rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-07-28 09:54 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2007-07-28 09:54 pm
(no subject)
Title: Spread Your Wings; Chapter 10: True Love Can Let Go
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seinen_no and fonulyn
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: Die and Toshiya are unemployed and penniless, even sharing a crappy apartment as best friends although they can barely even afford that one either. Across the street there's a luxurious whore-house, and the two have the brilliant idea that they'll try to get inside information about how things are in there to be able to write a book about it, to cure all their financial problems. Everything doesn't go as planned though, and Die is fascinated by one of the prostitutes like a moth by a flame.
Comments:
fonulyn: Aw, this is now the time to let go. It has been a pleasure, and I want to thank you all for following with us until the end^^ And I hope that you like the last chapter too, as it now will take the story into its end. Gah, I can’t say anything else so I won’t spoil it for you XD
And we already have new stories almost written, so keep tuned! Soon we will brick you with a new plotline and hope that you’ll find it interesting^^ Thanks once again! *biiig hugs*
seinen_no: Oh my, I think this chap has it all, squeezed into 7 ½ pages^^ The beginning really really always makes me swallow hard and sometimes even cry. I know that we kinda left out many things in between, but they are not necessary for the story itself as we think and I believe we hadn't been in the mood to write it x)
Thank you all for reading and for always commenting. It's always so nice to hear your thoughts about the story, to hear how you think it will go on and so… *big hugs to you all*
Now there's nothing left for me than to say "That's all folks". But I think I am allowed to promise that we have the next thing ready to post soon^^
And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Previously happened: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 , Part 8, Part 9
Spread Your Wings
Chapter 10: True Love Can Let Go
Ignoring everything he might've had to do, Die went straight to his room, burying himself under the blanket. He had never thought he would be the one to get upset easily, could take a lot when it came down to it, but this had been too much. He cried, bitter tears running down his cheeks.
When he staid away from lunch, Toshiya got worried and went to check on him. Maybe his friend was hurt more badly than they had thought. "Die?" the black-haired man asked softly when he spotted the other on his bed. "Everything alright?"
"Leave me alone." The redhead only buried his face in the pillow, a choked sob wrecking his form. He was ashamed of the tears, of breaking down like that, but he couldn't help it.
Iffy about what to do, Toshiya remained standing where he was, biting his lip. Something bad must have happened, but he didn't dare to ask his friend, didn't want to force him to talk about it this time as he sensed it must have been something serious. All he knew was that it worried him, because he had never seen Die so down. "Don't you want to come and eat a bit with us?"
"No!" The only word Die said was almost drowned into the pillow, as he seemed to be trying to choke himself.
"You sure you want to be alone?"
"Yeah." He just didn't feel like he could face anyone right now.
Without saying another word, Toshiya turned around and closed the door quietly. He had no idea what exactly had happened, but knew that it surely had something to do with Kaoru. Still, he didn't want to interfere, at least not until he knew the reason why Die was crying.
Die didn't calm down in a long time, but when the tears finally subsided he felt empty, as if there was nothing left in the world for him anymore. Slowly determination was rising in him though, since he didn't want everything he had gone through to go to waste.
Wordlessly, he dug out the notes and papers they had stored under his bed. After finding a pen, he began to write, to just pour it all out on paper, not stopping for a minute even when his arm was cramping.
He was still at it when his flatmates returned from their shifts. After Toshiya had told the others about Die's condition, they had agreed that he should try to talk to him again. So he knocked on the door to his friend's room, but stepped inside without waiting for an answer. "I just wanted to see if you're okay," he apologized with an insecure smile.
"I'm fine," came the automatic reply without Die even slowing down, the words flowing straight from his soul onto the white paper.
"May I see what you're writing?" Carefully, Toshiya crawled on the bed and lay down on his stomach, trying to sneak a peek at the small book. He caught a few words, and the puzzle in his head slowly formed to a picture.
"Sure." Die handed him a small booklet that was already filled with his handwriting, going on pouring the words out into another notebook.
Wordlessly, the other man began to read for a long time before he tilted his head to look at him again. "Die, this is amazing. It's brilliant and just what we need." Only then, Toshiya's brains had processed the meaning of what he had just read. "I'm sorry," he whispered, compassionately wrapping one arm around his friend. "I really am."
Die had just written down his story, how they had begun to work in the brothel, how he had met Kaoru and fallen in love with him until the moment the other man had broken his heart. A heartwrenching true and sad story, if one asked Toshiya and certainly worth publishing.
"You don't have to be." Die smiled slightly, considerably calmer now that he had got it all out. It had somehow sorted things for himself while getting his thoughts on paper. He looked his friend in the eye, leaning a bit into the embrace. "So I guess our work here is done..."
