rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 11:15 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 11:15 pm
(no subject)
Title: The walk of life; Chapter 8: Long time no see
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seinen_no and fonulyn
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Comments:
seinen_no: Well, first of all I want to apologize that it took us so long to post this. It's my fault, but I have quite a good excuse. Work was/is stressy and I don't have much time at the moment.
Well, I hope you enjoy this. I am a bit unsure of how it turned out, but you have to see for yourself. I hope it was worth waiting…
fonulyn: Well, I like this chapter, but it shouldn’t be a surprise since I like the whole dämn story x) Anyways, things are a bit different now that they’re not both locked into the same cell anymore :D And you have to read it if you want to know anything further. It’s nearing the end *dramatic drumming* but there still is a bit left after this chappie. Just read it :D
Previously happened: The walk of life, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7
The walk of life
Chapter 8: Long time no see
Kaoru managed to keep up the facade just as long as it took to catch a taxi, but then broke down in tears, not caring for the weird glances the driver cast at him. His whole mind was
directed at Die and the fact that he had to survive alone there. Of course he didn't go to the brothel, not even spared the opportunity a single thought. Instead, he dug out his mobile phone to make some important calls knowing that time was working against him.
Like in a dream Die made his way to the laundry room, mechanically doing his work and skipping dinner. He knew he would have to get back to the routines, but this first day he allowed himself to mourn. He managed to avoid all the possible attacks even. Later on he was so relieved to find out that Yamada had a free weekend, and so he would at least be left in peace for the first nights he had to be there without his friend. He cried himself to sleep though, emotionally tired and broken. Never in his life had he cried as much as now during his time in prison, and he knew that this could break a man completely.
After his nervous break down in the cab, Kaoru had no time to mourn and denied himself the further display of any emotionality. He had other things to focus on, had to pull some strings, demand some favors a few people owed him. He needed all night and half Saturday plus almost all his money, but finally succeeded. With more caffeine and tar than blood running through his veins, he could finally lay back and relax for he knew that at least Yamada would never harm Die anymore. At least not after Monday, because that would be the day of his death if everything went according to plan. The only thing Kaoru regretted was that he couldn't do it himself, that he wouldn't be there to watch him exhale for the last time.
The man whom he had sent to kill him was a professional, somebody who knew his job and he was hoping with all his might that nothing would cross his plans. Of course they never met and Kaoru had assigned him around five corners, covering the tracks that led to him thoroughly. The thought that Yamada could still have his ways with Die until Monday almost drove him insane, but there wasn't anything he could do about it now.
Die had been fearing for Monday to come, since that would be Yamada's first day at work after Kaoru had left. His heart shrunk even more in the morning when he saw the warden, who immediately winked at him and displayed his dirtiest grin. Die only hurried to work, trying to push the thought away.
But then, in the evening, it was common knowledge that the warden had been killed, and Die had never been so glad in his entire life about the death of a human being. When he heard of the way how Yamada had died, he instantly knew that Kaoru had something to do with it. The warden had been stabbed to death. Stabbed eleven times.
From that day on, nobody ever tried to lay hands on the redhead. Even in the showers, there were no dirty remarks, not even the attempt to assault him. Quite the contrary, the other inmates began to avoid Die as if he was poisoned. Only one time, a new entrant who had been imprisoned on that very Monday morning, winked at him covertly in passing by at breakfast. Of course Die had no idea that this was the man Kaoru had sent to kill Yamada and so it passed him by almost unnoticed.
Nervously, Kaoru had awaited the call of an acquaintance who would deliver the news of Yamada's passing. Nobody could sympathize the relief when he heard that everything had gone well. Now all he could do was to survive those five months which felt like an eternity until Die would be released.
He had to cover the time of waiting by finding a new job though for he had spent all his savings for the killer and didn't want to return to his former position in the Yakuza clan. Not that that would've been an option in the first place for his boss would probably kill him the moment he stepped through the door.
The time passed by slowly, so slowly that it seemed to stand still. The peace made it easier though, since now Die didn't have to fight for himself, and he only had to concentrate on the daily routines. He assumed that Kaoru had something to do with making it easier for him, and he was honestly grateful and wondered what it had taken him to make this happen.
Not a single day passed without Die thinking of his friend, and he knew that he had developed stronger feelings towards him than he'd ever felt for anyone. And he still counted minutes till he would be released, only hoping he would see the other again then.
After letting an adequate amount of time pass, Kaoru wrote the promised letter to his friend. In his mind, he was thinking about the other man differently though. Die wasn't his friend anymore, he was his lover; had been for a long time already. Still, he couldn't know if Die felt more than honest friendship and even if it was, and had always been, only that, Kaoru would've still given everything to protect him.
However, knowing that every letter which was sent to prison would be read, he could only write a few common lines, telling Die that he was okay, to keep his head above water and that he still was willing to keep his promise. In the end though, Kaoru couldn't deny himself to say that he missed his friend. What he couldn't tell him though was how desperate he actually missed him. So much that he didn't seek the company of women like he had predicted, but instead, only thought about the other man while quietly gratifying himself. Everything else would have felt like cheating.
Die treasured the small notes he got from the other and kept them under his pillow, reading them over and over again until he knew them by heart, remembered the shape of each letter and the way the paper had been crumpled. Those letters were what made him go on when it was hard, made him get up in the morning when everything seemed to crush him. And slowly the time passed and the date of his freedom came closer, and instantly the life returned to his eyes as he thought he would be able to meet Kaoru again, so see him and to hug him, maybe kiss him and hold him if he was lucky enough.
Until the date of Die's release, Kaoru had lived his life like a robot, had worked several small jobs to survive. Otherwise, he had hidden in his apartment, unable to enjoy the freedom without the other man. He had been counting hours and minutes and only a couple of days before Die's release, Kaoru became dead nervous. How would it be? What would he say? And was the bond that had grown between them still there after such a long time? His heart was beating so quickly, his thoughts racing with all those questions that he couldn't sleep, couldn't calm down until the final day came.
Die was almost happy the morning he knew he was going to get out, and smiled for probably the first time after Kaoru had gotten free. As he stepped through the gates into the bright daylight he first searched for Kaoru with his gaze, hoping he'd come to pick him up as promised.
Frowning slightly, he noticed that there was another car waiting for him, a car he recognized to belong to the gang he had been a part of. A couple of guys he knew distantly came from it, grinning at him like he was supposed to be honoured to see them there.
When Kaoru spotted Die stepping through the gate, he lifted his arm and was just about to shout his name when he noticed the black car and the three black-suits approaching the redhead. He couldn't believe it when they circled Die, patted his shoulder and guided him to the car. After all those months, witnessing this hurt him the most and he had to swallow dryly against the lump that arose in his throat. So Die had forgotten his promise, preferred the company of his clan over his. As the car took off, Kaoru turned around and something inside him broke.
