rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-06-01 12:21 am
rabenhorst) wrote2007-06-01 12:21 am
(no subject)
Title: Heaven Sent; Chapter 7/7
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seinen_no and fonulyn
Rating: NC17 overall
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: Kaoru is just an ordinary man, leading an ordinary life, until one day he gets an unexpected visitor from above in form of a bouncy angel who is going to turn his life upside down.
Comments:
seinen_no: Hey there! Okay, another fic comes to an end and again I have no idea what to say. Some of you will find their theories confirmed XD I have to admit that re-reading it made me sad at times. Still, I think you enjoy it. And thank you all for your nice comments^^ *big hugs*
fonulyn: I really don’t know what else to say than thank you for all being there again^^ I hope you enjoyed the story, although it made a turn from a overly happy and bouncy one to a more angsty and sad fic. And I hope the ending doesn’t disappoint you either!
Previously happened: Heaven Sent, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6
Heaven Sent
Chapter 7
Since it wasn't far away, they walked the distance instead of trying to get a taxi or the train. It gave them time to think, and somehow the day was silent as if it sensed that they were going through hard times. Die led them to an old cemetery, taking a course between the graves in search for something.
"Great!" Kaoru snorted sarcastically. "Now the last one's dead?" He didn't want to believe it and couldn't prevent anger from rising inside him. Whoever had chosen him to save those people's lives indeed had a good sense for drama, saving the best for last.
"At least he's not going to attack you." The redhead shrugged, his attempt to smile failing rather miserably. He stopped in front of a grave, briefly glancing at the name and the dates to make sure it was the right one. "Here. He was supposed to be the other guitarist."
Although there wasn't much to be seen, Kaoru stepped closer to the tomb, crouching down in front of it. It didn't seem like anybody was taking care of the grave, because it was covered with weeds and wild flowers. The name on the tomb said "Andou Daisuke" and for some reason, reading it caused a twitch inside Kaoru's stomach. There was no picture, nothing that gave away why he had died or how he had led his life. But it came clear to Kaoru that he would have to find out as if it was vital for him. Slowly, he stood up and turned around to face the redhead. "How did he die?"
"Drunk-driving." Die stated shortly, turning his gaze down to look at the stone. "He drank too much, lost his job and begun to drink even more. And one day, he wasn't as lucky as before, and steered his car straight into a truck. Needless to say which car lost."
For a few seconds, Kaoru couldn't say anything and just tried to process the words. "He was even younger than me..." He finally breathed out, talking more to himself. He had read about dozens of people who got killed because of drunk driving and usually, he lacked certain compassion, thinking those people just had deserved it for being careless. But why did it bother him now? Probably because this guy was part of the mission and was supposed to play in the band which had never been founded.
"Yeah. He's gone for months now." Die took a look at the dates again, to make sure he was right. Somehow he felt sorry for whoever had been buried there. Although drunk, he could've still led a decent life.
Suddenly, there was a lump in Kaoru's throat and he reached for the other's hand to steady himself. Somehow, it became harder and harder to stick to his decision not to give the band a try. Wouldn't it be a sin if he stuck to his life for pure selfish reasons?
The redhead guessed what was going through the other's mind, and he couldn't bring himself to be happy about it, although his mission seemed to be close to success. "You want to go home? Or stay here for a moment?" He spoke silently, still staring at the tombstone.
Reluctantly, Kaoru averted his gaze from the grave and turned it to the angel. "I think I want to go home now. I need to search the net for a new job." Of course this was just a pretence, but he needed time to think, time where Die wouldn't be so close to him and bereave him of the capability to get an objective view on the things. With a faint smile, he added. "There's nothing we can do for the poor bastard now anyways."
The redhead nodded, not turning to look at the other though. "Let's get back to the train station then." Somehow he had the feeling deep down inside that Kaoru would go back, that he would try to make things right for these four people he was able to help.
The mood was depressed and neither of them spoke a word throughout the whole ride. Kaoru's thoughts were racing and he began to ask himself if he could ever take a look into the mirror again when he decided not to go back. On the other hand, it wasn't sure that it would change anything, that he would be able to help those guys. And he would forget everything about Die, would have never known him. Who would throw away love for a few strangers? He? The answer was a faint 'maybe'.
As they got back to the apartment they shared, Die forced the melancholy away for a few moments, turning to give the other a small smile. "Want something to eat or drink? I can get something for you."
"That'd be nice." The answer went along with a similar smile and he received a short peck on the lips. "Just let me search the net quickly, then I eat something and then I think about how you can make the rest of the day as comfortable as possible for me."
"Okay. Tell me if you need anything." The angel nodded, the forced smile stuck on his face. Slowly he turned around, heading to the kitchen to see if there was something to eat for the other man.
Right after he was gone, Kaoru switched on his computer and opened the internet. He didn't waste a single second on searching for a job, but instead googled the name "Andou Daisuke" and the words "alcohol", "truck" and "accident". It didn't take long and he found an article of a local newspaper which had reported about the accident. It didn't say much about the person's life, but there was a small picture.
Kaoru yelped and his heart stopped beating when he saw it. Daisuke Andou was his Die; his angel. The very person who was just a couple of metres away in the kitchen and prepared some food for him. The realization struck where it hurt and Kaoru felt a lump in his throat. This was just so unfair!
Die had heard the small yelp which had slipped the human, and somehow it worried him instantly. He had been heating some soup for Kaoru, but now let it be, thinking it'd survive on its own for a few seconds. When he stood in the doorframe, he raised his voice so the other was able to hear him. "Something wrong?"
For once Kaoru was glad that he had been working in an office. With pressing two buttons, he minimized the windows, turned around and smiled at the redhead. "No, nothing's wrong. I was just surprised how little some companies pay, that's all." His heart was pounding quickly in his chest and he was praying that Die would believe him. He wasn't supposed to find out, this much he could tell. "But I'm done in a second. There's not much and nothing interesting anyways."