The black-haired man looked both, surprised and pleased. "So we get this into a proper shape and go to find somebody who publishes it? Become filthy rich?" Somehow he just couldn't believe that Die had closed this chapter, that he was willing to just leave everything behind.
"Yup." Die nodded. "Become filthy rich."
"I feel a bit bad, you know," Toshiya said, finally allowing a smile to form on his lips. "I mean, I really do like Shin and Kyo and it'll be hard to keep in touch when we don't work here anymore. But maybe we can see once or twice a month on their free days."
"Yeah, it would be nice to see them," the redhead admitted, honestly meaning it. "But we can get their phone numbers and keep in touch. It's been nice working here with them after all." He didn't mention Kaoru with a single word and it was somehow like he just refused to acknowledge that he even existed.
That fact didn't pass by Toshiya unnoticed, but he remained silent about this. He knew that Die still loved the purple-haired whore and was certain he wouldn't just let go of it this easily. But he was glad that his friend seemed to have come to his senses and that they could now only focus on working on the book. After all, this had been the reason why they had applied for the job in the first place. "Yeah, let's tell them now and tomorrow we quit." They would have to finish the week there and give the boss time to find suitable substitutes, but that was a piece of cake for them.
Die nodded silently, offering his friend a small smile. "Could you get them here? I would prefer not moving too much." He was still sore and wanted to take it easy now that he was lying down anyways.
Toshiya didn't have anything against it though, and quickly got up to summon their friends so that they could have a talk together. Kyo and Shinya couldn't deny that they were sad to lose such good friends, but they had plans for their lives as well, wanted to open a bar together once they had earned enough money. They were talking the whole night through, envisioning their future and promising each other to remain friends, no matter what life might throw at them.
Like predicted, Toshiya and Die had to finish the week, but it went by in no time. The evening before their last day in the brothel, Kyo and Die were taking one of their usual cigarette breaks outside in the yard. Just when they were done and Die already had his hand on the handle, Kyo addressed him, whispering. "If I were you, I would take a good look at the big book in the boss' drawer," he advised and added. "Too bad that it's locked." With having said that, he walked past the redhead and dropped something, a small silver key.
Curious as he was, Die took the key after making sure no one was watching. A bit later, when he knew that no one would be at the boss' office, he went in and followed his friend's instructions.
What he saw made his eyes widen in surprise. Apparently the boss was cheating with the taxes big time. Even Die realized it although he was no expert in those things.
After making his way out of the room, he went to find Toshiya straight, telling him everything about what he had found out.
"So what?" The black-haired man asked, shrugging his shoulders. "It's none of our business and we're out of here tomorrow afternoon anyways. To be honest," he looked at his friend a bit amused, "I never thought he'd pay his taxes properly."
Die just shrugged, not saying anything further. To him this was an opportunity though. He was still determined to gain enough money and buy Kaoru free one day, no matter what, and this would give him some arguments while talking to the boss.
So they went to bed and worked the next day as if nothing had happened. Only when they were about to leave, Kaoru appeared in the hall and approached them. Of course he knew that Die would leave and although it hurt him, practically tore his heart into bits and pieces, he couldn't let him go without seeing him once again. He just wanted to close this chapter of his life, wanted to lock up the good memories and store them somewhere deep inside his soul, to be able to continue with what he had been doing all his life.
He felt ancient, and knew that from that day on, nothing would be the same anymore. Fighting for control, he stretched out his hand, the handshake only a pretence to touch the redhead one final time before they would part forever. "I just wanted to wish you luck for the future and thank you for your good services. It's a loss for all of us that you go."
Die bit the insides of his cheeks, fighting to keep up his coolness. "Good luck to you too. And you don't need to thank me for anything. I was just doing my job." He was staring the other straight in the eye though, trying to find even the tiniest hint of affection there. But it was in vain. A barely audible sigh escaped him as he averted his gaze to their still joined hands.
The touch caused everything to boil up inside Kaoru again and he closed his eyes only for a split second longer than to blink. He didn't want to just turn around, wanted to watch Die leave and imprint every single detail about him into his memory although he was going through physical and emotional pain.
"Still, thanks." With having said that, he withdrew his hand and gave it to Toshiya who startled a bit, but shook it, smiling at the other.
"So, I guess we'd better get going..." Die didn't look at Kaoru anymore, afraid that he would just break down and beg him to show some kind of emotion.
Slowly he turned, trying to gain control over himself when he walked away, away from the only person he had ever loved, away from the one he could never get.
Kaoru remained glued to the ground and watched him retreat, watched Toshiya wrap his arm around his shoulders in a friendly manner. He had to close his eyes, weakly stumbling backwards and leaning against the wall. A few stray tears already overcame the barrier and ran down his cheeks, no matter how hard he tried to suppress them, and he slid to the ground, burying his face in his knees.