"Die, the boss wants to see you," one of the guys in a black suit turned around in the front seat and addressed the redhead. His name was Takuya and before Die had been sent to prison, he had been a small fish. Obviously, he had been promoted meanwhile. Die didn't say much, only nodded at the words and stared out of the window. He spotted a familiar looking figure near a car parked a bit further, and as he recognized Kaoru his heart skipped. So he had remembered and had come to get him. He would've so much just wanted to tell the others to stop the car and get out and just run to his friend, but he knew better. It looked like his clan still had some plans for him and he would just have to follow and maybe try to contact Kaoru later, so that it wouldn't cause him any harm.
They took him directly to the mob boss' mansion and from there to his office. The man smiled at the redhead. "Daisuke. We're all glad to have you back. You've proven your toughness by surviving prison and I need guys like you. Get a suit and then Takuya will give you further instructions. Sorry, no vacation right now. We have quite a situation going on with the Kinza clan."
The redhead simply followed instructions, trying to do what he was told for the next few days. Inwardly he was aching, desperately trying to think of a way to contact Kaoru so that no one would notice.
It took almost a month, before the situation calmed down, and he was allowed to take a few days off. He had managed to find out Kaoru's address, and through several people he knew he managed to send him a short note that asked him to come to a small crappy hotel out of town. He didn't dare to attach his name to it even, and only hoped Kaoru would come, if not else then out of curiosity.
Kaoru stared at the piece of paper in his hands for several minutes. He had already written Die off, had tried to forget him. Emotionally, he had gone through various stages, from grief, anger over to numbness. Finally, he had admitted that life would still go on, although he didn't do anything about it. But as he had gotten this note, he instantly knew that it was from the redhead and he couldn't do anything else but to follow his invitation. Even if it was only to learn that the other had only used him to survive prison.
Not daring to take his own car, he used the train, busses and a taxi to get to this place, not sure if he was followed or not. Being in prison made one paranoid and knowing for what kind of people Die was working made him even more cautious. That was the reason why he took the small revolver he owned with him.
Die had arrived at the hotel hours before the time he had set in the note, anxiously taking care that no one knew he went there. He was rather positive no one would recognize him and that no one would be interested in what he was doing there. His heart was beating nervously, and he was almost shaking as he waited if the other man would come or not. He knew that it would break him if he wouldn't come.
Kaoru arrived three quarters late. The switching of rides had consumed a lot of time. But finally, he was walking down the dimly lit corridor, searching for the right room. When he had found it, he took a deep breath and slowly turned the handle. It was unlocked, just like he had predicted, and when he peeked inside, he saw a familiar figure sitting on the bed.
Quickly, Kaoru slid through the door and locked it behind him, but remained standing there, eying the other man suspiciously. "So, I'm here. What do you want?" The bitterness was clearly audible in his voice.
Die startled, turning to face the door. He had already thought the other wouldn't be coming, and had only staid out of pure desperation. The harsh tone in Kaoru's voice didn't offer him much hope, but he tried to smile a bit nevertheless. "I just wanted to see you."
"Good. You saw me. Can I go then?" Kaoru tried not to fall for the other's friendliness, tried to keep his heart from speeding up at the mere sight of him, from melting away under his smile.
For some reason the redhead felt like crying, as he had hoped the bond they had shared wouldn't have died. It seemed that he'd been wrong though. "If you want to." It hurt to say the words, but he didn't want the other to stay against his will either. "But I would appreciate if you staid. I missed you like hell."
"Damnit Die." Kaoru closed his eyes, leaning his head against the door behind him. "I fucking missed you too. But you didn't keep your promise. It's okay though. I hope you like your job."
"I didn't have much of a choice." Die sighed frustratedly. "If I'd gotten out of that car back then, it would've been a death sentence for you at worst. They still consider you an enemy."
Slowly, the smaller man nodded with closed eyes. He had known it all along, but would've hoped for a small sign, anything, to make him see that Die cared for him. Suddenly, his eyes snapped open and he locked his gaze at the other man. He still couldn't tell him how much he had been hurt, but he smiled faintly. "Can I hug you?"
The words caused slight warmth spread inside of the redhead, and he got up from his seat walking over to the other only to pull him into a warm embrace. He buried his face into the other's neck, inhaling the scent he'd missed so much. "I didn't lie when I said I missed you." He whispered, hoping the other would believe his sincerity.
"Neither did I." Instantly, Kaoru felt safe again, felt all the emotions he had tried to suppress crush him like a tidal wave and he had to fight hard not to cry. "I was worried about you," he finally admitted. It was the understatement of the century, because even though he had gotten rid of Yamada, he hadn't been sure if the trick had worked and kept the other inmates from touching Die.
"But you took care of me." Die smiled at the remembrance, hugging the other a bit tighter. "No one touched me."
"I didn't do anything." The smaller man shook his head. He felt insecure and didn't want to lose Die again by telling him what he did to keep him safe. It would show too much about his true feelings for the other and even a blind man would see that he had acted out of love and not friendship.
"I know you did." The redhead retreated a bit, to be able to look the other in the eye. "Thank you." He smiled thankfully, although in reality he just would've wanted to kiss the other right then and there.
"I couldn't stand the thought of somebody touching you." The words where barely audibly and Kaoru had to avert his gaze. If he had looked at Die, he would've just kissed him without giving it a second thought.
The words made Die feel warm, and he swallowed hard, looking away from the other so that he wouldn't just do something he hadn't thought through. "Thank you. I owe you my life."
Finally, Kaoru looked up, searching for the other man's gaze. "You don't owe me anything." He truly meant it. He didn't want Die to have the feeling of being in his depths. He just wanted him to love him. For free. But he knew that this was impossible. Everything that had happened inside the prison has been in another life. This here was reality.
Silently Die brought his hands up and stroke the other's cheeks with his thumbs. "If you say so." He smiled slightly, not able to hold back anymore as the confession slipped him before he even noticed. "It's good to meet you. I just love you so much. And I was afraid I'd never see you again."
The tears Kaoru had suppressed so far were filling his eyes and gave them a glossy shimmer. "You love me?" The words were spoken slowly, as if it was helping him to process their meaning. "Honestly?"
Die bit his lip for a moment, not sure what to say. He still didn't know for sure if Kaoru would return the feeling of not. He had confessed already though, and thought that it'd be no use to take it back. So he nodded slowly, smiling softly at the other. "I do. And I did already back then although I couldn't admit it."
"Then why don't you just kiss me?" A relieved smile spread on Kaoru's lips and he nodded a couple of times. When Die didn't make a move, he playfully hit his shoulder. "I love you too, idiot. Why else would I have allowed you to fuck me? Why would I have kissed you back then and why would I have gotten rid of Yamada for you? And now release me and give me the kiss I've been waiting for such a long time."
Die couldn't help but to chuckle, and shake his head at the other shortly. He didn't say anything though, and only leaned closer to initiate a gentle kiss. He still held his hands on each side of the Kaoru's head, moving them a bit to be able to entangle his fingers into his hair.
Automatically, Kaoru closed his eyes, relishing the feeling and the warmth the soft contact awoke in him. All that mattered now was that the other man was there with him, that he could finally hold him and that he was allowed to show
As the kiss broke, Die rested his forehead against the other's, smiling at him. "Happy now?" He just wanted to hold him for a moment, to share some moments with him before he needed to go. He knew that they would have to part in the morning latest, since he would have to get back to work and Kaoru would be at risk with him. And he wanted to protect the other with all he had.
