rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-09-01 06:03 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2007-09-01 06:03 pm
(no subject)
Title: Touched a Thousand Times; Chapter 1
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seinen_no and fonulyn
Rating: PG [going up to NC17]
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: Dir en grey has been playing in the US, and the stressful touring is finally getting to them. Kaoru in particular has troubles controlling his nerves and bad mood, caused by the awakening jealousy inside of him, something he doesn’t want to admit to anyone.
Comments:
seinen_no: A new one! Well… not really new to be exact, 'cause fonulyn and I finished this quite some time ago already.
First of all, I want to say that either of us has NO idea about Wednesday 13 or Pig, about their works and all. I know one song, that's it. I have nothing against Piggy, although at one point, he began to annoy me since he was in every friggin' picture with Die and all that mumbo-jumbo.
Second, it was great fun for me to see Kao being utterly insecure for once and I friggin' KNOW he wouldn't act like the way he acts here and that it's kinda OOC and far fetched, but then, eh, it's for our own amusement :D
This is a short fic and will only have 5 chapters. Still, I hope you like reading it^^
fonulyn: Well, what to say. Firs of all, I don’t even know that one song from Wednesday 13 so I know absolutely NOTHING about them. So no blaming me if there’s something inaccurate there :D I didn’t even bother to do much research for it *coughs* I’m bad, I know. But then again, despite what seinen_no said, I don’t know about the being out of character thing. I still say we can’t know how they are and act, so maybe Kao would act more similarly to this than we’d even assume ;) I think I’ve read much worse OOCness too. Just read for yourself to find out! It was fun to write this, despite all, and I hope you enjoy it too^^
And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Touched a Thousand Times
Chapter 1
"Wow Die, cool jacket. Is that new?" Toshiya remarked with a commendatory whistle. He, Kaoru and the redheaded guitarist had gotten dressed for an interview they were supposed to give.
Although the bassist was smiling, one could see that the tour stress had left its marks on his face. Finally, they were touring the USA. After playing in Europe, they now had grabbed the opportunity to reach many new people by joining the Family Values Tour together with bands like Korn and Stone Sour; bands who some of them had admired for a longer time already.
It was a hectic tour, a new city almost every day. At one point, they all had given up on asking where they were or what the city was called. Not even the names of the radio stations, magazines or music stations interested them anymore, unless it was an interview for MTV which still was something special to them. They were doing their job, gave interviews and tried to overcome the language barrier.
The question instantly caused Die's expression to brighten, and managed to make him flash one of his happy grins. "Yeah, I got it from Pig. Cool, right?" He nodded to emphasize the words even, obviously happy about his new jacket, and that his friend had noticed it. "I was in need of a new jacket anyways." He explained a bit further, looking from one of his friends to the other.
Somehow it managed to pass him by though that Kaoru didn't exactly seem all enthusiastic about the situation, nor the new garment. At the mentioning of the redhead's new American friend, Kaoru rolled his eyes and released an annoyed sigh. Suspiciously, the lead-guitarist had watched how Die and Pig had become friends, best buds as it seemed. It made him want to puke. How could somebody call himself 'Pig' anyways? The coolness of the name must have somehow passed him by.
He had been friends with Die for ages, almost a decade, and now this American just waltzed into their lives and lured the redhead away from him. Die had always been easily attracted to new things, had always liked to meet new people, especially bands from other countries. When they first had met Wednesday 13, Pig's band or, more likely, the band where he played guitar, Kaoru really had been fond of them as well.
It had been in Germany during their first time playing outside of Asia. At the huge festival, Rock am Ring, they had met and Die and the other guitarist had instantly gotten along well. Nobody could have known that they would grow to become closer friends. Kaoru had always smiled at Die when he had talked excitedly about meeting Pig in the USA once, had thought those were just empty words. But now, he had to learn that he had been wrong.
What was this anyway? Pig giving Die a jacket. Was he hitting on the redhead? A low growl left the lead-guitarist's throat when he only thought about that. He had always known that Die went both ways, one gender seemingly not enough for the overly energetic and often over-the-edge redhead. And although this was common knowledge within the band, Kaoru had never dared to give in to his own feelings and hit on the other man himself.
In the beginning, he had been too afraid to mess up the mood within the band. There were enough examples of how a relationship within a band had destroyed everything. Then, later, Die had become his friend, trusted him and somehow Kaoru didn't have the guts anymore to try something; too afraid to be rejected and too afraid to risk their friendship.
But seeing the redhead getting along so well with Pig and with almost everybody from the bands who joined the FVT made him feel left out. His English wasn't as good as Die's and he was left to just play the silent watcher sometimes while Die had his fun partying. "When the heck did you meet him again anyways," he mumbled under his breath. Both, hoping that he was heard and that he wasn't.
A small frown appeared on the redhead's forehead as he looked at his friend. Where did that come from? Somehow Kaoru had been acting grumpy lately for no obvious reason. Die was willing to blame the stress the tour caused though since after all, the biggest part of the responsibility always fell on Kaoru who insisted on taking care of things.
"In the morning, after breakfast." His answer was just casual though, his tone not giving away that he was disturbed by the reaction somehow. "I told you last night at the hotel about it already, remember?"
Kaoru nodded slowly. "Yeah, I remember. It just must have slipped my mind that he flew here, JUST to meet you." With that, the lead-guitarist turned around and marched towards the backdoor to take a smoke outside in the yard before the interview would begin. Another thing he hated about the USA was that they always had to take care where they were allowed to smoke and where not and right at that moment, it seemed to be sufficient to make him kick the door open instead of using the handle.
Toshiya patted the redhead's shoulder compassionately and smiled at him. "Don't bother. He might have stood up with the wrong leg or then didn't have any coffee yet."
"He's been awfully grumpy lately." Die sighed a bit as he turned to look straight at his bandmate. "But it happens, he just lets all the stress pile up until it begins to affect him."
It wasn't totally uncommon for Kaoru to be moody, they had been through something like this before too. If something didn't go according to plans or if there was something that didn't please the leader, he showed it by acting bitchy.
And Kaoru knew it himself that he sometimes acted like a girl suffering from pms. But he couldn't change it. Especially not now. Not when jealousy was slowly eating him up. If only he knew whether there was something going on between Pig and Die, he would have at least had a reason to be jealous, or he could've done something to win the redhead for himself. After all, he had known him for much longer.
But then, if he was completely honest with himself, he had to admit that he still wouldn't dare to make a move. He didn't even know if he really wanted to start something with the redhead. After all, Kaoru hadn't had anything with a man before, although he had never banished the idea in the beginning. Only after Die had stepped into his life, he had really considered the possibility. Though if he kept on acting like that, he would only scare everybody away.
Sighing, he killed the last remains of his cigarette, took a deep breath and went back inside. He should really go and find somebody to get laid. It just had been too long since the last time; his strange admiration for the redhead and his very bad mood lately had hindered him to get it on with somebody.
