, and I don't think she'll let this ruin everything."
"Yeah. In a week, the guy's gone and those two are friends again." The older guitarist thought his lover was right. "So she has a new boyfriend?" he asked casually, trying not to sound too suspicious.
"Yes." The redhead nodded, looking at the other carefully as if to see if he had any hidden motives.
"Did she tell anything about him?" Kaoru went on, toying with his lover's trouser legs. "How come she never tells me about those things?" He even sounded a bit hurt, if not angry.
"I just happened to be in the right place in the right time." Die sighed a bit, moving up and shifting until he was sitting beside the other man, leaning his head against his shoulder. "He plays baseball and is good at school. And he's a perfect person in any ways." He chuckled a bit, remembering how worshipping Mika's expression had been as she'd thought of her boyfriend.
"Yeah sure. And he's the son of Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Theresa," the older man snorted. "Lemme guess, he wants to study to become a doctor and help those in need, right?" He shook his head, folded his arms across his chest and took on a defiant expression. "I want to meet him."
"Just wait until we see if they're together still after a while. Don't scare him away immediately." The younger man turned his head a bit to sneak a peek at the other, still refusing to straighten and just leaning against him.
"Okay, but if she's serious with that guy, I want to meet him and I will put him to the acid test." Slowly, Kaoru wrapped his arm around his lover's shoulders. "I think I will have to learn to let her go..."
"You will. But it'll be hard on me too, you know." Die chuckled. "I feel sometimes like her mom for god's sake."
"Aw!" The older guitarist made a mock compassionate sound and tilted his head to peck the tip of his lover's nose. "You're doing a good job though. Living with two extravagant stubborn bull-heads."
"I know. I'm a saint." The answer came with a theatrical sigh. "But there's nothing I can do about it. I'm already hooked."
"Don't overdo it," Kaoru warned playfully and finally made a move to get up. "But let's go to bed. We can still talk there and when we're getting tired, we're already at the right place."
"Alright. But don't fall asleep too soon or I'll be talking to myself then." Die stole a short kiss from the other before getting on his feet, instantly heading towards the bedroom.
"I more likely fall for shutting you up somehow else." Quickly, the older guitarist followed him and when he was directly behind, slapped his butt not too gently. It instantly made the redhead yelp, who simply took a few quicker steps to escape the other. "You dirty old man."
"And I still give you the dirty, but not the old man. I'm not that much older than you." Kaoru paced up and crushed against his lover's back, making both of them tumble down on the bed.
"I still say that a year is plenty!" Die had to laugh as they fell into a pile of limbs on the mattress, rolling over a couple of times until he found himself pinned down underneath his lover.
The older guitarist used the moment to initiate a deep kiss, backing his upper body up by basing his hands besides his lover's head. "Ten months, it's only ten months," he reminded as they both took a short breath, before he sealed the other's lips again.
The redhead didn't hurry, holding on to the kiss for as long as it lasted and only returning to the topic as they parted to inhale again. "Ten months is almost a year."
"But only almost!" Grinning, Kaoru wrapped his arms around the other man, again rolling them over until he was lying underneath him. He enjoyed feeling his lover's weight upon him, to feel his warmth and his breath wash over his face.
"Don't worry." Die smirked, nuzzling his nose against the other's. "I love you anyways. Even though you're hopelessly old."
"And fat, and wrinkly." The older guitarist added sighing. "I don't even deserve you. A gorgeous young stud such as you would easily find something more young and firm."
"But I don't want anything young and firm." The younger man slid his hands along the other's sides, pinching him playfully. "I like it that you have decent thighs now. You're still far from being fat." He took on an innocent expression before going on. "And about being wrinkly..."
Kaoru squirmed, trying to dodge his lover's hands and chuckled. "What about being wrinkly?" he demanded to know, looking as serious as he was capable of.
"You've got another one again." The redhead grinned triumphantly, although he was simply teasing the other.
"Bastard!" The older man hit his head playfully and moved his hands to pinch Die's sides as well. "If one looks closely, you have some too."
"I do not. I'm still smooth and look half my age." Die shook his head firmly, sounding completely convinced.
"Yeah right. Maybe when you don't wear your contacts in the morning," Kaoru teased smirking. He knew his lover was vain too at times. Not as much as he himself, but they both just enjoyed to tease each other with that fact.
"Screw you." The younger man pouted playfully, theatrically rolling a bit further from the other.
"But that's boring."
"What?"
"To screw me." Kaoru snickered, carefully sliding closer to his lover again. "I do prefer if you're involved too," he whispered into the other's ear. "Even though you're an old fart just like me."
"Don't you dare to call me that." Although he tried hard, Die wasn't able to suppress all his chuckles. "You never say pretty things to me. Only always mocking me."
"I never compliment you?" The older guitarist shook his head. "That's not true. I always tell you how good you look beside me," he mocked. It wasn't true, because in reality he told his lover more often how much he liked certain things in him.
"But I could use more compliments." The redhead laughed softly, turning to face the other properly and snuggling close to him.
"You're precious to me. Everything in you and if you now ask me to name all the things I like most in you, we won't get any sleep ever." The mocking undertone had left Kaoru's voice and he looked seriously at the other man.