"Yes." The smaller man nodded beaming, the shine in his eyes emphasizing the statement. But suddenly, he pursed his lips, pretending to ponder. "I know, I told you that you don't owe me anything, but that doesn't prevent you from giving certain things freewillingly." He was completely unaware of the redhead's thoughts and only wanted to enjoy his company which he had craved more than anything.
"I would give you anything I can." The redhead smiled, walking backwards towards the bed, dragging the other along. "And I still owe you something. It was part of the deal, remember?"
Kaoru's heart skipped a few beats and then bounced up and down in his chest. He had never thought that Die would actually give himself to him completely. Together, they fell down on the bed, both men chuckling a bit. But suddenly, Kaoru became serious, stroking the other's cheeks with his thumbs. "First, it hurts. But then, it feels damn good." He planted a short kiss on Die's lips. "But you don't have to..."
"I want to." Die smiled at the other, enjoying the soft touches on his cheeks. "I would do it even if we didn't have any damn deals." He really meant it, really wanted to give the other something special, something no one else would ever have.
For a few seconds, Kaoru didn't move at all, only looked at him intensely, still holding his head. Then, he smiled and spoke softly. "You have no idea how much that means to me. For how long I wanted to tell you that I fell in love with you." He bent down and gave the other man a short chaste kiss. "How many nights I lay awake and thought about your kisses." Blushing a bit embarrassed, he added. "And about other things."
"About other things?" Die couldn't help but to chuckle, the bubbling joy inside of him making him feel more alive than in a long time. He toyed with the other's hair, combing his fingers through it. "I only got through the last five months thinking of you. You know, the memory of you just kept me sane and made me go on."
"When those guys picked you up, I thought everything had been in vain. All the waiting good for nothing and all the hopes I had crushed at that very moment." Again, Kaoru kissed the other man, unable to do anything else but that and but to smile. "Thanks that you went away with them. I know you did it to protect me, although I stubbornly denied it."
"I only want to protect you." The redhead confessed, smiling softly. If one knew to look for it, there was a slight hint of melancholy in his eyes. There was nothing else he wanted more than the other's safety and happiness, and therefore he knew that they had to part soon. He couldn't risk to stay since his own situation was too complicated.
But he wanted to forget that for these moments, wanted to share some time with Kaoru and imagine how it'd be if they could always be together. He leaned closer to kiss him, long and deep, and after it ended he simply had to whisper the words again. "I love you. I honestly do."
Kaoru let some moments pass to relish the pleasant sensations those words stirred in him and then answered. "I love you too."
Wriggling a bit, he got out of the leather jacket he still wore and kicked off his shoes, nestling back against the other man. "Who could've known that being sent to prison would be the best thing that ever happened to me!" He stated with a soft smile before he slowly moved his hands to undo the buttons of Die's shirt, planting a tail of wet kisses on the revealed skin.
Die allowed himself to only stay still and enjoy the feelings for the current moment. "I wouldn't change it for anything." He stated softly with closed eyes, really meaning it. If he had to choose between going to prison and never meeting the other, he would definitely pick the prison.
"Me neither." The words were muffled because Kaoru still had his lips on his chest. When all the buttons were opened, he slipped his hands under the garment, slowly pushing it over the redhead's shoulders.
Die helped by lifting his upper body a bit so that the shirt could be discarded. His heartbeat was slowly increasing, and he moved his hands to the other man's shirt, wanting to feel his skin against his own.
Automatically, the smaller man stopped his advances and lifted his arms so that his shirt could be pulled over his head. Time and time again, he touched Die's body, ran his fingertips across the smooth skin or placed small kisses here and there, his heart beating quickly out of pure joy that he was allowed to do so.
The moment held some sort of magic in it, and Die didn't even talk so he wouldn't break it. He simply tried to imprint every touch, every movement they made against each other into his memory.
Carefully, Kaoru crawled to lie on top of him, their faces close to each other, lips almost touching. For a long moment, he stayed there like this, his hot breath ghosting over Die's cheeks, his eyes giving away the sincerity of his love for him. Then, after kissing him deeply, Kaoru left him and moved down to open the other's jeans, his lips marking every inch of skin as he slowly pulled down the zipper.
The redhead's chest was heaving slightly, and he had to swallow to try to calm himself a bit. His eyes never left Kaoru's form, as he wanted to see everything, imprint every detail in his memory so that he'd have something to remember. The slight melancholy faded to the background, but somehow still was present somewhere in the back of his skull, making him even more emotional.
Kaoru thought about all the things Die had endured just for him, to make sure he was safe. Somehow, he wanted to take those bad memories away from him, wanted to show him a glimpse of heaven where nothing bad existed. With a bit effort, he managed to tug the other's jeans down and couldn't deny himself from running the tip of his tongue along the turgid flesh he found there before dragging the garment off completely.
Die's mouth hung open in a silent gasp, as he had to close his eyes tight for a moment. When his pants were gone, he parted his legs slightly, making room for the other. Somehow the gesture held some higher meaning for him, as he wanted to give himself completely to the other, offer everything he was able to give. At the same time he offered his whole heart and soul, even though with no real words.
Once Die's pants were gone, Kaoru quickly got rid of his own, only to slow his movements again afterwards. He had to swallow hard when the other man parted his legs for him, offered himself and it caused him to close his eyes for a moment.
Gently, Kaoru placed his palms on the redhead's hips and lowered his head, slowly engulfing his whole length. If possible, he would've smiled when the awareness struck him that he had missed this, had missed the other man so badly, had missed providing him pleasure like this.
A low groan erupted from the redhead's throat, as a wave of pleasure coursed through his veins. He couldn't tear his eyes away, couldn't close them although he would've needed to blink. All his thoughts were directed towards the other man, as for the moment he simply lived for him.
Kaoru felt the other's gaze corporally and it caused him to look up, directly into those dark brown eyes. Like hypnotized, he kept the eye-contact while he began to suck tentatively, moving his tongue around the arousal and across the tip to increase the sensations.
Die couldn't hold back the constant flow of small groans that were spilling from his lips, but neither was he able to turn his gaze away. He looked deep into the other's eyes, until the pleasure took over completely and he wasn’t able to focus his gaze anymore.
Every groan that fell from the redhead's lips was answered by one from Kaoru. He could feel the other's pleasure as if it was his own and it caused his brains to shut down as the only thought that captured his mind was to get more of those sounds. This time, he wanted to be there when Die came, wanted to taste him, feel the shudder going through his body devolving on him.
It didn't take that long, and Die could feel himself nearing the edge so rapidly that there was nothing he could do to stop it. "Gods," An almost breathless gasp left him, as his body reached its limits. "I'm gonna..." From old habit maybe, he warned the other just before he was thrown over the edge, his body arching up as the pleasure coursed through him.
A soft sigh left Kaoru's lips as he heard the other man's words and then felt his mouth fill with his liquids. He swallowed everything, patiently waiting until the last drop had been spilled and then let him slip away slowly. Smiling, he bent up and pecked Die's parted lips. "You taste good." The words were spoken honestly, not to mock the other.