Something made Toshiya turn his head and when he saw the purple-haired man, he knew that everything had just been a show. Kaoru loved Die as much as the other way around and that had been the reason for his actions. However, the door closed and concealed Kaoru from his sight and Toshiya just walked on with his friend, hopefully into a better future than they had had when they had come to this place.
***
They didn't do much else but to work on the book during the next few weeks. They were a good team, correcting each other's mistakes and always finding the best way to say things. It was hard though, especially since it tore Die's wounds open again, making him live through all the highs and lows, from the fleeting happy moments to the pain he never wanted to experience again.
Eventually, they were done and the book was ready to be offered to a publisher. A bit to their own surprise, it was accepted almost instantly, gaining praises from people who had read it. They had ended the book at the moment when they had left the brothel, leaving the end open.
***
Afterwards, Die seemed empty, as if all happyness had left him although he tried hard not to show it. But the shallow expression of his eyes and the artificial smile he took on from time to time as if to convince himself that everything was alright, didn't pass by Toshiya unnoticed.
They had shared the money they had gotten for the rights on the book, and were still living in one apartment together. But they had moved to a slightly better place, still a cheap one, but better and not in the direct neighborhood of the brothel.
One day, Toshiya came home from buying some groceries and he wordlessly put a check on the table in front of the redhead.
"What's this?" Die looked up, honestly surprised and gazed inquiringly at his friend who was storing the foods away into the fridge.
"Money." The answer came as if it was the most natural thing to give his friend a fortune.
"But what do you think you're doing with it? I already got my share." Die still didn't get what the other was up to.
"Go and buy your love free." Toshiya turned his head to smile at his friend. "I want to see you happy again."
"Tosh..." Slowly Die got up from his seat, his eyes wide in surprise. "I can't take your money..." He had counted the money he owned dozens of times, making calculations in his head and going through every possible solution, but in the end he still didn't have enough money to buy Kaoru free. As painful as it was, he simply didn't have the needed amount. Together with Toshiya's money, he would be able to do it, but still he hesitated. He didn't want to mess up his friend's life along with his own.
"You can. I don't want it. The book's mostly your work anyways. It's your story. You can pay me back in small bits once." Finally, the black-haired man turned around completely, leaning his back against the fridge. "That's what friends do, right? Go and do what you have to. With the success of the book, it's going to be easy to sell our next story too."
Wordlessly, Die stepped forward, hugging his friend tight. He couldn't help that a few tears escaped his eyes, because he was just enormously grateful. "Thank you," he managed to whisper after a moment. "And I'll pay you back, I swear. Every bit of it."
"It's okay." Toshiya smiled, hugging him back as tightly. "Just please don't get yourself into troubles with the boss. Be careful. I am sure he can be quite dangerous and if you're dead, you're worth nothing either for me or Kao."
"I'll be careful. I promise." The redhead smiled, a sparkle back somewhere deep in his eyes.
He didn't waste time and went back to the brothel the same day, intending on completing his mission. He made sure his friends didn't see him though, not wanting to answer their questions right at that moment.
Toshiya was deeply worried and nervously waited for his return. However, when Die came back, he said that the boss had accepted the money after he had dropped a hint about the books.
They hadn't been dumb of course and had copied parts as evidence and told the boss Die had stored it somewhere safely. In case anything happened to Kaoru, Toshiya or him, the police would be informed automatically, just as a precaution to keep them safe. Die hadn't dared to try and get Kaoru free without paying anything, knowing that then the boss might've been too angry and would probably have taken the effort to get rid of them somehow.
***
Although Die's mood had brightened considerably afterwards, there still was something wrong and after a few days had passed, Toshiya asked him frankly. "Why the fuck don't you go and meet him? He's out there somewhere and you didn't even talk to him."
Indeed, Kaoru was out there somewhere all alone. Although nobody had told him who had paid this much money to buy him free, he had a pretty good guess, but then, nobody had come to pick him up. He felt like a prisoner who got out, but there was no Die anywhere, no puff of red hair, no smile.
It made Kaoru angry even. Where was he supposed to go? He only had little money, no friends and no place to stay. He had practically lost everything. With the bit of money he had, he rented a furnished room in the cheapest area of the city and managed to get a job in a bar after some time. Still, there was no Die. He would have wanted to see him so badly, wanted to tell him that he had said those harsh words only to keep him safe, that he had been afraid to raise false hopes. But he didn't even know where Die was living, didn't know anything.
Die had thought this through in his mind over and over again and he was convinced that this was what he had to do. He wanted Kaoru's love, wanted to see him so badly, to just hold him, to finally get a bit of the happiness he had given up on already, but he couldn't.