"It'll take a while for the soup still." Die smiled, hesitating for a moment as he would've rather staid with the other man than to go back to kitchen. Finally he turned though. "I'll call you when it's done."
When he was out of sight, Kaoru quickly shut down the computer and stood up. He had quit smoking a long time ago already, but now he was yearning for a cigarette. So it was upon him to give Die his life back, to give him a chance to become a happy, living person. That changed everything. Slowly, he walked into the kitchen, tears stinging in his eyes. "Could I get a kiss?" Although he tried to sound secure, his voice was trembling a bit.
"What's wrong?" Die looked truly worried, and instantly let everything he had been doing be only to pull him into an embrace. "Tell me..." He hadn't missed the other's question though and gently cupped his cheek to initiate a soft kiss.
If only Kaoru could tell him, but this was a decision he had to take on his own. After the kiss broke, he forced a smile on his lips and softly brushed a strand of red hair out of the angel's face. "Nothing's wrong. It's just been a tough day; a tough week." He knew that Die could see he was lying, but there was nothing he could do about it. He wasn't that good as an actor.
Slowly the redhead nodded, not wanting to force the other to tell anything he didn't want to. He forced himself to smile, trying to sound cheery. "There's soup now. I dunno how it tastes but it's warm at least."
Kaoru tried to get a hold of himself, for Die, and took a bowl with him into the living-room although he had lost all appetite. Finally, he had taken a decision, but he only needed a way to explain it the other. He just didn't want to see the hurt expression on his face when he told him he had chosen to go back. But not today, not this evening. Kaoru needed time to say his inner goodbye, to enjoy Die's proximity. After all, it was better to have loved for a short time than to have never fallen in love at all.
Die followed him to the living room, but sat down at the other end of the couch, somehow wanting to give the other man all the time and space he needed. He understood that a decision like that was hard, and he somehow couldn't help but to hope still that Kaoru would choose staying with him instead of going back.
Silently, the black-haired man finished his soup and then put the bowl on the table. "Why are you so far away?" He asked smiling and crawled closer to the angel, pillowing his head on Die's lap. He was determined to enjoy the last moments they had together, and wanted to show the other that he truly loved him and that his decision didn't have anything to do with their relationship. Although, in reality it did. It had been Die who had given him the last kick to decide for going back. The dead Daisuke Andou.
"I thought you wanted to think or something." Die smiled, running his fingers through the other's hair gently. It even frightened him a bit how much he cared for this human being, and he just wanted what would be best for him. If he had only known what that would be.
"Thinking time's over." Kaoru answered quietly and closed his eyes. "Now I just want to be with you." He couldn't say it; was sure that he would never get it over his lips.
"You made the decision?" The redhead asked silently, still concentrating on stroking the other's hair softly. In a way he didn't want to hear it, but on the other hand he knew he needed to.
"I think I did." Kaoru really really didn't want to tell his angel. Suddenly, he sat up and crawled on his lap, burying his face in the crook of his shoulder. He was sure that his reaction was giving a clear picture, but he still didn't want to see the expression on Die's face, didn't want to lose him.
Die had to close his eyes, as he felt tears rising in them. Automatically he wrapped his arms around the human, but didn't say anything, couldn't say anything. So he had lost, he would have to go back to where he had come from with only memories of these weeks together. He knew this was how it was supposed to turn out but he couldn't help to feel bad. It still hurt.
He had no idea that Kaoru's heart was slowly breaking into pieces and that he only did this for him. Still, he knew he couldn't explain it and thus, he lifted his head and looked at the other man from watery eyes. "Please believe me, I love you." There he said those words which meant everything and nothing, which were so used and still the only way to express the feelings inside him.
The angel tried to smile, but as he opened his mouth to speak all that got out was a choked sob. He swallowed hard, trying to get a hold of himself. "I know." His voice still sounded somewhat odd, although he meant what he said. He wanted to say more, to tell the other man he loved him too, but still needed a moment to steady his voice.
Gently, Kaoru cupped his cheeks and stroke them with his thumbs. His plan to enjoy their last moments, to keep the decision away from the angel as long as possible had failed miserably. The expression on Die's face finally tore down his own defences and tears began to run down his cheek and dripped from his chin.
Almost desperately Die just pulled the other man against himself, hugging him tight. He knew they would only have a couple of days left together the maximum, and it seemed to be so little. But at least they had been happy together for a while, and it would last in his memories. He didn't even realize he was speaking, when 'I love you' fell from his lips, coming straight from the bottom of his heart.
Hearing those words only caused more tears to spill from Kaoru's eyes and he desperately clung to the redhead's shirt. He had no idea when they would be forced to part, but frankly, he didn't know anything at all anymore. Not even if his decision had been the right one. "I don't want to forget you." He whispered with a choked voice, his tears soaking the other's shirt.
"Don't worry. Everything will turn out fine." Die had to try to be strong, and he forced himself to speak those words despite his own feelings. Maybe he would be able to track Kaoru down as a human, and even keep an eye on him from a distance, making sure he would become happy once.
"But how can you say that? I'll lose you and it's not even certain that it'll work out. So maybe, I'm risking what we have for nothing." Kaoru shook his head, looked up and kissed the redhead desperately, giving him a taste of his salty tears. "But we do have a bit of time left, don't we?" he asked after they had parted, his voice so quiet that it was almost inaudible.
"I think so." The angel wasn't sure, but he thought that no one was in that much of a hurry, and they would be allowed to at least get their long goodbyes. "Just trust yourself, Kao," He had to go back to the previous topic. "It will work out if you just believe in yourself."