Die smiled tiredly, his face flushed and chest still heaving. "Thank you." The words held more in them though, as he simultaneously wanted to thank the other for being there, for loving him and for all he'd gone through with him.
A bit out of breath himself, Kaoru nodded smiling. "Welcome." He understood the deeper meaning, heard it in the other's tone, saw it in his eyes. Although he was painfully aroused, he didn't want to hurry and just enjoyed the display of pleasure on Die's face, softly tracing the line of his eyebrows with his fingertips.
The redhead allowed himself a short moment to recover, but then leaned up to place a soft kiss on the other's lips. "What about your share. It was me who owed you." The words came with a smile and a wink.
"I will have my share. There's no hurry." The words were merely a whisper and the smile that appeared on Kaoru's face tried to perfect the sun. "And believe me, I enjoy every moment of this."
But the other man was right, his arousal couldn't be denied for too long and so Kaoru brought two fingers to his mouth, covering them with saliva before guiding his hand between Die's legs to his butt where he inserted one first.
Although he had mentally prepared himself for what was to come, Die couldn't hold back a small gasp at the feeling. It felt mostly odd though, and he thought it wouldn't be that bad. Besides, he trusted the other, and he had said it'd feel bad at first but then become more pleasurable.
As Kaoru let the second finger follow, he moved his lips close to the other man's ear. "I know it's weird. It'll pass." Tilting his head, he initiated a deep kiss while scissoring his fingers, trying to make room for himself without hurting the other more than needed.
Die clung onto the kiss, and slowly he became used to the feeling of having something inside of him. He even had the time to think it kinda felt nice in a way, before the other's finger swept over something in him, causing a wave of pleasure to course through him. He clutched the other's shoulders, groaning incoherently as he wasn't able to form any real word.
The reaction made Kaoru smile and he swiftly pushed his fingers deeper again to repeat the feeling for the other man. The sound and shudder it earned made him groan lowly and he simply couldn't wait any longer. He broke the kiss, retreated his digits and spit in his hands, then coated his own arousal with saliva.
"Honestly, tell me when you can't bear it." Kaoru had to swallow to make his voice sound steady. Then, he lifted the other's pelvis a bit and carefully penetrated him. In no way had he been prepared for the pleasure the tightness around him caused, for the adjusting muscles that made him groan lowly.
The redhead wasn't able to hold back a strangled cry that left his throat as he was being filled. It felt like he was going to be ripped apart, and for a moment the pain filled his consciousness and he wasn't able to react in any way. The only things that kept him from telling the other to stop was that he really wanted this, and that he kept on telling himself it would get better eventually.
Kaoru felt him tense, knew what sort of pain he was going through and stilled his movements completely. In a desperate attempt to distract Die, to calm him down a bit, he showered his face with small kisses. "Shall I stop?" He had to clench his teeth though to get those words out, the urge to move and just thrust forward to find release almost too tempting.
The answer was a headshake. Die took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down and relax. Slowly the clenching of his muscles became less as he got used to the intrusion, and it felt like he might live through this after all.
When he opened his eyes and saw how the other looked at him with eyes full of emotion, he couldn't help but to smile. "Go on. I'll be fine." His voice was silent, as he didn't dare to try speak louder since he feared his voice might break.
A mixed wave of love and pleasure ran through Kaoru, soaked every molecule in him when he slowly began to move. He knew from experience that it would get better eventually and still remained close to the other man, kept his thrusts short and gentle to stretch him further. Never had he experienced pleasure like that, emotionally and physically as the tightness around him only enhanced the friction, sending electric laces of bliss through him.
At first the feeling was everything but nice, and Die couldn't help but to whimper a bit at the burning pain. Kaoru hadn't lied though, as after a while he was starting to feel better, to even enjoy the way he was filling him. He loved how they were so close to each other, how he was able to give himself completely to the other man in these few moments of unity.
When he noticed that Die relaxed more and more and the whimpers turned into quiet sighs, Kaoru picked up the pace and force of his thrusts a bit, retreating further. He tried to stay as close to the other man as possible otherwise, loved the feeling of their clammy skin against each other. The long period of abstinence served that he got lost in the pleasure soon and neared the edge steadily.
At one point the right spot inside of the redhead was struck again, and he released a loud, almost surprised groan as his eyes shot wide open. That feeling was more than blissful, and he wanted to get more of it, wanted the other to move in quicker and deeper. To encourage Kaoru to move, he loosely wrapped his legs around him, urging him silently.
Before the smaller man complied, he pecked Die's lips and asked grinning. "Feels good, doesn't it?" Glad that the other man was enjoying himself finally, he let go and allowed his body to move at the pace it needed. A loud cry escaped him when he had thrust in particularly deep and the muscles around his hardness seemed to grip it tightly.
Die screamed as well, the pleasure being almost too much, something he had never gone through before. His chest was heaving, as he tried to gasp for breath somewhere in between. It didn't feel that important though, all he needed was the man above him.
They were moving in almost perfect unison, Kaoru's thrusts aided by Die's legs around him. The further they went though, the closer they came to the peak, the less controlled their movements became. Everything seemed to be guided by the will to get closer, to reach deeper and feel more. At one point, Kaoru reached for the other's arousal, knowing that he couldn't hold out much longer.
It didn't take much, only the feeling of the other's hand on himself caused Die to see stars and his muscles spasm. He was unable to fight it any longer, and the climax hit him forcefully, bliss blinding everything else from his senses.
Kaoru only needed a few more thrusts, the increasing tightness around his member too much to bear. The desperately needed orgasm was accompanied by a husky moan as his whole consciousness seemed to cease for a few seconds, drowned out by utter pleasure as he released himself inside the other man. When the trembling of his body slowly faded, he simply collapsed, panting harshly to fill his lungs with air.
Die brought his arms around his shoulders, holding him against himself. He felt utterly content like never before, the remains of the bliss still lingering in him. He had to smile, since he felt oddly fulfilled, like this had been what he had needed to be complete.
Carefully, Kaoru backed himself up and pulled out, only to rest back against Die. When his respiration had almost normalized, a moronic smile appeared on his lips and he stretched his neck to plant a bunch of open mouthed kisses on he other's face. "Thank you." Was all he could come up with, the words not hardly enough to describe his gratitude. He just felt perfect, like he had found a missing link of his life which he had thought would be lost forever.
"I'm the one who should be thanking you." The redhead sighed, tilting his head so that he was able to capture the other's lips in a proper kiss. He couldn't believe that another human being was able to make him feel so good, so warm and so content.
Wrapping his arms around Die's neck, his fingers toying with a few of his strands, Kaoru brought himself even closer to him, pouring all his emotions into the kiss. And there, it came clear to him that he never wanted anybody else again, that this was where he belonged, lying in Die's arms.
Die's thoughts were heading the same way, as he knew he would never feel complete without the other. But he knew they wouldn't be able to stay together now, and that he still had to leave in the morning no matter if he wanted it or not. Although he tried not to think about it now, only concentrating on the blissful moment.
