rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 05:57 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 05:57 pm
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Title: A Boy Under the Cherry Tree
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fonulyn
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kaoru x Die
Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do NOT get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: This one is from Kao’s pov. I wrote it in the middle of the night [once again] and I hope it doesn’t have horribly many stupid spelling errors^^ It’s dedicated tosherg since she gave me the inspiration and to seinen_no since she read it for me. Thank you^^
A Boy Under the Cherry Tree
Shouldn’t I be happy now that I’ve got you? I’ve got someone who says he loves me and who holds me in the evening before I fall asleep. I get to touch your smooth cheek, run my fingers through your light brown hair and look deep into those beautiful eyes of yours. When I see you I can’t help but think you’re nothing less than perfect. Because you are perfect. You’re everything a man needs and more.
Then why am I feeling like I don’t belong here?
Why is it that every morning when I wake up and see you smile at me something inside me twists as if everything about this idyllic situation is wrong? And what is that nagging feeling in the back of my skull every time we kiss? Why are there only questions in me, when I should feel happy and content?
I know you say you love me, but whenever I’m in your arms I can’t help but think of that one boy who sat on the bench by the cherry trees. That’s a memory I haven’t been able to forget, although it’s already been eleven years. He’s the one I think of when I fall asleep in your embrace. He’s the one who’s smile has helped me to cope with my life so far.
He’s the one I dream of.
I sound pathetic, don’t I? Well, maybe I am. It’s just that there’s no one else that has had this kind of affect on me. Should I tell you about him? I think I should. Maybe it’ll help you understand what I’m going through right now. I’m not asking you to forgive me, or even understand me. I only want you to listen to me and then listen to your heart. It’ll tell you what to do.
Cherry trees in full blossom, warm wind swaying the fragile flowers. A wooden bench beside the largest tree, hiding under its branches. This is where it all began so long ago. Even when I first walked into that park I thought it was a dream. The scene was like from a fairy tale or from a poem, and I could really hear the whispers of the trees in the silence. I wasn’t in control of my own body anymore, my feet just led me to the tree. I pressed my small hand against the rough surface of the bark.
Then I saw it. Another hand beside my own. Pressed against the tree, fingers spread wide just like my own. I let my gaze wander along that arm to the shirt clad shoulder and finally to a puff of red hair framing that friendly face. His eyes were full of joy and a soft smile was dancing on his lips. We were staring at each other for several minutes. Then I averted my gaze and locked it on our hands again. He had moved his hand so that our fingers touched slightly.
The next day I came back to the very same spot and he was waiting for me. This time he was sitting on the bench, resting his head against the tree. I walked over to him and sat down beside him. And that was it. I’d never felt like that before. It was like all my worries disappeared and the Sun seemed to shine brighter. Sounds sappy and that’s exactly what it was. But if you’d know how happy it made me.
We met at the same place almost every day. We talked about everything and nothing. One day he wrapped his arm around my waist, appearing to be a little nervous. But when I leaned in closer he tightened his hold. After that he always held me. To an outsider it probably seemed weird, two nineteen-year-old boys sitting so close together, smiling like complete idiots. Little did they know how heavenly it was.
However, I was staying there only for the summer so it all had to come to an end. The last day I sat with him felt too short, I never got the chance to say everything I wanted. When it was time for me to go he picked up a small round stone from the ground and placed it in the palm of my hand. “It’s a promise.” He said. “A promise that we’ll meet again.” I still have that stone, remember? You once asked me about it and I just said that it’s from a friend. It was basically the truth, I just left something untold. At that time I really believed we could make it together.
I would say that the last day with him has been the best day of my life. Just before we parted he leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss on my lips brushing his fingertips against my cheek at the same time. I grabbed his shirt intending to cling there forever and never let go. But he tenderly removed my fingers from the fabric of his shirt and told me he’d wait for me. And so I left. When I looked back over my shoulder I saw him sitting on the bench. That’s how I remember him till this day.
When I close my eyes I can still feel that kiss.
Then why didn’t I return to him the next spring?
All I know is that life sometimes takes unexpected turns. Whatever the reason was for me not to go to him then, it doesn’t mean I didn’t want to, doesn’t mean I didn’t dream of it. I’m turning thirty this year and I think I’ve become mature enough to know what I want and what I need. I’m not leaving you because I don’t want to be with you, but because I need to be with him. If I’ll ever find him again. And if I don’t, I’ll regret the day I left him in the first place for the rest of my life.
I’m sorry to say all these cruel things to you, but we have to let go of each other and move on. This has to come to an end somehow. The longer we stay together the more I’ll end up hurting you. That was never my intention, I really believed I could learn to love you. And I know that only by being ruthlessly honest I can clear the table for us, so we can both start a new life without each other.
Your smile is just radiating, but I remember another smile that means even more for me.
Your eyes look at me with love, but I long for someone I met over ten years ago.
I can’t do this to you anymore. You deserve so much more. And I can’t do this to myself either.
So I’m now leaving you behind, hoping that you’ll someday find someone who loves you just the way you are.
I’m going to go and chase my dream. I’m going to find that boy, now a grown man, with fiery hair and a smile that makes everyone melt for him.