They were all already waiting for the lead guitarist, the interview ready to begin. Both, Toshiya and Die instantly cast an inquiring glance at him when he walked in, as if trying to see if he still was in a bad mood or if he was addressable.
As there were no signs of utter annoyance, they relaxed in their seats, ready to concentrate on the questions which would follow. Kaoru really seemed to be over the grumpyness for the time being, or then he was just able to cover it well because they were joking and answering to the questions almost honestly.
Silently Die was keeping an eye on the lead guitarist though, trying to figure out what it was this time that had caused his friend to fall into one of his moods. Maybe Kaoru should try to relax some evening, he decided, determined to drag the older man along to one of the regular parties after the shows.
And he did. No matter how sternly Kaoru refused, he didn't stand a chance against his redheaded friend who told him how much fun it'd be to hang out with the other bands and have a drink. The lead-guitarist clung to his beer all the time and watched his surrounding suspiciously while Die was instantly surrounded by a cluster of people who joked with him and challenged him for a drinking battle.
Only after some time, Kaoru slowly adjusted to the situation and talked to some people shallowly, but he always kept an eye on his friend who seemed to have forgotten about him once the Americans had demanded his attention.
It wasn't that Die would've wanted to ignore Kaoru, quite the contrary, but he was so easily pulled into the situation, getting enthusiastic and trying to communicate and increase his English. It demanded a lot of concentration though, and he had to turn all his attention towards the one who was speaking to him currently.
Deep inside, Kaoru knew that of course, but his anyways melancholy and moreover jealous state of mind didn't allow him to see that. So after some time, he sat down on one of the plastic chairs and began to down one beer after another without even tasting it. Toshiya and Shinya were showing up as well, but when they noticed the leader's somehow distant and grim expression, they decided not to join him. The tour was stressful enough and so they wanted to have fun at the evenings and relax, trying to get the most of hanging out with foreigners.
It was already late, everything dark, although the people still didn't seem to slow down, merry chatting sounding from all around them. There had been a pause in the conversation Die had been leading with someone he only knew by looks and not by name, and he had accidentally happened to glance towards Kaoru, noticing his dark expression. This had been about making the other guitarist relax as well, and so he carefully approached, plopping down on the bench next to him and giving him a happy smile.
"Come on, try to socialize with people a bit! No one's going to come to chat with you while you look like you could kill." He chuckled, reached out his hand and nudged the other man's shoulder a bit.
Kaoru inhaled deeply and nodded, forcing a smile on his lips. "I know." He looked at his friend for a long moment and instantly felt bad. Die seemed to be so happy and he should grant his friend this exciting experience to have so many bands around and enjoy the partying. "I'm sorry," he apologized, blinking tiredly, "maybe it's not my day. I think I should go to bed and try to get some sleep. Tomorrow it's my turn to do the meet and greet." From the corner of his eyes, he saw one of their crewmen running around with a camera, banning everything on film for the tour diary and for their upcoming DVD. "Let's repeat this some other day, okay?"
"If you think so." Die seemed to be somewhat disappointed, but he forced himself to just smile casually. After all, the other man was a grown up and should know what was best for him. "Just take care of yourself, alright?"
"Sure." Nodding, the older guitarist stood up. But before he turned around to leave, he gave his friend a serious look. "And you make sure not to drink too much. Don't think all this 'I like, I like' or the 'I'm a fucking rockstar, bitch' passes me by unnoticed."
The redhead coughed, chuckling a bit embarrassed. "Hey come on, Kao. I still do my job properly." He flashed the other a grin, running his fingers through his hair in a slightly nervous gesture.
"You do." The older guitarist admitted nodding. "But if you don't slow down, you risk becoming sick." Winking, he finally turned around and left the scenery to get to the motelroom they occupied for the night.
Once he was there, he didn't go to bed straight and instead switched on his laptop to watch part of the film their crewmen had taken the previous days. There were a lot of scenes showing how well Die got along with the other bands and the staffmembers. Usually, this wouldn't disturb Kaoru, but he was a bit thin skinned at the moment and still felt left out although his friend had tried to involve him.
The main problem was, he didn't want to be involved. He wanted to hang out alone with the other man again like in the old times. Something must have happened, because they had stopped doing that even before Dir en grey had moved out to conquer the world.
'Die wa ani! Die wa ani!' (Die's my older brother). The scene caught Kaoru's attention and with a huge sigh, he finally switched off the laptop, unable to see this much happiness about the statement in the redhead's face, unable to stand his laughter. Maybe Die was right. Maybe he should mingle more. But he wasn't as bad as Kyo who almost never participated in activities after the shows.
Somehow Die wasn't able to completely relax again after the lead guitarist had retreated. He didn't even know what it was, but he sensed that there was something bothering his friend, something he apparently wanted to keep to himself. The redhead still didn't leave his newly won friends right away, a few minutes becoming hours before he finally dragged himself to the hotelroom, and straight to bed without even undressing properly.
Still, somewhere in the back of his skull, there was this nagging feeling that something was amiss with Kaoru, but he shrugged it off by telling himself he'd talk to him in the morning if he still didn't seem to be back to normal.
But the next days were so stressful, filled with new experiences and cities, that there was no time to talk, or better said, that Die simply forgot it. Kaoru's mood seemed to be better anyways and so there was no reason to sweat about it anymore. As everybody knew, the leader had his moody days at times. It was his way to deal with the pressure. He even joined the regular parties in the evenings sometimes and cooked octopus-rice-balls for the Americans. The concerts were okay. Of course there weren't as many people coming to see Dir en grey as for their one-man-shows, but the few who were there made it up by being twice as enthusiastic.
Along with the days passing, Die's English seemed to get better and better though, and along with that he spent even more time with the other bands, if possible. Usually he tried to urge Kaoru to join the company too, but mostly the older man refused, coming up with some kind of decent excuse. And every now and then Die thought about talking about it to the other guitarist, but the thought had escaped him the next day already, drowned out by the hectic schedule and heavy partying.
At one point, the lead-guitarist was even worried about his friend and his recent drinking habits. There were pictures and films where one could see Die getting heavily drunk. Shinya and Toshiya were drinking as well, but kept it at a more moderate level usually.
Still, Kaoru didn't dare to talk to Die about it as he knew the other's answer already. 'C'mon Kao, don't be a spoilsport. We've been getting plastered all the time during our tours before too.' Die would say. Despite the fact that he would be right, Kaoru as well had to pay respect to the fact that the redhead was full aged and supposed to know what he did. But it always hurt him to hear the other's forceful chokes when he was bending over the toilet, vomiting.
There was nothing to slow the redhead down though, as he seemingly thought he was having the time of his life. All the new people, new things around him simply fed his curious nature, and he couldn't get enough of it. There were mornings though when he thought he would never drink again, but the empty promise was long forgotten as the evening came.
Another thing that begun to get on Kaoru's nerves, was that most of the time Pig was like glued to the redhead's company, following Die everywhere or the other way around. Although Wednesday 13 was not a part of the Family Value tour, their guitarist showed up whenever his schedule allowed it and apparently, he had some free days, because he followed them around everywhere.