Author:
seinen_no and fonulynRating: NC17
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Comments:
seinen_no: Well, first of all I want to apologize that it took us so long to post this. It's my fault, but I have quite a good excuse. Work was/is stressy and I don't have much time at the moment. Well, I hope you enjoy this. I am a bit unsure of how it turned out, but you have to see for yourself. I hope it was worth waiting…
fonulyn: Well, I like this chapter, but it shouldn’t be a surprise since I like the whole dämn story x) Anyways, things are a bit different now that they’re not both locked into the same cell anymore :D And you have to read it if you want to know anything further. It’s nearing the end *dramatic drumming* but there still is a bit left after this chappie. Just read it :DPreviously happened: The walk of life, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7
Chapter 8: Long time no see
Kaoru managed to keep up the facade just as long as it took to catch a taxi, but then broke down in tears, not caring for the weird glances the driver cast at him. His whole mind was
directed at Die and the fact that he had to survive alone there. Of course he didn't go to the brothel, not even spared the opportunity a single thought. Instead, he dug out his mobile phone to make some important calls knowing that time was working against him.
Like in a dream Die made his way to the laundry room, mechanically doing his work and skipping dinner. He knew he would have to get back to the routines, but this first day he allowed himself to mourn. He managed to avoid all the possible attacks even. Later on he was so relieved to find out that Yamada had a free weekend, and so he would at least be left in peace for the first nights he had to be there without his friend. He cried himself to sleep though, emotionally tired and broken. Never in his life had he cried as much as now during his time in prison, and he knew that this could break a man completely.
After his nervous break down in the cab, Kaoru had no time to mourn and denied himself the further display of any emotionality. He had other things to focus on, had to pull some strings, demand some favors a few people owed him. He needed all night and half Saturday plus almost all his money, but finally succeeded. With more caffeine and tar than blood running through his veins, he could finally lay back and relax for he knew that at least Yamada would never harm Die anymore. At least not after Monday, because that would be the day of his death if everything went according to plan. The only thing Kaoru regretted was that he couldn't do it himself, that he wouldn't be there to watch him exhale for the last time.
The man whom he had sent to kill him was a professional, somebody who knew his job and he was hoping with all his might that nothing would cross his plans. Of course they never met and Kaoru had assigned him around five corners, covering the tracks that led to him thoroughly. The thought that Yamada could still have his ways with Die until Monday almost drove him insane, but there wasn't anything he could do about it now.
Die had been fearing for Monday to come, since that would be Yamada's first day at work after Kaoru had left. His heart shrunk even more in the morning when he saw the warden, who immediately winked at him and displayed his dirtiest grin. Die only hurried to work, trying to push the thought away.
But then, in the evening, it was common knowledge that the warden had been killed, and Die had never been so glad in his entire life about the death of a human being. When he heard of the way how Yamada had died, he instantly knew that Kaoru had something to do with it. The warden had been stabbed to death. Stabbed eleven times.
From that day on, nobody ever tried to lay hands on the redhead. Even in the showers, there were no dirty remarks, not even the attempt to assault him. Quite the contrary, the other inmates began to avoid Die as if he was poisoned. Only one time, a new entrant who had been imprisoned on that very Monday morning, winked at him covertly in passing by at breakfast. Of course Die had no idea that this was the man Kaoru had sent to kill Yamada and so it passed him by almost unnoticed.
Nervously, Kaoru had awaited the call of an acquaintance who would deliver the news of Yamada's passing. Nobody could sympathize the relief when he heard that everything had gone well. Now all he could do was to survive those five months which felt like an eternity until Die would be released.
He had to cover the time of waiting by finding a new job though for he had spent all his savings for the killer and didn't want to return to his former position in the Yakuza clan. Not that that would've been an option in the first place for his boss would probably kill him the moment he stepped through the door.
The time passed by slowly, so slowly that it seemed to stand still. The peace made it easier though, since now Die didn't have to fight for himself, and he only had to concentrate on the daily routines. He assumed that Kaoru had something to do with making it easier for him, and he was honestly grateful and wondered what it had taken him to make this happen.
Not a single day passed without Die thinking of his friend, and he knew that he had developed stronger feelings towards him than he'd ever felt for anyone. And he still counted minutes till he would be released, only hoping he would see the other again then.
After letting an adequate amount of time pass, Kaoru wrote the promised letter to his friend. In his mind, he was thinking about the other man differently though. Die wasn't his friend anymore, he was his lover; had been for a long time already. Still, he couldn't know if Die felt more than honest friendship and even if it was, and had always been, only that, Kaoru would've still given everything to protect him.
However, knowing that every letter which was sent to prison would be read, he could only write a few common lines, telling Die that he was okay, to keep his head above water and that he still was willing to keep his promise. In the end though, Kaoru couldn't deny himself to say that he missed his friend. What he couldn't tell him though was how desperate he actually missed him. So much that he didn't seek the company of women like he had predicted, but instead, only thought about the other man while quietly gratifying himself. Everything else would have felt like cheating.
Die treasured the small notes he got from the other and kept them under his pillow, reading them over and over again until he knew them by heart, remembered the shape of each letter and the way the paper had been crumpled. Those letters were what made him go on when it was hard, made him get up in the morning when everything seemed to crush him. And slowly the time passed and the date of his freedom came closer, and instantly the life returned to his eyes as he thought he would be able to meet Kaoru again, so see him and to hug him, maybe kiss him and hold him if he was lucky enough.
Until the date of Die's release, Kaoru had lived his life like a robot, had worked several small jobs to survive. Otherwise, he had hidden in his apartment, unable to enjoy the freedom without the other man. He had been counting hours and minutes and only a couple of days before Die's release, Kaoru became dead nervous. How would it be? What would he say? And was the bond that had grown between them still there after such a long time? His heart was beating so quickly, his thoughts racing with all those questions that he couldn't sleep, couldn't calm down until the final day came.
Die was almost happy the morning he knew he was going to get out, and smiled for probably the first time after Kaoru had gotten free. As he stepped through the gates into the bright daylight he first searched for Kaoru with his gaze, hoping he'd come to pick him up as promised.
Frowning slightly, he noticed that there was another car waiting for him, a car he recognized to belong to the gang he had been a part of. A couple of guys he knew distantly came from it, grinning at him like he was supposed to be honoured to see them there.
When Kaoru spotted Die stepping through the gate, he lifted his arm and was just about to shout his name when he noticed the black car and the three black-suits approaching the redhead. He couldn't believe it when they circled Die, patted his shoulder and guided him to the car. After all those months, witnessing this hurt him the most and he had to swallow dryly against the lump that arose in his throat. So Die had forgotten his promise, preferred the company of his clan over his. As the car took off, Kaoru turned around and something inside him broke.