"I just don't think I could handle it." Die smiled slightly as Toshiya had asked him about it once again, refusing to meet his gaze with his own. "I... well, I just can't stand the thought that he'd be with me out of mere gratefulness. So I'll rather step aside and let him build his life as he wants to." It was killing him inside slowly to do this, but he saw no other option. At least, Kaoru was free, didn't have to work in that place anymore.
"You're a stupid moron, Daisuke Andou!" Toshiya was angry his friend didn't even want to give it a shot and see what exactly Kaoru felt for him. He had seen it, had seen him cry when Die had left, but even though he now told the redhead about it, Die refused to fully believe him.
Days were passing, became weeks and no matter how often Toshiya addressed the topic, swore that he had seen what he had seen, his friend was too afraid to believe him, couldn't bear the thought Kaoru might only want to show his gratefulness if they started a relationship.
So Toshiya made up his mind to talk to Kaoru himself. But first, he had to go and find out where he lived. Luckily, they indeed were still in touch with Kyo and Shinya and the small blonde knew about Kaoru's residence. In lack of other friends, the purple-haired man had called him several times, glad to even have somebody to talk to.
***
The doorbell rang and Toshiya jumped up from his seat. "I'll get it." He didn't really expect anybody, but when he opened the door and found Kaoru standing behind it, he wasn't surprised at all. They had talked only yesterday and Kaoru had done everything to get a day off to come there.
Wordlessly, Toshiya stepped aside and let him in. "Die, a visitor for you." With having said that, he put on his shoes, grabbed his jacket and left the apartment without saying anything further.
"I'm coming." The redhead's voice sounded from the small living room, as he heaved himself up from the couch and turned the TV off before getting to the door.
"So, what's...?" He stopped suddenly, his eyes widening when he saw who was standing right in front of him. His heart practically stopped beating, and he didn't know what to say, how to react.
"Hi." Kaoru's voice was faint and he shifted his weight from one foot to the other insecurely. "I just-" He stopped, not really knowing what to say. "Thank you."
Die smiled automatically, trying to somehow gain control over his racing emotions. "You don't need to thank me." He cleared his throat nervously. "Want some tea or something?"
"No." The purple-haired man shook his head quickly, but remained glued to the ground, just looking at the redhead. Why was this so hard? Why couldn't he just tell Die what he felt and everything would turn out fine? "I just came to say how grateful I am about what you did for me. But I don't want to be together with somebody out of gratefulness."
"Yeah, I figured so." Die nodded, bit his lip slightly and averted his gaze. It hurt, despite that he had known it already. "That's why I kept away from you... I didn't want you to think I wanted to use you."
There was a small smile on Kaoru's lips and he tilted his head a bit, trying to sneak a peek at the other man. "BUT," he said firmly, "I want to be with the one I love. For some reason though, he thinks I don't love him and he just left me alone, delivered me from hell to freezing solitude."
The redhead looked up, totally surprised. "But you... you said you didn't want me in your life," he stuttered, not believing that this was happening. And he didn't dare to believe yet that all his hopes were about to come true.
"Idiot." Kaoru put his index-finger on Die's forehead and gave him a gentle shove. He became considerably more serious though when he went on. "I was afraid. I've never been in love, and technically, we had no future. And I was afraid you'd get into troubles." More quiet, averting his gaze to the floor, he added. "And I didn't want you to sell yourself to other men for me."
"You could've told me that, you know." Die smiled softly, his heart slowly beginning to beat again. "I wouldn't have done it then."
"Don't lie." The other's head snapped up and he gazed directly into Die's eyes. "If I had told you that I love you, you would've done EVERYTHING to get me out of there, no matter what. You even raised the money although I did my best to hide my feelings."
"I just wanted to get you out of there." The redhead was honest, nodding to emphasize the words. Tentatively he stepped closer, wrapping his arms around the other's neck. "You're not supposed to be held prisoner like that."
Silently, Kaoru closed the distance between them and ghosted his lips across Die's. "I've never known anything else. And I have never known that love can feel like this. It hurt a lot."
"I'm sorry." Die sighed a bit, and despite meaning the words he couldn't help to be content, happy to have the other man near like that. Tentatively he leaned closer, initiating a soft kiss.
On their own accord, Kaoru's eyes fell shut and he just enjoyed the contact while his heart was going thousand miles an hour. "Don't be. It also feels damn good, like being weightless, head spinning and makes my stomach tickle," he whispered smiling after they had parted.
"Die?" His voice almost left him when he spoke the word. "Will you send me away again?"
"I couldn't even if I wanted to." The redhead smiled honestly, his eyes sparkling full of happiness for the first time after they had parted. Softly, he caressed the other's cheek with his fingers. "Remember what I told you? Even if you fly away, you still can't ever get rid of me."