For the first time in his life, Kaoru had problems to remain polite and friendly towards somebody. He kept on telling himself that Pig hadn't done anything to deserve his hatred, but he demanded Die's attention whenever possible.
For some reason, the American seemed to like Kaoru though, because he never let a possibility pass by unused to get a picture together with him and the redhead. Once, Kaoru had found one of those pictures on the net where a fan had cut out Pig. He had stared at it for a long time, thinking that the picture was so much better like this. Finally, he even saved it on his computer.
Pig however always remained polite and friendly towards the lead guitarist, oblivious towards the fact that he was irritating the other. No one else noticed Kaoru's inner struggle either, since he managed to cover it almost perfectly. Die was even extremely happy that there seemed to be someone with whom Kaoru got along, even with the language barrier and everything. So he even tried to make Kaoru come along whenever he had plans to go out with Pig, thinking that this way everyone would have fun.
The lead-guitarist grabbed any given opportunity to be around Die during their free time, even if it meant to deal with Pig and the fact that his best friend was like glued him. If only he knew if the American wanted more from the redhead than friendship. After all, they were getting along too well for his taste and knowing Die and his enormous waste of affairs, it wasn't too farfetched to think that there was something going on between them.
But Kaoru never even got the slightest hint which confirmed his suspicion. That, however, didn't soothe his jealousy in the slightest. If he only hadn't let all these years pass by without trying his luck, he would at least know what Die thought about him by now. The band had always been his first priority, the band and their friendship though, so there had been no way in his eyes.
Still, he was getting older, was afraid to be left alone once. All he ever had had was the band and because Die had shared the same fate, it had made them companions by nature somehow. What if the other now found somebody he wanted to lead a relationship with? Somebody other than Kaoru?
It was a hard place for the lead-guitarist and he couldn't help but to go through the situation in his mind over and over again. It was of no use though, since he still didn't have the guts to act on his emotions and instead simply clung on to the old, safe patterns.
Toshiya had noticed though that there was something odd in Kaoru's behaviour, the way he cast dark glances at the people Die was talking animatedly with. Probably no one else saw it though, but the bassist had always been good in reading people's expressions and he knew Kaoru well enough to spot that there was something going on inside his head.
He tried to talk to Kaoru once, but only received a dismissive answer that there was nothing and he should mind his own business. That reaction only fastened the bassist's belief that there was something bothering the leader, but he kept it for himself until he would be completely sure.
Things were going slightly out of hand when Kaoru noticed that he began to murder people with his eyes when they were only chatting with Die too long for his taste, but even that passed the others by. He had truly learned to build up a wall around himself, acting not much different than usual. Besides, he did his work and nobody could tell that there was even anything else on his mind than music when he was on stage.
But the tour kept on pulling their nerves, the stress causing all of them to over-react on the smallest things sometimes. So it fitted the common picture that Kaoru gave sarcastic answers to one of his bandmates' questions or even yelled when something didn't go according to the plan.
It was beginning to be harder and harder for him to act in a friendly way towards Pig though, as in his eyes the other man was an obstacle that stood between him and the redhead. Somehow he even felt guilty about his thoughts, as the poor man had never done anything bad, had always been happy and nice. But still Kaoru couldn't help that at one point even seeing his face annoyed him.
He was still hoping that he could spend some time just together with Die, but night after night the redhead came to him with the same question; "Wanna go somewhere with me and Pig?"
One evening, Kaoru snapped and yelled. "No, I don't want to go out with you AND Pig. For god's sake what is he? Your lover?" The question had slipped him accidentally and he turned pale as a sheet after realizing what he had said.
"Sorry..." Quickly, Kaoru turned around and darted off, only thinking about getting as far away from his friend and Pig as possible. He should've thought about it though since they would have to face each other again in the tourbus latest.
The words had left Die completely stunned, hitting him like lightning from a clear sky. Where had that come from? It seemed like Kaoru was pissed for some reason, and it didn't make Die feel nice. He stood there, mouth slightly open and just staring after the other man before someone called his name and caused him to snap back to reality. Maybe he HAD been neglecting his old friend lately, paying him too less attention..?
Kaoru was fuming, mostly angry at himself for this outburst. While walking, he lit himself a cigarette, not bothering for the huge 'no smoking' sign at the wall beside him. Only when he was outside and alone, he allowed himself to stop and close his eyes. He had to think about a decent excuse for this, about something Die would believe him.
Die didn't ask when they met the next time, because there were too many people around them. One could clearly see that he was still confused though, frowning slightly as he looked at the lead guitarist. But the other seemed to be just as confused and one could see by the look in Kaoru's eyes that he was truly sorry for the happened.
They never mentioned it again. As days were passing by, it became more and more ridiculous to address an incident which was long gone already, although both men kept on thinking about it. It was shown in the way they were talking to each other, as if either of them was waiting for a hint or a sign to finally get this on the table.
Sadly, that somehow never happened, until the point when neither of them could've brought it up even if they wanted to. But Die didn't ask Kaoru to join them that often anymore, somehow hesitating to speak about his American friend with the lead guitarist. He still didn't know how to say 'no' when Pig asked him for a drink or to hit the streets on a free day, and ended up spending a lot of time with him anyways. And not only with him since he was still popular amongst the other bands as well.
Kaoru tried to make some friends of his own. He talked more to some of the others and became a bit more relaxed around them. Even though he hadn't liked going out with Die and Pig, he now was almost going insane when they decided to hit some clubs alone; jealousy eating him up alive.
He would've never thought that that was possible, because he was such a calm and head-orientated person. But he had feelings as well and it hurt to see his best friend just casting him aside when something more exciting appeared.
It happened a few times though that they just went just out alone, only Dir en grey, and spent time totally without the American bands and other people. But those were rare occasions.
It bothered Die that he never seemed to talk with the older guitarist nowadays, they only greeted each other mostly when they met somewhere before or after a show. He still remembered times when they had staid up almost all night just the two of them, talking and maybe drinking and having a good time.
Kaoru missed those times too; almost corporally. He just felt miserable, but still managed to keep up a smile at times and to fool everybody who didn't know him well. Slowly, he began to feel as if he didn't even know his friend at all, as if he had never known him. So one day, when they gave an interview and he was asked about the relations in the band, he just frankly said that they never talked about private things. The reporter seemed to be surprised, but Kaoru just went on. "One thing why the band works so well is that we keep our private lives away from each other and we only talk about music."
The statement didn't go by his bandmates unnoticed though, but they didn't ask about it straight. Only Kyo dropped a remark about it when the whole band met the next day. The statement had hurt Die a lot somehow, because although they didn't talk much nowadays he would've never thought that their friendship was threatened to wither away.
Kaoru defended himself by telling the others that this was the easiest way to keep the reporters from asking too many personal questions about another bandmember. Somehow, none of them believed that completely though, but since the leader had been terribly moody lately, they didn't dare to bug him about that.