"Die, the boss wants to see you," one of the guys in a black suit turned around in the front seat and addressed the redhead. His name was Takuya and before Die had been sent to prison, he had been a small fish. Obviously, he had been promoted meanwhile. Die didn't say much, only nodded at the words and stared out of the window. He spotted a familiar looking figure near a car parked a bit further, and as he recognized Kaoru his heart skipped. So he had remembered and had come to get him. He would've so much just wanted to tell the others to stop the car and get out and just run to his friend, but he knew better. It looked like his clan still had some plans for him and he would just have to follow and maybe try to contact Kaoru later, so that it wouldn't cause him any harm.
They took him directly to the mob boss' mansion and from there to his office. The man smiled at the redhead. "Daisuke. We're all glad to have you back. You've proven your toughness by surviving prison and I need guys like you. Get a suit and then Takuya will give you further instructions. Sorry, no vacation right now. We have quite a situation going on with the Kinza clan."
The redhead simply followed instructions, trying to do what he was told for the next few days. Inwardly he was aching, desperately trying to think of a way to contact Kaoru so that no one would notice.
It took almost a month, before the situation calmed down, and he was allowed to take a few days off. He had managed to find out Kaoru's address, and through several people he knew he managed to send him a short note that asked him to come to a small crappy hotel out of town. He didn't dare to attach his name to it even, and only hoped Kaoru would come, if not else then out of curiosity.
Kaoru stared at the piece of paper in his hands for several minutes. He had already written Die off, had tried to forget him. Emotionally, he had gone through various stages, from grief, anger over to numbness. Finally, he had admitted that life would still go on, although he didn't do anything about it. But as he had gotten this note, he instantly knew that it was from the redhead and he couldn't do anything else but to follow his invitation. Even if it was only to learn that the other had only used him to survive prison.
Not daring to take his own car, he used the train, busses and a taxi to get to this place, not sure if he was followed or not. Being in prison made one paranoid and knowing for what kind of people Die was working made him even more cautious. That was the reason why he took the small revolver he owned with him.
Die had arrived at the hotel hours before the time he had set in the note, anxiously taking care that no one knew he went there. He was rather positive no one would recognize him and that no one would be interested in what he was doing there. His heart was beating nervously, and he was almost shaking as he waited if the other man would come or not. He knew that it would break him if he wouldn't come.
Kaoru arrived three quarters late. The switching of rides had consumed a lot of time. But finally, he was walking down the dimly lit corridor, searching for the right room. When he had found it, he took a deep breath and slowly turned the handle. It was unlocked, just like he had predicted, and when he peeked inside, he saw a familiar figure sitting on the bed.
Quickly, Kaoru slid through the door and locked it behind him, but remained standing there, eying the other man suspiciously. "So, I'm here. What do you want?" The bitterness was clearly audible in his voice.
Die startled, turning to face the door. He had already thought the other wouldn't be coming, and had only staid out of pure desperation. The harsh tone in Kaoru's voice didn't offer him much hope, but he tried to smile a bit nevertheless. "I just wanted to see you."
"Good. You saw me. Can I go then?" Kaoru tried not to fall for the other's friendliness, tried to keep his heart from speeding up at the mere sight of him, from melting away under his smile.
For some reason the redhead felt like crying, as he had hoped the bond they had shared wouldn't have died. It seemed that he'd been wrong though. "If you want to." It hurt to say the words, but he didn't want the other to stay against his will either. "But I would appreciate if you staid. I missed you like hell."
"Damnit Die." Kaoru closed his eyes, leaning his head against the door behind him. "I fucking missed you too. But you didn't keep your promise. It's okay though. I hope you like your job."
"I didn't have much of a choice." Die sighed frustratedly. "If I'd gotten out of that car back then, it would've been a death sentence for you at worst. They still consider you an enemy."
Slowly, the smaller man nodded with closed eyes. He had known it all along, but would've hoped for a small sign, anything, to make him see that Die cared for him. Suddenly, his eyes snapped open and he locked his gaze at the other man. He still couldn't tell him how much he had been hurt, but he smiled faintly. "Can I hug you?"
The words caused slight warmth spread inside of the redhead, and he got up from his seat walking over to the other only to pull him into a warm embrace. He buried his face into the other's neck, inhaling the scent he'd missed so much. "I didn't lie when I said I missed you." He whispered, hoping the other would believe his sincerity.
"Neither did I." Instantly, Kaoru felt safe again, felt all the emotions he had tried to suppress crush him like a tidal wave and he had to fight hard not to cry. "I was worried about you," he finally admitted. It was the understatement of the century, because even though he had gotten rid of Yamada, he hadn't been sure if the trick had worked and kept the other inmates from touching Die.
"But you took care of me." Die smiled at the remembrance, hugging the other a bit tighter. "No one touched me."
"I didn't do anything." The smaller man shook his head. He felt insecure and didn't want to lose Die again by telling him what he did to keep him safe. It would show too much about his true feelings for the other and even a blind man would see that he had acted out of love and not friendship.
"I know you did." The redhead retreated a bit, to be able to look the other in the eye. "Thank you." He smiled thankfully, although in reality he just would've wanted to kiss the other right then and there.
"I couldn't stand the thought of somebody touching you." The words where barely audibly and Kaoru had to avert his gaze. If he had looked at Die, he would've just kissed him without giving it a second thought.
The words made Die feel warm, and he swallowed hard, looking away from the other so that he wouldn't just do something he hadn't thought through. "Thank you. I owe you my life."
Finally, Kaoru looked up, searching for the other man's gaze. "You don't owe me anything." He truly meant it. He didn't want Die to have the feeling of being in his depths. He just wanted him to love him. For free. But he knew that this was impossible. Everything that had happened inside the prison has been in another life. This here was reality.
Silently Die brought his hands up and stroke the other's cheeks with his thumbs. "If you say so." He smiled slightly, not able to hold back anymore as the confession slipped him before he even noticed. "It's good to meet you. I just love you so much. And I was afraid I'd never see you again."
The tears Kaoru had suppressed so far were filling his eyes and gave them a glossy shimmer. "You love me?" The words were spoken slowly, as if it was helping him to process their meaning. "Honestly?"
Die bit his lip for a moment, not sure what to say. He still didn't know for sure if Kaoru would return the feeling of not. He had confessed already though, and thought that it'd be no use to take it back. So he nodded slowly, smiling softly at the other. "I do. And I did already back then although I couldn't admit it."
"Then why don't you just kiss me?" A relieved smile spread on Kaoru's lips and he nodded a couple of times. When Die didn't make a move, he playfully hit his shoulder. "I love you too, idiot. Why else would I have allowed you to fuck me? Why would I have kissed you back then and why would I have gotten rid of Yamada for you? And now release me and give me the kiss I've been waiting for such a long time."
Die couldn't help but to chuckle, and shake his head at the other shortly. He didn't say anything though, and only leaned closer to initiate a gentle kiss. He still held his hands on each side of the Kaoru's head, moving them a bit to be able to entangle his fingers into his hair.
Automatically, Kaoru closed his eyes, relishing the feeling and the warmth the soft contact awoke in him. All that mattered now was that the other man was there with him, that he could finally hold him and that he was allowed to show
As the kiss broke, Die rested his forehead against the other's, smiling at him. "Happy now?" He just wanted to hold him for a moment, to share some moments with him before he needed to go. He knew that they would have to part in the morning latest, since he would have to get back to work and Kaoru would be at risk with him. And he wanted to protect the other with all he had.