Author:
seinen_no and fonulynRating: NC17
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Summary: Die and Toshiya are unemployed and penniless, even sharing a crappy apartment as best friends although they can barely even afford that one either. Across the street there's a luxurious whore-house, and the two have the brilliant idea that they'll try to get inside information about how things are in there to be able to write a book about it, to cure all their financial problems. Everything doesn't go as planned though, and Die is fascinated by one of the prostitutes like a moth by a flame.
Comments:
fonulyn: Aw, this is now the time to let go. It has been a pleasure, and I want to thank you all for following with us until the end^^ And I hope that you like the last chapter too, as it now will take the story into its end. Gah, I can’t say anything else so I won’t spoil it for you XDAnd we already have new stories almost written, so keep tuned! Soon we will brick you with a new plotline and hope that you’ll find it interesting^^ Thanks once again! *biiig hugs*
seinen_no: Oh my, I think this chap has it all, squeezed into 7 ½ pages^^ The beginning really really always makes me swallow hard and sometimes even cry. I know that we kinda left out many things in between, but they are not necessary for the story itself as we think and I believe we hadn't been in the mood to write it x)Thank you all for reading and for always commenting. It's always so nice to hear your thoughts about the story, to hear how you think it will go on and so… *big hugs to you all*
Now there's nothing left for me than to say "That's all folks". But I think I am allowed to promise that we have the next thing ready to post soon^^
And feel free to add our journal if you like the stories!
Previously happened: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 , Part 6 , Part 7 , Part 8, Part 9
Chapter 10: True Love Can Let Go
Ignoring everything he might've had to do, Die went straight to his room, burying himself under the blanket. He had never thought he would be the one to get upset easily, could take a lot when it came down to it, but this had been too much. He cried, bitter tears running down his cheeks.
When he staid away from lunch, Toshiya got worried and went to check on him. Maybe his friend was hurt more badly than they had thought. "Die?" the black-haired man asked softly when he spotted the other on his bed. "Everything alright?"
"Leave me alone." The redhead only buried his face in the pillow, a choked sob wrecking his form. He was ashamed of the tears, of breaking down like that, but he couldn't help it.
Iffy about what to do, Toshiya remained standing where he was, biting his lip. Something bad must have happened, but he didn't dare to ask his friend, didn't want to force him to talk about it this time as he sensed it must have been something serious. All he knew was that it worried him, because he had never seen Die so down. "Don't you want to come and eat a bit with us?"
"No!" The only word Die said was almost drowned into the pillow, as he seemed to be trying to choke himself.
"You sure you want to be alone?"
"Yeah." He just didn't feel like he could face anyone right now.
Without saying another word, Toshiya turned around and closed the door quietly. He had no idea what exactly had happened, but knew that it surely had something to do with Kaoru. Still, he didn't want to interfere, at least not until he knew the reason why Die was crying.
Die didn't calm down in a long time, but when the tears finally subsided he felt empty, as if there was nothing left in the world for him anymore. Slowly determination was rising in him though, since he didn't want everything he had gone through to go to waste.
Wordlessly, he dug out the notes and papers they had stored under his bed. After finding a pen, he began to write, to just pour it all out on paper, not stopping for a minute even when his arm was cramping.
He was still at it when his flatmates returned from their shifts. After Toshiya had told the others about Die's condition, they had agreed that he should try to talk to him again. So he knocked on the door to his friend's room, but stepped inside without waiting for an answer. "I just wanted to see if you're okay," he apologized with an insecure smile.
"I'm fine," came the automatic reply without Die even slowing down, the words flowing straight from his soul onto the white paper.
"May I see what you're writing?" Carefully, Toshiya crawled on the bed and lay down on his stomach, trying to sneak a peek at the small book. He caught a few words, and the puzzle in his head slowly formed to a picture.
"Sure." Die handed him a small booklet that was already filled with his handwriting, going on pouring the words out into another notebook.
Wordlessly, the other man began to read for a long time before he tilted his head to look at him again. "Die, this is amazing. It's brilliant and just what we need." Only then, Toshiya's brains had processed the meaning of what he had just read. "I'm sorry," he whispered, compassionately wrapping one arm around his friend. "I really am."
Die had just written down his story, how they had begun to work in the brothel, how he had met Kaoru and fallen in love with him until the moment the other man had broken his heart. A heartwrenching true and sad story, if one asked Toshiya and certainly worth publishing.
"You don't have to be." Die smiled slightly, considerably calmer now that he had got it all out. It had somehow sorted things for himself while getting his thoughts on paper. He looked his friend in the eye, leaning a bit into the embrace. "So I guess our work here is done..."