Eventually the statement resulted in them talking even less with each other. Die even thought about approaching the lead guitarist at one point to talk about that statement and ask where it had come from, but since he didn't do it instantly it just was forgotten again.
Somehow, Kaoru was angry. He had thought that touring the US and Europe would bring them closer together as a band and as friends, but as it seemed, it didn't. Quite the contrary. But usually, they had at least paired up; Toshiya and Shinya and he and Die, Kyo almost staying for himself. But not even that happened. Now it was Toshiya, Shinya and Die and then Kaoru and the vocalist as singles who staid in their rooms mostly and didn't attach importance to mingle too much with the other bands.
Although Die seemed to be overly happy all along, he still was somewhat relieved when the tour began to near its end. Maybe things would go back to normal once they were back home again? It bothered him more and more every day how the tension within the band and especially between him and Kaoru seemed to grow. He still blamed the stress though, knowing that it was hard on all of them. Even the others had begun to be more and grumpier at times, so it seemed only natural.
But the closer their return date to Tokyo came, the mood brightened. At least Kyo was openly showing his happiness about going back home. He had enjoyed the stay in America, partly at least, but he was always homesick for Japan. Kaoru’s mood lightened up as well since he knew that it wasn't likely that Pig would show up any damn day in Japan. Besides, Dir en grey had their own tour coming up soon and it meant that they would be busy anyways and he might have the chance to reanimate his friendship with Die and work on it.
What he didn't know though, was that Pig had promised to come to Japan to visit them soon. And Die kindly forgot to inform him, until they were already back home, their flight just landed and they were waiting for their taxis to arrive.
They were sitting on a long bench, side by side and not talking because they were tired after the flight. But then Die broke the silence, turning his head a bit to look to the side and cast a glance at the lead guitarist. "You know, it's not long until the tour starts..."
"Yeah." Kaoru nodded and blinked tiredly behind dark shades. "But luckily we have a few days off to adjust and to get rid of the jet-lag. I think we all pretty much need it." One glance at the other bandmembers told him that they all were exhausted. Not only from the flight but from the long US-tour.
"I know. But it's still somehow nice to tour here too." Die smiled a bit tiredly. "You know, seeing the fans here and all." Obviously he had something else in mind as well, but he hesitated for a moment before opening his mouth and speaking up. "And you know, Pig promised to come and see a few shows." He looked at the other from the corner of his eyes, his voice clearly tentative.
Hearing the hated name alone caused Kaoru to grit his teeth, the muscles in his cheeks clearly showing. "I see. A few? He must have a lot of free time for someone who plays in a band." Sarcasm was dripping from the words and even made Toshiya turn his head and listen up.
"Well, he said that they're having a pause now, before they go on recording. And it'd be nice to see him and all." The redhead shrugged, trying to casually keep the conversation going, hoping he could somehow find out what was bothering Kaoru so much.
"Didn't you see him enough already over in the US?" Although the lead-guitarist had admonished himself to hold back, the question had just slipped him accidentally. He blamed the tiredness for his lack of self-control.
"Kao... What's bugging you?" Die frowned openly, deciding he could as well take the chance and try to talk about it. "Isn't it just normal to want to see your friends?"
"Yeah, right." The older snorted and turned his head to the side, gazing into the huge entrance-hall. He didn't like the way Die was looking at him, didn't like how his question sounded in his ears, how he said 'your friends'. What was with him, with their friendship? But he didn't allow himself to finish this trail of thoughts, instead remained silent.
Toshiya frowned, looking to and fro between the two guitarists before he exchanged a questioning glance with the drummer who only shrugged his shoulders. Kyo was almost asleep and didn't notice anything about what was going on around them, totally oblivious towards the tension between the two eldest.
"Come on Kaoru!" Die was getting slightly impatient about the way the other reacted and never explained anything. "Talk to me! Why the sudden attitude? I thought you liked him too... you seemed to be friends."
For a long moment, the older guitarist only stared at him through his shades, his expression unreadable. Then, he opened his mouth, but shook his head. "Just forget it, Die."
"I won't!" Die shook his head stubbornly. "Besides, you can't just act like that when they come here and open a couple of our shows."
"What???" Kaoru almost fell off his seat as he turned around to face the other suddenly. Toshiya and Shinya gasped a bit surprised as well. "Great! Just perfect." The lead-guitarist growled and stood up, looking at the redhead from above. "Then you and your precious best friend can hang out every fucking day. I'm glad to hear that." With having said that, he turned around, grabbed his bag and rushed out of the building, intending to find a damn taxi to bring him home. In his mind, he saw Pig arrive within the next two days already and that meant that he wouldn't have the opportunity to spend some time with his old friend alone.
The redhead just stared after the other, completely stunned. Only after a long while he noticed that both Shinya and Toshiya were now staring openly at him, and somehow it made him feel uncomfortable. "What?" He tried to seem as casual as possible. "I didn't say anything. He just snapped." He knew that there had been something in what he'd said though, but he still had no idea what it was. Why did the lead guitarist seem to hate Pig all of a sudden?
"Well," Toshiya smiled wearily, "you said that it's only normal to want to see your friends. That kinda excluded him," he pointed out carefully. Although he believed there was more to it, he thought it would be better if Die found out himself.
"But we practically lived together the whole tour!" Die was clearly frustrated, casting a glance at Shinya who seemed to side with the bassist. "And I've friggin' TRIED to get him come along to have some fun, and he's the one who always rejected the offer."
"I can only tell you as I see it," Toshiya began again, "and that is that you haven’t spent time together lately practically at all. Just the two of you. When did you last go out alone?"
"Go out?" The redhead fell silent, casting his eyes down. It was true, since he didn't even remember when they had last spent time just the two of them.
"Just think about how you'd feel if he introduced a friend to you and suddenly only spends time with him," Shinya interfered, his voice soft and low.
"Kao's friggin' jealous!" Everybody's head snapped around to face the small vocalist who still lolled in the seat, his eyes closed.
"What!?" Die couldn't help but to startle at the last word, since somehow Kyo sounded like it wasn't just being jealous like friends were at each other. But it couldn't be that Kaoru...? The rhythm guitarist shook his head, slowly getting up from his seat. "You can't be serious. I gotta talk to him."
"Yeah, that's the first bright remark that's coming from you in a long time." Kyo looked up, smirking at the redhead. "But beware. You might not like what he tells you."
"Whaddya mean?" The guitarist had locked his eyes on the small blonde, practically piercing him with the gaze. "You can't be saying that he...?"
The other shook his head. "I'm not saying anything. But I'm not blind either." Indeed, the vocalist tended to see more than one would think and he had sharp senses.
"This is fucking crazy," Die only mumbled under his breath, before he turned on his heels and headed out of the place, even forgetting one of his bags beside his seat. He needed to talk to his friend, and before that he needed to figure out what to say to him.
The remaining three bandmembers were staring after him. When their drivers arrived, Toshiya took Die's bag with him, because he didn't live too far away from the redhead. He thought he could bring it to Die the next day maybe.
