rabenhorst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 10:44 pm
rabenhorst) wrote2007-05-31 10:44 pm
(no subject)
Title: With a little help from my friend, Chapter three; The End?
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seinen_no and fonulyn
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Comments: This is short. But the story needed to be divided this way :D And the last part will be considerably longer.
seinen_no: Hi, it's us again. Don't expect a clever comment for we both are heavily drugged. And we don't care what you're thinking now. As for me, I hate dentists, that's all I'm saying XD
fonulyn: Yeah, both heavily drugged. I think I’ll go find some more painkillers. So make us happy by commenting meanwhile :D
Previous parts can be found here:
With a little help from my friend
Part II
The End?
Something changed after that first day. It had been expected, since there really was no way to go back to what had been before, but somehow they managed to live with it. They developed a way to act somewhat naturally around each other, although they avoided everything spontaneous that might've caused awkward situations. The other three noticed it, but kept quiet since technically nothing had changed and they still worked together as well as hung out in the evenings all five of them.
Slowly the tour came to an end, leaving them to spend less time with each other, and both Die and Kaoru used the time to simply think. Both were determined to do their best to save the friendship at least, and after some time Kaoru suggested that they'd all gather at his place and watch a movie. Shinya and Toshiya had to say 'no' though, both had their reasons, but as Kyo was willing to come the guitarists were relieved they wouldn't have to be alone with each other. And as the day came, Die found himself standing at the lead guitarist's doorstep, nervously changing his weight from one foot to another.
Although the vocalist would come as well, Kaoru still was nervous and barely able to hide it. He had compensated the feeling by cleaning up his flat and it was shining and awfully clean, very much unlike the usual. When he took a look around, he had to admit that the others would probably notice that he had been tidying all day. Afraid that this would cause uncomfortable questions, he quickly threw some papers on the dining table, filled a mug with some Coke and placed it next to his phone, as if he had accidentally forgotten it there.
Just when he was about to drop a jacket and some clean laundry on a chair, it knocked on his door. Expecting Kyo, he rushed to open it, freezing in the movement when he beheld Die. However, Kaoru quickly got a grip on himself again and smiled. "Hi, you're the first. Come in." It had rained all day and even though Die held an umbrella in his hands, his legs and jacket were wet.
"Hi." The redhead smiled back, utterly nervous as soon as the other said there was no one else there. He stepped in though, since he didn't have many choices. He placed his umbrella beside the wall, kicking off his shoes. "Heard anything from Kyo?"
"Nope. He probably missed his train." The older guitarist eyed him for a moment contemplatively, then quickly tried to distract himself. "Want something to drink?"
"Yeah, it would be nice." Die smiled, following him to the living room. He instantly noticed the other had been cleaning, but didn't comment on it and instead plopped to sit on the couch. "What movie are we watching?"
"I put some on the couch table," Kaoru answered from the kitchen. "There's a bit of everything." He took his time with pouring the drinks, but eventually had to return, praying that Kyo would show up soon. To be honest, Kaoru had made peace with his feelings towards the other man. It had taken him a good deal of time and thinking, but he had come to the conclusion that he had fallen for his best friend, no matter from which side one looked at it. However, he as well had sworn to himself not to do anything about it for he feared to lose the other completely then and to endanger the band.
"I see." The younger man leaned closer, taking a few DVDs in his hands and pretended that he was examining those. In reality he saw right through them though, and just wanted to have something to do to cover his nervousness. He had thought that he could act normally around Kaoru again, but as soon as they were alone all his insecurities were back and he didn't know how to react to anything.
A huge smile plastered to his lips, Kaoru brought the drinks and flopped down on the couch, leaving a lot of safety distance between himself and his friend. "There's some good action ones. At least Toshi said so. He..." At that moment, the phone rang and he jumped up to get it.
"Maybe it's Toshi or Shin and they're coming after all." Die looked up, a hopeful glimmer in his eyes.