The black-haired man looked both, surprised and pleased. "So we get this into a proper shape and go to find somebody who publishes it? Become filthy rich?" Somehow he just couldn't believe that Die had closed this chapter, that he was willing to just leave everything behind.
"Yup." Die nodded. "Become filthy rich."
"I feel a bit bad, you know," Toshiya said, finally allowing a smile to form on his lips. "I mean, I really do like Shin and Kyo and it'll be hard to keep in touch when we don't work here anymore. But maybe we can see once or twice a month on their free days."
"Yeah, it would be nice to see them," the redhead admitted, honestly meaning it. "But we can get their phone numbers and keep in touch. It's been nice working here with them after all." He didn't mention Kaoru with a single word and it was somehow like he just refused to acknowledge that he even existed.
That fact didn't pass by Toshiya unnoticed, but he remained silent about this. He knew that Die still loved the purple-haired whore and was certain he wouldn't just let go of it this easily. But he was glad that his friend seemed to have come to his senses and that they could now only focus on working on the book. After all, this had been the reason why they had applied for the job in the first place. "Yeah, let's tell them now and tomorrow we quit." They would have to finish the week there and give the boss time to find suitable substitutes, but that was a piece of cake for them.
Die nodded silently, offering his friend a small smile. "Could you get them here? I would prefer not moving too much." He was still sore and wanted to take it easy now that he was lying down anyways.
Toshiya didn't have anything against it though, and quickly got up to summon their friends so that they could have a talk together. Kyo and Shinya couldn't deny that they were sad to lose such good friends, but they had plans for their lives as well, wanted to open a bar together once they had earned enough money. They were talking the whole night through, envisioning their future and promising each other to remain friends, no matter what life might throw at them.
Like predicted, Toshiya and Die had to finish the week, but it went by in no time. The evening before their last day in the brothel, Kyo and Die were taking one of their usual cigarette breaks outside in the yard. Just when they were done and Die already had his hand on the handle, Kyo addressed him, whispering. "If I were you, I would take a good look at the big book in the boss' drawer," he advised and added. "Too bad that it's locked." With having said that, he walked past the redhead and dropped something, a small silver key.
Curious as he was, Die took the key after making sure no one was watching. A bit later, when he knew that no one would be at the boss' office, he went in and followed his friend's instructions.
What he saw made his eyes widen in surprise. Apparently the boss was cheating with the taxes big time. Even Die realized it although he was no expert in those things.
After making his way out of the room, he went to find Toshiya straight, telling him everything about what he had found out.
"So what?" The black-haired man asked, shrugging his shoulders. "It's none of our business and we're out of here tomorrow afternoon anyways. To be honest," he looked at his friend a bit amused, "I never thought he'd pay his taxes properly."
Die just shrugged, not saying anything further. To him this was an opportunity though. He was still determined to gain enough money and buy Kaoru free one day, no matter what, and this would give him some arguments while talking to the boss.
So they went to bed and worked the next day as if nothing had happened. Only when they were about to leave, Kaoru appeared in the hall and approached them. Of course he knew that Die would leave and although it hurt him, practically tore his heart into bits and pieces, he couldn't let him go without seeing him once again. He just wanted to close this chapter of his life, wanted to lock up the good memories and store them somewhere deep inside his soul, to be able to continue with what he had been doing all his life.
He felt ancient, and knew that from that day on, nothing would be the same anymore. Fighting for control, he stretched out his hand, the handshake only a pretence to touch the redhead one final time before they would part forever. "I just wanted to wish you luck for the future and thank you for your good services. It's a loss for all of us that you go."
Die bit the insides of his cheeks, fighting to keep up his coolness. "Good luck to you too. And you don't need to thank me for anything. I was just doing my job." He was staring the other straight in the eye though, trying to find even the tiniest hint of affection there. But it was in vain. A barely audible sigh escaped him as he averted his gaze to their still joined hands.
The touch caused everything to boil up inside Kaoru again and he closed his eyes only for a split second longer than to blink. He didn't want to just turn around, wanted to watch Die leave and imprint every single detail about him into his memory although he was going through physical and emotional pain.
"Still, thanks." With having said that, he withdrew his hand and gave it to Toshiya who startled a bit, but shook it, smiling at the other.
"So, I guess we'd better get going..." Die didn't look at Kaoru anymore, afraid that he would just break down and beg him to show some kind of emotion.
Slowly he turned, trying to gain control over himself when he walked away, away from the only person he had ever loved, away from the one he could never get.
Kaoru remained glued to the ground and watched him retreat, watched Toshiya wrap his arm around his shoulders in a friendly manner. He had to close his eyes, weakly stumbling backwards and leaning against the wall. A few stray tears already overcame the barrier and ran down his cheeks, no matter how hard he tried to suppress them, and he slid to the ground, burying his face in his knees.