Author:
seinen_no and fonulynRating: PG [going up to NC17]
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: Dir en grey has been playing in the US, and the stressful touring is finally getting to them. Kaoru in particular has troubles controlling his nerves and bad mood, caused by the awakening jealousy inside of him, something he doesn’t want to admit to anyone.
Comments:
seinen_no: A new one! Well… not really new to be exact, 'cause fonulyn and I finished this quite some time ago already. First of all, I want to say that either of us has NO idea about Wednesday 13 or Pig, about their works and all. I know one song, that's it. I have nothing against Piggy, although at one point, he began to annoy me since he was in every friggin' picture with Die and all that mumbo-jumbo.
Second, it was great fun for me to see Kao being utterly insecure for once and I friggin' KNOW he wouldn't act like the way he acts here and that it's kinda OOC and far fetched, but then, eh, it's for our own amusement :D
This is a short fic and will only have 5 chapters. Still, I hope you like reading it^^
fonulyn: Well, what to say. Firs of all, I don’t even know that one song from Wednesday 13 so I know absolutely NOTHING about them. So no blaming me if there’s something inaccurate there :D I didn’t even bother to do much research for it *coughs* I’m bad, I know. But then again, despite what seinen_no said, I don’t know about the being out of character thing. I still say we can’t know how they are and act, so maybe Kao would act more similarly to this than we’d even assume ;) I think I’ve read much worse OOCness too. Just read for yourself to find out! It was fun to write this, despite all, and I hope you enjoy it too^^ And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Chapter 1
"Wow Die, cool jacket. Is that new?" Toshiya remarked with a commendatory whistle. He, Kaoru and the redheaded guitarist had gotten dressed for an interview they were supposed to give.
Although the bassist was smiling, one could see that the tour stress had left its marks on his face. Finally, they were touring the USA. After playing in Europe, they now had grabbed the opportunity to reach many new people by joining the Family Values Tour together with bands like Korn and Stone Sour; bands who some of them had admired for a longer time already.
It was a hectic tour, a new city almost every day. At one point, they all had given up on asking where they were or what the city was called. Not even the names of the radio stations, magazines or music stations interested them anymore, unless it was an interview for MTV which still was something special to them. They were doing their job, gave interviews and tried to overcome the language barrier.
The question instantly caused Die's expression to brighten, and managed to make him flash one of his happy grins. "Yeah, I got it from Pig. Cool, right?" He nodded to emphasize the words even, obviously happy about his new jacket, and that his friend had noticed it. "I was in need of a new jacket anyways." He explained a bit further, looking from one of his friends to the other.
Somehow it managed to pass him by though that Kaoru didn't exactly seem all enthusiastic about the situation, nor the new garment. At the mentioning of the redhead's new American friend, Kaoru rolled his eyes and released an annoyed sigh. Suspiciously, the lead-guitarist had watched how Die and Pig had become friends, best buds as it seemed. It made him want to puke. How could somebody call himself 'Pig' anyways? The coolness of the name must have somehow passed him by.
He had been friends with Die for ages, almost a decade, and now this American just waltzed into their lives and lured the redhead away from him. Die had always been easily attracted to new things, had always liked to meet new people, especially bands from other countries. When they first had met Wednesday 13, Pig's band or, more likely, the band where he played guitar, Kaoru really had been fond of them as well.
It had been in Germany during their first time playing outside of Asia. At the huge festival, Rock am Ring, they had met and Die and the other guitarist had instantly gotten along well. Nobody could have known that they would grow to become closer friends. Kaoru had always smiled at Die when he had talked excitedly about meeting Pig in the USA once, had thought those were just empty words. But now, he had to learn that he had been wrong.
What was this anyway? Pig giving Die a jacket. Was he hitting on the redhead? A low growl left the lead-guitarist's throat when he only thought about that. He had always known that Die went both ways, one gender seemingly not enough for the overly energetic and often over-the-edge redhead. And although this was common knowledge within the band, Kaoru had never dared to give in to his own feelings and hit on the other man himself.
In the beginning, he had been too afraid to mess up the mood within the band. There were enough examples of how a relationship within a band had destroyed everything. Then, later, Die had become his friend, trusted him and somehow Kaoru didn't have the guts anymore to try something; too afraid to be rejected and too afraid to risk their friendship.
But seeing the redhead getting along so well with Pig and with almost everybody from the bands who joined the FVT made him feel left out. His English wasn't as good as Die's and he was left to just play the silent watcher sometimes while Die had his fun partying. "When the heck did you meet him again anyways," he mumbled under his breath. Both, hoping that he was heard and that he wasn't.
A small frown appeared on the redhead's forehead as he looked at his friend. Where did that come from? Somehow Kaoru had been acting grumpy lately for no obvious reason. Die was willing to blame the stress the tour caused though since after all, the biggest part of the responsibility always fell on Kaoru who insisted on taking care of things.
"In the morning, after breakfast." His answer was just casual though, his tone not giving away that he was disturbed by the reaction somehow. "I told you last night at the hotel about it already, remember?"
Kaoru nodded slowly. "Yeah, I remember. It just must have slipped my mind that he flew here, JUST to meet you." With that, the lead-guitarist turned around and marched towards the backdoor to take a smoke outside in the yard before the interview would begin. Another thing he hated about the USA was that they always had to take care where they were allowed to smoke and where not and right at that moment, it seemed to be sufficient to make him kick the door open instead of using the handle.
Toshiya patted the redhead's shoulder compassionately and smiled at him. "Don't bother. He might have stood up with the wrong leg or then didn't have any coffee yet."
"He's been awfully grumpy lately." Die sighed a bit as he turned to look straight at his bandmate. "But it happens, he just lets all the stress pile up until it begins to affect him."
It wasn't totally uncommon for Kaoru to be moody, they had been through something like this before too. If something didn't go according to plans or if there was something that didn't please the leader, he showed it by acting bitchy.
And Kaoru knew it himself that he sometimes acted like a girl suffering from pms. But he couldn't change it. Especially not now. Not when jealousy was slowly eating him up. If only he knew whether there was something going on between Pig and Die, he would have at least had a reason to be jealous, or he could've done something to win the redhead for himself. After all, he had known him for much longer.
But then, if he was completely honest with himself, he had to admit that he still wouldn't dare to make a move. He didn't even know if he really wanted to start something with the redhead. After all, Kaoru hadn't had anything with a man before, although he had never banished the idea in the beginning. Only after Die had stepped into his life, he had really considered the possibility. Though if he kept on acting like that, he would only scare everybody away.
Sighing, he killed the last remains of his cigarette, took a deep breath and went back inside. He should really go and find somebody to get laid. It just had been too long since the last time; his strange admiration for the redhead and his very bad mood lately had hindered him to get it on with somebody.
They were all already waiting for the lead guitarist, the interview ready to begin. Both, Toshiya and Die instantly cast an inquiring glance at him when he walked in, as if trying to see if he still was in a bad mood or if he was addressable.