"Maybe." The older man didn't share his hopes and quickly picked up the phone. After beginning the call with a normal tone, he became more and more quiet throughout the conversation. Finally, he dropped the phone, his features petrified.
The smile he wore when he returned was obviously forced and so was the cheerie undertone in his voice. "Kyo can't come. Something with one of his friends," he explained, chuckling artificially. "Now it's only us who have to agree upon a movie. No endless discussions why we don't want to watch Evil dead for like the hundredth time."
The redhead forced his terrified expression away, chuckling slightly. "Well, that's a good thing. So, what would you want to see?" Inwardly he was cursing and screaming, swearing he'd kill their vocalist one day. Then he tried to calm himself down by saying to himself that this wouldn't be so bad. They had watched dozens of films together before, so why shouldn't this work?
Kaoru had similar thoughts and one look at the huge gap between them, both of them leaning against the furthermost corners, it became quite clear that this was different from their usual DVD-evenings. "You're my guest, you decide." Somehow even his voice betrayed him by sounding higher than usual and oddly distorted.
Blindly the younger man picked the first movie he happened to reach, showing the cover to the other without looking first. "This?" He simply didn't care that much.
"Fine with me." The lead guitarist shrugged and reached out his hand to receive the DVD from his friend. However, his hand slightly touched the other's and that already caused him to flinch and withdraw it. He tried to save the situation by winking. "Or then, you know how it works ne?"
"What?" Die hadn't been listening, but realized soon what the other meant. "Oh, well, yeah." He got up, put the DVD in before coming back to his seat, carefully leaning as far from his friend as possible.
Usually, Kaoru would've gotten comfortable, sinking deep into the cushions while stretching out his legs on the couch. This time, he put his feet on the table in front of him, carefully avoiding getting too close. Although it was only late afternoon, it was already dark outside and still pouring. The small light on the TV along with the flickering screen created an odd mood inside the room. To have something to hold on to, he lit a cigarette, offering Die one as well by holding up the package a bit, waving it.
Nodding thankfully the redhead took one, concentrating only on smoking for a moment. He kept his eyes mostly on the screen, not realizing anything about the movie though. And he couldn't help but to glance at the other from the corner of his eyes every now and then.
Since Kaoru did the same, peeking at him every now and then, it was inevitable that their gazes met once. Quickly, both of them turned to look at something else. Kaoru decided to reach for his drink, accidentally taking Die's glass without noticing it.
The younger's thoughts headed similar way, since he reached for his drink as well a moment later and froze in his movement as he noticed the other had the glass.
"Something wrong?" Kaoru asked puzzled when he noticed Die staring at him openly.
Silently Die pointed at the glass. "I guess that's mine."
The other's mouth formed a perfect 'O' and then an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I must have mistaken it for mine." It wasn't quite likely since Die had a beer while Kaoru had decided to go for Coke. He hadn't even noticed difference.
"You can have it." The redhead smiled slightly, but still didn't turn back at the movie and kept on staring at the other.
His eyes seemed to pierce the older man and made him squirm uncomfortably. Kaoru felt as if Die could read him like an open book. As a cover up, he shook his head, holding the glass towards the other. "No, it's okay. I'll fetch myself a beer."
Instinctively Die reached his hand for the beer. "Okay." But he froze again as their fingertips touched. Inwardly he cursed again, he wasn't supposed to be acting like this. He had decided he could deal with this, so there should be no problem anymore. Besides, Kaoru had confirmed that they were still friends.
Completely oblivious towards the running movie, the lead guitarist yanked his hand away from the glass and jumped up. "I'll get the beer." His heart was pounding loudly in his chest and he had no idea why he couldn't just act normally towards Die. In the safety of the kitchen, he pressed his forehead against the fridge's door with closed eyes.
Meanwhile the younger guitarist almost managed to drop the beer to the floor, but got a grip of it in the nick of time. Downing it all in one huge gulp he sighed in deep, closing his eyes and trying to force himself to calm down.
