rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 02:42 am
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 02:42 am
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Title: Where do you feel you’re home
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fonulyn
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kaoru and Die
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do not get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: My friendsherg gave me the first sentence, so this is dedicated to her^^ I wrote it in the middle of the night and at the same time my brother was babbling on about something incomprehensible and trying to distract me.
Featuring an almost psychotic obsessing Kaoru drooling after Die desperately XD Oh, and this is Kao’s pov.
Where do you feel you’re home
I had always known he liked also girls, but this time seeing him with that tall blonde under his arm made me see red. And the most infuriating thing about it was that I had no idea why I reacted that way. You see, when he I saw him walk down the street I became unreasonably happy and was about to go greet him, but when he shamelessly nudged the woman closer I just retreated into the first alley I spotted. From my safe hideout, I continued to inspect the couple. They had stopped in front of a jewellery store and were laughing at something together, looking through the window at the expensive pieces.
Maybe I ought to explain a little before I go further. See, I’m the leader and lead guitarist of this very popular band. And the guy I’m talking about, the one with that annoying blonde, is none other than my band’s other guitarist. The redheaded man with bright smile and irritating jokes. The one whom I’m utterly obsessed with. The one with whom I always feel like I’m home. When I said I didn’t know why I got angry I lied. I do know. No use in denying it anymore, I had fallen hard for him. Pity me, ‘cause I’m desperately in love.
I’d spent countless nights either laughing bitterly at my own stupid thoughts, having wet dreams about him or crying because I’d probably never work up the guts to tell him what I felt. Pitiful? Yes, very. Depressing? That too. Let’s just say that this all is going to kill me one of these days. Okay, now it’s all in the open. Feel free to laugh and mock the oh-so-proud leadersama, who’s only an obsessed fifteen-year-old schoolgirl.
I do believe that he likes me. A lot, it’s safe to say. Whenever he looks at me, there’s a warm glimmer in his eyes and when we spend time together his laughter is softer and smile happier. But my problem is that he sees me as his friend and co-worker while I’m drooling over his long legs and beautiful features. I have always thought that the relations between bandmates should be purely at the safe state of friendship, but I’m really beginning to be ready to flush all of my ideology down the sewer.
Oh well, back to the situation at hand. As I said, I looked at them and I felt the anger start to boil inside of me. I clenched my fists frustrated, thinking of good ways to break that happy castle of clouds they seemed to be in. I don’t mean that I’d break their relationship, no. Even I am not so cruel, despite the fact that in a way she’s my rival. I mean break the current situation; He’s wrapped his arm around her waist and she leans into him while they both shake with fits of laughter.
I decided I’d go talk to them. Yes, then I’d maybe find out who that lucky bitch really was and if I was lucky they wouldn’t get any more friendly with each other. At least as long as I would be in their sight. I glanced at the store-window at my right to make sure I looked good enough. I have to admit that my hair looks nice when it’s this fair and fluffy. What the hell’s wrong with me? Get a grip, Kaoru! Okay, a deep breath. Walk steadily. Now he’s spotted me and waves his hand slightly. Smile. Good. Only a few more steps.
“Hiyah, Kao! Doing some shopping?” His huge grin lighted up the whole world. “Hi, Die. No, I’m just walking, probably I’ll head back home soon. You?” He glanced briefly at the smiling girl leaning to him. I was really beginning to hate that woman, even though I hadn’t spoken a word with her and didn’t even know her name. “Yeah, we thought we’d go and grab some lunch. Wanna join?” Do I want to have lunch with you? Hell yeah I want! Now where can I dump that stupid female..?
Luckily her phone rang and she excused herself before going a little further so she could speak in private. Now I had the undivided attention of the one I couldn’t stop thinking about. He still waited for me to answer his question. “No, I don’t want to be the third wheel.” His face fell. “Aw, too bad.” I guess he really wanted me to accompany them. I stared at his hands, he was twitching the hem of his shirt nervously. A habit from the childhood, I remembered he had said. What a strong looking hands he had, and long fingers too.
“Die..?” I landed back to reality from my dreams when I heard that clear voice call for the man in front of me. I just stared at the woman’s lips while she talked. “I’m sorry, but I’ll have to cancel the lunch. My father just called me, and I need to arrange a meeting...” She smiled apologetically and Die waved his hand. “It’s okay. You’ll need to do what you need to do. I understand.” The woman turned around to leave, but turned her head slightly to look back at the redhead. “But you’ll call me later?” I would have given a lot to be her when she received a stunning smile and a promise of a phone-call.