As there were no signs of utter annoyance, they relaxed in their seats, ready to concentrate on the questions which would follow. Kaoru really seemed to be over the grumpyness for the time being, or then he was just able to cover it well because they were joking and answering to the questions almost honestly.
Silently Die was keeping an eye on the lead guitarist though, trying to figure out what it was this time that had caused his friend to fall into one of his moods. Maybe Kaoru should try to relax some evening, he decided, determined to drag the older man along to one of the regular parties after the shows.
And he did. No matter how sternly Kaoru refused, he didn't stand a chance against his redheaded friend who told him how much fun it'd be to hang out with the other bands and have a drink. The lead-guitarist clung to his beer all the time and watched his surrounding suspiciously while Die was instantly surrounded by a cluster of people who joked with him and challenged him for a drinking battle.
Only after some time, Kaoru slowly adjusted to the situation and talked to some people shallowly, but he always kept an eye on his friend who seemed to have forgotten about him once the Americans had demanded his attention.
It wasn't that Die would've wanted to ignore Kaoru, quite the contrary, but he was so easily pulled into the situation, getting enthusiastic and trying to communicate and increase his English. It demanded a lot of concentration though, and he had to turn all his attention towards the one who was speaking to him currently.
Deep inside, Kaoru knew that of course, but his anyways melancholy and moreover jealous state of mind didn't allow him to see that. So after some time, he sat down on one of the plastic chairs and began to down one beer after another without even tasting it. Toshiya and Shinya were showing up as well, but when they noticed the leader's somehow distant and grim expression, they decided not to join him. The tour was stressful enough and so they wanted to have fun at the evenings and relax, trying to get the most of hanging out with foreigners.
It was already late, everything dark, although the people still didn't seem to slow down, merry chatting sounding from all around them. There had been a pause in the conversation Die had been leading with someone he only knew by looks and not by name, and he had accidentally happened to glance towards Kaoru, noticing his dark expression. This had been about making the other guitarist relax as well, and so he carefully approached, plopping down on the bench next to him and giving him a happy smile.
"Come on, try to socialize with people a bit! No one's going to come to chat with you while you look like you could kill." He chuckled, reached out his hand and nudged the other man's shoulder a bit.
Kaoru inhaled deeply and nodded, forcing a smile on his lips. "I know." He looked at his friend for a long moment and instantly felt bad. Die seemed to be so happy and he should grant his friend this exciting experience to have so many bands around and enjoy the partying. "I'm sorry," he apologized, blinking tiredly, "maybe it's not my day. I think I should go to bed and try to get some sleep. Tomorrow it's my turn to do the meet and greet." From the corner of his eyes, he saw one of their crewmen running around with a camera, banning everything on film for the tour diary and for their upcoming DVD. "Let's repeat this some other day, okay?"
"If you think so." Die seemed to be somewhat disappointed, but he forced himself to just smile casually. After all, the other man was a grown up and should know what was best for him. "Just take care of yourself, alright?"
"Sure." Nodding, the older guitarist stood up. But before he turned around to leave, he gave his friend a serious look. "And you make sure not to drink too much. Don't think all this 'I like, I like' or the 'I'm a fucking rockstar, bitch' passes me by unnoticed."
The redhead coughed, chuckling a bit embarrassed. "Hey come on, Kao. I still do my job properly." He flashed the other a grin, running his fingers through his hair in a slightly nervous gesture.
"You do." The older guitarist admitted nodding. "But if you don't slow down, you risk becoming sick." Winking, he finally turned around and left the scenery to get to the motelroom they occupied for the night.
Once he was there, he didn't go to bed straight and instead switched on his laptop to watch part of the film their crewmen had taken the previous days. There were a lot of scenes showing how well Die got along with the other bands and the staffmembers. Usually, this wouldn't disturb Kaoru, but he was a bit thin skinned at the moment and still felt left out although his friend had tried to involve him.
The main problem was, he didn't want to be involved. He wanted to hang out alone with the other man again like in the old times. Something must have happened, because they had stopped doing that even before Dir en grey had moved out to conquer the world.
'Die wa ani! Die wa ani!' (Die's my older brother). The scene caught Kaoru's attention and with a huge sigh, he finally switched off the laptop, unable to see this much happiness about the statement in the redhead's face, unable to stand his laughter. Maybe Die was right. Maybe he should mingle more. But he wasn't as bad as Kyo who almost never participated in activities after the shows.
Somehow Die wasn't able to completely relax again after the lead guitarist had retreated. He didn't even know what it was, but he sensed that there was something bothering his friend, something he apparently wanted to keep to himself. The redhead still didn't leave his newly won friends right away, a few minutes becoming hours before he finally dragged himself to the hotelroom, and straight to bed without even undressing properly.
Still, somewhere in the back of his skull, there was this nagging feeling that something was amiss with Kaoru, but he shrugged it off by telling himself he'd talk to him in the morning if he still didn't seem to be back to normal.
But the next days were so stressful, filled with new experiences and cities, that there was no time to talk, or better said, that Die simply forgot it. Kaoru's mood seemed to be better anyways and so there was no reason to sweat about it anymore. As everybody knew, the leader had his moody days at times. It was his way to deal with the pressure. He even joined the regular parties in the evenings sometimes and cooked octopus-rice-balls for the Americans. The concerts were okay. Of course there weren't as many people coming to see Dir en grey as for their one-man-shows, but the few who were there made it up by being twice as enthusiastic.
Along with the days passing, Die's English seemed to get better and better though, and along with that he spent even more time with the other bands, if possible. Usually he tried to urge Kaoru to join the company too, but mostly the older man refused, coming up with some kind of decent excuse. And every now and then Die thought about talking about it to the other guitarist, but the thought had escaped him the next day already, drowned out by the hectic schedule and heavy partying.
At one point, the lead-guitarist was even worried about his friend and his recent drinking habits. There were pictures and films where one could see Die getting heavily drunk. Shinya and Toshiya were drinking as well, but kept it at a more moderate level usually.
Still, Kaoru didn't dare to talk to Die about it as he knew the other's answer already. 'C'mon Kao, don't be a spoilsport. We've been getting plastered all the time during our tours before too.' Die would say. Despite the fact that he would be right, Kaoru as well had to pay respect to the fact that the redhead was full aged and supposed to know what he did. But it always hurt him to hear the other's forceful chokes when he was bending over the toilet, vomiting.
There was nothing to slow the redhead down though, as he seemingly thought he was having the time of his life. All the new people, new things around him simply fed his curious nature, and he couldn't get enough of it. There were mornings though when he thought he would never drink again, but the empty promise was long forgotten as the evening came.
Another thing that begun to get on Kaoru's nerves, was that most of the time Pig was like glued to the redhead's company, following Die everywhere or the other way around. Although Wednesday 13 was not a part of the Family Value tour, their guitarist showed up whenever his schedule allowed it and apparently, he had some free days, because he followed them around everywhere.