"But I didn't believe in myself back then and I'm not sure if I can do now." Sighing, Kaoru pressed his forehead against Die's. "But I promise I will try my best. I will get this band going and I will help to give those people a better life." After a few moments, he added. "For you."
"I won't ever forget you, I promise." Die held the other a bit tighter, a small smile appearing on his lips. His eyes were still a bit teary, but he blinked to get rid of it.
"I wished I could promise the same." The tears had stopped flowing from Kaoru's eyes, but were still giving them a glossy shimmer. However, he managed to smile, an honest smile. "Who would've guessed that I could ever miss a horny angel molesting me?"
The words made Die laugh slightly, and he shook his head theatrically. "Just admit it, you loved the molesting straight from the beginning."
"I don't know." Kaoru shrugged chuckling. "Maybe I would've liked it if you hadn't been so straight forward." Planting another kiss on the other's lips, he pressed himself closer. "I want you to molest me as often as you can until we have to leave," he whispered.
"I'm sorry," The redhead didn't sound apologizing at all though. "if I traumatized you in the beginning. But at least I got you to screw me eventually."
"Yeah." Kaoru laughed freely. "And that was quite a good experience." He took on a dreamy expression and remembered their first days together. "But you really traumatized me. And I was truly afraid I'd never get laid again, because you'd always be there to hinder me."
"But then you ended up getting laid more than enough." The words were practically purred, as the angel nuzzled his face against the other's neck.
"More often than I thought, yes," Kaoru answered lowly, smirking. "But I'd never say it was enough."
"You always get some when you want it." Die stated surely, planting a row of small kisses along the other's neck and ending the trail to his lips. He almost succeeded in pushing the unwanted thoughts to the background for the moment.
The contact caused Kaoru's heart to beat a bit faster and the pleasant feelings and emotions were overpowering the horrible ones for the time being. Smiling, he tilted his head to deepen the contact as far as possible and only when both of them were seriously out of breath, pulled away again. "Now I'm the horny one?" he asked snickering.
"Yeah. I'm still an innocent angel." Die winked at him, trying to look as innocent as possible, even succeeding somewhat with blinking his huge eyes. "And I'm here, only to serve you."
"I see." The black-haired man leaned back a bit and grinned. "I like the thought of you serving me," he purred, and didn't leave the other's eyes. "So maybe we should see what we can do with this information?"
"As long as you'll stay with me until the time comes." Die smiled softly, bringing his hand up to touch his love's cheek.
"You're not mad at me for leaving you?" Although Die's reaction had made it more than clear, the black-haired man still had to ask. "I want to stay with you as long as I can. And I wished it would be decades."
"I'm not mad." It was the truth, the angel didn't blame the other for any of this. But he was sad, he knew his heart would break when they parted. "You just do what you have to. And I kinda respect you for it."
Again, the water rose in Kaoru's eyes and he quickly averted his gaze. If he went back and Daisuke Andou would never die, then this angel would never exist either and maybe, only maybe, this was his chance. But not now. Now, he had to bite his lip and keep quiet about the fact that everything he did, he truly only did for him. When he thought back, it was the first selfless deed in his life as the angel was the first person he had loved unconditionally. But giving him back life and the opportunity to become happy was a chance he couldn't allow to pass by unused.
Silently Die took a hold of the other's chin, turning his head so that he was able to kiss him deeply. He was determined to make the most of the time they had still, just wanting to spend every possible second together. Kaoru was grateful that the other didn't hate him, although he knew it was hard to be turned down. After the kiss had ended, he initiated a new one right away, just wanting to imprint everything in the redhead into his memory.
Neither of them had an idea how long they just sat there together, sharing long and deep kisses, communicating without words. It was important to them to say goodbyes like this, to take their time and not to be torn apart immediately. And they were enjoying every single second of their togetherness. Since neither of them knew how much time they had left, sleeping wasn't an option. It was vital for Kaoru to feel Die again, to show him that he honestly loved him, show it with his actions and not say it with words.
Everything they did spoke of the honest feelings they had for each other, every single kiss, every touch, every movement of their bodies. And it was clear to both of them that this was real, there was nothing faked in it. They didn't leave the apartment the next day, didn't even get dressed and only parted for short moments where Kaoru needed to visit the bathroom. Other than that, they were clinging to each other desperately.
It was late afternoon when something in the atmosphere changed. Automatically, Kaoru looked up and spotted a figure standing at the end of their bed, an impressive figure with huge white wings. Die had noticed it too, but didn't look up immediately. He simply needed to take a deep breath, to get a grip of himself to face the moment. Finally he turned his head though, nodding slightly at the angel who stood there, knowing he was there to take Kaoru away.
Kaoru meanwhile had pulled the sheets up to cover his naked form and was looking to and fro between Die and the other angel. He understood, but still was shocked to be picked up so early. Gently, he placed his hand on the redhead's arm, leaned in and kissed him ever so tenderly, saying his good-bye.
The redheaded angel cupped his lover's cheek softly, holding him in place and just trying to keep the kiss going for as long as possible. Eventually they had to part though, and instantly Die felt his heart cramp. "Love you. And remember to be strong." He tried to smile encouragingly.
"I love you too. Don't ever forget me." Fighting hard against the tears that were threatening to break free again, Kaoru once more kissed the redheaded angel's lips and then stood up. Wherever he had to go, he surely didn't want to go without clothes. However, throughout all the time, he kept his eyes on his lover, imprinting everything in his memory while his heart was breaking. Die just sat on the bed, his eyes locked on the other man while he was getting dressed. The only thing that kept him from breaking was that he tried to be strong for him.