After what seemed to have been an eternity, Kaoru finally returned with two bottles of beer. He had told himself that if he wanted things to work out between them, as friends, he had to act more like a reasonable adult and less like an insecure teenager. "I thought you'd want a new one," he explained smiling and handed Die the bottle. "After I drank half of yours."
"Thanks." Die managed to smile, and took the offered bottle. He didn't know what to do, and insecurely averted his gaze, taking a long sip of the beer.
Somehow, both men managed to concentrate on the movie again. Like in silent stipulation, they were still glancing at each other covertly from the corners of their eyes, yet never at the same time. When Die had taken a sip from his bottle and a shiny wet drop remained on his bottom lip, Kaoru had to close his eyes for a second. All his thoughts were mixed up and ended in the imagination how it would be like to kiss the other again, to re-enact the night of passion they had shared. However, those were thoughts he had forbidden himself to think and he shook his head to get rid of them.
Unaware of the other's thoughts, Die forced himself to keep his eyes on the screen. He simply didn't want to look at the other as each glance brought the past happenings to his mind. And he feared that if he'd look at the other now he'd throw himself to his feet and beg him to take him again. Or if not that much, then at least kiss him again. Swallowing hard he licked his lips that seemed to be constantly dry, trying to act natural.
It all felt so unreal, as if Kaoru had left his body and was looking down at both of them from up above. Even though he had tried to deny it, had tried to make himself believe they could just remain friends, he was proven wrong right at that moment. When he accidentally glanced at the other again, witnessing him licking his lips, it became too much. Yes, he wanted more than friendship, wanted to feel him again and if it had been a perfect world, Die would now confess his love. However, the world was far from being perfect and before Kaoru could do something stupid that would destroy the last remains of trust they had, he got up again, excused himself and rushed to the bathroom.
Puzzled, the younger man looked after the other who had just mumbled something and rushed off. A part of him was relieved though, that he got to be alone for a moment. He let his head fall against the backrest of the couch, and closed his eyes. Soon he learned that it had been a mistake though, as his whole consciousness filled with the other man instantly, as he was all he could think about.
Kaoru filled the sink with cold water and washed his face in the desperate attempt to get rid of the thoughts and to force his brains to function properly again. One might now think that he regretted said night, that he would want to make it undone, but that wasn't the case. On some level, he was grateful for it and although it probably would always be a nonrecurring incident, it had opened his eyes. Maybe in a very well hidden part of his subconsciousness he had always felt more towards the redhead than he had allowed himself to admit. Maybe that had been the reason for his dreams about trying it with a man, with Die. Mechanically, he dried his face with a towel and returned. "The beer," he explained shortly when he flopped down on the couch again.
Die startled a bit, because he hadn't noticed the other before he sat down already. "Oh, okay." Inwardly, he cursed again, since he couldn't come up with anything else to say. The nervousness was back with full force, and he practically downed the rest of his beer in one gulp. This shouldn't be this hard, he thought to himself. But the truth was he simply couldn't get the other out of his mind.
Somehow neither of them had noticed that the movie had already ended some time ago and the screen was flickering with the menu. That fact made Kaoru even more nervous for he didn't want Die to leave just yet and on the other hand couldn't get rid of him quick enough. "Wanna watch another one?" he asked tentatively, looking directly at the other.
For a moment the redhead thought silently. On the one hand he desperately wanted to stay there, but then again he wasn't sure if he could take much more of the awkward moments. "I don't know. I can't concentrate enough." He admitted, smiling slightly.
Absent-mindedly, Kaoru nodded, staring right through the redhead. What to say, what could he do to save this? His mind was blank and so he remained silent.
The younger man interpreted it so that Kaoru was waiting for him to speak, and so he went on. "I guess I just have too much to think about." He explained silently, nervously toying with the hem of his shirt.