For the first time in his life, Kaoru had problems to remain polite and friendly towards somebody. He kept on telling himself that Pig hadn't done anything to deserve his hatred, but he demanded Die's attention whenever possible.
For some reason, the American seemed to like Kaoru though, because he never let a possibility pass by unused to get a picture together with him and the redhead. Once, Kaoru had found one of those pictures on the net where a fan had cut out Pig. He had stared at it for a long time, thinking that the picture was so much better like this. Finally, he even saved it on his computer.
Pig however always remained polite and friendly towards the lead guitarist, oblivious towards the fact that he was irritating the other. No one else noticed Kaoru's inner struggle either, since he managed to cover it almost perfectly. Die was even extremely happy that there seemed to be someone with whom Kaoru got along, even with the language barrier and everything. So he even tried to make Kaoru come along whenever he had plans to go out with Pig, thinking that this way everyone would have fun.
The lead-guitarist grabbed any given opportunity to be around Die during their free time, even if it meant to deal with Pig and the fact that his best friend was like glued him. If only he knew if the American wanted more from the redhead than friendship. After all, they were getting along too well for his taste and knowing Die and his enormous waste of affairs, it wasn't too farfetched to think that there was something going on between them.
But Kaoru never even got the slightest hint which confirmed his suspicion. That, however, didn't soothe his jealousy in the slightest. If he only hadn't let all these years pass by without trying his luck, he would at least know what Die thought about him by now. The band had always been his first priority, the band and their friendship though, so there had been no way in his eyes.
Still, he was getting older, was afraid to be left alone once. All he ever had had was the band and because Die had shared the same fate, it had made them companions by nature somehow. What if the other now found somebody he wanted to lead a relationship with? Somebody other than Kaoru?
It was a hard place for the lead-guitarist and he couldn't help but to go through the situation in his mind over and over again. It was of no use though, since he still didn't have the guts to act on his emotions and instead simply clung on to the old, safe patterns.
Toshiya had noticed though that there was something odd in Kaoru's behaviour, the way he cast dark glances at the people Die was talking animatedly with. Probably no one else saw it though, but the bassist had always been good in reading people's expressions and he knew Kaoru well enough to spot that there was something going on inside his head.
He tried to talk to Kaoru once, but only received a dismissive answer that there was nothing and he should mind his own business. That reaction only fastened the bassist's belief that there was something bothering the leader, but he kept it for himself until he would be completely sure.
Things were going slightly out of hand when Kaoru noticed that he began to murder people with his eyes when they were only chatting with Die too long for his taste, but even that passed the others by. He had truly learned to build up a wall around himself, acting not much different than usual. Besides, he did his work and nobody could tell that there was even anything else on his mind than music when he was on stage.
But the tour kept on pulling their nerves, the stress causing all of them to over-react on the smallest things sometimes. So it fitted the common picture that Kaoru gave sarcastic answers to one of his bandmates' questions or even yelled when something didn't go according to the plan.
It was beginning to be harder and harder for him to act in a friendly way towards Pig though, as in his eyes the other man was an obstacle that stood between him and the redhead. Somehow he even felt guilty about his thoughts, as the poor man had never done anything bad, had always been happy and nice. But still Kaoru couldn't help that at one point even seeing his face annoyed him.
He was still hoping that he could spend some time just together with Die, but night after night the redhead came to him with the same question; "Wanna go somewhere with me and Pig?"
One evening, Kaoru snapped and yelled. "No, I don't want to go out with you AND Pig. For god's sake what is he? Your lover?" The question had slipped him accidentally and he turned pale as a sheet after realizing what he had said.
"Sorry..." Quickly, Kaoru turned around and darted off, only thinking about getting as far away from his friend and Pig as possible. He should've thought about it though since they would have to face each other again in the tourbus latest.
The words had left Die completely stunned, hitting him like lightning from a clear sky. Where had that come from? It seemed like Kaoru was pissed for some reason, and it didn't make Die feel nice. He stood there, mouth slightly open and just staring after the other man before someone called his name and caused him to snap back to reality. Maybe he HAD been neglecting his old friend lately, paying him too less attention..?
Kaoru was fuming, mostly angry at himself for this outburst. While walking, he lit himself a cigarette, not bothering for the huge 'no smoking' sign at the wall beside him. Only when he was outside and alone, he allowed himself to stop and close his eyes. He had to think about a decent excuse for this, about something Die would believe him.
Die didn't ask when they met the next time, because there were too many people around them. One could clearly see that he was still confused though, frowning slightly as he looked at the lead guitarist. But the other seemed to be just as confused and one could see by the look in Kaoru's eyes that he was truly sorry for the happened.
They never mentioned it again. As days were passing by, it became more and more ridiculous to address an incident which was long gone already, although both men kept on thinking about it. It was shown in the way they were talking to each other, as if either of them was waiting for a hint or a sign to finally get this on the table.
Sadly, that somehow never happened, until the point when neither of them could've brought it up even if they wanted to. But Die didn't ask Kaoru to join them that often anymore, somehow hesitating to speak about his American friend with the lead guitarist. He still didn't know how to say 'no' when Pig asked him for a drink or to hit the streets on a free day, and ended up spending a lot of time with him anyways. And not only with him since he was still popular amongst the other bands as well.
Kaoru tried to make some friends of his own. He talked more to some of the others and became a bit more relaxed around them. Even though he hadn't liked going out with Die and Pig, he now was almost going insane when they decided to hit some clubs alone; jealousy eating him up alive.
He would've never thought that that was possible, because he was such a calm and head-orientated person. But he had feelings as well and it hurt to see his best friend just casting him aside when something more exciting appeared.
It happened a few times though that they just went just out alone, only Dir en grey, and spent time totally without the American bands and other people. But those were rare occasions.
It bothered Die that he never seemed to talk with the older guitarist nowadays, they only greeted each other mostly when they met somewhere before or after a show. He still remembered times when they had staid up almost all night just the two of them, talking and maybe drinking and having a good time.
Kaoru missed those times too; almost corporally. He just felt miserable, but still managed to keep up a smile at times and to fool everybody who didn't know him well. Slowly, he began to feel as if he didn't even know his friend at all, as if he had never known him. So one day, when they gave an interview and he was asked about the relations in the band, he just frankly said that they never talked about private things. The reporter seemed to be surprised, but Kaoru just went on. "One thing why the band works so well is that we keep our private lives away from each other and we only talk about music."
The statement didn't go by his bandmates unnoticed though, but they didn't ask about it straight. Only Kyo dropped a remark about it when the whole band met the next day. The statement had hurt Die a lot somehow, because although they didn't talk much nowadays he would've never thought that their friendship was threatened to wither away.
Kaoru defended himself by telling the others that this was the easiest way to keep the reporters from asking too many personal questions about another bandmember. Somehow, none of them believed that completely though, but since the leader had been terribly moody lately, they didn't dare to bug him about that.