When Kaoru was done, he went to the other angel and straightened. "Could you give us one minute alone please?" His voice was secure, because he had thought about his words through while getting dressed. Wordlessly, the angel disappeared and Kaoru went to the bed, sitting down next to the redhead. He hugged him tightly and pressed a quick kiss on his lips. "Thank you for stumbling into my life. For everything. And I want you to know something. I do this only for you; for nobody else." His heart still racing, he dug out a small folded sheet of paper from the backpocket of his jeans and handed it to the other man. "Please, only look at it when I'm gone."
Die frowned slightly, as he had no idea what this could be about, but he nodded, taking the paper and turning to look at his lover. "Thank you for sharing this time with me." He smiled, leaning to peck the other's lips. "And I won't forget you. I promise."
They shared one last deep kiss and then the other angel appeared again. He took Kaoru's arm and in the next instant, both of them were gone. Afterwards, Kaoru shouldn't remember anything anymore though, his memory would be deleted.
For a long moment Die simply sat on the bed, on the place where he'd been when the other left, and didn't move an inch. His heart was breaking, and he felt like there was nothing for him anymore now. Finally he remembered the small piece of paper the other had given him, and turned his attention to it, wanting to see what it was.
It was a newspaper article, an article about drunk driving and someone who had died in the accident. And there was a picture... Die's heart almost stopped beating as he saw the picture and heard Kaoru's words in his mind.
'I do this only for you; for nobody else.'
**********
Nervously, Kaoru looked at the small note in his hand and then up at the sign. Yes, this was definitely the right place. This would be the chance of his life and he was determined not to mess it up. He had seen the ad for the casting too late, but had called to see if there still was a chance to get an audition. Daisuke, the rhythm guitarist, had told him to come here to meet him, have a couple of beers and see about another chance to play for them later.
After flipping away the remains of his cigarette and taking a deep breath, he entered the small club. Smokey hot air greeted him along with the familiar sounds of chatting people and loud music. He looked around for a tall guy with long, flaming red hair; which was how the other had described himself. And indeed he didn't have to search long before he spotted a slim figure with a puff of red hear sitting at the counter. "Hey," Kaoru reached out his hand and tapped the other man's shoulder. "Are you Daisuke?"
He was instantly greeted with a wide smile, as the other turned his head to take a look at him. "Yeah, technically, but just call me Die." Instantly he offered a handshake for the slightly shorter man, while scanning his appearance thoroughly. He hadn't met this guy before, that he was sure of, but there was this odd sense of familiarity, a nagging feeling in the back of his head which he couldn't quite place.
Automatically, Kaoru nodded and took the offered hand. The touch caused a warm sensation to spread all over his body and when he looked into the other man's face, he felt his knees go weak just by the sight of that smile. Did he know this guy? He could've sworn they had met before, but no matter how hard he pondered, the remembrance always slipped away again just when he had thought he had gotten a grip on it. After some time, he finally came back to his senses and quickly released Die's hand which he had been holding all along. "Uhm, well," he stuttered, "I'm Kaoru. I called you."
"I kinda figured that much," Die managed to keep his voice casual, despite the inner turmoil and the slight weird feeling he desperately tried to explain to himself. Something in those deep eyes he had just looked at was so familiar, so appealing in a way. To cover his slight nervousness Die smiled again, gesturing at the seat beside him. "Take a seat. We agreed on having a beer, right?"
"Right." The slightly shorter man with the long black hair gave him a wide smile and sat down on the barstool next to him. Instantly, the bartender took his orders and only a second later, slammed a huge beer glass on the counter in front of Kaoru. "Thanks for the meeting," he mentioned, trying to sound casual. "Usually it's not my nature to be late, but I just happened to see your ad a couple of minutes before I called." His gaze was still glued to the redhead's features, his mind racing, going through all the encounters he had had in his life so far in the attempt to find a match.
"It's alright. We didn't really find anything outstanding, so I guess it was your luck then." Die gave a slight chuckle, shifting a bit on his seat to face the other man better, as he somehow couldn't tear his eyes away from him. "Or maybe it was fate?"
For some reason, the last sentence caused heat to shoot to Kaoru's cheeks and he knew that he was blushing. "Well, maybe you'll find out that I've been sent from the heavens up above to save your band?" he joked, but there was something weird in his expression as he had no idea where that had just come from.
"Maybe." The redhead laughed, a carefree and relaxed laughter because he was slowly beginning to adjust to the situation. He still didn't know why this man seemed so familiar, but decided to take it as a natural thing for now. "But first you have to convince me with your playing."
The smile on Kaoru's face widened, became more real and self-confident. "That shouldn't be a problem." He had finally given up on thinking about where they had met before and thus relaxed considerably. There was this feeling of familiarity between them, showing in the way how they were emphasizing their words and how they looked at each other. It really was as if they had known each other forever.
After taking a huge sip from his glass Die gave his companion yet another bright smile, somehow convinced already that this guy would be just what they needed. "Good. Then you'll join our practice tomorrow and we'll see about it." They would be screwed if they didn't find a new guitarist and they had been stressing about it for long now already. Die definitely hoped this man would be as good as he tried to make him believe. But somehow he had the feeling that their search would be over.
The black-haired man nodded. "You bet I'll be there." He had the feeling that he had just found himself much more than a possible bandmate and for some reason, he didn't even consider that the band couldn't approve of him and his skills.
"You'd better be," The other man smirked, resting his cheek on his palm and tilting his head to look at the other with sparkling eyes. "Otherwise I'd have to come and get you."
Kaoru had no idea why he just emptied his glass and slid off the stool, looking at the other man with a smirk, but he had given up wondering about himself some time ago already. All he knew was that he wanted to leave this club together with Die. "Then come and I show you where I live. Just that you know where you have to search for me..."
The redhead's eyes widened a bit in surprise, but he got over it soon and simply emptied his glass as well, before getting on his feet. "Sounds like a plan." He flashed the other a stunning smile, following close behind him.