Something made Toshiya turn his head and when he saw the purple-haired man, he knew that everything had just been a show. Kaoru loved Die as much as the other way around and that had been the reason for his actions. However, the door closed and concealed Kaoru from his sight and Toshiya just walked on with his friend, hopefully into a better future than they had had when they had come to this place.
They didn't do much else but to work on the book during the next few weeks. They were a good team, correcting each other's mistakes and always finding the best way to say things. It was hard though, especially since it tore Die's wounds open again, making him live through all the highs and lows, from the fleeting happy moments to the pain he never wanted to experience again.
Eventually, they were done and the book was ready to be offered to a publisher. A bit to their own surprise, it was accepted almost instantly, gaining praises from people who had read it. They had ended the book at the moment when they had left the brothel, leaving the end open.
Afterwards, Die seemed empty, as if all happyness had left him although he tried hard not to show it. But the shallow expression of his eyes and the artificial smile he took on from time to time as if to convince himself that everything was alright, didn't pass by Toshiya unnoticed.
They had shared the money they had gotten for the rights on the book, and were still living in one apartment together. But they had moved to a slightly better place, still a cheap one, but better and not in the direct neighborhood of the brothel.
One day, Toshiya came home from buying some groceries and he wordlessly put a check on the table in front of the redhead.
"What's this?" Die looked up, honestly surprised and gazed inquiringly at his friend who was storing the foods away into the fridge.
"Money." The answer came as if it was the most natural thing to give his friend a fortune.
"But what do you think you're doing with it? I already got my share." Die still didn't get what the other was up to.
"Go and buy your love free." Toshiya turned his head to smile at his friend. "I want to see you happy again."
"Tosh..." Slowly Die got up from his seat, his eyes wide in surprise. "I can't take your money..." He had counted the money he owned dozens of times, making calculations in his head and going through every possible solution, but in the end he still didn't have enough money to buy Kaoru free. As painful as it was, he simply didn't have the needed amount. Together with Toshiya's money, he would be able to do it, but still he hesitated. He didn't want to mess up his friend's life along with his own.
"You can. I don't want it. The book's mostly your work anyways. It's your story. You can pay me back in small bits once." Finally, the black-haired man turned around completely, leaning his back against the fridge. "That's what friends do, right? Go and do what you have to. With the success of the book, it's going to be easy to sell our next story too."
Wordlessly, Die stepped forward, hugging his friend tight. He couldn't help that a few tears escaped his eyes, because he was just enormously grateful. "Thank you," he managed to whisper after a moment. "And I'll pay you back, I swear. Every bit of it."
"It's okay." Toshiya smiled, hugging him back as tightly. "Just please don't get yourself into troubles with the boss. Be careful. I am sure he can be quite dangerous and if you're dead, you're worth nothing either for me or Kao."
"I'll be careful. I promise." The redhead smiled, a sparkle back somewhere deep in his eyes.
He didn't waste time and went back to the brothel the same day, intending on completing his mission. He made sure his friends didn't see him though, not wanting to answer their questions right at that moment.
Toshiya was deeply worried and nervously waited for his return. However, when Die came back, he said that the boss had accepted the money after he had dropped a hint about the books.
They hadn't been dumb of course and had copied parts as evidence and told the boss Die had stored it somewhere safely. In case anything happened to Kaoru, Toshiya or him, the police would be informed automatically, just as a precaution to keep them safe. Die hadn't dared to try and get Kaoru free without paying anything, knowing that then the boss might've been too angry and would probably have taken the effort to get rid of them somehow.
Although Die's mood had brightened considerably afterwards, there still was something wrong and after a few days had passed, Toshiya asked him frankly. "Why the fuck don't you go and meet him? He's out there somewhere and you didn't even talk to him."
Indeed, Kaoru was out there somewhere all alone. Although nobody had told him who had paid this much money to buy him free, he had a pretty good guess, but then, nobody had come to pick him up. He felt like a prisoner who got out, but there was no Die anywhere, no puff of red hair, no smile.
It made Kaoru angry even. Where was he supposed to go? He only had little money, no friends and no place to stay. He had practically lost everything. With the bit of money he had, he rented a furnished room in the cheapest area of the city and managed to get a job in a bar after some time. Still, there was no Die. He would have wanted to see him so badly, wanted to tell him that he had said those harsh words only to keep him safe, that he had been afraid to raise false hopes. But he didn't even know where Die was living, didn't know anything.
Die had thought this through in his mind over and over again and he was convinced that this was what he had to do. He wanted Kaoru's love, wanted to see him so badly, to just hold him, to finally get a bit of the happiness he had given up on already, but he couldn't.