Eventually the statement resulted in them talking even less with each other. Die even thought about approaching the lead guitarist at one point to talk about that statement and ask where it had come from, but since he didn't do it instantly it just was forgotten again.
Somehow, Kaoru was angry. He had thought that touring the US and Europe would bring them closer together as a band and as friends, but as it seemed, it didn't. Quite the contrary. But usually, they had at least paired up; Toshiya and Shinya and he and Die, Kyo almost staying for himself. But not even that happened. Now it was Toshiya, Shinya and Die and then Kaoru and the vocalist as singles who staid in their rooms mostly and didn't attach importance to mingle too much with the other bands.
Although Die seemed to be overly happy all along, he still was somewhat relieved when the tour began to near its end. Maybe things would go back to normal once they were back home again? It bothered him more and more every day how the tension within the band and especially between him and Kaoru seemed to grow. He still blamed the stress though, knowing that it was hard on all of them. Even the others had begun to be more and grumpier at times, so it seemed only natural.
But the closer their return date to Tokyo came, the mood brightened. At least Kyo was openly showing his happiness about going back home. He had enjoyed the stay in America, partly at least, but he was always homesick for Japan. Kaoru’s mood lightened up as well since he knew that it wasn't likely that Pig would show up any damn day in Japan. Besides, Dir en grey had their own tour coming up soon and it meant that they would be busy anyways and he might have the chance to reanimate his friendship with Die and work on it.
What he didn't know though, was that Pig had promised to come to Japan to visit them soon. And Die kindly forgot to inform him, until they were already back home, their flight just landed and they were waiting for their taxis to arrive.
They were sitting on a long bench, side by side and not talking because they were tired after the flight. But then Die broke the silence, turning his head a bit to look to the side and cast a glance at the lead guitarist. "You know, it's not long until the tour starts..."
"Yeah." Kaoru nodded and blinked tiredly behind dark shades. "But luckily we have a few days off to adjust and to get rid of the jet-lag. I think we all pretty much need it." One glance at the other bandmembers told him that they all were exhausted. Not only from the flight but from the long US-tour.
"I know. But it's still somehow nice to tour here too." Die smiled a bit tiredly. "You know, seeing the fans here and all." Obviously he had something else in mind as well, but he hesitated for a moment before opening his mouth and speaking up. "And you know, Pig promised to come and see a few shows." He looked at the other from the corner of his eyes, his voice clearly tentative.
Hearing the hated name alone caused Kaoru to grit his teeth, the muscles in his cheeks clearly showing. "I see. A few? He must have a lot of free time for someone who plays in a band." Sarcasm was dripping from the words and even made Toshiya turn his head and listen up.
"Well, he said that they're having a pause now, before they go on recording. And it'd be nice to see him and all." The redhead shrugged, trying to casually keep the conversation going, hoping he could somehow find out what was bothering Kaoru so much.
"Didn't you see him enough already over in the US?" Although the lead-guitarist had admonished himself to hold back, the question had just slipped him accidentally. He blamed the tiredness for his lack of self-control.
"Kao... What's bugging you?" Die frowned openly, deciding he could as well take the chance and try to talk about it. "Isn't it just normal to want to see your friends?"
"Yeah, right." The older snorted and turned his head to the side, gazing into the huge entrance-hall. He didn't like the way Die was looking at him, didn't like how his question sounded in his ears, how he said 'your friends'. What was with him, with their friendship? But he didn't allow himself to finish this trail of thoughts, instead remained silent.
Toshiya frowned, looking to and fro between the two guitarists before he exchanged a questioning glance with the drummer who only shrugged his shoulders. Kyo was almost asleep and didn't notice anything about what was going on around them, totally oblivious towards the tension between the two eldest.
"Come on Kaoru!" Die was getting slightly impatient about the way the other reacted and never explained anything. "Talk to me! Why the sudden attitude? I thought you liked him too... you seemed to be friends."
For a long moment, the older guitarist only stared at him through his shades, his expression unreadable. Then, he opened his mouth, but shook his head. "Just forget it, Die."
"I won't!" Die shook his head stubbornly. "Besides, you can't just act like that when they come here and open a couple of our shows."
"What???" Kaoru almost fell off his seat as he turned around to face the other suddenly. Toshiya and Shinya gasped a bit surprised as well. "Great! Just perfect." The lead-guitarist growled and stood up, looking at the redhead from above. "Then you and your precious best friend can hang out every fucking day. I'm glad to hear that." With having said that, he turned around, grabbed his bag and rushed out of the building, intending to find a damn taxi to bring him home. In his mind, he saw Pig arrive within the next two days already and that meant that he wouldn't have the opportunity to spend some time with his old friend alone.
The redhead just stared after the other, completely stunned. Only after a long while he noticed that both Shinya and Toshiya were now staring openly at him, and somehow it made him feel uncomfortable. "What?" He tried to seem as casual as possible. "I didn't say anything. He just snapped." He knew that there had been something in what he'd said though, but he still had no idea what it was. Why did the lead guitarist seem to hate Pig all of a sudden?
"Well," Toshiya smiled wearily, "you said that it's only normal to want to see your friends. That kinda excluded him," he pointed out carefully. Although he believed there was more to it, he thought it would be better if Die found out himself.
"But we practically lived together the whole tour!" Die was clearly frustrated, casting a glance at Shinya who seemed to side with the bassist. "And I've friggin' TRIED to get him come along to have some fun, and he's the one who always rejected the offer."
"I can only tell you as I see it," Toshiya began again, "and that is that you haven’t spent time together lately practically at all. Just the two of you. When did you last go out alone?"
"Go out?" The redhead fell silent, casting his eyes down. It was true, since he didn't even remember when they had last spent time just the two of them.
"Just think about how you'd feel if he introduced a friend to you and suddenly only spends time with him," Shinya interfered, his voice soft and low.
"Kao's friggin' jealous!" Everybody's head snapped around to face the small vocalist who still lolled in the seat, his eyes closed.
"What!?" Die couldn't help but to startle at the last word, since somehow Kyo sounded like it wasn't just being jealous like friends were at each other. But it couldn't be that Kaoru...? The rhythm guitarist shook his head, slowly getting up from his seat. "You can't be serious. I gotta talk to him."
"Yeah, that's the first bright remark that's coming from you in a long time." Kyo looked up, smirking at the redhead. "But beware. You might not like what he tells you."
"Whaddya mean?" The guitarist had locked his eyes on the small blonde, practically piercing him with the gaze. "You can't be saying that he...?"
The other shook his head. "I'm not saying anything. But I'm not blind either." Indeed, the vocalist tended to see more than one would think and he had sharp senses.
"This is fucking crazy," Die only mumbled under his breath, before he turned on his heels and headed out of the place, even forgetting one of his bags beside his seat. He needed to talk to his friend, and before that he needed to figure out what to say to him.
The remaining three bandmembers were staring after him. When their drivers arrived, Toshiya took Die's bag with him, because he didn't live too far away from the redhead. He thought he could bring it to Die the next day maybe.