Author:
seinen_no and fonulynRating: NC17 overall
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: Kaoru is just an ordinary man, leading an ordinary life, until one day he gets an unexpected visitor from above in form of a bouncy angel who is going to turn his life upside down.
Comments:
seinen_no: Hey there! Okay, another fic comes to an end and again I have no idea what to say. Some of you will find their theories confirmed XD I have to admit that re-reading it made me sad at times. Still, I think you enjoy it. And thank you all for your nice comments^^ *big hugs*fonulyn: I really don’t know what else to say than thank you for all being there again^^ I hope you enjoyed the story, although it made a turn from a overly happy and bouncy one to a more angsty and sad fic. And I hope the ending doesn’t disappoint you either!Previously happened: Heaven Sent, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6
Chapter 7
Since it wasn't far away, they walked the distance instead of trying to get a taxi or the train. It gave them time to think, and somehow the day was silent as if it sensed that they were going through hard times. Die led them to an old cemetery, taking a course between the graves in search for something.
"Great!" Kaoru snorted sarcastically. "Now the last one's dead?" He didn't want to believe it and couldn't prevent anger from rising inside him. Whoever had chosen him to save those people's lives indeed had a good sense for drama, saving the best for last.
"At least he's not going to attack you." The redhead shrugged, his attempt to smile failing rather miserably. He stopped in front of a grave, briefly glancing at the name and the dates to make sure it was the right one. "Here. He was supposed to be the other guitarist."
Although there wasn't much to be seen, Kaoru stepped closer to the tomb, crouching down in front of it. It didn't seem like anybody was taking care of the grave, because it was covered with weeds and wild flowers. The name on the tomb said "Andou Daisuke" and for some reason, reading it caused a twitch inside Kaoru's stomach. There was no picture, nothing that gave away why he had died or how he had led his life. But it came clear to Kaoru that he would have to find out as if it was vital for him. Slowly, he stood up and turned around to face the redhead. "How did he die?"
"Drunk-driving." Die stated shortly, turning his gaze down to look at the stone. "He drank too much, lost his job and begun to drink even more. And one day, he wasn't as lucky as before, and steered his car straight into a truck. Needless to say which car lost."
For a few seconds, Kaoru couldn't say anything and just tried to process the words. "He was even younger than me..." He finally breathed out, talking more to himself. He had read about dozens of people who got killed because of drunk driving and usually, he lacked certain compassion, thinking those people just had deserved it for being careless. But why did it bother him now? Probably because this guy was part of the mission and was supposed to play in the band which had never been founded.
"Yeah. He's gone for months now." Die took a look at the dates again, to make sure he was right. Somehow he felt sorry for whoever had been buried there. Although drunk, he could've still led a decent life.
Suddenly, there was a lump in Kaoru's throat and he reached for the other's hand to steady himself. Somehow, it became harder and harder to stick to his decision not to give the band a try. Wouldn't it be a sin if he stuck to his life for pure selfish reasons?
The redhead guessed what was going through the other's mind, and he couldn't bring himself to be happy about it, although his mission seemed to be close to success. "You want to go home? Or stay here for a moment?" He spoke silently, still staring at the tombstone.
Reluctantly, Kaoru averted his gaze from the grave and turned it to the angel. "I think I want to go home now. I need to search the net for a new job." Of course this was just a pretence, but he needed time to think, time where Die wouldn't be so close to him and bereave him of the capability to get an objective view on the things. With a faint smile, he added. "There's nothing we can do for the poor bastard now anyways."
The redhead nodded, not turning to look at the other though. "Let's get back to the train station then." Somehow he had the feeling deep down inside that Kaoru would go back, that he would try to make things right for these four people he was able to help.
The mood was depressed and neither of them spoke a word throughout the whole ride. Kaoru's thoughts were racing and he began to ask himself if he could ever take a look into the mirror again when he decided not to go back. On the other hand, it wasn't sure that it would change anything, that he would be able to help those guys. And he would forget everything about Die, would have never known him. Who would throw away love for a few strangers? He? The answer was a faint 'maybe'.
As they got back to the apartment they shared, Die forced the melancholy away for a few moments, turning to give the other a small smile. "Want something to eat or drink? I can get something for you."
"That'd be nice." The answer went along with a similar smile and he received a short peck on the lips. "Just let me search the net quickly, then I eat something and then I think about how you can make the rest of the day as comfortable as possible for me."
"Okay. Tell me if you need anything." The angel nodded, the forced smile stuck on his face. Slowly he turned around, heading to the kitchen to see if there was something to eat for the other man.
Right after he was gone, Kaoru switched on his computer and opened the internet. He didn't waste a single second on searching for a job, but instead googled the name "Andou Daisuke" and the words "alcohol", "truck" and "accident". It didn't take long and he found an article of a local newspaper which had reported about the accident. It didn't say much about the person's life, but there was a small picture.
Kaoru yelped and his heart stopped beating when he saw it. Daisuke Andou was his Die; his angel. The very person who was just a couple of metres away in the kitchen and prepared some food for him. The realization struck where it hurt and Kaoru felt a lump in his throat. This was just so unfair!
Die had heard the small yelp which had slipped the human, and somehow it worried him instantly. He had been heating some soup for Kaoru, but now let it be, thinking it'd survive on its own for a few seconds. When he stood in the doorframe, he raised his voice so the other was able to hear him. "Something wrong?"
For once Kaoru was glad that he had been working in an office. With pressing two buttons, he minimized the windows, turned around and smiled at the redhead. "No, nothing's wrong. I was just surprised how little some companies pay, that's all." His heart was pounding quickly in his chest and he was praying that Die would believe him. He wasn't supposed to find out, this much he could tell. "But I'm done in a second. There's not much and nothing interesting anyways."