Then she was gone. Lucky me, now I would be able to pretend that she doesn’t exist. Where was I? Yeah, I was admiring his hands… But now I was hypnotized by his eyes, when he looked me straight in the eye. Smiling as usual. God I love that smile! “Wanna have some lunch with me, Kao? ‘Cause if you don’t, I’ll be all alone now.” My heart jumped and I hoped I didn’t seem too eager as I smiled at him. “Why the hell not?”
I had forgotten all my earlier thoughts about getting to know who the woman was, but I surely received more information that I needed. It seemed that she was now the only thing in Die’s mind, because he kept on talking about her while we headed to one of our favourite restaurants. She was three years younger than Die, worked for her father’s company as a secretary of some sort, had two cats and a goldfish, played violin and loved seafood. AND she was quickly climbing higher on my list of the people who should be annihilated as soon as possible.
We had seated ourselves into a corner table of the restaurant and waiting for our orders when he finally stopped babbling about that blonde. His face was quite serious and he crossed his hands while leaning on the table before he asked me a question. “So, Kao, that’s about it. Is there anyone special in your life now?” Anyone special? You, dammit! Open up your eyes and see how I worship even the ground you walk on! As you might’ve guessed that’s only what I wanted to say. Instead I just smiled a little and shook my head. “No one.”
His expression became a bit worried. “You work too much, Kao! You should get out more and meet people!” I know he meant well, but what can I say, I wasn’t interested. Except in him, of course. But I’d rather keep that fact to myself for now. The arriving of the food saved me from answering and I was able to fluently move into safer topics. Like the upcoming tour and practices and stuff. Idle chitchat. But his presence was something I needed, so I ended up leaving home few hours later all happy and warm inside.
Two weeks later that blonde I saw him with suddenly popped up again. This time only though by Die talking about her to me. After a practice he waited until everyone else had gone and came to me saying he wanted to talk. We sat down, side by side on the small couch and he poured all his worries on me while I listened obediently. Just between you and me, I can admit that I was also staring at his lips. See, there’s a small scar-looking thing in his upper lip. I don’t know if anyone else has even noticed it, but what can I say, I’m obsessed.
“…she has to work all the time, or she’s too tired to go anywhere or she has some family gatherings I’m never welcome into. So it seems to me she’s avoiding me.” Die finished and looked at me like he expected me to correct all things that were wrong in his life. Sorry, honey, I can’t make her love you. But I can love you instead. Like I’d ever said things like that to him. Instead I sighed. “I don’t know what you want me to say. You’ll just need to talk to her. Ask her what’s going on.”
Die ran his fingers through his red hair – which looked extremely soft by the way – and stared at his feet. “I know, I know. I just have this terrible feeling that I’ll never be good enough for her.” Not good enough!? She’s the one who’s not good enough for a god like you! I took his jaw between my fingers and lifted his head up. “Don’t think like that. You are just as good as needed. You’re perfect in your own unique way.” He smiled. “What would I do without you, Kao?” What indeed, that is the question.
She and Die broke up a month after that. I don’t quite know the reason till this day, but he babbled something about jealousy, if he or she was the jealous one, he didn’t give even the slightest hint. But my amazing redhead – see, I say ‘my’ like I own him the way I would like to - found someone to be with quite soon after that. This time my worst enemy seemed to be a man, a staff member of ours to be exact. Hideharu was his name, and he was surely good looking and fun to be with. And of course it was Die who got him.
That rhythm-guitarist of ours was very easy to fall in love with, with that amazing happy attitude and caring personality. At some point about half of the staff had a crush of some degree on him. I don’t think he even realized how many of us was drooling after his nonexistent butt. But that lucky bastard Hideharu had the luck to be the source of Die’s ass pains during the tour. By the way they both moved carefully every now and then, I think it’s safe to say that in their relationship the pains went both ways. And how I envied Hideharu! I even started to avoid him, because I couldn’t stand being near while he might at any moment steal a quick kiss from the redhead when he thought no one would see.
I still hadn’t given out even smallest clues of how I felt about Die. If you don’t count staring and drooling, but he’s so dense that he would never notice that. I’m too good to distract people with my true poses and facial expressions. However, we spent a lot of time together. Not exactly the way I would have wanted to, but still enjoying his company was first in my priorities. We often had lunch together, went drinking or played Nintendo like some teenaged boys. But I enjoyed every minute. Besides, I think we grew closer to each other all the time. At least closer in the terms of a friendship.