"I just don't think I could handle it." Die smiled slightly as Toshiya had asked him about it once again, refusing to meet his gaze with his own. "I... well, I just can't stand the thought that he'd be with me out of mere gratefulness. So I'll rather step aside and let him build his life as he wants to." It was killing him inside slowly to do this, but he saw no other option. At least, Kaoru was free, didn't have to work in that place anymore.
"You're a stupid moron, Daisuke Andou!" Toshiya was angry his friend didn't even want to give it a shot and see what exactly Kaoru felt for him. He had seen it, had seen him cry when Die had left, but even though he now told the redhead about it, Die refused to fully believe him.
Days were passing, became weeks and no matter how often Toshiya addressed the topic, swore that he had seen what he had seen, his friend was too afraid to believe him, couldn't bear the thought Kaoru might only want to show his gratefulness if they started a relationship.
So Toshiya made up his mind to talk to Kaoru himself. But first, he had to go and find out where he lived. Luckily, they indeed were still in touch with Kyo and Shinya and the small blonde knew about Kaoru's residence. In lack of other friends, the purple-haired man had called him several times, glad to even have somebody to talk to.
The doorbell rang and Toshiya jumped up from his seat. "I'll get it." He didn't really expect anybody, but when he opened the door and found Kaoru standing behind it, he wasn't surprised at all. They had talked only yesterday and Kaoru had done everything to get a day off to come there.
Wordlessly, Toshiya stepped aside and let him in. "Die, a visitor for you." With having said that, he put on his shoes, grabbed his jacket and left the apartment without saying anything further.
"I'm coming." The redhead's voice sounded from the small living room, as he heaved himself up from the couch and turned the TV off before getting to the door.
"So, what's...?" He stopped suddenly, his eyes widening when he saw who was standing right in front of him. His heart practically stopped beating, and he didn't know what to say, how to react.
"Hi." Kaoru's voice was faint and he shifted his weight from one foot to the other insecurely. "I just-" He stopped, not really knowing what to say. "Thank you."
Die smiled automatically, trying to somehow gain control over his racing emotions. "You don't need to thank me." He cleared his throat nervously. "Want some tea or something?"
"No." The purple-haired man shook his head quickly, but remained glued to the ground, just looking at the redhead. Why was this so hard? Why couldn't he just tell Die what he felt and everything would turn out fine? "I just came to say how grateful I am about what you did for me. But I don't want to be together with somebody out of gratefulness."
"Yeah, I figured so." Die nodded, bit his lip slightly and averted his gaze. It hurt, despite that he had known it already. "That's why I kept away from you... I didn't want you to think I wanted to use you."
There was a small smile on Kaoru's lips and he tilted his head a bit, trying to sneak a peek at the other man. "BUT," he said firmly, "I want to be with the one I love. For some reason though, he thinks I don't love him and he just left me alone, delivered me from hell to freezing solitude."
The redhead looked up, totally surprised. "But you... you said you didn't want me in your life," he stuttered, not believing that this was happening. And he didn't dare to believe yet that all his hopes were about to come true.
"Idiot." Kaoru put his index-finger on Die's forehead and gave him a gentle shove. He became considerably more serious though when he went on. "I was afraid. I've never been in love, and technically, we had no future. And I was afraid you'd get into troubles." More quiet, averting his gaze to the floor, he added. "And I didn't want you to sell yourself to other men for me."
"You could've told me that, you know." Die smiled softly, his heart slowly beginning to beat again. "I wouldn't have done it then."
"Don't lie." The other's head snapped up and he gazed directly into Die's eyes. "If I had told you that I love you, you would've done EVERYTHING to get me out of there, no matter what. You even raised the money although I did my best to hide my feelings."
"I just wanted to get you out of there." The redhead was honest, nodding to emphasize the words. Tentatively he stepped closer, wrapping his arms around the other's neck. "You're not supposed to be held prisoner like that."
Silently, Kaoru closed the distance between them and ghosted his lips across Die's. "I've never known anything else. And I have never known that love can feel like this. It hurt a lot."
"I'm sorry." Die sighed a bit, and despite meaning the words he couldn't help to be content, happy to have the other man near like that. Tentatively he leaned closer, initiating a soft kiss.
On their own accord, Kaoru's eyes fell shut and he just enjoyed the contact while his heart was going thousand miles an hour. "Don't be. It also feels damn good, like being weightless, head spinning and makes my stomach tickle," he whispered smiling after they had parted.
"Die?" His voice almost left him when he spoke the word. "Will you send me away again?"
"I couldn't even if I wanted to." The redhead smiled honestly, his eyes sparkling full of happiness for the first time after they had parted. Softly, he caressed the other's cheek with his fingers. "Remember what I told you? Even if you fly away, you still can't ever get rid of me."