"It'll take a while for the soup still." Die smiled, hesitating for a moment as he would've rather staid with the other man than to go back to kitchen. Finally he turned though. "I'll call you when it's done."
When he was out of sight, Kaoru quickly shut down the computer and stood up. He had quit smoking a long time ago already, but now he was yearning for a cigarette. So it was upon him to give Die his life back, to give him a chance to become a happy, living person. That changed everything. Slowly, he walked into the kitchen, tears stinging in his eyes. "Could I get a kiss?" Although he tried to sound secure, his voice was trembling a bit.
"What's wrong?" Die looked truly worried, and instantly let everything he had been doing be only to pull him into an embrace. "Tell me..." He hadn't missed the other's question though and gently cupped his cheek to initiate a soft kiss.
If only Kaoru could tell him, but this was a decision he had to take on his own. After the kiss broke, he forced a smile on his lips and softly brushed a strand of red hair out of the angel's face. "Nothing's wrong. It's just been a tough day; a tough week." He knew that Die could see he was lying, but there was nothing he could do about it. He wasn't that good as an actor.
Slowly the redhead nodded, not wanting to force the other to tell anything he didn't want to. He forced himself to smile, trying to sound cheery. "There's soup now. I dunno how it tastes but it's warm at least."
Kaoru tried to get a hold of himself, for Die, and took a bowl with him into the living-room although he had lost all appetite. Finally, he had taken a decision, but he only needed a way to explain it the other. He just didn't want to see the hurt expression on his face when he told him he had chosen to go back. But not today, not this evening. Kaoru needed time to say his inner goodbye, to enjoy Die's proximity. After all, it was better to have loved for a short time than to have never fallen in love at all.
Die followed him to the living room, but sat down at the other end of the couch, somehow wanting to give the other man all the time and space he needed. He understood that a decision like that was hard, and he somehow couldn't help but to hope still that Kaoru would choose staying with him instead of going back.
Silently, the black-haired man finished his soup and then put the bowl on the table. "Why are you so far away?" He asked smiling and crawled closer to the angel, pillowing his head on Die's lap. He was determined to enjoy the last moments they had together, and wanted to show the other that he truly loved him and that his decision didn't have anything to do with their relationship. Although, in reality it did. It had been Die who had given him the last kick to decide for going back. The dead Daisuke Andou.
"I thought you wanted to think or something." Die smiled, running his fingers through the other's hair gently. It even frightened him a bit how much he cared for this human being, and he just wanted what would be best for him. If he had only known what that would be.
"Thinking time's over." Kaoru answered quietly and closed his eyes. "Now I just want to be with you." He couldn't say it; was sure that he would never get it over his lips.
"You made the decision?" The redhead asked silently, still concentrating on stroking the other's hair softly. In a way he didn't want to hear it, but on the other hand he knew he needed to.
"I think I did." Kaoru really really didn't want to tell his angel. Suddenly, he sat up and crawled on his lap, burying his face in the crook of his shoulder. He was sure that his reaction was giving a clear picture, but he still didn't want to see the expression on Die's face, didn't want to lose him.
Die had to close his eyes, as he felt tears rising in them. Automatically he wrapped his arms around the human, but didn't say anything, couldn't say anything. So he had lost, he would have to go back to where he had come from with only memories of these weeks together. He knew this was how it was supposed to turn out but he couldn't help to feel bad. It still hurt.
He had no idea that Kaoru's heart was slowly breaking into pieces and that he only did this for him. Still, he knew he couldn't explain it and thus, he lifted his head and looked at the other man from watery eyes. "Please believe me, I love you." There he said those words which meant everything and nothing, which were so used and still the only way to express the feelings inside him.
The angel tried to smile, but as he opened his mouth to speak all that got out was a choked sob. He swallowed hard, trying to get a hold of himself. "I know." His voice still sounded somewhat odd, although he meant what he said. He wanted to say more, to tell the other man he loved him too, but still needed a moment to steady his voice.
Gently, Kaoru cupped his cheeks and stroke them with his thumbs. His plan to enjoy their last moments, to keep the decision away from the angel as long as possible had failed miserably. The expression on Die's face finally tore down his own defences and tears began to run down his cheek and dripped from his chin.
Almost desperately Die just pulled the other man against himself, hugging him tight. He knew they would only have a couple of days left together the maximum, and it seemed to be so little. But at least they had been happy together for a while, and it would last in his memories. He didn't even realize he was speaking, when 'I love you' fell from his lips, coming straight from the bottom of his heart.
Hearing those words only caused more tears to spill from Kaoru's eyes and he desperately clung to the redhead's shirt. He had no idea when they would be forced to part, but frankly, he didn't know anything at all anymore. Not even if his decision had been the right one. "I don't want to forget you." He whispered with a choked voice, his tears soaking the other's shirt.
"Don't worry. Everything will turn out fine." Die had to try to be strong, and he forced himself to speak those words despite his own feelings. Maybe he would be able to track Kaoru down as a human, and even keep an eye on him from a distance, making sure he would become happy once.
"But how can you say that? I'll lose you and it's not even certain that it'll work out. So maybe, I'm risking what we have for nothing." Kaoru shook his head, looked up and kissed the redhead desperately, giving him a taste of his salty tears. "But we do have a bit of time left, don't we?" he asked after they had parted, his voice so quiet that it was almost inaudible.
"I think so." The angel wasn't sure, but he thought that no one was in that much of a hurry, and they would be allowed to at least get their long goodbyes. "Just trust yourself, Kao," He had to go back to the previous topic. "It will work out if you just believe in yourself."
"But I didn't believe in myself back then and I'm not sure if I can do now." Sighing, Kaoru pressed his forehead against Die's. "But I promise I will try my best. I will get this band going and I will help to give those people a better life." After a few moments, he added. "For you."