"Just gimme a kiss." Die smiled, looking the other deep in the eye. He knew very well how much they loved each other, and didn't need any lists from his lover to make him more self confident. Obediently, the older man closed the last distance between them and initiated a soft, slow kiss. He brought his hands up, tangling his fingers in the soft strands which were dyed dark red, almost mahogany at the moment.
The contact made the younger man smile, and he instantly pressed himself a bit closer, tangling their legs together. At moments like that it almost felt as if they had just fallen in love, everything being new. They took their time, sampling the pleasure of the kiss and the closeness as long as possible. Kaoru certainly didn't take his lover for granted, but at a moment like that, he became aware of how lucky he was to have the other by his side. Absent-mindedly, his thumb felt for his own wedding ring, like reminding himself that this was real.
As they parted they still staid close to each other, both smiling as they were simply happy and content. "I was wrong," Die almost whispered after a while, a merry sparkle in his eyes. "You don't really even have any wrinkles. You're plain perfect."
The words caused a warm smile to spread all over Kaoru's face and his eyes were sparkling. "You have no idea how much I love you," he gave away with a small sigh.
"I have a good guess though." The redhead informed, leaning to peck the other's lips quickly. They fell silent for a moment, just lying there close to each other. Still, neither of them was willing to sleep just yet. Kaoru's mind was wandering to his daughter and the fact that she was rapidly becoming a grown woman. As much as the thought frightened him, made him see that he was growing older as well, he was certain that Die would still be there, even when Mika once moved out, studied, married and founded a family of her own.
Die simply fell into his thoughts as well, before breaking the silence after a long while. "Kao? I thought you should know, I wrote my will." He turned to look the other in the eye. After the car accident he had been thinking about how no one knew when one of them would be gone, seeing how fragile life was. It had scared him somewhat, but he had learned to just live with the thought, knowing he had Kaoru to share his life with for as long as they were allowed to have.
"I see." The short answer was a sign that the older man didn't want to talk about that. As much as Kaoru was a reasonable person, he simply didn't like to imagine that his lover could die unexpectedly soon. If it was about him, he didn't have problems to sort his things in case he died. In fact, he had written his will some time ago already, but hadn't seen the necessity to talk about it to somebody yet.
"I just thought it would be best to be ready in case something happens..." Die went on, a bit tentatively since he really wanted to talk about this but he knew that the other was more than uneasy with the topic judging by the way he reacted.
"I know." Kaoru sighed deeply. Although he would've preferred to drop the topic, he still lifted his head to look at his lover. "Why now?"
"You mean why I wrote it now?" The younger man arched an eyebrow. "I guess the accident freaked me out a bit. You know, I don't really want that everything I own goes to my parents or siblings."
The comment made the older man smile for he knew his lover got along with his family quite well. He had never thought about the other's testament and who would inherit his belongings. He himself had enough money of his own and the few things which held a sentimental value for him were not expensive anyways. Still, Kaoru asked, joking a bit for it made it easier for him to deal with the topic. "So who'll inherit your treasures?"
"Well, I thought I'd leave a bit to my folks, mostly money to make sure they won't have problems." Die smiled, even chuckling a bit. "But mostly all the rubbish goes to you and Mika. You can throw away what you don't need or want."
"Gods Die!" The tone of Kaoru's voice was admonishing. "You think I could throw anything away when you're gone?" The mere thought caused his heart to cramp and an unpleasant shudder to run down his spine. "You want Mika to get something?"
"Yeah." The redhead nodded firmly. "She really is like a daughter to me, and I want to act on it."
"Sometimes I ask myself how it would've been if Nozomi hadn't been there. You now, like us being her parents straight from the beginning." The older man shifted a bit closer to his lover and gave him a short kiss on his cheek. "You should tell her that she's mentioned in your will. Although," he chuckled, "she might fall for poisoning you or so."
"I guess I can take that risk. She'll be filthy rich once she inherits us both, and even something from her mother on top of it." Die chuckled, contently snuggling a bit into the embrace, enjoying the way he was allowed to be close to the other man.
"But she'll be ancient before that happens," Kaoru stated matter-of-factly. "Don't you dare to lave me before time." Softly, pushed his hand under his lover's t-shirt, drawing random patterns on his belly.
"Don't worry." The smile on the redhead's face softened. "I don't plan on going anywhere. I'm gonna try to cling on to you for as long as possible."
"Good. Then I can now tell you that I mentioned you in my will as well. Mika will have to share with you," the older man whispered, kissing his lover's neck.
"I guess she won't mind." Die bit his lower lip softly, somehow beginning to be all too emotional. Quickly he wiped a lone tear away from his cheek, hoping the other didn't notice. "But yeah. I just wanted you to know... we don't need to talk about dying any longer."
"Babe..." Kaoru only called the other man that when they were alone and there was the need to console Die somehow. He had very well noticed the tear, the single waterdrop had sparkled silver on his lover's cheek; and he had also noticed the other's hasty movement to get rid of it. It was a sign that Die was emotional and still didn't want to show it.