"I see." It didn't sound like the older guitarist understood at all, but he did. He thought he had been acting too obvious and had made the other insecure with that. "But you could stay for another beer. Not much thinking needed there, right?"
"Guess so." Die nodded, offering him an insecure smile. He honestly didn't know what to do, and so thought he'd just agree on everything the other would suggest.
"You guess?" Kaoru tried his most mocking tone and carelessly put his flat hand on the younger's thigh. "My company can't be that bad." Only after he had ended, he noticed that his hand lay close to the other's hip, the stretched finger almost on his groin. He stared at Die, yet didn't move.
The younger man tensed, staring right back at the other with slightly widened eyes. It felt like the other saw right through him, and it made his heart beat faster and cold sweat rise. He was simply terrified that Kaoru would see in his eyes that he wanted more than just the friendship they had agreed upon. So he panicked, somehow losing all reason and conscious thought. Before he even noticed it, he had jumped up from the couch and fled outside, forgetting both his shoes and his umbrella behind.
For a few dreadful seconds Kaoru was stunned, couldn't move, not even think. Had that been too much? A simple touch, a gesture Die wouldn't even have noticed in the old days? When he finally was able to move again, his brain started functioning too and flooded his consciousness with an unbearable amount of thoughts, emotions and explanations for that. Still, he remained sitting on the couch, convinced that Die would return any second to apologize and at least get his shoes and umbrella.
The minutes were passing by slowly, time thick like quick silver. Three minutes, five, eight... After more than fifteen minutes, Kaoru was certain that the other wouldn't return. His heart was aching and he felt miserable like he hadn't in a long time. He knew, this weekend he would stay at home, wrap himself into a blanket and just lie on the couch to wallow in self-pity.
Slowly, he got up and went to the bathroom to remove his contacts because his eyes were burning. He just didn't want to admit that it were tears that were stinging behind his lids and somehow he managed to hold them back. After he was done, he got rid of his jeans, put on his old beloved leisure suit and flopped down on his couch, pulling a blanket over himself. He couldn't resist the temptation though to smell the cloth where Die had sat, where his cologne still was lingering.
**********
Author:
seinen_no and fonulynRating: PG13
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Comments: This is short. But the story needed to be divided this way :D And the last part will be considerably longer.
seinen_no: Hi, it's us again. Don't expect a clever comment for we both are heavily drugged. And we don't care what you're thinking now. As for me, I hate dentists, that's all I'm saying XDfonulyn: Yeah, both heavily drugged. I think I’ll go find some more painkillers. So make us happy by commenting meanwhile :DPrevious parts can be found here:
With a little help from my friend
Part II
Something changed after that first day. It had been expected, since there really was no way to go back to what had been before, but somehow they managed to live with it. They developed a way to act somewhat naturally around each other, although they avoided everything spontaneous that might've caused awkward situations. The other three noticed it, but kept quiet since technically nothing had changed and they still worked together as well as hung out in the evenings all five of them.
Slowly the tour came to an end, leaving them to spend less time with each other, and both Die and Kaoru used the time to simply think. Both were determined to do their best to save the friendship at least, and after some time Kaoru suggested that they'd all gather at his place and watch a movie. Shinya and Toshiya had to say 'no' though, both had their reasons, but as Kyo was willing to come the guitarists were relieved they wouldn't have to be alone with each other. And as the day came, Die found himself standing at the lead guitarist's doorstep, nervously changing his weight from one foot to another.
Although the vocalist would come as well, Kaoru still was nervous and barely able to hide it. He had compensated the feeling by cleaning up his flat and it was shining and awfully clean, very much unlike the usual. When he took a look around, he had to admit that the others would probably notice that he had been tidying all day. Afraid that this would cause uncomfortable questions, he quickly threw some papers on the dining table, filled a mug with some Coke and placed it next to his phone, as if he had accidentally forgotten it there.