"I won't ever forget you, I promise." Die held the other a bit tighter, a small smile appearing on his lips. His eyes were still a bit teary, but he blinked to get rid of it.
"I wished I could promise the same." The tears had stopped flowing from Kaoru's eyes, but were still giving them a glossy shimmer. However, he managed to smile, an honest smile. "Who would've guessed that I could ever miss a horny angel molesting me?"
The words made Die laugh slightly, and he shook his head theatrically. "Just admit it, you loved the molesting straight from the beginning."
"I don't know." Kaoru shrugged chuckling. "Maybe I would've liked it if you hadn't been so straight forward." Planting another kiss on the other's lips, he pressed himself closer. "I want you to molest me as often as you can until we have to leave," he whispered.
"I'm sorry," The redhead didn't sound apologizing at all though. "if I traumatized you in the beginning. But at least I got you to screw me eventually."
"Yeah." Kaoru laughed freely. "And that was quite a good experience." He took on a dreamy expression and remembered their first days together. "But you really traumatized me. And I was truly afraid I'd never get laid again, because you'd always be there to hinder me."
"But then you ended up getting laid more than enough." The words were practically purred, as the angel nuzzled his face against the other's neck.
"More often than I thought, yes," Kaoru answered lowly, smirking. "But I'd never say it was enough."
"You always get some when you want it." Die stated surely, planting a row of small kisses along the other's neck and ending the trail to his lips. He almost succeeded in pushing the unwanted thoughts to the background for the moment.
The contact caused Kaoru's heart to beat a bit faster and the pleasant feelings and emotions were overpowering the horrible ones for the time being. Smiling, he tilted his head to deepen the contact as far as possible and only when both of them were seriously out of breath, pulled away again. "Now I'm the horny one?" he asked snickering.
"Yeah. I'm still an innocent angel." Die winked at him, trying to look as innocent as possible, even succeeding somewhat with blinking his huge eyes. "And I'm here, only to serve you."
"I see." The black-haired man leaned back a bit and grinned. "I like the thought of you serving me," he purred, and didn't leave the other's eyes. "So maybe we should see what we can do with this information?"
"As long as you'll stay with me until the time comes." Die smiled softly, bringing his hand up to touch his love's cheek.
"You're not mad at me for leaving you?" Although Die's reaction had made it more than clear, the black-haired man still had to ask. "I want to stay with you as long as I can. And I wished it would be decades."
"I'm not mad." It was the truth, the angel didn't blame the other for any of this. But he was sad, he knew his heart would break when they parted. "You just do what you have to. And I kinda respect you for it."
Again, the water rose in Kaoru's eyes and he quickly averted his gaze. If he went back and Daisuke Andou would never die, then this angel would never exist either and maybe, only maybe, this was his chance. But not now. Now, he had to bite his lip and keep quiet about the fact that everything he did, he truly only did for him. When he thought back, it was the first selfless deed in his life as the angel was the first person he had loved unconditionally. But giving him back life and the opportunity to become happy was a chance he couldn't allow to pass by unused.
Silently Die took a hold of the other's chin, turning his head so that he was able to kiss him deeply. He was determined to make the most of the time they had still, just wanting to spend every possible second together. Kaoru was grateful that the other didn't hate him, although he knew it was hard to be turned down. After the kiss had ended, he initiated a new one right away, just wanting to imprint everything in the redhead into his memory.
Neither of them had an idea how long they just sat there together, sharing long and deep kisses, communicating without words. It was important to them to say goodbyes like this, to take their time and not to be torn apart immediately. And they were enjoying every single second of their togetherness. Since neither of them knew how much time they had left, sleeping wasn't an option. It was vital for Kaoru to feel Die again, to show him that he honestly loved him, show it with his actions and not say it with words.
Everything they did spoke of the honest feelings they had for each other, every single kiss, every touch, every movement of their bodies. And it was clear to both of them that this was real, there was nothing faked in it. They didn't leave the apartment the next day, didn't even get dressed and only parted for short moments where Kaoru needed to visit the bathroom. Other than that, they were clinging to each other desperately.
It was late afternoon when something in the atmosphere changed. Automatically, Kaoru looked up and spotted a figure standing at the end of their bed, an impressive figure with huge white wings. Die had noticed it too, but didn't look up immediately. He simply needed to take a deep breath, to get a grip of himself to face the moment. Finally he turned his head though, nodding slightly at the angel who stood there, knowing he was there to take Kaoru away.
Kaoru meanwhile had pulled the sheets up to cover his naked form and was looking to and fro between Die and the other angel. He understood, but still was shocked to be picked up so early. Gently, he placed his hand on the redhead's arm, leaned in and kissed him ever so tenderly, saying his good-bye.
The redheaded angel cupped his lover's cheek softly, holding him in place and just trying to keep the kiss going for as long as possible. Eventually they had to part though, and instantly Die felt his heart cramp. "Love you. And remember to be strong." He tried to smile encouragingly.
"I love you too. Don't ever forget me." Fighting hard against the tears that were threatening to break free again, Kaoru once more kissed the redheaded angel's lips and then stood up. Wherever he had to go, he surely didn't want to go without clothes. However, throughout all the time, he kept his eyes on his lover, imprinting everything in his memory while his heart was breaking. Die just sat on the bed, his eyes locked on the other man while he was getting dressed. The only thing that kept him from breaking was that he tried to be strong for him.
When Kaoru was done, he went to the other angel and straightened. "Could you give us one minute alone please?" His voice was secure, because he had thought about his words through while getting dressed. Wordlessly, the angel disappeared and Kaoru went to the bed, sitting down next to the redhead. He hugged him tightly and pressed a quick kiss on his lips. "Thank you for stumbling into my life. For everything. And I want you to know something. I do this only for you; for nobody else." His heart still racing, he dug out a small folded sheet of paper from the backpocket of his jeans and handed it to the other man. "Please, only look at it when I'm gone."