Their relationship, Die and Hideharu’s, ended though, before lasting for almost half a year. Again, I heard muttered words about jealousy of some kind, but I didn’t bother to find out more. ‘Cause deep down inside I felt to scream out of joy. When I thought about my own reactions I was quite afraid of what kind of monster I seemed to be, enjoying whenever my best friend failed with his love-life. But what can I say, I was surely happier when he was alone than when he was being with someone who wasn’t me. Selfish? Yes, quite. True? More than anything.
Then after few months I found Die standing on my door saying he needed to talk to me. He had a bouquet of red tulips in his hands. Not meant for me though he eventually did give them to me. I took him into my kitchen and made him a cup of tea. We sat quietly drinking tea and he seemed to be organizing his thoughts. I gladly let him take his time, since I was busy imagining what it would feel like to have his long arms wrapped around me holding me near. Then finally he cleared his voice and started talking.
“Uhm, Kao, I’m not sure what I should say, so let me just try.” I nodded, intending to be quiet and listen to whatever he wanted me to know. He ran his fingers through his hair, gesture I had seen so many times before, before continuing. “See, as you know I tend to fail in my relationships. I don’t think I’ve ever really explained why.” Really, this was getting interesting. “The thing is, almost everyone I’ve been with eventually dumps me ‘cause they feel like I’m cheating on them, not physically but emotionally anyway.” He raised his gaze to meet mine.
“To be honest with you, I think I agree with them. See, whenever I’m with someone I can’t help thinking that is that place where I really belong. Is that where I feel I’m home?” I still didn’t say a word, but I was beginning to feel more and more confused. “Kao, I’m not sure how I should say this. But whenever I think who I’d want to spend the rest of my life with or start to think where I feel at home…well, the only one I can think of…” I stood up from my chair and his gaze followed me. “…is you.”
I forced myself to stay calm, and took the few steps that separated him from me. Casually I seated myself on his lap and circled my arms around his waist. My whole insides felt like they’d melted away when I pressed my forehead against his cheek. He seemed quite surprised at first, but slowly he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face into my hair. We sat like that for a while, but then I lifted my head up and looked him in the eye. That gave me the final courage I needed and I leaned in and kissed him. It was a really chaste kiss, only lips on lips, but it left behind a happy and tingling feeling.
“So, Kao, how about a date?”
I mirrored his smile. Truly, completely happy.
Author:
fonulynRating: PG
Pairing: Kaoru and Die
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do not get any money from this, and it's written solely for entertainment purposes meaning no harm.
Comments: My friend
sherg gave me the first sentence, so this is dedicated to her^^ I wrote it in the middle of the night and at the same time my brother was babbling on about something incomprehensible and trying to distract me. Featuring an almost psychotic obsessing Kaoru drooling after Die desperately XD Oh, and this is Kao’s pov.
I had always known he liked also girls, but this time seeing him with that tall blonde under his arm made me see red. And the most infuriating thing about it was that I had no idea why I reacted that way. You see, when he I saw him walk down the street I became unreasonably happy and was about to go greet him, but when he shamelessly nudged the woman closer I just retreated into the first alley I spotted. From my safe hideout, I continued to inspect the couple. They had stopped in front of a jewellery store and were laughing at something together, looking through the window at the expensive pieces.
Maybe I ought to explain a little before I go further. See, I’m the leader and lead guitarist of this very popular band. And the guy I’m talking about, the one with that annoying blonde, is none other than my band’s other guitarist. The redheaded man with bright smile and irritating jokes. The one whom I’m utterly obsessed with. The one with whom I always feel like I’m home. When I said I didn’t know why I got angry I lied. I do know. No use in denying it anymore, I had fallen hard for him. Pity me, ‘cause I’m desperately in love.
I’d spent countless nights either laughing bitterly at my own stupid thoughts, having wet dreams about him or crying because I’d probably never work up the guts to tell him what I felt. Pitiful? Yes, very. Depressing? That too. Let’s just say that this all is going to kill me one of these days. Okay, now it’s all in the open. Feel free to laugh and mock the oh-so-proud leadersama, who’s only an obsessed fifteen-year-old schoolgirl.
I do believe that he likes me. A lot, it’s safe to say. Whenever he looks at me, there’s a warm glimmer in his eyes and when we spend time together his laughter is softer and smile happier. But my problem is that he sees me as his friend and co-worker while I’m drooling over his long legs and beautiful features. I have always thought that the relations between bandmates should be purely at the safe state of friendship, but I’m really beginning to be ready to flush all of my ideology down the sewer.