Just when he was about to drop a jacket and some clean laundry on a chair, it knocked on his door. Expecting Kyo, he rushed to open it, freezing in the movement when he beheld Die. However, Kaoru quickly got a grip on himself again and smiled. "Hi, you're the first. Come in." It had rained all day and even though Die held an umbrella in his hands, his legs and jacket were wet.
"Hi." The redhead smiled back, utterly nervous as soon as the other said there was no one else there. He stepped in though, since he didn't have many choices. He placed his umbrella beside the wall, kicking off his shoes. "Heard anything from Kyo?"
"Nope. He probably missed his train." The older guitarist eyed him for a moment contemplatively, then quickly tried to distract himself. "Want something to drink?"
"Yeah, it would be nice." Die smiled, following him to the living room. He instantly noticed the other had been cleaning, but didn't comment on it and instead plopped to sit on the couch. "What movie are we watching?"
"I put some on the couch table," Kaoru answered from the kitchen. "There's a bit of everything." He took his time with pouring the drinks, but eventually had to return, praying that Kyo would show up soon. To be honest, Kaoru had made peace with his feelings towards the other man. It had taken him a good deal of time and thinking, but he had come to the conclusion that he had fallen for his best friend, no matter from which side one looked at it. However, he as well had sworn to himself not to do anything about it for he feared to lose the other completely then and to endanger the band.
"I see." The younger man leaned closer, taking a few DVDs in his hands and pretended that he was examining those. In reality he saw right through them though, and just wanted to have something to do to cover his nervousness. He had thought that he could act normally around Kaoru again, but as soon as they were alone all his insecurities were back and he didn't know how to react to anything.
A huge smile plastered to his lips, Kaoru brought the drinks and flopped down on the couch, leaving a lot of safety distance between himself and his friend. "There's some good action ones. At least Toshi said so. He..." At that moment, the phone rang and he jumped up to get it.
"Maybe it's Toshi or Shin and they're coming after all." Die looked up, a hopeful glimmer in his eyes.
"Maybe." The older man didn't share his hopes and quickly picked up the phone. After beginning the call with a normal tone, he became more and more quiet throughout the conversation. Finally, he dropped the phone, his features petrified.
The smile he wore when he returned was obviously forced and so was the cheerie undertone in his voice. "Kyo can't come. Something with one of his friends," he explained, chuckling artificially. "Now it's only us who have to agree upon a movie. No endless discussions why we don't want to watch Evil dead for like the hundredth time."
The redhead forced his terrified expression away, chuckling slightly. "Well, that's a good thing. So, what would you want to see?" Inwardly he was cursing and screaming, swearing he'd kill their vocalist one day. Then he tried to calm himself down by saying to himself that this wouldn't be so bad. They had watched dozens of films together before, so why shouldn't this work?
Kaoru had similar thoughts and one look at the huge gap between them, both of them leaning against the furthermost corners, it became quite clear that this was different from their usual DVD-evenings. "You're my guest, you decide." Somehow even his voice betrayed him by sounding higher than usual and oddly distorted.
Blindly the younger man picked the first movie he happened to reach, showing the cover to the other without looking first. "This?" He simply didn't care that much.
"Fine with me." The lead guitarist shrugged and reached out his hand to receive the DVD from his friend. However, his hand slightly touched the other's and that already caused him to flinch and withdraw it. He tried to save the situation by winking. "Or then, you know how it works ne?"
"What?" Die hadn't been listening, but realized soon what the other meant. "Oh, well, yeah." He got up, put the DVD in before coming back to his seat, carefully leaning as far from his friend as possible.
Usually, Kaoru would've gotten comfortable, sinking deep into the cushions while stretching out his legs on the couch. This time, he put his feet on the table in front of him, carefully avoiding getting too close. Although it was only late afternoon, it was already dark outside and still pouring. The small light on the TV along with the flickering screen created an odd mood inside the room. To have something to hold on to, he lit a cigarette, offering Die one as well by holding up the package a bit, waving it.