"Yes." The smaller man nodded beaming, the shine in his eyes emphasizing the statement. But suddenly, he pursed his lips, pretending to ponder. "I know, I told you that you don't owe me anything, but that doesn't prevent you from giving certain things freewillingly." He was completely unaware of the redhead's thoughts and only wanted to enjoy his company which he had craved more than anything.
"I would give you anything I can." The redhead smiled, walking backwards towards the bed, dragging the other along. "And I still owe you something. It was part of the deal, remember?"
Kaoru's heart skipped a few beats and then bounced up and down in his chest. He had never thought that Die would actually give himself to him completely. Together, they fell down on the bed, both men chuckling a bit. But suddenly, Kaoru became serious, stroking the other's cheeks with his thumbs. "First, it hurts. But then, it feels damn good." He planted a short kiss on Die's lips. "But you don't have to..."
"I want to." Die smiled at the other, enjoying the soft touches on his cheeks. "I would do it even if we didn't have any damn deals." He really meant it, really wanted to give the other something special, something no one else would ever have.
For a few seconds, Kaoru didn't move at all, only looked at him intensely, still holding his head. Then, he smiled and spoke softly. "You have no idea how much that means to me. For how long I wanted to tell you that I fell in love with you." He bent down and gave the other man a short chaste kiss. "How many nights I lay awake and thought about your kisses." Blushing a bit embarrassed, he added. "And about other things."
"About other things?" Die couldn't help but to chuckle, the bubbling joy inside of him making him feel more alive than in a long time. He toyed with the other's hair, combing his fingers through it. "I only got through the last five months thinking of you. You know, the memory of you just kept me sane and made me go on."
"When those guys picked you up, I thought everything had been in vain. All the waiting good for nothing and all the hopes I had crushed at that very moment." Again, Kaoru kissed the other man, unable to do anything else but that and but to smile. "Thanks that you went away with them. I know you did it to protect me, although I stubbornly denied it."
"I only want to protect you." The redhead confessed, smiling softly. If one knew to look for it, there was a slight hint of melancholy in his eyes. There was nothing else he wanted more than the other's safety and happiness, and therefore he knew that they had to part soon. He couldn't risk to stay since his own situation was too complicated.
But he wanted to forget that for these moments, wanted to share some time with Kaoru and imagine how it'd be if they could always be together. He leaned closer to kiss him, long and deep, and after it ended he simply had to whisper the words again. "I love you. I honestly do."
Kaoru let some moments pass to relish the pleasant sensations those words stirred in him and then answered. "I love you too."
Wriggling a bit, he got out of the leather jacket he still wore and kicked off his shoes, nestling back against the other man. "Who could've known that being sent to prison would be the best thing that ever happened to me!" He stated with a soft smile before he slowly moved his hands to undo the buttons of Die's shirt, planting a tail of wet kisses on the revealed skin.
Die allowed himself to only stay still and enjoy the feelings for the current moment. "I wouldn't change it for anything." He stated softly with closed eyes, really meaning it. If he had to choose between going to prison and never meeting the other, he would definitely pick the prison.
"Me neither." The words were muffled because Kaoru still had his lips on his chest. When all the buttons were opened, he slipped his hands under the garment, slowly pushing it over the redhead's shoulders.
Die helped by lifting his upper body a bit so that the shirt could be discarded. His heartbeat was slowly increasing, and he moved his hands to the other man's shirt, wanting to feel his skin against his own.
Automatically, the smaller man stopped his advances and lifted his arms so that his shirt could be pulled over his head. Time and time again, he touched Die's body, ran his fingertips across the smooth skin or placed small kisses here and there, his heart beating quickly out of pure joy that he was allowed to do so.
The moment held some sort of magic in it, and Die didn't even talk so he wouldn't break it. He simply tried to imprint every touch, every movement they made against each other into his memory.
Carefully, Kaoru crawled to lie on top of him, their faces close to each other, lips almost touching. For a long moment, he stayed there like this, his hot breath ghosting over Die's cheeks, his eyes giving away the sincerity of his love for him. Then, after kissing him deeply, Kaoru left him and moved down to open the other's jeans, his lips marking every inch of skin as he slowly pulled down the zipper.
The redhead's chest was heaving slightly, and he had to swallow to try to calm himself a bit. His eyes never left Kaoru's form, as he wanted to see everything, imprint every detail in his memory so that he'd have something to remember. The slight melancholy faded to the background, but somehow still was present somewhere in the back of his skull, making him even more emotional.
Kaoru thought about all the things Die had endured just for him, to make sure he was safe. Somehow, he wanted to take those bad memories away from him, wanted to show him a glimpse of heaven where nothing bad existed. With a bit effort, he managed to tug the other's jeans down and couldn't deny himself from running the tip of his tongue along the turgid flesh he found there before dragging the garment off completely.
Die's mouth hung open in a silent gasp, as he had to close his eyes tight for a moment. When his pants were gone, he parted his legs slightly, making room for the other. Somehow the gesture held some higher meaning for him, as he wanted to give himself completely to the other, offer everything he was able to give. At the same time he offered his whole heart and soul, even though with no real words.
Once Die's pants were gone, Kaoru quickly got rid of his own, only to slow his movements again afterwards. He had to swallow hard when the other man parted his legs for him, offered himself and it caused him to close his eyes for a moment.
Gently, Kaoru placed his palms on the redhead's hips and lowered his head, slowly engulfing his whole length. If possible, he would've smiled when the awareness struck him that he had missed this, had missed the other man so badly, had missed providing him pleasure like this.
A low groan erupted from the redhead's throat, as a wave of pleasure coursed through his veins. He couldn't tear his eyes away, couldn't close them although he would've needed to blink. All his thoughts were directed towards the other man, as for the moment he simply lived for him.
Kaoru felt the other's gaze corporally and it caused him to look up, directly into those dark brown eyes. Like hypnotized, he kept the eye-contact while he began to suck tentatively, moving his tongue around the arousal and across the tip to increase the sensations.
Die couldn't hold back the constant flow of small groans that were spilling from his lips, but neither was he able to turn his gaze away. He looked deep into the other's eyes, until the pleasure took over completely and he wasn’t able to focus his gaze anymore.
Every groan that fell from the redhead's lips was answered by one from Kaoru. He could feel the other's pleasure as if it was his own and it caused his brains to shut down as the only thought that captured his mind was to get more of those sounds. This time, he wanted to be there when Die came, wanted to taste him, feel the shudder going through his body devolving on him.
It didn't take that long, and Die could feel himself nearing the edge so rapidly that there was nothing he could do to stop it. "Gods," An almost breathless gasp left him, as his body reached its limits. "I'm gonna..." From old habit maybe, he warned the other just before he was thrown over the edge, his body arching up as the pleasure coursed through him.
A soft sigh left Kaoru's lips as he heard the other man's words and then felt his mouth fill with his liquids. He swallowed everything, patiently waiting until the last drop had been spilled and then let him slip away slowly. Smiling, he bent up and pecked Die's parted lips. "You taste good." The words were spoken honestly, not to mock the other.