"I'm sorry." The younger man smiled, trying to blink away the water from his eyes and appear calmer than he really was. But the fact was that the loving tone of the other's voice and the way he looked at him were just about to tear down the last of his facade.
"Don't be sorry when there's no reason." The older guitarist hugged him a bit tighter, stretching his neck to plant a soft kiss on both of the other's eyes, forcing him to close his eyelids. Die inhaled a bit shakily, feeling somewhat pathetic as he just broke down without any reason. Somehow all the feelings from fear to relief and pure love were just crushing down on him. He shifted a bit, burying his face into his lover's neck and simply inhaling the familiar scent that always seemed to calm him down.
Silently, Kaoru just held him, his hand resting on the back of his lover's head, caressing him. His heart was pounding a bit quicker, the emotions not leaving him unaffected, only that he had a thicker wall to protect himself. The fact that his lover had just told him he loved Mika like his own daughter caused certain, pleasant warmth to spread inside him, although he had known it before already.
For a long time they just staid there like that, close to each other and not saying a single word. Slowly Die calmed down, but still didn't move an inch, remaining there as close as possible to the other man, almost clinging on to him still. Kaoru would have never imagined that he could crave for closeness like this, that he would be able to sleep with somebody wrapped around him. If one had told him that some time ago, he would've said it's impossible, he wasn't a very emotional person. But the redhead had proved him wrong, since he couldn't imagine to sleep without feeling his warm body near, smelling his scent, his warmth devolving on him. "I love you." He whispered after a long time, more to himself than to his lover, and kissed the other's hair.
Still the words managed to make Die smile, and wordlessly he tilted his head a bit to look at the other, reaching to peck his lips chastely. "Love you too." He didn't care if they sounded somewhat desperate, as he meant every word, every emotion honestly with everything in him.
After some time, they both simply drifted off without even realizing it. They were still clinging to each other and whenever one of them turned around in his sleep, the other followed instantly as if drawn closer by gravity. It was something that had developed throughout the years and still managed to amuse everybody they dared to tell about it. It was as if every molecule in their beings knew they had to be close to each other, and they always subconsciously tried to keep the contact. It had taken long before they had even noticed it themselves though, as it had developed completely naturally on its own without them trying to aim for it.
Just like they had developed so many other habits while living together. It was comforting to know how the other one would react to certain things, what was waiting for you. Every once in a while, Die got up before his lover to make them a decent breakfast. It was his way to show his lover that he cared and he appreciated that Kaoru usually took care of it, being a morning person. But on those days, the older guitarist slept in late and nothing seemed to be able to wake him.
Despite the routine they had developed, the familiar patterns their lives followed mostly, they both had enough creativity and spontaneity to make their lives interesting. They still spent evenings out together every now and then, simply having fun, but they had learned to appreciate a silent evening at home, just spending time together without even doing much anything. Die's mother, who had accepted their relationship almost without problems, always used to tell that it was the mixture which kept the fire burning. The guitarists tried to take it to heart, surprising the other every now and then with smaller or bigger things. A romantic dinner here, clubbing there, anything that brought a change worked just fine.
It was a miracle how they managed to survive without fighting seriously all along, especially since both of them were totally bull headed and stubborn. They did have their arguments, but it wasn't about anything serious and they usually ended up tangled together just forgetting about the arguing and letting the steam off otherwise. After the bigger fight when Mika had forced them to apologize each other they hadn't had anything even remotely that major, and it somehow made both of them enormously relieved.
Whenever anybody asked them how they did it, the answer was two shrugs. They had no clue why the bad arguments staid off, but they certainly didn't miss them. Besides, they told whoever wanted to know, there surely were other things more worth to attend than wasting precious time together by being mad. Maybe the answer was that they were still as much in love as when they had gotten together, maybe even more. Whenever one of them was away, they called each other in the evenings, whispering sweet nothings and refusing to hang up simply because they wanted to hear each others voices.
Sometimes Mika mocked them about it, only lovingly though as she noticed that the two of them seemed to be still going through something that resembled a desperate first love. At times it was almost as if the guitarists were two teenagers, exchanging small notes or calls whenever possible as they couldn't stay away from each other. Mika wasn't the only one to mock them, because their bandmates did that as well. Of course only in a friendly manner since they didn't want to risk Kaoru taking revenge on them. But they didn't really have to fear anything since the lead-guitarist hadn't tortured them with interviews or an extremely tight time-table in a long time.
Even though the whole band seemed to be taking it more easy when it came to work, they still got surprisingly much done, even surprising themselves with their productivity and the drive to finish something. They all had their personal lives now though, that demanded more time than a few years ago. But since they had gained a certain level of wealth, of course they weren't filthy rich, but it was enough to live without sorrow, they were allowed to take a step back.
Every single one of them still loved what they were doing, but they didn't see the necessity of touring three quarters of the year while spending the last quarter in the studio anymore. Besides, the bandmates had learned to understand each other almost without words which enabled them to use the time they had more effectively. And not being forced to work every single day of the year just strengthened their love for their work, made them see how much they had enjoyed it and still did. Everything was more relaxed in a way, no huge amounts of pressure coming from every single direction, no force to do endless amount of work.