Oh well, back to the situation at hand. As I said, I looked at them and I felt the anger start to boil inside of me. I clenched my fists frustrated, thinking of good ways to break that happy castle of clouds they seemed to be in. I don’t mean that I’d break their relationship, no. Even I am not so cruel, despite the fact that in a way she’s my rival. I mean break the current situation; He’s wrapped his arm around her waist and she leans into him while they both shake with fits of laughter.
I decided I’d go talk to them. Yes, then I’d maybe find out who that lucky bitch really was and if I was lucky they wouldn’t get any more friendly with each other. At least as long as I would be in their sight. I glanced at the store-window at my right to make sure I looked good enough. I have to admit that my hair looks nice when it’s this fair and fluffy. What the hell’s wrong with me? Get a grip, Kaoru! Okay, a deep breath. Walk steadily. Now he’s spotted me and waves his hand slightly. Smile. Good. Only a few more steps.
“Hiyah, Kao! Doing some shopping?” His huge grin lighted up the whole world. “Hi, Die. No, I’m just walking, probably I’ll head back home soon. You?” He glanced briefly at the smiling girl leaning to him. I was really beginning to hate that woman, even though I hadn’t spoken a word with her and didn’t even know her name. “Yeah, we thought we’d go and grab some lunch. Wanna join?” Do I want to have lunch with you? Hell yeah I want! Now where can I dump that stupid female..?
Luckily her phone rang and she excused herself before going a little further so she could speak in private. Now I had the undivided attention of the one I couldn’t stop thinking about. He still waited for me to answer his question. “No, I don’t want to be the third wheel.” His face fell. “Aw, too bad.” I guess he really wanted me to accompany them. I stared at his hands, he was twitching the hem of his shirt nervously. A habit from the childhood, I remembered he had said. What a strong looking hands he had, and long fingers too.
“Die..?” I landed back to reality from my dreams when I heard that clear voice call for the man in front of me. I just stared at the woman’s lips while she talked. “I’m sorry, but I’ll have to cancel the lunch. My father just called me, and I need to arrange a meeting...” She smiled apologetically and Die waved his hand. “It’s okay. You’ll need to do what you need to do. I understand.” The woman turned around to leave, but turned her head slightly to look back at the redhead. “But you’ll call me later?” I would have given a lot to be her when she received a stunning smile and a promise of a phone-call.
Then she was gone. Lucky me, now I would be able to pretend that she doesn’t exist. Where was I? Yeah, I was admiring his hands… But now I was hypnotized by his eyes, when he looked me straight in the eye. Smiling as usual. God I love that smile! “Wanna have some lunch with me, Kao? ‘Cause if you don’t, I’ll be all alone now.” My heart jumped and I hoped I didn’t seem too eager as I smiled at him. “Why the hell not?”
I had forgotten all my earlier thoughts about getting to know who the woman was, but I surely received more information that I needed. It seemed that she was now the only thing in Die’s mind, because he kept on talking about her while we headed to one of our favourite restaurants. She was three years younger than Die, worked for her father’s company as a secretary of some sort, had two cats and a goldfish, played violin and loved seafood. AND she was quickly climbing higher on my list of the people who should be annihilated as soon as possible.
We had seated ourselves into a corner table of the restaurant and waiting for our orders when he finally stopped babbling about that blonde. His face was quite serious and he crossed his hands while leaning on the table before he asked me a question. “So, Kao, that’s about it. Is there anyone special in your life now?” Anyone special? You, dammit! Open up your eyes and see how I worship even the ground you walk on! As you might’ve guessed that’s only what I wanted to say. Instead I just smiled a little and shook my head. “No one.”
His expression became a bit worried. “You work too much, Kao! You should get out more and meet people!” I know he meant well, but what can I say, I wasn’t interested. Except in him, of course. But I’d rather keep that fact to myself for now. The arriving of the food saved me from answering and I was able to fluently move into safer topics. Like the upcoming tour and practices and stuff. Idle chitchat. But his presence was something I needed, so I ended up leaving home few hours later all happy and warm inside.
Two weeks later that blonde I saw him with suddenly popped up again. This time only though by Die talking about her to me. After a practice he waited until everyone else had gone and came to me saying he wanted to talk. We sat down, side by side on the small couch and he poured all his worries on me while I listened obediently. Just between you and me, I can admit that I was also staring at his lips. See, there’s a small scar-looking thing in his upper lip. I don’t know if anyone else has even noticed it, but what can I say, I’m obsessed.