Nodding thankfully the redhead took one, concentrating only on smoking for a moment. He kept his eyes mostly on the screen, not realizing anything about the movie though. And he couldn't help but to glance at the other from the corner of his eyes every now and then.
Since Kaoru did the same, peeking at him every now and then, it was inevitable that their gazes met once. Quickly, both of them turned to look at something else. Kaoru decided to reach for his drink, accidentally taking Die's glass without noticing it.
The younger's thoughts headed similar way, since he reached for his drink as well a moment later and froze in his movement as he noticed the other had the glass.
"Something wrong?" Kaoru asked puzzled when he noticed Die staring at him openly.
Silently Die pointed at the glass. "I guess that's mine."
The other's mouth formed a perfect 'O' and then an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I must have mistaken it for mine." It wasn't quite likely since Die had a beer while Kaoru had decided to go for Coke. He hadn't even noticed difference.
"You can have it." The redhead smiled slightly, but still didn't turn back at the movie and kept on staring at the other.
His eyes seemed to pierce the older man and made him squirm uncomfortably. Kaoru felt as if Die could read him like an open book. As a cover up, he shook his head, holding the glass towards the other. "No, it's okay. I'll fetch myself a beer."
Instinctively Die reached his hand for the beer. "Okay." But he froze again as their fingertips touched. Inwardly he cursed again, he wasn't supposed to be acting like this. He had decided he could deal with this, so there should be no problem anymore. Besides, Kaoru had confirmed that they were still friends.
Completely oblivious towards the running movie, the lead guitarist yanked his hand away from the glass and jumped up. "I'll get the beer." His heart was pounding loudly in his chest and he had no idea why he couldn't just act normally towards Die. In the safety of the kitchen, he pressed his forehead against the fridge's door with closed eyes.
Meanwhile the younger guitarist almost managed to drop the beer to the floor, but got a grip of it in the nick of time. Downing it all in one huge gulp he sighed in deep, closing his eyes and trying to force himself to calm down.
After what seemed to have been an eternity, Kaoru finally returned with two bottles of beer. He had told himself that if he wanted things to work out between them, as friends, he had to act more like a reasonable adult and less like an insecure teenager. "I thought you'd want a new one," he explained smiling and handed Die the bottle. "After I drank half of yours."
"Thanks." Die managed to smile, and took the offered bottle. He didn't know what to do, and insecurely averted his gaze, taking a long sip of the beer.
Somehow, both men managed to concentrate on the movie again. Like in silent stipulation, they were still glancing at each other covertly from the corners of their eyes, yet never at the same time. When Die had taken a sip from his bottle and a shiny wet drop remained on his bottom lip, Kaoru had to close his eyes for a second. All his thoughts were mixed up and ended in the imagination how it would be like to kiss the other again, to re-enact the night of passion they had shared. However, those were thoughts he had forbidden himself to think and he shook his head to get rid of them.
Unaware of the other's thoughts, Die forced himself to keep his eyes on the screen. He simply didn't want to look at the other as each glance brought the past happenings to his mind. And he feared that if he'd look at the other now he'd throw himself to his feet and beg him to take him again. Or if not that much, then at least kiss him again. Swallowing hard he licked his lips that seemed to be constantly dry, trying to act natural.
It all felt so unreal, as if Kaoru had left his body and was looking down at both of them from up above. Even though he had tried to deny it, had tried to make himself believe they could just remain friends, he was proven wrong right at that moment. When he accidentally glanced at the other again, witnessing him licking his lips, it became too much. Yes, he wanted more than friendship, wanted to feel him again and if it had been a perfect world, Die would now confess his love. However, the world was far from being perfect and before Kaoru could do something stupid that would destroy the last remains of trust they had, he got up again, excused himself and rushed to the bathroom.
Puzzled, the younger man looked after the other who had just mumbled something and rushed off. A part of him was relieved though, that he got to be alone for a moment. He let his head fall against the backrest of the couch, and closed his eyes. Soon he learned that it had been a mistake though, as his whole consciousness filled with the other man instantly, as he was all he could think about.