Die smiled tiredly, his face flushed and chest still heaving. "Thank you." The words held more in them though, as he simultaneously wanted to thank the other for being there, for loving him and for all he'd gone through with him.
A bit out of breath himself, Kaoru nodded smiling. "Welcome." He understood the deeper meaning, heard it in the other's tone, saw it in his eyes. Although he was painfully aroused, he didn't want to hurry and just enjoyed the display of pleasure on Die's face, softly tracing the line of his eyebrows with his fingertips.
The redhead allowed himself a short moment to recover, but then leaned up to place a soft kiss on the other's lips. "What about your share. It was me who owed you." The words came with a smile and a wink.
"I will have my share. There's no hurry." The words were merely a whisper and the smile that appeared on Kaoru's face tried to perfect the sun. "And believe me, I enjoy every moment of this."
But the other man was right, his arousal couldn't be denied for too long and so Kaoru brought two fingers to his mouth, covering them with saliva before guiding his hand between Die's legs to his butt where he inserted one first.
Although he had mentally prepared himself for what was to come, Die couldn't hold back a small gasp at the feeling. It felt mostly odd though, and he thought it wouldn't be that bad. Besides, he trusted the other, and he had said it'd feel bad at first but then become more pleasurable.
As Kaoru let the second finger follow, he moved his lips close to the other man's ear. "I know it's weird. It'll pass." Tilting his head, he initiated a deep kiss while scissoring his fingers, trying to make room for himself without hurting the other more than needed.
Die clung onto the kiss, and slowly he became used to the feeling of having something inside of him. He even had the time to think it kinda felt nice in a way, before the other's finger swept over something in him, causing a wave of pleasure to course through him. He clutched the other's shoulders, groaning incoherently as he wasn't able to form any real word.
The reaction made Kaoru smile and he swiftly pushed his fingers deeper again to repeat the feeling for the other man. The sound and shudder it earned made him groan lowly and he simply couldn't wait any longer. He broke the kiss, retreated his digits and spit in his hands, then coated his own arousal with saliva.
"Honestly, tell me when you can't bear it." Kaoru had to swallow to make his voice sound steady. Then, he lifted the other's pelvis a bit and carefully penetrated him. In no way had he been prepared for the pleasure the tightness around him caused, for the adjusting muscles that made him groan lowly.
The redhead wasn't able to hold back a strangled cry that left his throat as he was being filled. It felt like he was going to be ripped apart, and for a moment the pain filled his consciousness and he wasn't able to react in any way. The only things that kept him from telling the other to stop was that he really wanted this, and that he kept on telling himself it would get better eventually.
Kaoru felt him tense, knew what sort of pain he was going through and stilled his movements completely. In a desperate attempt to distract Die, to calm him down a bit, he showered his face with small kisses. "Shall I stop?" He had to clench his teeth though to get those words out, the urge to move and just thrust forward to find release almost too tempting.
The answer was a headshake. Die took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down and relax. Slowly the clenching of his muscles became less as he got used to the intrusion, and it felt like he might live through this after all.
When he opened his eyes and saw how the other looked at him with eyes full of emotion, he couldn't help but to smile. "Go on. I'll be fine." His voice was silent, as he didn't dare to try speak louder since he feared his voice might break.
A mixed wave of love and pleasure ran through Kaoru, soaked every molecule in him when he slowly began to move. He knew from experience that it would get better eventually and still remained close to the other man, kept his thrusts short and gentle to stretch him further. Never had he experienced pleasure like that, emotionally and physically as the tightness around him only enhanced the friction, sending electric laces of bliss through him.
At first the feeling was everything but nice, and Die couldn't help but to whimper a bit at the burning pain. Kaoru hadn't lied though, as after a while he was starting to feel better, to even enjoy the way he was filling him. He loved how they were so close to each other, how he was able to give himself completely to the other man in these few moments of unity.
When he noticed that Die relaxed more and more and the whimpers turned into quiet sighs, Kaoru picked up the pace and force of his thrusts a bit, retreating further. He tried to stay as close to the other man as possible otherwise, loved the feeling of their clammy skin against each other. The long period of abstinence served that he got lost in the pleasure soon and neared the edge steadily.
At one point the right spot inside of the redhead was struck again, and he released a loud, almost surprised groan as his eyes shot wide open. That feeling was more than blissful, and he wanted to get more of it, wanted the other to move in quicker and deeper. To encourage Kaoru to move, he loosely wrapped his legs around him, urging him silently.
Before the smaller man complied, he pecked Die's lips and asked grinning. "Feels good, doesn't it?" Glad that the other man was enjoying himself finally, he let go and allowed his body to move at the pace it needed. A loud cry escaped him when he had thrust in particularly deep and the muscles around his hardness seemed to grip it tightly.
Die screamed as well, the pleasure being almost too much, something he had never gone through before. His chest was heaving, as he tried to gasp for breath somewhere in between. It didn't feel that important though, all he needed was the man above him.
They were moving in almost perfect unison, Kaoru's thrusts aided by Die's legs around him. The further they went though, the closer they came to the peak, the less controlled their movements became. Everything seemed to be guided by the will to get closer, to reach deeper and feel more. At one point, Kaoru reached for the other's arousal, knowing that he couldn't hold out much longer.
It didn't take much, only the feeling of the other's hand on himself caused Die to see stars and his muscles spasm. He was unable to fight it any longer, and the climax hit him forcefully, bliss blinding everything else from his senses.
Kaoru only needed a few more thrusts, the increasing tightness around his member too much to bear. The desperately needed orgasm was accompanied by a husky moan as his whole consciousness seemed to cease for a few seconds, drowned out by utter pleasure as he released himself inside the other man. When the trembling of his body slowly faded, he simply collapsed, panting harshly to fill his lungs with air.
Die brought his arms around his shoulders, holding him against himself. He felt utterly content like never before, the remains of the bliss still lingering in him. He had to smile, since he felt oddly fulfilled, like this had been what he had needed to be complete.
Carefully, Kaoru backed himself up and pulled out, only to rest back against Die. When his respiration had almost normalized, a moronic smile appeared on his lips and he stretched his neck to plant a bunch of open mouthed kisses on he other's face. "Thank you." Was all he could come up with, the words not hardly enough to describe his gratitude. He just felt perfect, like he had found a missing link of his life which he had thought would be lost forever.
"I'm the one who should be thanking you." The redhead sighed, tilting his head so that he was able to capture the other's lips in a proper kiss. He couldn't believe that another human being was able to make him feel so good, so warm and so content.
Wrapping his arms around Die's neck, his fingers toying with a few of his strands, Kaoru brought himself even closer to him, pouring all his emotions into the kiss. And there, it came clear to him that he never wanted anybody else again, that this was where he belonged, lying in Die's arms.
Die's thoughts were heading the same way, as he knew he would never feel complete without the other. But he knew they wouldn't be able to stay together now, and that he still had to leave in the morning no matter if he wanted it or not. Although he tried not to think about it now, only concentrating on the blissful moment.