And hopefully I’m going to get my chance with him. If not, at least I tried.
Author:
fonulynRating: PG
Pairing: Kaoru x Die
Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do NOT get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: This one is from Kao’s pov. I wrote it in the middle of the night [once again] and I hope it doesn’t have horribly many stupid spelling errors^^ It’s dedicated to
sherg since she gave me the inspiration and to seinen_no since she read it for me. Thank you^^Shouldn’t I be happy now that I’ve got you? I’ve got someone who says he loves me and who holds me in the evening before I fall asleep. I get to touch your smooth cheek, run my fingers through your light brown hair and look deep into those beautiful eyes of yours. When I see you I can’t help but think you’re nothing less than perfect. Because you are perfect. You’re everything a man needs and more.
Then why am I feeling like I don’t belong here?
Why is it that every morning when I wake up and see you smile at me something inside me twists as if everything about this idyllic situation is wrong? And what is that nagging feeling in the back of my skull every time we kiss? Why are there only questions in me, when I should feel happy and content?
I know you say you love me, but whenever I’m in your arms I can’t help but think of that one boy who sat on the bench by the cherry trees. That’s a memory I haven’t been able to forget, although it’s already been eleven years. He’s the one I think of when I fall asleep in your embrace. He’s the one who’s smile has helped me to cope with my life so far.
He’s the one I dream of.
I sound pathetic, don’t I? Well, maybe I am. It’s just that there’s no one else that has had this kind of affect on me. Should I tell you about him? I think I should. Maybe it’ll help you understand what I’m going through right now. I’m not asking you to forgive me, or even understand me. I only want you to listen to me and then listen to your heart. It’ll tell you what to do.
Cherry trees in full blossom, warm wind swaying the fragile flowers. A wooden bench beside the largest tree, hiding under its branches. This is where it all began so long ago. Even when I first walked into that park I thought it was a dream. The scene was like from a fairy tale or from a poem, and I could really hear the whispers of the trees in the silence. I wasn’t in control of my own body anymore, my feet just led me to the tree. I pressed my small hand against the rough surface of the bark.
Then I saw it. Another hand beside my own. Pressed against the tree, fingers spread wide just like my own. I let my gaze wander along that arm to the shirt clad shoulder and finally to a puff of red hair framing that friendly face. His eyes were full of joy and a soft smile was dancing on his lips. We were staring at each other for several minutes. Then I averted my gaze and locked it on our hands again. He had moved his hand so that our fingers touched slightly.
The next day I came back to the very same spot and he was waiting for me. This time he was sitting on the bench, resting his head against the tree. I walked over to him and sat down beside him. And that was it. I’d never felt like that before. It was like all my worries disappeared and the Sun seemed to shine brighter. Sounds sappy and that’s exactly what it was. But if you’d know how happy it made me.
We met at the same place almost every day. We talked about everything and nothing. One day he wrapped his arm around my waist, appearing to be a little nervous. But when I leaned in closer he tightened his hold. After that he always held me. To an outsider it probably seemed weird, two nineteen-year-old boys sitting so close together, smiling like complete idiots. Little did they know how heavenly it was.
However, I was staying there only for the summer so it all had to come to an end. The last day I sat with him felt too short, I never got the chance to say everything I wanted. When it was time for me to go he picked up a small round stone from the ground and placed it in the palm of my hand. “It’s a promise.” He said. “A promise that we’ll meet again.” I still have that stone, remember? You once asked me about it and I just said that it’s from a friend. It was basically the truth, I just left something untold. At that time I really believed we could make it together.
I would say that the last day with him has been the best day of my life. Just before we parted he leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss on my lips brushing his fingertips against my cheek at the same time. I grabbed his shirt intending to cling there forever and never let go. But he tenderly removed my fingers from the fabric of his shirt and told me he’d wait for me. And so I left. When I looked back over my shoulder I saw him sitting on the bench. That’s how I remember him till this day.
When I close my eyes I can still feel that kiss.
Then why didn’t I return to him the next spring?
All I know is that life sometimes takes unexpected turns. Whatever the reason was for me not to go to him then, it doesn’t mean I didn’t want to, doesn’t mean I didn’t dream of it. I’m turning thirty this year and I think I’ve become mature enough to know what I want and what I need. I’m not leaving you because I don’t want to be with you, but because I need to be with him. If I’ll ever find him again. And if I don’t, I’ll regret the day I left him in the first place for the rest of my life.
I’m sorry to say all these cruel things to you, but we have to let go of each other and move on. This has to come to an end somehow. The longer we stay together the more I’ll end up hurting you. That was never my intention, I really believed I could learn to love you. And I know that only by being ruthlessly honest I can clear the table for us, so we can both start a new life without each other.
Your smile is just radiating, but I remember another smile that means even more for me.
Your eyes look at me with love, but I long for someone I met over ten years ago.
I can’t do this to you anymore. You deserve so much more. And I can’t do this to myself either.
So I’m now leaving you behind, hoping that you’ll someday find someone who loves you just the way you are.
I’m going to go and chase my dream. I’m going to find that boy, now a grown man, with fiery hair and a smile that makes everyone melt for him.
And hopefully I’m going to get my chance with him. If not, at least I tried.