Die frowned slightly, as he had no idea what this could be about, but he nodded, taking the paper and turning to look at his lover. "Thank you for sharing this time with me." He smiled, leaning to peck the other's lips. "And I won't forget you. I promise."
They shared one last deep kiss and then the other angel appeared again. He took Kaoru's arm and in the next instant, both of them were gone. Afterwards, Kaoru shouldn't remember anything anymore though, his memory would be deleted.
For a long moment Die simply sat on the bed, on the place where he'd been when the other left, and didn't move an inch. His heart was breaking, and he felt like there was nothing for him anymore now. Finally he remembered the small piece of paper the other had given him, and turned his attention to it, wanting to see what it was.
It was a newspaper article, an article about drunk driving and someone who had died in the accident. And there was a picture... Die's heart almost stopped beating as he saw the picture and heard Kaoru's words in his mind.
'I do this only for you; for nobody else.'
Nervously, Kaoru looked at the small note in his hand and then up at the sign. Yes, this was definitely the right place. This would be the chance of his life and he was determined not to mess it up. He had seen the ad for the casting too late, but had called to see if there still was a chance to get an audition. Daisuke, the rhythm guitarist, had told him to come here to meet him, have a couple of beers and see about another chance to play for them later.
After flipping away the remains of his cigarette and taking a deep breath, he entered the small club. Smokey hot air greeted him along with the familiar sounds of chatting people and loud music. He looked around for a tall guy with long, flaming red hair; which was how the other had described himself. And indeed he didn't have to search long before he spotted a slim figure with a puff of red hear sitting at the counter. "Hey," Kaoru reached out his hand and tapped the other man's shoulder. "Are you Daisuke?"
He was instantly greeted with a wide smile, as the other turned his head to take a look at him. "Yeah, technically, but just call me Die." Instantly he offered a handshake for the slightly shorter man, while scanning his appearance thoroughly. He hadn't met this guy before, that he was sure of, but there was this odd sense of familiarity, a nagging feeling in the back of his head which he couldn't quite place.
Automatically, Kaoru nodded and took the offered hand. The touch caused a warm sensation to spread all over his body and when he looked into the other man's face, he felt his knees go weak just by the sight of that smile. Did he know this guy? He could've sworn they had met before, but no matter how hard he pondered, the remembrance always slipped away again just when he had thought he had gotten a grip on it. After some time, he finally came back to his senses and quickly released Die's hand which he had been holding all along. "Uhm, well," he stuttered, "I'm Kaoru. I called you."
"I kinda figured that much," Die managed to keep his voice casual, despite the inner turmoil and the slight weird feeling he desperately tried to explain to himself. Something in those deep eyes he had just looked at was so familiar, so appealing in a way. To cover his slight nervousness Die smiled again, gesturing at the seat beside him. "Take a seat. We agreed on having a beer, right?"
"Right." The slightly shorter man with the long black hair gave him a wide smile and sat down on the barstool next to him. Instantly, the bartender took his orders and only a second later, slammed a huge beer glass on the counter in front of Kaoru. "Thanks for the meeting," he mentioned, trying to sound casual. "Usually it's not my nature to be late, but I just happened to see your ad a couple of minutes before I called." His gaze was still glued to the redhead's features, his mind racing, going through all the encounters he had had in his life so far in the attempt to find a match.
"It's alright. We didn't really find anything outstanding, so I guess it was your luck then." Die gave a slight chuckle, shifting a bit on his seat to face the other man better, as he somehow couldn't tear his eyes away from him. "Or maybe it was fate?"
For some reason, the last sentence caused heat to shoot to Kaoru's cheeks and he knew that he was blushing. "Well, maybe you'll find out that I've been sent from the heavens up above to save your band?" he joked, but there was something weird in his expression as he had no idea where that had just come from.
"Maybe." The redhead laughed, a carefree and relaxed laughter because he was slowly beginning to adjust to the situation. He still didn't know why this man seemed so familiar, but decided to take it as a natural thing for now. "But first you have to convince me with your playing."
The smile on Kaoru's face widened, became more real and self-confident. "That shouldn't be a problem." He had finally given up on thinking about where they had met before and thus relaxed considerably. There was this feeling of familiarity between them, showing in the way how they were emphasizing their words and how they looked at each other. It really was as if they had known each other forever.
After taking a huge sip from his glass Die gave his companion yet another bright smile, somehow convinced already that this guy would be just what they needed. "Good. Then you'll join our practice tomorrow and we'll see about it." They would be screwed if they didn't find a new guitarist and they had been stressing about it for long now already. Die definitely hoped this man would be as good as he tried to make him believe. But somehow he had the feeling that their search would be over.
The black-haired man nodded. "You bet I'll be there." He had the feeling that he had just found himself much more than a possible bandmate and for some reason, he didn't even consider that the band couldn't approve of him and his skills.
"You'd better be," The other man smirked, resting his cheek on his palm and tilting his head to look at the other with sparkling eyes. "Otherwise I'd have to come and get you."
Kaoru had no idea why he just emptied his glass and slid off the stool, looking at the other man with a smirk, but he had given up wondering about himself some time ago already. All he knew was that he wanted to leave this club together with Die. "Then come and I show you where I live. Just that you know where you have to search for me..."
The redhead's eyes widened a bit in surprise, but he got over it soon and simply emptied his glass as well, before getting on his feet. "Sounds like a plan." He flashed the other a stunning smile, following close behind him.
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This made me laugh, made me hot and made me want to cry. Everything I look for in a yaoi fic. ^^
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Thanks for ANOTHER great fic.
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XD when die mentioned having to visit the vocalist and other guitarist, i just knew where kyo'd end up XD;;