“…she has to work all the time, or she’s too tired to go anywhere or she has some family gatherings I’m never welcome into. So it seems to me she’s avoiding me.” Die finished and looked at me like he expected me to correct all things that were wrong in his life. Sorry, honey, I can’t make her love you. But I can love you instead. Like I’d ever said things like that to him. Instead I sighed. “I don’t know what you want me to say. You’ll just need to talk to her. Ask her what’s going on.”
Die ran his fingers through his red hair – which looked extremely soft by the way – and stared at his feet. “I know, I know. I just have this terrible feeling that I’ll never be good enough for her.” Not good enough!? She’s the one who’s not good enough for a god like you! I took his jaw between my fingers and lifted his head up. “Don’t think like that. You are just as good as needed. You’re perfect in your own unique way.” He smiled. “What would I do without you, Kao?” What indeed, that is the question.
She and Die broke up a month after that. I don’t quite know the reason till this day, but he babbled something about jealousy, if he or she was the jealous one, he didn’t give even the slightest hint. But my amazing redhead – see, I say ‘my’ like I own him the way I would like to - found someone to be with quite soon after that. This time my worst enemy seemed to be a man, a staff member of ours to be exact. Hideharu was his name, and he was surely good looking and fun to be with. And of course it was Die who got him.
That rhythm-guitarist of ours was very easy to fall in love with, with that amazing happy attitude and caring personality. At some point about half of the staff had a crush of some degree on him. I don’t think he even realized how many of us was drooling after his nonexistent butt. But that lucky bastard Hideharu had the luck to be the source of Die’s ass pains during the tour. By the way they both moved carefully every now and then, I think it’s safe to say that in their relationship the pains went both ways. And how I envied Hideharu! I even started to avoid him, because I couldn’t stand being near while he might at any moment steal a quick kiss from the redhead when he thought no one would see.
I still hadn’t given out even smallest clues of how I felt about Die. If you don’t count staring and drooling, but he’s so dense that he would never notice that. I’m too good to distract people with my true poses and facial expressions. However, we spent a lot of time together. Not exactly the way I would have wanted to, but still enjoying his company was first in my priorities. We often had lunch together, went drinking or played Nintendo like some teenaged boys. But I enjoyed every minute. Besides, I think we grew closer to each other all the time. At least closer in the terms of a friendship.
Their relationship, Die and Hideharu’s, ended though, before lasting for almost half a year. Again, I heard muttered words about jealousy of some kind, but I didn’t bother to find out more. ‘Cause deep down inside I felt to scream out of joy. When I thought about my own reactions I was quite afraid of what kind of monster I seemed to be, enjoying whenever my best friend failed with his love-life. But what can I say, I was surely happier when he was alone than when he was being with someone who wasn’t me. Selfish? Yes, quite. True? More than anything.
Then after few months I found Die standing on my door saying he needed to talk to me. He had a bouquet of red tulips in his hands. Not meant for me though he eventually did give them to me. I took him into my kitchen and made him a cup of tea. We sat quietly drinking tea and he seemed to be organizing his thoughts. I gladly let him take his time, since I was busy imagining what it would feel like to have his long arms wrapped around me holding me near. Then finally he cleared his voice and started talking.
“Uhm, Kao, I’m not sure what I should say, so let me just try.” I nodded, intending to be quiet and listen to whatever he wanted me to know. He ran his fingers through his hair, gesture I had seen so many times before, before continuing. “See, as you know I tend to fail in my relationships. I don’t think I’ve ever really explained why.” Really, this was getting interesting. “The thing is, almost everyone I’ve been with eventually dumps me ‘cause they feel like I’m cheating on them, not physically but emotionally anyway.” He raised his gaze to meet mine.
“To be honest with you, I think I agree with them. See, whenever I’m with someone I can’t help thinking that is that place where I really belong. Is that where I feel I’m home?” I still didn’t say a word, but I was beginning to feel more and more confused. “Kao, I’m not sure how I should say this. But whenever I think who I’d want to spend the rest of my life with or start to think where I feel at home…well, the only one I can think of…” I stood up from my chair and his gaze followed me. “…is you.”
I forced myself to stay calm, and took the few steps that separated him from me. Casually I seated myself on his lap and circled my arms around his waist. My whole insides felt like they’d melted away when I pressed my forehead against his cheek. He seemed quite surprised at first, but slowly he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face into my hair. We sat like that for a while, but then I lifted my head up and looked him in the eye. That gave me the final courage I needed and I leaned in and kissed him. It was a really chaste kiss, only lips on lips, but it left behind a happy and tingling feeling.
“So, Kao, how about a date?”
I mirrored his smile. Truly, completely happy.