Kaoru filled the sink with cold water and washed his face in the desperate attempt to get rid of the thoughts and to force his brains to function properly again. One might now think that he regretted said night, that he would want to make it undone, but that wasn't the case. On some level, he was grateful for it and although it probably would always be a nonrecurring incident, it had opened his eyes. Maybe in a very well hidden part of his subconsciousness he had always felt more towards the redhead than he had allowed himself to admit. Maybe that had been the reason for his dreams about trying it with a man, with Die. Mechanically, he dried his face with a towel and returned. "The beer," he explained shortly when he flopped down on the couch again.
Die startled a bit, because he hadn't noticed the other before he sat down already. "Oh, okay." Inwardly, he cursed again, since he couldn't come up with anything else to say. The nervousness was back with full force, and he practically downed the rest of his beer in one gulp. This shouldn't be this hard, he thought to himself. But the truth was he simply couldn't get the other out of his mind.
Somehow neither of them had noticed that the movie had already ended some time ago and the screen was flickering with the menu. That fact made Kaoru even more nervous for he didn't want Die to leave just yet and on the other hand couldn't get rid of him quick enough. "Wanna watch another one?" he asked tentatively, looking directly at the other.
For a moment the redhead thought silently. On the one hand he desperately wanted to stay there, but then again he wasn't sure if he could take much more of the awkward moments. "I don't know. I can't concentrate enough." He admitted, smiling slightly.
Absent-mindedly, Kaoru nodded, staring right through the redhead. What to say, what could he do to save this? His mind was blank and so he remained silent.
The younger man interpreted it so that Kaoru was waiting for him to speak, and so he went on. "I guess I just have too much to think about." He explained silently, nervously toying with the hem of his shirt.
"I see." It didn't sound like the older guitarist understood at all, but he did. He thought he had been acting too obvious and had made the other insecure with that. "But you could stay for another beer. Not much thinking needed there, right?"
"Guess so." Die nodded, offering him an insecure smile. He honestly didn't know what to do, and so thought he'd just agree on everything the other would suggest.
"You guess?" Kaoru tried his most mocking tone and carelessly put his flat hand on the younger's thigh. "My company can't be that bad." Only after he had ended, he noticed that his hand lay close to the other's hip, the stretched finger almost on his groin. He stared at Die, yet didn't move.
The younger man tensed, staring right back at the other with slightly widened eyes. It felt like the other saw right through him, and it made his heart beat faster and cold sweat rise. He was simply terrified that Kaoru would see in his eyes that he wanted more than just the friendship they had agreed upon. So he panicked, somehow losing all reason and conscious thought. Before he even noticed it, he had jumped up from the couch and fled outside, forgetting both his shoes and his umbrella behind.
For a few dreadful seconds Kaoru was stunned, couldn't move, not even think. Had that been too much? A simple touch, a gesture Die wouldn't even have noticed in the old days? When he finally was able to move again, his brain started functioning too and flooded his consciousness with an unbearable amount of thoughts, emotions and explanations for that. Still, he remained sitting on the couch, convinced that Die would return any second to apologize and at least get his shoes and umbrella.
The minutes were passing by slowly, time thick like quick silver. Three minutes, five, eight... After more than fifteen minutes, Kaoru was certain that the other wouldn't return. His heart was aching and he felt miserable like he hadn't in a long time. He knew, this weekend he would stay at home, wrap himself into a blanket and just lie on the couch to wallow in self-pity.
Slowly, he got up and went to the bathroom to remove his contacts because his eyes were burning. He just didn't want to admit that it were tears that were stinging behind his lids and somehow he managed to hold them back. After he was done, he got rid of his jeans, put on his old beloved leisure suit and flopped down on his couch, pulling a blanket over himself. He couldn't resist the temptation though to smell the cloth where Die had sat, where his cologne still was lingering.